Work Text:
“AHHHHHH!” A scream pierced through the halls of the World Meeting Building.
“What happened?” “Who's making that noise?” Confusion spread across the Nations as they slammed open their doors to seek the origin of the scream.
Frantic footsteps were soon heard, with North Italy sprinting at high speed in the hallway, bringing along the news. “England's dead inside his room!”
“What?” Germany was visibly startled as Italy crashed into him.
“England's dead!” The commotion brought the nearby Nations together in the small hallway.
“What is all the noise about?” America yelled over the heads of the Nations as he hurried over from the other end of the hallway. “I heard somebody screaming!”
“Italy found England dead in his own room.” France filled America in quickly as he squeezed into the middle of the crowd.
“Then it is time for the hero to step forward!” America proclaimed. “Let's go to his room to look for evidence!”
England's room was situated at the end of the hallway, right next to the room of France.
“Have you heard anything from England's room?” America asked, taking up the position as lead investigator.
“No, I was over at China's for the past hour.” France replied, giving a pointed look at England's still very bloody corpse.
“China's? What were you there for?” America inquired, carefree as ever, while Germany took out a notebook and started jotting down notes about the case.
“We were discussing some cooking techniques.” France said offhandedly. “We also invited Italy, but he said he had something to do. I trust that it is with England?”
“Yes…yes.” Italy still looked visibly shocked and ready to bolt out of the room at any second. “England said he needed my help in something and asked me to come over. But when I arrived, I found him dead right there.” He gestured towards England's corpse on the chair.
America looked like he wanted to say something more, but Germany beat him to it. “I think we should first investigate the scene before any evidence is erased.”
“Right.” America said curtly. The nations huddled over England's corpse as they looked for any hints towards the murderer.
“The tea is still lukewarm.” Japan remarked as he felt the cup on the desk.
“I knew it!” America cried out. “Who gave England his tea leaves?”
“That would be me. Why?” China questioned as he recognised the familiar scent from the cup.
“You poisoned his tea to kill him, didn't you?” America demanded.
“In case you didn't see it, England's clearly dead because he got hit in the face.” Sure enough, England's bloody face was smashed in quite harshly. If not for his iconic thick eyebrows, they might have had a hard time identifying him.
“Maybe you hit him hard in the face after you drugged him with your tea!” America proposed.
“Wait.” Germany cut in. “China was with France the entire time. He has a valid alibi. However, England might indeed be drugged…look, there's no sign of struggle or fight.” England's room was quite tidy except for the presence of his corpse.
“I think I will have to clarify one thing…I was indeed at China's for the past hour, but I had excused myself in the middle of our conversation to use the washroom. There was plenty of time to make a run to England's room and back.” France interjected.
“If that's the case, China's alibi is indeed revoked…” Germany scribbled frantically in his notebook.
“That may not be the case.” Japan stood out. “I also went to China's in the past hour, before leaving when we heard France coming out. This should be able to prove that China shouldn't be able to head to England's room and back.”
“Wait, what did you go to China's for?” America asked, curious.
“Oh…I was planning to make some wagashi for everyone, and China helped me to taste-test it.” Japan replied a bit shyly.
“That should be enough of an alibi for both France and China.” Germany nodded. “If I may, since it looks like England's smashed in the face with an object, we should proceed to scouring for potential weapons.”
“I took a look around the room…Nothing suspicious comes to mind.” Russia said with a smile, looming over the rest of the Nations for the back of the room. “There's a book hastily stuffed in the bottom of the bed though…While I doubt that is the weapon, it might be evidence.”
“There’s a book…? Right, here it is.” Germany kneeled down to fetch a thick book. “What's this?”
Upon the book were delicate golden letters that stood out from the black cover, organised into phrases unidentifiable to the eye.
“That should be England's magic book.” France mused. “Speaking of which, England's wearing his ridiculous cape…He might have been trying to use magic before being killed.”
“Magic?” Germany looked skeptically at the book in his hand, before ultimately deciding that this is a question for another day. “So the culprit caught him by surprise while he was focusing upon his, erm, work. That made sense–”
“Bang!” The slamming of England's door interrupted Germany, as Sealand, carrying a trash can, ran into the room enthusiastically. “Look what I found!”
“A trash can?” China raised an eyebrow at the thing Sealand was raising up.
“Yes! The one from the other end of the hallway! You see, We were curious about England's murder, so we went around looking for evidence, and this is what we found!” Sealand jumped excitedly.
“‘We’ as in…” China trailed off as he saw a few silhouettes by the door. “Wy, Seborga.” Sure enough, the two stood sheepishly by the door.
“You see, Sealand was interested and we decided to play along…But then we really found something. You should take a look at it.” Seborga gestured towards the trash can.
Wy took the trash can from Sealand and opened it. Inside, a bloody scone sat with the rest of the trash.
“That's one of England's scones, right? I'd recognise that abomination anywhere.” France scrunched his nose in disgust.
“Then we might have just found our weapon.” Germany announced after inspecting the bloody mess in the trash can. “Someone has attempted to murder England by hurling a scone in his face.”
China and France stifled a snort at that.
“So who is the suspect now?” Japan asked. “With enough strength to kill with a scone…”
“I know!” America voiced out. “It's France!”
“America, we have already established that France has an alibi…” Germany furrowed his eyebrows.
“No, no, listen to me.” America raised a placating hand before turning his eyes on the magic book. “See here, there's a bookmark leading to a chapter titled ‘Spells that make scones taste better’, France probably took offense to England's cooking and chose to kill him!”
“While the motive is valid, I don't think France could have left the washroom and murdered England then sneak back into the washroom with China and Japan at the doorway.” Germany said, flipping through his notes.
“And no offense, but I don't think France has enough strength to kill England with one sudden blow. Especially with a scone.” Italy added. “I’d be surprised if France would willingly touch that thing in the first place.”
“You know me well.” France shrugged.
“I think we might try investigating in the direction of possible suspects that can kill with a scone.” Japan said.
“Then I know who the murderer is!” America jumped out once again. “Russia! You killed England!”
“Oh?” Russia smiled calmly. “Such America, pointing fingers without proof.”
“You have enough strength, don't you? You carry your pipe almost everywhere.” America said.
“And who's the one with abnormal strength?” Russia still kept that smile on his air, but something eerie was starting to leak out from him.
“America, Russia doesn’t even have a motive…” Germany tried to hold back America to little avail.
Things started escalating quickly between the two nations, before Switzerland shouting out, voice sailing high above the commotion. “England's awake!”
“Good, let's ask England about his case.” Germany immediately headed towards England.
Face still coated with dry blood but otherwise mostly recovered, England was sipping on a cup of tea while getting his body back in working order.
“England, as you know you were murdered just now. Do you have any ideas on the identity of the culprit?” Germany asked straightforwardly.
“Yes, speaking of that…” England took a glance at the crowd before continuing. “It's nothing really. I wanted to get some feedback on my scones from Italy, so I was working on them with magic. Then some idiot named America walked in without knocking the door, scared himself and threw the scone next to him at my face. Then I died, simple as that.”
“Wait, so America was the culprit all along…?” Germany looked back to America, who averted his gaze.
“Oh? So the whole time you tried to frame me was because you are the murderer himself?” Russia smiled sweetly, his pipe glistening under the light.
“Hey, it was fun, wasn't it? How often do we get a case in hand? Right?” America laughed weakly, eyeing the door. Then without further ado, he sprinted out of England's room with Russia hot on his tail.
“Case solved.” Germany announced, and the rest of the Nations left to return to whatever they were doing before, having their curiosity satisfied.
“Well, that was fun.” Sealand commented.