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October 1982
The house is fully decorated in preparation for Halloween; half the decor being homemade thanks to Carrie.
All they have left to do is carve pumpkins. It’s a bit frustrating for Tommy, considering that’s one of his favorite parts of the holiday, but Sue was adamant to not carve the pumpkins too early this year. By Halloween of ‘81 all of their pumpkins were reduced to brown and green mush.
The decorations are Carrie’s favorite part by far. Although, that might have to compete with Jamie in his little costume now. They were sure to take dozens of photos; Jamie having to pose with each of his parents.
Sue and Tommy keep fussing over Carrie, however. Of course it’s cute, and very sweet, but she’s never been one to allow others to take care of her. Obviously she’s better than before, but bad habits die hard. Plus, it seems like they’re fussing over her more than she and Tommy did when Sue was pregnant with Jamie. Maybe that was just Carrie’s imagination, she can’t always trust her perception of things.
Even though she’s nearing her due date, she can’t help with feeling contentment. And a LOT of Braxton Hicks. Jamie is too excited to meet his sister to leave Carrie’s side these days. It’s nice cuddling Jamie to her with one hand, and cradling her stomach with the other. Tommy had to have snapped at least a hundred Polaroids this month alone.
Carrie joked that all the extra pictures could have paid the kids’ college tuition tenfold, but Sue gave her puppy dog eyes and pointed out that Carrie was constantly taking photos of her. Of course, Carrie blushed, and went quiet after that. Sue was absolutely glowing when she was pregnant, how could she not swoon?
Although, Sue and Tommy were always gorgeous, radiant. The way they smiled, Sue with the scrunch of her nose, and Tommy with his smirk raising slightly on his left side, dimple prominent. It was difficult for Carrie to believe that the two most beautiful people wanted to be with her. Her. Genuinely hardest concept for her to grasp. And that’s including how she had to unlearn the religious indoctrination from her mother.
The due date is November 10th, but Sue is sure their daughter is going to be born on the 31st. “Carrie has her superpower, this is mine,” and “That’s my daughter, I know when she’ll be born,” were common arguments Sue would spiel, mostly at Tommy. To be honest, Carrie has a feeling she’ll come on Halloween too. Sue is very convincing.
Tommy has stated that no matter when she comes it’ll be around Halloween which is cool in its own regard. He actually opened up to the girls recently, and confessed he was anxious about their daughter’s birthday being on Halloween. The sole reason being he doesn’t want her to stand out. Especially if she inherits Carrie’s gifts.
Carrie immediately understood his concern; never wanting her baby to feel the shame and hatred that she felt with being odd. Sue was quick to remind her spouses (though not recognized in a court of law) that none of them were Margaret. None of them will let any of their children feel unloved, uncherished, and without support. That their kids, no matter if they have abilities or not, will be adored all the same. Plus, Carrie had control of her gifts now, and can teach the kids how to control them.
If that conversation didn’t make her fall more in love with her spouses, she didn’t know what would. Tommy being vulnerable, and worrying about their children; Sue rushing to reassure both of them that their kids will never know the abuse Carrie felt. Never understand how much she endured.
Tommy held both of them close in response, whispering how much he loved them. Carrie whispered sweet nothings back, and thanked both of them for worrying about her, for loving her. So, maybe it was understandable that they were fussing, maybe she could let herself be fussed over, just this once.
They’re heading to the pumpkin patch on the other side of town today, the nice one with all the fancy drinks and activities. Prime Polaroid material. The goal is to arrive by 11am. With Tommy’s hair routine it could be another two hours, so Carrie is supposed to remind him every 15 minutes that he should be “finishing up.”
It’s the third 15 minute warning Carrie gives that actually might be the final call. His hair is styled nice without it looking like too much product is holding it together. When Carrie touches it later it won’t feel crunchy, which is all she cares about.
”Looking handsome,” Carrie speaks up once she peaks into their bedroom, a soft smile on her face.
Tommy looks away from the mirror and smiles right back. “Hey, beautiful, ten more minutes. Then I’ll be done, promise.”
Her cheeks redden slightly as she puts her hands on her hips. “You better be, babe, cause Susie is running a tight ship,” Carrie replied back, trying to sound intimidating. The way Tommy’s smirk widens, she’s going to assume that it was not at all convincing.
”Okay, hun, I’ll be quick.” He punctuates his statement with a tender kiss to Carrie’s cheek, smiling down at her before heading back to the vanity.
With her cheeks now a shade darker, she walks down the stairs, and into the kitchen. Sue is plating for the three of them, Jamie already having a colorful plastic plate of eggs and pieces of cut up pancakes in front of him. He notices Carrie first, and his face absolutely lights up.
”Mama!” Jamie cheers, mouth covered in syrup.
“Hi, baby,” Carrie coos back, wiping his face to no avail.
”Hey, love,” Sue chirps as she sets down their plates, coming to give Carrie a chaste kiss on the lips. Well, it should be chaste, but their lips linger a bit too long for that.
Carrie has a huge grin when they pull away, her head tilting slightly to chase Sue’s lips. The other woman smiles at the realization and places another quick kiss to Carrie’s lips.
”Tommy said ten minutes, he promised,” Carrie relays, her cheeks still flushed.
”So at least twenty,” Sue laughs as she sits at the kitchen table. Carrie sits next to her and eats her breakfast, making sure to thank her.
Tommy is done in precisely fourteen and a half minutes; making sure not to hit the fifteen minute mark. Jamie had finished most of his food by the time his dad came down.
Sue smiles as Tommy enters the kitchen. “Faster than I expected, babe.”
Tommy rolled his eyes playfully, and made his way around the room kissing everyone’s foreheads.
Carrie can’t believe this is her life, that she experiences love this way.
Halloween used to be forbidden and taboo. Now it’s one of her favorite holidays, one surrounded by people she loves. The month of October is filled with friends and family. Friends. Her friends.
They’re all from different walks of life; some from her job at the library, some from Sue’s and Tommy’s jobs, and some from her college days. She went to college! Carrie was smart enough to go to college!
Her mother was wrong about a lot of things in life, although she was especially wrong about Carrie.
Carrie still loves Margaret, still craves the motherly love that was never there. Sue’s mother, surprisingly, was okay with the three of them. “Love is love,” is a quote she would often repeat. Carrie never heard that phrase before Eleanor came along, but it made her elated all the same.
Tommy’s parents didn’t really understand at first, saying it was unnatural and wrong. Carrie’s mother would have definitely believed the same. The first year of their relationship, Tommy was no contact with them.
Carrie remembers the day they showed up on their porch at their old townhouse in Augusta. Tommy and his parents hugged and cried in the entryway; Sue and Carrie off to the side. His parents missed him, loved him. Carrie couldn’t hold a grudge. If it were her mom, she’d pray for the day she would utter those words.
They still had a lot to learn, so did Carrie, but they wanted Tommy (and now Sue, Carrie, Jamie, and soon to be daughter). It might have been a long road, a lot of hurt for the Ross’, but Carrie knows they love all of them dearly. Tommy’s parents even helped them move to their current house in Portland last year. Tommy’s dad drove his pickup truck at a snail’s pace, but it was very much appreciated.
Miss Collins stepped up as the mother Carrie needed, full of love and support. When Carrie told her about her relationship (something she was terrified to do) all Rita did was smile, that and told her if either Sue or Tommy hurt her both of them would be as good as dead. Miss Collins calls Carrie her daughter, and Jamie her grandson. She’s even grown very fond of Sue and Tommy. Carrie is still working on calling her mom.
Carrie is encompassed by people who love her for who she is. She’s excited to dress up and decorate every year because she can. Even though she’s queer, people find her witty, and they always ask about her poetry. When she’ll release a new collection of them because they like her poems. Sure, they don’t make much money, but they’re therapeutic to write. She never had the chance to tell her mother certain things, to scream at her the way Carrie needed to. Writing helps that ache.
People know her name, people like her. Not everyone, but some. More than she could ever imagine.
It’s been years since Halloween was forbidden. Years since she didn’t understand love, but every year feels like a first. Maybe this Halloween will be the first one with a daughter. A daughter with a mother who loves her.