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Alejandro signed up for Total Drama Season 3, absolutely not expecting it to be called Total Drama Dirtbags. Then, the host of the show scripted a whole chase that would then segue into the proper announcement of the third season.
Total Drama World Tour. They’d be seeing the world– Not that Alejandro hasn’t seen a lot of it already, with his father being a diplomat and all. But they’d be taking part in challenges. He’d never actually seen an episode of the original 2 seasons, but he had enough of an idea of what was going on: Heather is mean, Owen won season 1, and there was a lot of relationship drama.
He was often told as a kid that he’d be “popular with the ladies” if he tried enough with his appearance, but it was just so much unnecessary effort. He never cared about being attractive or dating, it was too much dedication. All he wanted was to succeed.
He didn’t think sitting next to some purple-haired stalker girl was the key to success, but she wouldn’t quiet down.
“Oh my gosh, I’m so excited to be here! I’ve seen the show at least 40 times, and I have a blog for every contestant!” She shrieked, “How many times have you seen Total Drama?”
“...Not once. All I know is the winner of the first season. And who to avoid.”
She gasped, her tone getting more serious, “You haven’t seen the show?” Her voice returned to normal, “Oh my gosh let me explain everything!”
She then rambled, with Alejandro giving an occasional nod.
“Okay, so you should know not to ally with Heather. She double-crosses, like, everyone! And probably stay clear of Courtney. She got really mean last season. Gwen has something going on with Duncan, but he’s with Courtney. I bet that’ll bite later on in the show.”
He did not know anyone who was mentioned.
“The nicest person here is probably Owen. Everyone loves him, he’s awesome. You should be friends if you’re on the same team with him!”
Her rambling was extremely informative, even though he didn’t know the people. He gathered that DJ’s gentle and likes animals, Heather’s mean (he knew that already, but why not repeat it?), Cody was Sierra’s favorite and she was insane about him, Tyler didn’t do much other than kiss Lindsay, Ezekiel was first out in season 1, Courtney was competitive, Owen was nice, Gwen was a bit mean but overall a good person, Noah hates physical activity, Duncan was a punk, Izzy was batshit insane, Lindsay wasn’t the smartest, Leshawna was cool, Bridgette was also cool and has a boyfriend, and Harold was a geek. Informative.
He heard the host, Chris, introduce the show from outside the bus. The driver filed them out from front to back, with Alejandro and Sierra sitting in the furthest back seats. Newest for last.
As he watched the people exit the bus, he learned their names and associated the information he received to who they were. He watched Duncan and Gwen have some sort of moment and saw Courtney glare at the interaction. ’Please, don’t put me on a team with any of these people.’
He saw DJ carry Owen, because the latter apparently had a major fear of flying. Harold exited and explained what aerophobia was, which is fairly obvious if you know basic root words.
Some other skinny guy made a sarcastic comment, one that Alejandro found quite funny. He was introduced as a “returning favorite,” which did not make sense considering how Sierra informed him that he only made it a few episodes in the first season and wasn’t in the second.
The remaining contestants all tripped over each other, creating a massive pile that Alejandro did not want to join. As he received his cue, he carefully stepped out and offered a hand to the fallen contestants. He did not expect the comment that the tracksuit-wearing one gave, immediately saying “I like girls.”
He laughed a bit in his head before clearing the area and allowing an excited Sierra out of the bus. She hyperventilated and ran to some short guy, who he could only assume was Cody when she started saying some strange comments regarding his shirt.
A large, clunky grey plane loudly rolled over to the cast. Some pieces were even falling off. He saw the panic on Owen’s face, and wanted to approach to check on him. But also, Owen did not know him like that.
“Excuse me, but I’d like to express some concern about the safety of our plane.” Courtney looked at it with a raised brow.
“Relax, it’s perfectly safe!” The host assured, right as a piece fell off the plane.
’Así que aquí es donde muero. Goodbye, cruel world.’
Owen got his head hit with a pan and they began boarding the plane. He walked alongside Sierra, as she was the only one that he had spoken to. Turns out, the whole singing bit was real. He was grateful he was decent enough at singing. Sierra whispered to him excitedly, “I get to hear my Codykins sing!” then squealed.
Chris showed the contestants the dining room (which they already stood in, but Chris still felt like telling them about it), Ezekiel spoke for too long, got told to shut up, and were led to economy class.
A drip from who-knows-where fell and hit a puddle with a light tap. The room was basically empty, minus the long wooden benches. Owen was unconscious and drooling while tied up to the plane. Ouch. Chris gave them the basic runthrough of the two notable things: harnesses and an emergency exit. He then made a joke that caused Sierra to go over and compliment him, leaving Alejandro alone.
He was mostly zoned out for the rest of the visit in the economy class, only processing the word “mouthwash.” Chris then led them to first class, which was definitely somewhere he wanted to stay. He stood by Lindsay who looked at him strangely.
“Your hair would look so nice if it was brushed…” She commented. She likely didn’t mean anything negative, but he took full offense. Hiding it behind a smile, he responded, “Thank you, but I do not like putting in too much effort to care about my looks, besides basic hygiene.”
“What’s a hygiene?” She asked, as the guy in the tracksuit (Alejandro couldn’t remember his name at all) attempted to do a handspring and failed the landing. It looked quite promising in the beginning.
“Oh my gosh, poor…” she paused before shrugging, “I’m blanking on his name.” ’You and me both, hermana.’ he thought. “But if you want, I can totally do your hair! Oh, and you can do mine!”
He didn’t hesitate to nod– allying early is good. Sierra shot him a look of approval. Chris led them back to the dining room, said something about locking everyone in the cargo hold, and the plane shook. Bridgette, who once sat across from him, fell off her seat and onto his leg. He caught her and held her from the back.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, thank you!” She repositioned herself and held onto the table for support, looking slightly nervous. Chris forced them to check out the elimination area, and demonstrated the drop of shame by throwing Ezekiel off the plane as they began to move. He was extremely determined, attempted to get back on. He was running at the same speed as a rolling plane, which is very unrealistic.
He gathered more about the contestants on the trip: DJ loves his mom, Cody’s full name is Cody Emmett Jameson Anderson (thanks Sierra) and he was born on April 1st, along with some other things he overheard her say.
The song began, and he followed Lindsay and Bridgette to first class where they were supposed to film them singing.
”Come fly with us!”
“Come fly with us!”
“Come and fly this horrible death trap with us!”
He went back to the dining hall, where Duncan and Gwen complained about singing. The former did eventually give in, doing a decent verse with some weird kick dance. They finished off the song with the line, “This sucks.”
Alejandro could not agree more.
The pilot then informed them all that they were landing in Egypt. Alejandro was there once on a vacation, but definitely not that familiar with the environment. He assumed they’d be near the pyramids.
The landing was shaky, but his guess was right. Chris was taken in by some interns wearing costumes on top of a chair, holding a lemonade. Alejandro hates warm temperatures, so he was already sweating.
“I call this challenge Pyramid Over Under!” ’Under.’
He watched Harold craft an aluminum hat, for whatever reason, and place it on his head. They lined up at a starting line.
“Alright, Pyramid Over Under means you choose how you’ll get to the finish line; either over or under the pyramid. Got it?” Alejandro, along with some others nodded. “Ready, set–” and then Chris was interrupted by Ezekiel, who apparently managed to grab onto the landing gear, and let back into the game.
“Set, go!” And so they ran. Alejandro wasn’t bad at running, or really any sport, but he still hated them. But, he supposed you have to do them to win this game. He entered the pyramid along with some others.
“Oh, great. Our friendly neighborhood host-dude failed to mention there were different paths.” The skinny guy who made a sarcastic quip at the bus stared at the 3 paths in front of them. One was marked with a staff, one with a beetle, and the last with a mummy.
“Hey Sierra!” Heather called out, “Which way do you think we should go?”
“Me? Umm… uhh… uh…”
So don’t follow Sierra. Alejandro is a bit disappointed to have the one person he’s spoken to be pulled away immediately by the girl she said not to trust, but everything’s fine.
“How do we know which way is right?” Owen asked. The ginger girl, who he assumed was the crazy one Izzy, licked her own finger and tried to find the airflow.
Leshawna, DJ, and Harold all left and entered the middle door, marked with the beetle. Now it was just Alejandro, the sarcastic guy, Owen, and Izzy.
“Oh! Oh! Oh! Let’s take the scary mummy door!” She recommended.
The sarcastic one turned back and asked Alejandro, “You following us, new guy, or would you rather get off this show with a brain cell left?” Alejandro shrugged and followed him, joining the group as they entered the mummy door. The corridors were quiet and dark, but he was led by the footsteps of his group.
“Let’s turn around! I smell something lucky!” Izzy started turning, but Owen and the other guy continued forward. Alejandro followed the crowd. She grunted when nobody followed her and rejoined the group.
“You know, I actually have amazing night vision! For example, Noah, you just stepped on a bandage and it’s stuck to your shoe. Let me get it!” She reached down and started biting at his ankles, eventually taking the bandage off.
’Noah, the one who hates athletics. That checks out.’
Izzy stopped, leading to the others to stop as well. “Oh, we’re in the nurse’s office!” she said, pointing at a pile of bandages.
“It’s a pyramid, not a high school.” Alejandro would’ve laughed at his comment, but then decided to stay quiet since he didn’t know them that well.
“Costume party! Mummy me!” She yelled out, holding a pile of bandages.
’While this is the last thing I’d want to be doing, I’ll oblige.’ He thought as she threw the bandages at the three boys. Owen began twirling around her, covering her. Noah wrapped her in the bandages and Alejandro just lazily tossed them on. After they finished wrapping her, she ran away.
“Izzy? Izzy!” Owen called out, but her footsteps were already long gone.
“Dude, she’s lost. We gotta go.” Alejandro noticed the glare in Noah’s eye.
’That is not the look of a happy person. He must not like Owen or Izzy.’
“Aw, poor Iz.”
“Poor Iz? She kept insisting we go in circles because she ‘smelled something lucky.’”
And then Owen made a stupid joke. They turned a corner and continued down that path.
“Hey, brickhouse, I found your girl.” Noah commented, seeing a bandaged figure. Alejandro’s heart sank. They did not wrap her as well as that one was wrapped.
“Excuse me, but that’s not… her. We didn’t do that well with our wrapping.” Alejandro commented. He watched Owen’s face shift to a frown and Noah start running. Luckily, the path they were on was correct as they saw the light soon after. 5 people were already at the finish line.
“Owen, Alejandro, Noah! You guys are team 2.”
“In Egyptian, it’s itnein!”
“If it’s any consolation, you do get–” He was cut off by the sound of screaming coming from Mr. Tracksuit.
“What… was his name again?”
“Tyler.”
He recalled the information he was given. Tyler did nothing really, except kiss Lindsay and wipe out. He was probably the worst teammate to receive, out of the whole bunch.
“That’s… wonderful.” Allowing his sarcastic tone to slip out. He noticed Noah smirk at him.
Sierra ran out of the pyramid carrying Cody. Heather followed behind. She arrived at the finish line and cheered, “We did it! Group hug,” and then squeezed the life out of her poor victim, “Come on Heath, you too.” He found it a bit funny when Heather reluctantly gave a very awkward hug.
“And, hugs over. Sierra, get behind the number 2.”
’While she isn’t an amazing person, she has a lot of knowledge about everyone here. Except for myself.’ His thoughts were interrupted by the ringing chime that implied it was time for a song, even though they just had one.
He watched Duncan jump down the pyramid with Courtney and Gwen attached to him by a rope. He whined about having to deal with them, and then quit the show.
Alejandro, Noah, and Owen gasped as they saw a mummified Izzy run out of the pyramid carrying the same mummy they saw earlier.
“Izzy, no!”
“You’re carrying the undead!”
Instead, she just looked happy. They watched as the mummy jumped out of her arms, removed the top half of bandages, and revealed it was Ezekiel. Izzy got put on team 3, much to Owen’s disappointment and Noah’s slight joy. Alejandro could see the small smile hidden. Ezekiel was put on team 1.
“Okay teams, talk amongst yourselves and determine a team name. You have 3 minutes while I enjoy this ice cream,” The host announced.
The 3 minutes got them nowhere.
“Time’s up! Team 1?”
“Team Victory!” They all called. That might bite them later.
“Team Amazon!” Team 3 yelled, even though it was not their turn.
Team 2 continued arguing, with Sierra being unrealistically silent. She then smiled, “Got it! Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot!”
“What!?” The whole team cried, with Noah’s definitely being the loudest.
’Perhaps the team name could earn us a slight advantage, if Chris really is that egotistical.’
“Alright! Best team name ever. And here are your rewards. Team Amazon, you win a camel. Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Really Hot,”
“One too many really’s. Might wanna tone that down a bit.” Noah commented, earning a chuckle from Owen.
“You win a goat!” Said goat then rammed right into Tyler and sent him backwards. Someone else will help him.
“And team Victory, here you go!” He pulled out a stick and threw it to them.
“The guys who come in last get a camel, and we get a stick!”
“All will be explained. If I feel like it. Next time, right here, on Total Drama Wooooorld Tour!”