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izuku always believed he couldn’t possibly be loved. like at all.
he always saw himself as a bug, a stroke of paint that happened by mistake which was supposed to be covered up by the artist at the end but was forgotten, an extra, like his childhood friend called him
he just couldn’t fathom that someone, SOMEONE would actually want him like he wants, like he wants and yearns and cries to be loved, felt and seen, not even in a romantic manner, a pure love that comes from someone who isn’t his mother.
and oh god his poor mom, she worried and worried for him, cried and made him cry too, over his injuries, over his “reckless” tendencies, but…don’t most of the parents care and cry for their children?
and his crying, oh my god, HIS CRYING.
people don’t like it when boys cry, heck he doesn’t like it when he cries, but still he cries, for strangers, for…kacchan, for the “villain” he tried to save, for eri, for todoroki, for iida and….for her.
why do you care? why do you cry for people you don’t even know?
“because I know what it feels to not be cared for, I know what it feels like to be shoved aside for being…different, I know how it feels like to blend into the background of any place in the world like a chameleon, even I wish I was respected like every other human being with a quirk, even I wish I was, as they say, included.”
these are some of izuku’s very inner thoughts which he never ever will utter.
but what is he to do? this is just how he is. emotional. a feeler.
but why think of it now? When he’s 17 years old and a second year student at UA high school, one of the most prestigious schools in his country.
when he’s obtained, mastered and uncovered the secrets and the quirks of One For All and had given it off to Shigaraki Tomura, or Tenko, the boy he tried to reach, as if it wasn’t the biggest miracle and gift of his life which made it all feel like a dream for over a year.
why think of all this…now??
truth is, he doesn’t know either, he remembers these memories and ponders about all the what-ifs, what if he never gave up one for all? what if he saved tenko and retained one for all? what if he never met all might? what if he never got one for all? where would he be now? what if he never met class A? what if he had to give up on his dream and live a life he didn’t want to live? what if he never met…uraraka?
its pointless, he knows, since what’s done is done, he can’t go back now
these are those nights he feels selfish, he hates himself for wanting, he always did.
izuku’s insecurities are different from others. many people tend to have a coming and going sense of insecurity
but his run deep in his bones, veins and every inch of his body, and it tears and rips him apart from the inside every now and then, but just like always he doesn’t confide in anyone about it
remember? selfish?
exactly.
but today he felt a different kind of insecurity, and it hurt in a different kind of way and even scared him, because this was a different kind of want
he wanted a person this time
a person that has fought and fought for him over and over again, a person who he can’t imagine his life without, a person that changed how he viewed himself and his life for the better, a person who took a stigmatised name and turned it into something beautiful
and seeing that person with somebody else, did not feel good…
earlier that day, in the common room, where all the guys were gathered as it was a casual Sunday afternoon, they were all present as their term examinations were approaching and they preferred staying in the dorms to prepare
the girls were in their common room, studying together
it was like yet another day, iida making sure everyone are in line and studying properly, and making sure they understood all of the concepts
then all of a sudden, kaminari and mineta say that they should take a break and talk about “something” (they say the something with a nasty smirk on their face)
“TRUTH OR DARE” they shout, and all the guys start shaking their heads aggressively, or disagree to the malicious intention, or are confused, or are completely unaware of
what it is.
izuku was one of them, as he was never included in games like such in middle school, so he innocently asked “why not….? what is it about?”
sero sighed and said “oh midoriya…its a game where people use the rules to ask uncomfortable questions to each other”
todoroki disagrees and says “not necessarily, it can be a good way to get to know about each others’ personal lives”
“…what?”
“how come you know what truth or dare is?”
“oh…i’ve done my fair share of research on a few games that teenagers play…to get along with everyone”
“AW TODOROKI”
iida perked up with interest and says “i agree with todoroki, the more we know and learn about each other, the better we can understand human bonds, and the better we get at communicating with one another, and as aspiring pro heros, we must learn to engage and bond, which helps us in comprehending the people that are in need of our help” he says, while chopping the air with his arms
“welll if the class prez says we can play then we can!!”
“im leaving, i dont care or want to know about u losers” says bakugo
“you’re obviously scared your secrets are gonna be revealed so you’re scooting away”
sero taunts cunningly, with a smile on his face.
so they all, including bakugo, sit in a circle, and spin a plastic bottle,
they’re all filled with suspense, curiosity, excitement even and a tiny bit of anxiety
the bottle cap end points at sero and the other end at kirishima
“ughhh NOOOOO” kirishima groans
“sorry not sorry but truth or dare?” sero asks rubbing his hands together with excitement
“uhh dare i guess”
“get rid of your red hair and put it down for a whole day”
“BUT THATS TOO CRUEL”
“rules are rules”
“fiiiine a real man would not turn down a dare regardless of what it is” kirishima says pumping his fists into the air, and slightly tears up
kirishima goes back to his room to remove the dye and complete the dare and the others continue playing
the bottle spinned and spinned and it almost felt like forever until it stopped and landed on kaminari and izuku, the bottle cap end pointing at kaminari and the other end pointing at izuku
and here’s where things go wrong
kaminari joyfully exclaims “YAHOOO LETS GOO”
unlike kirishima, izuku feels excited rather than frustrated and annoyed, little did he know what was coming
“sooo midoriyaaa truth or daree???”
“uhh truth!!”
kaminari, who seemed like he was waiting for the opportunity asks “are you going out with uraraka?”
he took some time to process what kaminari had just asked him, and when his brain receptors finally added two and two together, he went bloodshot red in the face
“ehhh???” izuku was taken extremely aback, as he did NOT expect this question
“what else did you expect this blockhead to ask you, izuku?” bakugo asked while shaking his head and massaging the bridge of his nose with his index and thumb fingers
“see this is why i don’t like playing this game” says ojiro
“why are you shy midoriya? its obvious how close you are to uraraka these days” mineta lets out a loud sigh filled with envy saying this
“yeah you guys have gotten closer than ever after…that night in troy, you always walk back home, say midoriya…has uraraka asked you out yet?” ojiro asks with a slight blush on his cheekbone
uraraka. ask him out. the whole situation was funny. it was true that they were close now because of their shared grief of not being able to save tomura shigaraki and himiko toga. that night in troy, was unforgettable for him as she finally confided in him about her grief for the first time,
and finally finally let herself rely on him, which felt good. he felt trusted by his best friend, he was glad, that she could count on him like he did, but most of all, he felt lucky that he was the only one, outside of her family, she was comfortable sharing her pain with, that he was her person, or that he had assumed to be that person
he always, always had a special spot for her in his heart, she was always that person for him
he can’t even put into words just how much he respects her and how much she has saved him, physically sure, but emotionally? she has done wonders
he wouldn’t be half as happy he is with himself regarding anything if it weren’t for her
deku, gifted by his former bully to him, which he casually, just casually called him and made it his whole life and personality within mere seconds, it was casual or okay to him because it was izuku who beared the pain and the weight of that name and not him,
a name dragged in mud and filth, turned into an alter ego inside him, it was something he didn’t ask for, it was filled with disgrace and anger, fear and terror, confusion and rage,
lots and lots of rage
and within deku, lied his darkest thoughts
in mere seconds, you can destroy everything someone has built for themselves by a word that, probably never meant anything to you, but will haunt them forever
in mere seconds…
until
until she changed it, casually, like it was the easiest thing ever, like he wouldn’t go to sleep every single night thinking about it, like this wasn’t a copernican revolution happening in his life,
in mere seconds…
and upon hearing this the years of pent up rage in deku subsided a little, and there grew a tiny but the most beautiful flower at the centre of it, but he couldn’t see it,
neither could he name it, and it bothered him so much because this was different, this was nothing like what he felt before,
he could just feel it, like the feeler he was
he wanted to feel more and more of it
and he did,
every time she smiled, every time she called him amazing and believed in him, every time she saved him without hesitating for even a fraction of a second, every time she fell down and got back up because she always
does her best
this flower grew and grew with every passing day, and he still couldn’t see it, he could just feel it, so just feel it, he told himself
taking whatever she gave him as water and sunlight for that flower
what could be its colour? how does it smell? he wondered but didn’t think much of it, because regardless of how it looked or smelt, it was the most lovely thing ever, and he knew it.
and a girl or to be more precise this person who made him feel like he wasn’t even on this planet, would ask him to be romantically involved with her?
as if
before he could reply to ojiro, kirishima who came back after removing the red dye in his hair and letting it down, had heard what ojiro had asked and replied
“uraraka asking midoriya out? but i saw her with a guy on a motorcycle who dropped her at the dorm’s entrance gate from somewhere as i was going outside for something, he seemed pretty cool to be honest…
but uh ahha midoriya he could be anyone right? lets not jump to conclusions because of just that haha…” kirishima tried to console him
izuku’s stomach dropped, and not in a good way, not in a way it should drop after hearing his best friend was going out with someone else, but before he could figure this all out or ask kirishima for more details
they all looked at him with concern and pity and he instantly decided he hated being given that look,
so he clarified it “uraraka is going out with someone else? and how does that bother me? she’s my best friend, and i’m really happy for her” he was not
“see! me and her have nothing going on, besides this…guy seems to be the person you guys are looking for, and to answer kaminari’s question, no, we’re not.” he said with a ‘told ya’ expression
most of them seemed to buy it or he just chose to believe that he was good at deceiving people
probably the latter
it would be odd for him to excuse himself in the middle of the game, so he played some more and tried to keep a smile on his face and brush any hint of worry on his friends’s faces like its anything
its okay, i’ll figure this feeling out when, im all alone
after the game, they studied some more and decided to call it a day as it was getting late
as izuku was leaving, bakugo stopped him
“what is it kacchan?”
…
“never mind” he said after staring at izuku for some time and deciding to drop whatever matter had made him stop izuku in the first place
so he got back to his room
which brings him to the present moment
he’s sleeping on his bed in his room, numb,
his arm covering his eyes, he took his arm off for a second and looked outside his balcony window
looks like its gonna rain today…
then he thought of what happened earlier
trying to process whatever he had heard from kirishima today
now, izuku was a thinker, so he thought
first, who the heck was this guy? how did he know uraraka? where did they meet? where did he drop her from? do they go on motorcycle rides very often? are they really…together? and even if they were why on earth is it bothering izuku so damn much????
why did he have to be so complicated? why can’t he even understand himself? the others seem to know themselves pretty fine.
why did he have to react angrily at this whole situation? he hadn’t even met that guy, he could be the nicest person ever, but izuku just had to go ahead and be selfish by hating him because his person was not his person anymore
and that hurt
he wanted to be her number 1, her most special person but that seat was occupied by someone else
he didn’t even know what that guy was to her and he was already jumping to conclusions
kirishima had said that he was cool and he rode a motorcycle too, that gave him a hint or a taste of uraraka’s type
but he was neither cool nor did he ride a motorcycle, if he changed himself, his hairstyle, his way of talking, wore a leather jacket and…rode a motorcycle…would he be someone special to her?
he could never, ever see himself as someone that cool
and why would she not tell him anything about that guy? he thought that he had gained her trust, but still she was someone that kept everything to herself,
is he…just her friend?
that thought made izuku spring from his bed and think
wait, he was not happy with being her friend? or was he not happy with being just her friend
his heart suggested the latter, because he enjoyed being her friend too much
oh
oh
his face went blank, as he realised
the flower growing in him…was still seen this whole time, by everyone around him but him as
he just never wanted to see it, because of his own stupid insecurities
she was always here, always there, for him
the flower that he couldn’t see was visible now, and he was right, it really was the most beautiful thing ever, it was a pink gerbera flower, its petals, soft and smooth
it reminded him of only one person
so he did what he had to
he grabbed his phone and dialled her number
was he thinking? absolutely not.
every ring felt like an eternity until
“uhm hello? deku?” her voice came from the speakers of his phone
“uraraka, i…can we meet downstairs, right now? its..really urgent, i need to tell you something”
“okay but you seem kind of serious…are you okay?”
he realised he had scared her with the seriousness in his tone, so with a slightly more chipper voice he said “yeah, i’m fine…i just really need to tell you this”
there was a pause, like she was calculating something
“okay i’ll be there in five, see you”
“yeah, see you”
he grabbed his blue jacket and his phone and started walking to the elevator,
“she’s gonna say no…isn’t she? she’s already with that guy right? we’re too late… like always” said the filthy and muddy deku
“doesn’t matter if she feels the same or not…she deserves to know how we feel, and also that we can’t waste any time”
he also felt optimistic, and something something told him that it wouldn’t go as badly as he thinks it would, and that
maybe just maybe she does feel the same way too
her blushing and flailing her arms, acting nervous when he’s around
these were his actions, which were mirroring hers
how has he been so blind?
that poor flower, it must have been tired of waiting for so so long
the elevator door opens and there she was, with her back facing the elevator and looking outside the window
“man…it looks its gonna rain soon…” she told herself completely unaware of his presence
“uraraka-“
“oh deku! you’re here already”
“yeah…” now that he was here…what the actual heck was he gonna tell her??
he hadn’t thought of that of course
“sooo what did you wanna talk about? is something bothering you?”
“somewhat like that…”
he opened his mouth to say something but a huge thunder made him and uraraka flinch
it was raining now,
uraraka broke the silence “woah that was one huge thunder, looks like the lightning fell somewhere near…”
izuku couldn’t care less about the thunder, heck he didn’t even pay attention to what she just said
he was staring at her features in the moonlight, she had her hair up and was in her pajamas as she was probably going to sleep before izuku had called her, her eyes so so magnetic he was always so drawn to them, and her cheeks, pink like always
uraraka was always pretty to him, but today…she was just something even he couldn’t describe
“oh yeah deku, i forgot to tell you this! today i had gone to the mall with my cousin to buy a gift for my aunt as her birthday’s approaching, they recently moved to musutafu, anyway, i saw this offer on some hero merchandise and thought i’d tell you cause y’know? you would have a whole new stash of hero merch and that would make your whole year hahaha”
he thought he didn’t hear her right at first
and when he realised
he was her cousin ohhh
so he laughed, of course he did
uraraka, who was confused asked “what? what happened, why are you laughing”
izuku who was still laughing uncontrollably, says “so, so the cool guy who dropped you in a motorcycle is your cousin?”
“yeahhh…he is but how did you know?”
wiping tears after laughing at the silliness of it all, izuku says “oh my god aarrggh uraraka this is so embarrassing”
“what is??? im so confused right now”
he hesitates but goes on with it and says “i thought your cousin was your boyfriend and i was losing my mind over it the whole day”
“what!!! deku, no please, but wait…why would you be sad about it?”
izuku gives her the softest of smiles, tearing up a bit and says “because i’m in love with you uraraka”
and there’s a pause, so he watches uraraka’s face go from curiosity to shock to flustered
“WHATTTT”
he laughs at her obviously flustered reaction, and before he can ask if she reciprocates, he tells her everything, absolutely everything
“uraraka i’m sorry if this caught you off guard or shocked you, but what im about to tell you is very real and very new to me”
her shocked and flustered face turned to a serious one like she was waiting for him to tell her more
“you’re…my hero, that you know and you also know that you have saved me over and over again, and i always held you in a very high regard in my heart, but i’m stupid and dumb and was never able to see how you make me feel, until today, kirishima said you were with somebody, and that did not give me a pleasant feeling…haha
i never saw myself in a good way, and that prevented me from seeing my feelings for you, was i scared to face it? maybe but today when i realised that it might have been too late…i finally turned to see the parts of me which i didn’t want to see and in midst of all that negative parts of me, there you were, as a flower, keeping me from drowning in my own thoughts,
what you have done and do to me is unexplainable uraraka…i still haven’t quite figured this feeling out myself, but…i was hoping…i could….with you?” izuku blushes and wipes the tears from his eyes as he says the last part of his speech
uraraka just stood there shook from his speech, after a few seconds she regains her composure and when the gravity of the situation (haha punny) finally hits her, she blushes and says “wow uhh deku, out of all of the things i thought you would have called me down here for, this is certainly not one of them…heheahah” she laughs awkwardly, rubbing her neck with her hand
she realises she hasn’t given him a response so she says
“i’ve been in love with you for so long, deku that i don’t remember how i was when i wasn’t” she says with a shy but happy smile on her face
izuku feels a huge burst of joy in his chest and the biggest smile cracks up on his face automatically, he tears up and unable to contain his happiness,
grabs uraraka in a hug, which she is startled by but loosens herself to hug him back,
and they stay there for a while
his person, the person that he loves and respects so much, has finally declared that he is her person too,
this brings him to tears, which uraraka wipes away
“of course you would cry you silly, i never ever thought this would happen…izuku, i thought i would fight the urge to tell you my feelings forever and you would either never see it or reciprocate it, then we’d get busy with our lives and cut contact with each other, eventually forgetting about our days at UA and start having families with other people…and that scared me but what scared me even more was me ruining our friendship
and the fact that you felt jealous assuming my cousin to be a boyfriend is ridiculous because
after all you have done for me, how can i love someone else, izuku? you are my person, you saved me from keeping everything in my chest and dying every. single. day from it, you confided in me when i felt weird for wanting to save himiko, you also consoled me, called me your hero, how can you think, i wouldn’t fall in love with you?” uraraka asks, with tears streaming down her face now
he wipes her tears away and hugs her closer
as he intently listened to her words, feeling her words, feeler thats right, he wanted to tell her more but
he wanted to make her feel too
so izuku being izuku
deliriously, he asked, still smiling like a fool “do you wanna go and play in the rain for some time? i promise we’ll only be in the garden for roughly 4 minutes and no one will know, especially iida”
uraraka thinks for some time, but ecstatic as she was, she nods excitedly
and thats all she had to do, as izuku grabs her hand and runs with her to the garden outside of their dorms,
the rain pouring on them, making them cold and wet, a stark contrast to their former state inside the dorms, but they don’t seem to mind one bit, as what they care about was the other’s presence
so they dance like lunatics, holding each other’s hands the entire time, its not even dancing actually, they’re almost just waving their hands and legs and probably look stupid but that is what makes them, them
i guess we’re both weird then
then finally, izuku picks ochako up and spins her and its a feeling of pure euphoria for both of them, and izuku asks
“can you feel it? this is how you make me feel uraraka!!! i’m sorry i can never express it with words but you will have to feel it”
so she spreads her arms around as izuku is spinning her and lets herself feel
all her feelings for the boy sharing this experience with her comes crashing down on her, every smile, every eye contact, every conversation, bringing her to this very special moment she shares with her very own special person
and she did, she felt it
like the feeler she was,
so she simply wraps her arms around izuku’s neck, closer to him than she had ever been, smiling ear to ear, says “thanks for making me feel, my very own special person”
izuku wraps his arms around her waist tighter than before, and looks at her with the most endearing eyes and says “thank you for letting yourself feel, my hero”
their four heads touch
and eventually their lips, gently but surely, softly but slowly
and they just feel, like the feelers they are.