Work Text:
Pessimism tells Spencer that the quiet days at Quantico are never what they seem. But that doesn’t stop her from ignoring that nagging voice at the back of her head and wearing her celebratory purple cardigan. She takes the scenic trip on the metro and walks slowly in from the stop rather than hurrying along or submitting herself to bumper-to-bumper traffic during rush hour.
Walking into the Quantico office at 8:30 in the morning Spencer waves over to Emily who’s already set up at her desk for the day. Even though they don’t have any active cases right now it doesn’t mean that they aren’t consulting various police and sheriff departments or revisiting older files.
“You’re looking chipper this morning” Emily notes. It’s been a hard year for everyone and the stress of Foyet and the loss of Haley has been wearing on everyone. Spencer can’t remember the last time that she’s been cheerful coming into work and clearly it shows.
Spencer smiles warmly at Emily “ I’m looking forward to a quiet day in the office, If we don’t have any cases come up I’m planning on attending a lecture tonight on the role of Medieval literature and the Catholic church.”
Emily squints at her “Well, that sounds … interesting”, Emily’s facial expression tells Spencer that there’s a million other things that she’d rather be doing.
“It’s fascinating, I really think it’ll be helpful for developing profiles when investigating cases when there’s a religious motive. Besides, I think my mother would love to hear about it when I send my next letter.”
Spencer keeps on moving towards the old kitchenette next to the bullpen, it’s always quiet during this part of the day so she busies herself with putting a new pot of coffee on the coffee maker. She’s already had a cup (or two) this morning but there’s something about having a fresh cup as she begins her work for the day. She also knows that Penelope always sleeps through her alarm and runs out of time to get coffee on her way to work, so Spencer readies Penelope’s mug alongside her own. Penelope is pretty simple with her coffee, she always uses a caramel creamer that she keeps stocked in the work fridge but she doesn’t use any other sweetener.
Spencer envies Penelope’s ability to drink unsweetened coffee, she’d started drinking coffee when she had started university but she’d never been able to get past the acrid taste. She’d always needed to add copius amounts of sugar before she could drink the coffee.
She grabs the two mugs, dropping her own off at her desk as she walks past it on her way to Penelope’s Dungeon. It’s 8:45 now, Morgan is at his desk logging into his computer and Spencer can see JJ moving around in her office as she moves files around. If her timing is right, Penelope will be bustling around trying to get her office under control before her shift officially started at 9:00.
Walking into Penelope’s office she see’s the blonde analyst moving around turning on the many computer monitors.
“I love you 187” Penelope gushes pulling Spencer into a hug while prying the coffee mug out of her hands. “ I slept through all of my alarms this morning and I didn’t have time to make myself any coffee before I left.”
Spencer chuckles a little and lets herself be led along to a chair by the exuberant analyst as Penelope walks her through what she’s planning on doing this weekend. She’s planning on visiting a local comic-book store for a cosplay contest which she entered last month. In some ways, her and Penelope have the most in common with each other. Despite Penelope’s love for high heeled shoes and shopping, an interest that Spencer does not share, they both have geeky interests and a deep love for coffee.
She excuses herself from her conversation from Penelope, wanting to get to her desk before 9:00. Even though they don’t have a case and therefore they won’t have a briefing, Spencer knows that Hotch will want to see them working on their separate cases when their shift starts and the last thing she wants to do is add one more thing to her already burdened unit chief’s plate.
She’s in the middle of a consult creating a geographic profile for a recovered Jane Doe when JJ appears by her shoulder. Honestly, she’s so absorbed in what she’s doing that she doesn’t even notice that JJ is talking to her until she gently touches her arm to get Spencer’s attention.
“Spence, there’s someone here to see you. He says he’s your father” JJ’s voice is gentle, almost hesitant. It’s the way she talks to the families of victims they meet on cases. Spencer is too busy trying to push down the ice cold feeling at the pit of her stomach to really figure out if she’s relieved or angry that JJ is using that voice on her. She points to the glass doors where Spencer can see the figure of William Reid watching her, he sees spencer looking in his direction and waves a tentative hand.
“Thanks JJ, I’ll go talk to him.” Spencer takes a deep breath to steady herself before standing up from her desk and walking towards the door. Letting him in, she wonders why she’s doing this, she is a seasoned FBI agent and this is her stronghold. She could refuse to see him and get him escorted out by security. However, some small part of her still feels allegiance to the man who used to be her father.
He looks the same as he did when they had been investigating Riley’s murder. Haggard with a thinning hairline. He almost exclusively was wearing beige that only serve to intensify the pathetic aura around him.
“What are you doing at my work?” Spencer cuts to the chase, small talk and niceties are for the people she cares about. Not a stranger that has no business being in her life.
“I was in town for a court case, can’t a father come and visit their child?” William responds somewhat impatiently.
“Well, you weren’t a father when you left me at 10 years old and never got into contact for anything until I was investigating a murder.”
“Christine, stop it” William orders.
Spencer’s hackles raise a bit at the name, her father had always been proud that he had named her. Christine had been his mother’s name, her grandmother, a woman she’d never met. “A family name” he’d say proudly when introducing her to his coworkers. Of course, that had been before Diana had gotten too sick and William had switched to being disappointed at his mentally ill wife and socially inept genius daughter.
Spencer had changed her name after her highschool graduation. Spencer Reid had garnered far more receptive invitations to universities than Christine Reid. Probably because it was easier to stomach the idea of what sounded like a 13 year old boy on a university campus than a 13 year old girl. It had been a source of pride for Spencer to wipe clean her slate. Rather than the abandoned Christine Reid, she could become Dr. Spencer Reid, someone who had been headhunted to join the FBI. One of the youngest field agents and profiler in the coveted BAU.
“My name is Spencer” She meets his eyes defiantly, she refuses to let this man have the satisfaction of trying to own her.
William scoffs “ No, your name is Christine. That’s the name I gave you and the only one I’ll ever call you by.”
“Well, I will only respond to Spencer, so you’ll need to get over it William.” She responds firmly, she knows that he wants to make her upset, hoping that it’ll weaken the armour she’s built against him.
“Who are you hoping to fool here Christine, do you really think they’ll let you into the boys club if you sound like a man? What are you? Some kind of dyke?” His voice rises, tone mocking. It’s clear that he wants the entire bullpen to witness him degrading her. Spencer realizes dimly that this is probably some form of transference, clearly his case here didn’t work out so he’s gone back to the punching bag he knows, Spencer.
With that, Spencer can hear the slamming of an office door behind her and the sound of footsteps reaching to meet her. Rossi pushes past her, grabbing her father’s arm roughly. “Hotch, call security and get this man escorted out of here.” Rossi keeps on dragging William past the glass doors to the elevator, waiting for the security personnel to arrive.
Spencer just stays frozen where she is, she feels like if she moves she’s going to fall over and she refuses to let William have the satisfaction of seeing her fall apart. Finally, when security arrives to escort the man out she turns on her heel and stalks towards her desk collapsing into the chair. She keeps her eyes trained down at the faux wood grain, staring at the file she was just working on. She can feel everyone’s eyes trained on her back but she hopes that if she goes on as normal, they won’t remember the scene that had just unfolded in front of them.
She’s unsuccessful. Hotch orders her quietly to come into his office, closing the door as she numbly makes her way in and takes a seat. It isn’t until she tries to blink away the blurriness in her eyes that she realizes she’s crying.
“Reid, what happened there” his voice has a neutral tone, the kind that can always make Spencer spill everything.
“I’m sorry” Spencer manages to choke out in between her tears “ I had no idea he was coming into the office. I don’t think I ever told him what city I live in.”
“Has your father always been like this?” Hotch asks
“I haven’t seen him in a long time but yes, he never got over how disappointed he was for how I turned out.”
“Spencer, He should have never come here and treated you like this.”
This sets Spencer off again as she tries to get control of her crying. It’s embarrassing being like this at work, much less in front of her Unit Chief. It’s like her father is being proven right, she’s falling apart. What really is she trying to prove here?
Hotch tentatively sits down in the chair next to her before scootching the chair closer and pulling her into a hug. It’s warm and he doesn’t seem to mind as her tears probably stain his jacket. He’s rubbing small circles into her back, and the small part of Spencer’s mind that isn’t having a meltdown right now wonders if this is how he hugs his son Jack when he’s upset.
When she finally stops crying, hopefully this time for good, Hotch pulls back.
“You will always be a valued member of this team. You don’t need to prove to anyone that you are good enough to be here, much less your father. You will always be Dr. Spencer Reid to us.”
Spencer can’t really make herself do anything but nod quietly. Hotch stands up and goes to sit behind his desk again.
“You can stay here until you’re ready to get out again, if you want the rest of the day off you can take it.”
She doesn’t really want to take any time off. The idea of being alone in her apartment with the memories of her father’s visit to the BAU as her only companion is more unappealing than finishing up the workday underneath the watching eyes of her coworkers. So instead, Spencer takes some deep breaths and quickly scrubs the tears away from her face standing to leave Hotch’s office.
“Thanks Hotch, I’ll be fine to work the rest of the day”
Hotch nods, he doesn’t look surprised that she would decline the time off. “Spencer, my office is always open. Don’t hesitate to come in if you ever want to talk.”
Spencer can only nod roughly before she escapes, walking quickly to the bathroom to rinse her face with cold water. She tries to calculate in her mind the optimal temperature of water that will bring down the swelling in her eyes and the flush in her cheeks from crying. It succeeds at calming her down, giving her something else to focus on.
When she’s ready, she throws back her shoulders and raises her head high as she walks back into the bullpen. Her team, probably warned by Hotch to give her space don’t look up from their desks. Spencer takes a seat at her desk, on the left-hand side of the desk is a fresh steaming mug of coffee, just the way she likes it. Somehow that simple coffee tells her everything that she needs to know about her team, they are her family and they have her back.
The next couple of weeks, every time Spencer comes back to her desk from a case there’s a monogrammed item with her name on it, a coffee cup, a pen, even some tea towels. Clearly, it’s Penelope leaving them there. Another loving reminder from the team that they know her name and really, that’s the only opinion Spencer cares about.