Chapter Text
Felix felt himself sweating through his linen button up. Not out of anxiety like maybe he should've been, but the day was especially muggy. The sun was out and despite it being midmorning, it was already causing people to burn. It was almost as if it was further punishing him all on this already horrendous day.
He stood on a hill overlooking the downtown of District 4, which was a fishing village settled around a gulf that emptied into the ocean. So that meant plenty of access to docks, harbors and such. Felix has lived here all his life, but he hasn’t felt like it was his home in a long time. But he needed to go down there, rejoin the community once again to do his duty and put on a charade that he was happy, pleased, even excited for today when all he wanted to do was vomit and run as far away as possible.
It was Reaping Day, and it was mandatory for everyone to attend and watch as this year’s victims were picked and hauled off to the slaughter. And unfortunately, Felix had to be the face of the festivities and stand front and center in front of the District. As a Victor, he was proof of hope that any of these kids that were picked could win, they could make it out. And he’d have to coach them, mentor them and invest in them, for a more likely chance that they would die. And he could add them to the list of people he would yet again, be letting down.
Unfortunately, he was not Mags. The people loved Mags. She was the first female Victor from 4, and she was seen as the first real Victor ever since they started doing parades, tours, interviews, etc. She was hope, she was resilience. Felix? He was the constant reminder of shame. He was their reminder of their willingness to send someone to their death at their hands, and no one liked being reminded of the worst thing they probably had to do. Felix was the Victor of the 25th Hunger Games, the first Quarter Quell. He was voted by his neighbors, friends, his people to go to his death.
That was the worst lose-lose-lose situation. You lose by being betrayed by your District, you lose by potentially dying in the area, and you lose, as he has come to see in the last 4 years, that you lose by becoming ostracized by those same people who can’t stand to look you in the eye, but you can’t look at them back either. Nothing could have ever been the same after.
So there he was, separated both physically and metaphorically from his people knowing he has to go down there again and make everyone uncomfortable and begin another unbearable cycle of mentoring and mourning.
He went back to his family’s home in the Victor’s Village to freshen up before heading down. He knew his mom and brothers would probably already be down there, so it was the perfect time to be alone. Felix opened the door, glad one of them left it open for him and went to the shower and make sure he didn’t smell like sweat and seawater before going down. He would be on TV after all, and it was a literal crime to not dress your best at these.
The outfit he chose was simple, a loose linen short sleeve button up that he didn’t bother buttoning up all the way and a simple leather necklace tied around green seaglass. It wasn’t special or anything, just very District 4. He tugged on nicer tan pants and threw on a pair of sandals, deciding that was the most amount of effort he’d put into a look for the time being.
The mirror was filled with steam, Felix wiped it away and frowned at his reflection. He poked at the dark bags under his eyes and puffed his cheeks to make them less sunken, to no avail. Despite having all the luxuries he never had as a kid and all the food he could ever want, he found everything tasteless and rarely ate, thus his gangly appearance. His almond eyes were a deep brown color, something different from the rest of his fellow Districtpeople, who tended to all be either green-eyed or blue-eyed. Stereotype ocean-eyed. His skin was smooth and flawless, they took care of that post-games with whatever medical fixing they did that removed his scars, wrinkles, flaws. But he still had a slight divot through his right eyebrow, which he appreciated. The only thing about him that matched his fellow District 4 people was his tan skin, for that he didn’t mind.
He combed his hair back, letting a loose wave fall over his eye and put on deodorant and cologne and called it. He hoped he wouldn’t sweat through any of that as the reaping went on.
A Peacekeeper met him at the door, ready to make sure he got down to the Amphitheater on time. Felix did this each year, so it was no surprise to see the Peacekeeper standing there. His first year mentoring, he panicked and refused to leave his old room, causing two Peacekeepers to drag him down. Then each year after, he just delayed coming down until he absolutely had to and its become a fun routine being as much of a thorn in the Capitol’s side as he could.
Felix offered him a sarcastic grin. “Good morning,” he greets him.
The Peacekeeper stands silent, he wore a helmet so he couldn’t see his face, but Felix knew the Peacekeeper probably was frowning with annoyance. “Time to go Mr. Castellan,” he just said.
Felix sighs and frowns. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” And they leave without another word. Approaching the town, it’s eerily quiet - as it always is on Reaping Day, and the people shuffle in silent terror down to the amphitheater, where the reaping is heald. It’s just this simple stage with seats right by the ocean with a metal roof over it. It must have been an old boat storage warehouse at one point, but is now used for other purposes.
When people see him, they quickly avert their eyes. The town’s burden to carry is back to remind them of their sins. Felix just looked straight ahead, looking angry. He hated being in town, people never knew how to react around him. Say hi? Didn’t feel genuine.
Felix was escorted to the water to the amphitheater, he could see Mags already sitting on stage. Mags was the only other victor along with him from 4. 2 other men had won previous to her, but both died. One drank himself to death about a year after his original games and the other died in a boating accident shortly after Mags’s games. So for the last few years, it's just been Felix and Mags as the District 4 mentors, forced to sit on that stage year after year.
Mags spots him and gives him a kind wave, she was the only one who didn’t treat him like this freak outsider. And Felix appreciated this, she opened her home to him to hide or have a meal with whenever he wanted. He’s come to see her as a motherly older sister. Mags was only in her mid thirties, but already worry lines had formed on her forehead and by her eyes. Years of seeing kids off to their deaths does take a toll.
Felix gave a slight smile and waved back. Only reason he keeps coming and not just laying down and giving up, even though that’s all he wants to do, is because of Mags. She would kill him, something she tells him all the time. But it’s more than that, it would break her. She worked so hard to help and save him in his own games, so he owes it to her to live this second chance he has been given, even if it's at the cost of his own mental health and the lives of the people also voted in that year.
The Peacekeeper nudges him to the stage, which Felix resists punching him and begrudgingly hikes the stairs to the stage to sit next to Mags. She stands to give him a hug, which he returns, gratefully.
“Hello Felix,” she greets in a soft voice. They pull away and she’s giving him a real smile, a hint of sadness in her eyes knowing what is coming. But she looks beautiful, her strawberry blonde curly hair pinned back to it cascades down her back and off her face. Her skin is lighter, not as tan as the rest of the District, but she’s been stuck indoors as of late, raising her young daughter. “How are you today?”
Felix knew they had to watch what they said from this point forward. Cameras were out and Capitol people were here, so ears all around to pick up anything suggestive they could say. He just sighs and rubs his face in fatigue.
“Didn’t sleep well last night.” They sit down in their chairs and look out at the growing crowd that files in. District 4 is a large district, so there was a big crowd of people to watch and wait for either relief for one more year, or the end of the world. And it killed him to see the new crop of 12 year olds that stand in fear in front, all dressed in their best outfits and trying to keep it together. Though he does see a few shed tears to themselves. He has to look away.
He ends up sulking in his seat and scowls at the Capitol attendants setting up the cameras and preparing the glass bowls with the names to be reaped.
Mags nudges him in his ribs and Felix recoils. “Ouch!” He complains, rubbing his side.
“Sit up straight and look normal, no scowls or looks, you know the routine,” she reprimands as she eyes the brightly dressed Capitol representative who will pick and read the names. He’s this overly chipper and delusional man with sky blue hair and a matching suit but no button up underneath. Felix assumed he was trying to emulate the colors of District 4 with the ocean or whatever, but he just looked like a tropical fish.
But, he straightens up and crosses his arms. “How long do we have to pretend to be okay with all of this?”
Mags doesn’t answer, she bites her lip and just tries to look ahead, relaxing when she locks eyes with her daughter who stands with her husband off to the side. She’s much too young to be eligible for the reaping, but it’ll eventually come. And he knows Mags is painfully aware of that fact. “Long enough so we can try to live our lives normally.”
Felix scoffed. “Impossible. This,” he gestures all around them. “Is not normal.”
Mags nudges him again. “Tone it down, it’s too early for this talk.”
Felix would fight back, but he swallows the argument in his throat and goes back to sulking. He may not care what happens to him anymore, but he won’t jeopardize Mags and her family. She still has something to live for, she has this optimistic hope that died in himself.
“Sorry,” he grumbles to her. She just squeezes his arm comfortingly.
“I get it, it’s the worst day of the year. For all of us.”
Felix nodded, eyeing the crowd as it started to settle. He spots his own family, his two younger brothers, Aerin and Atlas who stand in the anxious crowd of children awaiting to hear their fate. Felix nods at them, a silent ‘good luck’. Both brothers give a nervous nod back. Despite not really seeing them, he still cares. And despite being a Victor, that won’t protect his family from also being at risk of being next.
Bright blue Capitol man approaches them with a wide smile. “We’re just about ready! Once the mayor comes on stage, we can get started.”
Felix says nothing, giving him a death glare. Mags is usually the one that answers. And she replies, “Sounds good, thank you Elatus.”
Elatus, that’s the Capitol pet’s name, Felix thinks. Elatus gives Felix one last glance, but his look remains unchanged. Elatus nods awkwardly and backs away. Mags can’t hide her smirk.
“Sometimes I really like your brooding, murderous looks,” she comments.
Felix smirks towards Mags. “His smell was making me nauseous.”
The small moment is ruined by the sight of the Mayor and the Capitol anthem blasting over the loudspeakers. Their smiles drop as it was time, time to start, time to choose, time for the cycle to begin again.
The Mayor sits on the other side of the stage as them, looking worse for wear. Nervous, sweaty, guilty, all these seem to cross his face. He’s an older man of about sixty, no kids left to be reaped but he’s been Mayor for a while, and he out of anyone as he’s told Felix a million times, he feels the most guilty for having to count those votes and announce Felix as the male tribute that horrible year. Since then he’s been no stranger to the bottle.
But the cameras point to Elatus, who's waving and smiling as he leans into the microphone in front of him on a stand. “Welcome! Who’s ready for another exciting year?”
The crowd is deadly silent. Making Elatus blush with embarrassment furiously. He clears his throat. “Happy Hunger Games! And on this 29th Annual Games, may the odds be ever in your favor!”
Felix visibly cringes at the phrase, made up and said for the first time during his games. Then of course, the reading of the script about the Dark Days, the creation of the Games, the Treaty, blah blah blah. Felix goes numb and blocks it out. It’s the same every year and doesn’t soften what comes after it any better.
“We’ll start with the girls,” he says, reaching in, swirling it around with a teasing smile. A collective breath is sucked in with the crowd, waiting for the name. Elatus finally selects a crisp slip and waves it to the crowd, oohing and awwing. Which infuriates the crowd. Already making a spectacle of their lives,
Elatus opes the slip and announces clear as day, “Marin Omelas.”
Felix makes a face, the name vaguely familiar but he couldn’t quite place it. The crowd parts to reveal Marin, who is standing there, shellshocked. Her beautiful big eyes are a blueish green, much like any District 4 resident. Her hair naturally light brown, but stained blonde on top and on the ends from the sun. She has minimal freckles that are splashed against her nose, soft features, parted pink lips and is absolutely beautiful. She shines even in an old seagreen sundress. Square neck, corset op, long, flowy skirt and old brown boots. No jewelry of any sort, and her hair is pinned back with a seashell clip. She’s nothing special, but whats tragic is she looks older, like 17 or 18 or so, meaning she was so close of being free forever, alas the universe is not kind and Marin did not have any odds in her favor today.
She shakes her head, fixes her dress and steps into the center aisle to approach the stage. All cameras focus on her to see her face. Would she be sad like most? Defiant? Determined? Or just shocked and numb? But she surprises them all by taking a deep breath and smiling. She gives a wide, toothy smile and walks up to the stage slowly as she takes the time to acknowledge anyone who give her a comforting word or nod. She waves to the camera like she was excited. Felix was confounded to this. Was she complacent? What was her angle?
Felix gave Mags a worrying look, was this girl insane? Mags shrugs as they all silently watched her ascend the stairs to the main stage and shake Elatus’s hand.
“Congratulations,” he heard Elatus tell her. She doesn’t answer, just nods as she goes to take her place on the right of the stage. She keeps smiling, but it’s looking more forced. She’s not happy, Felix realizes. She’s shocked but already playing. She’s already fighting. Felix can’t help but admire the spunk.
“And now, the gentleman,” Elatus says to a silent crowd, not done mourning one of their own. He puts on a similar show of mixing the names around and dramatically pulling a name from the bowl. Felix didn’t even have time to worry for his brothers and wish them well and pray to whatever was out there to keep them safe when Elatus announces, “Orin Whelk.”
The boy revealed was young, a thirteen maybe fourteen year old with curly dark blonde hair, dark green eyes and a large splatter of freckles on his face. He has the proper reaction, he curses and holds back tears. The boys around him try to comfort him as what Felix presumed the boy’s mother runs up from the back to give him a huge hug and sob. Sights like that made Felix uncomfortable and panged his chest, he had to look away.
Felix didn’t dare look at Mags either, who was shaking slightly. He just waited for the sounds of Orin climbing the stairs and taking his place then finally Elatus closing the show before both tributes are pushed outside the amphitheater towards the town hall outside so they can have their final goodbyes with their families.
The kids not chosen celebrate quietly, thankful to have been spared but at a cost. And spared for at least another year before they all did this one more time.
Peacekeepers came up to Felix and Mags and pulled them both up. “Hey!” Felix shouted. They gripped both their arms and dragged them out of the amphitheater and towards the train station, where a larger Capitol train awaited to take them out west right away. The nice trains, from what Felix was told, was also a touch added for his games. Mags described how they used to be taken by cattle car. Though they were all still chained to get on and off, like said cattle.
Felix shook free from one of the guards. “Let us go, we’re not resisting.”
They all stop as Elatus catches up with them. “Woah!” He calls. “Slow down folks, wait for me.”
“We’re on a schedule, Elatus,” one of the Peacekeepers says. Elatus scoffs. “We have fifteen minutes, they have to say their goodbyes. Plus, you have to give me time to work with my team and get reaction shots. We might need to reshoot some things.”
Felix bit his tongue, he hated that they did that. The Peacekeepers sigh and do let Mags go. She grunts as she assesses her arm, slight bruise from the violent grab. Felix was steaming at that, he inspected her arm for other injuries and practically growled at the Peacekeepers. Elatus was already off to talk to the camera crew.
Felix looked to Mags to see if she was ok, she just gave him a nod. From there he yells at the Peacekeepers, “Don’t you touch her,” he warns. “We aren’t running and will cooperate like we’ve been doing the last four fucking years.”
“Language,” Mags warns, but he squeezes his hand in gratitude. He squeezes it back.
“We’ll escort you to the train,” they tell Felix and Mags menacingly as they ready their large guns and walk behind Mags and Felix to the train. Luckily they don’t get to be chained or a real riot would happen.
They are pushed through the entrance as the door glides shut behind them. Felix growls again as he marches towards the dining car, needing a drink.
Mags scurries after him. “Felix Castellan,” she sternly says. “Calm down.”
“Mags, not now.”
“Felix, I need you to not be the Capitol bad boy and just listen,” she implores angrily. They reach the dining car where thankfully, the bar is already set up. He hated that nickname, the Capitol Bad Boy, the rebel. He had this angry look to him that when he was a tribute, they played up as this mysterious bad boy. That year was the first year they did interviews, and Felix needed an angle, as the Capitol attendant at the time told him. He was attractive, why not go for the bad boy? The 1 & 2 kids would be going for the clean cut hero look, he needed to be the opposite. To stand out. But now that’s all he’s known for.
“I just can’t fucking stand it,” he vents, pouring a glass of a dark amber drink. “Every fucking year and we do what they say every year, jump, do tricks, obey, mentor and they still treat us like animals.”
“Felix,” Mags reprimands. “Enough.”
“No Mags, when is enough? I can’t keep fucking doing this, being treated like this, and then see these kids go through this and know we failed them? I can’t live like this,” he says, voice hoarse and exhausted and angry.
“Yes you can, and you know why?”
“Why?” He implores. “What’s the point?”
“Because I need you to live, so I can be reminded that there is a reason why we do this, so maybe one day, we will succeed and bring someone home. So yes, while I am forced each year to lose people we come to care for, and root for and invest in, only to see them die and feel like it’s my fault, there is always that slight chance, that my efforts are not in vain.”
She then takes Felix’s drink from his hands, dumps it and hugs him. “Because I helped you, you are here and you are proof that if we keep trying, it can bring someone home. So I try, and I care, and I fight so I can save these kids. And I need you to do that to so we can do our best to save them. So can you promise me you’ll try?”
Felix hesitates, but hugs her back and holds back anguish.
“Please,” she asks softly. “Promise to care, to try to bring them home. And to do that, you have to care about yourself. So find meaning so you can I can bring one of them home.”
He knew he lost because he can’t say no to Mags. She gives her heart to everyone, and if she can give that much and keep going, that he needs to as well. Maybe he can find purpose again in his own life.
“Ok,” he agrees. “I promise.”
Mags lets go and pats his cheek. “It’ll be okay, let’s just do everything we can to get to know these kids and help them.”
Felix sighs. He’s never actually tried to talk to them personally, he’s given his advice, given tips, but always tried to keep them at arms length to make the hurt of losing them year after year more bearable. But, a promise is a promise. And this year, he was going to hurt.
The two tributes are loaded onto the car after about thirty minutes. Elatus must have taken more videos of them for exploitation. But they look sad, both obviously crying. Even Marin, the smiling weird one has normal emotions as it turns out as everything seems to be hitting her.
Elatus and the camera people hop on as well, smiling with success. The train then jolts as it starts to pull away. Orin runs to the window to catch a last glimpse of his home. He shed a few silent tears as District 4 slowly became just a dot in the distance.
Marin didn’t even wait, she just walked past them all and into the next train car as the doors slid shut behind her.
Mags sighed and whispered over to Felix, “Divide and conquer, I’ll comfort the boy, you follow the girl, get to know her as a person and not a tribute.”
Felix bit the inside of his cheek. “Fine.”
“And no depressing death talk, we need them to trust us so we can help.”
“Got it,” Felix sighs, heading out to follow Marin wherever she went. He walked through at least three cars until he reached the back, just an empty car with seats along the walls and windows along the side. Marin sits by a window, gazing out to the scenery in a trance.
He took a breath, wiping the sweat from his palms on his shirt as he awkwardly approached her. He wasn’t exactly the comforting kind type like Mags was. He didn’t do people .
“Hi,” he greets. She jumps as she turns towards him, but relaxes when she sees who it is.
“Hi,” she replied, voice deadpan, and turned back to the window. This was not going well, he was already floundering.
“I..uh…I’m sorry you were picked.”
She shrugs. “Not your fault.”
Like pulling teeth, but he pushes on. “But it’s still not fun.”is
She chuckles darkly. “Yes, definitely not fun .”
Felix shook his head. “I’m not good at this.”
“Human empathy?”
He rubbed the back of his neck and sat down next to her. “No, talking to people. I’m not a people person.”
“I noticed,” she teases. Felix was confused by her attitude. People are solemn, devastated. She seems resigned.
“Can I ask you something?”
She nods, not breaking her sights on the window.
“Why did you smile like you did when you were called?”
Again, she grins. A puzzling reaction. “I didn’t plan it. I didn’t have time to really think, I just heard my name and it didn’t register at first,” she admits. “My heart sank, everything I was planning, everything I had made for myself now suddenly didn’t matter. It was like I suddenly wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t Marin Omelas, small business owner, sister, District 4 citizen. I was Marin Omelas, the victim of the Hunger Games.”
Felix could understand that being selected essentially strips your previous identity. You aren’t you. You’re suddenly the famous victim known for only this now, despite who you were or what you did before. Now people will only speak of your death, not your life.
“Yeah,” he empathizes. “You lose your life, in more ways than one.”
“So I smiled because my life became meaningless. It suddenly became a farce and in a way, was cosmically funny. Me, selected on my last eligible reaping where I had stuff to look forward to, people to take care of. And now, poof, it’s gone.”
He leans back in the seat and crosses his arms. “It’s true, everything you thought you knew is gone and now you have to grapple with the possibility of your imminent death.”
Marin let out a snort. “You are very bad at mentoring,” she says, stifling a laugh.
“And you are very bad at being a sad tribute.”
She turns her head to him and grins. Felix also grins, feeling the tension finally melt. He liked her, she had spunk. “But I’ll do you a favor, I’ll help you survive.”
“So, your job?”
“Funny,” he quips. “First step to getting out of this alive, is to want to live. Do you want to live?”
“Of course,” she emphasizes. “I don’t want to die, I have people at home. And…I want my legacy to be more than this.”
“Great, so then if you promise to fight, I promise to do everything in my power to get you back on this train to go home, do we have a deal?”
She takes a breath and nods. She sticks her hand out for him to shake. “Deal.”
They shake hands and Felix feels his heart tighten, like just touching her made him nervous. But it wasn’t her touch, it was her smile. He cursed himself for thinking of this with a potential expiration date. Felix shakes it off and continues,
“Then let’s begin, tell me everything about yourself.”
“Everything?” She asked. Felix nodded. He promised Mags he would really try, so let’s see what makes this Marin Omelas tick. “Ok. Um, I’m 18, have a younger brother and sister who are 16 and 12. My mom died when I was eight, so I essentially raised my siblings. My dad loved us, but he was a fisherman so he was always gone for days, sometimes weeks at a time out to sea never knowing if he was okay.”
She paused for a beat before continuing, “It’s ok, he survived. I got a job when I turned 12, just cleaning the boats in the harbor, you know like scraping the barnacles off the side, helping repaint them, washing the main deck, sometimes assisting with excursions where I’d be on hand climbing the mast to untangle the sail or being that extra hand to make sure the boom didn’t swing around and helped stay on course. It wasn’t much but I used what little I had to get my siblings food and clothes and everything. I saved a little though for myself. I always dreamed of having my own boat,” she explains, smiling now. “I planned on saving to buy a nice 16 or 18 foot boat where I could do my own thing, fish, crab, sail and just be on my own on the sea without working for anyone in particular. I could sell my fare in town and my family could help and it was slowly coming together. I had made a deal with the Shipmaster on a down payment that I was going to put down and pay next weekend…”
She trailed off, looking out the window where the trees started to multiply and the terrain sharpened.
She just chuckled, which shocked Felix. “I guess that’s not happening anymore. Can you do me a favor?”
“What?”
“The money I saved up, it’s in my family's house under the floorboards of my bedroom. I’m sure my sister Kee will show you where that is, and it's the one marked with a star and in a tin box. Should be enough to keep my family going or for them to get the boat when I’m gone.”