Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Some things never change.

Teru was squeezed in a crushing hug before he could get one foot past the gate. His sword and backpack weren’t spared, as none of them could wait for him to set them down after an entire year apart.

As Kou wrapped his arms around his ribcage, Tiara squeezed his waist. The first thing that Teru noticed was that they were both taller.

Just a few feet away from home, wrapped in his sibling’s arms, Teru took his first real breath in a year.

He was quickly rushed inside, overwhelmed by the smell of a home he’d been deprived of for so long. He’d caught glimmers of it in shrines and the homes of various exorcists, but nobody else had homemade meals from Kou or the smell of the lysol they cleaned the counters with. The heat was running and the table was set full of plates that Teru hadn’t dared dream of for a year.

He was home.

The moment he graduated from Kamome Gakuen he’d been whisked off in a series of trials and jobs. He needed to prove himself as an exorcist, at the same time that an exorcist was needed around the country. It seemed impossible to do both things at once, but Teru didn’t have much of a choice.

He pushed his overgrown hair over the scars tracing from his cheekbone and far into his hairline, lamenting the need for a haircut. Kou could trim it, worst case scenario. Based on the way he was already fussing, he would offer before Teru ever had to worry about it.

It would put the brown scars on full display, but that was a consequence Teru knew he’d see sooner rather than later. For now, he could smile at his brother and pretend that everything was the way it used to be.

The food was delightful, the best thing Teru had ever tasted. He was convinced that Kou had gotten better at cooking in the year he was absent, and he said as such, collapsing on the table in a food-induced bliss. Konbini snacks and traditional meals from strangers had nothing on Kou’s cooking. It was one of the things Teru had missed most, right after his siblings.

Tiara stood on the chair beside him and told him all about kindergarten, something that Teru had spent a lot of restless nights and long travels wondering about. He’d called when he could, but the effort became more and more infrequent the further the year went on.

It was all he could do to hope that Kou wouldn’t see the husk of a human that he was-- that he’d always been. Nothing truly changed during his trip, eternally squashed feelings merely rising to the surface. For one night, Teru could be the amazing big brother who was back from an incredible exorcist journey.

There was, however, one question that he knew he would have to answer. The barely healed scar on his head tingled.

Kou didn’t care about exorcisms, though, not yet.

Kou wanted to know how he kept himself fed. He asked about who Teru met in locations near and far. His questions laid on the mountains and the trees, much unlike the supernatural inquiries Teru had braced for.

He forgot just how perfect his little brother was, it seemed. His first night home was wonderful, almost enough to make him think that the past year hadn’t shaped him into a person entirely unrecognizable to himself. He ate until his stomach twisted with pain and smiled so genuinely that his face hurt from the unusual expression.

Teru heard all about his brother’s escapades at Kamome Gakuen, officially about to be in his final year of highschool. He couldn’t believe how time had gone by, and how much his brother had grown. The school mysteries still existed, and he had a feeling that there weren’t a whole lot of exorcisms going on, but the school was intact. Kou wouldn’t let anyone get hurt, at the very least.

Names that Teru had spent listless hours beneath stars ruminating about were mentioned casually, like they hadn’t all been through near death experiences together. Aoi didn’t run for student council president and Akane ran the gardening club, with Yashiro close at her side. Yokoo and Satou were still prominent figures in the stories, seeming to have matured as much as Kou did.

It was like being thrown back into a world both familiar and unfamiliar to him. Teru missed it as much as he loathed it, nodding along at the reality of the home he’d dreamed of for so many nights.

Time went on, but some things never did change.

Teru found himself on the couch, wide awake as he was every night, as Tiara’s new favorite movie played. He’d never seen it before, but Kou could quote the first five minutes. It was a piece of life that he’d missed out on, all for a life that left him hollow and scarred. He silently promised to see as much of Tiara’s life as possible, already being welcomed back into it with shrieks and waiting arms.

His internal clock ticked, fingers twitching for his sword. He was usually out exorcising by now, hiding behind walls in villages and cities that he didn’t know like the back of his hand. He didn’t know the best corners to hide in or the most common supernaturals that wandered the streets. Tonight would be something he’d dreamt of for eleven long months, yearning for the familiarity of his sword matched by his environment.

He knew that, if anything was the same, it would be his hometown. He’d heard enough tales from various exorcists across the country to know that it never changed.

It was only once he was halfway off the couch that he realized Tiara was the only one asleep.

“You're going out already?” Kou whispered.

It was hard to fall back into his mask when Kou was the one person he’d ever let it down around, but there was a time and a place for that. He’d always known that before, and he would readapt into it again.

“It’s habit, at this point,” Teru smiled.

He watched as blue eyes widened and caught his cheekbone, illuminated by the lamp right beside Teru. He knew it would happen fast, but he never created a sound cover story that Kou wouldn’t see through. For seven days he’d been harbored in a village outside of Osaka, the ocean rolling outside of the window as he recovered, and he still hadn’t fabricated a lie worthy of his brother.

The joy and relaxation on Kou’s fast slipped away so fast that, if Teru didn’t know him as well as he did, he’d have wondered if it was all fake. He didn’t expect the question that followed, Kou’s eyes still tracing the deep lines vanishing beneath his hairline; one right above his ear, the other beneath his temple. The space between them was textured and shiny, but colored the same as the rest of his skin, miraculously.

“Why’d you come home so suddenly, Nii-Chan?”

He didn’t last the full year, after all. No one said it would be a year, but it was how these things tended to go. They likely expected the journey to last even longer; Teru’s father certainly did.

He stood off of the couch and set a blanket over Tiara, nudging his head toward the door. The last thing he wanted was to wake her, even if he wasn’t capable of giving Kou the truth. It would be far too easy to let it slip from the lockbox in his chest, but he couldn’t dare. He couldn’t bear to see the admiration Kou had for him die away.

Kou stopped before he could leave the kitchen, as if a rift was pushing Teru away and holding Kou in. He was frowning, face full of a concern that Teru missed so dearly, no matter how much of a pain it could be.

“It was time,” he shrugged, because Teru Minamoto was nothing except for a coward.

Kou’s frown pulled deeper, “It’s something to do with that scar, isn’t it? What happened?”

As Kou got older, he retained all of his bold and unwavering kindness, all while his confidence grew. He was a force to be reckoned with, even before Teru left. Enough years of forcing Teru to sleep and eat a full dinner must have taught him how to be as stubborn as his brother.

Teru couldn’t even be mad, not when he was so proud.

“Yeah. I’m home now, though, and I’m staying.”

“Where’s dad?”

Dad, as if he was ever around before. As if Teru hadn’t just spent the most time with him out of his entire life, culminating in the explosion of his life’s work and the scar that would forever be visible to everyone who looked at him.

“No clue, he and I split ways outside Osaka.”

Kou narrowed his eyes before sighing. He looked down, fumbling with his fingers momentarily the way he had since he was a kid. He came back to himself quickly, looking at Teru with a new resolve.

“Can you tell me eventually, even if you won’t now?”

Huh. He wouldn’t have said that a year ago. Kou really did grow up.

Teru’s anxiety softened. He raised a hand to Kou’s head, getting close to his own height now. His hair was the same as always, so he ruffled it with the same manner.

“Sure,” he smiled, the taste of something bitter stuck on his tongue.

It wasn’t a promise he had any intention of acting on, but Kou nodded nonetheless.

“Don’t overdo it out there. You still need sleep, even if you’re a real exorcist now, Nii-Chan.”

The bitter taste turned sour. Teru turned and set his sword on his belt, ready to be pulled out at any moment. He’d pulled it out for the first time since Osaka on his way home, faced with supernaturals the way he always was. It felt too heavy in his hands.

“I would never,” he grinned.

“You have and you would. I’m gonna check your room!”

Teru chuckled as he let himself out, leaving the house as quickly as he arrived. His steps paused before the gate, and he took a moment to look around, breathing in the familiar air.

Something that felt like relief settled on his shoulders.

Teru was finally home.

He started off on the same roads that he’d learned to hold his sword on, routes ingrained into his mind deeper than his own sense of self. Despite the year passing, he was sure that the local supernaturals would still know who he was. He could show them just how much he’d improved in the last year, no matter how much of his soul went with it.

(Who was he kidding? His soul couldn’t go anywhere if it was never intact in the first place.)

Despite the persistent sour mood that he’d developed since arriving in Osaka, Teru’s confidence returned quickly as he ducked into familiar streets and lured out old supernaturals. He lost track of time, his mind used to being awake all night and his body used to the overexertion. It was exhilarating to be home again, even more so than he could have imagined. It filled him with a motivation that he’d been sorely lacking.

Besides, it wasn't as if he’d be sleeping, anyway. A perk of being home was that he wasn't forced to stare at ceilings when sleep avoided him; the streets outside weren’t dangerous and unfamiliar, not anymore.

Being squeezed in Kou and Tiara’s arms was enough to tell Teru that he was home, but he felt it more than ever when he was out exorcising supernaturals. He wasn’t sure what that said about him, except that it confirmed all of his worst fears of the past few weeks.

He nearly didn’t notice when he rounded a familiar street, red and purple hair flashing in his mind at the two neighboring buildings that stood only a few paces ahead of him. Teru couldn’t really say he ever had genuine friends, but the closest he’d ever gotten was eerily close to him.

He didn’t expect to see two pairs of legs dangling out of wide windows, the aforementioned almost-friends looking right at Teru.

Yeah, Teru was home.

Aoi’s eyes went wide beneath his glasses, his jaw dropping melodramatically in the typical emotional manner of his. It was something Teru always respected; Aoi’s ability to wear his heart on his sleeve so shamelessly. Even as a clock keeper, there was nothing he could keep inward. In his hand was his pocket watch, powerless outside of the school, yet resting there nonetheless.

Akane’s surprise faded to a smile and raised eyebrows awfully quickly, her hand going over her mouth to hide a giggle. The two of them were in their pajamas, previously leaning on the window frames, awake in the early hours of the morning for some godforsaken reason.

“You cannot be serious right now.”

Stood on the sidewalk in the gap between the two buildings, Teru felt the final reminder that he was home set in. An old smile settled on his face, the grin that pissed Aoi off the most.

“Hello to you too.”

Aoi’s arm went out in an angry gesture, nearly falling out of the window in the process. The opposite hand, pocket watch clutched in his palm, moved as if to stop time. In the cold winter air, Teru felt like it could actually work.

“You drop off the face of the earth, and this is how you come back?” Aoi shouted down to him.

Akane shushed him gently, much more cautious of the hour than Aoi. It was exactly what Teru would have expected from them, even after being hundreds of miles away.

“Hi, Minamoto.”

“Hello Akane,” Teru smiled, waving up at her.

He forgot just how fun it was to mess with Aoi, his eyes scrunching with anger. Teru looked at him and smiled in a way that would be considered fond, if it was anyone else looking at him.

“Exorcist duties,” he shrugged.

“That’s what your brother said,” Aoi muttered as if disgusted, almost too quiet for Teru to hear with the distance between them.

“Are you back to stay?” Akane asked, beginning to climb back into her window.

To be talking across their windows in the middle of the night, it must have been an awfully important thing that Teru intruded upon. It showed an awful lot of growth on Aoi’s part that they were so genuinely close now, growth that Teru had seen planted during his final year at Kamome Gakuen. Despite it all, he didn’t even question that Aoi still pursued Akane the way he always did; perhaps it simply wasn’t so obtrusive anymore, allowing them to have proper conversations with ease.

Particularly a converation serious enough to warrant opening their windows in the middle of the night.

“I am,” he flashed his smile at Aoi.

“Great,” Aoi groaned.

Teru was all out of sorts. He was in the midst of what one would call an identity crisis, questioning the one thing that had ever mattered to him. He’d come home not because his journey ended but because he quit, the results of a year spent as an exorcist being the realization that he was nothing but an exorcist. His father’s strong gaze on the mountain persisted constantly in his mind, his scar sticking out like a sore thumb in every mirror.

Yet, teasing Aoi made him feel a bit more like himself. He felt slightly more slotted into place, even if he didn’t even know where that place was supposed to be.

His smile wasn’t entirely real, as it hardly ever was, but compared to the ones he’d worn the last year? It was as real as Teru could ever get.

“See you around,” he said in a singsong voice that came back like second nature.

Finally, Teru’s mind was put at ease and his energy halted, allowing him to walk home. In reality, he wouldn’t see Aoi or Akane for a while without school to bridge them together, but it was a nice sentiment. His interactions with them would be limited to passing their houses in the dead of the night, when the rest of the world slept.

He didn’t mind the brief interaction, though. It made the day a true welcoming back to his hometown. Considering the consistent turmoil of his mind, the perfect homecoming was likely necessary.

Teru was pleased to see all of the lights off as he let himself back into his house. Kou was snoring from outside of his bedroom door, having fallen asleep before he could make sure Teru was back. It was what usually happened, as he was just a teenage boy, too. As hypocritical as it was of Teru to say-- and as much as Kou used to call him out on it-- he wanted Kou to get a good amount of sleep.

It struck him that all of the old knacks of his family were no longer memories he had to hold close to his chest. They were present, and they would happen again. He was back in his element, and he couldn’t be happier.

A too-big part of Teru wished he never went on his travels in the first place. He wished he got to see Tiara’s first day of kindergarten and wake up to Kou suddenly being taller.

Most of all, if he stayed home, he wouldn’t feel so lost. He never would have learned just how hollow of a person he was, and he wouldn’t have his father’s angry blue eyes stuck in his mind. There would be no scar, and no anemia that he was still recovering from.

Teru would still be himself, the prodigal exorcist who was going to go onto bigger and better things for his future as an exorcist. Well, he’d done it, and he came out of it less of an exorcist than ever.

He lingered at Tiara’s door and peeked his head through the crack, always just slightly open to let light filter in from the hallway. She could have mokke jumping around her room like it was a jungle gym, but the moment she was left in pitch darkness she woke up with nightmares. Their father was never home enough to know that.

Teru couldn’t stop the soft smile from spreading across his face, Tiara’s breaths just barely audible in the silent hallway. He saw her mokke cuddled in her arms, the same way it always used to be before. She still slept on her back despite their best attempts to change it, her hair tangled into a rats nest above her pillow. Tomorrow, Kou would detangle it the way he always did. Teru still remembered when he whacked himself in the forehead learning how to use a hairbrush.

Before he collapsed into bed, he remembered to set an alarm. It was the same one he used to use for school, switching it on for the first time in a year. He didn’t have school, but he wanted to have Kou’s freshly made breakfast. He could see his siblings off, it was the least he could do.

He barely blinked before the alarm was blaring at him.

Teru had never been a morning person. It was a fact known in his household that, when he got the chance to sleep, it clung to him like sludge. Rising for school was particularly difficult, no matter how much he plastered on a smile and cheeriness when he arrived.

A lot changed in the past year, however. He stopped using alarms and began to trust that his body would simply wake up when it needed to, seeing as he never fell into a deep enough sleep to rest for long. He worked tirelessly every night, getting to a point where sleepiness simply didn’t set in despite a bone-deep exhaustion growing within him. By the time he fell onto the uncomfortable mattress of the week, he woke as the sun rose and began it all again. If he allowed himself to be groggy, he would never stop, so he pulled on the hood of the perfect Minamoto eldest son and gave people his best smile.

Blinking once and waking up the next moment was nothing new to Teru, not anymore.

Feeling as if he’d sank into his mattress overnight was. Even though it’d been a year since he had such a luxury, he suddenly found himself never wanting to get up. It was like his blankets hugged him and his body was finally put to rest, his exhaustion suddenly working its way into reality. Teru wanted nothing less than to get up; staying in bed forever felt like a great idea, and he applauded his younger self for considering it every morning.

Just like it used to, as if no time had passed at all, the door opened and Kou’s head popped in.

“Teru-Nii? Why’d you set an alarm?”

The room was so bright, and Teru’s bed was so comfortable. His exhaustion was nothing more than an afterthought for so long, but it all crashed into him in the haze of his first morning in bed. He never missed his bed enough, he decided. He always decided that the uncomfortable mattresses were worth it because they increased his productivity, getting him up with the sun and making him an even better exorcist.

A familiar bitterness filled his mouth. Just like he had every morning for the last two weeks, he recalled the last time he’d seen his father.

Amazingly, it didn’t break the layer of sleepiness covering him. If Teru hit his breaking point on that mountain, this was when his exhaustion caved. The culmination of a lifetime of setting aside a personality in favor of being a good exorcist, and then a year of nothing but being the best exorcist the country had to offer, had led to him falling back asleep. Despite collapsing into his comfortable bed only two hours prior, he felt like he slept better than he had in the whole year.

“Teru-Nii,” Kou dragged the vowel out.

When Teru opened his eyes again, Kou was looming over him. He groaned, desperate to stay in bed. It was so comfortable. He didn’t ever want to move, and perhaps it wasn’t in the same manner that he used to say such a thing. Even his skin felt tired.

“Oni-Chan!”

There was a shriek, and then Tiara landed on Teru.

He missed his siblings so much.

“Wake up! Wake up!” Tiara shouted, clambering to properly sit on Teru.

Clumsy hands pulled at his face, yanking his head forward and out of the fluff of his pillows. Even as he blinked awake, fingers landed at his eyelids, pulling them open like she’d done the same thing merely yesterday.

“I’m awake, I’m awake,” he muttered.

With sleepy movements he began to tickle his sister, delighting in her giggles. It allowed him to open his eyes even more, a smile growing on his face. In the doorway, Kou watched with his own toothy smile. Tiara’s backpack was in his hand and his apron was on.

“So, why’d you set your alarm?”

Tiara, satisfied that Teru was awake, hopped off the bed. She ran to take her backpack from Kou, slowly pulling it on even though they wouldn’t be leaving yet.

Teru leaned onto his side and smiled lazily, “Breakfast.”

He was so tired. His display of waking up was more for Tiara’s sake than anything, and it was only because he had a modicum of patience that he didn’t groan at her for too long. Those who really knew him would argue that he had absolutely no patience, but he knew when to exercise it. For Tiara, it was easy.

Mostly.

He was exhausted. Teru didn’t think he’d ever been so tired in his life. He knew that he didn’t sleep like a normal person should, but that had always been the case.

This exhaustion went beyond the surface, beyond the accessible trenches of his mind. It stretched deep into his bones and corrupted his entire brain, thoughts muddled and sad. For a year he’d worked himself to the bone, hardly sleeping, while going through a persistent state of turmoil. If he gave it thought, he would understand that it made sense. He didn’t feel like thinking, though.

Teru was tired in every sense of the word. Most of all, he was so tired of being an exorcist. It was something he couldn’t admit to himself for months, not until it exploded in his face. All he’d ever been was an exorcist, and if he’d continued on his path, all he would ever be was an exorcist. So, he came home, and he still had no idea who else he was supposed to be. Teru Minamoto was nothing more than the prodigal firstborn, because that’s all anyone wanted him to be. When fulfilling that role protected his siblings, he’d taken it on without a second thought. There was no one beneath that surface, and the fact haunted him to no end.

So, not only was he exhausted, but he saw no purpose in getting up. If he could stay in bed for the first time in a year— in his life— then he would. He exorcised enough supernaturals last night to cover the town for the day, now that various people weren’t actively calling for his help.

His life was nothing but a series of exorcisms and sleep stolen where he could fit it. It was awfully miserable, so he chose to stay in bed.

There was a brief sound of shushing and footsteps, and then there was darkness.

A second later, the bed dipped with the weight of a human. It wasn’t enough to wake Teru, well aware that he was safe at home.

It was the smell of the food that opened his eyes.

Kou was fully dressed in his uniform, the apron officially removed. The highschool uniform would always be jarring to see on him, no matter the full year Teru witnessed it. He couldn’t believe how much his little brother had grown up. He was so, so proud.

“You didn’t have to bring it upstairs,” he murmured, rubbing at his eyes.

He probably needed to get up. People always needed him.

“You should keep sleeping, you definitely need it. But if you woke up just for food, you can have some.”

Teru wasn’t sure what he did to deserve his brother. If he knew about what happened in Osaka, would he still make breakfast like this?

It was a shallow, cruel assumption of Kou’s character, but Teru’s misery held no bounds as of late. In his sleepy state, he couldn’t talk himself out of the fear. That was okay, because he wouldn’t tell Kou what happened regardless. He’d let Kou look up to him the way he always had, because if Teru didn't have that, then he would truly be soulless. He was close enough as it was.

Kou set the plate on his nightstand. Teru tossed out a hand, getting a fistful of egg, before lifting the toast to his mouth.

Kou chuckled, “You should stay in bed today.”

“No, I’ll get up soon. Have a good day at school.”

Teru took a bite of the toast and melted into the bed a little more. He’d considered walking his siblings to school, but it seemed that the possibility was unachievable in his current state.

He fell asleep to the sound of Kou and Tiara outside of his window, walking to school.

He didn’t get out of bed soon. He didn’t get out of bed at all.

There was no reason in the world that could persuade Teru to leave the first lick of comfort he’d known in so long. He didn’t know anyone could be so tired, let alone him. No matter how many times Kou chastised him about not being invincible, Teru was a prodigy. It put him above others, and it meant his needs mattered a little less. If he could push on without sleep everyday, why wouldn’t he?

This was the demeanor that the old woman healing him in Osaka had expected of him. He’d been sullen enough, uncaring to hide it in the quaint cottage, that she could see his misery.

All of his mistakes had been upturned, so how couldn’t he be miserable?

The depression never really left, no matter how far he got from Osaka. If he really thought about it, it was feelings that he’d kept buried for a long time. He let them out on rare occasions, when Kou cried to him over missing their mom or when Aoi seemed like the perfect person to hear it and pick him back up-- all without even trying. Yet, after he let the emotions out, he always put them back in their box.

His father’s eyes on that mountain must have burned a hole into that box, Teru hypothesized in one of his brief moments of being awake. His phone woke him up with an incessant buzzing that he probably should have been more curious about.

It kept buzzing.

And buzzing.

And-

Teru grabbed his phone harshly and picked up the phone, panic striking through him at what Kou could have possibly gotten himself into. He wasn’t used to being called urgently, but he remembered where he was and the dangers that could happen. It was good that he was there, for Kou’s sake.

“Finally,” a voice that was not Kou dragged out. “Come to the diner after school is out.”

Teru practically sank back into the bed as his brief adrenaline rush bottomed out. He could feel sleep calling him again, even though Aoi’s request was curious. Teru didn’t think he’d hear from him again anytime soon, if ever, seeing as Aoi never liked him all that much.

“No,” he chirped into the phone, as awake and cheery as he could.

He promptly hung up, the beginning of a shout being cut off before it could hurt Teru’s ears. He didn’t bother to hide the smile forming on his face, muting his phone and turning back over in his bed. Messing with Aoi was always fun.

Maybe he should have agreed to go, to try to replant his roots in his hometown. It could even be a way to make himself more than the exorcist he always was, and more importantly, had truly become. For whatever reason, he was being asked to go out for lunch, and that was usually a good way to plant roots.

As fun as it could be, Teru didn’t care enough. He didn’t know how to be anything but an exorcist, and as much as he wanted to learn, he didn’t see it to be possible.

Coming home was his only way to create a person named Teru Minamoto, but that was as far as he’d gotten in the plan. It didn’t reinvent him or change everything. He’d still stayed out late into the night exorcising supernaturals, and now, for whatever reason, he was seemingly unable to get up.

He fell back asleep.

The next time he awoke, it was to the house shaking with the strength of the front door slamming. He drifted back off into sleep, assured that Kou made it home safe from school.

“Woah! Teru-Nii! Are you okay?”

Teru still hadn’t gotten up.

“Huh?” he murmured, opening his eyes to see Kou standing over him.

He had a thermometer and an ice pack, a cold hand landing on his forehead in seconds.

“Did you even get up? Are you okay? Do you feel sick?”

The rapidfire questions were too much for him, slowly sitting up for the first time all day. He looked around the bright room before facing Kou, looking awfully out of breath as he looked at him with wide eyes.

“I feel fine, why?”

“You’ve been sleeping all day! You never even sleep! What happened to you?”

As sweet and childish as the panic was, there was real concern behind Kou’s eyes. It was a concern that went beyond why Teru was simply sleeping all day, one which was only cured by the only answers that Teru absolutely wouldn’t give his brother. The tales of Osaka would remain kept under lock and key, even if his emotions weren’t able to be.

He chuckled and took the ice pack from his brother, setting it on his nightstand. The plate was still there, guilt pooling in his stomach at the uneaten food.

“I’m fine,” he chuckled, even though he wished he could shut his eyes again. “It’s just the year catching up to me.”

Kou frowned, “Are you sure? This is really weird behavior for you, Nii-Chan.”

“I’m sure,” he strengthened the fake smile on his face.

“Oh, well, thank god,” Kou turned to walk out before jolting back. “I almost forgot! Aoi-Senpai and Akane-Senpai are downstairs!”

Teru blinked.

That was odd.

He could understand the phone calls. That was typical behavior for Aoi, a persistent thorn in his side. Showing up at his house, however, for some mysterious reason…

It was abnormal. He supposed that Aoi’s six years as a clock keeper created some abnormality.

“Can you tell them to leave?” He asked ruefully.

“Huh? Why? They’re your friends, they probably just missed you.”

Of all the possibilities Teru considered, that wasn’t one. He imagined that it was some sort of nosiness or specific supernatural problem. His biggest assumption was that Aoi was simply back to his old role, persistently bugging him.

Akane showing up was curious, but Teru and her had created a strange sort of acquaintanceship after the events of the Severance. The masks they wore were made of the same type of steel, and once they were on the same page about that, it almost became a game. Bitter smiles and side eyes were a highlight of his day, as people fawned over the two of them and they could speak in a silent language all the while. Teru shared a few productive conversations with her, and she became someone he could actually tolerate.

She could be judgmental and cruel, similarly to Teru, and starkly different from Aoi.. Aoi didn’t have a truly vile bone in his body. He and Teru simply created their… rivalry many years ago, and it never quite let it up. They wouldn’t be able to talk without it.

Begrudgingly, Teru got out of bed. He had to see what was going on for himself, seeing as the problem wasn’t at all going away. He pulled on a pair of slippers and a hoodie, movements sluggish and slow. It was a good thing he didn’t have to exorcise anything yet, seeing as his sword would probably fall right out of his hands.

(The heaviness that he hadn’t been able to ignore lately certainly wouldn’t help, but he would continue ignoring it until it killed him.)

He heard the friendly, awkward conversation between his brother and Aoi as he came down the stairs. Yashiro’s name was mentioned, an easy connection between the two.

“Jeez, did you die or something?”

Teru looked at Aoi and glared, putting on his best smile. It was the one that all the girls at school swooned over, and Aoi found the most annoying.

“You do kind of look…” Kou trailed off, cringing.

There was something beneath the judgemental concern, something that Teru wouldn't answer.

“I’m sleeping off my travels, but thank you for the concern.”

Kou’s eyes narrowed, well aware that Teru never needed to sleep anything off. An old, familiar feeling of weakness curdled in his stomach, reminding him of his father’s harsh tone on the mountain. He shouldn’t have needed so much rest, yet exhaustion still tugged at him like a weight he couldn’t be free of.

“Do you want to come to the diner with us? We can catch up and chat,” Akane said with a finger on her chin.

“Yeah, and find out why the hell you think it’s okay to disappear without a single explanation as to why!”

They’re your friends.

Teru never thought he’d breached the line of friendship with Aoi and Akane, even though he didn’t even know what that was. He simply assumed that he never made it there, because how could he? Friends weren’t something Teru Minamoto got to have.

This… seemed like something that friends did, though.

Even if he had been their friend, how in the world did that friendship persist in the face of a year without a single word said between them? Teru knew he had a dozen missed calls and texts, dating far before this morning.

He was struck with the idea that maybe, just maybe, he did want to go to the diner with his friends. Even if he would be slow to admit it, he did enjoy their company. It started with meetings over supernatural happenings and student council, and then, he found himself grouped with Aoi and Akane more and more. It always seemed accidental, but…

Maybe Teru was just an idiot.

“You’re going! Go get dressed,” Kou yanked the hood of his sweatshirt toward the stairs, a palm going against his back to shove him back upwards.

He couldn’t say no even if he wanted to-- which, he didn’t want to. However, he also didn’t know how to be a person. Every outing taught him just a little bit more.

It wasn’t long before he was back down the stairs again, fitted in the same jacket that he’d traveled across the country in. It was weird to have such a wide range of clothes available to him again, and he didn’t know how to handle it, so he merely wore the same thing he was used to. His options were usually this or traditional regalia for exorcisms and rituals.

“Good,” Akane smiled, opening the front door.

“Some food does sound nice,” Teru said thoughtlessly.

“It would when you’ve been in bed all day,” Aoi retorted.

Some things really did stay the same.

They started off toward the diner, an awkwardness growing in Teru with every step. He didn’t know how this worked before, and he knew even less now. His father’s eyes began flashing in his mind, constantly reminding him just how little of a person he was. Everything seemed to highlight it, no matter where he went, and he had no idea how to amend it.

He was mostly quiet as Akane explained whatever happened in the gardening club. She mentioned Yashiro plenty of times, which gave Teru the perfect opening to ask how she was doing. After everything that happened with Number Seven, it was a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

He learned that she was good, much less depressed than she’d seemed before he left. There was something that the two danced around, but Teru didn’t inquire into it, figuring that he could let the sleeping dog lie. The conversation derailed into the happenings at Kamome Gakuen, in which Teru could happily listen while still partaking.

All in all, it wasn’t that bad.

Just like everything else, the diner was as familiar as it always was. Aoi insisted on getting the drinks, giving Teru a pointed stare for his horrible choices, and it truly was like no time passed. Yet, Aoi wasn’t wearing his glasses, and he too had grown taller. Akane’s hair was considerably shorter, hanging around her shoulders, and their uniforms were those of third years, days shy of graduating.

Teru slid into his booth and tried to pretend that he was the same he always had been.

“So, you finally got away from student council. You must be happy, huh?” Aoi asked after they placed their orders.

It was hard to ignore the changes, really. Teru was reminded of more than a few meltdowns to Aoi, absolutely tearless and much more of a moment for him to complain. They were the closest he ever got to breaking down. He’d nearly forgotten why he ever felt so comfortable with him to get to that point in the first place.

He heard the underlying message. Getting away from Aoi went unsaid.

He shrugged, “It’s weird. It took some time to adjust to.”

It would’ve been easy to turn it into a joke; Teru wasn’t sure why he didn’t. One of Akane’s eyebrows went up with thinly veiled curiosity.

“Yeah, after you fell off the face of the earth?” Aoi used the same phrase as the night prior, and Teru had a feeling he’d said it plenty of times before.

He leaned his cheek on his knuckles “Aw, did you miss me that much?”

Teru delighted in watching Aoi’s face redden and his mouth open in a shout. It was always fun to get a rise out of him, his emotions as readable as a picture book.

Unfortunately, before any shout could occur, he watched as Aoi’s eyes landed on his scar. He’d accidentally shown it off to them by tilting his head adoringly, putting it on full display. He wasn’t used to the angles to best hide it yet-- if there were any.

Akane looked at Aoi, her eyes sparkling with understanding. She’d already seen it, then. Aoi on the other hand was silenced by the realization, staring at Teru’s temple like it wouldn’t be considered rude by anyone else.

It was exactly what he should’ve expected, had he ever considered the possibility that he would see his almost friends again.

He didn’t miss how Aoi’s hand went over his ribs, where the circular scar undoubtedly rested from their time on the far shore.

“What the hell happened to you?”

“That’s not very nice, now is it?”

Aoi huffed, but the serious gaze that had overtaken his expression persisted. He’d seen the first sign of change in a whole year, and now, Teru couldn’t dodge the question like he did before.

These people weren’t Kou.

There wasn’t a whole lot of preparation before Teru left last year. He graduated, spent two days restless and unsure of what he was doing, and then his father showed up. Teru had always known he would go traveling for roughly a year after graduating, as was customary for exorcists, so it wasn’t a surprise. Going off with his father was, but it wasn’t like he knew how to travel the country on his own. He swallowed his pride and hopped on a train with the man who knew him less than even the students at school who saw him as merely a pretty face.

There were no farewells, no drawn out goodbyes. Teru didn’t text anyone, didn’t give anyone a heads up. He squeezed Kou and Tiara like his life depended on it, well aware that he could die anyday and never see them again. There wasn’t time to process that he was leaving life as he knew it, and he never truly thought about it until he found himself missing Kou in the middle of the night.

Teru saw the texts and calls from Aoi, Akane, hell, even Yashiro. He was sure that they asked Kou where he was, but it was unexpected for him to disappear longterm so suddenly. He ignored each and every notification and silenced his phone unless it was to speak to Kou and Tiara; it was easier that way. It was what he had to do, to be a good exorcist.

In fleeting moments, beneath the stars with his sword in his hand and his heart in his throat, he wished that he’d at least said a goodbye.

“Seriously, Minamoto.”

“It was pretty concerning,” Akane said, filling in the emotions that Aoi wouldn’t dare breathe. “Your brother just kept saying ‘exorcist stuff’, but Nene told me that he was stressed.”

Teru’s heart squeezed at the thought. Kou was never good at hiding things, so it made sense that he told Yashiro and that it traveled through the grapevine from there. It was hard to imagine anyone truly worrying about him, not with the shields he’d enforced so heartily over the years.

“I guess you’re some sort of real-deal exorcist now, huh?” Aoi grumped.

He thought about smiling and quipping something sarcastic, particularly to piss off Aoi. He could’ve lied and said it was all a breeze. It would have been so, so easy. If Kou was there, he would have.

Instead, he let down the posture that he was so careful to uphold, up until his forehead landed on the table. The glasses and silverware clinked with the thump.

He was a real-deal exorcist.

Teru groaned, moving his head so that his cheek-- so his scar-- rested against the table and he could see the Aois on the opposite side of the table. Akane’s smile of steel had fallen, a wry expression taking its place. Aoi looked disgusted, as he always did when it came to Teru’s moments of emotion, but somehow, he knew it wasn’t real. There was something behind it.

He sat up, pulling himself back together into the firstborn Minamoto son. The moment of weakness was over. Maybe a year ago he could have continued on, but not now. Not when he knew he was nothing more than an exorcist, and that was exactly how it was designed to be.

“I guess so,” he shrugged.

“You never did seem all that passionate about it,” Akane said.

Aoi narrowed his eyes, having seen Teru’s exorcism skills firsthand multiple times, but he didn’t argue.

There were two options: he could shut down the conversation and be the prodigal exorcist, or he could be brave for once in his life-- or weak, a voice that sounded suspiciously like his father said.

Teru shut the voice down and looked at his friends, biting his tongue. He didn’t want to be his father. He didn’t want to just be an exorcist. He wanted to be a human, even if he was anything but.

“I never had much of a choice.”

It wasn’t much, and it only made him feel as if he sank further into his own grave, but it was more than he’d ever given before. Aoi’s response was as unregulated as ever, his eyes widening and his fist curling on the table.

Before he could say something that Teru truly wanted to hear, Akane lifted her glass of soda.

“To self discovery,” she smiled, nudging her head toward their glasses.

Aoi hurried to lift his own glass, clinking it against Akane’s. Entirely too late to figure out what was happening, Teru realized they were toasting. After a year of formal toasts in exorcist homes and traditional grounds, with glasses of sake and blessings said, it was like a breath of fresh air. His smile didn’t even feel fake as he lifted his cup and clinked it against Aoi and Akane’s.

“To self discovery,” he repeated. “Thanks, Akane-San.”

Aoi’s smile was tight, and suddenly, Teru had a feeling that ‘self discovery’ didn’t only apply to him.

It was a nice thought. It wasn’t one he’d truly formulated, but it was the entire reason he came home. It was still strange how easily Akane could see right through him. It was a testament to the strength of her own performance, and perhaps the friendship they really had made.

Teru realized belatedly that he did feel better after coming to the diner.

Akane looked at her phone absentmindedly before her eyes widened, a hand going to her mouth as she picked up her bag.

“Oh, I lost track of time! I told Nene I would help her prepare her soil.”

She hurriedly pushed at Aoi to let her out of the booth, to which he quickly stood up, the way he always would have. He still worshipped the ground Akane walked on, just as Teru expected. After all, he was home, and nothing had changed.

“Tell her I say hi,” Aoi said, surprisingly calm.

Teru nodded, “Me too.”

“Oh, I will, she’ll be thrilled! I’m so sorry to run out like this. Have fun!”

With that, Akane hurried through the diner like a princess would for her carriage. She’d always been polite, but there was something new in the way she rushed out. Perhaps she and Yashiro had gotten closer?

“I’m surprised you’re not rushing out after her,” he quipped.

There was something nice about alone time with Aoi. It reminded Teru of every afternoon after school, sitting in the student council room. As Teru progressed through his third year, they breached the barrier of both attitude and fake pleasantries, able to actually talk to each other. They’d ramble as they worked, telling random stories and quips from the day or days past. They never stopped teasing each other, and they never would, but they learned how to talk like humans.

Teru did miss it, no matter how much he pretended he didn’t. He’d stare out of the window of trains at the same hour that he used to from the student council room as Aoi droned on about anything and nothing all at once, wishing that he had his voice in the background.

Aoi frowned, “You should know I stopped that a while ago.”

For the first time since coming home, Teru actually paused. He turned his gaze to face Aoi properly, to see his downturned eyes as he swirled around the soda in his glass.

It would be so easy to poke the sleeping bear, but Teru was capable of being nice.

“You’re capable of stopping it entirely?”

Maybe.

The jab was nothing more, but it was an actual inquiry, giving Aoi an opening to keep talking. Despite the time that had passed, Teru remembered their game well. Aoi sighed, his frown deepening. Teru continued looking at him, waiting for more of an explanation.

Aoi dragged a hand down his face, “You saw me stop chasing after her, but I realized earlier this year that I never liked her like I thought I did. I still love her, and I’ll always love her, but… I don't need to marry her. What about you, Prince of the school?”

One thing did change, after all.

Aoi wasn’t in love with Akane anymore. Teru wouldn’t have believed it if he didn’t see the seriousness in Aoi’s eyes-- the fatigue, probably from spending so much time dedicating himself to someone he didn’t truly want in that way.

It was jarring, to have such a foundation suddenly yanked out from beneath his feet, even if it didn’t at all involve Teru. His first ever impression of Aoi had been mid-confession, dramatically kneeled in the gymnasium as Akane shook her head with a smile. Every other sighting of him had been the same, up until he realized that Aoi could see the mokke he fiddled with in his hands at the ripe age of twelve.

That was what gave Aoi a name and a real place in Teru’s world. It began the long story of their rivalry, threatening smiles casted across hallways as Aoi learned exactly who Teru really was.

Throughout it all, he dedicated himself to Akane. Those days were over, it seemed.

Things were not the same after all.

“Oh, I could still have a crush,” he lied, getting nothing more than a roll of the eyes from Aoi.

He really was over her.

“Sure you do.”

Teru had absolutely no business feeling so… relieved.

He chuckled, “You know I don't have a place for anything like that in my life.”

“Yeah, well, to self discovery, or whatever Ao-Chan said. We could all use it.”

There was that note of something hiding behind his eyes again, his mouth tightening at the corners. Teru definitely wasn’t alone in his misery, then. He knew that Aoi had more humanity than he did, could see it in every emotion that flashed across his face, but.. It wasn’t all easy for him. He’d been through a lot, too, and he was already a guy with a whole slew of issues, judging off of his fixation with Akane.

“Would you laugh if I said that’s why I’m home?”

Aoi did laugh; a bitter, cruel chuckle, one which made Teru smile.

“Yeah, actually.”

Teru’s smile only grew, and he was pleased to see Aoi mirror the action.

Teru was suddenly face to face with the biggest difference of all, and it made him feel awfully small in the face of it. He’d been so sure that everything was the same, just like he was sure that he would be an exorcist and never needed anything else. He had his siblings who he’d protect, and that was his life. It was so easy to ignore that he was a person and prioritize everything his father wanted him to, even when his father was never present.

He really needed to stop getting so cocky. Much to his fortune, the man in front of him was one of the few people who would call Teru out on it, particularly in a way that didn’t make him feel like absolute shit.

In the year that Teru was gone, Akane Aoi had grown. He’d changed in ways Teru didn’t think were possible, and it clearly left him haunted in one way or another. They weren’t all that different, not anymore. They never had been.

Faced with Aoi’s growth, Teru was forced to see just how stagnant he was. He thought of Akane’s raised glass and gentle words, aimed not just at Teru, but Aoi, too. They probably held some truth for herself, even.

Despite the growth around him, Teru was no more of a human being than he was nineteen years ago. He made a silent toast to himself, trying to put his hopes into motion. He would be more than an exorcist, or he would never touch his sword again. He couldn’t bear that life.

He couldn’t bear the idea of turning into his father.