Chapter Text
Geminus put the book back on the shelf and sighed. He then picked up the one next to it, sighed again, rubbed the cloth on the cover a little more roughly than necessary, sighed once more, and placed it back in its spot, then, yes, he sighed again.
He hated this. He really, really hated this. He hated every little second of this. Why was he here anyway? He was the last person who should have been in a library. This had no meaning other than wasting his precious time. His time was worth gold coins, gold!
Also, these books were as clean as new! They probably had been dusted just yesterday. Wiping them down every single day would only wear out their covers! Those quartermasters didn’t know a damn thing. They only ordered people around and rested their eyes all day long. Lazy pigs.
Geminus picked up another book and scowled at it, as if it were to blame for his discomfort. When in reality it was he himself who had begged those “pigs” all morning to let him take on the library chore today. Why was he even complaining now? He had wanted to do this. He’d abandoned his new recruits on the field to fend for themselves so he could hide behind these bookshelves.
But he hated it anyway! He wanted to cry.
No, a sentinel would never cry. Especially over only a few thousand books. What would the goddess think of him if he did?
He rolled his shoulders back, trying to pull himself together, and returned to wiping the book, even though his frown got much deeper in self-disappointment. He was fine. He just had a whole seven hours to spend here. He was doing good!
Right then, when he was absolutely starting to like what he was doing, he heard a noise. He hadn’t heard the door open or close, nor had he noticed any footsteps, but a sudden movement caught his eye in his peripheral vision. He was a soldier after all, not a cleaner, this was what he was supposed to be good at.
It took him only half a second. He looked up and scanned the area. At the same time, he slotted the book better in his palm and took a small step back for a good stance. All at once.
Yet, what he didn’t know was… the target was already behind him.
“Oh? Were you going to attack me?”
Geminus snapped around, twisting his whole body to face the threat as fast as he could. His knuckles were white with alarm, his knees already locked in place, and his breath caught in his throat.
The so-called danger sat on one of the tables, leaning back on his hands for support, legs swinging back and forth like a child’s. There was a smile on his face. No, it was a smirk. It was a very entertained smirk, almost a mocking one.“You’re being a good soldier. I’ll be sure to let the higher-ups know,” he said in a sing-song voice, not even remotely fazed by Geminus and his deadly weapon of a book.
Geminus forced himself to relax by easing his posture, but he felt even more on edge inside. “Jirion,” he muttered with a clear distaste. He wasted no time turning back to the shelf in a great attempt to not have the man in his sight.
“That is one warm welcome,” Jirion called behind him, still not bothered.
Geminus knew he could feel bitterness on his tongue if he tried hard enough, but he was just annoyed to find vanilla there. So, he opted to lash out at Jirion instead. “How did you get in here so quietly? Are you a ghost or something?”
Jirion coughed, even though it sounded a lot like a snort. “Or something,” was his answer.
Geminus mimicked Jirion’s words silently, taking advantage of Jirion’s inability to see his face to make fun of him. Then, cleared his throat. “Aren’t you supposed to be at defense training right now?”
Jirion didn’t miss a beat. “I am not good at defense, you know? I let people climb all over me.”
There it was. The innuendo. The most obvious jab anybody could muster up. Of course, he was here to make fun of that.
Jirion wasn’t “not good” at literally anything. He was great at everything he had ever laid his hands on. He was the fastest runner among the sentinels, the strongest when it came to carrying heavy things, the best at one-on-one combat… One could argue he was basically made to hold a sword, but he was also a legend at unarmed exercises. He was so good at everything, ever, that he had an equal number of enemies and die-hard admirers between the same borders of the same temple.
Jirion was supposed to be a newbie, it was only fourteen months ago that he’d been recruited from a small farm town. But because he was able to learn everything on the first try and could knock down even the higher-ups in practice matches -without even putting up an effort- he climbed the ranks pretty quickly. Now, he stood at the same rank as Geminus, who had been here since he was twelve, and it’d been a while since this so-called celebrity was stuck there. Unfortunately.
Not that Geminus hated him.
Well, he definitely didn’t like him, at all, but that was a personal thing. Jirion was lazy, cocky, self-centered, and had no sense of duty whatsoever. He skipped training, ignored his chores, looked down on everyone from the tip of his nose, and generally annoyed the shit out of Geminus on a daily basis. So, naturally, Geminus wanted to strangle him whenever he was near, which, unfortunately, was far too often.
But when Geminus looked at the bigger picture, he had to admit that having a strong and reliable soldier like Jirion was a good thing for the Sentinels. They worked for the goddess of war Benyapa, guarding her temple, recruiting new soldiers, and preparing for any potential threats against the land of the gods. Having Jirion in their ranks gave everyone, even his biggest haters, a sense of confidence. He was such a big force that he himself would be enough to win a war.
Long story short, Jirion wasn’t bad at defense. He was great at defense. He was just taking a jab at Geminus.
And Geminus knew it was coming.
That was why he’d begged to get this chore today. So he could hide here from Jirion. From himself. From his own embarrassment.
“Go away, Jirion,” Geminus threw over his shoulder, as he kept wiping the cover of the same book over and over. “You have no reason to be here.”
Jirion made a humming sound. “Why? Am I distracting you?”
“Yeah, your smell is too nauseating.”
“I thought you liked my scent. Vanilla, you said before, right?”
Geminus closed his eyes tightly. Who was he to compete with Jirion’s wit anyway? Jirion was going to dance around the same topic, round and round, again and again, until Geminus ended up mentioning it with his own mouth and making a fool of himself.
Which… was never going to happen.
“No, I probably said dog shit,” Geminus muttered between his teeth.
Hearing this, Jirion started laughing. And it was a genuine laugh, so rich and full, a rare kind.
Geminus put the book back on the shelf and turned around to take a peek at his comrade and to see why he was enjoying himself so much. Yet, the second his eyes lay on Jirion, he regretted everything.
Geminus was not strong enough for this torture.
He hated the way Jirion was so pretty. He wasn’t just a good-looking guy, he was conventionally beautiful. Anyone with at least one seeing eye would be in awe over his looks. His skin glowed, his hair was soft and shiny, his big almond eyes shimmered with flecks of violet, and his nose had the most perfect slope. Now, as he fell on his elbows from the magnitude of his laughter, his pearl-white teeth flashed between his full, shapely pink lips.
And Geminus didn’t even want to think about the deep line that peeked from the collar of Jirion’s unbuttoned shirt.
Why did this brat have to be so attractive out of everyone?
Geminus mentally collected his jaw from the floor and clenched it in place, so he could keep looking uninterested. “Jirion, don’t waste time here. You should get back to your training,” he managed to sound casual.
Jirion wiped the corners of his eyes, still half-giggling. “Puppy, you are breaking my heart. Are you kicking me out?”
Geminus narrowed his eyes. “I told you not to call me that.”
“You tell me a lot of things,” Jirion drawled, sitting upright again. “You talk a lot, you know?”
Geminus opened his mouth to answer, but Jirion cut him off.
“Or should I say… you nag a lot.”
“I don’t nag.”
“You do.”
Geminus shook his head, exasperated. He was getting really tired of this man. “When are you ranking up anyway?”
Jirion raised an eyebrow, curious and clearly into the banter way too much. “Hm? Why do you ask?”
“You’ll change barracks if you do, right? You can finally get away from my nagging.”
Jirion shrugged and turned to his left, gazing out the window. “I’m going to fail the test.”
Geminus frowned. What was he talking about? That was impossible. “You won’t. You’ll pass it before it even starts.”
“No, I’m going to fail it on purpose,” Jirion announced.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t want to go. This barracks is fun.”
“You can’t fail an exam just because you have fun at a certain barracks.”
Jirion looked back and locked eyes with Geminus. “But I can if I find a certain someone interesting.”
What Jirion said wasn’t even weird. It wasn’t scandalous or layered with secondary meanings like his words usually were. Yet, Geminus felt his heart skip a long beat as the words registered in his brain. He averted his gaze and clenched the dusting cloth between his fingers.
Jirion’s lips curled into a slow, sly smile. “Especially if that someone’s hobby is finding my bed in the middle of the night, you know?”
Now, Geminus should have known better. He should have known so much better than to let his embarrassment get the better of him and run his very dear mouth faster than his brain. Especially when he had seen this coming faster than an enemy’s arrow.
But he didn’t. “I’ve come to your bed only once, and it was last night!”
He shut his mouth as soon as he realized what he had done, but it was too late.
Jirion had cast the line, once, twice, and the third time was the charm, hooking Geminus in and making him acknowledge the events of last night. He already knew what Geminus was: a clown.
Geminus cursed himself silently, and while Jirion’s self-satisfactory chuckle filled the otherwise silent room, he started praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. He couldn’t even blame anyone else. He was the reason for his own misery.
He was the culprit of what had happened last night.
The memories were so fresh, so new, that he didn’t even have to try hard to replay everything that had happened, one by one, right before his eyes.
He could almost feel the thin layer of sweat on his forehead when he opened his eyes to a dark room, barely illuminated by the crescent moon peeking between the thick clouds in the sky. It had to be quite late, maybe even the first hours of the new day, because it was completely silent outside, not a soul disturbing the eerie peace. The wind gently rattled the window frames, the wood in the fireplace crackled softly, the deep, steady breaths of the sleeping soldiers mixed with the occasional subtle snores...
In contrast to everything calm around him, Geminus felt all over the place.
He looked around in a frenzy, trying to get enough air in his lungs and failing to come back to his senses. He’d had a dream. He couldn’t remember what it was, but he knew he’d had a dream. A very intense one. A very… dangerous one. He felt like he was drowning. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn’t reach the surface of the feelings it left him with.
He almost couldn’t tell who he was, what he was, where he was supposed to be. His thoughts were a big mess.
Yet, he also knew. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew who he wanted to find.
He had no choice.
He gulped loudly, then pushed the warm blankets away from his body and stood up from the bed. The wooden tiles were cold and prickly under his feet, cracking loudly with his every step. He made his way around two of his roommates, both fast-asleep, and beelined directly towards the end of the room… Until he was standing right beside the bed he was looking for.
He didn’t hesitate, didn’t waste even a second after that. His sight was already blurry, his sense of reality gone, his body aching everywhere. He searched for it, he reached for it. He lay next to it, curled his body against it.
The smell… It was dizzying. It was so heavy and so hypnotic that Geminus wanted to be seared by it, crushed by it. It was vanilla everywhere. Not the kind he had smelled before. This was different. This was better. No, this was the best thing he had ever smelled in his life.
He nuzzled his face to the warmth and found a place for himself in the crook, where the smell was the most intense, where he could feel a pulse against his lips.
So he pressed his mouth right there.
And he felt like his heart had stopped. He felt like he had found heaven on earth.
He kissed the skin, and did it once more, taking long sniffs in between. So soft, so silky, so welcoming... He opened his lips a little wider and dared to taste it, too. It was as delicious as he would expect. He felt his whole existence going even number, as his hands crept up and held onto the fabric that was separating him from a good, firm chest.
He kissed the neck again, moved up a little, kissed, and continued his way upward, leaving another kiss along the way.
Just then, an arm draped over his shoulders, hugging him closer with a sigh. “Did you have the dream again?”
Geminus wasn’t startled by the fact this person was awake. He didn’t question how they knew about his recurring dreams either. He was just buzzing with happiness that he was now closer to them in this new position, face to face, touching from head to toe. He planted more kisses on their neck, taking advantage of the intentional tilt of their head.
“Geminus?”
He ignored the call. He was busy.
“Puppy?”
Now, that was not it.
He stayed silent for another second. But then let out a small, irritated grunt, annoyed by the pet name but also by the way it tickled something deep inside him.
“Don’t want to talk?” they nudged, their voice groggy from sleep but still a hushed so as not to alert the others.
Geminus shook his head.
“Just want to kiss me?”
Geminus nodded.
“Alright.”
Their arm tightened around Geminus, in a way to show him he was free to do whatever he wanted. At least, that was what Geminus hoped it was. So, he took the initiative and propped himself up, before pushing them onto the mattress and half crawling on top of them. When he was happy with the new position, he pressed his lips back to their face, tracing a path along their jaw and peppering kisses up to their chin.
He was able to enjoy his play for a few long minutes, going up to their cheeks, kissing right under their nose, pecking the sides of their mouth…
But it was until he was stopped abruptly. A hand caught his face, lifted it slightly, and squeezed his cheeks just enough to make his lips pout.
“But what you want isn’t there,” they murmured, holding his gaze from the short distance.
Geminus blinked, confused.
“It’s here.”
And then, their lips were on his.
Geminus had never kissed anyone before. His friends had taken him to brothels a few times when he was younger, but all he had done was follow instructions and do what was expected of him. It was over in seconds anyway. None of them had ever offered him a kiss, he didn’t even know if he was supposed to get one, so he had never had the chance.
He had never thought of his comrades that way, and meeting anyone outside the barracks was impossible. So he was pretty much clueless about these things.
But that was… until Jirion.
Jirion. The source of all of Geminus’s pain.
The bane of his existence. The one who had made Geminus climb to so many highs, crawl through so many lows, and endure countless unexplainable feelings ever since his first step inside this temple fourteen months ago. The one who, with just a single grin, made Geminus regret waking up every morning, yet still look forward to the next. The one who everyone wanted, but also the one Gemius’s eyes met every time he looked up.
Jirion, the one who was lying under him and kissing him nice and slow at the moment.
His lips were perfect. Of course, they were, just like everything about him. They were soft, warm, and wet. They captured Geminus’s bottom lip in between, sucked on it gently, and let it go with a sound that was too erotic to be heard by anyone else.
When they pulled away, Geminus’s eyes were already tightly shut, impatiently waiting for more.
Jirion let out a little chuckle, obviously caught on Geminus’s lack of experience very quickly. But he didn’t give him a chance to get flustered. Instead, he glided his hand to the back of Geminus’s head, delving his fingers into his hair and pulling him back down to himself.
Their lips met once more, and colors exploded behind Geminus’s eyes.
The kiss was still slow, and it was so sensual and so deep that it felt more like a dream than the dreams Geminus had been having. He felt Jirion dominating all of his senses. His lips— his skillful, sinful lips, were doing everything Geminus hadn’t even known he wanted to be done to him. It felt like a spell, it felt like a curse. It felt like being hypnotized.
Jirion was alternating between Geminus’s lips, up and down again, but spending most of his time on the bottom one. He was licking the insides of them, putting small kisses all over them, and then going back to drawing them in again.
Geminus followed him without thought, his head spinning nonstop, fingers trembling with the excitement bubbling in his chest, completely lost in the moment. But then, just when he least expected it, Jirion’s sly tongue brushed against the roof of his mouth. It was subtle, barely there, but that little delicate touch sent a zap of electricity through Geminus’s body, and he couldn’t stop the whimper from escaping from his throat.
A second later, when he came to his senses again, he was being kissed even more thoroughly.
Jirion’s tongue was invading every corner of Geminus’s mouth, his chest riding and falling rapidly, and his other hand sneaked around Geminus’s waist to hold him down.
He was consuming Geminus as a whole, and if Geminus were to disappear like this, he knew he wouldn’t have any regrets.
Geminus tried to find his balance so he could go back to chasing after Jirion’s pace, but Jirion was way too good at this. He was making Geminus weak in his core. He was leaving him breathless. All Geminus could do was close his eyes, relish the immense amount of attention he was getting, and moan.
Wait a minute.
Moan?
As his own shameless voice filled his ears, Geminus ripped his lips away from Jirion’s in panic.
His eyes went wide. He looked to the side, checking if any of their roommates had heard him, or worse, woke up and saw them.
“It’s okay. They won’t wake up,” Jirion assured him in a whisper.
Geminus turned his eyes back to Jirion. “How do you kn-” he started, but then, he got distracted by the sight under him.
Jirion’s hair was tousled, eyes half-lidded, dark orbs full of purple sparkles, lips red and swollen from their kisses…
Geminus was in so much trouble.
He wanted more. He wanted to continue receiving this treatment for at least two more hours.
“Yeah, I know,” Jirion answered when nothing had even been said to him. “But I can’t give you more.”
Geminus frowned. He didn’t like hearing that. Not even a little bit. “Why not?”
“It’s getting late.”
The next second, Geminus found himself on his back, and then back in Jirion’s embrace once more.
“And you can’t handle more of it right now,” Jirion added as he pulled the blankets over both of them.
Geminus started wiggling and pushing Jirion away. “I can handle more. Don’t decide on my behalf!”
Jirion shook his head, tightening his stubborn hold. “Good night, Geminus.”
“Why are you hugging me?”
“Because I want to.”
“I don’t want you to hug me.”
Jirion sighed. “I’ll help you fall asleep quicker.”
Geminus wanted to protest more, he had many more arguments to make. Of course he did, he always had. But as soon as he opened his mouth, the words turned into a huge yawn between his lips. He blinked his heavy lids and tried hard to stay awake. Why was he feeling sleepy so suddenly?
“Don’t fight it.” From the timbre of Jirion’s voice, it was apparent he was holding back a laugh. Again.
Geminus felt the rest of his strength sizzle out of his body, his eyes now impossible to open. He yawned once more and ended up nestling his face back into Jirion’s neck. “Vanilla,” he murmured with a sigh.
“Hm?”
“You smell like vanilla.” He paused. “And taste like vanilla, too.”
And then, he was gone.
“Geminus?”
“Huh?”
“Geminus!”
Geminus snapped back to the present, where he was holding a book and talking to a very annoying Jirion in a spotless, pristine library.
Jirion was looking at him, and from the way it seemed, he’d been doing it for longer than he needed to. When he found what he was looking for in Geminus’s face, he pushed himself off the table and started walking toward him. “Where were you? Reliving last night?”
“Oh, shut up,” Geminus gritted out. “Don’t come any closer.”
This insufferable brat… Did he have to know everything?
Jirion ignored Geminus and kept walking with lazy steps. “Yeah, I can see how it could be worth remembering. I bet you’ll be thinking about it for the rest of your life.”
“Don’t make me kick your ass, Jirion.”
Jirion smiled, very innocently. “You’d love to touch my ass, but maybe save it for tonight?”
The distance between them got smaller and smaller, and Geminus’s breath caught in his throat at the thought of it disappearing in only two more steps. He wasn’t ready for it. He didn’t trust Jirion, but he didn’t trust himself even more.
Muttering a few more choice curses under his breath, Geminus slammed the book back onto the shelf with a loud thud and turned on his heel, walking away.
He couldn’t see Jirion’s expression, but he heard the surprise in his voice from behind. “Hey, where are you going?”
“Away from you,” Geminus yelled back.
“Come on now, Geminus. You never run away.”
Yes, but he was going to do it this time.
He quickened his pace, passing countless bookshelves until the door finally came into view. A small smile of victory tugged at the corners of his lips. He was so close. He was going to be free in a few seconds.
As soon as he reached the door, he threw his hand on the golden knob. And just when he was about to turn it, he himself was turned around and pressed onto the hard frame.
With Jirion all over his personal space.
Jirion, with a not-so-subtle glint in his eyes, placed his hands on the door on either side of Geminus, caging him in. “Don’t go. I promise I won’t make fun of you again.”
“Liar,” Geminus muttered.
“Oh, look at that pout,” Jirion cooed. “And you say you're not a puppy.”
“You just said you weren’t going to make fun of me again.”
“I’m not making fun of you. I’m adoring you.”
Geminus stared blankly at Jirion as a clock ticked in his mind—one, two, three. Then, an instant rush of warmth colored his cheeks, spreading down to his neck.
Hell no.
Geminus would die before letting Jirion see the overreaction his body was having, but he didn’t know what to do. So, naturally, he decided to deflect the attention by picking up a fight. “You are still lying. Are you capable of adoring anything else other than yourself?” he spat.
Jirion grinned big, as if he had been waiting for this attack. “I’d like to think I am.”
Geminus crossed his arms on his chest and turned his face away with a huffy expression.
“Are you sulking?”
“Get away from me, Jirion.”
“Why are you sulking?”
“I am not.”
“Come on, tell me.”
Geminus spared him a short glance before looking away again. “Why did you turn me down last night if you adore me so much?”
“Huh?”
For a brief, passing second, Jirion’s smile faltered. It was back up before it was even noticeable, but because he was so close, Geminus was able to catch it. Jirion pushed away from the door and took a few steps back until he was leaning against the closest shelf himself. “Like I said, you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
Geminus felt his ego getting crushed even more than when he had woken up in his own bed this morning. “I wasn’t tired.”
Jirion mirrored Geminus’s stance even further by crossing his arms. “It had nothing to do with your energy levels.”
Geminus’s eyes widened as he whipped his head around. “Are you accusing me of… that?”
Jirion smiled widely. “What? Being horny? I wouldn’t dare.”
“Then what is it?” Geminus couldn’t help but raise his voice. He wanted to stomp his feet on the ground too, but he was a sentinel after all, he had to protect his dignity.
Jirion was back to staring at Geminus for a few seconds, but then he sighed as if he had accepted defeat. “Puppy, have you ever been to the Mountain of Gods?”
“Stop calling me puppy before I make you regret it,” Geminus snapped almost instantly. “And no. What does it have to do with our conversation?”
Jirion pursed his lips. “If you ever went there, you’d find it empty.”
“Okay, again, why are you telling me this?”
“You see, gods don’t like staying in one place for a long time, including their own home.”
Geminus decided not to say anything else. Jirion could be the most irritating thing ever, but there had to be a reason why he was so random today.
Jirion wasn’t even aware of Geminus’s lack of reaction, or maybe he didn’t care if he was being interrupted or not, and he was going to tell his story anyway. Either way, he pushed off the bookshelf again and started pacing around the wide entrance with many more words to add to his story.
“More often than not, those gods, including your goddess, prefer to live among humans. They are fun, you know? Always worked up about meaningless stuff.”
Geminus felt a cease taking shape between his brows. His goddess? Wasn’t she supposed to be their goddess?
Jirion continued. “You guys too! Do you really think the goddess cares about the upcoming war between two kingdoms? You are training your butt off day and night while she is somewhere in the east sipping on her blueberry wine.”
“What… are you talking about?” Geminus stammered, unsettled by how different Jirion sounded.
“She likes blueberry wine a lot,” Jirion spoke mostly to himself.
“Jirion,” Geminus called.
And Jirion turned to him with another blinding smile on his lips. “Gods like to be around here, and they might look like mortals to the naked eye, but when you’re near them, you start experiencing weird things.”
“Weird things?”
“Yes. That’s simply that.” Jirion gave him an approving nod. “For example, if you meet… let’s say, Tetras. You know, the god of love? You’d start desiring them. You’d start yearning for them. Basic math.”
What was he even saying? Why would Geminus meet Tetras when he had been a sentinel for Benyapa for the past ten years?
“And if he shows interest in you too, then your body would naturally be drawn to him. With a physical force.” Jirion turned his whole body toward Geminus and tilted his head slightly, as if to make his point sink in. “But don’t think you can handle him just because you could get close. Gods have a presence far greater than anything you can imagine.”
Geminus felt the air being sucked out of the room. A wave of nausea crept up his throat, leaving him lightheaded. He didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to connect the dots. He didn’t want to hear anything else.
He didn’t want to know.
But then, Jirion started walking toward him. “Hypothetically, of course, but if you ever find yourself in a situation like this, don’t worry. It’ll be okay. There’s no need to fear.”
When he reached Geminus, he grasped him by the arms and leaned in to place a soft kiss on his lips before he could react. Then, he pulled back slightly, and his eyes were laced with an unreadable, foreign emotion.
“Because what you feel wouldn’t be real. It’d only be an illusion of love,” Jirion whispered. “Just like how you can never defeat the goddess of war, you can never truly love him either.”
Geminus barely had time to process what had just happened before he felt himself being pulled away from the door and the brush of the wind of it being opened and closed against his face.
Then, with an “I’ll see you tonight,” Jirion was gone.
And Geminus was left there.
He was left there confused, uneasy, and against everything Jirion had said, worried.
He was worried about the words he had just heard. He was about who Jirion truly was. He was worried about what he had gotten himself into.
But most importantly, he was worried about his heart.
Because somehow, his feelings didn’t feel like an illusion at all.