Work Text:
(At the Dreemurr house, Dantz is in his room and gets a text message from Catti)
Dantz: Hm, what’s this?
(Dantz opens the text message)
Dantz: (Reading, Catti’s monotone voice) Hello Dantz, I am going to invite you to my father’s grill party. Please don’t wear a tinfoil hat if my father has texted you. (Thinking, Dantz’s voice) Oh boy! Catti’s inviting me to her house! Even though I crashed into her fence, I think it will be fun!
(Dantz starts texting back)
Dantz: (Texting) I want to go Catti! Do you want some Linkin Park CDs?
(Dantz sends, Catti sends a text message back)
Dantz: (Reading, Catti’s voice) No, it’s overrated. (Speaking) Oh come on! (Thinking) But at least I know that I can still go to the party.
(Dantz walks out of his room and goes to the laundry room)
Dantz: Hey mom, can I go to Catti’s grill party?
Toriel: Dantz, I remember the last time you have been near a grill.
(Flashback)
Dantz: (Thinking) So, I marinate the steaks with which bottle?
(Dantz chooses the yellow bottle, which is liquid smoke)
Dantz: (Thinking) I marinate it with that, okay.
(Dantz pours the liquid smoke on, then the grill starts shaking)
Dantz: Oh crap.
(Dantz runs into the house)
Toriel: Hey sweetie, how is the grill going?
Dantz: It’s alright I guess…
(Dantz is smiling nervously, his sweat is pooling down his face. Toriel crosses her arms)
Toriel: Dantz.
[BOOM]
(Toriel covers her ears and she looks like she is bracing for impact)
Toriel: Aaah!
(Toriel now is standing up normally and she is looking for Dantz, he is not in the living room, the camera pans to her face)
Toriel: Dantz Dreemurr! Where are you!?
(Back to the present)
Dantz: It was an accident I swear!
Toriel: Sweetheart, I told you it was flammable, it was right on the bottle. Now, I know you want to help Dantz, but, do you mind if I go if you ever want to help with the grill?
Dantz: Only if you stay away from my friends, which means stay outside the house.
Toriel: Then I don’t see the point in arguing with you about this, but thanks for talking to me about it.
(Dantz high fives Toriel)
Dantz: Thanks mom.
(Cut to the Mauvier family house)
Catty: Phew. Daddy, buying these patties took til the cows came home. I done got four impossible patties and a hundred good ol’ regular patties. They could last us a good spell!
Cat dad: Those impossible patties man, I ain’t puttin them on my grill. The could be chipped with government trackers, and give me vegan ads on my fridge.
Catty: (Laughs) That’s a whole lot of hooey dad! They’re for sweet Noelle. Dantz requested it so she had something to eat.
Cat dad: Especially Dantz man, he’s a government experiment. He’s just a battery that the government could use to gather intel on Hometown. I’ve seen drones man.
Catti: (Monotone) No, that’s just Dantz. He has a toy drone. He flies it into our house a lot as a prank.
(Flashback, Dantz has his controller and he is in front of the Mauvier family house, the drone is flying)
Dantz: (Thinking) This will be so epic.
(Dantz flies the drone into their living room window and breaks it, then Dantz runs the other way, cut to inside the house)
Cad dad: It’s the government! Run to your rooms!
(Cat dad is running upstairs with Catty and Catti unfazed, flashback to the present)
Cat dad: Exactly, he has drones that shoot out of his body. He’s an android. That’s why he’s jumping off the walls at mornin’ and barely functioning at night.
(Both Catty and Catti facepalm)
Catti: (Monotone) Please start the grill.
(Catti walks to her room and closes the door, loud Metallica music starts playing)
Catty: (Angrily) Look pa, you made Catti madder than a wet hen with your conspiracy theories. I’m with Catti on this, get fixin’ to start the grill!
(Catty storms off to her room and slams the door, sad bluegrass country music starts playing)
(Cut to Dantz in his room and he gets a text from his mom, he opens the his phone’s messaging app)
Dantz: (Reading, Toriel’s voice) It’s almost time to go sweetheart. Do you have all of your stuff ready? (Texting back, Dantz’s voice) Yes mom, I have everything.
(Cut to a back view of Dantz at the front door with Asriel and Toriel with Toriel holding a folded foldable chair, Dantz opens the front door and walk to the front yard of the Mauvier house)
Dantz: Here we are.
(Dantz looks around)
Dantz: (Thinking) I know that all my friends have texted me they are going to be here.
(Dantz finds Noelle, Dantz runs)
Toriel: Sweetheart stay here please-
Dantz: Noelle!
(Noelle turns around)
Noelle: Hi Dantz-
(Dantz hugs Noelle which ends up accidentally tackling her, the guests there gasp)
Noelle: Ow… Dantz, please get off of my body.
(Dantz lets go, Dooley walks up)
Dooley: (monotone) You tackled Noelle.
(Cut to a bird’s-eye view of the entire front yard Cat Dad working on the grill, Dantz is up at the grill, about to get a burger, Toriel is sitting in her foldable chair, Asriel is drawing on his sketchpad near the driveway, Susie is in the natural area punching a tree, Berdly is on the steps playing on his phone, Dooley and Peters are at a picnic table looking at memes, Catti is with Asriel listening to Metallica, Catty and Noelle are talking to each other, Cat mom is handing out drinks, and Mayor Christina Holiday is chatting with Toriel, cut to a side view of the grill, Dantz has walked up to the grill)
Dantz: Hey, I’d like a burger.
(Cat dad steps back, pointing his spatula at Dantz)
Cat dad: Aaah! Stay away from me government android.
Dantz: Hey, what do you mean?
(Dantz drinks from his water bottle, the liquid is apple juice but Cat dad thinks it’s battery acid)
Cat dad: I got it! That’s evidence that Dantz is an android.
(Cat dad puts his hand in his pocket)
Cat dad: Pocket sand!
(Cat dad throws sand at Dantz’s face. The camera goes to Dantz and he dodges it and he pulls out his energy bow and arrow and he puts the back end of an energy arrow on the bow string and pulls it)
Dantz: Don’t you dare attack me!
(Cut to Toriel and she stands up out of her chair and goes to the grill and a side shot shows Toriel, Dantz, and Cat dad standing with Toriel standing to the left of Dantz, she is staring directly at Cat dad)
Toriel: Dantz, put your bow down.
(Dantz’s bow and arrow fades out into the light)
Toriel: And you, what do you think you are doing to my child!?
(Catty walks up into the scene, the camera faces towards her she is in a nervous posture holding a nervous expression on her face)
Catty: Sorry sugar, my daddy can be a bit loony sometimes.
(Catty pushes Cat dad away, the camera turns to Dantz and Toriel. Toriel puts a hand on Dantz’s shoulder)
Toriel: Dantz, are you okay?
Dantz: Yes, I am.
(Toriel walks away, going back to her chair, pan to Toriel)
Toriel: (Thinking) His conspiracy theories are going to give me a migrane.
(Toriel places both of her hands on her forehead in a circular motion)
(Cut to later, Dantz is sitting with Noelle)
Dantz: Hey Noelle! How are you doing?
Noelle: I was fine until you tackled me.
Dantz: Come on Noelle be nice.
(Both laugh)
Dantz: But seriously Noelle, why are you at this grill? Did your mom catch wind of my new ambitions? I’ll tell you a secret, I haven’t told anyone yet except your mom.
Noelle: Dantz, I think I know what you’re going for but sure, tell me.
Dantz: I got into our high school’s early college program!
Noelle: Me too! My mom just told me!
(The two stare at each other)
Noelle & Dantz: We did it!
(The two hug each other)
Noelle: Although, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news but Berdly is going to be there also.
Dantz: Welp, five years with him then me and him are going to split ways. I doubt Berdly would last a second in there.
Noelle: Why?
Dantz: That school will be very strict and you haven’t seen me serious yet, but when I’m serious, you will probably be staring at your own mom, but it’s your boyfriend. Think about that.
Noelle: (Shuddering, thinking) This guy, he can switch up faster than a lightswitch.
Dantz: But you’re going to see me be the goofball that I am when I’m anywhere else. Except school and Tae-Kwon-Do obviously. Although, don’t tell my mom, she’ll pull me out of there and put me in a Rabbinical boarding school. Can’t she just know that my impulsive streak is only known at places where it’s laid back?
Noelle: I get it, and my mom will get it too-
(Cat mom pops in)
Cat mom: Howdy! Do you want to get in the photo?
(Cat mom is grinning widely)
Cat mom: I think that’s a yes!
(Cat mom pulls Dantz and Noelle off of the chairs)
Dantz & Noelle: Woah!
(Cut to the front yard, everyone is in scene)
Cat mom: Now, everyone! Say cheese in 3… 2… 1…
Everyone but Cat mom: Cheese!
(She takes the photo, pan to Dantz who can barely manage a grin)
Dantz: (Thinking) Her energy is too much! I need to breathe!
Toriel: (Noticing Dantz, thinking) Well well well, Dantz has realized what everyone else feels when he’s around them.
Dantz: Now, we can finally eat-
Cat mom: Wait one moment dears, I have to take another photo! This time, it can be silly.
(They regroup and Dantz hits a dab, trying to exert dominance)
Dantz: Alright! Hit the dab!
(Cat mom takes another photo and Susie is shown giving Dantz bunny ears)
Dantz: Susie did you just-!
Susie: Heck yeah I did! You were trying to look cool while I turned you into a bunny right then and there!
(Dooley walks up with Peters)
Dooley: (monotone) Susie gave you bunny ears.
Dantz: Dooley shut up!
(All the teens laugh)
Dantz: Alright teens, let’s go inside. Hey Catty, do you have any ideas for games?
Catty: I do sugar, all them games and burgers burgers are all set so we’re going to be fixin’ to having our own fun over yonder!
(Catty points towards the house, all the teens cheer as the go inside)
(Intermission)
(The teens are inside the house, Dantz and Noelle are on the couch, Susie is on the bean bag, Catti and Asriel are working on some art, Catty is trying to keep the door closed, Berdly is on his phone, Dooley and Peters are walking up to Dantz)
Dantz: (Looking up towards Dooley) Hey Dooley! What’s up?
(Dooley pulls Dantz by his collar)
Dooley: (monotone) Catti’s my goth crush. Stay out of it.
Peters: Yeah same for Catty (sniffs) she’s the captain of the cheer team and I’m the captain of the football team. If you lay a hand on them imma show you what a real football tackle looks like.
Dantz: Before I say anything can you guys please let me go? I’m struggling to breathe here and I don’t want to have to use my inhaler.
(Dooley lets go of Dantz)
Dantz: Guys, just because you have crushes on some cats does not mean that you can physically attack me. You know, I am literally dating Noelle here.
(Dantz points to Noelle)
Dantz: So, I don’t think I won’t have any business with the cats, and from reading their minds, I don’t think they like you. Peters, didn’t Catty say she will like you once your “head cold” is gone?
(Catty nods in the distance)
Peters: If you say one more word about this, you’ll deal with us.
Dantz: (Ignoring Peters) And Dooley, in my defense, I don’t think you should have a crush on someone for memes. They’re people, not some humor device.
Dooley: (monotone, pointing at Dantz) You’ll eat those words.
(Dooley and Peters walk away)
Susie: (Thinking) Oh man, Dantz is going to get his butt kicked!
(Cut to Catty’s room, the closet door is open)
Catty: Alright y’all! We’re playing a game I love, Seven Minutes in Heaven!
Dantz: Well, why is the closet door open?
Catty: ‘Cause I need to be fixin’ to keep a sense of decency sugar. I got three rules, the closet door is always open so no sneaky business, if you don’t feel comfortable with the person you’re paired with, you can pass, no shame, no fuss. The limit for physical contact is a kiss on the cheek.
Dantz: What happens if someone breaks the rules?
Catty: Then the game ends for everybody and I’ll be fixin to close the party down. We don’t want anyone feelin’ weird. It’s supposed to be fun sugar, not awkward.
(Catty pulls out a pink spinner representing the girls and a blue spinner representing the guys)
Catty: Let the games begin!
(Catty spins the guys wheel and the girls wheel, it lands on Catty and Dooley)
Catty: Oh, it looks like I’m in the mix!
(Dooley and Catty both go to the closet)
Catty: So, Dooley, how ya doin’?
Dooley: (monotone) I’m fine. I wish I was with Catti.
(Catti in the background gags)
Catty: Well bless yer heart Dooley, I gotta surprise for ya!
Dooley: (monotone) What supri-
(Catty playfully kisses Dooley on the cheek, Dooley blushes like a tomato)
Dooley: (normal) Catty-!
(Everyone is shocked that Dooley’s voice has turned normal for one second)
Peters: Hey Dooley, are you alright? You know I wish I was you.
(Dooley is still blushing, he stands up)
Dooley: (monotone) I wanna go home.
(Catty turns off the timer)
Dantz: Wait, that counted as a pass?
Catty: Yeah, now, a special request, the next pair is Dantz and Noelle.
(Dantz and Noelle step into the closet)
Dantz: Noelle, are you ready for what we planned?
Noelle: (blushes, looking down, smiling) Sure.
(Dantz and Noelle both wrap their arms around each other and hug, everyone stares at Dantz and Noelle and starts laughing like they’re crazy)
Susie: Dantz I thought you was gonna pull off a wild stunt but you came up with THAT!? Pathetic. Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
(Everyone starts chanting kiss but Dantz and Noelle still keep hugging being lost in their own world, the timer rings)
Catty: Time’s up!
(Everyone stops chanting the word “kiss”, then Toriel opens the door steps in the room, having a thousand yard stare before she looks angry)
Toriel: What in the shem shamayim is going on here?
Asriel: (Yelling, to Toriel while pointing to Dantz) Mom, Dantz just hugged Noelle for seven whole minutes.
(Toriel has a flash of instant realization)
Toriel: (Yelling) Stop the game right now! That is it! (Staring at Catty) Catty, shut this game down right now or otherwise I will get everyone’s parent in here to get you out of their house now move move move!
(Cut to the living room, the teens look upset)
Toriel: (Firmly) Here, I have a game that is more wholesome.
Dantz: What’s more wholesome than me and Noelle hugging for seven minutes?
Toriel: (Ignoring) Monopoly. That’s the game you guys are playing.
(Dantz opens the box and gives everyone a piece)
(Cut to 10 minutes later, the whole board is a mess, Susie is crumpling up money and chance cards are everywhere. Berdly is staring down the board like lion staring down a buffalo)
Dantz: Susie, 10 minutes into the game you’ve wrecked the board already. Can we stick to the rules that me and my mom set?
Susie: Fiiiiiiiiiiine, Dantz. It was getting boring.
(Dantz’s head turns and sees Peters and Dooley are playfully shoving each other)
Dantz: Can you guys concentrate!?
Peters: Fine. How about we play some football?
Dantz: No.
(Peters groans, Berdly rolls the die, he got a two)
Berdly: A two!? That’s it!
(Berdly flips the board)
Berdly: Gaming makes more sense!
(The scene pauses, Dantz grins, about to break the silence)
Dantz: Hey Berdly, who’s your cousin? Emily Savant?
Berdly: Dantz get back here!
(Dantz starts running and Berdly chases him, Toriel sees this)
Toriel: (Thinking) Oh, what is Dantz up to this time.
(Toriel glances in the doorway then looks at the flipped table then looks at the hallway again, then looks at the flipped table, she walks up)
Toriel: (flatly) No more board games. You guys can talk or you can be on your phones. Nothing else.
(Dantz, Susie, Peters, and Dooley have snuck out while Toriel was speaking, Asriel, Noelle, Catty, and Catti stare at Berdly intensely, Berdly shrugs with a smile, Toriel sees Dantz, Susie, Peters, and Dooley are missing)
Toriel: (Thinking, rubbing temples) I should have let them play with cards instead.
(Dantz and the other people in his friends from Alphys’ class AKA the Buseys are outside, Dantz is pushing the grill to the road)
Dantz: Alright, let’s start something. My mom will be so mad at this?
Susie: Why are you trying to make your mom mad?
Dantz: It’s just fun. Now, here’s what we are doing. Making Cat dad proud by destroying his grill.
Susie: Heck yeah!
Dooley: (monotone) Property damage is fun.
Dantz: It would do him a favor, he thinks the grill is tracking him so, let’s see what happens when he doesn’t get tracked anymore. So, Susie, I want you to find some matches, Dooley and Peters, look for flammable materials, I will heat up the grill.
(Susie, Dooley, and Peters nod to Dantz and they look for the items, cut to later, they have all the items, Susie has matches, Dooley and Peters found lighter fluid, liquid smoke, and cat dewormer)
Dantz: Alright, nice, now, let me put them in. The grill is all set.
Peters: But what about the cat dewormer, it doesn’t seem fit.
Dantz: If it’s flammable it works.
(Dantz flicks Peters on the forehead)
Dooley: (monotone) That was deserved.
(Dantz puts all the bottles in and he gets Susie)
Dantz: Now Susie, do the honors please.
(Susie puts the match into the grill then shuts it, Dantz and the others run back from the grill, into the Mauvier family’s front yard)
Dantz: Fire in the hole!
(Cut to the Mauvier family house, they hear a loud boom and Asriel, Noelle, Berdly, Catty, and Catti rush up to the window along with Toriel, Cat dad, Cat mom, and Mayor Holiday then the nine go outside and find Dantz, Susie, Peters, and Dooley all covered in soot)
Dantz: Well, that was (coughs) amazing!
(Everyone looks mortified)
Asriel: Dantz, just blown up the grill!?
(Asriel faints, Toriel has an angry expression on her face)
Toriel: Dantz Moshe Jellal Dreemurr! You are in so much trouble!
(Dantz runs with Toriel looking like a barbarian, chasing after Dantz)
Dantz: Mom! It was supposed to help Cat dad!
Toriel: (Angrily) Save it after I ground you! We are going to buy a new grill for them!
(Cut to the front porch, Noelle’s mom is pinching the bridge of her nose)
Noelle: Get him Ms. Dreemurr!
Cat dad: I knew that grill was trouble.
(Cut to Toriel and Dantz, Toriel is dragging Dantz by his collar)
Dantz: (Thinking) Well that is the last extreme stunt I do in a while.
(The episode ends)