Archive of Our Own ^beta

This wasn't part of the plan.

The rest of Nat's crew are waiting near the space-port already, though really they aren't hard to miss in their all black attire, the emblem of Yellowjackets on the back of their jackets standing out against the darkness of their clothing. It's not busy, late enough that there aren't any passenger flights, just cargo and voyagers like themselves, so it doesn't take Nat too long to get there. It doesn't take long for her to spot where Jackie is standing either, listening to something Laura Lee is saying, flipping her laser absent-mindedly between her hands. Nat makes a mental note to bring it up next time Jackie tries to talk to her about safe weapon handling.

She's close now, and out of instinct, she reaches down for her own laser too, which remains attached to her side at all this time. She frowns when she doesn't immediately feel the smooth metal of the barrel, stopping in her tracks, because she doesn't remember a time when it hadn't been fastened snugly to her side. It's hidden underneath her jacket just to be precautious. She has a license, she has to in order to have her job, but the emblem on her back says enough for people to not step on her toes. Or at least, it usually does.

She frowns, opening her jacket to see an empty holder, swearing under her breath. She has no idea how she didn't notice that it was missing before. It's not like there's many places it could hide, but she still pats herself down, as if the laser would turn up somehow. She groans, already anticipating the lecture she's about to receive when Jackie finds out, and she can imagine the smug smile on her face, because her friend loves chewing her out whenever she slips up. She says it keeps Nat humble, which she guesses is true, she just wishes Jackie would humble her out of the earshot of the rest of the crew.

When she looks up, the girl in question is looking at her, as if she knew Nat was cursing her out. She nods when she sees Nat coming, and then her eyes shift, eyes narrowing in question. Nat's heart sinks. Surely, there's no way Jackie could know that she lost her gun just by looking at her. She doesn't have time to dissect the look, or notice the fact that Jackie is looking past her, behind her shoulder, because Jackie is starting to head in her direction, a grim expression on her face.

Nat tilts her head, watches as the rest of her crew turn to look at why Jackie left so suddenly, identical looks of confusion materializing on their faces. Jackie is yelling something that Nat can't understand, squinting to try and make out the shape of her lips from so far.

Before she can figure it out, there's a sound directly behind her, drawing her attention away.

Nat instinctively tries to move away from the light breath she can feel on the back of her neck, belatedly realizing that she shouldn't have her back turned to someone that close to her. Before she can swing her body around, a tanned arm reaches out from behind her, presumably to wrap around her shoulders in an attempt to make her immobile, and she tries to grab it and throw it off, hearing yells as Jackie and the rest of her crew get closer and closer.

Oh. Behind you .

Her hand fumbles around the wrist that she's trying to twist away from her chest, and she's about to elbow the person harshly in the gut when she hears it, objectively quiet, but deafening right next to her ear. A dull click, then a familiar buzzing sound that she's used to resonating from the palm of her hand. So, that's where her gun went. The muzzle is warm against her temple when it presses against her skin, due to the energy of the laser charging inside the barrel, and Nat reluctantly stops the struggling, hand loosening and letting go of the that she was trying to peel off of her.

She holds her breath when the person leans closer to her, talking low into her ear, amusement heavy in her voice.

“Looking for this?” They say, and Nat freezes at the familiar voice, taking a moment to process what she had said. The realization has Nat gritting her teeth, the laugh in her ear almost covering up the sound of footsteps running towards them, before they stop about five meters away from her. Away from them. “Nice to see you again.”

Ah, fuck .

~

Jackie wakes up in the middle of the night, to the sound of her alarm going off. Which really, isn't particularly unusual by anyone's standards. Or at least, it wouldn't be unusual, if it was her alarm clock going off, next to her bed. It's still dark when she squints her eyes open, the clock reading 3am and she groans, shoving her head underneath her pillow, and trying to block out the ringing.

It takes her a few moments of slapping her bedside table aimlessly, before she realizes that the sound isn't coming from there at all. She sighs, reluctantly clambering out of bed. She already knows what it is, and isn't really surprised to hear it, but that doesn't mean she's pleased to be woken up at a time like this to deal with. She finds her keys through blurry eyes, and heads downstairs to stop the piercing noise echoing around the neighborhood, sighing in relief when the blaring noise stops.

The night is silent once more, the street empty apart from a figure sitting on the side of the road with her back facing Jackie's house, legs kicked in front of her. Jackie contemplates just going back inside, it would serve the brat right, but instead she finds herself shaking her head, throwing herself down next to the girl who had someone chipped her way into Jackie's life without her noticing. Unconventional. That's how Jackie would describe that process.

Nat first tries to steal Jackie's space buggy when she's sixteen years old.

(“She's not doing well.”)

It's the middle of the night and Jackie storms out of her house, huffing and puffing, stopping short when she sees someone lingering near her car still, clearly not scared off by the alarm that had started going off when they'd tried to steal the vehicle. She falters when she spots a familiar face.

She doesn't exactly know her neighbors well, sticking to polite small talk and smiles of acknowledgement when they happen to enter or leave their homes at similar times. Like neighbors do. But then, it's small talk that disappeared when they stopped coming home as often, smiles that became forced when there wasn't really a reason.

(“We knew-,” She cuts herself off, swallows before continuing. “We knew it wasn't going to be good news. But a part of me was still holding on, you know? Even if the odds are one in a million. I figured, if anyone is going to be that one, it's her.”)

And Jackie gets it, because she knows . She's heard it from the girl who works at the convenience store, from the old man that walks his dog past her house every morning, from the cousin she babysits, who knows the kids through a friend of a friend. It's neighborhood gossip that makes her stomach drop.

The Scatorccio's had been living a nightmare over the past year, and it didn't look like it was going to get any better. Not anytime soon, maybe not at all.

Still, that doesn't mean Jackie isn't surprised to see the neighbor's daughter, Natalie Scatorccio, standing outside her house in the middle of the night, trying to steal her car.

They're both teenagers at this point, but it would have been hard to tell just from looking. Natalie has that soft face, puffy cheeks never really going anywhere, but she looks even younger with her eyes rimmed red from tears.

She looks hopelessly at Jackie as she gets closer, hiccupping and rubbing at her eyes with her sleeve.

(“I promised,” She breathes, so quiet that Jackie barely hears her, even in the dead of night. “I promised that nothing bad would ever happen to him as long as I was around," Nat laughs, bitterly. “Some daughter, I turned out to be.”)

Jackie realizes very quickly that Nat wanted to be caught.

She doesn't have any tools with her, wasn't dressed in a way that suggested she had really thought this whole thing through, and Jackie expects that her attempt of thievery had been tugging at the buggy door for a while, until the alarm had gone off. Jackie can't lie and say she's never done anything wrong in her life, never committed petty crimes because at the time it made her feel a little bit of power, but she doesn't think she'd ever done such a bad job of them.

“Fuck, I'm sorry," Nat sniffs, wiping at her eyes aggressively, as if she could push the tears back into her eyes, and pretend they had never escaped.

It's not clear what she's apologizing for, the attempted theft or crying in the middle of Jackie's driveway, but either way, Jackie can't find herself to be too angry.

“Do you want to talk about it?” She says.

She doesn't really know why she says it, because she's never been good at talking, never been good at saying the right thing at the right time. But there's something about Natalie Scatorccio that makes her want to try. It isn't really the time, isn't really the place, but Jackie watches Nat break apart on concrete at midnight, and isn't sure whether she'll be able to put herself together again if she doesn't talk about it now. If it isn't to Jackie, it isn't to anyone, because Nat has never tried that before.

“Okay.”

There's something about Jackie Taylor that makes Nat want to try too.

And so they talk. Or more, Nat talks and Jackie listens, because that's what she needs at that moment. She talks until she runs out of breath, and Jackie thinks that Nat is too young to feel this much, to hold so much pain, to have so much anger. She's so mad at the world, fist clenched when she speaks, trying to find someone to blame and eventually settling on herself. It's so clear in the dark, that Nat could so easily destroy herself if she got the opportunity.

Jackie sees that fury, worries about what it could morph into, and doesn't give it a chance to.

See, sometimes bad things happen to good people, and sometimes it isn't anyone's fault. But no one ever said that pain is logical. Nat feels it all, lets it crash over her like a wave, doesn't bother taking a breath before because she doesn't think she deserves it, and really, there's nothing that Jackie can do to stop it from happening.

(“You're going to get yourself in trouble if you keep doing such a bad job at covering your tracks.” Nat lowers her head, embarrassed.)

But she's there all the same.

There's no stopping a wave, not when it's gained an unstoppable momentum, but there's some sort of safety in knowing there's someone there to pull you out of the water, after it hits. When it hits, it destroys, it sends Nat sinking to the bottom of the ocean, makes her close her eyes and beg her lungs to give up already. But they don't, and they won't, and they can't . There's some sort of comfort in knowing that holding your breath doesn't have to mean the same thing as drowning, if you don't let it.

(“So, let me show you how it's supposed to be done.”)

A few weeks later, Jackie sleeps through the night, but wakes up one morning to see her car parked in a different position to the way she left it. She feels almost proud when she sees Nat later that day, and the girl can't stop grinning. Sure, there are better ways to cope than stealing vehicles, but at least it's not anger. At least it's not drowning.

That's how Jackie knows now, a few years on, that Nat had set off her alarm on purpose, had never intended to steal it in the first place, because she was the one that taught her how to get away with it.

"You know you could have just texted me if you needed me," Jackie says, rolling her eyes as she takes a seat next to Nat, who just grins in response.

“Where's the fun in that?”

She laughs when Jackie screws her face up in distaste at the can of drink she offers her—she's in her pajamas for God's sake—though it doesn't stop her from taking it, satisfied when it opens with a hiss.

Nat doesn't get upset anymore. Or at least, not like before. She eventually finds out that, while pain may not be logical, it also isn't infinite. At nineteen years old, she no longer aches with the weight of what has happened, what she could have done and what she couldn't.

“Got an early morning tomorrow,” Jackie points out. “Shouldn't be missing sleep when you're going to need all the energy you can get.”

Nat laughs around the lip of her can.

“I'm just going to be sweeping the deck,” Nat says nonchalantly, but Jackie sees through the facade easily enough, sees how proud Nat is of the fact that she'd managed to get herself a place on a ship. “But one day, Yellowjackets is going to be mine.”

That's more like it. From anyone else it would sound cocky at least, delusional at most, but Jackie doesn't think she's ever believed in someone more than she believes in Natalie Scatorccio.

“Just toe the line for now, Nat,” Jackie says warily, and Nat grins.

“Don't I always, Taylor?”

Jackie pulls a face, and it sets Nat off laughing.

“Sure you do, Nat.”

~

Space isn't supposed to be dark.

It doesn't have a night time, as such, doesn't have a day either, not unless the hours are set by someone else. People are the ones that decided that life needs numbers, constant starts and beginnings, a point to start again. And maybe that's a good thing, to feel like you're getting a refresh every so often, even if nothing has really changed.

But space is complicated. Because it's draped in darkness, always looks like night, and it's hard to enforce a day, when the day looks like everything else.

The sky is dark, but it isn't supposed to be.

It's called Olbers's paradox—the night being dark doesn't make sense, if you consider all the stars in the sky. If there are so many stars, so many sources of light, evenly distributed throughout the universe, space shouldn't be dark. No matter how far away, if there is an infinite amount of stars in the infinity that is the universe, space should be bright.

Except, maybe the universe isn't infinite.

We all know the story. It started with a point, an explosion, an expansion that is still happening today. If the universe has a birthday, the universe has an age, with too many zeros to put on a card, too many candles for a cake. But not an infinite amount. It's predicted that the universe is about 13 billion years old, give or take a few billion (it's the same number of zeroes, but not the same number of candles), which means in turn, that the oldest stars must be that age.

As the universe is always expanding, that's a lot of time for those stars to have traveled far enough away that when we see them, we're not really seeing them . Really, the space we see is a delayed snapshot, a picture of the past, meaning the stars we see could even be dead by the time their light reaches us. But that's another story.

Where we stand, the light of the farthest stars—and really they're all far—hasn't had a chance to reach and contribute to the sky we see today. If the universe was infinite, in age, in size, space would look very different—stars overlapping stars, the universe set on fire.

Space isn't supposed to be dark, but it's probably for the best that it is. How else would you see the stars?

And if we still choose to have night and day, that's probably for the best too. If night and day are black and white, space is shades of grey, something undefined, something . And even if the Universe isn't infinite, it's big enough that there are plenty of places to run, plenty of places to hide, and even more places to get lost in.

For some people, that's for the best.

~

When Nat became captain of Yellowjackets, she hadn't been aware that there would be so much admin work involved.

Nat's job is getting their cargo, which is usually pharmaceutical stock, from Planet A to Planet B, without getting caught in any asteroid showers or black holes on the way, and maintaining order of her crew. Big pharma has money to spend, and trusts Nat's crew to get their equipment, their drugs where they need to be without any problems along the way. She's good at it, she knows she is, because she has to be. Each mission, she carries a billionaires potential profit, a government's investment for the year, because what it costs to make, is nothing compared to what it can sell for. It's the most profitable industry in the solar system for a reason.

There's no room for error, and Nat never slips up. It wasn't exactly a dangerous job, at least not now that technology was so advanced, but there was one thing that put her life at risk every single day: Admin work.

“Right, if you don't get your fucking ass to this meeting in the next ten minutes, I'm going to overtake Yellowjackets for myself.”

Okay, maybe two.

Jackie Taylor is Nat's second in command, her right hand woman, the kind of sibling she never had. But right now, she's just being a massive pain in the ass. She stormed into the navigation tower where Nat was located, eventually finding Nat among piles of paper, stacked precariously on every possible surface. It's old fashioned, Nat knows, but looking at screens and holograms for too long gives her headaches, so she'd rather have the documents in her hands.

Nat had been trawling through CV's for days now, trying to find a new medic for Yellowjackets, since their current one was planning to leave in a few weeks. Usually, it would be easy enough to find someone else, as some members of the crew tend to switch between ships depending on what was required for the trip, but she was yet to find a replacement that would be suitable.

The issue this time was that they were mid-voyage, and getting a new medic to join in the middle of a mission, and at such short notice, would prove to be difficult, especially when the person would need to be from one of the planets they planned to have a rest stop on. She'd had multiple applications from residents of Pluto, which is where they were planning to stop, but none of them had been good enough. Or at least, not by her standards.

Jackie doesn't seem surprised to find her still there, hours after she'd left the captain to complete some of her own duties, already knowing that Nat had forgotten the meeting that she needed to attend with the rest of the senior crew members.

“Maybe if you let me help you, you wouldn't have so much to do,” Jackie says with a roll of her eyes, when Nat argues that she's too busy to go to the meeting, the taller one pulls a face in response.

Nat is far too headstrong to ask for help, even with the most menial of tasks, and Jackie knows that. She can't really criticize, because it's probably her fault that the girl is the way she is. Nat is too stubborn for her own good, determined to get anything she sets her mind to, which is also how she managed to become a captain at the age of 25, one of the youngest to ever do so.

“It's either you attend this meeting, or we make the decision for you.” Jackie points out, changing tactics, and she's not surprised when that finally gets Nat to put down the paper she's holding with a sigh.

They both know that there wouldn't be any decisions made without their captain present, or without her approval, but if there's anything that Nat hates more than being interrupted in the middle of something, it's not being in control of the situation. It's not surprising that the threat alone is enough to make Nat drag herself out of the navigation room, albeit reluctantly.

It isn't a long walk to her office, where the meeting is being held, probably five minutes at most, and unsurprisingly no one dares to interrupt the pair as they move through the ship.

If anyone were to ask, Nat wouldn't say that she's scary. She doesn't raise her voice, she doesn't snap without reason, and she'd like to think that she's fair when she does have to reprimand people. When she was working her way up the rankings, Nat had dealt with more than enough assholes with authority that they didn't earn, to know that she didn't want to lead like them. She didn't want to achieve obedience through fear, she wanted it through respect.

However, she'd learnt pretty early on that if she wanted people to give her that respect, she had to present herself a certain way. The all black uniform of Yellowjackets is intimidating enough as it is, the blue and gold trimming on the lapel standing out against the material, but Nat knows that there's something particularly striking about the uniform being paired with blonde hair, dark eyeliner that make her eyes stand out, and her dark stare. There's something untouchable about her looking like that, walking around like that, with her chin high and gun strapped to her side at all times. Nat knows that she plays the scary role well when she needs to.

Jackie almost feels sorry for the guys that she catches loitering in the corridor leading up to Nat's office, because they don't notice them until it's too late. She says almost, because this wasn't the first they'd been caught. If there's one thing that Nat can't stand, it's people that don't pull their weight, and she made it clear to everyone who joined their crew that she wouldn't allow slacking off at the expense of others.

The men in question don't notice them until they stop a few meters away, and Nat interrupts their conversation with a cough. They both jump, straightening up when they see Nat and Jackie in front of them, looking less impressed.

“Captain Scatorccio!” One of them exclaims, laughing nervously when Nat just raises an eyebrow at them.

“Do you have a weaker tolerance to gravity than everyone else?” Nat asks, sounding almost bored she says it. Both men shake their heads quickly, confusion clear on their faces. “Are you sure? The way you're dragging your feet seems to suggest otherwise.”

They're slow to process what she means, and when they do, their cheeks turn red. Still, they stay frozen in place, and Nat's gaze turns hard. Jackie has to stop herself from laughing at the terrified expressions of the men opposite them.

Nat isn't scary.

“Don't you have work to do?” Nat says, more than asks, when neither of them make a move to get back to work.

But she's something close to it.

She and Jackie watch as the two scramble to leave, bowling as they go, and Nat shakes her head, continuing to walk, but at a faster pace than before, obviously irritated.

“Would it kill you to not make your crew fear for their lives every time they see you coming around the corner,” Jackie asks, easily falling into step next to Nat as they continue walking towards the Captain's office.

Nat just shrugs.

"Fuck off. I'm not scary, I'm stern," Nat replies, as she pushes the door to her office open.

She's unsurprised to see that the rest of the group are already there. It's not that she's late, because she's never late, but her office is in a completely different wing to the navigation tower, and the incident in the hallway had slowed her down considerably. It probably didn't help that she was so wrapped up in her work that she didn't realize the time until Jackie had showed up.

“Tell that to the engineers you just made almost piss themselves,” Jackie drawls, rolling her eyes and nodding at the rest of the people in the room as they enter, noting how they're dotted around the room chatting with one another.

Nat's office isn't particularly big, but it doesn't really need to be—just a desk, and a few cabinets, and some chairs. In the center is a screen, not unlike the one that she was working on a few moments ago, where information about the ship, whether it's to do with its route, or its thermostat, can be accessed and changed. It all matches, minimalist and white, apart from the antique looking piano tucked into one of the corners, dark oak sticking out like a sore thumb among the modern aesthetic of the room.

She likes it though, despite how Van insists that the coloring is all wrong for the room.

Really, the main draw of the room is the window taking up the majority of the space behind her desk. At first glance it looks like a projection on a green screen, a perfect image of the galaxy and all its stars printed onto the wall, and it has taken Nat a while to get used to the fact that it's real, and she's just a glass pane away from it. No matter how used to seeing space she is, it'll never not take her breath away to see it stretched about before her like this. You don't tend to get into this line of work, if you don't enjoy having your feet off the ground.

The atmosphere remains relaxed as they enter, a testament to how close the senior members of the crew are, and Nat already knows what's coming when she sees the glint of amusement in Van's eye, having caught what Jackie had said as they entered.

“You pissed yourself, Nat?” Van asks, faux sympathetic despite how Nat glares at her, moving towards her desk, which the ginger woman is leant against. She's playing with the globe that Nat had recently got in preparation for their latest trip, absentmindedly throwing it up in the air and catching it as she continues to talk. “Not again.”

Nat stays silent as she plucks the model Earth out of the air mid-throw, putting it behind her back when Van reaches to take it back. The planet is the one that they're headed too on this mission, and the last thing she needs is for her replica version to end up in pieces on the floor.

“She was scaring the crew members again,” Jackie explains, and no one seems particularly surprised to hear it, knowing how Nat can come across to others.

The girl in question rolls her eyes.

“I just want to make sure I have their respect.”

Unsurprisingly, she's ignored. Clearly, that's going well.

“Remember when the new guys first started and Nat told them all that she'd tie them to the transmitter pole if they slept in. The kids looked like they were about to cry,” Tai adds, leaning against the wall adjacent to the door.

Standing in the middle of the room by the piano, Shauna shivers. The threat was a particularly sensitive topic for the head of Navigation, who could only imagine the disruption of such a thing happening.

“I'm sorry, but who here was elected Captain?” Nat interrupts. She puts her hand up, looking around to see whether anyone else had done the same. “Captain of the soccer team doesn't count,” Jackie's hand goes down. “And neither does the captain of the chess club,” Laura Lee's hand goes down. “Oh, would you look at that? I guess I'm the only one!”

Really, they all know that Nat already has the respect of her crew. She had worked her way up the ranks, having had the same opportunities as everyone else, proving herself to be worthy of the role that she had been given. When their last Captain had retired, they'd had a vote to decide who was most capable to be their next leader, which Nat had won almost unanimously. Still, it wouldn't be fun if they couldn't tease her.

“Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure the ballot counter was being paid under the table,” Van says with a sniff, and Nat narrows her eyes.

“You were the ballot counter,”

Van nods.

“That's how I know it was corrupt.”

Of course.

“What's this meeting about anyway?” Shauna asks, from her position leaning against the piano, unaffected by the look that Nat sends.

They all turn to Tai, who had been the one to call this meeting in the first place.

“We need a new medic,” Tai explains, and Nat groans, thinking that she'd escaped this topic for at least a few minutes. She already knows what's coming, when Tai turns to look at her, eyes narrowed accusingly. “And Nat clearly doesn't trust my judgement.”

Nat rolls her eyes, busying herself by returning her replica Earth onto her desk in order to avoid meeting Tai's eyes. That could be further from the truth, and Tai knows it.

Tai had insisted that she had the perfect candidate for the position, but Nat hadn't been so sure. Apparently, Tai had met this girl on a holiday when she was a kid—she'd show them the pictures—and this girl was now working as a doctor who wanted to try her hand at being an on-board medic. She had been spending the last few months on Pluto, which happened to be one of their upcoming rest planets, so it would work out perfectly. Or at least, it would have until Tai had mentioned that her friend hadn't ever stepped foot on a spaceship before.

“Look, it’s not that I don't trust you,” Nat insists, sighing at the way Tai raises her eyebrow in response. "I just don't think hiring your friend with no experience of being a flight medic is going to end well."

It's not that being a crew medic is harder than being a land-based medicine, really Nat would argue that it's probably the opposite, because it's pretty unlikely that there are going to be any serious medical emergencies in the space of a few months of travel. The worst it tends to get is when Van gets muscle strain from unloading particularly heavy cargo, or Laura Lee forgetting to wear her gloves in the lab and give herself chemical burns.

The issue is more that being a flight medic requires an additional skill set, one which usually takes months of work to achieve. Not everyone is cut out for life on a ship, whether it's because of the time away from home, or the space-sickness caused by the sensation of the moving spacecraft. Nat can't be blamed for being apprehensive about hiring a medic that had no experience, or training in the field.

Nat explains as much.

“Just because everyone wasn't born with space-legs like you...” She says pointedly, and if it were anyone else, Nat would have flushed. “What's the worst that could happen?”

Even if she's being rhetorical, she rushes to keep talking when Nat opens her mouth to answer, possibilities already on the tip of her tongue.

“She could pass out as soon as we take off because she can't take the space-sickness, fall on the navigation panel, lock our coordinates to a hostile planet where we're forced to land,” Tai opens her mouth to interrupt. “Then, Jackie will be forced to marry some asshole of the royal family as a peace offering, but the wedding invite will say it's smart-casual, and since Van only owns sweatpants she'll get killed by the fucking formal-wear overlords that run the planet, and the wedding will be ruined.”

They're all silent for a while, each trying to process the fact that the girl in front of them was not only their Captain, but was known for making people cry just by talking to them harshly, even if it was an accident.

Nat has a smug smile on her face, while Tai shakes her head, massaging her temples.

“Wow, shit,” Van says, breaking the silence.

She turns to Jackie, clapping her hand roughly against Jackie's back, and almost sends her flying in the process. Jackie spins around when she regains her footing, sending a look at Van's way that looks like a cross between what the fuck and what the fuck!

“Marriage! Congrats, Jackie!” Van lets out a noise, and Jackie puts her hands up in surrender.

She was killed in Nat's scenario and was still supportive of her friend, so the least Jackie could do was say thank you. Tai sighs. All she wanted was one meeting that was at least somewhat focused, and didn't involve marrying off crew members in the name of keeping the peace. Was that too much to ask?

“A planet run by formal-wear overlords?” Laura Lee asks, and Nat nods solemnly.

“Yeah. It's called Suiturn.”

What was she thinking? Of course, it was too much to ask.

“Okay, well I'm going to skip past... whatever that was,” Tai interrupts, gesturing with her hands towards where Nat stands. Really, she can't complain, when they were the ones that made her that way. “I really don't think that space-sickness is going to be an issue for my friend. She's used to movement like that, because of the sea. So, your scenario is even more unlikely to happen than it already was.”

She says it so casually, that Nat doesn't pick up on it until Laura Lee points it out.

“She's from Earth?”

Oh, right. The sea .

Nat has never been to Earth. But more importantly, she had never seen the sea. Or at least, not in a way that she would count, because all she really remembers from the rare times that they've flown past over it on their way to somewhere else, is blue . She doesn't remember it, but she must have passed Earth to get to Venus.

She learnt that when she was young the sea moves because of the Moon, so she imagines that it must be loud when you get close to it, crashing against the land every time it comes in—the tide is what they call it. So, she can't think how it would feel to sleep on the sea, can't even imagine how you could do so without slipping straight to the bottom. She's heard of times when the waves aren't gentle and they just do that; They pull people away, and they don't let them come back.

It makes her uneasy to think about, even if she knows that space is capable of doing the same thing, that's where the term space-sickness had come from after all, from the Earth term. But the unknown of space is still familiar. The rocking on the ship that you only feel in the middle of the night, or when they define night to be, doesn't feel as scary as it once did.

She wonders if the sea is like that—silent in the day but loud in the night, a terror that eventually sinks into a reminder that it's okay, you're moving, always moving. Now, she finds it hard to be on land for too long, feels trapped regardless of how much gravity there is on the planet in question, and itches for when they can take off again. She'd like to see the sea, properly see it, but she doesn't think anything could compare to this , that she observes every time she looks out of the window. The universe is constantly getting bigger, and she's always liked that. She likes the fact that she can keep running, keep moving, and never having to stop.

“Yeah, she grew up there,” Tai admits, though she sounds almost guilty, as if she hadn't meant to let the information slip.

It's not like there's anything inherently wrong with being from Earth, really they look and act just like the rest of them, but there was a stereotype that Earth people weren't exactly welcoming when it comes to people from other planets. It was never outright hostility, not enough to start a conflict, but there was no denying that the planet liked to keep to itself as much as possible. Nearer to the start of the Universe, it had taken a long time for Earth to communicate with the rest of their solar system, let alone the rest of the Universe, with some even denying their existence completely. Even now, Earth still seems reluctant to broaden its horizons, sticking with its more outdated technology and limited flights in and out of their atmosphere.

To hear of someone from Earth wanting to join a space crew that was based on another planet no less, is pretty much unheard of.

“All the more reason to hire her,” Tai continues, “She can help us out while we're on Earth, visit some of her patients while she's there, do her consultations online while she's with us.”

Nat assumes that if she hadn't traveled on a spaceship before, she must have traveled between planets using their cross-planetary train network, the Milky Way. No one really gets to see anything of the Universe using that method of transport, since the shuttles are enclosed into tunnels, so she guesses that the medic had never seen space like they had. Nat can't imagine it, doesn't really want to.

Tai is right. It'd be helpful having a native with them for the week or so that they'll probably stop there, before heading home again. Earth people aren't known to be dangerous, more suspicious than anything, but they'd probably be more readily accepted if they had one of their own as part of their crew. Then again, even if Tai vouches for her, there is no guarantee that the new medic would even be cooperative with them, or if she'd be just as standoffish as the rest of her planet often are.

"Tai's right. It's not like we can really afford to be picky," Shauna points out, seeing Nat wavering. "You know it's illegal to travel without a medic on board, and Mari is leaving on the next stop off. It's either this person, or we break the law."

"God forbid we do something illegal," Van drawls sarcastically, and Nat sends her a warning look.

They're all aware of exactly what goes on in this ship, but Nat had always been careful to not talk about it out loud. Everyone in the room knew about it, played a role in it, but that didn't mean that there wasn't a possibility of the wrong ears listening in.

"Unless you want to revert to your life of petty crime?" Jackie teases, easing the tension. Nat scowls.

"Fuck off, Taylor." Nat grits out.

Teenage Nat had gone through a rebellious stage, and they loved to bring it up, since it's such a contrast to the way she is now. She's a stickler for the rules, almost too much she's told, but she has a lot of responsibility as the Captain, a position that she can't risk jeopardizing. She knows they're joking when they tease her about it, but she still sulks a little whenever it's brought up.

Nat thinks that making Jackie her second in command all those years ago was a mistake, because clearly her friend doesn't have a shred of loyalty in her body. She blames Jackie entirely for the fact that the people in the room even know about that, because if it were her choice she would've let that secret die with her.

"I'm reformed," Nat bites, and the rest of the crew try not to laugh at the way the blonde's forehead creases in annoyance. It's just too easy.

They all ignore the elephant in the room.

"You make it sound like she was way cooler than she actually was," Jackie laughs. "Stealing your neighbor's space buggy in the middle of the night and returning it before they wake up because you know they have work in the morning. Isn't exactly Escobar levels, is it?"

"Public transport would have been a bitch on Monday morning, I'm not evil," Nat explains with a shrug. "You're welcome for that, by the way."

In simple terms, it's safe to say that Jackie and Nat's friendship hadn't started in the most conventional way, but then again, the best friendships never really do.

Jackie grins, thinking back to when they first met, with her bangs covering all but the antagonistic expression on her face. Gone was the cocky drawl, the daring looking in her eye whenever she saw an opportunity to do something she wasn't supposed to do, and Jackie almost wanted to laugh thinking of the stuttering mess that had replaced her.

"Okay, so, as the infamous space-buggy stealer-" Nat interrupts with a grunt, and Jackie clears her throat dramatically in response. "As the reformed space-buggy stealer," Nat nods, puffing out her chest with a satisfied look on her face, not noticing the endeared looks her friends send her in response. "I'm sure you'd agree that we can't break the rules by not having a medic. And at the moment, we don't have any other options."

Nat knows that they're right, but can't help but still feel uneasy about the whole thing. She twists one of the rings on her finger, a nervous habit that she's never quite been able to shake, and Tai seems to notice, voice turning gentle when she next speaks.

"I promise, I wouldn't recommend her if I didn't think she was good enough," Tai says, eyes sincere in a way that makes Nat feel bad for giving her such a hard time about it. "You need to trust me."

And Nat does.

She trusts the five people in the room more than anyone else, and she knows full well that the weight of the responsibility she has, feels a lot lighter than it used to because of them. They can't make the decisions for her, and she wouldn't ask her to, but she believes them when they say she knows what's best for her ship, for her crew. Because she does, she knows she does, she just sometimes needs a reminder. She finds a different definition of family here; from the labs, to the operations room, back round to the neighbor that decided that maybe the space-buggy stealer isn't so bad.

They're all looking at her expectantly, and she sighs. It's not like they have much of a choice.

"Fine, she can be the new medic," Tai is now grinning. "But as soon as we finish this mission, we're getting someone fully trained for our next one. I'll talk to base about it."

Tai nods eagerly, though she doesn't look convinced by Nat's threat, pulling out her phone, presumably to contact her friend and tell her the news. The holographic figure of the person she's calling doesn't appear above the screen, and Nat figures that people on Earth may not have that feature.

"Trust me, you'll be begging her to stay by the end of this trip," Tai says confidently, putting the device to her ear and moving towards the exit.

Nat can't help but scoff at that. A captain doesn't beg.

"She specializes in pediatrics, so she's perfect to look after an idiot like you."

Nat just nods, realizing too late what Tai had said, screwing her face up in annoyance when she sees her office door swing shut. The rest of her friends shake their heads when Nat starts pacing towards the exit too, hand curled up into fists.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

What's the worst thing that could happen?

The remaining members exchange exasperated looks, as Nat swings the door open, yelling as she goes.

It looks like they're about to find out.

~

Nat likes Pluto, for the most part.

It's pretty small, fairly quiet, and most people there tend to keep to themselves, which is exactly what Nat needs when she steps off Yellowjackets to stretch her legs during their rest stop. Yellowjackets is big enough that she can seek privacy if she wants it, but she likes to take their respite as an opportunity to walk around and think by herself.

The only thing she doesn't love about Pluto, is how cold it is there. Pluto orbits the sun, but you wouldn't think so with how chilly the place gets. Before she'd stepped out, she'd winced seeing the '-220 degrees Celsius' on her phone screen, sighing before getting all her gear on. On Pluto, everyone looks the same when they're all in big puffy coats pulled over their heads, walking fast so they can get out of the cold as quickly as possible. It's always possible to tell a tourist, by the way they scurry around the streets, heads down and hands in their pockets.

While they still have to wear protective gear, natives of Pluto tend to be acclimated to the environment, so can at least walk about leisurely, with fewer layers, without much concern. Unfortunately, there will always be some that take advantage of that. The cold weather of Pluto is debilitating if you aren't used to it, aren't properly equipped for it, and some people will take advantage of that, knowing that it's hard to keep a hold of your belongings when your hands are numb. But really, it's the same anywhere. On Venus it's the opposite—people's hands becoming so damp with sweat that their possessions literally slip into the wrong hands.

Still, Nat doesn't mind being there. She has time to kill after all. They're hoping to leave in a few days, as soon as space traffic control gives them clearance to do so, and today is the day that Tai is going to collect their new medic and have her officially join the crew. Nat can't lie and say that she's still not concerned about the whole thing, reluctant to invite strangers onto her ship, even if they are friends with someone she trusts. But there's not much she can do about it now.

Currently her mind is occupied by the fact that the sandwich she'd brought with her from the ship had frozen in the Pluto air. She contemplates trying to eat it anyway, but it makes a dull thudding noise when she hits it against her other hand. Maybe not. She could just wait until she gets back to ship, she's heading there anyway, but if she went to the effort of making the sandwich, she wants to at least get to eat it.

She glances around her, to see that no one is really paying attention to her, before reaching underneath her coat. Her hand latches on the metal object, and then she's bringing the gun out into the open. It's a laser gun, one of the most powerful ones there is, and though Nat had never needed to use it much, it was better to be safe than sorry. Especially when the cargo they carry on Yellowjackets is worth as much as it is.

Really, she isn't supposed to have weapons on her unless declared—and she definitely had not done that—but Nat isn't stupid enough to go out on a fairly unfamiliar planet and not bring some sort of protection with her. It was careless for her to bring it out now, but it's not like anyone is paying attention to her. That was her first mistake.

She flips her gun in her hand, feeling the familiar weight in her palm, before aiming the laser at her sandwich. Shauna had taught this technique of using the laser to reheat or defrost food, but if anyone asks, it wasn't her. Satisfied, she shoves her gun back underneath her coat. The food always comes a bit charred around the edges, more on the crunchy side, but Nat can't afford to be picky right now, pleased when the sandwich becomes soft in her hands. She finishes it quickly, standing up to carry on her journey, but hesitates before she sets off again. She swears she can feel someone watching her, but when she looks around everyone she can see seems occupied in their own conversations. She shrugs, pulling her coat tight around her, but not bothering to zip it up properly, before carrying on her journey.

She usually doesn't take short cuts, since she doesn't know the area very well, and you never know where they could lead, but it's still light enough that Nat doesn't feel particularly concerned about what she might come across. That was her second mistake. That, and the fact that she wasn't really paying attention as she walked into the alleyway, legs working on autopilot while her mind was elsewhere. If Jackie could see her now, she'd give her a lecture for being caught off guard, but if Jackie could see her now, she probably wouldn't have ended up sprawled on the floor.

One moment she's walking aimlessly, and the next she's flying off her feet, when something heavy collides with her right side. It happens so fast, that for a few moments she isn't sure what's happening, a solid weight crashing into her side, eventually making her tumble to the ground with a thud.

"Shit. Fuck," Nat grunts, feeling the side of her face scrape against the ground when she falls, glad that at least she was wearing a big coat, that manages to cushion most of the impact.

It happens so fast that she doesn't notice the hand brushing against the side of her body, or the hand on the back of her head, that stops her skull from hitting the concrete with the momentum of the fall. She's far more focused on who, or what, had just just crashed into her.

For some reason, whatever she hits decides to shout, even though she isn't the one to hit the ground, and Nat winces at the commotion the person is making. Whoever it is has a low but soft voice, but one that she clearly knows how to use, the sound projecting for a while, before it abruptly stops.

Despite the pain, Nat is quick to push the weight off and sit back up, not knowing if someone had attacked her, or if it was an accident. There's a grunt next to her, confirming that it was in fact a person who had fallen onto her, if the screaming wasn't enough confirmation, but she's sure they must be fine, since they used Nat's body to cushion their fall.

"Shit, are you okay?" A voice asks, calm now, compared to the ruckus they'd created when they'd first fallen.

Nat has to resist the urge to snap back something sarcastic. Clearly, she isn't. She guesses the voice must belong to whoever had crashed into her, and even if they sound innocent enough, Nat can't take any chances. She traps a groan in her throat when she staggers to her feet, squinting her eyes when a flare of pain comes from the left side of her face.

She's dealt with worse, but the fact that her head is spinning from the sudden change in orientation, isn't helping matters. Through her blurred vision, she's able to make out a figure, about four inches taller than her, with a slightly bigger build. Quickly evaluating the situation, Nat is confident that she could not take them easily if she needed to.

"Hey, relax, I'm not trying to start a fight," The person says, putting their hands up in surrender.

Which is exactly what someone who wanted to start a fight would say.

Nat knows that she probably shouldn't believe her just like that, but it's not like she has much choice, when she's suddenly hit by a rush of lightheadedness, that is somehow strong enough to have her hitting the ground once again. This time, she's at least able to land on her knees, before falling onto her back. She thinks she hears the stranger swear, but she can't really concentrate on anything other than stopping herself from being sick.

"Come on, let me help you, " The stranger says, and Nat just groans. "You need to sit up and put your head between your legs,"

She can sense a shadow over her, the person who she'd crashed into moving to crouch by her side.

Really, she doesn't think she needs to do anything, but the person is insistent in a way that makes Nat wonder why she couldn't have just been hit by a delivery robot or something. They're trying to be helpful, she gets it, but the firm hands on her shoulders stop her from moving quickly when she does sit up, only irritating her. "Not too fast! You might be concussed!".

"You're the one that told me to sit up," Nat mutters, eyes still squinted because of the pain, seeing a blur of black in front of her.

She holds her own hand up to her cheek, where most of the ache seems to be coming from, and she's not surprised that her hand comes back damp. When she takes her hand away from her cheek, she curses at the blood she sees. She's used to getting injured on the job, so really, this is more an inconvenience than anything to really be concerned about. She wipes her hand on her pants, grateful not for the first time that they're black.

The stranger's hands come back, first on Nat's wrist to pull her hand away from her face, and then to push Nat's head down. The person is barely there, their fingers not even properly gripping her hair, but Nat still finds herself gritting her teeth at the way she's being moved around like a ragdoll.

She sits there for a few minutes, too focused on trying to deal with the dizziness, to shake off the cold fingers pressed against the back of her neck. Sat on the floor in an alley with her head between her legs, and a stranger practically petting her hair, she's suddenly grateful that at least her crewmates can't see her right now.

When the blood has rushed back to her head, and the spinning has stopped, she lifts her head, and it's not even a second before her chin is grabbed and her face is angled to the side. Nat scowls, this time having the sense to shake the hands off her, before turning to glare at the person who had caused this.

The first thing she notices is that the girl is dressed in all black, just like her, with a thick jacket thrown over her shoulders, presumably to keep out the Pluto cold. But she must be visiting the planet, or had recently moved there, because her skin is golden, a tan that you couldn't have gotten from somewhere so far away from the sun. If Nat had to guess, she would say the girl must be from Venus, because despite her dark attire, she seems saturated in warm colors, contrasting with the grays and blues surrounding them.

Eventually, her eyes drag to the person's face, and she's surprised that the low voice she'd been hearing doesn't seem to match the young face staring back at her. The stranger looks to be around Nat's age, and the sting of her injury somehow fades into white noise, when she finds her eyes lingering, gaze dragging across the stranger's sharp jaw, strong eyebrows, and symmetrical features. It's an understatement to call her pretty, really she doesn't think there's a word for it, but this stranger is like no one she's ever seen before, and she can't help herself from staring. The stranger smiles, as if she knows what Nat is thinking, and maybe if she were a little smarter, a little stronger she would have shaken herself out of it.

Nat had never considered herself weak, she can't be because of her position, but she feels something close to weakness now. Caught off guard and distracted by a pretty face? Jackie would kill her if she found out.

If Nat didn't know better, she'd think she was looking at an angel. Clearly, whatever accident she'd gotten into, had killed her. That had to be the only explanation for a face like that. She frowns. How is Jackie going to kill her, if she's already dead? She snaps out of it when the angel presses harshly into the cut on her face.

"What the fuck ," Nat finally says, not realizing that the stranger had moved closer to her again. This time, they let her go fully, shifting back to sit on their knees. There's a handkerchief in her hand, which is confusing in and of itself, because who even uses those these days?

"I'm trying to stop the bleeding," The stranger explains, as if it's obvious.

She says it softly, sitting back on her heels now. This girl didn't seem to have any qualms about the fact that she'd just bulldozered Nat over, hadn't even apologized, and now Nat is starting to reconsider her previous thoughts. Maybe the person in front of her is actually a devil.

Usually she wouldn't be so outwardly rude, knowing that it was probably an accident, but she's so tired, so close to the end of her tether, that she snaps without thinking.

"I can handle it myself," Nat hisses, pressing her sleeve against her cheek. The material of her uniform is rough against her skin, but it does the job.

The injury probably looks worse than it is, because that's always what happens, like the universe wants to add a bit of drama, without carrying through with the consequences. The mess of blood on her face makes for a more gruesome image than that reality, but the stranger doesn't seem phased by the sight of blood, offering her handkerchief again, this time for Nat to take.

"Don't be an idiot," The girl mutters, when the blood starts to drip down Nat's chin and onto her lap, and it takes everything in Nat's body to not blow up at that, instead opting to snatch the material with a grunt.

Absent-mindedly, she notices how soft the material is, probably silk, and thinks about how impossible it will be to get the blood stains out of it once she's done with it. She'd feel bad, if the situation were different.

The girl stands up to brush herself down, before holding out a hand to help Nat too. Unsurprisingly, her offer is ignored, the captain clambering to her feet by herself. She feels fine now, her vision now longer blurry and her head no longer spinning.

Now that she feels more like herself, she turns on the stranger glare already on her face. Though, she doesn't get to say anything, before the other girl interjects.

"So!" She says, sounding too cheery for the situation. "What's your name?"

She doesn't seem bothered when Nat just stares at her in disbelief, lips pressed tightly together. She raises an eyebrow, in silence.

"What? You don't have a name?"

"I have a name, I just don't feel the need to share it with you," Nat replies, and opposite her, the figure in black just looks amused. She smirks, looking like she knows more than she lets on, and it makes Nat uncomfortable for some reason.

"Okay, anonymous , " She says, in a way that sounds like she's making fun of her. "Clearly, someone's not in the mood to talk."

Nat makes a face, one that translates as obviously fucking not and the stranger just shrugs.

Dressed in all black, with a face like she has and a condescending smirk on her face, she should come across as intimidating, and in any other situation, Nat would probably find herself weak at the knees just at the sight of her. Though, then again, that probably would have nothing to do with being scared.

"Aren't you going to apologize?" Nat asks, when the stranger just shoves her hands in her pockets, pulling up the collar of her coat and looking like she's about to leave, since Nat doesn't seem interested in making conversation. She raises one eyebrow, seemingly surprised by Nat's suggestion.

This girl, who had caused this problem in the first place, is now acting surprised that Nat doesn't want to suddenly be her best friend. As if that was a normal response in this situation. She swears this girl doesn't look like she's from Pluto, but maybe she is, and this is some cultural difference that she isn't aware of.

"Apologize for what? Maybe, you should have looked where you're walking," She replies with a shrug, making Nat bristle.

She knew she hadn't exactly been completely aware of her surroundings, but it was the stranger that had crashed into her, with a force that had come entirely from her direction. If she'd been looking, perhaps Nat would have seen her coming, been able to brace from the fall more effectively. But she doesn't think she could have prevented it.

“Maybe, you should pay more attention to what's going on around you asshole,” Nat bites back, which seems to amuse the stranger even more.

She's rocking slightly on her heels, looking Nat up and down in a way that makes her feel exposed, despite the layers that she'd put on that morning. There isn't anything salacious about her gaze, it's more calculating than anything, dragging over Nat's body like it's being analyzed. The gaze lingers where she knows the Yellowjackets emblem sits proudly on the left side of her chest, but the jacket she's wearing covers it up. For a second, she wonders whether the stranger would have treated her with more respect if she knew who she had just bowled over. But then again, this girl doesn't seem to care about things like that.

"Now that's where you're wrong. I'm always paying attention," She answers vaguely.

Nat scoffs, and having had enough of the exchange, she takes out her phone, eyes widening slightly when she sees the time and the mass of notifications on the screen. She was supposed to be back at the spaceport by now, ready to greet their new medic, and instead she was having an argument with a brick wall. She winces when she reads the most recent message, seeing a preview of a holographic that Jackie has sent her. She already knows that it's going to be Jackie just glaring at her—those are her go to's.

She looks up, seeing that the stranger is peering at the device in curiosity. If she didn't know better, she'd think that the girl had never seen a holographic before, though that wouldn't make sense, because there was only one planet that didn't use them, and there was no way in hell its inhabitants would be all the way on Pluto. Hastily, she shoves the device back in her pocket, schooling her face into a frown once again.

If she's embarrassed to be caught looking, the girl doesn't let it show. Though, then again, she appears to have a general lack of awareness when it comes to cultural do's and don'ts, so perhaps it's not all that surprising.

"You have somewhere to be?" The girl asks. Nat nods, more a jut of her chin than any sort of proper engagement in the conversation.

The stranger's eyes flicker to the side of Nat's face, and it's then that she remembers that she's still got the girl's handkerchief pressed to her face. Nat moves the material from where she's pressing it against her skin, parts of it now saturated in blood. At least now when she touches her face, the cut feels crusty, the blood dry for the most part, which she supposes is a good thing. She hesitates, holding the bloody piece of cloth in front of her, and the girl just shakes her head.

"It's okay, you can keep that one," Nat nods, not bothering to argue, instead shoving the handkerchief into her pocket and making a mental note to get rid of it as soon as possible. She could do without a souvenir to remember this moment. The girl hums, nodding to the injury. "Should probably get that checked out. I don't think you'll need stitches, some antiseptic and a bandage will do."

"What do you know about injuries, apart from how to cause them," Nat can't help but bite back.

Now the stranger's face splits into a full on grin. If Nat were less annoyed, less frustrated, she would notice the details of the uniform the stranger is wearing, the emblem printed on the right arm on her jacket, the way the stranger seems to be struggling not to laugh. She bites her lips, tilting her head as if she's considering Nat's words, before letting out an exaggerated sigh.

"You're right, what do I know?" She says solemnly, the agreement making Nat narrow her eyes. From what she's learnt about the girl from this exchange alone, she didn't seem like someone who would suddenly back down. "Should probably get a professional to take a look at that for you."

And that's exactly what Nat intends to do. She figures that it's probably not the best way to introduce herself to the new medic - ' Hey, welcome to the team, can you please stitch my face back up? ' - but it's not like she has much choice in the matter.

Talking of which, she really has to go. As much as she doesn't want to back down, she needs to get herself to the spaceport already, before Jackie sends a search party out for her.

"Good luck with sorting that out," The stranger says, still not a hint of apology in her voice, even as Nat is clearly planning to take her leave.

The alley isn't that narrow, but there isn't really enough space for Nat to get past if the stranger doesn't shift slightly out of the way. The latter doesn't seem to have any intention to do so, hands still in her pockets, body relaxed. In fact, she laughs right in Nat's face when she motions for her to move to the side, raising an eyebrow, as if to say make me.

Nat just grits her teeth, making no effort to be gentle when she shoves past the stranger, her shoulder meeting her chest roughly, where the space is too narrow for them both to fit.

"Hey, wait,” The girl calls out, when Nat doesn't stop walking, about to take off into the night and head to her destination, like she intended to before this ordeal even happened. She's got at least another twenty minutes to go before she gets to the spaceport, so she needs to go now.

She doesn't know why she bothers to turn around, but when she does, she sees that the girl is heading in the opposite direction, walking backwards towards the other alley entrance, where Nat had come from.

She gives a little salute, and even as she's moving further away, Nat can see the teasing smile on her face. It's one that never seems to drop, but it still bothers Nat to no end. She frowns at the action too. She's used to people saluting her, and while at first she'd been uncomfortable with it, she had learnt to accept it as part of her job.

It's usually used as a sign of respect, but from this stranger it comes across as sarcastic, the lazy flick of the wrist paired with a teasing smirk. Nat scoffs, turning back around and looking down at her phone once again. She'd already wasted enough time on someone she was never going to see again.

The voice continues to shout, getting quieter and quieter, but still cutting through the quiet.

"Have a safe flight!" Nat freezes.

When she spins back around, the alley is empty. She knows she probably looks stupid, standing alone with her mouth hanging open in surprise, but it takes her a few moments to force herself to snap out of it.

She glances down at her body, trying to figure out whether there was evidence of her connection to Yellowjackets anywhere on her clothing. All she sees is her black coat, and she knows that all black attire isn't anything distinctive to their crew. After all, the other girl had been wearing the same thing.

She sets off again, trying to shake the feeling of unease as she goes. She brings her phone back out as she walks, pushing to the side how there's something about this whole thing that doesn't feel quite right, and focuses on unlocking the device and messaging Jackie to let her know that she's on her way.

She's distracted as she does so, her mind running through the conversation she'd just had, trying to figure out any part of the exchange that could've revealed who she was. She can't pinpoint anything, hadn't even given her name when she'd been asked for it, and while it shouldn't really matter when she wasn't going to see the girl again, she can't help but want an explanation.

How the fuck did the stranger know who she was?

~

The journey takes 15 minutes, the journey time shortened by the sharp words that Jackie had said to her when she rang her seconds after receiving the messages from the Captain. Holograph Jackie is about as intimidating as real life Jackie, small balled fists and fluffy hair cascading her shoulder, though Nat is at least relieved to know that the medic hadn't arrived yet either. Even if she doesn't intend to keep the medic as a permanent member of the crew, she isn't one for bad first impressions. Besides, she knows that this person means a lot to Tai, so she supposes at the very least she should be there to greet her when she arrives.

Well, she can't say that she wasn't there.

That brings her to now, with her own gun pressed against her temple.

Even if she can't turn around and assess the girl holding her hostage, she recognizes the voice of the girl from the alley, sounding just as unbothered and carefree as she did back then. Clearly, the unsettled feeling that Nat had felt had been warranted, though she'll admit, she hadn't got a potential hostage taker, murderer, vibe, from her. But then again, how much can you really know someone from a ten minute conversation?

She thinks back to warmth against her side, fingers pressing near her ribs as she'd fallen, and she guesses that the stranger must have managed to take her gun from her mid collision. But how had she known where to look, when it shouldn't have even been known that she had a weapon on her?

Her crew have their lasers out, pointing at the person holding Nat hostage. There's Jackie at the front, Shauna just behind her, and Nat guesses that Tai wasn't back from collecting their new medic yet, because she knows full well that her friend would have been front and center if she'd been there too.

The arm that's not holding the pistol wrapped across Nat's front, pressing the captain's back against her own chest, is loose. It's a warning that Nat would be stupid to try and squirm away, but the lack of conviction in her grip is cocky—she has no reason to brace her arms because there's no way her hostage would risk trying to break out of the situation. She simultaneously holds the gun like she's used to it, too casual with the weapon not to be, but also like she has no idea what it does, letting it slip slightly every so often.

See, on a physical level, Nat could break out of the hold, the arm limp and the hand that's clasped in a fist over her chest barely touching the fabric of her shirt. It'd be easy. She'd elbow this girl in the gut, grab the limb around her and twist it, until the positions were effectively swapped. But if it were Nat, the arm keeping her hostage would be braced tight.

But Nat knows that pressing a finger against a trigger would take less time than it would to do any of that. Even from their short interaction before, she already knows that the other girl is difficult to predict.

Nat feels shaking against her back, and she realizes that her captor is laughing at the sight of a dozen guns being pointed in her direction. Of course she is.

"What are your terms?" Jackie asks, not lowering her laser as she steps closer to the pair.

"Don't negotiate with her," Nat says with a huff, shutting her mouth abruptly when Jackie glares at her. It's a look that says ' Well, I don't see you coming up with any suggestions for getting out of this ' and while it's a valid point, Nat still isn't happy about it.

Despite the fact that there's cold metal being pressed against her temple, Nat can't help but be annoyed that Jackie is even considering negotiating with some rogue, while said rogue doesn't seem at all bothered about the unfamiliar crew surrounding her, or the fact that this could end very badly for her.

"Captain," Nat grits her teeth, realizing straight away that she's the one being addressed, the voice loud in her ear. She wills her foot to stay on the ground, instead of instinctively swinging back to kick this girl in the shin. "It's either we reach an agreement or you end up with a bullet through your temporal lobe."

She shuts her mouth abruptly. She's got a point. Still, she sulks, starting a soon to be extensive list of reasons she wants to elbow this girl in the ribs the second she has the opportunity to. Number one through seven address how nonchalant she is about anything, too confident and amused to take anything seriously, even when she's engaging in attempted murder. Not that Nat really thinks this girl has it in her to pull the trigger, but she supposes at this point she can't afford to make assumptions. That clearly hadn't gone well for this thus far.

"My request is a pretty simple one," The girl says, voice casual as if they were discussing the weather, and nothing more. Nat is almost offended that her kidnapping isn't considered a particularly exciting part of this girl's life. "I want to join your crew."

It's safe to say that no one expected that. Usually, the demands are related to money or something equally superficial, and while she can't say she's enjoying this, there was a part of Nat that was interested in knowing exactly how gold necklaces and jeweled bracelets her life is considered to be worth.

Despite the equally perplexed expressions on her crew mates faces, the request seems serious enough.

For a moment there's silence, Jackie, the self elected spokesperson unsure how to respond, which gives Nat the opportunity to share her deeply thought out, incredibly well articulated response, that would hopefully get her out of this situation unscathed.

"No way in fucking hell."

The blunt objection seems to surprise the girl, because she lets out a short, barking laugh in response.

"Natalie..." Jackie grits out, and Nat realizes that she must be near the end of her tether if she isn't referring to Nat by position, but by name.

She doesn't take her eyes off the person she's negotiating with, and Nat can almost see the thought cross her right hand girl's face, the proposition of maybe leaving Nat behind if she wants to compromise this rescue attempt so much.

Not that she ever would. Sure, Nat would be able to take over Nat's position should anything happen, and there's not a doubt in her mind that Jackie would make the lives of anyone who thought to abandon Nat hell. She'd do it for anyone, but Nat especially.

"Why exactly do you want to join our crew?"

"Would you believe me if I told you I've always wanted to see the stars up close?" The stranger replies, and it takes everything Nat has not to say something about telescopes. "How else am I going to get a place on the elusive Yellowjackets ?"

Clearly she's done her research, or at least recognized the emblem on their jackets. Though, this must have been planned, since she'd somehow known that they would be at the station at this time. Nat frowns, wondering if there's a rat on the ship who had leaked this information.

"Ever heard of an internship?" Nat mutters, getting a little fed up of having a gun pressed against the side of her head.

In retrospect, she probably should have kept her mouth shut.

She hears the vibration in her ear, the tell tale sign of the laser in her gun charging, and her eyes widen. The crew behind Jackie attempt to move closer, but the girl must shoot them a warning look, because they stop where they are. Nat can see Shauna coming almost in line with Jackie, face like thunder, angry in a way that she rarely is. Clearly pleased with the reaction she receives, the way Nat promptly shuts her mouth, albeit with a glare, the stranger discharges the laser once more.

"I don't think I was asking you, Captain ," The body behind her points out, the same taunting voice used when she says the title, like before.

Jackie's face betrays nothing, but when they get out of this, and Nat knows they will, she's sure that Jackie is going to teach her something about the proper way to behave during a hostage situation. She's pretty certain that making sarcastic comments isn't recommended. But that's a future Nat problem.

"You don't get to call me that," Nat replies shortly, careful not to anger the girl. "I'm not your fuckin' Captain, and I never will be."

She isn't dumb enough to risk turning her head to see, but she'd hazard a guess that the girl is frowning, because her voice sounds sad when she next speaks.

"Well, what am I supposed to say when you haven't told me your name?" The stranger asks innocently.

The statement clearly confuses the rest of the crew who don't know about the interaction that the two had previously. She risks a little shake of her head when Jackie shoots her a questioning look. Now probably isn't the best time to start explaining the trails this girl had already put her through that day.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. Here, I'll go first," she continues, and while it shouldn't really matter, Nat can't help but be a little interested in the identity of the girl. "I'm Charlotte Matthews. But Lottie, please."

Lottie Matthews .

Nat's frown somehow manages to deepen, her whole face scrunched up as if she were wincing due to the sun, but for once it's not out of annoyance, but more genuine confusion. For some reason she feels like she's heard the name before, the syllables feeling familiar to her as she mouths the name under her breath.

"Okay, Lottie," Jackie says eventually, with an expression on her face that Nat can't quite place. She looks as if she's thinking hard about something. "Can you give us a second to discuss?"

Lottie must nod, because the group are soon huddling together, some remaining facing their captive Captain, making sure nothing happens while their backs are turned. Lottie herself doesn't seem like she's in any rush to do anything, whistling as she stands with Nat laser pressed against the owner's temple.

Nat wonders whether she's just this carefree and laidback, or if she doesn't understand the seriousness of what's going on. Despite being sure that this Lottie had no concept of reality, there's no doubt that she handles herself with a confidence that shows she knows exactly what she's doing.

It's a new feeling for Nat to feel out of her depth, unable to predict someone's next moves, when she'd always prided herself in being one step in front of everyone else, since it was how she managed to get where she is at such a young age. She's realizing now that Lottie seems to be two steps, three steps, four steps ahead, circling back and lapping them, with an ease that can't be taught.

"Nice weather we're having," Lottie says after a few moments, and Nat doesn't know what that is, but assumes that she isn't looking for a response.

Jackie keeps glancing in her direction, even as she's leading the discussion with the rest of the crew, and Nat wishes she was telepathic. She'd probably start by apologizing for getting herself into this position, before insisting that she doesn't even think of accepting Lottie's request.

She can't say she'd rather die than have Lottie Matthews as a part of the Yellowjackets crew, because there's a chance it could become a reality if this goes wrong, but it's surely something close to that. She can't imagine Lottie would be one to follow her orders, or anyone's orders really. The thought alone makes Nat groan.

It's a risky move, but Nat doesn't regret it when her elbow makes contact with Lottie's rib cage. The force isn't enough to do anything, it won't even leave a bruise, and Lottie herself doesn't even seem bothered enough to make any move to reprimand her.

"Don't be like that," Lottie taunts, amused more than anything. "Didn't you miss me?"

"In the twenty minutes we were apart?" Nat responds dryly, willing her crewmates to finish their discussion quickly so she doesn't have to interact with Lottie any more than she already has. "How did you know that the whole time I was wishing you would come back and try to murder me?"

Lottie seems to like that answer, throwing her head back and laughing. It's not loud in her ear, but Nat feels it through her own body, as if it's her own.

"All the best friendships start with a murder attempt," Lottie explains, and Nat doesn't reply. "You don't want to talk?"

"Surely, you want to know how I stole your gun? Why I'm doing this?"

That gets Nat's attention, but she's also not willing to show that. Luckily, Lottie, like all good villains—which is what Nat has concluded she is—seems to enjoy monologuing, even when no one is asking her to.

"What did I tell you? I'm always paying attention," Lottie says. "Next time you want to hide that you've got a weapon on you, maybe don't use it to defrost your lunch."

Nat flushes. She hasn't realized that anyone had seen that, and knowing that Lottie had, of all people, makes her want to dig a hole and bury herself in it. At the same time, she kind of wants to bury Lottie in that hole instead, or at least shove the dirt in her mouth so she can't talk anymore.

"What if someone dangerous had spotted you?" Lottie asks, and Nat snorts. More dangerous than someone holding a laser to her head? "You know, there's much worse people out there than me, Natalie. You should be more careful."

"I'm always careful."

She's not even sure why she's even bothering to defend herself to someone like Lottie, but there's something about the assumption that she's careless that gets to her. She's spent her whole career thus far being meticulous in everything she does, more so now that one slip up could destroy everything that she's been building up in the past few years.

"So, I suppose you noticed the two guys that were following you ever since you flashed your expensive toy in the high street?" Nat falters at that, face going pale. "The same ones that were about to enter the alley way with you, before I crashed into you and they ran away?"

Suddenly, she remembers the fuss that Lottie had made when she'd first fallen, shouting loudly, before abruptly stopping a few moments later, as if nothing had happened at all. She realizes now that perhaps Lottie was trying to draw attention to the alley they were in, to ensure that the two men couldn't try anything, since Nat was no longer isolated, and there were witnesses around.

"And even on the way here, you weren't paying attention to your surroundings, even after having an interaction with a shifty person like myself."

She'd had multiple parties on her tail, and she hadn't noticed a single one. If it wasn't certain before, now she knows that Jackie is definitely going to kill her when this is all over.

"So, you're doing all this to teach me a lesson?" Nat asks incredulously, not believing for a second that Lottie is doing this for any reason other than to entertain herself.

Lottie shrugs.

"Humor me," Lottie continues, not answering Nat's question. "Aren't you even a little bit scared?"

She holds Nat tighter when Nat tries to turn her head to glare at her, tapping the pistol against Nat's head as a reminder that she's the one in control here. Unable to move anymore, Nat just shakes her head, and then the arm around her body moves until there's a fist on her chest, then the hand unfolds so the palm is placed directly over Nat's heart. For some reason, it makes Nat feel uneasy, almost more so than the weapon being held against her, as if Lottie could reach into her chest, rip her heart out, if she really wanted to.

"You sure?" Lottie leans closer then, talking so quietly that the rest of the crew couldn't have heard what she was saying even if they were paying attention. "Your heart's beating pretty fast..."

And it is, Nat can't deny it, but she also can't explain it.

"You wouldn't actually hurt me," Nat says, with a confidence that she doesn't have.

"And how can you possibly know that?" Lottie asks, sounding amused as usual. "How's your cut doing?"

It's a reminder that, really, she already had hurt Nat. Collateral damage, even if she hadn't made a single strike.

"It's cute that you think that's the only way I can hurt you," She continues, and she doesn't sound threatening exactly, but Nat has to fight to stop herself from shivering at the words. "Or that this," She moves the laser slightly. "Is the worst way I could hurt you."

Nat frowns, not really understanding what she means, but she keeps her mouth shut regardless. She reminds herself that, really, she has no idea what Lottie Matthews is capable of.

"Well, Lottie," Jackie says, the group finally breaking apart.

Nat perks up a little, or at least as much as she can given her current situation, hoping that this will wrap up quickly. She'd give anything to be back on Yellowjackets right now.

"If you let her go, I'm sure we can find a space for you on board."

Anything but that.

Jackie purposely doesn't look in Nat's direction, knowing the betrayed expression that will be sent her way. Nat can't think of anything worse.

"What do you think, Captain?" Lottie asks, and Nat grits her teeth at the sing-song voice. Lottie knows full well that really, it doesn't matter what Nat thinks. "Would you like me to join your crew?"

Nat is silent.

It should all be over then. Nat should be able to go back to Yellowjackets, lock herself in her office and pray by some miracle that Lottie Matthews gets into a freak accident involving the escape hatch and a pair of hands pushing her off the edge. It's a comforting thought.

"I'm honored by your enthusiasm," is the deadpan reply, and then Nat is letting out a small grunt when she's kicked in the back of her leg, forcing her to fall forward onto her knees with a thump.

She's starting to realize that Lottie Matthews is one for dramatics.

Absent-mindedly, she wonders if this is some sort of ironic playback for the times that she'd pretended to pray when she was a kid, sneaking one eye open and watching everyone else with curious eyes, trying not to laugh at the kid that always feels the need to whisper their prayer under her breath. Apparently the girl who constantly tries to steal Nat's allowance every month, is asking for forgiveness for wetting the bed the night before. Nat is pretty sure she'd never read the bible text about turning pee to prayer, as opposed to water to wine.

Then, she's not thinking, because there's a hand rough on her shoulder, the tapping of a barrel against her skull once more. It was embarrassing enough being restrained by someone like Lottie Matthews, but it's nothing compared to being on her knees in front of her, being forced to look up at her crew mates from the floor.

Opposite them, Jackie's eyes flash, her anger leaking through the calm facade that she'd kept up until now.

"We said you can have what you want," Jackie says, voice hard. "Why are you still doing this?"

"No offense, but why should I trust you guys?" Lottie responds. "How do I know that you aren't going to go back on your word and feed me to the stars the second I let Captain Hook over here, go?"

Nat doesn't know who that is, but she's fuming either way.

Aside from that, Lottie has a point. While it's ironic that Lottie is talking about trust and integrity it's true that there's nothing stopping them from getting Nat back, and then immediately handing Lottie over to the police. Nat wonders if that's what the plan was the whole time, because Jackie's eye twitches, her mouth flattening into a line.

"What do you want? Money?" Jackie asks, clearly growing impatient. Nat at least finds some comfort in the fact that she isn't the only one who feels like tearing her hair out after interacting with this girl for more than five minutes.

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Lottie asks, bluntly. "I'm going to need something from the Captain, for insurance."

Despite how she tries to conceal it, Jackie's face falls, as does the rest of the crew.

While Nat had suspected it before, it's becoming more clear that Lottie isn't from Pluto, and seems to have extensive knowledge of life on a space vessel. Though all vessels start at a planet port, they spend the majority of their time between planets, where there technically aren't any legally binding rules, or laws at all. Or at least, none established by a certain territory. This meant that there had to be a whole code, or law, made entirely for this context. It's not all that different to regular law, with a few additions. One such addition is the significance of objects as a token of loyalty or agreement.

Once you've given someone something as a representation of a promise, it's a gross blot on your character if you then go back on your word. It would be detrimental to show an untrustworthy streak, no matter your alliance. Despite their loyalties, a broken promise would not go down well with her crew members.

By making the Captain swear her loyalty, Lottie was ensuring that she had the highest bargaining chip possible, as since her position was established democratically, with the crew voting who to give the Captaincy to, they could also choose to take it away.

There's no way that they can somehow get out of the deal now, if the agreement is sealed by a token of trust. The fact that Lottie is clearly aware of these customs is almost impressive. Almost. The fact that she seems like an angel with no filter and an attitude problem that rivals her own is a big factor that makes Nat reluctant to give her any credit.

The hand on her shoulder disappears then, trailing across one shoulder and landing on the other, as Lottie walks around so she's standing in front of Nat, gun dropping slightly so it's aimed at the Captain's chest now. Nat continues to look straight forward. She wonders if Lottie Matthews can feel her heartbeat now, through the barrel of the gun, or if she was making it up in the first place.

Finally, she's able to look Lottie in the eye, though she kind of wishes she hadn't, because she's reminded that, oh yeah, she looks like that .

The golden skin she'd gotten used to seeing wrapped around her own chest, really does look better pressed over someone's entire body, and Lottie is practically glowing where she stands despite the lack of sun, a combination of amusement and arrogance that must come so naturally to her. Except Nat is not about to develop the most short term Stockholm syndrome to ever exist just because some girl looks good with a gun in her hand. Nat's gun, that is.

And then it's gone, tucked underneath Lottie's coat as if it was never there in the first place.

In her peripheral she can see Jackie's hands instinctively going to her belt, knowing that it'd be so easy to stab Lottie in the back, possibly literally, now that she's exposed and vulnerable, but a small, almost unnoticeable shake of the head by Nat's stops her in her tracks.

Really, Nat can't explain why she does that, why she doesn't let Jackie take her out, and end this experience finally, without needing to have Lottie join her crew after all. But there's something about it that doesn't sit well with her. She doesn't owe anything to a girl that had spent the past ten minutes holding Nat's own gun to her head, but she also can't think of anything more cowardly than attacking a girl when her back is turned.

Later Nat will go on some bullshit rant about integrity and keeping her word, to which Jackie will roll her eyes and bring up the last game of Uno they'd played together. Really, Jackie should have known that all sense of loyalty and integrity goes out of the window when it comes to Uno.

Nat can't say she really knows what's going on when the hand falls from her shoulder, and grabs one of Nat's hands that are clasped in a fist by her side. She holds Nat's hands up, so Nat is kneeling with one arm in the air, and peers closely at it, letting out a hum of satisfaction.

When Nat feels a thumb swiping across her knuckles, traveling across divots and the rings that adorn her fingers, she realizes that it's the jewelry that Lottie is interested in. Nat is mildly irritated at the idea of having to give some of her jewelry away, only because it's Lottie that will get to keep it.

And then her hand is dropped, and Lottie's gaze falls on Nat's chest. It's covered by material, but Nat already knows what she wants.

Her heart drops.

"What did I tell you? I'm always paying attention," Lottie says, seeing Nat's sour expression. "Don't worry, Natalie, it's just a loan until I feel like I can trust you guys. You'll get it back eventually."

She scowls.

"Isn't there anything else? You could have-" Jackie starts to say, but she cuts herself off when Nat shrugs her coat off, opens her jacket, and unpins what Lottie is looking for. Her hands are shaking from the sudden cold, and something else.

She holds it out in her palm, though clearly Lottie isn't satisfied with her presentation, forcing Nat to look up by tapping underneath her chin so she tilts her head up. It's not harsh, just a small tap, like the ones Jackie would give her when she got a bit too mouthy when it was just the two of them, but Nat still hisses at the contact.

The Captain's badge is made of pure gold, glitters like it too, but it isn't the material that makes it worth something. It's a status symbol, a sign of power, and even if the roles on board wouldn't technically change, just the presence of the badge says a lot more about you than words can.

"A proposal? We only just met."

When Lottie pins the badge to her shirt, Nat has to look away.

She sways slightly when she stands, unintentionally grabbing the closest thing to support herself before she topples over. Unfortunately for her, said thing is Lottie Matthews, who catches her easily enough, looking away from her new favorite accessory just in time to see a body lurching towards her. She braces her arms, her hands secure on Nat's hips, while Nat steadies herself by gripping onto Lottie's shoulders. Not this again .

Lottie raises an eyebrow.

"Space sick, Natalie?" Lottie asks lightly.

Nat practically grumbles at her in response, pushing her away with a disgusted look.

She's still muttering darkly as she makes her way over to Jackie, the tension in her body visibly disappearing when she's able to get her hands on Nat. It's only when she's confirmed that she's still in one piece, and inspected the cut on her face that she lets the Captain go again. She keeps an arm around her shoulder all the same, still eyeing Lottie with apprehension. Her gaze sweeps across Lottie's face again, still confused by the fact that the girl in front of her looks so familiar.

Lottie just stands there, smiling like she hadn't done anything wrong, and then suddenly, her whole face lights up.

It's a change from the teasing smile that Nat is used to seeing, the grin taking up her whole face, fangs showing when she smiles. It's less harsh, more childlike, and Nat looks down when she feels her chest immediately tighten. The oxygen level on Pluto is usually well regulated, so she doesn't know what that's about. She looks around at the rest of the crew, wondering if anyone else is suddenly having trouble breathing, but no one seems to be struggling in the same way.

She's never been space sick before, but there's a first time for everything.

Curious about what could be making Lottie smile so much, Nat follows her line of sight, until it falls on a familiar face. Tai. When she reaches the group, she comes to a stop next to Jackie and Nat, an exasperated expression on her face when she addresses their newest addition to the crew.

She doesn't look impressed, arms folded across her chest, and even though she's shorter than the girl she's staring at, she looks kind of scary with her eyebrows knitted together, jaw clenched more tightly than usual.

"Lottie Matthews," She says, sounding shockingly calm, while Nat feels her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. "You've been here five minutes, and you've already tried to murder our Captain."

Despite her words, there doesn't seem to be any real animosity between the two. Tai's body is relaxed, clearly unthreatened by Lottie, but Nat still doesn't like the fact that the latter still has Nat's laser on her person. As far as she knows, Tai isn't carrying anything. Jackie and Shauna seem to have the same thought, exchanging a look, before pulling their lasers back out again. Not aiming them, but making them easier to access should they need to intervene.

"You know me," Lottie says, taking a step closer to Tai, who does the same. "I wanted to make a good first impression."

Tai scoffs at that, finally dropping her arms, before reaching up towards Lottie's face. Nat holds her breath, ready to step between them if Lottie tries anything, but she finds that she's frozen when Tai pauses, hand inches from Lottie's face, before grabbing Lottie's right ear and twisting it.

Lottie whines as Nat uses her grip to spin her around, until the two of them are facing the Captain and the rest of the crew.

Nat exchanges a confused glance with Jackie, who just shrugs.

"You idiot," Tai mutters, though Nat doesn't miss how she gently rubs at the red skin of Lottie's ear before moving her hand away. She sighs, shaking her head at the girl next to her, who nurses her ear with a frown.

Suddenly, Lottie doesn't look even a fraction like the girl that had held her at laser-point, intimidating eyebrows no longer raises mockingly, and now tied together as she frowns sadly, clearly feeling sorry for herself. Meanwhile, Tai sighs, taking in the sea of confusion and panic being directed towards her. She raises an eyebrow when she finally looks at Nat properly, noticing the dried blood on her face.

"What the fuck did you do?" Tai asks, and Nat gawps at her.

This has to be a joke. Tai is standing centimeters away from a girl that had just tried to kill her, and then extorted her, and she's asking Nat what she's done.

"I told her she'd need it bandaged," Lottie says casually, boredly kicking the end of one boot with the heel of the other.

"Again, what do you know about medicine?" Nat snaps, turning on Lottie suddenly, feeling more brave now that Lottie is further away from her. Even though she doesn't understand how she and Tai know each other, she has a feeling that Lottie wouldn't try anything now, now if Tai could end up as collateral damage.

The other girl looks up, but instead of being caught off guard, she seems pleased to have gotten this reaction.

"Clearly, I can't trust you to have my wellbeing at the forefront of your mind,"

And then Lottie laughs, so hard that she throws her whole body back. Tai smiles sheepishly, hand scratching at the back of her neck as she tries to avoid eye contact with Nat.

"That's where you're wrong, Nat. Your wellbeing is my number one priority," Lottie replies seriously, and Nat just scoffs.

Nat decides that it's best to just ignore her.

"Tai, what the fuck is going on?" Nat asks, trying to ignore the headache that she can feel starting to creep in. "How do you know this..."

She struggles to find the words to describe her. In the end she just waves her hands in Lottie's direction, the girl still chuckling to herself. Tai places a hand on Lottie's shoulder and Nat narrows her eyes at the hand, how it rests on the fabric of Lottie's coat so casually, and then moves her glare to Lottie's face.

To her right, Jackie, who had been seemingly lost in thought for a few moments, staring intently at the stranger in front of her, suddenly curses. It draws Nat's attention to the girl, who finally puts her laser away. Nat is confused as to why she longer seems to see any threat in the current situation, as if anything, there's more danger in the way that Lottie had laughed almost manically.

“You might want to rethink what you were saying about this girl's medical knowledge,” Jackie says dryly, and Lottie's face lights up at that, almost preening at the compliment.

"I have proof of my credentials if you want them, Captain," Lottie says, voice dripping with an innocence that Nat knows full well doesn't fit her.

The latter doesn't respond, but Lottie slightly unzips her coat, bringing out an ID card. It's not dissimilar to the one that the crew members carry, identifying themselves as a member of Yellowjackets. Not all professions have the need to carry about such identification, but those who have specialist jobs that require access to usually off-bounds areas, or have certain credentials, are often equipped with a proof of occupation. The one in Lottie's hand is red, as opposed to Yellowjacket's yellow, and Nat struggles to conceal her surprise, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

Begrudgingly, she takes the card from Lottie when she hands it to her.

"How do you have one of these?" Nat asks incredulously, narrowing her eyes first at the card in her hand, and then the person in question.

Lottie shrugs, casual when she responds.

"It was pretty easy, actually. It only took five years of college, two years of training, three years of residency, and countless unpaid internships and volunteering hours."

Nat shakes her head in disbelief. She tilts the card slightly, seeing the holographic stamp shift in the light, showing that the ID is as legitimate as they come.

"I guess she has heard of an internship then," Shauna points out unhelpfully, falling silent when Nat glares at her.

Lottie just nods, a pleased grin on her face when she steps forward, snatching the card back from Nat's hands before she can study it any closer. How is it possible that Lottie Matthews, the same girl that had just held her at gunpoint and threatened to kill her, had managed to get herself a medical license?

"And to answer your other question, I'd say I know quite a bit about medicine."

"Alright, leave her alone," Tai interrupts. "I think she gets it."

Nat most certainly doesn't get it. She meets Lottie's eye, the only one who seems to notice that Nat still seems completely in the dark about the situation. She relishes the confusion, eyes glinting as she stares.

"I guess everyone already knows her, since this one can't help but make a scene wherever she goes," Tai continues, gesturing to Lottie, who doesn't look away from Nat. Come on, you're almost there. "This is Lottie, my childhood friend."

Nat's entire face scrunches up in confusion. She hadn't been expecting that, and it takes a second for her to process what that really means. Realization sets in at the same as the horror that floods through her body. Surely, this must be some sort of a joke.

"Lottie is Yellowjackets' new medic."

Tai has the nerve to look sheepish.

At that moment, Nat has many thoughts. A lot that she can't repeat, a lot that can't be translated, but that's mostly because the feeling of panic, the sound of alarm bells, is hard to put into words, as everything feels like it's been tipped upside down.

Lottie Matthews is going to be responsible for her well being.

This can't end well.

~

Nat hates this.

Getting through the spaceport is relatively painless. Nat feels her muscles relax a little when she sees Yellowjackets, hovering above the platform, sighing a breath of relief when she steps on board and finally feels like she's home. Because, to her, that's what Yellowjackets is.

Nat had known from the beginning that Yellowjackets was the ship that she was meant to be Captain of, and even from the start, she was determined to make that a reality. All stories start with a beginning, and Nat looks like endless corridors to sweep, hands raw from gripping a mop for 8 hours a day, being ignored by the higher members of the crew, the self proclaimed proper members, who never gave her a second glance. It was all worth it though, for the times she would sneak into the control room on the nights that the navigator's assistant, Van Palmer, was the only one on duty. Sometimes, Nat would stand at the helm of the ship, hold the controls in her hands—with Van's watchful eye—and imagine what it would be like to do this forever. Years later, she learns.

Nat has never felt homesick, never felt the urge to go back to the place that she'd tried her whole life to escape, but she thinks this must be close to it; The familiar thud when her feet hit the decking, the calm hum underfoot.

She's about to carry on walking when she feels something digging into her side, and when she looks over, Jackie is giving her a pointed look, gesturing behind them. Nat follows the pointing of her finger, and scowls.

Nat had agreed to move the conversation onto Yellowjackets after a tense attempt to work out whether Lottie would still be allowed to join the crew, despite the stunt she pulled, which had ended in a stalemate. Nat and Jackie had voted no, Tai and Lottie yes—though really, she shouldn't have had a vote, anyway—and Shauna had cited difficulty in making a decision, due to lack of evidence.

("Open your coat," Nat demands, making Lottie snort.

"Bit forward, don't you think?"

But she does it anyway, smirking at the way Nat glares at the Yellowjackets emblem on her chest. She's surprised when Nat comes up close to her, but still, she's relaxed when Nat's hands dig brush against her sides, touch light, before Nat spins around again, this time with her laser gun in her hand.

It's still warm from when Lottie had become trigger happy a few moments before, and Nat walks back to Shauna, forcing her to take it in her hands.

"There's your evidence.")

Nat had reluctantly agreed to move the exchange onto the ship, only so that Laura Lee and Van could be involved in the conversation too. Still, she wasn't happy about it, and it was up to her, Lottie would be staying as far away from Yellowjackets as possible. Which is why Jackie's silent suggestion is the last action she wants to be taking right now, making her pull a face.

Looking behind them, she sees that Lottie and Tai are approaching the ship, arm in arm, and chattering non stop, like they had been the whole journey. She and Jackie both know that Tai wouldn't have a problem breaching the gap between the platform and the ship, having done so a hundred times, and it soon becomes clear that Jackie is motioning for her to help Lottie up. She's about to argue, an excuse on the tip of her tongue, but she pushes it back down when she sees how exhausted Jackie looks. The last thing she expected to deal with today was an attempted hostage of their captain, and her best friend, and Nat sighs, letting it go. For Jackie's sake, she'll play nice.

She hates the thought of Lottie on Yellowjackets. It's petty, she knows, but if the ship is her home, Lottie is a stranger on the doorstep, and Nat doesn't want to let her. Even looking like she does, the flowers in Lottie's hands turn not to dust, but to gunpowder when she steps over the threshold, and Nat can't help but think that Lottie stepping onto Yellowjackets, is the beginning of the end.

She steps to the edge of the ship, scowling already set on Lottie, ready to call out for the pair to hurry up. Before she can, she notices that the girl isn't even looking at her. Lottie is always paying attention, until she isn't.

Lottie's beginning looks like this.

It looks almost childlike wonder, wide eyes, head moving side to side, so she doesn't miss anything. Lottie looks at Yellowjackets like she's never seen a spaceship like this before, and Nat belatedly realizes that she probably hasn't.

Next to her, Jackie steps forward and opens her mouth to shout, ready to interrupt, but Nat finds herself holding her hand out to stop her, shaking her head. Her first mate doesn't push for an explanation, but she does give Nat a strange look, before following her line of sight to their potential new medic.

Oh . So that's what this is about.

Tai had mentioned that her friend hadn't been on a spacecraft before, had never flown anywhere before, and by extension wouldn't have seen a ship of this scale before now. Nat can't imagine going so long without getting a taste of this, having known since she was a kid that she wanted to live her life as close to the stars as she could get, even if she didn't know how to make that a possibility. Watching Lottie take it in a fraction of it for the first time, craning her neck to see more of Yellowjackets when they start getting closer, Nat feels a tug of pride for her ship. And something else.

Nat looks at Lottie and sees the beginning of an end, flowers wilted, and Lottie looks at her, sees a means to an end, thorns poisoned, but neither of them realize that some things don't have to be beautiful or painless, it's enough for them to just bloom.

Nat hates the thought of Lottie on Yellowjackets, but she thinks she hates this a little more—the feeling of familiarity she gets, the empathy she feels, watching Lottie have a beginning. She feels like she shouldn't be looking, dragging her gaze away, and landing on Tai, who's looking up at her knowingly, like she knows exactly what Nat is thinking.

She clears her throat, schooling her face into a bored look, and holding her hand out when the pair reach the edge of the platform.

Lottie looks surprised at the offering, then amused, and Nat waits for the inevitable snarky comment, braces herself to feel Lottie's skin against her, and hopes that she won't flinch from the touch. It never comes, because one second, Lottie is looking up at Nat, and the next she's right in front of her, landing so close that Nat is forced to take a step back, narrowly avoiding stepping on Jackie's toes.

"Thanks, anyway," Lottie says after ignoring the help offered to her, and Nat has to fight the urge to push Lottie backwards and over the edge when she reaches up a hand and ruffles her hair, before pushing past Nat, forcing the captain to turn her body suddenly to the side so Lottie doesn't collide with her.

Nat blinks and she's back in the alleyway, slamming her shoulder against a stranger who refuses to not be seen, and something tells her that she should've known from then, that some people get under your skin, and decide to stay there. She had no idea what hit her then, not literally, not figuratively, but watching Lottie walk away, Nat has a feeling she never will.

There's a thud behind her, Tai following suit and embarking onto Yellowjackets, and she claps Nat hard on the back when she goes past, this time making her actually tumble into Jackie. Tai getting an accomplice wasn't going to end well for her.

"Watch it, Nat," Jackie snaps, though there's no malice there, despite the fact that she whacks Nat on the chest when she goes past, leaving Nat behind to splutter, before running to catch up.

The main foyer of Yellowjackets is fairly quiet when they get there, though there are a few groups of people scattered around, some sitting in the lounge area, others talking as they walk through to get somewhere else.

When the ship is docked, there isn't a lot to do, since they aren't flying anywhere, and the cargo doesn't need to be offloaded until they reach their destination planet. Most people take their time docked as a well needed break, taking the opportunity to stretch their legs, or have some down time before things get hectic again in a few days.

Those that are in the foyer fall quiet when the group enter, before hushed conversations start up again. It's partly due to the presence of the Captain that they keep their voices low, but Nat can imagine it also has something to do with the unfamiliar face amongst them. Despite wearing the same uniform as everyone else, Lottie stands out, and Nat doesn't want to think too hard about the reasons behind that, or why she understands them.

See, they had known they were getting a new medic, they'd all said goodbye to Mari Ibarra when she'd left, but they hadn't known that she would be like this. Or more so, it would look like this.

Nat is relieved when she spots two figures heading towards them, since she'd rather not search the whole ship for Van and Laura Lee, while having every person they encounter gawp at Lottie. Van immediately zeroes in on the blood on Nat's face, concern covering the curiosity on her face, but she doesn't say anything when Nat shoots her a look. Not now.

"So, this is our new crew member," Van comments, once the pair reach the group of four, and she reaches out to shake Lottie's hand. She frowns when she feels Nat's heavy scowl directed towards her, faltering when the captain steps in the way before Lottie can accept the gesture.

She knows she's being childish, and later she'll apologize to Van for it, but for now, she can't help herself. Van looks between the two, Nat with her face stern, arms folded across her body and Lottie rolling her eyes at her behavior, and then her eyes land on Nat's captain badge on Lottie's chest. Her eyebrows raise in surprise, recognition appearing on her face. She scratches her neck awkwardly, looking around, before motioning for Nat to come closer to her.

"Uh, Nat?" Van asks carefully, low so the rest of the crew that are gawking can't hear her. "If you're intending to bring a friend on board when we stop off, could you let us know in the future?"

It takes a second for Nat to understand the implication behind her words, but when she does, her face twists. God, no .

Lottie laughs, while Nat just looks horrified. It wasn't uncommon for people to bring company on board, especially captains, since no one could argue against them, that wasn't Nat. And it certainly wasn't Nat and Lottie.

She tries to stay calm, aware of the eyes watching her, but clearly, Lottie has other ideas, throwing her gunpowder all over the situation.

"Oh no, you've got it all wrong," Lottie says with a smirk. "I had your Captain on her knees for me. "

Jesus Christ. Van looks like she wants the ground to swallow her up, and Nat can't help but agree, because Lottie has no concept of talking quietly. Though, Nat figures by the smirk on Lottie's face when the whispers grow louder, that Lottie knows exactly what she's doing.

"This is Lottie Matthews," Nat grits out, raising her voice slightly, causing the chatter to die down. "She's not my..." She struggles to even say the word.

" Friend? " Lottie interjects, faux innocence dripping from her voice.

Nat almost gags at the thought

"Lottie is the new medic." Laura Lee flushes, turning towards Lottie to apologize for Van, but Nat continues before any words can be exchanged. "This is also the girl who held me at gunpoint, and tried to kill me."

Van shuts her mouth abruptly. There's a pregnant pause, as the rest of the crew falls silent, holding their breath. Some of them eye Lottie with suspicion, while others seem more interested than before, curious how this girl was still allowed to stand so close to Nat, if that were the case. Nat was a fair Captain, but there were certain things that were surely dealbreakers.

"Okay..." Van eventually says, looking between the two in confusion. Lottie just shrugs her shoulders, and for a girl who just attempted to murder her future boss, she doesn't seem particularly fazed. Usually, people at least start their jobs before fantasizing about doing that. "Did you deserve it, though?"

Clearly, that was the wrong thing to say. Lottie laughs again, and the crew starts up. And clearly, this wasn't that place to say it.

With a grunt, Nat puts her hand on Lottie's shoulder and starts pushing her out of the foyer. She's probably rougher than she needs to be, but Lottie seems to find her annoyance amusing more than anything, initially dragging her feet, before walking willingly. Nat can't bring herself to take Lottie all the way to her office, not wanting to be alone with her for that long, and she breathes a sigh of relief when she spots one of their meeting rooms, pushing the door so aggressively that it hits the wall when it flies open.

"Do I even want to follow them in there?" Van asks, confused when Tai lightly hits her on the side of her shoulder, before setting off to follow behind the pair.

She's not convinced that Nat won't try and throw Lottie overboard if left alone for more than five minutes. Even if their windows don't open, and her friend would be falling into concrete, not comets, Tai figures that if anyone can do it, it'll be Nat.

It's not long before the same group from a few weeks ago is congregated once again, but this time the topic of conversation is with them, seemingly unbothered by the apprehensive looks being thrown in her direction. It's safe to say that their new medic certainly wasn't what they were expecting.

When the door falls shut behind the last person, Nat takes a brief pause to collect herself. She's going to be professional about this.

"There is absolutely no way that she is becoming our new medic."

She tried.

It doesn't take long to update Tai and Van on what had happened, though Nat makes a point to leave out the part where she and Lottie had met before the hostage attempt had taken place, not quite sure that she wants to admit her own failings in the situation. If Lottie notices, she doesn't seem to care, answering the questions directed at her calmly, until the crew are fully up to date.

"What about the reason you're in that state?" Van asks Nat, who is offended for a second, before remembering that her face looks a bit of a state.

The cut is no longer bleeding, but covered in dried blood, and Nat feels Lottie's handkerchief burning a hole in Nat's pocket, a fragment of the story that she for some reason wants to keep to herself. Well, really, she knows the reason.

Lottie is already looking at her when Nat looks at her, but she doesn't seem in a rush to explain anything either.

"I tripped," Nat eventually says, laughing weakly at the abuse she gets in response. She avoids Jackie's suspicious gaze, looking away before the guilt can appear on her face, and when she looks at Lottie again, she's got her lips pursed, but keeps her mouth shut.

It makes her uneasy to feel like she owes Lottie, even the slightest bit, and it feels worse to be keeping things from her crew members. Especially Jackie, who is the only one that seems just as concerned as Nat is about Lottie's presence on the ship, and her enrollment into the crew.

"I promise you can trust her," Tai argues, moving on with the conversation, and Nat almost laughs in disbelief.

She can't help but wonder what exactly was so special about Lottie Matthews that made Tai so fiercely loyal towards her. Tai had said that they'd met on holiday, had stayed in touch since, but Nat can't imagine ever getting close enough to someone in two weeks, to defend them the way Tai defends Lottie.

"Are we missing the part when she tried to kill me?"

"You're still hung up on that?"

Nat thinks she must be losing her mind.

"It literally just happened!"

"I don't get it," Shauna joins in, turning to Lottie. "If you already had a place on Yellowjackets, why did you use Nat as a bargaining chip to get in? Why did you hold her hostage at all?"

She's got a point. Lottie's request for the release of her hostage was to have a place in the crew of Yellowjackets, but she already had a position there already, making the request redundant. If anything, she had put herself in a worse position, as holding your new boss hostage and threatening her life, probably isn't the best way to introduce yourself. Although, supposedly it's best to start as you mean to carry on. Nat shudders at the thought of what carrying on must mean in this context.

"Figured it would give me some extra job security," Lottie jokes. "You know, if I get hired twice."

It's such a stupid reasoning, that it's almost believable.

"I don't think this is a good idea," Jackie says eventually, from her position leaning against the wall. She's addressing them all, but her gaze is directed at Lottie, who stares back, seemingly unbothered.

Nat will admit that she's almost impressed that the girl doesn't immediately look away, standing her ground, even when Jackie narrows her eyes at her. There are only a few times that Jackie has been mad at Nat, all of them being instances where Nat had done something reckless without thinking, but it wasn't something that she ever wanted to experience. Jackie is scary when she's angry, scarier when she's disappointed.

"I don't trust her."

But she's the scariest when she's protective.

Lottie doesn't look offended, really, it'd be hypocritical if she was, but Jackie next to her clearly is. Nat almost feels bad for her, knowing how hard she had worked to get them to give Lottie a chance in the first place.

"She wouldn't have actually done anything to Nat," Tai reassures them, looking at Lottie and motioning for her to confirm the statement.

Lottie hesitates a second too long, and Jackie throws her hands in the air - 'you see!'

"To be fair, attempted murder doesn't technically breach our code of conduct," Van points out, thoughtfully. She looks pointedly at Nat.

"Oh, my bad," Nat replies sarcastically. "I just didn't think it was necessary to add a clause about how murdering your fellow crew member is huge fucking no."

"Yet, you have one about banning non-biodegradable makeup wipes," Shauna says under her breath.

Nat presses her lips together. Excuse her for trying to make the crew of Yellowjackets more environmentally conscious. After all, if everything they eject for the shuttle goes into the Universe, they need to be aware of exactly what they're contributing to it.

"To be fair, they are really bad for the universe's ecosystem," Lottie points out, and Nat finds herself nodding, before realizing who she's agreeing with.

"As much as I care about the environment too, can we get back on track?" Jackie interjects. "My role as first mate is to make sure the decisions we make are in the best interests of the Captain and crew," Tai opens her mouth to argue. "And above that, my role as co-captain is to protect Nat no matter what."

Tai's expression softens that.

"I get that, you know I'd rather die than let anything happen to Nat," She does know, really they all know. It just never has to be said. "But Lottie is family too."

For the first time, Nat feels unsure, and even Jackie looks taken aback, whatever reply she had disappearing from her mouth. The word hangs in the air in front of them— family . Nat knows a lot about losing blood, but she knows a little more about choosing it. She watches family slip through her fingers, falling to the floor and smashing into pieces, but it isn't until she's a little older that blood turns to grease on a hotwired vehicle, sweat from loading cargo, powder no one talks about out loud. There's a gap in Nat's view of family, a stilt in the conversation that no one thought to have with her, even if she desperately needed it. She looks at the group around her, the new definition, and doesn't know what to say.

"Lottie," Tai says suddenly. "Apologize to Nat."

Nat rolls her eyes. She's been through this already, and she can already tell this attempt isn't going to go much better, when the guilty party looks less than impressed. She sighs when Tai looks at her desperately, hard expression melting a little. Nat has a feeling that she's not the only one who had to redefine family.

Turning to the Captain properly now, instead of addressing the whole group, Lottie's gaze feels heavy now that it's solely focused on her. Nat doesn't falter under the weight of it, and Lottie seems to like that, a small smile playing on her lips, before it's gone again.

"I apologize for holding you hostage and threatening your life," Lottie says, sounding the furthest from sorry that she could possibly be. Her tone makes Tai elbow her in the side. "I'm really sorry."

Nat doesn't buy it for a second, but she supposes it's about as good as she's going to get. Lottie doesn't seem like the type for heart to hearts, a permanent smirk on her face, and Nat for one would rather accept the shoddy attempt at an apology, instead of prolonging the conversation.

There is one thing bothering her, though.

"You're sorry..." Nat starts expectantly, waving her hand for Lottie to continue.

Lottie tongues the inside of her cheek, understanding straight away what Nat wants to hear. Usually, she hates doing this, cringes at the very idea of coming across as one of the pompous idiots that she'd had to suck up to when working her way up to where she is now- " That's Captain to you ," they'd say, while Nat thought of every other word she could put in its place. Nat learnt respect in the nighttime—sitting on the sidewalk at sixteen, hands on the steering wheel at nineteen—and more than that, she learnt that to have it, is to earn it.

The word doesn't mean anything, not by itself, but Nat still wants to hear Lottie say it. She may wear the title on her chest, but Nat has met plenty of people who did the same without knowing the first thing about what it meant to be one.

"I'm sorry, Captain ," Lottie grits out, and Nat nods in satisfaction. That's better.

"Just trust me on this one," Tai says, an echo of the words she had said when she'd first convinced Nat to give Lottie a chance.

She looks at Lottie, the other girl meeting her eye with a confidence that never seems to run out. In any other context, Nat would find it admirable, the way the other girl carries herself like she holds the whole Universe. Now, all it does is irritate her, makes her feel trapped between the palms of a girl that she doesn't even know.

"I don't like you." Lottie nods.

"Okay."

"And I don't trust you." Lottie shrugs.

"Understandable."

"But I'm going to give you a chance. Don't blow it." Lottie smiles.

"Aye, aye, Captain."

Seeing Nat's face, Lottie laughs. She looked confused, glancing around to see if anyone else had understood what Lottie had just said. They look just as lost, and she frowns. Had she just been insulted?

"You know, pirates?" Lottie is met with identical blank stares. She shakes her head, seemingly disappointed. "Okay, wow. I have so much to teach you guys."

Nat shivers at the thought.

"Okay, well before any of that happens, why don't we get that sorted?" Jackie interrupts, nodding towards Nat, who pales a little, when she realizes that Lottie is the one that's going to have to fix her up.

"Surely, there's gotta be someone else," Nat says, half-heartedly, knowing that no one else is going to take pity on her and clean her up.

When she was younger it had been Jackie, armed with a first aid kit, patching her up with all the grace of a girl woken up at one in the morning, but she doubts that she's going to get any such treatment now. She'd take Jackie, cheap antiseptic wipe in one hand, beer bottle in another, over Lottie, well equipped and sober. Even if technically she'd given Lottie the green light, she'd rather limit their interaction as much as possible. Especially today.

"I'll take anyone else."

Lottie makes a noise, sounding offended, but Nat makes a point of not looking in her direction. Maybe if she pretends she isn't there, Lottie will just disappear into thin air.

"You'll take anyone?" Tai asks, and Nat nods. "Even Misty?"

Nat abruptly shuts her mouth. Never mind.

"As I always say; Not feeling great? Just amputate." Misty supplies cheerfully, making the rest of the room groan.

Van starts to laugh, not because it was funny but because it was stupid, but she quickly cuts herself off when she realizes that no one else seems to find it particularly funny. She trails off, 'really?', and the rest of the group just nod, some of them wincing. Van's silent, before her face lights up in sudden recognition, snapping her fingers as she remembers something.

"Aren't you the girl that almost cut off one of the crew members' ears when they came to you complaining of an earache?" She asks, and Misty shoots a look of betrayal in Van's direction, who had obviously been the grass.

"I thought it'd be a statement. Van Gogh style, if you know."

Nat will admit that she doesn't know a lot about fashion, and she can't say she's ever heard of the 'Van Gogh' trend, but she supposes that the culture where Van is from must be more different to her own than she first thought. Van has both ears, so Nat supposes it wasn't a trend that Van had chosen to partake in.

The crew looks at her blankly, even Tai not knowing what Van is talking about, and for the first time, she seems to falter.

"Wait, you guys seriously don't know about Van Gogh?" Lottie butts in, filling the silence in the room.

Oh, right. Lottie is from Earth.

It hadn't really clicked until she'd said it, but really, it seems obvious now. It's the little things that Lottie had been saying all day that Nat hadn't recognized, the way she obviously wasn't a native of Pluto with the tanned skin suggesting she was from a planet fairly close to the sun or some other star. Tai had mentioned it before, it was one of the reasons it had seemed like such a good idea to hire Lottie, but it's only now that Nat is able to connect the two characters.

So, this is what Earth people look like. She doesn't want to think too hard about what exactly this means.

"Just let her do her job, Captain," Shauna says tiredly. When Nat makes no move to head towards the infirmary, still eying Lottie suspiciously, she sighs. " Now , Natalie."

Nat bites her tongue, before motioning for Lottie to follow her, muttering for the newest addition to Yellowjackets to follow her out.

"Aye, aye, Captain," Lottie repeats, catching up quickly and walking next to her, so close that their hands brush.

Nat's eye twitches.

This is going to be a long mission.

~

Located in the East wing of Yellowjackets, the ship's infirmary isn't the biggest, though really, it doesn't have to be. Life on Yellowjackets isn't necessarily a dangerous one. The job of the on-ship medic is more to treat non-life threatening illness or injury—sprains and fractures, unfortunate bouts of food poisoning, the type of thing that wouldn't require particularly complex procedures, which is reflected in the resources they have. It's just a few beds, a wall of cabinets, and a hallway leading to the medics office.

Lottie is quick to start searching for the equipment she needs from the cabinets across the far wall, gesturing for Nat to take a seat on the edge of one of the beds while she does so. Nat hesitates.

Truth be told, Nat doesn't like the place. Luckily she's never had to spend much time there. When Misty had been acting medic, she made a point to come every day, just to make sure nothing had gone seriously wrong, but other than that, her experience with the place was limited to having a few cuts and grazes cleaned, or to visit someone else.

Still, to her, any time spent there is too much time.

Luckily, it doesn't take long for Lottie to find what she needs, and then she's back, items in the crook of her arm, damp towel in her hand. Nat remains standing where she left her, and Lottie throws the items—a bottle of something, cotton roll and bandages—on the bed behind her. She gestures again for Nat to take a seat, sighing when she refuses to.

"You're worse than some of my kids."

Lottie says it fondly, and until that moment, Nat had forgotten that Lottie not only has a medical license, but is a pediatric doctor of all things, and the reminder makes her feel even more on edge. It's a touch of déjà vu, a callback to simplified explanations and attempts to soften the blow, but really, nothing insulates an explosion like that .

Nat figures it isn't easy to do the job, to deal with children that don't know how to explain how they feel, parents that don't know what to do, and even more so, she can't imagine the girl in front of her to be able to do it. She can't imagine Lottie softening her voice into anything other than a sly whisper, being gentle with her touches except to lull you into a false sense of security. She doesn't look dangerous now, with her hands , disappointed looking in her face, but looks can be deceiving.

Lottie proves that in every possible way.

The halo effect says that we consider attractive people to be kinder, smarter, better just because of their appearance, and in that case it must work the other way around too. Bad people shouldn't look as good as Lottie Matthews. But then again, Nat has a feeling that Lottie Matthews makes a point of breaking every rule that she can find.

"Listen Natalie, I know you don't trust me much," Nat makes a face. "Or at all. But the sooner you let me do this, the sooner you can leave."

A part of Nat wants to continue being difficult, make Lottie's life harder just to be petty, but at the same time, the doctor has a point. The sooner this is taken care of, the sooner she can get out of here, and hopefully avoid Lottie for the rest of the time period that she's on the ship with them.

Eventually, Nat sits down, albeit with an annoyed huff, and Lottie reaches for the towel slung over her arm.

"Thank you," Lottie says, and Nat chooses not to acknowledge it, leaning back on her hands, and looking up at where Lottie stands. "Chin up, Captain."

She seems pleased when Nat follows her request without complaint, and while the towel she presses against the cut is cold against her skin, Lottie is surprisingly gentle when she wipes away the dried blood.

The hand lightly holding Nat's jaw is a juxtaposition to the careless hands on the cocky stranger before, the fingers that had dug into her shoulder and held her in place, the harsh press against the cut when it had first happened. That person had moved like she didn't care what nerves she stepped on, what bruises she left behind.

She guesses she was wrong about Lottie being softer with her movements. It's a different type of relaxed, a different type of control. Because the stranger from before had Nat on strings that she could pull and twist, however she's pleased to make Nat dance, while the Lottie of right now has steady hands that hold Nat steady, suspended. But not trapped.

Lottie is concentrating on the cut, and Nat takes the opportunity to look at her for a second, trying to figure out why she's suddenly acting like she cares about her well being. She gets that it was technically her job now, and even if she'd promised not to hurt Nat, it's not like she has to play nice when they're the only two there.

When she moves away from Nat, the latter finds her body stationary, the strings no longer taunt, but her eyes following Lottie's movements by choice. She isn't really sure why.

"This will sting a little," Lottie warns her, picking up one of the bottles, shaking it, and uncapping it. Nat can tell what it is, without it being explained.

She hates the smell, hates the feeling. It reminds her of when she was a teenager, constantly in scraps that she had no business being involved in, fights she had no business starting, because back then it had made her feel something close to invincible, even if she had left the streets with her fists stinging.

Nat watches as Lottie pours the antiseptic onto the cotton wool, though she furrows her brow when Lottie doesn't immediately hold it against her skin. It's not until the Captain confirms that she's ready, with a stiff jut of her chin, that Lottie moves forward, humming in sympathy when Nat can't help but wince at the slight burning sensation.

"I know, just give it a second."

So, Nat gives it a second.

She takes it to think back to all the times she would come home and nurse her cuts herself until Jackie had come into her life and taken over, how she had stood staring in the mirror above the sink, and not recognized the person looking back at her. Not because of the bruises kissing her cheekbones, but the stinging in her eyes, that she always blamed on the strong smell of antiseptic invading the tiny bathroom. And then it'd be gone, blinked away with the wipe of a towel, swept away with the gravel and the blood, and she'd forget that there are somethings that you can't just scrub away by yourself. Not when you believe that there are stains under your skin, filth in your lungs, dirt in your blood, that you can never rid yourself of.

"You're doing well."

Nat gives herself another second, this time to look forward to the person in front of her.

Weirdly, Lottie is more careful with Nat than she ever was with herself, though really, back then, she didn't know how to be gentle with herself, forgive herself, because she didn't think she deserved it. She'd never given herself time to heal, rubbing too hard, just to make the pain more than skin deep, and that was just the way she thought things had to be done. Nat guesses she must have learnt to be gentle in medical school, but it still seems out of place here. The same hands that held her at gunpoint, now just hold, and it's strange. It's strange that Lottie treats Nat like she deserves it.

Eventually, Nat averts her eyes, not realizing when a second turns into another, a look turns into a stare, eventually landing on the glimmer she spots from the corner of her eye. Nat's expression hardens, body tenses, and if Lottie notices, she doesn't mention it. Nat's Captain badge sits proudly on Lottie's chest, a reminder that, as gentle as Lottie is right now, as gold as she is against white walls, she has as much dirt on her as Nat. If opposites attract, Nat and Lottie are anything but—matching blemishes of character on clean exteriors, bad choices in bad circumstances, seeking confrontation just because it's available.

"Shouldn't you give that back, since you already had a place regardless of our agreement?" Nat points out, trying to keep her voice as calm as possible.

Nat grows out of picking fights for the sake of not drawing any more attention than is strictly necessary, towing the line to not get knocked off the tightrope.

"I don't know," Lottie says with a shrug. "I think it suits me."

But there's something about Lottie that makes it hard to not bite back. When they first meet, Lottie knocks her off balance, and Nat is starting to realize that it isn't a coincidence that her head has been spinning since.

Nat contemplates biting Lottie's finger, considers the logistics of such a move, but decides it probably isn't worth it. After all, even if Lottie is acting professionally right now, she's also very close to Nat's face, with a chemical that probably wouldn't do anything good if it got into her eyes.

"How about we make another agreement?" Lottie suggests, undeterred when she meets Nat's eye and sees that she's already glaring at her. She pulls away, throwing the cotton roll away and picking up one of the bandages. "Unless, you don't think you'll win."

If there's anything worse than Tai having an accomplice, it's Nat having an opponent. There's no logical reason for her to get involved with a bet to get her own possession back, especially not something so important to her, but she'd never been good at trusting in logic. A challenge is a challenge, and Lottie looks at her like she already knows that Nat can't help from accepting it. She likes to think she's smart enough not to fall for it, not to let Lottie pull the strings and manipulate the situation to get what she wants, whatever that may be.

"What do you suggest?" Nat asks.

Never mind.

She watches as Lottie unrolls the bandages in her hand, seemingly thinking hard about the question. Nat raises an eyebrow, as Lottie attempts to nudge Nat's legs open slightly, so she can stand between them. She clenches her fists when Lottie pinches underneath her chin in response, before reluctantly making space for the medic, even if she doesn't love the idea of having Lottie so close to her, taking up so much of her personal space. Even in a professional environment, Nat doesn't trust Lottie not to pull something.

"Well, I've noticed that for some reason you don't seem like my biggest fan," Lottie continues, getting back to work. She ignores the face Nat makes. "So let's make a bet. If I manage to win you over before the end of this mission, I get to keep the badge. If you still can't stand me when we get to Earth, you can have it back."

Nat shakes her head in disbelief. Or at least, she tries to, but Lottie has a firm grip on the side of her face.

Surely, Lottie should have at least chosen a bet that she had a chance of winning. The end of the mission isn't that far away, and she can't imagine that Lottie will be able to change her mind by then. Though, there was no chance that Nat would ever learn to do anything more than tolerate Lottie's presence, let alone enjoy her company, in any length of time. From Earth, they'll be dispatched somewhere else, and she can forget that Lottie Matthews ever existed.

"Don't you think the odds are pretty heavily weighted towards me?"

Still, it's tempting.

"Why don't you want to be friends, Natalie?" She murmurs, concentrating on what she's doing, and Nat snorts.

"Don't take this personally," Nat deadpans, in a way that suggests she very much wants Lottie to take this personally. "But having a murder attempt against me under their belt isn't exactly a trait I look for when I wanna make new friends."

She's close enough that she hears Lottie mutter under her breath- "Rude."

"And you do know I could just lie?" Nat continues. "Even if by some miracle I can stand you at the end of this, I could just say that I don't, just so I can get my badge back."

Lottie doesn't say anything for a little while, focusing on covering the cut on Nat's face, leaving the Captain to sit in silence, while the medic works methodically.

It's another second, a second too long, and Nat feels it. Lottie holds herself like all doctors do—calm, collected, and always in control—and if Nat squints her eyes until everything becomes a white blur, inhales the smell of peroxide, she can go back.

Even if the place is a more modest medical setting, it's still fitted with the typical clinical signifiers that make Nat uncomfortable to be around—the white walls, the crisp bed sheets, the feeling of being out of place amongst it all—a blot of color, a crumple in the picture. Nat has spent too much time hovering at bedsides, at the edge of uncomfortable plastic chairs, but it never stops feeling like somewhere she shouldn't be. And white walls all look the same when her eyes are stinging, and doctors all sound the same when they're telling her bad news—white walls then white noise then ' there's nothing we can do, I'm sorry .'

"You're allowed to breathe, Nat," Lottie says gently, interrupting Nat's thoughts.

Nat hadn't noticed she'd been holding her breath until Lottie pointed it out. She exhales, breath coming out heavy, staring straight up towards the ceiling, so she doesn't have to see the inevitable teasing smirk, the expected rolling of the eyes. She isn't looking, so she doesn't know that it isn't there.

"I don't think you could lie," Lottie says, filling the silence, but keeping her voice quiet enough that it doesn't destroy it. Present but not destructive is something that Nat never thought Lottie Matthews could be capable of, but she supposes there's a first time for everything. "Your emotions are written all over your face."

And then she's stepping away, satisfied with her work. When she glances up, Lottie is already looking at her, and Nat isn't stupid. She recognizes that look, and she falters for a second, before standing up too, wincing when her neck aches from the angle she'd been standing at.

"When you first saw me," Nat flushes. She'd rather not think about it. "Did you think I was pretty, Nat?"

Yes . That's the short answer. Because Nat sees this stranger, and all she sees is gold.

Nat doesn't know exactly what she expected people from Earth to look like, but she certainly hadn't expected this . As much as she hates to admit it, she'd acknowledged right from the beginning that Lottie was beautiful in a way that she'd never seen before, and maybe it's naive to think, but she'd heard so much about Earthlings being cautious, scared even, that the confidence in this girl seems out of place.

"Okay, I don't fuckin' know what you're trying to do but this," Nat says firmly, gesturing between the two of them. "This isn't becoming a thing ."

Lottie has the nerve to frown at that, and for some reason Nat's breath catches in her raw throat at the sight. Weird. Maybe she was getting space sickness like Lottie had suggested.

"What do you mean?" Lottie asks innocently, taking a step forward again, eyes lighting up when Nat doesn't take a step back.

"This. You trying to..." She squints. "Honestly, I'm not even fucking sure what you're trying to do, but you need to stop it. There are rules. Romantic relationships are strictly prohibited. So, no smuggling people in from whatever planet's we dock at, you hear that? I won't hesitate to boot both you and them into the Milky Way."

Lottie grins, Nat glares.

"What about romantic relationships with people already on the ship? Any rules about that?"

Nat coughs, looking away immediately. Technically, there isn't anything about that in the rules, and she curses herself for not thinking ahead. She never thought it would become a problem, especially not for her.

"Check the handbook," Nat says instead, and Lottie takes it as a win. "So, are we done here?"

Her voice sounds too loud in the room.

"Sure, Nat," Lottie says eventually, stepping away. Nat hadn't realized how tight her chest had become, until there's space between them again. "Just try not to get into any trouble while your cut is healing."

Nat looks over to one of the mirrors in the room, taking in her appearance. The bandage isn't inconspicuous by any means, the cut large enough that a good portion of her cheek needed to be covered, but it's not as dramatic as she thought it would be. There's no stinging eyes, no purple cheeks, but there is a haze of gold that she can't seem to blink away.

"I don't get into trouble," Nat says to her reflection, and while there's nothing there, she can also see the words appearing around her head. Liar, liar, liar.

"Why don't I believe that?"

Maybe Lottie can see them too.

"Let me rephrase," Lottie says, trouble personified, with a glint in her eye that makes Nat nervous. "Try not to get into trouble..."

Trouble. And then, something else.

"Unless, you're with me."

~

The day they get the all clear to take off, Nat feels like she can breathe again.

"It's about time," Jackie mutters under her breath, both of them standing in the cockpit, preparing Yellowjackets for takeoff, and Nat nods in agreement, just as eager to get going.

When she'd first set her sights on becoming Captain, hadn't thought she'd ever be able to take off a ship, all by herself. While auto-pilot is a big part of space travel, and navigators usually keep up with general flying of the ship, it's up to the Captain to take off and land spaceships, as well as coordinate the plan of action to make the process as seamless as possible. It's a familiar feeling, a familiar process, and that's how Nat likes things to be. She likes the consistency, the routine, feeling like she's in control of the situation. But sometimes she gets too in her head about it, too aware of the power she holds in that moment, and the pressure that comes with it.

Nat is certain about a lot of things, confident that she knows this ship like the back of her hand, but she's not naive enough to think that things can't go wrong. Or more likely, that she could do something wrong. Because as forgiving as Yellowjackets is, and as much as Nat knows what she's doing, there's always that sliver of doubt. Standing at the helm of her ship, she should feel untouchable, but there's that moment just before the countdown starts, her hands resting on the steering, where she isn't so sure.

She's momentarily distracted from checking and rechecking the time, when she hears the doors of the navigation pod slide open. The scowl that appears on her face is immediate.

Lottie somehow manages to turn Yellowjackets upside down within a few days of being there.

It was so secret that Nat hadn't warmed up to her at all since she'd joined the crew, making an active effort to ignore her presence as much as physically possible. She does her best to avoid Lottie, which is harder than you'd think when the medics bedroom is located just a corridor away from the Captain's own quarter. She guesses so medical assistance was close by if anything were to happen to her.

For the most part, it's not an issue. She spends the majority of her time in her office, but she can't say she particularly enjoys the close proximity during the night. It's just the two of them in that wing of the ship, and Nat still expects to wake up in the middle of the night and find Lottie standing over her, laser pointed at her once again.

To her annoyance, no one else seemed to have the same worry. In fact, Lottie had managed to settle in well on Yellowjackets, all while making Nat's life a living nightmare, and it wasn't long before Lottie had wormed her way into their group. Nat knows she's being petty when she works through her lunch breaks just to avoid having to sit at the same table as Lottie, but then again, she also doesn't trust that her food won't somehow end up getting poisoned if she leaves it unattended.

She feels uneasy that Lottie is so close with her friends already, and she's quick to figure out what exactly Lottie knows about the goings on of Yellowjackets, pulling Tai aside one morning before she starts her shift. She's relieved when Tai promises that she hadn't told Lottie anything about it, which takes some of the weight off her shoulders.

It doesn't take long for Nat to realize that Lottie cares a lot for technicalities, but not at all in the same way she does. While Nat focuses on the details to do the best job possible, follows the rules because they exist for a reason, Lottie uses loopholes and escape clauses to cause trouble, to get away with it.

See, technically , Lottie isn't late because she clocked in, before getting coffee and turning up to do this job half an hour later. And technically , she isn't the one that set off the fire alarms, she just happened to be standing next to it when it short circuited. Though, she never really expanded on why exactly that one wasn't her fault.

"You don't have permission to be in here," Nat says stiffly, jerking her chin towards Lottie, who doesn't seem phased by the hostile reaction to her arrival, probably used to it by now when it comes to Nat.

She just shrugs.

"My pass worked at the entrance, so either I do have permission, or you need to up your security measures."

And technically, Lottie is allowed to be there, even if Nat obviously doesn't want her to be.

Nat's eyes widen, before she frowns. Holes in their security is the last thing they need right now, and if the wrong people are getting access to the wrong things, it isn't going to end well for them. She's already taking her phone out of her pocket, ready to call Shauna and get her to figure out what's happening, when her arm is pushed down again.

"We're fine," Jackie reassures her, and for a moment Nat is about to protest, until she sees her face. Calm, but with a hint of guilt.

Nat presses her lips together tightly.

"You gave her permission," Jackie nods. "And this was cleared by Shauna?" She nods again. "And no one bothered to consult me?" A shrug. "Fantastic."

"I'm here to do my job. Apparently, you can get grouchy before take off," Lottie interrupts, and Nat's attention is drawn back to the medic.

Nat doesn't get grouchy. She gets impatient. She hates the waiting beforehand, her hands itching to just pull the lever and get out of there, now that she knows they have clearance. It's just a case of waiting for their turn.

"I don't get grouchy," She adds defensively, meeting Jackie's eye, and telepathically asking her best friend to back her up. "Right, Jackie?"

The reassurance doesn't come.

"Remember just before we left Saturn and you threatened to eject Van from the spaceship, just because she made a joke that you didn't find funny?"

"No."

Jackie doesn't buy it.

"I think you do. What do you call the first man on the moon?" Nat's right eye starts to twitch.

Jackie chooses not to finish that one, afraid that she'll meet a similar fate to Van, who ended up looking over her shoulder for at least a week, worrying that Nat would pop up out of nowhere and make her threat a reality.

"Listen, you know I'm not her biggest fan either," Jackie sighs out. "But just let her stay and keep an eye on you. We're just trying to help."

Nat knows that, because that's all Jackie ever tries to do; To help Nat, even when she doesn't ask, and even when she probably doesn't deserve it. Especially then.

"And you thought her, of all people, would help?" She asks incredulously.

She just wishes that helping her didn't have to involve Lottie Matthews being in her close proximity.

"I'm right here..."

Nat storms off, back to the navigation console. The medic eyes her carefully, noting how Nat's back is tense, but the rest of her body seems to sag. She meets Jackie's eye, the second is command shaking her head slightly, a silent warning to leave Nat alone for a bit, knowing that sometimes the Captain just needs a little time to simmer by herself. And everyone knows that Lottie is never one to see a simmer, and not turn it into a fire.

Unsurprisingly, Lottie ignores Jackie's advice. She surveys the situation from a distance when Lottie moves to stand next to Nat, peering down at the console to eye up the screens and buttons. The Captain freezes for a second, before glancing at the medic.

"Can I help you?" She says slowly, when Lottie still doesn't say anything. She shakes her head, miming zipping her mouth closed.

It's suspicious, but Nat decides to begrudgingly accept the medics' presence, as long as she doesn't do anything to disturb her. For once, Lottie stays quiet, observing Nat's movements carefully, and Jackie figures that it's safe to leave them alone for a few minutes, while she conducts the last checks down at the docking station, Nat just humming distractedly when she announces her departure.

"So, how does it work?" Lottie eventually asks, interrupting the silence. She sounds genuinely curious, and when Nat looks up to see innocent eyes staring back at her, the harsh words she had on the tip of her tongue dissolve before she can get them out. Her face must show her confusion, because Lottie continues, gesturing around them. "Flying the ship."

Nat frowns.

"Like in terms of the physics behind it or..." Lottie laughs, shaking her head, and Nat can't say she isn't relieved, because she honestly doesn't have a clue how this monster of a ship is able to get off the ground.

"The ship is mostly controlled by the on board autopilot system, but things like taking off or landing have to be done manually, by me," She explains. "Though, most of the work is done before takeoff. Planning our routes in and out of another planet's atmosphere is pretty hard, especially when their airspace is known to be unpredictable. Pluto, for example, was a tough one."

Lottie nods in understanding. It feels strange to have Lottie's undivided attention, but she doesn't necessarily dislike it.

There are some things that you just can't predict when it comes to flying, a rough map of the Universe being the best you're able to get. While the cross-planetary train line—the Milky Way—was able to establish a consistent route through the cosmos, this was only between certain planets and their satellites, and didn't intersect with any known meteor shower hotspots. Spaceships, whether military, cargo or commercial, did not have the same luxury.

While there are some things that don't change location, that doesn't mean they always behave the same. It's easy enough to work out where a planet will be located when you're aware what stage they are in their orbit, but it's more difficult to account for the projectiles surrounding it, especially the smaller ones that don't always come up on radar. This includes things such as meteor showers, black holes, sometimes even moons.

For example, Pluto has five moons, which makes things a little more complicated when trying to navigate to and from the planet. Particularly, when it comes to take off, the moons have been known to create some strange gravitational pulls, interfering with the compasses they rely on for their navigation system. In addition, they need to ensure that they don't accidentally crash into any of them as they depart the planet's atmosphere. It's usually not an issue when you can see the moons easily enough from a distance.

Pluto's biggest moon, Charon, is about half the size of the planet, so it's easy to spot, but with the smaller moons it's trickier. It had been easy to pinpoint three out of four of the remaining moons, and figure out a way to stay far enough away from them that their gravity wouldn't impact Yellowjackets' journey past them. Nat has flown to and from Pluto multiple times, so she'd say she's pretty confident in navigating the planet's airspace, but the smallest moon always seems to cause her problems. Kerberos is tiny, located somewhere between Nix and Hydra.

"Did you ask Shauna for help?" Nat looks up at that, staring at Lottie as if she'd just suggested something crazy.

"Why would I ask Shauna?" Nat asks, genuinely confused by the suggestion.

This time, it's Lottie that looks taken aback. She hadn't picked up on any animosity between the two before, can't detect any in Nat's voice now either.

"Isn't she the head of Navigation?" Nat nods. "Surely, she could have helped you figure it out."

Nat doesn't look convinced.

"That's not how it's done," She explains, as if it's obvious. "The captain is responsible for figuring out the flight path."

Lottie scoffs.

"That's ridiculous," Lottie says, refusing to back down even when Nat's expression goes from confused, to offended. "You know you don't have to do everything by yourself, right?"

Nat opens her mouth to reply, to agree, but she finds that she isn't able to.

Every Captain she'd learned from had taught her that this, like most things, was her responsibility, and her alone. To involve other crew members, as much as she valued their opinions, was seen as an admission of incapability. Nat knows that if she just works a bit harder, she'll be able to work this out on her own. That's what the problem is—she's not doing enough.

Lottie kicks lightly at Nat's feet and makes her look up from where she's boring a hole through the navigation deck. She shifts uncomfortably at the look on Lottie's face, the way she regards her like she feels bad for her.

"I'm the Captain," Nat says eventually with a shrug, as if that's an answer.

Lottie frowns even harder.

"That doesn't mean you can't ask for help."

She says it like it's a fact, doesn't allow any space for discussion, so Nat keeps her mouth shut.

"One of my patients on Earth wants to do this one day, so I promised her I'd find out what it was really like," Lottie eventually says, when Nat doesn't say anything else, immediately lightening the mood.

"She wants to fly on a ship?" Nat asks, curiously.

Lottie grins, a fond look on her face.

"She wants to be a Captain of a ship."

Nat can't help but smile at that.

When she'd completed space school, she'd first started working on cargo ships, which would transport various goods between planets, and the journey up had been an incredibly tough process. As the size of spaceships resemble floating buildings rather than transportation vessels, there were plenty of jobs on board, all with varying skill levels. Nat had started as an intern, then tried her hand at each area of the ship, before slowly making her way up the ranks. She'd been commander for a few years, before eventually getting her big break as the Captain.

Despite being young for a Captain, Nat had fallen into the role with ease. This is what she'd been made to do, and it shows in the way she lives and breathes her job, and makes sure to stick to every rule and procedure available to ensure that Yellowjackets runs as smoothly as it can. Well, almost every rule.

"It's a pretty difficult career to get into," Nat muses. "Does she have any relevant work experience?"

She doesn't understand why Lottie starts laughing.

"She's six, Natalie."

Oh, right.

"What's it like? Flying in general, I mean." And Nat has a feeling that Lottie is asking for herself, this time.

Even now, Nat doesn't know how to describe the feeling.

"You're about to find out," Nat points out, and she's grateful that Lottie doesn't call her out for avoiding the question, too preoccupied with the reminder that she's about to fly, properly fly, for the first time.

"Better make it a good one, then," Lottie replies.

"As if they aren't all good ones," Nat says confidently, and Lottie has a pleased look on her face, like that's the exact response she was looking for.

Jackie is relieved when she comes back, this time with Laura Lee in tow, and finds everyone still in one piece. Nat is on the phone to someone, and she nods when her friends return, sticking her tongue out at Laura Lee when she butts in on the conversation, waving at the tiny hologram Shauna.

Nat pushes her away, but Laura Lee soon finds a new victim, making a beeline to Lottie and practically bowling her over in the process. Jackie and Nat exchange an exasperated look. Even though Nat had been doing her best to avoid Lottie since she'd become a part of their crew, it was kind of hard when she became attached to Laura Lee's hip the whole time.

"I can't believe you're about to go on your first proper flight," Laura Lee exclaims, rocking Lottie side to side from behind. "I should've stuck a bumper sticker on the back of Yellowjackets—baby's first spaceflight."

"Absolutely not," Nat interjects from afar, without missing a beat. "No, I'm not talking to you, Laura Lee." And then. "I already told you, everything is good on our end." And finally. "For the last time, no I won't say 'over' every time I finish talking, this is a phone conversation."

She walks off, shaking her head.

"Just to let you know, space flight can be pretty intense, especially when it's your first time," Jackie says carefully, holding her hands up in surrender when Laura Lee glares at her from where her chin is perched on Lottie's shoulder. "I'm just warning her! Everyone gets space sick on their first trip."

"Not everyone , " Laura Lee points, gesturing to their Captain, who's smiling.

"Not everyone was born with space-legs," Jackie shoots back. "I'm just saying, at least find somewhere to sit down," Laura Lee and Lottie nod. "You're going to ignore me, aren't you," They nod again. "Well, I tried."

For some reason, Nat isn't surprised that Lottie hadn't had any problems with getting used to the sensation of space travel. She carries herself like she was made for this, born to be at space-eye view. When Lottie walks back to them, she has a tell-tale smile on her face, and Nat looks away. Lottie definitely belonged amongst the stars.

"Are we all set?" Jackie asks, and Nat's smile widens.

They're all set.

There isn't a lot more preparation to be done, after all they've been waiting for this all day, waiting to get their slot from space traffic control, but for Nat, the novelty never really wears off.

Nat takes her first trip into space when she's four years old, and she doesn't remember it.

Which isn't how these stories usually start, but she was too young, and too tired, and too hot to pay attention to anything enough to remember it years later. Her first domestic space-flight was for a family holiday to Venus, a planet that has a star as its next door neighbor, and god did she feel it. She's sweating too much to feel anything else when she's there, young enough that she doesn't understand why they can't just turn the heat down. It's a distant planet, a distant memory, and even on the journey home, sitting in the window seat, with her dad watching a documentary on the inflight entertainment system—she thinks it was called Star Wars—it doesn't really register that she should probably look out the window.

Hindsight is everything, and luckily it's not long before Nat realizes that everything doesn't just fade to black when you travel between the planets. Space is dark, but you can still see it. And when she does see it, when she's a little bit older, pressing her nose against the window to get a closer look.

Lottie is quiet, even when they start to taxi towards the runway, and Nat only remembers that she's there when the shutters of the space port open for them, and she hears a gasp.

And for others, the novelty is only just beginning.

"Should I start the countdown?" Shauna asks, waiting until Nat confirms that she's ready. "Okay, let's go."

Nat has never had a problem with concentrating during take off, until now.

"Lottie?" Nat calls to make Lottie turn to face her, the girl doing so reluctantly. "You should probably go sit down somewhere."

If Lottie had looked in awe of Yellowjackets, it's nothing close to how she reacts to the view facing them. It's just a slither of space, but it's one thing looking up and seeing the stars, and it's another to know that you're about to dive into them. Space is dark, even if it's not supposed to be, but Lottie looks at the abyss like it's the greatest thing she's ever seen.

"I want to stand here," Lottie says firmly, as if it was a question. "I don't want to miss anything."

She's practically pressing herself against the window, trying to see more, and Nat almost smiles. She sees part of herself reflected in the girl in front of her, because she doesn't think she'll ever get used to it either. She sees that familiar feeling of wonder on Lottie's face, that reminds her of the first time she saw a space herself, and really, every time since.

"One minute until takeoff."

Jackie looks between the two curiously, wondering which of them will back down first. Nat is stubborn, sometimes to a fault, and so is Lottie, the two being more similar than they think, and she can't imagine either of them giving up on this one. Because even if Nat is the Captain, Lottie has been wanting this for as long as she can remember.

"Nat..." Jackie warns, when the Captain still isn't completely focused on the task at hand. It's unlike her.

"Please?" Lottie says, pleading now, and Nat sighs.

"Forty seconds until takeoff," Shauna powers up the thrusters.

"Alright, fine, you can stay," Lottie grins so wide, that she has to look away.

Jackie narrows her eyes in confusion, making a face at Nat, who doesn't meet her eye. They don't have time for this right now, but more so, Nat doesn't have an answer to any of the questions Jackie has.

"Thirty seconds until takeoff. You with me, Nat?""

Nat grips the yoke with both hands, eyes locked on the exit of the spaceport.

"I'm with you."

Nat can't help but shoot a grin at her co-pilot, when she hears the rumble of Yellowjackets' engine starting up.

Feeling Yellowjackets come to life like this is something that Nat will never get used to. She feels her best here, when she can feel the hum of Yellowjackets underneath her feet, the vibrations that you don't notice after a few hours, because it just feels normal to have the floor shake. Technically, Yellowjackets is always powered on, it has to be when there are people inhabiting it, but since they're been docked at Pluto, the engine had remained off until they'd been given the all clear to take off and continue their journey. It's safe to say the difference between it being on and off is a huge one, the whole ship humming when the engine comes to life, and it's always her favorite part of the take off; making Yellowjackets come alive again. Really, that's the best word for it; it's like feeling alive.

"Twenty seconds until takeoff."

Nat doesn't like to think of it as running away, but she'll admit that she feels more at home when her feet aren't on the ground, when she's constantly moving. She's heard that what comes up must come down, but she had a hard time doing so—staying down, and wanting to stay down. It's something to do with gravity pulling her down, something to do with the fact that you can walk forever but never reach an end, because planets stretch on and on, sending you back round again right back to the beginning.

"Ten seconds until takeoff."

And it doesn't make a lot of sense because the Universe stretches too , a blanket of nothing but stars and rocks and planets, not an edge to be found, but at least it feels like she's going somewhere new. Even when they take the same flight paths, travel to familiar planets, it doesn't feel the same, because the universe has a habit of changing. It's the only lack of consistency that Nat appreciates, even craves.

If Lottie were to ask her now, what's it's like to be Captain, what's it like to fly, Nat would answer that it's like coming up for air and hitting the ground running. And running away doesn't feel so bad, when you're heading towards something that feels a lot like home.

"Five."

("Want to know what's strange?" Jackie asks her, once they're comfortably out of Pluto's atmosphere.

Nat hums from where she's checking the flight data, pleased when she notes that there doesn't seem to be any inconsistency during take off, Yellowjackets behaving exactly as it should have. She only looks up when Jackie doesn't continue, following her line of sight and landing on where Lottie stands.)

"Four."

(Lottie still stands by the window, pointing to the distance in excitement, with Laura Lee by her side humoring her, with a timely ooh and aah . She hadn't moved, even when the view had become blurry, due to how fast they were accelerating in order to reach the required altitude.

"Guess she's one of the lucky ones," Nat shrugs non-committedly, unable to keep the pettiness out of her voice.

To Nat's surprise, the medic didn't seem to have the telltale signs of space-sickness; the weak legs, the headache, the butterflies in your stomach.)

"Three."

("Don't be like that," Jackie replies, reaching forwards to flick underneath Nat's chin. "The Universe is big enough for the both of you, Nat."

Nat sighs. She isn't sure there's any galaxy that's big enough to hold both of them. Though, she does think, if the Universe is so big, why did she have the misfortune of meeting Lottie.)

"Two."

("Besides, I'm not talking about that." Jackie hesitates, only continuing when Nat looks at her expectantly. "Lottie had the entire Universe in front of her for the first time. Yet, she was looking at you.")

"One."

("Oh.")

"Takeoff!"

("Yeah. Oh .")

~

The first time it happens, Lottie has glitter on her eyelashes, and Nat thinks of stardust.

Laura Lee's birthday had just passed, and Lottie hadn't let anyone forget it, decorating the ship from top to bottom in balloons, before learning the hard way that a piñata full of glitter is all fun and games until you're not the one who has to clear up the mess it makes. And Nat ensures that Lottie is the one to do just that, turning up at the end of the night with a mop, buckets of warm water, and an exasperated look on her face.

When Nat was younger she had thought the stars were to scale, and that if she worked hard enough, one day she would get close enough to pick one right from the sky and put it in her pocket. She figured that if she timed it right she could do it—she'd trade fireflies for catching shooting stars in a net, bring them home with her to sit on her window sill, so they wouldn't get homesick. It's only when she grows up that she realizes that not everything is always that simple.

Lottie runs a hand through her hair, making particles of glitter land on the patch of ground that Nat had just finished cleaning, and she looks up to see that Lottie has galaxies on her skin.

She'd settled for just looking at the stars from afar, made peace with that, but it isn't until now that Nat starts to wonder again, whether there's a way. Because until now, she'd never wanted to inhale stardust, swallow the sun, feel the universe in her palm. Really, that should have been the first warning sign.

"Life would be boring without me," Lottie sings, and Nat supposes she's got a point.

Everyone knows that dust clogs up the lungs, and everyone knows that stars scorch the throat; hard to breathe, easy to burn, and everyone knows that the universe isn't anyone's to hold.

Lottie has galaxies on her skin, and Nat forgets that there's a reason you can't ever get close enough to touch the stars.

"But it would be easier."

But that never stopped anyone from trying.

~

Nat is in her office, trying to learn about Earth, and failing miserably.

Though it isn't necessary to learn about the planets that you're delivering to, Nat always tries to educate herself a little so she knows what they're getting into. Every planet is different, whether that's in size or gravitational pull, so taking the time to figure out where you're going tends to make the whole operation go more smoothly. For example, just by reading one chapter, she'd learnt that it's probably a bad idea to land in Antarctica. It's no Pluto, but it also doesn't sound like the nicest environment to be in.

For Nat, it's particularly important that she's aware of how things work on each planet, so she can conduct her business without seeming suspicious. While she may be able to sort out the logistical side easily enough, there's a lot more that goes into what they do.

They had been flying for about a week now, and Nat had already read so many textbooks that she was giving herself a headache.

"Hey, Natalie."

Talking of headaches.

Standing behind her desk, palms pressed on the surface of the interactive map, she hadn't noticed the door opening. She exhales heavily through her nose, before turning round. Of course, it's her.

"How did you get in here?" Nat sighs.

The intruder stands in the middle of the room, looking around curiously. Said intruder tilts her head slightly to the side, as if she doesn't understand the hostile edge to Nat's voice, though the attempt to appear innocent is slightly dampened by the pleased expression on her face. She nods towards the door she'd come through.

"I did knock, you were too busy playing battleship that you didn't notice."

For some reason, Nat doesn't believe her. Really, she can't imagine Lottie ever thinking through her actions before doing them, had probably set her sights on coming to annoy Nat, and hadn't taken a closed door as a barrier.

Lottie keeps up the pretense for longer than Nat expected, before dropping the act.

"Okay, so maybe I just walked in," She knew it. "But you probably wouldn't have let me in if you knew it was me."

At least Lottie is self aware.

"I mean, you did try to kill me, princess," Nat says bluntly.

"Still caught up on that, huh?"

Here we go again.

Nat doesn't have the energy to have this argument, and Lottie knows it, moving so she can see what Nat has spread out on her desk. She isn't able to get very far, before Lottie blocks her way, which is laughable considering the height difference between them.

"First rule," She takes a step forward, anticipating that Lottie will back away in response. Lottie stands her ground, unbothered by the finger pointing in her face, going cross eyed for a second to look at it. "No one comes into my office unless they have my permission. Or you'll get your ass kicked."

Not only is she particular about who she lets into her space, she knows there's information in that office that could get her in a lot of trouble if it fell into the wrong hands. Written contracts, notebooks filled with calculations and call logs, tracking number of deliveries that shouldn't be taking place. There's a reason she keeps her office locked when she isn't there.

Nat doesn't think she trusts anyone less than the girl in front of her, who's still looking around the office, even if there isn't really much to see.

She gestures towards the door, as if she expects Lottie to walk about the way she came, but the medic ignores the silent request, pushing the finger being pointed at her back to Nat's chest, before walking around to the other side of the desk. If anything, Lottie seems to take the threat as a challenge.

"Isn't that how pirates show their affection? By threatening one another's lives?"

They've been through this.

Don't ask Nat why she'd taken the time to research the phrase that she'd heard Lottie say when they'd first met, the term she hadn't recognized. Pirate . The point is, she now knows that pirates are sea travelers, and not particularly nice ones at that. She's never been on the sea, doesn't really know anything about it, but she can't imagine it's as hard to navigate as some of the stories she'd read.

Nat doesn't know exactly how much Lottie knows about their culture, though clearly she knew some since she'd known how important it was to seal promises properly, but she herself couldn't see any parallels between the two types of travelers.

"Though saying that, you guys aren't like I thought you'd be. Aren't pirates supposed to have a parrot perched on their shoulder at all times?"

Nat follows Lottie's movements suspiciously, narrowing her eyes when Lottie stops at her piano.

"Who needs a parrot, when I've got you squawking in my ear 24/7?" Nat mutters.

"Ha ha, very funny."

"We're not pirates, we're voyagers. And according to my research, all the things you just mentioned are grossly exaggerated myths about pirates to begin with- hey, don't touch that,"

Lottie doesn't say anything, just starts playing a tune that Nat doesn't recognize. It's simple enough, just single notes, but Lottie is careless with her hands, unbothered when her fingers scatter over all the wrong notes, before reaching the right one.

"A sailor went to," Wrong note. "To," Wrong note, again. "To sea, sea, sea." That's better. Kind of.

Nat watches her, unimpressed. Somehow, Lottie manages to play better when she's not focusing on what she's doing, looking over at Nat expectantly.

"Do you know this song?"

"No. Sounds fuckin' terrible," Nat replies bluntly, hoping to cut off the conversation. "And it doesn't sound like you do either."

Lottie just laughs, and if Nat didn't know better, she would think Lottie was messing up on purpose. More likely, is that Lottie just doesn't care whether it's right or not. Even when it comes to music, Lottie doesn't seem like the type of person to follow the rules.

"To see what."

"Can you please stop-"

"She could."

"Lottie, stop-"

"Join in, if you know the words!"

Nat paces over to the piano and shuts the lid firmly, with a loud slam, and Lottie barely manages to remove her fingers before it comes down.

"See-"

Lottie claps her hands, nodding enthusiastically.

"So, you do know the song!"

If this wasn't her own office, Nat would walk out. But the fact is, it is her office, and if anyone is leaving, it's Lottie Matthews. She can't believe she's going to have Lottie proof this entire room.

"See what happens when you don't do what I say," Nat says.

She makes a snipping motion in front of Lottie's outstretched hand, the medic bending her fingers so they disappear into her palm.

"I suppose it would be pretty hard to play the piano with a hook," Lottie muses, and Nat bites her tongue. She has a feeling it wouldn't sound too dissimilar to what Lottie had just been playing. "So, there's no walking the plank? No buried treasure or hooks for hands?"

"We're not-" Nat starts through gritted teeth.

"Humor me," Lottie interrupts.

"I'm pretty sure the closest anyone has got to having a hook for a hand was when Shauna got carpal tunnel a few years ago," Nat eventually answers. "Though, I very much doubt our old medic would have amputated because of it. And if we have our way, Misty will continue to remain out of the medical sector, in order to prevent that becoming a possibility."

Nat returns to her map, ignoring how Lottie continues to wander around, hoping that the medic would get the hint, and leave her to work in peace. She'll admit, there's not really much Lottie can do other than take inventory of the medical equipment they have and conduct her online consultations, but that doesn't mean that she should spend her time interrupting Nat.

"What's that?"

Lottie doesn't take the hint.

Lottie follows Nat back to her desk, this time paying attention to the map laid on it, and Nat's scrawled handwriting in the notebook next to it. Her hand brushes Nat's when she stops next to her, and the Captain shifts a little to ensure there's at least a bit of space between them.

"What are we working on?"

Or more, Lottie takes the hint, surveys it carefully, and then throws it out the window.

"We aren't working on anything," Nat answers pointedly, not looking up from, but catching Lottie's hand when she reaches forwards to touch the map. She pushes it away.

She massages her forehead, willing the headache to disappear, then looks up. Nope, it's still there.

"I'm trying to learn about Earth," She holds up the book she was just reading, and Lottie lights up.

"Let me help," She insists, taking it from Nat's hand, before the Captain snatches it right back.

There was no way that she would go to Lottie of all people for help, even if she was from Earth.

("You do realize that you've got the best resource right in front of you," Van says when Nat complains to her about it, gesturing to the other side of the canteen.

Lottie is hitting a toy hammer against Laura Lee's knee, in an attempt to trigger her reflexes and get her leg to kick out by itself. It'd be a perfectly fine activity to engage in, as the resident medic on board Yellowjackets, if they weren't playing some sort of russian roulette game at the same time, each player taking it in turns to stand within kicking distance. Nat can't help but think it's unlikely that Lottie learnt this method in medical school.

As if she can feel their gazes, Lottie looks up a few seconds later, eyes latching onto Nat so quickly, that's almost unnerving, not helped by the sly smile appearing on her face immediately.

"Want to play, Nat?" Lottie calls, holding up her hammer. Nat grits her teeth. "You could do with working on your reflexes,"

"Play nice," Van mutters under her breath, relieved when Nat nods. Maybe for once, she'll be the bigger person.

"Eat shit, Matthews."

Well, at least she tried.

"Listen," Van's voice is firm enough that she draws Nat's attention from where she's staring daggers at Lottie's back. "Just give her a chance, and she might surprise you."

Nat scoffs.

"Yeah, with a knife in the back.")

"Why did you come here, Lottie?" She says instead, sounding so tired that Lottie bites her tongue, stopping herself from pushing the topic further. She just shrugs, and Nat pinches the bridge of her nose.

"I don't want to see you here unless I specifically ask you to be." She says firmly, walking over to the door and holding it open for Lottie to leave through. The medic follows her without complaint, which she supposes is some sort of win.

"But what if it's an emergency?" Lottie asks, turning before she's completely out of the office

"If it's an emergency, ask someone else. Not me," Nat replies, door handle in her hand, ready to be shut firmly behind Lottie when she leaves. If she ever does leave.

The motion stops when Lottie sticks her foot between the door and the frame, stopping it from closing.

"Actually, I remember the reason now," Lottie says solemnly, and against her instincts, Nat pauses. "The reason I came here is that there was an emergency and I couldn't find anyone else. A case of a girl lost in space..."

Nat opens the door again slightly, enough so that she can see Lottie's face, which for once looks serious, eyebrows low and corners on the mouth downturned.

"Why didn't you just start with that?" Nat asks in exasperation. "When did this happen?"

"I believe it happened in 1996," Lottie says solemnly.

Nat's panic melts into confusion.

"The poor girl lost her whole sense of humor and personality out of the escape hatch. But luckily, the fact that she has the charisma and manners of a piece of cardboard which didn't stop her becoming captain of a ship, which I think is a happy ending to an otherwise tragic-"

The door is promptly slammed in her face, so hard that a small breeze is expelled from it. She blinks.

Was it something she said?

~

Lottie may be good with technicalities, bending the situation to favor herself, but she isn't so good at sticking to the boundaries people set for her. Just because technically, it isn't breaking and entering if the door is unlocked when she finds it.

Yellowjackets is a pretty big ship.

When Nat had first started working there, it had become a priority for her to learn the layout. It's all well and good sweeping floors, but it's not as easy when every corridor looks the same, and you can't tell where you have and haven't been.

There are plenty of places to hide in Yellowjackets, plenty of spaces to run in it, but it isn't often that it's completely silent. The constant hum of the engine isn't noticeable once you're used to it, but it's usually accompanied by some sort of chatter coming from the corridors, the canteen area, or the sound of people going from station to station throughout the day.

Today the ship is silent.

Everyone on shift is where they need to be, that isn't the problem, but Nat can admit that she finds it unnerving that there's no one else to be seen milling around the ship. She's heading towards the training labs to find Van when she suddenly hears a lot of voices all at once. There's no reason for it to busy, really the labs only tends to be frequented by the research team, or individuals that need a refresher

When she pushes through the door, she's hit by a wall of noise, and it doesn't take long for her to track it to the anti-gravity simulator at the back of the labs. The anti-gravity chamber is supposed to be used for training purposes, to help climatize the crew to Planets with varying strengths of gravity, by adjusting the amount of gravitational force present in the environment.

Gravity is all about attraction, all about pulling everything to everything, like a magnet but impossibly stronger. It's how the planets pull their Moons, how the Sun pulls the solar system into orbit and how we know that what comes up, must come down. The strength of the force itself is dependent on the mass of an object, therefore on planet's with a greater mass, there is a greater gravitational force.

For example, the gravity on Jupiter is double the strength as the gravity on Earth, and while the planet doesn't have a solid surface to walk on, you'd just sink into it, it'd take some getting used to suddenly being 2.5 times heavier than you were before. Long periods in places with unfamiliar levels of gravity are known to affect the human body, but it's also a strange sensation to adapt to, even when they're just stopping off for a few weeks.

What it's being used for when Nat sees it, is quite different to its usual function.

As opposed to the realistic changes in gravitational force that are usually tested, the chamber had clearly had its gravity settings minimized as much as possible, resulting in multiple people inside the chamber, floating aimlessly through the space, some of them are doing tricks, somersaulting midair, others speeding from one end to the other, gliding and colliding into each other as they go.

It doesn't take long for Nat to zero in on the person responsible, though really, she could have guessed. Of course, she's got something to do with it.

Lottie sits on the platform at the entrance to the anti-gravity chamber, surveying the whole thing with a large grin on her face. When she lets another person step into the abyss, Nat's breath catches, even though she knows nothing bad will happen. The body is caught in midair, before it can drop, but whoever it is, hurtles into someone else already floating around.

There's a queue of people, waiting for their turn, but none of them notice the Captain surveying them from the entrance of the room, until she starts to elbow her way through the crowd. Lottie must see her approaching from her elevated post, because she leans over the side of the platform, resting her chin on her arms folded on the ledge.

"I know you're the Captain, but it's polite to wait your turn," Lottie calls when Nat reaches her, peering down at Nat.

The medic motions for the next person, one of the younger members of the crew, to start climbing up the ladder, but they barely have a foot on the rung before they're forced back down by Nat's firm grip on her shoulder. She opens her mouth to argue, but startles when she turns to see the Captain glowering at her, sinking back into the crowd with a nervous nod of the head.

"Jesus Christ, are you insane?!" Nat exclaims from below.

She cranes her neck, while the medic just smiles down at her, legs swinging where they now hang off the side of the platform. Lottie shrugs. Probably.

Lottie has to be a little crazy to play with fire like this, take the oxygen and heat, and pour on the gasoline, despite the flames licking at her ankles. She turns Nat's simmer into the fire, the explosion, but in some ways, she's just as much of a fuel, feeding Lottie the reaction she wants.

"Everyone, back to your rooms," Nat says loudly, turning to the rest of her crew. She narrows her eyes when she hears a few whines in protest. "It wasn't a request. Rooms. Now."

She never liked to shout to exert authority, but there's something about Lottie Matthews that makes her lose her cool, like just her presence alone makes an itch form underneath her skin, that she can't seem to get rid of. There's a few more grumbles, but they leave quickly enough, those still in the anti-gravity chamber departing one by one. Nat looks coldly at each person who descends the ladder, and resists the urge to shake her head like a disappointed headteacher.

Her crew are grown adults, she's aware, but they should have known better. Unfortunately, she doesn't expect as much from the person responsible.

"Matthews, get down here," Nat eventually says when the room is empty, hastily stepping back from where she stands at the base of the ladder when Lottie jumps down from the platform, landing directly in front of her.

She has an innocent look on her face, but this close, Nat can see the glimmer of amusement there, the pleased look on her face due to seeing the Captain so obviously worked up. She folds her arms across her chest and leans against the ladder, the nonchalance making Nat glower.

"What the fuck was that?" Nat practically spits.

She can't imagine what possessed Lottie to think that it was a good idea to turn a piece of training equipment into some sort of miniature amusement park.

"Haven't you ever wanted to know what it feels like to fly, Natalie?" Lottie asks instead, and Nat is starting to realize that Lottie answers questions with questions, not because she doesn't have an answer, but because it's more fun to keep it to herself.

"We're flying right now," She points out, and Lottie shakes her head.

"Would you relax? It was just a bit of fun."

Nat scoffs.

Gravity is about keeping us together, as the solar system, as the Universe, as ourselves. But Nat thinks that everyday she spends with Lottie causes a part of her to chip away, float into the cosmos, never to be seen again. What comes up, must come down, but Lottie has never been good at following the rules, even the ones that underpin her very existence. It's self destruction, ironic from someone who has dedicated her whole life to helping others, but when Lottie twists the rules, she decides to turn and turn, until they break into pieces.

"Your job is to keep my crew medically fit, and free from injury. Not to plan their extracurricular activities." Nat points out.

"Well, next week we're doing embroidery, and you're more than welcome to join. It's BYOB - Bring Your Own Bobbin."

Nat can't tell if Lottie is joking, the medic keeping a perfectly straight face, though she figures maybe it wouldn't be so bad if Lottie accidentally managed to stitch her mouth closed.

She stops leaning against the ladder and attempts to walk away, groaning when Nat blocks her exit.

"They were perfectly safe," Lottie argues. "Akilah was even wearing shin pads while she was in there."

Nat laughs, without any humor.

"As happy as I am that Akilah is all set for the next five-a-side soccer games, she won't be much help if she cracks her fucking head open beforehand."

The medic rolls her eyes.

"Don't you think you're overreacting, just a little?" She asks. "I think you'd like it; The freedom of flying, not having to worry about putting a foot wrong. Just living, while you have the chance."

"For fuck's sake, I can feel free without putting the life of myself, or the rest of my crew in danger," Nat answers shortly, and Lottie sighs, as if Nat hadn't really understood what she was trying to say. "For once in your life, can you take something like this goddamn seriously, Matthews?"

She sees her own badge, gold against Lottie black uniform, a star in the night sky, and thinks about how hard we worked to earn it, how much she'd sacrificed to stand where she does now. And then she looks at Lottie.

"I have no idea how you've gotten where you are when you act like this," She says in exasperation. "How are you trusted to look after kids, when you act like one yourself?"

Lottie's expression hardens, in a way that Nat doesn't recognize.

She regrets it as soon as she says it. Not even because of what she said, but because of how familiar it sounds, the belittling tone to her voice like a slap to the face.

The picture flickers, morphs into something different. It's a scene where she's watching the world from a different body, a shorter, lankier, weaker one. Suddenly, it's not her own voice speaking anymore, it's the people above her when she was just starting out on Yellowjackets. It was the crew members that would purposely walk their dirty shoes over the hallways that Nat was mopping when she was an intern and it's the Captain who told her she'd never be where she was, and didn't have the capacity to work hard enough to get there. It's the 'you're just a kid,' that Nat had always resented, and the way it had pushed her to work so much harder to prove that she wasn't someone to be underestimated.

Lottie doesn't fall apart like she did back then, but she does look disappointed. Disappointed in Nat for saying them. As if she knows they aren't true, she just never thought that Nat would believe they are.

"I don't think comparing me to my kids is as big an insult as you intended it to be," The protective edge to Lottie's voice startles Nat, even though it probably shouldn't.

All Lottie does is talk about the children that she treats, voice turning soft every time she recounts something they had said or done after an appointment. Even though Nat always made an active effort to avoid talking to Lottie, the few times that she'd been part of a group interaction, Lottie had always found a way to bring up one of her kids. Her kids, because to Lottie, that's what they are.

Because as good as Lottie is at what she does, she isn't so good at compartmentalizing. It shows on the bad days, the mornings that Laura Lee pulls her to the side, tells her to not start, not today, and Lottie walks around like she isn't really there at all.

"You know, I'd be lucky to be even a fraction of my kids," Lottie continues, Nat opens her mouth to say something else, but finds that there's nothing there to say. "They're the strongest people I know."

And Nat knows that, better than anyone. At the time, sitting by the side of a hospital bed, talking about nothing to drown out the sounds of her parents falling apart in the next room, Nat would have given anything to swap places. She'd do it in a heartbeat, there's no question, but she doesn't know if she would handle it quite as well, if put in the same situation. Kids are like that; too brave for their own good, somehow the strongest when the people around them can't help but fall apart. They make you smile when there's nothing to be smiling about, though it's not because they don't understand what's happening.

"And they know a lot more about living than either of us ever will."

But because they understand better than everyone else.

We learn pretty early on that there's a start and an end, but there's no guarantee how long the space will be between the two. There's no point worrying about it, not when you can't change it, and that's the space where children sit, trusting that things will be okay, because there's no reason for it not to be. So, they live , in a way that everyone else eventually forgets how to do, all in such a hurry to grow up, that we don't pay attention to the rest. We rush through the opening chapters, the best ones, then become disappointed when we reach the last page, and it's the same as the one before. Skip to the good part, but we missed the best part, because we assume that growing up is inevitable. Except it isn't, not for everyone.

And isn't that the hardest lesson of all.

"But if you change your mind, you know where I am."

Nat does. Because somehow, Lottie is everywhere. She's in the words of her best friends, the creak in the hallway outside her bedroom. And more than anything, she's under Nat's skin.

See, if gravity keeps Nat together, Lottie attempts to tear her apart from the inside out, stitches her up just to pick at the seams. Stars eventually destroy themselves, burn themselves up like it's inevitable, and there's something about that, something about Lottie, that makes Nat's stomach twist.

~

When Nat can't sleep, she buries herself in her work, because that's all she's ever known to do.

She's sitting on her bedroom floor, surrounded by various books on Earth, and she's getting nowhere. Right now, she's trying to figure out exactly what the textbook's mean when they talk about the Earth having seasons. Seasons of what? It's safe to say that it's not going too well. Partly because Earth is a complicated planet, with its continents and countries and cities, and partly because She can't help but think that there's nothing more complex than its people.

And then she's thinking about Lottie.

"I've never seen you like this with anyone else," Jackie points out, when Nat explains to her what happened.

She never thought Lottie Matthews would make her feel guilty, but she feels it now, the feeling sitting at the base of her throat, the weight sitting on her chest. She never wanted to become like them , but in the moment that's exactly what happened, her tongue working faster than her brain, her emotions coming out louder than they should have.

"I don't know what it is. There's just something about her that gets under my skin more than anyone I've ever met."

She doesn't know why she lets Lottie get to her so much. Or more, why she pays so much attention to the things Lottie does, so much more than everyone else. If it were anyone else she would have been frustrated, sure, but she wouldn't have reacted the way she did.

"I think it's because you let her," Jackie says carefully.

Nat doesn't want to think about what that's supposed to mean.

It's around 2am when she hears a knock on the door, and she groans, knocking her head back against the side of her bed. She doesn't move, hoping that she'd imagined the sound. It works until it doesn't, silence stretching for a few moments, before another knock comes, more insistent this time. Nat glares at the wooden door, staring daggers at however is behind it, hoping the strength of her gaze will make them melt away into nothing.

"Nat, if you don't open up, I'm going to wake up Shauna and use her as a battering ram to knock this door down."

Speak of the devil.

"I'm pretty sure Shauna has a 6am start tomorrow morning, and you know how she gets when she's tired."

Nat winces. Maybe, there are two devils.

She only hauls herself up because she knows that Lottie isn't joking, and if there's one thing worse than Lottie alone, it's Lottie combined with Shauna. She'd already gotten an earful from the latter for upsetting her best friend, and even if she is Natalie 'the dumbest person in the entire universe' Scatorccio according to Jackie, she isn't stupid enough to see what that anger looks like when combined with exhaustion.

Of course, it had to be Lottie.

She supposes she shouldn't be surprised. No one else would make the mistake of disturbing her at a time like this.

When she swings open her door, Lottie stands there in matching pink and white striped pajamas and a button up shirt, with her hair sticking up in every direction and mug in her hand. Suddenly, Nat can't think.

Lottie's face is puffy from sleep, eyes blinking slowly like she's fighting to stay awake, and there's something strange about the twist that forms in Nat's stomach. Because the Lottie she knows is all hard lines, stupid smirks and sarcastic comments, and while there's an element of that person showing now, as Lottie peers behind Nat's shoulder, not even hiding her nosiness, she looks softer in the night.

Nat knows a thing or two about the energy that goes into keeping up an act, how freeing it can feel to let it drop when there's no one left to see, but Lottie seems to float between what Nat recognizes, and what she doesn't.

Lottie looks ridiculous, Nat confirms to herself, that's the word she's looking for. After all, her hair is a mess, the collar of her shirt lopsided, and Nat is sure she can see the imprint of a pillow against Lottie's cheek, faint lines against soft skin. She looks away quickly, pushing that observation to the back of her mind. The image that flashes in her mind—Lottie lying in bed swaddled in her duvet, expression open, skin warm—isn't important.

"What do you want, Lottie?" Nat says, eventually.

There's no one else in this wing of the ship, but she still talks slowly, something about the night making her keep her voice quiet. She's too tired to start a fight right now, even if she probably deserves it, but Lottie doesn't look like she's here for that either, observing Nat's face carefully.

"I saw the light underneath the door," Lottie replies, as if that's an explanation, but Nat finds herself nodding anyway. She hesitates, worrying her lips between her teeth. "Can I come in?"

Nat's eyes widen, but she's quick to mask her surprise, nodding before she can think about it too much. She stands to the side to let the medic pass, hovering near her door for a moment, before closing it again. Lottie Matthews in her bedroom. And isn't that a sight Nat never thought she would see.

It's not like she has anything particularly personal in there, really she only uses it to sleep in or hide in when she doesn't want to be disturbed. She stays silent as she lets Lottie move through the space, and for a second, Nat thinks that she's going to sit on her bed. Her heart stops, only thudding back to life when Lottie just puts the mug she was holding on the bedside table. She doesn't know what she'd do if Lottie had sat amongst her ruffled sheets, softened with a few days' use, and she doesn't know why the thought alone makes her cheeks go red. There's something strange about seeing Lottie camouflaged amongst her own things, shades of gray all fading into one.

"I brought you some tea." Lottie says, nodding to the cup and motioning for Nat to take it, mistaking Nat's blank stare as a sign of suspicion as if she had put her blood in it. "I'm not going to risk losing my medical license by trying to poison you, Nat. It'll help you sleep."

Nat is careful when she responds.

"I know you specialize in treating sick kids, but I'm not a child you know," Nat says, and Lottie blinks at her in surprise, taken aback by the lightness in Nat's voice. "I'm joking, princess. Thanks."

Lottie opens her mouth, but clearly can't find anything to say, shutting it again, and nodding stiffly. She looks around the room, clearly looking for something to talk about, because if there's one thing that Nat has learnt about Lottie, it's that she isn't one for leaving silences. Or at least, not when she doesn't think that they're necessary.

"What are you reading?" She asks, motioning at the book on her bedside table, and before Nat can answer, she's picking it up, studying the cover curiously. She doesn't say anything immediately, and then she turns back to Nat, a surprised smile on her face. "And you say you're not a pirate."

Nat shifts her weight where she stands.

"Why this?" She asks, holding the book out of reach when Nat tries to take it from her, not letting her avoid the question. Nat just shrugs and Lottie raises an eyebrow, opening the book and clearing her throat. "Let's see; all children, except one, grow up-" She laughs. "Is this your autobiography?"

Nat glares, though for once there's no weight behind it. It might be the time, it might be the guilt in her stomach, but for once, she doesn't mind Lottie's quips. The latter seems to sense it too, giving the book back this time, when Nat motions for her to do so.

She'd found this copy of Peter Pan in the Yellowjackets library, when she'd been collecting research materials about Earth, taking the paperback home with her because she was curious to learn more about the pirates that Lottie was always talking about. For research purposes only, of course. She'd been very disappointed when she'd realized a few chapters in, that the story was obviously a fictional one, and not just a very detailed description of life on Earth.

"If you're Captain Hook, does that make me Smee?" Lottie continues, making Nat roll her eyes. "I think we have a lot in common; underappreciated by her captain, liked by everyone, looks good in stripes..."

She pauses there, leaving a natural gap for the captain to interject in, hiding a smile when Nat doesn't disappoint, ever predictable.

"You can't be Smee, she actually listens to her Captain's orders."

Lottie hums in agreement.

"Maybe, I'm more of a Wendy, then?" Lottie suggests. "She's sweet, like me."

Nat practically snorts.

"There's nothing sweet about you, princess," Nat retorts, though there's no malice there. "You're like a leech that won't fuck off."

Lottie grins and clearly takes that as a compliment. Nat hesitates, unsure why she's having an impromptu book club with Lottie in the middle of the night, but she supposes stranger things have happened.

"You didn't tell me that pirates are the bad guys." She tries to keep her voice casual, but she can't keep out the whine in her voice, the way the corner of her lips downturn.

"Are they?" Lottie asks, amused by Nat's attempt at nonchalance. "I guess it depends which side you're on."

Nat nods, and Lottie thinks it's over.

"Okay, but if you had to pick a side," It's not over. Lottie has to cough to cover the laugh that threatens to spill out, Nat's face deadly serious. "Whose side would you be on?"

"Yours," Lottie says, so quickly that Nat doesn't know what to do.

Nat hadn't realized that was the question she was asking, until Lottie answered. And she hadn't realized it would mean that much to hear it, until she feels the weight on her chest shift a little. But it doesn't disappear.

The medic smiles at her in surprise.

"Despite what you think, it's yours."

Nat doesn't know what to say.

"It's getting late," Lottie says suddenly. She picks up Nat's tea again, motioning for the other to take it. "Drink this, and go to sleep. I'll go back to my-"

"I'm sorry," Nat blurts out.

And Lottie almost spills the drink. Nat quickly reaches for it, steadying the glass before it can go anywhere, and Lottie sheepishly nods her thanks when Nat takes it from her hands. She feels awkward standing there, holding a cup of tea in her palm, but at least it gives her something to do with her hands. At least it gives her somewhere to look, that's not the girl in front of her, who looks at her like she doesn't recognize the person she's looking at.

She doesn't want to meet Lottie's eye, but she figures that if she's going to apologize, she's at least going to do it right. She tells herself that Jackie would be proud of her right now, Laura Lee too, but she also knows that she's doing this for herself too. Herself, and the guilt in her body, and the look on Lottie's face that she never wants to see again.

"I shouldn't have said what I said, I didn't mean it," She exhales deeply. "I was in a bad mood, and I took it out on you. I know there's nothing more important to you than your job, your patients. And you got where you are, because you worked for it."

"Why were you in a bad mood?" Lottie asks immediately, and Nat can't help but laugh in disbelief.

This isn't about her, and the fact that Lottie doesn't seem interested in the apology, is more concerned about Nat, makes it clearer than ever that Nat had completely missed the mark with her comments. Lottie must read her mind, because she interrupts before Nat gets the chance to say anything.

"You know, you're included in that," Nat tilts her head, confused. "You're important to me too." Nat holds her breath. "My job is to make sure you're safe." And for some reason, she deflates.

Right. It's Lottie's job.

"I'm fine," Nat eventually says, as if she means it. At the moment, she does. The state of her room says otherwise, the state of her palms does too, but it is what it is.

Nat thinks she probably doesn't deserve for it to be this easy. If it were her, she would hold a grudge for much longer, but she supposes that's where she and Lottie are different. Or one of the many ways that she and Lottie are different.

"Okay," Lottie replies, as if she believes her. Or, as if she understands that it's none of her business if Nat doesn't want to be honest with her about this, not right now.

She's still trying to figure it out. How Lottie can push so much, make her ready to snap, but never about things like this, never about the things that matter.

"I forgive you, but I can't promise that Laura Lee will," Lottie adds, the two of them exchanging knowing glances.

"That's fair. I just thought you'd be more angry at me." Lottie shakes her head.

"I've heard way worse, from people that actually mean it."

And then there's the ways they're the same.

Nat can't imagine anything like that getting to Lottie, not when she acts like nothing ever bothers her, but she also can't imagine it was a smooth ride to get where she is. She wants to ask about it, but doesn't know how to. Doesn't feel able to when Lottie hadn't dug into her private life either.

Lottie notices the conflict Nat faces, and the Captain is starting to think that picking up on non-verbal signals must be a part of the training process. Later, Lottie will explain that children often don't want to, or don't know how to verbally describe what they need, so you quickly learn how important it is to pick up on things like body language and expression.

("So, what I'm hearing is that you treat me like a kid."

"Nat, I saw you drinking a juice box just last week..."

"What's your point?")

"Think it's a bit late for my emotional backstory, don't you think?" She jokes, and Nat glances at the clock. She's going to hate herself for this in the morning. "Maybe, another time."

And then she yawns, making Nat glance at her clock. She winces. She's probably going to regret this in the morning, but glancing down at the books scattered around them, she figures it doesn't really matter.

"Hey, Lot?" She calls out, before Lottie can exit. "My office. 9am Friday." Lottie frowns. "I could do with some help learning about the Earth."

She looks surprised, before a smile appears on her face. She gives a salute as she goes, and for the first time, Nat finds that she doesn't really mind the mocking action for once.

"You got it, Nat."

~

Falling for Lottie Matthews feels a lot like being space sick. But Nat doesn't mind

Lottie is laughing about something, and Nat wonders what would happen if she just walked over and sat with them. Lottie feels her attention, glancing in Nat's direction. There's no exchange, or at least not any that's obvious. But Lottie moves her head slightly, gesturing with her hand, as if to motion Nat over to them—an invitation of sorts.

The only difference is that this time, unlike the other instance where Lottie had called Nat over, shouting the word "Nat!" and playfully sulking when her heckles are either ignored or met with a middle finger, Nat hesitates. It's barely noticeable, probably undetected by anyone else, but she falters slightly, opening her mouth as if Lottie would be able to hear her respond, and she doesn't realize until she's shaking her head that the word she was going to say is, for once, three letters, not two.

Nat doesn't accept, of course, she doesn't, a small shake of her head before she's on her way, but it doesn't leave a bad taste in her mouth anymore. And when Lottie lets her go, gives her a small wave, Nat thinks that maybe she could try and get used to Lottie.

~

Nat is grateful for a lot of things. She's grateful for meeting Jackie Taylor when she was sixteen years old, and she's grateful for the rest of her friends she'd met that she now considers family.

She's also grateful that Lottie became a doctor and not a teacher.

It's not that Lottie isn't smart enough, not that she doesn't explain things well, because really, Nat leans more from talking to her than she does in a week's worth of reading. The problem is that Lottie can't stay focused on one subject to save her life. Her teaching is haphazard as best, skipping from Earth's geography, to its time zones, and then over to a story about the one time she went in the sea in the middle of winter, and her toes went blue. Though, after two weeks of learning about Earth from Lottie, Nat finally understands the seasons. And that alone, is more than enough.

It's weird, at first, getting used to no longer avoiding Lottie, and now actively seeking her out, but Nat is handling it well. It helps that Lottie is, well, Lottie.

She makes it easy to like her, Nat finds.

"So, what do you call the first man on the moon?"

Or maybe not.

"Aren't you supposed to be teaching me about Earth?" Nat deadpans, throwing the globe version of the planet towards Lottie, who catches it easily.

"You can't have the moon without the Earth," Lottie says, before making the globe spin. "Where shall we go, Nat?"

It's all a blur of blue like this, but Lottie asks the question like she's serious, looking at Nat expectantly, and booing when she doesn't answer. She stops the globe from spinning any further with her finger, making a pleased sound, like she meant to choose where she does.

"One day, I'll take you here," Lottie says, and Nat frowns, leaning closer so she can see where Lottie is pointing—the middle of the Atlantic ocean.

"So, you want to drown me," Nat answers dryly, and Lottie's laughs all brightly.

"It sounds bad when you put it like that."

"As if there's a good way of putting it."

"I think you'd like the sea, you know," Lottie continues, ignoring her. "If you don't get space sick, you probably won't get seasick either. We could go on a cruise to the Caribbean, I've heard pirates like it around there." Nat looks at her blankly. "You'd laugh if you knew," Nat makes a face. "You're right, you probably wouldn't laugh."

Lottie knows her so well.

"Though, land isn't so bad," Lottie continues. "It's got internet connection, convenience stores-" The ship rocks to one side, probably coming into contact with some space debris, and the sudden movement causes Lottie to stumble slightly. Nat bites down a smile as she fights herself. "Stability."

"Yet, you held me at fucking gunpoint in order to get a place on Yellowjackets," Nat says dryly.

Lottie makes a face.

"I was hoping you'd forget about that."

Nat shrugs, and then the Earth comes hurtling back to her, very nearly colliding her forehead. She manages to catch it just in time, clutching it above her head, before looking at Lottie in shock.

"That's how they think the moon was formed," Lottie says breezily, as if she hadn't just chucked a projectile at Nat's head without any warning. "Another planet hit the Earth, and then the debris of the two planets combined and formed the moon."

Nat looks at her like she's mad.

"What the fuck? Why?!"

"I don't know. I guess their orbits intersected for some reason-"

"Not that!" Nat snaps. " This ," She holds the globe protectively to her chest when Lottie reaches for it again. "You could have injured me."

Lottie huffs.

"You're so dramatic sometimes," She puts on a low voice. "Lottie held a gun to my head', 'Lottie tried to crack my skull open with a globe', 'Lottie put pineapple on my pizza even though I'm Italian.'"

There's a lot to process there.

"Wait," Nat frowns. "You put pineapple on my-"

"No," Lottie interrupts.

"You just said-"

"No, I didn't."

There's a long silence. Nat opens her mouth.

"There you go, talking about it again! Ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?"

"Uh, no."

Lottie falters.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry."

Nat is starting to think that being acquaintances, friends, whatever this is, with Lottie, is more taxing than just disliking her. At least then, she knew where she stood.

~

Lottie was obviously made for what she does.

Her consultations had run over, so Nat had turned up at Lottie's office to wait for her, taking a seat behind Lottie's desk and playing on her phone.

Nat has had her fair share of dealing with pediatric doctors, even if they weren't for herself, and it's immediately obvious that she's one of the good ones. It's not like any of them were necessarily bad, at the end of the day, they were just there to do their job, but Lottie clearly goes beyond that. Today, she's wearing a princess tiara because it was one of her patients birthdays, and while Nat has no clue how she managed to get ahold of that in the middle of the milky way, she appreciates the commitment

Lottie talks the kids so well, gentle but not patronizing, coaxing them out of their shells in a way that doesn't come across as forceful, and Nat can't help but listen in on their conversations sometimes, a smile on her face.

Lottie is currently having an appointment with Lisa, and the first ten minutes of the appointment had consisted of the six year old girl showing Lottie all the drawings she had done that week, holding them up to the screen so the doctor can see them clearly, pleased when she oohs and ahhs at the appropriate times. Nat remembers when she first started having appointments she would still be very shy, hiding behind her parents the whole time, but now she sits in front of the webcam all by herself, and talks a mile a minute. About everything, except what she's there for.

Nat can't help but smile at the familiar conversation she overhears.

"And are you sure you don't have any ouchies?" Lottie asks, when they've moved on from the drawings, and onto how she's feeling. The little girl shakes her head aggressively, smiling widely, and Lottie can't help but smile back, even if she knows that she isn't being entirely truthful.

Her mother sits in the next room, within hearing distance, and Lottie knows from them that Lisa hadn't been feeling well the day before, which is why they'd moved their weekly appointment forwards slightly. Lisa, on the other hand, doesn't seem to think it's relevant, more excited that she was able to see her favorite doctor sooner than usual.

She doesn't tend to tell her how she's feeling unless she coaxes it out of her, making her promise on her stuffed bunny toy that she was telling the truth. That always gets her. As stubborn as she is, she's not willing to risk the life of Kodi for anything. Still, she's starting to get wise to the tactic, bringing the toy to every appointment so she knows that she's safe, forcing Lottie to think of another way around things

She looks around the room, thinking, before her eyes land on Nat, who is playing some game on her phone, face scrunched up in concentration. Her eyes widen when it hits her, and then she's turning back to the screen, an innocent look on her face.

"You know, Lisa, you remind me of someone I know," Nat says carefully, the little girl looking up from where she's playing with Kodi's ears, and tilting her head in curiosity. Only when she knows she's got her full attention, does Lottie continue. "Captain Scatorccio."

Said Captain looks up at that, narrowing her eyes when Lottie glances over at her. She's smiling, but there's a sly look in her eyes that Nat recognizes straight away. More than once, she'd been at the receiving end at whatever plan came from such a look.

Lisa gasps, eyes going wide in concern, before moving closer to the camera, her whole face filling up the screen. It's a low blow, Lottie knows, but ever since Lottie had come to Yellowjackets, Lisa had been asking after the Captain, seemingly convinced that she was the coolest person ever.

("I thought I was the coolest person ever, Lisa?"

"You're cool too! But Captain Scatorccio can fly !")

"She has an ouchie," Lottie says solemnly, looking pointedly at Nat, who glares back at her.

Lisa gasps again, before disappearing from the shot, leaving Kodi abandoned on the seat next to her. She appears again a few seconds later, with some paper and a crayon in her hand, looking serious. Or as serious as a six year old in her pajamas, brandishing a purple crayon can look.

"Where does it hurt?" She asks, hand poised to write down the symptoms, and Lottie has to stop herself from laughing when she looks at her expectantly, pointing at her head.

She can't help but feel fond, when she imitates what she always does. It's a way she gets the kids to identify where they're hurting, without having to say it themselves or try and find the words for it. She points to different body parts—her head, big toe on the right foot, and ear lobe—until her hand rests on her chest. Lottie nods, and she looks distraught.

"As you can see, Dr Lisa, I'm afraid it's quite serious. It's her heart. It's been broken," Lottie says sadly.

Nat rolls her eyes, putting down her phone and resting her chin in her palm, shaking her head. You're a fucking dick , she mouths, and Lottie looks scandalized, before knitting her eyebrows together in faux concern.

"What do you suggest we do, Doctor?"

Nat learns about heartbreak at 16 years old, and never really stops learning about it. She just feels it less. Even if it does infect your whole body, burrowing its way underneath your skin until it's all you can feel, can't imagine ever feeling anything else, it doesn't last forever. Not in that form, at least. Pain loses its pulse when Nat allows herself to breathe again, gives herself space to let it simmer into nothing over time. Time is good like that, Nat now understands. Because pain doesn't have to be felt forever, and it certainly doesn't have to be felt alone.

Everything isn't exactly okay now, but it's just this. This, being a heartbreak that doesn't ever heal, but no longer splits you in two, and a life with a gap but a life that carries on regardless.

Lisa scrunches up her face, thinking for a while, before her expression brightens.

"Eating more veggies?" She suggests, and Lottie grins, nodding enthusiastically. Lisa sits a little straighter, proud look on her face.

"I've heard talking helps too," Lottie suggests nonchalantly, making the girl tilt her head, confused. "It's best to be honest about how you're feeling, so we can work out how to make things better."

Nat has a feeling that Lottie isn't saying that just for Lisa's sake.

Still, it seems to work, the little girl hesitating, before quietly mentioning that she wasn't feeling well the day before. Lottie is gentle when she asks her questions, and Nat guesses that she can't be too mad about being thrown under the bus, because it's not long before Lottie is pointing to random body parts, just to make Lisa giggle. At least they now know that she doesn't have a sprained tongue, or a fractured elbow.

"You know, Captain Scatorccio always takes her vitamins too," Lottie adds, just as the session is about to end, and Nat has to stifle her laughter.

Getting Lisa to take her vitamins is a weekly struggle the doctor has with her, because she doesn't like the taste of them.

There's silence.

"She does?" She asks, and Lottie confirms it, nodding seriously.

"It makes her a good captain. Just like you will be one day," Nat knows that Lottie is saying that for Lisa's sake, but Lottie calling her a good captain has her eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

She puffs her chest.

"Good captains have to be strong, brave, cool!" She exclaims, and Nat can't help but wonder what handbook she's reading from, and how she can get her hands on it.

"Well, Captain Scatorccio is strong and brave," Lottie says, and Nat feels touched, until Lottie the next part. "But she's not very cool."

That's more like it.

Lisa must disagree with Lottie, because she shakes her head aggressively, a pout on her face.

"Captain Scatorccio is the coolest!" She exclaims, and Nat shoots a look at Lottie— told you so . Everyone knows that being called cool by a six year old who has never met you is the biggest compliment you can get. "And when she fixes her broken heart, she'll be even cooler."

Lottie nods in agreement, thanking her for her diagnosis, before concluding that they're done for the day. She asks Lisa to get her mother, so she can talk to her, and then she's making Kodi wave, bringing her right up to the camera to kiss Lottie goodbye.

"Ready to learn about the greatest planet in the universe?" Lottie asks, turning to Nat when the session is finished.

"What was that about?" Nat asks instead, and Lottie ignores her, in favor of clearing her things away. There's a small smile on her face though, so Nat knows that she'd been heard.

"Did you read that chapter I set for you?" Nat rolls her eyes. Lottie doesn't set her homework, and even if she did, she knows that Nat wouldn't do it. "It was Chapter six—All About the Weather."

"Matthews."

Lottie finally looks up, amusement on her face.

"Sorry Natalie, I just don't think you're that cool," Lottie says faux sympathetically, patting Nat's shoulder patronizing as she goes past.

Nat sputters.

"It's not me, it's you."

~

"You can't put a yellow on top of a green," Shauna points out, explaining the rules for the third time. "You need to either put down a green, or another color that has a six on it."

Lottie is objectively the smartest person in their group, not only by having a degree, but getting through medical school and becoming a fully certified doctor. But for some reason, Uno seems to be her kryptonite.

Lottie studies her cards carefully, before placing one on the table.

"That's a nine, Lottie,"

"Not if you look at it upside down," Lottie points out, sitting back in her chair, and folding her arms over her stomach.

She's got a point.

She takes the nine back when Shauna refuses to accept it, flicking through her deck with a frown on her face.

Nat feels bad for her, looking at all the cards that Lottie has, so many that she can barely hold all of them. She'd tried to help her out, only using her pickup cards when the direction of play was reversed, but unfortunately it hadn't made much of a difference, and had only really resulted in Jackie getting pissed off with her.

From where she's sitting next to her, she can see that Lottie has plenty of cards she could play, some better than others, and she leans forward to look at them. Lottie turns to her with a frown, holding out the deck so Nat can see better.

"I don't think that's allowed," Jackie points out, though she shuts her mouth when Nat glares at her.

The Captain points one out, a green plus 2, making Shauna scowl at her when she's made to pick up two extra cards, while Nat smiles at her innocently. Technically, it was Lottie that did it.

She's tied with one card with Tai, and she's pretty certain that she's going to win, since her only card is a plus 4, which can go on top of anything. When it gets to her, there are already four plus 4's stacked on top of each other, each one going down with a chorus of shouts from the players. The next move should be obvious; Nat puts down her matching card, and wins the game.

So, why does she hesitate?

She knows for a fact that Lottie doesn't have any plus 4's, probably wouldn't know what to do with one even if she did, and for some reason her heart tugs as the thought of putting Lottie through that.

Nat looks helplessly at the single card in her hand, sighing heavily, before leaning forwards to take sixteen cards from the deck.

"Whipped," Jackie mutters under her breath.

Luckily, the comment is drowned out by the sound of Van cackling. She dances in her seat, before throwing her single card down when it gets to her turn, smirking at Nat, before turning to Lottie and thanking her.

Thinking about it later, Nat doesn't know why she did that. It's just a game, but she'd always been competitive, never one to give other people a chance, believing that all is fair in love and war, and more importantly, in love and board games.

But she supposes that if Lottie had always been good at getting under her skin, that doesn't necessarily always have to be for bad reasons.

' I think it's because you let her ' , Jackie had said, and Nat is starting to think there might be some truth in that.

"Why does everything have to be so confusing?" Lottie asks once the game is over, throwing her stack of cards into the middle of the table with a huff.

Nat finds that she can't help but agree.

~

The navigation tower of Yellowjackets isn't really used anymore. It's a leftover from when the ship was used for military reasons, when there was a need to look out for other ships getting too close, but Nat likes to go up there sometimes, and feel the universe envelope around her. The tower is all enclosed, but once you've climbed the ladder and reached the platform at the top, it feels like you could reach out and touch . She's sleepy, eyelids heavy, but she barely blinks, trying to take it all in.

Earth is getting close now, soon enough they'll be able to look out and see it.

You don't see stars like this when you're on land. The cities, the light pollution, creating smog and covering them up. It's artificial there, but above it all, in an atmosphere owned by no one, you can see them clearly, small pinpricks of light among the ink. They will never get close enough, the stars whole other galaxies away, some acting as the suns to a completely separate solar system, but they're comforting to see all the same.

Her attention is only drawn away from the sky when she hears a sound. It only happens once; a clicking noise that she strains to hear again. It doesn't happen, the usual sound of the ship humming all she can hear. Nat tilts her head back up, figuring she must have imagined it. But then, there it is again, louder this time. She frowns and stands up, peering over the side of the navigation tower to investigate the noise.

"Holy shit, is that fucking Rapunzel?"

And the sun is even closer.

There's not a lot of space up there, since it's not supposed to be used by more than one person at a time, or anyone at all, but somehow Lottie had figured out that Nat was there, and took it upon herself to come visit.

Lottie grabs Nat's outstretched hand to heave herself up, making Nat tumble backwards with the momentum of the extra body, before shoving Lottie off with a grunt, making the medic roll over, and land face up on the ground.

She rights herself after Nat shifts around a little to make space, and she's pretty sure they've been talking about nothing for about half an hour now. Lottie spends the majority of that time telling Nat about her patients, and while before Nat had liked the quiet, she's found that she likes this too. Listening to Lottie talk.

Nat closes her eyes and leans her head back against the tower wall, humming every so often to show that she's listening, while Lottie talks low. She laughs, the sound coming from deep in her throat, when Lottie talks about the last appointment she'd had with Lisa.

"She's a good kid," Nat says, blinking her eyes open again, to see that Lottie is already looking at her. She doesn't really mind it. "I used to be a pain in the ass when I was younger."

Lottie snorts at that, giving her a pointed look - 'what do you mean used to be'. She can easily imagine a younger version of Nat running around and causing trouble. That stubborn attitude of hers, paired with her reckless demeanor, combined perfectly. Perfectly, depending on how you see it.

"I never did anything bad, exactly. I was dumb," She pauses, unsure she really wants to share, before deciding fuck it, Lottie already knows too much about her. "Dumb and angry, I guess."

Lottie doesn't push, and for that she's grateful.

"Jackie helped me a lot back then," She hesitates, then thinks fuck it .

She takes a breath.

"My father died when I was sixteen."

Then lets it go.

It feels good to get it out, and she hadn't even realized it was a weight, until she's said the words. The tower is enclosed, but it still feels like it goes somewhere else, like she's telling the entire universe at the same time, but doesn't have to hear their responses. It's the looks of sympathy, the one that she's never really thought she deserved, never really thought she needed. Because when they say it's such a shame, that the universe is so cruel, all Nat really knows how to do is agree.

Lottie doesn't say anything, just lets her talk, and Nat has always appreciated the fact that Lottie knows when to let someone do that. As much as being a doctor is about knowing what to say, it's more important to listen to what you're being told.

"There was nothing I could have done to make things better, but I spent so much of my teenage life feeling so fucking angry that I couldn't do anything, or stop it from happening. So, I acted out, started doing reckless things because for some reason after losing someone, you start to feel untouchable."

Lottie nods, like she understands, even if she doesn't.

"That's actually how I met Jackie. She's the one that got me into this thing, actually. Flying, I mean. I tried to steal her space buggy," Lottie raises an eyebrow, almost impressed by the brave act. "And then she taught me how to properly steal it."

Lottie's laugh is short, surprised, and Nat smiles. It's unconventional, the way she and Jackie became friends, but she's starting to realize that really, the best things are. She looks at Lottie, the way she stares back, face open, free of judgement. Really, the best people are too.

Jackie was usually the one called to calm Nat down when she'd get frustrated when no one listened to her, throwing chairs and kicking plant pots in frustration. It was never towards anyone, she wasn't intending to hurt people, but it was difficult to deal with. Then there's Jackie's hand on her shoulders, and she's telling her to breathe— in, out, in, out, that's it Nat, you're doing well.

"She took me out on a little pedalo ship one weekend, a small carrier the next. She even took me on this fancy ass yacht off the coast of some hot planet that I never caught the name off. At the time I didn't realize that she'd stolen every one of them," She stops herself, one side of her mouth tipping upwards slightly. "No, not stolen. Just borrowing. That's what she'd always say."

Lottie laughs at that, not surprised.

"She's still a thief," She points out, recalling the time a few weeks ago that she'd caught Jackie red handed stealing a spoonful of her mashed potato. The thief, with their cheeks full, had just shrugged, said she would return it if she wanted. Unsurprisingly, Lottie hadn't asked for it back.

"It helped, though. Being able to escape for a bit. On planets you just walk and walk, and never really get anywhere, and I never liked staying in one place. This way I'm always moving towards something."

"And away from something?" Lottie asks lightly, and Nat hesitates, before nodding, feeling almost ashamed. She looks down at her hands. "You know, there's nothing wrong with that."

She looks up, and Lottie is already looking at her. Nat is starting to realize that she always is. But she doesn't mind it.

"Sometimes the push is bigger than the pull, but it doesn't mean you aren't leaving for the right reasons," Nat nods. She'd never really thought about it like that. "And if it helps, I think you turned out alright."

Nat exhales sharply through her nose.

"Just alright?"

Lottie tilts her head, pretending to think hard.

"I'd say so."

She laughs when Nat pokes her in her side.

"I guess you're alright too sometimes, princess."

~

Nat doesn't mean to let Lottie get so close.

She doesn't realize how late it is until Lottie yawns from where she's sitting cross legged on the floor by the filing cabinets, surrounded by books and papers. It's hard to tell the difference between night and day where the sky doesn't tell you, and it's easy to lose track of time.

The clock is in single digits, and she turns to Lottie to tell her, but her heart stops when she sees what Lottie has in her hand. She's frowning, looking down at the documents, and Nat presses her lips together grimly.

"Nat..." She winces. "What is this?"

She doesn't answer, frozen in place, though she's calmer than she thought she would be. There's a slight panic drumming in the back of her mind, but there's a feeling of acceptance there too. She can't say that she expected to be caught so soon, but she'd always known that the inevitable had to happen one day. She just didn't expect to be so relaxed about it.

If anything, Lottie looks more stressed than she is, looking up at her with confusion written all over her face.

While Lottie bends the rules, Nat breaks them. But neither of them have the power to change the things that aren't negotiable.

"Looks like goody two shoes, Scatorccio isn't as much as a stick in the mud as I thought."

What comes up, must come down.

~

"I can't believe all my friends are drug lords," Lottie grumbles, stabbing her fork into her dinner. "And even worse." Stab, stab, stab. "They didn't even bother to tell me."

Nat winces. It sounds a lot worse than it is.

Nat really didn't want to have this conversation over the dinner table, but she needed to have everyone involved present, and Tai had insisted that it wasn't a good idea to talk about such a heavy topic on an empty stomach. The seven had been forced to sit down together before proper discussions could take place, and she expected it to be awkward, but not quite this awkward.

Laura Lee sits, wracked with guilt at one end of the table, and Lottie seemingly takes her frustration out on her food, not even eating it, more pulverizing it into smaller pieces, while the rest of the group remain silent.

"What do you want to know, Lot?" Nat asks eventually when it gets too much, and next to her Jackie looks surprised that she'd been the one to start the conversation.

Lottie puts down her utensils, before meeting the eye of everyone around the table in turn. Laura Lee shrinks into her seat, but Nat stares back when the gaze lands on her. Lottie raises an eyebrow at her, clearly expecting the Captain to shy away from it, and it feels like the beginning again, but this time it's Lottie showing hostility towards Nat.

"I have a lot of questions," Nat thought as much. "Explain to me how it works?"

Nat glances at Tai, since she's the one that carries out the logistical side of things, and is probably the person who can answer the question the best.

"Yellowjackets transports millions of dollars of cargo at a time, which mainly consists of drugs for private pharmaceutical companies to sell abroad to neighboring planets. We're the middle man between the supplier and the seller, which means that we're able to intercept whatever they're sending, before it gets to their destination."

Lottie frowns.

"Surely, the sellers notice when they receive less stock than they expected."

"We have that already covered," Tai hesitates, looking at the captain, who nods, before answering. "Nat has connections all over the solar system at every stage. We have people that adjust the stock file on pharma's end, others that help with getting the goods out of Yellowjackets and to our required destination without detection, when we arrive at the planet. There are also people stationed at the spaceports who let us know if people are starting to sniff around, so we know to be careful."

Lottie glances at Nat, and she almost looks impressed.

"And how long have you been doing this for?"

"Nat approached me with the idea a few months after she became captain of Yellowjackets," Jackie explains. "The others only got involved when we wanted to scale up the operation and needed to recruit more people that we could trust."

The first time, Nat can admit that she was scared. She'd been on edge since they'd received the cargo, only settling down once they were midair and heading to their destination planet, and only completely calm when the stock was confirmed to arrive where they sent it. It had been easier than she expected, and before long the process was running like a military operation, helped by the crew members that she enlisted to assist her.

Looking around the room, Lottie isn't surprised that the group were so loyal to one another. She had known when she arrived that the six members were close in a different sort of way, some sort of family. She just hadn't imagined that there was so much riding on it. And that they'd be willing to risk so much for their captain.

"How much have you made from all this?" She's met with identical confused faces, and she falters. "Why are you all looking at me like that?"

The seven women look at one another, before Jackie turns to Nat.

"You didn't even tell her that?" She asks, and Nat doesn't know what else to do, but shrugs. She'd figured it was best to do nothing until they were able to get together and handle the situation as a group.

"We don't make a profit, Matthews," Nat says finally, and this time, Lottie is one who looks confused. "We have a partnership with a healthcare organization that supplies medical supplies to underfunded hospitals. We transport the goods, fix some numbers in the process, and organize a pick up of a proportion of the drugs and equipment at whatever planet we're traveling to. "

For once, Lottie is rendered speechless.

"So, not Captain Hook. Robin Hood," She muses eventually, focusing back on Nat with an unreadable expression on her face. Nat doesn't know what that means, but at least Lottie doesn't seem angry. "Why you?"

Nat frowns. She expected more of an interrogation, but Lottie doesn't even sound angry.

"Why not me?" Nat answers simply. "I have authority, I have connections-"

"No, I get that," Lottie interrupts. "But just because you can, doesn't mean you should. You do know you're insane for this, right?"

Nat does know that. But she also knows that she's just the right amount of insane to do something like this, and still come out clean every single time. All it takes is one mistake, trusting the wrong person, for the whole operation to crumble, and Nat had always known that was a possibility. She'd just never cared. And she knows the rest of the group feel the same way.

"Be honest. If you have the same opportunity as me, you would do it too," Lottie starts to say something, maybe protesting, maybe agreeing, but Nat doesn't give her the chance. "Tell me you wouldn't do anything within your power to help one of your kids. Including this."

Lottie falls silent, sitting back in her chair.

It's a low blow, but Nat wouldn't have said it, if she didn't believe it.

She hears the way Lottie talks about the kids she treats, the way her face lights up when she does, the way her body sags when she talks about how much pain they're in sometimes, and even if Lottie doesn't say anything, her face says it all. No one has to say it out loud, but they all know Lottie would go to hell and back for her kids.

"I don't think we're that different," Nat says, and Lottie smiles for the first time since they'd come into the room.

Nat hadn't realized she was holding her breath until some of the tightness in Lottie's expression loosened, the small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. She'd never cared about what others thought about her, but she'll admit that it means something that Lottie seems to get.

"Even when you're committing a crime, you manage to come out as the good guy." She says, and Nat suddenly feels awkward.

Nat doesn't know what to say, because she isn't so sure that Lottie is right about that. Even if she forgets it sometimes, she'd always known that people are shades of good and bad, a type of gray that sometimes they don't fit in the boxes that you want them to. Or the ones you expect them to.

"I don't think I'm the good guy you seem to think I am," Nat points out. She doesn't think she's a bad person, but she also doesn't know if she's a good person. She just knows that existing somewhere along the continuum is what works for her. Bad for good reasons is still bad.

"You are from the side I'm on."

And space isn't supposed to be dark but it is.

"So, what can I do to help?"

The room suddenly becomes loud.

"No way," The words came out of Jackie's mouth, but Nat was thinking the same, shaking her head before Lottie had even got the words out. "You're not getting involved."

"I trust her," Laura Lee says calmly, and the room goes silent, before an argument can break out.

It surprises Nat that she'd never doubted whether they could trust Lottie to be involved. The issue was more that she didn't want to involve the medic in something so obviously illegal, that had a very real possibility of it ending badly. She would want anything to happen to her friends, she'd never forgive herself, but Lottie had people who needed her. She thinks of Lisa, about how she struggles to talk to people and how much progress she'd made with Lottie, and can't imagine making her start again with someone new. More than that, she doesn't want Lottie to get involved, and doesn't want to risk getting her into trouble, because it's Lottie . She doesn't want to think about why, for her, that's enough.

"Are you sure about this?" Nat asks carefully, the group falling quiet again.

At the same time, it's Lottie , and while she's good at a lot of things, staying out of trouble isn't one of them. She'd probably try and get involved no matter the circumstances. Lottie knows how to look at herself, Nat knows that. She's just reluctant to put her in a situation where she might have to.

"I'm sure, Nat," Lottie answers.

Nat hesitates, and at the other side of the table, Tai groans. She already knows where this is going, and can see it in the way Nat hasn't immediately said no. What was it that Lottie had said on the day they met?

"Don't make me regret trusting you," Nat says, and Lottie's eyes go wide, before she's smiling.

Don't get into trouble, unless you're with her.

"You got it."

~

"How's your heart?" Lottie asks one afternoon, and Nat rolls her eyes, following Lottie into the infirmary, and watching her put her things back into the cabinets with a frown on her face.

"My heart is doing just fine."

Lottie makes a sound like she doesn't believe her, opening up different drawers as if she's looking for something. Nat spots the stethoscope at the same time as Lottie does, clamping her mouth shut, and stepping back.

"I just need to be sure. Your health comes first, Natalie," Lottie says sincerely, and now Nat knows that Lottie is just trying to be a pain. She would never address her by her full name if she were being genuine. "Come here."

Nat shakes her head.

"I need to check that there aren't any irregularities in your heartbeat," Lottie says, putting the stethoscope around her neck and warming the chest piece in her hand. "It won't take a minute."

"Actually, I just remembered I have an appointment I need to get to," Nat blurts out, and Lottie presses her lips together, trying not to laugh, before schooling her face into a curious expression.

"Oh, really? What sort of appointment?"

Nat's mind goes blank, and she wills herself to say anything.

"A doctor's appointment."

Anything, apart from that.

"Who with?" Lottie continues keeping up the act, even as Nat is wincing at herself.

"A doctor."

Nailed it.

Lottie gives her a deadpan look, and Nat sighs. She looks anywhere but at Lottie, who places one hand on Nat's back to keep her upright. She instinctively looks down when Lottie looks up at her, not realizing that she would be so close.

"What did I tell you about breathing, Natalie," Lottie murmurs, and Nat exhales. She still needs to work on that.

She jumps when she feels Lottie's fingers brush against her cheek, the touch gentle.

"It healed well," Lottie says softly after a few moments, voice quiet, like talking too loudly will shatter the moment surrounding them. Nat gets it, feels the fragility of what they are now, whatever that may be, but thinks how nice it would be to just not care for once.

It takes her a while to understand what Lottie is referring to—the small scar that had formed from her injury back on Pluto. It hadn't taken long to heal properly, but it had left behind a small indentation in the skin, that Nat barely notices, unless she's looking for it.

"You almost fucking disfigured me," Nat says, unable to resist reminding Lottie that she was the one who had caused it. Lottie scoffs at the dramatics. "Are you ever going to apologize?"

Lottie drops her hand from Nat's face, letting it rest on the captain's shoulder instead. For once, she doesn't feel the need to shake it off.

"Probably not," Lottie responds, and Nat can't say that she's surprised. "Think of it like a souvenir."

Nat raises an eyebrow.

"Why would you need a souvenir, when you're always here?"

It's supposed to be a joke, but it comes out more gentle than she intended it to, voice bordering on fond. She coughs, hoping that Lottie hadn't noticed, though the medic tends to be too observant for her own good. Especially when it comes to Nat.

"Looks like that's going to stick around for a while," Lottie continues, and even if she doesn't say it directly, Nat isn't sure if they're still talking about the scar anymore.

"I don't mind," Nat breathes, and Lottie smiles.

They're not talking about the scar anymore.

Lottie removes the hand on Nat's shoulder, unhooking the stethoscope from around her neck and placing the earpieces in. Nat's shirt is loose enough that Lottie can just pull her collar down to access her chest. Lottie's fingers brush her collarbone when she moves the fabric to the side, and Nat has to stop herself from jolting, like she's been burnt.

There's a reason that you can't get close to stars.

The pressure of the stethoscope against her chest is a little cool, but not bad, and she stays silent as Lottie listens, willing her heartbeat to slow down. She has no such luck.

"You're nervous about something," Lottie says suddenly, removing the stethoscope, and hanging it over her shoulders again. Even though her voice is quiet, Nat swears she hears it echo around the room. "Your heart is beating really fast."

Haven't they already been through this?

Nat doesn't answer, laughing nervously, before trying to step back. She forgets that Lottie is holding her in place.

"Do I make you nervous?" Lottie asks, getting her answer when Nat hesitates. Lottie's eyebrows pull together, genuine concern on her face. "I'll leave you alone if you want me to."

She lets go of Nat then, tries to take a step backwards, but is stopped by a hand pulling her back. It was clear that Nat hadn't meant to do that, had just acted by instinct, but she can't really go back now that she's got a fistful of Lottie's shirt.

"Stay. I don't want you to leave," Nat says, not knowing how to continue.

Lottie takes pity on her, raising Nat's hands from her shirt by tapping her knuckles, making it flatten against her chest instead. She can feel Lottie's heart now, how it beats as fast as her, and it's a relief that she's not the only one.

"I want you..." Lottie looks at her expectantly, and while Nat had intended to finish her sentence, there isn't much more to say. "I guess that's it. I just want you."

Lottie's eyes widened.

"Oh."

("Yeah. Oh .")

"This is probably a bad idea," Lottie warns, but that doesn't stop her from moving closer, adjusting herself so she's got one hand on Nat's waist, another below her jaw. And that doesn't stop Nat from leaning into the touch, tilting her head up slightly so she's breathing against Lottie's lips.

"Probably," Nat agrees.

And then she's tipping forwards.

There isn't a supernova in her chest, she doesn't see stars behind her eyes, but there's something like a click in the back of her mind. It's a warmth that she didn't even realize she was reaching for, a fraction of a burning star sitting underneath her palms, and Nat is scared to press too hard, incase is crumbles between her fingers.

It feels like completing an orbit, going straight back to the start, but this time, not minding that you have to do it all over again, because the familiarity is exactly what you need right now. Nat thinks that she wouldn't mind going round again and again, if this is how it would feel.

It isn't desperate in the way that it could be, not so frantic that she doesn't know when she starts and the other person begins, but it still takes the breath from her lungs when Lottie's hand tightens at her waist. When Lottie pulls away it's too soon, though Nat is grateful that her hands stay anchored on her, and isn't sure what she would do otherwise.

"You're shaking," Lottie says quietly, and Nat hadn't really noticed until she said it.

Nat is never like this. She always feels in control of herself in every situation, especially in moments like these. She's able to kiss just once, fall into it without a second thought, a means to an end. But she finds herself hesitating here, because this is Lottie, and somehow, that means something. Somehow, that means everything.

"I'm okay," Nat says back, and really, she means it. "It's just because it's you."

Lottie smiles and cradles her chin reverently, tilting her face to fit their noses together as she leans down to kiss Nat again. Nat’s lips are warm, parted just slightly in surprise as she presses against them softly, artlessly, even though it’s the simplest kiss. As soon as they touch, she sees Lottie’s galaxies burst behind her closed eyelids. The awe-inspiring galaxy she's somehow found her way to is Nat, where not only is Nat not overwhelmed by her intense feelings but, somehow, returns them, even a fraction of them. Nat tugs her closer abruptly, kisses her harder, and tries to feel the details of this moment with her body instead of her head so that she has something tangible she can believe is real. Lottie pulls away, lips parted slightly. She breaks away one of her hands from her waist to cradle Nat's cheek soft enough to press their foreheads together. In that fittingly impossible moment, Lottie believes her.

Lottie pulls away, cupping Nat's jaw more firmly, tilting it up slightly, so Nat is looking at her. Really, she always is.

"It's just me," She says. "I won't tell anyone, if you don't want me to," Lottie hums, fingers dancing along the back of Nat's neck and brushing the skin underneath her collar, her touch somehow feather light but burning all at once.

Nat wants to tell Lottie that she hadn't even thought about that. Because despite what she'd said, this isn't just about wanting things, wanting people who aren't yours to want. See, she's got self control, could stop herself from touching if she needed to, but her chest aches to hold. It's not about people knowing, honestly she couldn't care less.

That's what she should've said, but instead, she just nods, hoping Lottie understands.

"You're still not cool, though," Lottie says, before she steps out of Nat's arms. She feels cold where she stands, unsure what to do with her hands, not because she doesn't have a body underneath them.

"I'll change your mind," She answers, and Lottie looks at her like that's all she ever does—surprise her, change her mind. Nat looks away and plays with her ring. "So. About the weather..."

For some reason, Lottie laughs.

"I've got you talking like an Earthling, already, huh?"

Nat doesn't get it.

Lottie is smiling with all her teeth, and Nat finds her eyes lingering on the way the grin takes up her entire face, the way it crinkles by her eyes, forcing them shut.

She blinks, shaking herself out of it.

Clearly, Nat doesn't get a lot of things.

~

Earth is more blue than Nat expected it to be.

When she sees it for the first time—because really, sleep deprived, seven year old eyes don't take in much, before they glue themselves back to the cartoons playing on the spaceship's back of seat monitors—she forgets what she's supposed to be looking at.

Nat hears a commotion when it happens, a small crowd of people looking out of the windows and pointing excitedly.

Earth is more blue than Nat remembers, with swirls of white above patches of green, and maybe one day Nat will regret not looking for longer, not staying focused for her first proper sighting of the planet. Because really, she didn't take it in properly then, doesn't take it in properly now, but it's nothing to do with the planet itself, and everything to do with the person who calls it home. Who also sees Earth for the first time, and can't seem to look away.

Sitting level with the stars, even the most familiar of places look foreign, because it's all well and good knowing about the sea and the land and the clouds, but it's another to look down on them from above. If there is a heaven above, it must look like this—like being surrounded by darkness, just to turn a little to the left, and see home right in front of you.

Nat finds Lottie at the watchtower. Earth looks closer from here.

Lottie has never seen Earth like this, and Nat feels like she shouldn't be looking, when Lottie gasps, fingers pressing against the glass, because sometimes we forget that we can't just reach out and touch just like that. Earth looks small from here, a marble in the sky, and it's easy to imagine plucking it from the night and putting it in your pocket. It's even easier to imagine pressing it beneath your thumb, a reminder that the smallest things are often the most delicate, and often need the most care.

"Are you excited to go home?"

Nat doesn't know how she ended up by Lottie's side, but she's starting to realize that maybe it's not so bad a place to end up. It isn't quiet, it isn't calm, but every breath Nat takes feels too loud, like an interruption.

"Is it weird that I didn't miss it, until right now?"

There's a lot of talk about not knowing what you've got until it's gone, but for Lottie, she doesn't ache from the absence, until it's right in front of her eyes. To know what you've lost is one thing, but to forget what you've got is another. Now that Earth is all she can see, a spot of blue amongst black, light amongst dark, it's easy to miss what you have chosen to run from. From here, home can be covered by Lottie's thumb, and isn't that so strange?

Nat has never felt homesick, but she guesses this is what it must look like. And Nat has never ached for a place, never thought a place could ache for a person, but she wonders if the planet had been waiting with bated breath for Lottie to come home too.

She gets it.

"What do you think?" Lottie asks, voice soft, and Nat's brain short circuits, because Lottie really needed to be more specific, because the question gives Nat's mind permission to explore the depths of her thoughts, not related to the question at hand. "Isn't it beautiful?"

Nat exhales, thinking of everything she shouldn't say.

'Yes ' is a start, and Nat would be telling the truth, but for some reason, she doesn't think her and Lottie are talking about the same thing.

"It's very blue," Nat points out eloquently, and she's grateful when Lottie doesn't seem offended, laughing, but nodding all the same.

Because really, they'd said the same thing.

"Is that the only word you can think of?"

Nat doesn't know much about Earth, probably knows even less about Lottie, but she can't help but think that she wouldn't mind finding out. That blue isn't so bad, even if she doesn't know what it means. She glances at Lottie, and realizes that she's holding her breath, her chest tight for some reason. She can think of other words, but none that are relevant right now.

"There's nothing wrong with blue."

Beautiful and blue, something like synonyms, different but the same, and Nat can't explain it, but Lottie doesn't ask her to. Because she doesn't need her to. Former to latter, something like land to sea, something like love to-

"How about 'Home'?"

Nat thinks about it, and Lottie sighs again, tapping on the glass in front of her, trying to make cracks form so she can reach her hand through the glass and hold home in her palms. Nat looks at Lottie and wishes she could do the same.

"That works."

And Lottie smiles.

"I should probably give you this back before we land, huh?" Lottie says, and it takes Nat a moment to realize what she's referring to, looking down to see her badge on Lottie's shirt.

She'd forgotten about that bet until now, smiles thinking back of where they were at the time, how much anger she had towards Lottie. Now she just sees gold, like everything Lottie is, everything she represents. She looks up at Earth, looks down at Lottie, and shakes her head.

"You can keep it."

It's an admission, one that Nat doesn't have to think about anymore, but Lottie waits, gives her the chance to take it back. She doesn't.

Nat was never homesick until she met Lottie Matthews.

She'd always thought that it must be strange to leave and have somewhere to come back to, to know that there's something waiting for you when you get back. It must be strange to look down from the stars and ache to go back to what you're moving away from. And it must be strange to miss, and be missed. She looks at Lottie, thinks of pushes and pulls, and wonders what it means when the one thing keeping her grounded also makes her feel like she can touch the stars.

She has more to say, but doesn't know where to start. She guesses it doesn't matter, because Lottie looks at her, like she already knows. Like she knows that they may have the entire universe around them, but Lottie is all she can see.

~

"Lisa's worried about your broken heart."

Lottie had pulled her aside one afternoon, and asked if she could sit in on her next session with Lisa. She had been quiet lately, more so than usual, and Lottie finally prized the reason out of her in their last session. Apparently, she was worried about Captain Scatorccio, and no matter how many times Lottie had reassured her that her captain was completely fine, she had refused to take her word for it, until she saw that Nat was okay for herself.

With her parents' permission, Nat was introduced to her one afternoon. The problem was that seeing Nat had made her close up even more, too nervous to even ask the questions that she wanted to, which had led to Lottie acting as a sort of translator for the two, recounting the concerns Lisa had expressed previously. Her main concern was related to Nat and her broken heart.

"I'm feeling much better, Lisa," Nat reassures her. "My heart has been put together again."

She doesn't seem convinced, fiddling with Kodi's ears in her lap. She looks like she wants to say something, looking between Lottie and Nat on the screen curiously.

"Captain Scatorccio," She eventually says quietly, and Lottie glances at Nat in surprise. She never usually warmed up to people this quickly, but then again, she had been talking about Nat constantly since Lottie had told Lisa about her. "Did Dr. Matthews fix your broken heart?"

Lottie flushes. Why did she have to go for the heart?

"Don't," Lottie murmurs under her breath, so the microphone won't detect it.

Nat bites her tongue.

"Lisa-"

"Yeah, she did," Nat interrupts, and Lisa giggles. "Fixed me up, all good and new."

Lottie glances at her, sees that Nat is already looking at her, and has to look away. She forces a smile when Lisa starts talking about what she's been doing that week, nodding at all the right moments. Next to her, Nat nods along too, showing her the emblem on her jacket when she asks to see it, laughing when she gets excited over the gold glimmer.

Lottie glances down at the badge of her shorts, the fraction of Nat that still sits on her lapel, and she thinks that must mean something. Nat says it like she means it. Lottie just hopes that she does.

~

Earth is series of snapshots

"Ready to see my home?" Lottie's hand tightens around her own, and Nat squeezes back.

She exhales.

"Let's see it."

~

"Have you ever been to the moon?" Lottie asks, gasping when Nat wrinkles her nose in distaste. "In middle school there was a school trip there, but I had laryngitis so I couldn't go, but people have told me what it's like."

"What's it like?"

"Well it's a throat infection so it was pretty painful to be honest..."

"The Moon , Matthews."

Lottie smirks.

"I've heard it has no atmosphere."

~

The first place Lottie takes her is the sea, and Nat spends the entire boat ride with her head between her legs, Lottie rubbing her back. She groans when a particularly hard wave crashes into them.

"What was it that you said about Earth having stability?" She asks later, when the dizziness stops and she's got both feet back on the ground.

She never thought she would miss it, the feeling of land under her feet, but she guesses you always want what you can't have.

Lottie sighs sadly.

"Maybe you wouldn't have been a good pirate, after all," She pauses. "Stick to space?"

Nat nods.

"Stick to space."

~

Nat finds Lisa sat cross legged on the deck, with her jacket around her shoulders, the Yellowjackets emblem sitting proudly on the material. She looks up when Nat's shadow lands on her, face lighting up. Nat is ready for it when she stretches her arms up, sighing exaggeratedly, before picking her up in her arms. She throws her arms around her neck, making Nat catch her jacket when it slips off her shoulders.

It's a far cry from when they'd first met, the little girl hiding behind Lottie's legs when she'd come from the door, and Nat can't believe that she's made so much progress in just a few weeks. She doesn't know why she squeezes her harder today, holds her longer, but she treasures it all the same, swinging her around when she asks her to.

"I have something for you," She says, after a few moments of Lisa chatting her ear off, and though she grumbles a little when sshe sets her down again, she looks up at her in anticipation.

She crouches down so they're eye level, and she stares at her wide-eyed when she gets something out of her pocket, hiding it in the palm of her hands. She reaches forward to uncurl her fingers, gasping when she sees what's there.

She holds it out for her, but to her surprise, she doesn't take it straight away, an uncertain look on her face.

"I don't think I would be a good Captain," She says sadly, and Nat thinks her heart must really break when she says that.

"You would be the best Captain," Nat says firmly, though Lisa looks unsure. "You're the strongest, bravest, coolest person I know."

She shakes her head.

"I'm not very strong," She trails off, throwing her arms up helplessly. Nat releases a sigh of relief. She would laugh if Lisa wasn't so obviously distraught about it.

"It's not about being strong here," She reassures her, lightly pinching her arms, making her squeal. "There are some things that even I can't lift,"

She says it like it's an anomaly, and she giggles.

"And it's not about always being strong here," She moves her hand to rest gently on the top of her head, smoothing a few flyaway hairs as she does so. "Some days, we just don't feel right."

She then catches one of her hands and presses it against the left side of her own chest, waits until she knows that she can feel her heartbeat.

"If you're strong here, that's what's important."

She hesitates.

"Even if it gets broken?" She asks, and Nat smiles, thinking back to their first conversation.

"Even if it gets broken."

She grins.

"That's when it has to be the strongest."

They look up to see Lottie standing above them, and Nat's breath catches. Nat doesn't think she'll ever get over seeing her like this—bathed in sunlight. If she thought she was gold before, it's nothing compared to this.

"Nat, your heart is beating really fast," Lisa says suddenly, and Nat flushes, while Lottie laughs, pats her head sympathetically.

"Traitor," She mouths, and Lisa just giggles. She had clearly been spending too much time with Lottie.

Nat clears her throat.

"What do you think, Dr. Matthews? I think Lisa would make a fantastic co-captain of the Yellowjackets ship."

Lottie grins.

"The best."

She kneels down so she's the same height as them both too. Nat hands her the item in her hands. The gold captain's badge is just like Nat's, but in a smaller size. Though, it's not like she even wears her own anymore.

Lisa straightens her back, resting one hand on their shoulders to balance, as Lottie clips it onto her shirt. She looks down at it in awe, before looking back up and throwing her arms around them both.

"I'll keep an eye on the ship, if you look after my home here," Nat whispers.

Lisa nods, pressing her grin into her neck. She meets Lottie's eye over her head, sees the redness on her cheeks, and can't help but grin too.

"Your home, huh?" Lottie asks later, when Lisa had gone home. "I guess Earth really won you over."

Nat shakes her head. They both know what she meant.

~

Nat is 16, and thinks she's never going to feel okay again.

"What do you call the first man on the moon?"

Nat rolls over, peers through half lidded eyes, and sees sun-kissed skin under the moonlight. She can only think of one word.

"Lucky."

Nat is 19, and doesn't think she's going to feel okay again, but accepts it. Lottie looks down at her, absent-mindedly brushing Nat's bangs back so it's not covering her face, swiping her thumb across her cheek.

"I don't think that's it," She says, hand dropping when Nat buries her head under the pillow.

Nat is 27 and thinks that space is dark because it needs to be.

"I think it is."

How else are you supposed to see the stars?

The symptoms of space sickness are sometimes mistaken for falling in love. Nat looks down at Earth, feels her chest kick, and knows which one it is.

"What's got you thinking so hard?" Lottie asks, reaching out to play with Nat's hair. "Thinking about me?"

She's joking, but Nat is far too gone, exhaling a shaky laugh, because really, that's all she ever does; think of Lottie and think of space, and think of how sometimes they feel like the same thing.

She'd just got back from a mission to Mars, had trouble staying focused the whole time, and only really felt settled when they were coming back, and she saw Earth appear in front of her.

"Aren't I always?" She admits, too honest for her own good, and Lottie gives her the sweetest smile, knocks the breath out of her, while outstretching her own hand, brushing her fingers against Nat's.

It shouldn't really do much, but Nat's chest betrays her all the same, heart skipping just because a pretty girl wants to hold her hand.

Wasn't she always just waiting for Lottie to crash through the office door and disturb her and wasn't she always anticipating what the next comment would be to come out of Lottie's mouth, wondering if she'd sound better if she caught those words with her mouth?

Doesn't she think of the entire universe, and imagine a person?

Lottie moves her hand from the deck, to tug Nat closer to her by the waist, the blonde girl ending up on her lap. Lottie loves the weight of her there, the way their bodies pressed together. Not even in a sexual way, she just craves the closeness, loves the feeling of Nat being the only thing she can see, the only thing she can feel.

"Like this?" Nat can barely think, but she still nods, one hand on Lottie's back, the other pressing into her side. Yeah, she'd thought about Lottie like this.

She's careful when she leans forward, just the smallest tilt of her head.

"Like this," Lottie smiles, fingers uncurling so her hand is cupping the side of Nat's face protectively. "And like, everything else that comes with this ."

And then, she closes her eyes, and tips them off the edge of the universe. Or at least, that's how it feels. Like they've been sitting on the edge of something for a while now, and it's only now that they're prepared to fall down. It's something inevitable, like gravity, Nat thinks; to fall for people that you probably shouldn't.

Lottie melts into her, coaxing Nat to where she wants her, and it doesn't prove difficult when she lets Lottie take it so easily.

She leans back, feels Lottie smiling against her lips, and then she kisses her again, and again. She thinks about how she could probably do this forever, and not get tired of it.

"I'd like that," Lottie murmurs, thumb rubbing Nat's lips, prompting her to pry her lips apart. " This , and everything else."

Nat sighs when she feels Lottie in her mouth, her hands gripping at the hair at her nape.

"You're gonna kill me." She presses her forehead against Lottie's for a moment, the taller girl humming.

"Don't worry. I know CPR."

Nat groans, attempting to push Lottie away, stopped by the arm wrapped around her waist, keeping her from getting too far. It's not like Nat was trying particularly hard anyway, hand still resting on Lottie's back.

Lottie latches onto her hand, tugging her a little, and Nat lets herself be pulled forward.

"What, you don't think saving lives is sexy?"

Nat mutters something, and Lottie, who is definitely close enough to hear her, smirks.

"What was that?"

Nat rolls her eyes, huffing. She laughs when Nat tries to chase her lips again, unable to kiss properly because she's smiling, and Nat leans back to look. She almost wishes she hadn't, because now she never wants to look away.

"I said, yeah," She grunts, narrowing her eyes at the shit eating grin on Lottie's face.

Lottie plays with Nat's hair, purposefully ignoring the frown on Nat's face, until the last possible moment.

"Don't be sad," And then more gently. "Your side, always. Don't forget it."

She doesn't.