Archive of Our Own

Dear Lexie W,

I know you must be very confused, and in this letter I’ll try my best to explain what’s going on. First, you probably wonder where you are. This is my home, and you’re at my home office. I’m not sure how much your superiors at Lumon have told you about the pandemic, but there’s a virus spreading all around the globe called Covid-19. We don’t yet know how dangerous it is, and that’s why all office workers have been ordered to work remotely for an indefinite period of time.

Our chip has been configured so that you’ll exist in my home office only. I tried to make it as comfortable for you as possible. Please let me know if you need anything, if your chair is ergonomic enough, if you want different snacks - anything, really! All of this is new to me as well, so feel free to ask. I’m here for you.

Oh and one more thing - now that I can’t enter my your room anymore, could you please check the drawer, there should be a picture of me and a woman with dark hair, that’s Janie, my ex girlfriend. She doesn’t live here anymore, so you don’t need to worry about her barging in. Anyway, that picture is important to me and I forgot to take it before the chip was reconfigured. Could you pass it over the doorstep? That would mean a lot to me.

Let’s make this work!

Best Regards,

Your outie, Alexandra Washington (everyone calls me Sandy)

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What the fuck??? Where is my team? Am I confined to this tiny room from now on??? I DID NOT CONSENT TO THIS! I want my friends, I want my normal office! Take me back right now! And you can forget about your stupid picture. You have no right to treat me like this.

Fuck you!

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

I’m so sorry. I guess I failed to explain the severity of the situation. With Covid-19 around, I’m not permitted to go to the office. I’m barely permitted to go get groceries. I’m not happy about this either. I mean, I just lost at least 25% of my home. This is not a big apartment, and now I had to give a whole room to you. This was not my idea, but we just have to make it work, you know?

Like I said, if there’s anything I can do to make you more comfortable, please let me know.

I would really appreciate, if you passed me the picture.

Sincerely,

Sandy

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I apologize for the tone of my previous letter. I just had a video call with Mr Milchick, and he explained to me that this is indeed not your doing. I don’t know anything about this virus, but I sincerely hope this situation will resolve quickly. I should have some rights, you know? Like, the right to my office, to my team? Can you promise me I’ll get them back?

I hope you understand that this is a lot to take in. I had a life there. Now it’s gone. I need some time to process this. I hope you give me that.

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

Of course. Take all the time you need.

Could you please, still, get me the picture of Janie and me?

Sandy

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Dear Sandy,

Sorry it’s taken so long for me to get back to you. This is a lot, you know. I really miss my team. It’s very lonely in this tiny little room. I feel like these walls are closing in, I have no one to talk to (and no - the Zoom calls with Mr Milchick do not count). I know this is not your fault, and I’m sorry for taking this room from you. But to tell you the truth, I’m miserable here!

Anyway, I’m sorry for taking this out on you. It’s not your fault.

Here’s your picture.

Lexie.

P.s. Janie is cute. Want to tell me something about her? What happened to you guys?

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Dear Lexie,

I’m sorry you feel this way. I can’t even imagine what it’s like, to suddenly have your life uprooted completely. I wish there was something I could do for you.

Covid sucks for us, too, though. We have to wear masks whenever we go out. I haven’t seen my mom in person since this started. I’m constantly worried over her, since she’s old and has a lung condition. I’m really lonely, too.

Janie and I, well… it just didn’t work out. We were too different. She wanted a family, a white picket fence, stuff like that. I wasn’t ready. I wonder if I’ll ever be. She found someone who could give that to her. I’m happy for her (who am I kidding? No I’m not).

I’m sorry you have to be here, but at least this is a chance for us to get to know each other?

Love, Sandy

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Dear Sandy,

You know what? You’re absolutely right. Since we can’t do anything about this situation, we can at least make the best of it. At Lumon, they don’t allow us to communicate. But here? They can’t stop us from passing these letters over the doorstep.

I’m not going to lie, I can’t wait to get back to my cubicle BUT as long as I’m here, I’m welcoming the chance to get to know you. You asked me before if there’s anything you can do for me, and the truth is, your letters definitely make me feel better. So keep them coming!

Well, that and some chili peanuts, I love them. And some energy drinks. Sugar free, preferably, I’m watching my our waistline.

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

I love chili peanuts! I should have known. Here’s a bunch. And some energy drinks, too. I’m not that into them, I’m a coffee girl myself, haha.

I’m so happy you’re feeling better about our situation. And you’re totally right, this is a unique chance for us to get to know each other. I know you can’t talk about your work, but if there’s anything you can tell me about yourself, I’d love to hear.

For example - is there anyone special for you, at the office? Sorry if I’m prying but I’m just super curious and you asked me about Janie, so…

Don’t feel pressured to answer, though.

For what it’s worth, I like that you’re here.

Love, Sandy

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Dear Sandy,

Straight to the point, haha! I’m going to be honest with you. No one at the office has caught my eye like that. I mean, they’re definitely my friends, and I love them - as friends. I still haven’t met the one, I guess.

I’m sorry about Janie. But I think you did the right thing. If you want different things, it was never going to work out. One of you would have resented the other. You’ll find someone who appreciates you the way you are, and all the things you can give them.

I don’t think I want kids either. I’d love to get a puppy, though.

Waiting to hear from you,

With love,

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

Your words made me tear up. I think I’ve been waiting for someone to give it to me straight, and you did. And you did beautifully. I always thought I failed Janie, that I was a coward. But maybe that’s not how it was. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be.

You know, this past month with you here… it’s been great. I don’t mind you having the room. I know you’re waiting to get back to the office, to meet your friends, and I’m doing everything I can to make it happen but… I’m still happy you’re here.

I care for you, Lexie. For real. It’s been a privilege to get to know you.

Love, Sandy

P.s. Now that you mention it, maybe I should get a puppy! I love dogs!

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OH MY GOODNESS! I LOVE THIS PUPPY! WHAT’S HIS NAME? I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GOT A DOG IT’S THE CUTEST!!! SANDY YOU’RE THE BEST!!!!

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Dear Lexie,

I can see you met Hunter :D . I’m glad you get along well.

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Dear Sandy,

I don’t know what to say. You’re the best. When this whole remote work thing started, it felt like the end of the world, like I’ve just been sentenced to prison and I didn’t even know for how long.

But I don’t feel like that anymore. You’ve given me so many things I never thought I’d have. Getting to see a slice of real life here, in your home. Getting to know you. Having a pet (I love Hunter so much, he puts his head on my lap when I work, it’s the cutest). What I’m trying to say is, this is different from my life at Lumon but… different isn’t necessarily bad, you know?

I was so scared in the beginning, but now I feel like I can do this. With you. I care for you, too, Sandy. I really do.

With love,

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

It’s late. I’m a little drunk. I guess you’ve never been drunk? Would you like me to pass you some wine? Just be careful with it.

Anyway…

Lexie, I don’t know how to say this. Like… I’m really happy you’re here, you know. Ever since Janie left I haven’t… I didn’t think I’d still have this much fun with someone. Your letters, they’re my favourite thing these days.

I guess what I’m trying to say is… I don’t necessarily wish for the pandemic to pass anytime soon because then I wouldn’t get to talk with you anymore. Does that make me horribly selfish? I guess it does.

I hope you’re not mad at me, Lexie.

You just mean a lot to me, you know.

With love,

Sandy.

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Dear Sandy,

Thanks for the wine. I didn’t drink much, though. I can’t be drunk at work, I’m a professional. Anyway.

Your letters mean a lot to me as well. But I hope you understand, this is temporary and while I enjoy our conversations, I need to know that you’ll get me back to Lumon as soon as it’s possible. You can’t get too attached to me. I’m not mad at you, but Sandy, our friendship can only exist through these letters and once I get back, it can’t exist at all. You can’t let it become too important to you.

You should meet someone you can actually be with.

I’m just trying to protect you.

With love, Lexie.

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Dear Lexie,

You’re speaking the words of wisdom, as usual. I was a little drunk the last time I wrote. I hope you forgive me.

But I’m not drunk now and I just want to say this:

Even if this doesn’t last, it doesn’t mean it’s worthless. I’m aware this is temporary, but so is life. So is everything! You were the one who said let’s make the most of this. So let’s do that! I don’t want to hold back just because this is destined to end.

You’ve shown me that life is full of surprises, and had you not come into my life I’d still be pining over Janie. But now I feel like I’m living again, and it’s all because of you.

So yes, I’ll help you get back to Lumon. Yes, I accept this won’t last. But no, I won’t suppress my feelings just because this won’t be forever. I’ve learned to live in the present, and that I will do.

Love, Sandy.

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Feelings? What feelings are you talking about?

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Oops, did I say feelings?

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Sandy, do you have feelings for me?

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I don’t know, Lexie, do you have feelings for me?

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Fuckkk I don’t know! We’re the same fucking person, how twisted would it be if I had?

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You didn’t answer my question.

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Fine! I guess I have some… feelings.

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Lexie, I don’t know what to say. I have feelings, too.

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So what now?

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I have no idea.

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Dear Lexie,

It’s been a while since I heard from you. Is everything okay? 

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Dear Lexie,

It’s been two weeks since I got a letter from you. What’s going on? Please let me at least know you’re okay.

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LEXIE PLEASE!

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Dear Sandy,

I’m sorry I’ve been distant. I needed some time to sort out my thoughts and feelings. The truth is, I’ve fallen for you a little. And what can I say, we’re pretty hot, haha. But really, it’s true. I’ve known for a while now. I wait all day just to wake up to find a letter from you. You’re all I think about. I wish I could sleep so I could dream of us together.

And it’s fucked up, Sandy. Because we can’t even be in the same room. We can’t exist at the same time. So obviously, we can’t have a relationship. Right?

But then I find myself thinking, is this not a relationship? Here we are, communicating. Long distance relationships have been around forever. Is this so different?

See, I keep trying to find ways to make this work, but I always come back to the insanity of it.

So that’s why I’ve been distant. I’m sorry. I don’t want to waste anymore time. I want to be with you any way I can. Even if it’s just… this.

I love you, Sandy.

Your Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

I know I should be terrified but I can’t help it. I’m floating, I’m on cloud nine. My stomach is filled with butterflies.

Love finds a way. We’ll find a way.

I love you too.

Your Sandy.

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Dear Sandy,

I’ve been thinking how we could… you know? ;)

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Lexie, you’re naughty! Tell me more ;) 

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I mean we obviously can’t physically but… if you got me a camera, I could make you a video? And then you could make me one, too?

You get me? ;)

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

Here’s a USB. Make sure not to accidentally share it with Mr Milchick. It has some… sensitive content ;) 

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Dear Sandy,

I watched your recording. Let me just say… I enjoyed it a lot ;) . Here’s my response. I hope you find mine as intriguing as I found yours.

I love you.

Lexie

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Dear Lexie,

It’s been six months since you came into my life. I just wanted to say… I don’t know, happy half-anniversary? Or something. 

It sucks that I can’t sleep next to you. But at least I can dream of you. I can dream of us together. And knowing you’re there, somehow it’s enough. Somehow, as strange as this relationship is… it’s the best one I’ve ever had. I feel safe with you. I feel valued, just the way I am. I know you’d never hurt me.

I love you.

Sandy

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Dear Sandy,

Could you do something for me? This may sound strange but… I’ve never dreamed. Can you stay up late until you’re very tired and then come to my room? I’d like to know what sleeping is like.

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Of course! Just wait for tonight! This is so exciting. I’ll get you a pillow and a blanket, too.

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Dear Sandy,

I slept! It was amazing! This is what you do every night? That’s… wonderful.

I had a dream about us. It was beautiful. Thank you so much for letting me experience this. Maybe we can do this again sometime?

I’ve never been in love before, but I feel very sure about us. Like I’ve known you forever. And in a way, I have.

I wish there was a way for us to always be together for real. And yet, somehow this is perfect.

You looked very beautiful in your last video, by the way.

I wish I could kiss you.

Lexie

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Dear Sandy,

What’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in days. Is everything okay?

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Dear Lexie,

I’m sorry I was gone. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to tell you this. Mr Milchick called me on Monday. He said the covid restrictions will be lifted in June, and he’ll expect me to return to the office in two weeks.

Obviously, that’s not going to happen. I won’t give up on us. I love you, Lexie, and there’s no way I’d lose you now that I’ve finally found you. Of course I know you miss your teammates and I won’t keep you from them. But we’ll find a way. I’ll negotiate with Lumon, maybe two or three remote days a week?

Don’t get alarmed, baby. We’ll find a way.

I love you always.

Sandy.

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WHAT? You can’t keep in the dark like that. Tell me what’s going on. Mr Milchick hasn’t said anything of the sort to me. Did you tell him about us??? Sandy, I need your answer asap.

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Calm down, baby. We’ll figure this out, okay? I’ll talk to him.

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Sandy, what’s going on???

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SANDY I’M SCARED WHAT’S HAPPENING?

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Sandy,

I’m scared to walk through that door. Because I’m scared that the second I do, I’ll be at Lumon and I’ll never hear from you again.

You know Lumon the way I do. This thing between us, they won’t take it well. If they knew… Sandy, I’m sure they told you to keep any communication with me to the minimum. If they knew that we’re… that we’re fucking TOGETHER, they’d lose their shit.

You don’t know these people like I do. Please, Sandy, don’t tell them anything. If you do, you’ll lose me for good.

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Dear Lexie,

You were right. And I’m so sorry. I tried, I fucking tried. I don’t know what to fucking do.

They told me that unless I return to the office full time, I’ll be fired. I have to do it, or they’ll kill you.

I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.

FUCKING HELL.

I love you, Lexie baby I love you so fucking much.

I don’t know what I’ll do without you.

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Sandy, how long do we have?

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Just tonight.

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Fuck.

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Please Lexie I can’t lose you. I’m so lost without you. I’m just fucking lost.

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Sandy, here’s what we’ll do. They can’t take away from us what we had. They can’t do it, okay? We’ll always have this. We’ll always have the times we had, okay? You’re in me and I’m in you. We share this body, it’s ours. You’re mine and I’m yours, no matter what.

Every time I get in the elevator, I’ll hug myself as tight as I can, so when we switch, you’ll know it’s me.

I’ll lick my lips, and it’s my tongue that you’ll feel.

Because baby, you can’t lose me. Not ever.

Just like I can’t lose you.

Please take care of Hunter, will you?

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Dear Lexie,

This will be the last letter you’ll get from me. When you walk out the door, you’ll be at Lumon. I’m happy your friends will be there, to take care of you. I’m sure you’ve missed them so much. It gives me comfort to know you won’t be alone.

I don’t want you to worry about me, either. I’ll find a way. You showed me that we can find happiness in the strangest, most unlikely of places. When I thought there was no one left for me in the world, when I thought I would never love again… there you were. My person, my perfect person. My Lexie. There, inside me.

I’ll be okay. Hunter, too, though I know he'll miss you.

Like you said, I can’t lose you, and you can’t lose me. We’re always with each other. My skin is your skin, my lips are your lips. We’re one. What we had was special, and don’t ever let anyone tell you it wasn’t real, because it was.

Goodbye, my love, and good luck.

And thank you.

For everything.

Yours, forever.

Sandy