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Dark smoke rose in slanting, smooth lines to the moon shining above the earth. Him golden eyes were half-closed, either from the smell of a cigar under him nose, or because of the bright rays of the “night sun.“ He usually slept at this time, but today, as in the previous couple of nights, Connie couldn't even close his eyes. His eyelids, though heavy with fatigue, still couldn't close completely and let Springer sink into a blissful sleep. Why? The soldier himself didn't know either.
Although, somewhere in his soul, he realized that most likely, his lack of sleep and frequent insomnia were caused by buzzing thoughts in his ears and head. and him thoughts were of the man who had long ago taken Connie's heart and was clutching it in his callused palms. The gray-haired young man was thinking, what would Reiner be like without a part of himself, without an armored titan? Braun said that almost his entire personality was based on this strength, not to mention his fighting style.. Although, they won't have to fight anymore, they won't have to watch other people die, and they won't have to be the one who gives people death. and Springer understood the blond man's words quite well, because he himself had once lost someone who was part of the brain, heart and soul of this soldier. He had lost someone who understood him better than the others, who could understand him without words.. but that was a long time ago. a long, long time ago. And now, Connie just wanted to live in the present and the future, but suffocating memories from the past haunted the gray-haired fighter.
He coughed slightly, took the cigarette out of his teeth and covered his lips with his palm. Springer had never smoked, and he didn't really want to start, but right now he didn't really care about his own principles. His eyelashes fluttered and his eyes watered from the bitter taste when the soldier heard slow footsteps behind him, followed by someone else's low voice.
Not sleeping again? – for a couple of seconds, Connie felt ashamed that he was hunched over on the balcony in the middle of the night. He must have looked weird.
—yeah.. My eyes close, but I can't fall asleep. Springer complained falsely, forcing a faint smile before turning to look at his companion.
-And you, Rei? Got up in the middle of the night and started looking for me? Connie grinned, putting his hand on his hip. The blond man smiled affectionately and laughed, coming closer to the gray-haired guy, but the smile faded from the warrior's lips. He sensitively caught the pungent smell of smoke and confirmed his suspicions when he saw a cigarette between Springer's fingers.
Reiner, standing next to Connie, asked, looking away from the cigarette. -... do you remember when you said that people who smoke are idiots who only ruin themselves and just justify their stupidity with worries, but in fact feel sorry for themselves and let despair get the better of them?
The question from Braun's mouth sounded too casual, too calm, as if he was having a hard time.. Does it matter? Or maybe he wanted to laugh at Springer? The last one sighed and took a deep drag, which made him cough again. Wiping his lips with his fist, Connie wheezed, looking down from the balcony at the trees spreading under his feet, mixed with bushes and wildflowers that seemed to be visible even from such a height.
-I don't smoke.. simply.. I'm messing around. It's nothing. Sometimes you want to relax and forget about...-The gray–haired soldier did not finish his sentence, but bit his lips. He didn't want to, no, he couldn't tell Reiner what he was worried about. No matter how much Connie wanted to hug this blond warrior, no matter how much he wanted to kiss him all over, bite him from all sides, thereby showing his innermost feelings, he could not. Once upon a time, Braun had already left, and it hurt as much as it never physically hurts.
Springer might have sunk into the depths of his worries if a sudden touch hadn't pulled him out of the pool of fears. Reiner took his hand and squeezed it so hard that the soldier grimaced. Soon, the blonde, of course, loosened his grip, it didn't make it any better. Connie's heart was already beating a hundred, maybe a thousand times faster. He tried to pull his hand away from the warrior's arm, but he was stopped by the even more sudden voice of the blonde. gentle, affectionate.. It was as if they had returned back to the days of their training, when there were still inept cadets around, the smell of hot bread coming from the cafeteria was in the air, and inside these two cadets, in their hearts, there was a wonderful feeling. which threatened to stroke them both. love. That's how Reiner's voice sounded right now.
–Con.. I've made a lot of mistakes, terrible mistakes. And you've forgiven me.. helped me deal with it. I haven't completely let go of the guilt yet, but.. He gave me hope that I was worth something, that I didn't deserve to suffer and die. You've become my raison d'etre.. He chuckled softly, but the corners of the warrior's lips remained downturned. his cheeks began to turn pink .
–if something is bothering you, please tell me. I won't get mad or resent you if you don't want to talk to me about something personal, but if you feel bad, I'll always be there for you. Please remember this..
At Braun's words, the soldier felt as if his heart had turned inside out. It was painful, but at the same time, even pleasant. He snorted quietly, once again trying to pull his hand out of the blond's hand, but Connie, carefully raising his gaze to Reiner's face, noticed that he seemed to have shaved! Springer's eyes widened. He turned his whole body to the warrior, nevertheless pulled his hand out of someone else's grip and squeezed the man's chin with it, causing him to yelp painfully. Connie was indignant.
-What?!! You.. have you shaved!?? Reiner, what fly bit you? A beard suited you so well! - At the soldier's "yapping", Reiner giggled and rolled his eyes. - Well.. A one.. "bird" told me that a beard doesn't suit me very well. So I decided to try to get rid of it. - Springer raised an eyebrow, pouted, and poked his thumb into the man's lips, silencing him.
-Hey! What kind of bird is that? I'll pluck all the feathers off that tasteless bird! - he muttered.
Braun laughed, loudly, loudly, which at first seemed insulting to Connie, but he didn't even notice how he started laughing himself. also loud and also ringing.
They laughed like that for about three more minutes, until the warrior, wiping tears of laughter from his cheeks, said. -you've become so much like yourself, Con! like.. The way you were five years ago.. – from this, Springer immediately fell silent, became more serious. Reiner did the same.Connie felt even more ashamed.
Maybe now that Connie has changed, Reiner is no longer interested in him? Maybe Braun had long forgotten about him and their feelings? or maybe the he stopped loving..? No, Connie shouldn't have thought about that, no, no.. he exhaled convulsively, and brought the cigarette back to his mouth, wanting to take a few puffs. But suddenly, the blonde's fingers were next to the burnt side of the cigarette. the cigarette rested on the pads of his fingers, leaving a red mark, which made him twitch. Still, Reiner wasn't fully used to the fact that his body was no longer regenerating.
The soldier jerked his hand away, and the cigar fell to the floor, smoking. The gray-haired young man was about to start panicking, but his flurry of emotions was stopped by Braun, lightly patting Connie's head with his free hand.
-I'm sorry, Con.. Something got me carried away, I shouldn't have brought up the past. simply.. Just remember that I'm still by your side.. If we have to fight again, I will be your shield. And with that, he lifted Springer's hand and kissed it, and then smiled at him and left the balcony, examining his injured fingers.
And Connie, still surprised and worried, stared after the warrior, not knowing what to say. but the soldier understood one thing for sure. He won't smoke anymore.