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Zeke thought he’d be fine driving the short way home. He’d pulled over the first time he had to fight his eyelids to open up after a blink. It was better to rest in his truck than risk an accident. He was almost asleep before he’d even leaned the seat back. Things had been rough.
Money as the only handyman in town was great, but the balance for work was… not. Lately it seemed like every person had an issue. He was losing sleep with how many houses he had to visit each day. Not to mention the commissions he had to finish for furniture. He sighed, long days were better than nothing. His eyelids finally beat his thoughts and he closed them for sleep.
In seconds his eyes were open again. He found himself on a dirt road, or something like it. There were trees that looked hundreds of feet tall. The grass was taller than him. He almost thought he recognized the area. A place he and Corus played as kids. It was way too big for that though. Plus random planks of wood popped up all over. Some the size he was used to, others that towered almost as high as the trees.
It was hot too. Summery, but more humid than their area usually was. It felt like he should start sweating, but it was kind of comfortable too. This place in general was kind of comfortable. Homey in a way. He could stay forever. The place gave him energy. Made his body tingle, like there was electricity in the air.
It made him need to move. So he walked. The large place promised an amazing adventure. At least if he knew where to start. He slowed, unsure if walking forward was the best way to go about this escapade. Then he heard something. Humming.
Without any hesitation he went towards it. He’d never heard a voice that he was so curious about. This place did that. Everything was something he wanted to see and understand. It only took a few minutes of walking to find the source of the soft, alluring voice.
Between two of the massive trees was a person. Shorter than him, but with the same golden brown skin. Their black hair reached just below their shoulders. The clothes they wore were odd. Something looked wrong, but he couldn’t quite name it. Their figure was slender and he thought there were curves, but it was like their body kept changing. Something indecisive about them.
A part of him wanted to call out, but another wanted to wait. See what they did, how they acted. Hear that humming for longer, his own private show. Things were different once they turned around. Brown eyes that widened as they found him. Lips that hung open from a dropped jaw. A round face that held a little fat to make their cheeks plump.
“Cute…” Zeke breathed. He’d never seen anyone more adorable in his life. It was the first time he understood why Corus would obsess over girls now and then. This person… he had to know more about them. They didn’t share the sentiment. Already backing away with fear in their eyes. “Wait!”
The words echoed in this strange place. The person responded, freezing as he asked. He actually smiled when he saw that, maybe they were curious too. Still he moved slowly. Giving them plenty of time to run. It felt like a blessing when they stayed still, waiting for him. When he was close enough he reached out a hand, pausing when he saw their eyes squeezed shut. Obviously afraid.
“You didn’t have to stay if you’re scared,” he said. They opened their eyes and glared at him. It felt like he was missing something. He watched as the only thing that continued to move were their eyes. It took too long to finally dawn on him. “Are you… frozen?”
They rolled their eyes implying an “Obviously.”
“Uh, ok… move?”
The word was out and they were running. He watched them go more than a little hurt to see it. He hoped they’d talk. Zeke turned his head and closed his eyes.
Just like that he was back in his truck. The leather of the seat stuck to his skin. All the windows were fogged up, implying he did something very different from sleeping. He forced his chair back up and turned on the truck. He lowered all the windows, a chill from the autumn night immediately hit him. He missed the humid warmth from his dream…
Not even ten minutes later Zeke sat on the couch in his friend’s house. Corus lived only a few blocks away from where he’d parked. It was better to stay there, although the other man wasn’t happy to be woken up at one in the morning. Zeke fell back when Corus threw a blanket at him, at least he was let inside.
Eventually he got himself comfortable with the blanket not on his face. He couldn’t stop thinking about his dream. It had been years since he could remember feeling quite so alive. Ever since he started working full time he’d been so tired. He wanted that feeling again. More than that he wanted to see that person again. They were something special, he knew it. Even if it was only a dream. His mind stayed focused on that impossible place until finally sleep won out.
Again he arrived to towering trees and human sized grass. Humid air and an electricity in his limbs. Before he could even think of moving he heard something. A quiet mumbling that was too soft to make out. He followed it, pausing once he could hear the words.
“No, it should be Mira, she has to be here,” they said. Zeke took small steps forward. Until he could see them. Curled up against one of the towering trees. Knees at their chest and clothes wet from tears. “She’s the one who should see this.”
He approached them. They buried their face in their knees. It hurt. They didn’t deserve this. He couldn’t understand why his mind would make him dream this. If he controlled it he’d never let this person cry. Zeke took a seat a few paces away from them.
“Hi,” he tried. They hugged themself tighter.
“Go away,” they said. He wasn’t one to give up quite so easily.
“Are you hurt?”
“Just go away!”
“Why are you crying?”
“It doesn’t matter, go away.”
“It helps to talk about it sometimes.”
“Just go away, forever. Don’t ever come back here!”
“...I don’t think I can do that.” He tried to catch their eyes, but they moved an arm to make sure he couldn’t. “I think I came back because I wanted to see you.”
They stiffened, but the tears stopped. He waited. It wasn’t hard to be patient. Corus was his best friend and hadn’t been someone willing to open up either. Zeke waited for him and he’d wait for this person. It was rare he actually wanted to know someone new. He wouldn’t walk away because they were hurt by… something he did. Maybe things were like this because he froze them before, but that would mean the dream persisted. Those things don’t happen.
“What do you mean?” they whispered. He scooted a little closer, that made them jump.
“I mean… I want to know more about you,” he said. The silence sat between them for a while. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but it wasn’t one he liked either.
“I’m Kaya…”
Zeke smiled. He liked their name. “I’m Zeke.”
Again silence between them. It was better, but still not quite what he wanted. They finally looked at him, but it was like they wanted something more. Something he should say that would make this better. He didn’t have an answer, but it almost seemed like that was ok. Like this was a normal they could have together.
After what felt like hours he mustered the courage to do something. He lifted his arm and reached for them. The move was deliberately slow. Giving them a chance to tell him no. They didn’t do anything. When his fingers were inches from their face, he was pulled from the dream. Specifically the same hand he’d held out was grabbed by Corus and used to pull him off the couch.
He landed on the floor. Hard. Corus wasn’t usually that rough anymore, but then again his friend wasn’t in the best of moods. Zeke still hammed up the pain from falling on the ground. Rolling onto his back with a ‘woe is me’ speech on his lips. The glare from his rude awakening kept him silent.
“Your phone’s been going off for an hour,” Corus said. It almost sounded like a growl. Zeke still managed to smile.
“So you threw me on the floor instead of the phone? That is an improvement. Therapy is helping,” he said. A bad attempt at a joke. One that fell flat if the glare that he swore got fiercer told him anything.
“I’m not allowed to work so at least let me sleep.”
Corus stormed off before Zeke could answer. He sighed. It hadn’t always been like this, Corus was different before. At some point he threw himself into his work. It was hard to even get a text saying he was still alive most of the time. Now they forced him to take a sabbatical and his friend was not happy at all.
“Maybe he needs an alluring dream figure too,” Zeke muttered. Despite the rude awakening Corus still left him something to eat in the kitchen. At least the guy he knew hadn’t completely turned into a work zombie. He’d worry about Corus later, for now he had some jobs to get done.
The day passed in a blur. By the time he was done it was late again. He thought about going to stay with Corus, but didn’t want to be woken up again. He drove home, a weird feeling in his chest. Like he was going to lose something. He shook it off. At least he tried. It only grew worse by the time he’d gotten into his bed. It took longer than usual for him to close his eyes to sleep.
Relief overwhelmed him when he found himself back in the oversized forest. After one night he couldn’t bring himself to give this up. He needed it. The electric current and… and Kaya. With them on his mind he started his search. Maybe tonight he’d be able to reach out to them. Make it to the point he… He didn’t really know. Something might at least become clear.
“Kaya,” he called out.
Silence was all he got in return. That feeling of loss hit him again. It… he didn’t want them to be gone. For this to be over. He ran. From tree to tree. They all looked the same. The wooden planks didn’t have defining traits either. He had no way to know where he was going or if he was even moving. This warm dream became a nightmare.
The last time he’d felt like this he did lose someone. Lost family. He’d been left on his own since then. Kaya gave him something that he couldn’t explain. Their eyes spoke to him. Their soft voice. He wanted to be bigger. To cover more ground. He wanted this stupid dream of his to give back-
“Zeke?” Kaya’s voice made him stop. He was panting, but he didn’t feel tired. They’d spoken, but he didn’t see them. This place felt different, smaller. “Are you here?”
Then it was normal. The warm, humid dream. Trees towering and Kaya walked out from behind one. He ran up to them, stopping just before he pulled them into a hug. They looked scared, confused, and curious. He stepped back.
“I thought you might be gone,” he said.
“I just got here, but did you feel that?”
“What?”
“Shaking, the ground it was almost…” they shook their head. “Nevermind it wouldn’t happen here.”
“Are you sure?”
Kaya nodded and offered a small smile. It was probably the cutest smile he’d ever seen. They approached him, but he backed up. He didn’t want to touch them anymore. Didn’t want to risk whatever this was ending. He… he needed this. Needed them.
“Is something wrong?” they sounded worried. Nervous.
“No… I’m just glad to see you again. I had a bad feeling.”
They laughed. Zeke already loved that laugh. He wanted these dreams to continue. To keep being here. Their eyes sparkled. His heart skipped when they looked at him. He wanted to protect this sparkle, protect their smile.
“I mean, I don’t think I’d stop coming to my own dream.”
Kaya pushed their hair behind their ear. Of course his dream would think like that. It was fine. All of this was fine. Zeke smiled, but the moment was ruined by something blaring in his ear. He tried to fight it. Stay with them, but that wasn’t happening. The world disappeared, replaced with his ceiling. He groaned before grabbing his phone and silencing the alarm.
A part of him wanted to go back to sleep. It wouldn’t be bad to take a day off. He checked his schedule, nothing for at least four more hours. He set a new alarm and closed his eyes again. He wanted to spend more than a few fleeting seconds with Kaya.
The forest was back. He was alone, but nearby he heard humming. Zeke ran towards it, excited for this chance. Kaya sat alone in a field of flowers that towered over them. It looked like they belonged. He couldn’t bring himself to intrude. Even as they struggled to reach the flower petals.
“Can you help me?” they called. Zeke jumped, unaware they’d seen him. It didn’t stop him from walking over. They gave him a smile again. “Push the flower down, I should be able to reach it then.”
Zeke nodded and did as they said. It was a bit harder than he expected. Still possible, but he couldn’t imagine Kaya could have done it. They pulled one of the petals off and smiled his way again. He could live for that smile. Maybe he did now that he’d seen it.
“Thanks, I… don’t see a lot of these where I live,” they said.
“What’s it like where you live?” he asked. Kaya’s eyes widened. Their smile shrank, barely present and clearly forced.
The world shifted around them. A fallen tree sat in front of them. Almost familiar, but not quite. Everything was too big for him to try and compare to reality. He stopped caring when Kaya moved in front of him. They looked small now. He hadn’t cared about the fact they were shorter than him until now.
“I live here… We all live here,” they said. Soft. quiet. Scared. He wanted to hold them. “I leave a lot though. I don’t really like it here. They’re not too happy with me. They’ll probably be angrier now that you’re here.”
“Why would I make them angry?”
“Because… I can’t be useful with you. Everyone kind of thought Mira would be here with me… Her parents thought I’d bring her home.”
Kaya didn’t look at him. Zeke stood behind them. Saw how they shook. Pain… Zeke knew that feeling. It was how he wound up with his job. He had to be responsible the whole time. Prove he was worth the chances he was given after his parents were gone…
His fear of what would happen was gone. One step closed the space between them. He pulled Kaya into him. Held their thin, delicate frame in his arms. They felt so light. Like holding a bird. Their hands found his chest. Grabbed it in their fists and let out a painful sob.
“Screw them,” he whispered as he tightened his hold. “I don’t care what they say or think about you. I don’t care what they want you to do. I care about you. About right here right now.”
“You just met me… Don’t even know anything about me.” They sounded defeated.
“I know your name. I know I want to know more. Isn’t that enough for now?”
Zeke held them tighter. He wouldn’t let them go. It didn’t matter that this was a dream. It didn’t matter that he’d wake up without them. That he’d never have this person near him in reality. What mattered was that the Kaya in front of him hurt and he hated it. That they carried a weight he knew he’d never understand.
“You feel different than I expected,” they whispered.
“So do you,” he said.
“I don’t want them to know about you.”
“Don’t tell them.”
“But-” He pulled away and looked down at them.
“But nothing.” He cupped their face with his hand. “Let’s keep this a secret for now. Only tell people who won’t push you for anything. Deal?”
Another smile on their face. A nod. A deal that he wanted for himself. He’d keep these dreams secret. Just for him and Kaya. This place was perfect.
And then it was gone. He was staring at his ceiling with his alarm blaring. He could still feel the heat from the dream. The warmth of Kaya’s skin. He sat up, surprised to see his shirt was damp. Another weird thing from the dream. He grabbed his phone and climbed out of bed. It was another full day.
The next few days were a blur. He’d be pulled from a dream where Kaya showed their life. The inside of the fallen tree was a mix between a beehive and ant colony. Shadows of people bustled about. All of it seemed so normal. He couldn’t fathom how he dreamt this all up. None of it had ever crossed his waking mind.
That part of it stopped mattering the more he held Kaya. He loved the way it felt to hold them. Even though the only part that felt solid was their face. Sometimes he noticed they seemed nervous when he touched them. He’d hold them tight, stare in their eyes, tell them how amazing they were. Cute, adorable, strong, brave.
All of that made it better as the busy days started to slow. The first day off in months. The only thing he wanted to do was sleep. Spend time with Kaya. If they left then use it to exist in that forest. Explore it and understand that electricity under his skin. The feeling that tingled and grew stronger the more he went back. Breathe in that humid warmth.
Zeke climbed into his bed full of excitement. Anxious to enter the dream. Hold Kaya as they showed more of their life. The night before they mentioned something they were proud of. He couldn’t wait to see it. So he closed his eyes and waited…
And waited...
And waited…
For hours. Sleep never came. No amount of begging brought the dreams to him. A night without that humid warmth. A night without the electricity under his skin. A night without Kaya. Insomnia had never been a problem for him before. It made him nervous. The possibilities pricked at his skin. Mocking words. Cruel words. Possible truths.
Kaya was made from stress. You relaxed now they’re gone.
They were never real, it doesn't matter.
You started to feel for them. Fall for them. A creation of your own mind.
You’ll never see them again. Better for them. You held them back, made others hate them.
If they were real they’d never like you. Never come near you.
This was over. The dreams, the meetings, all of it.
It should have ended sooner. He should have told someone. Gotten help.
If he questioned it maybe he could have kept it. Maybe found what he was trying to reach. It was gone. They were gone just like everyone else. Just like-
Banging at his door pulled him from his thoughts. Opening his eyes nearly blinded him. The sun had come up. He never slept and if he did the dreams didn’t happen. He… he’d been alone for the first night in at least a week. He hated it. The banging didn’t relent.
With a groan he climbed out of bed. He shuffled through the house until he reached the incessant banging. It was his turn to be annoyed when he pulled open the door to find Corus. Wide awake and… happier than before.
“Man, I was worried you might be working,” he said with a grin that Zeke hadn’t seen in ages.
“Day off, what’s up?” Zeke said. Corus looked at him weirdly for a second.
“You ok?”
“Didn’t sleep, that's all.”
“You sure, I can come back-”
“How many times have I shown up to sleep at your place instead of drive?” Corus started counting on his fingers, Zeke’s point already made. “What do you need?”
“Ok, I’m gonna sound crazy, but I want to make a room. Like a dollhouse room. But more livable, like for someone as big as… no actually probably smaller than a doll.”
Zeke turned around and walked back into his house. He heard Corus shut the door as he followed him. Zeke did not go to get what Corus needed, but back to bed. He was right, it was crazy and not something he wanted to deal with. His friend had other ideas.
“C’mon, I’ll pay for anything you give me!” Corus begged. Zeke pushed himself up to look at his friend.
“Why would you wanna build this anyway?” he asked. Corus looked sheepish for once in all the time they’d known each other. A soft smile grew on his face along with a look Zeke had seen plenty of times before. It was different though. “Who is she?”
“What?!”
“Cor, I’ve known you for how long? I can tell when you wanna impress a girl.”
Corus sighed, falling onto Zeke’s bed. He threw a hand over his face, Zeke sat up. Sleep was definitely not happening today.
“Have you ever had a dream you hoped was real?” Corus asked. Zeke curled his hands into fists. The feeling of Kaya in his arms was gone. The humid warmth a distant memory. That electric current fizzled out… and yet…
“Yeah… I have,” he said. If he looked at what they showed him, then he was a giant next to them. That didn’t matter, never would have mattered. They were all he’d ever wanted. No one could replace them. He knew that already.
“Well… I think I’ve been having one that might be, I wake up with aches like what I’ve been dreaming about was real. It might be crazy, but I wanna make something she doesn’t know I’ve seen.” Corus sat up. “This room, full of stuff. I have some of it, but I don’t know how to make a small room. Also… I was thinking of getting those glow in the dark stickers and putting them in it. A mini night sky, just for her.”
“This is my only day off for a while and you expect me to spend it building a room for someone you saw in a dream? A room that if she’s real she’d probably never use?”
Corus looked away. There was more. Something that made him believe this girl was real. Zeke couldn’t blame him, it was getting harder to believe Kaya was something he made up. Though a night without them made it seem more likely. He stood up and took a deep breath.
“Come on, I have some extra wood that should be good from an old project. Actually no, go buy the stars. It'll be easier to put them on before we put it together. Anything else you wanna put not on the ground too.”
“Thanks, Zeke. I’ll make it up to you.”
“Yeah, you’re buying coffee and breakfast while you’re out. From that expensive place you know I like.”
Corus groaned, “You know I hate that place.”
“I do it’s half of why I like it.”
“Hate you.”
“Love you too.”
A few hours later the two were in Zeke’s garage with a lot of tiny things. Zeke looked from the pile to Corus and back. Hung his head and sighed. Corus had a sheepish grin again. This was nice though. They hadn’t done something like this in a long time.
“Ok let’s start by cutting the wood we need for the walls,” Zeke said.
“Ok I think she’d be like two inches so maybe four high?” Corus said. Zeke paused to stare at him. He was serious… It made him wonder how tall Kaya would be in reality. That place seemed bigger than anything could be here. The grass alone. There was no way he was less than two inches tall in those dreams. The grass towered over him, well unless it wasn’t cut…
“Alright, you wanted to leave one side open right?”
“Yeah, I gotta put the furniture and stuff inside. Plus I think it’s better, I can watch her then. I kind of wanna see how she looks asleep…”
The soft eyes on his friend helped Zeke’s sour attitude turn sweet. Corus was doing what he could for a dream. Zeke denied the possibility Kaya could be real. He… didn’t want to keep doing that. He wanted them to be real, wanted to hold them. Even in one hand. So… so he’d do more.
“That means we need ten squares cut out.”
“I don’t think it should be that big.”
“Might as well have a back up.”
Zeke wasn’t sure why he lied. Then his own words echoed in his head. Let’s keep this a secret for now . It was better to leave it a secret. No one could tell him they were just dreams. Or convince him the pain he felt was an overreaction. A dream didn’t matter as much as his heart wanted it to. When he slept next Kaya wouldn’t be there. The dreams would be over.
Still hours passed with both he and Corus building small rooms. His friend didn’t make a comment when he started changing the design of one. No stars for Kaya’s room, but petals he’d gone outside to get. Each wall was painted to look like that forest. He barely noticed what Corus did. It was the first project he’d done in years that wasn’t a commission.
He and Corus were able to joke the whole time. Things felt like before. Before Corus had gotten so focused on work. Before Zeke had gotten so busy he barely slept. It almost made not seeing Kaya feel ok. That it was something he could manage. Living with Kaya gone because whatever summoned those dreams left.
“So, what will you do if she’s real?” He asked as they both put the finishing touches on the rooms.
“What will you do if yours is?” Corus said.
“I never said I was having dreams of someone too small to exist.”
“Then why’d you make a room.”
“Better than leaving you to do it alone.”
Corus sighed and stepped back from the work table. Both rooms looked so small now that they were done. Zeke didn’t believe that Kaya was real. He couldn’t. How could he meet someone in a dream? How could someone that small exist? He… he couldn’t hope they were real.
“I don’t know,” Corus said. It pulled Zeke from his slowly spiraling thoughts. “I think she’s scared of me.”
“Scared of you? Never could have expected that. Already saw when you’re angry? Bet you dragged her out of…” Zeke trailed off. Corus looked hurt. Actually hurt. “Shit, Cor you’re serious about her aren’t you?”
“More serious than I thought I could be.” Zeke approached him and put a hand on his shoulder.
“Then you just gotta be patient. She’ll see she can trust you. Besides if she does know how you were before then she’ll see how you changed. Though you probably shouldn’t throw me on the floor next time I stay over.”
“Zeke, I don’t know what I’ll do if she can’t give me a chance. I…”
“She’ll give you a chance, Corus. When have I been wrong about that?”
“You haven’t, but there’s never been someone like her.”
Zeke sighed. It wasn’t like he could do much more to convince him. Especially when he didn’t believe his own words. Corus was intimidating unless he tried not to be. He did usually try; wearing baggy clothes and he standing a little hunched. Zeke was shorter and leaner than his friend.
“What about you?” Corus said. Deflection. His usual method when he didn’t believe Zeke.
“There’s nothing for there to be ‘about me’ Cor,” Zeke said. Soft, less confident. He wanted to be wrong. Corus looked at him with sad eyes.
“Zeke, come on. When have you been able to lie to me?”
“I’m not lying. This seemed fun to do. We haven’t worked on anything together in a while. I should probably get some sleep soon.”
Corus opened his mouth to speak, but changed his mind. Zeke preferred it. It wasn’t the time to dig into his subconscious. Figure out why he created someone that couldn’t exist. Someone he couldn’t pinpoint so many details about. It didn’t matter how much they told him of their life. It was just a dream.
It didn’t take long for Corus to leave. Zeke was alone with his thoughts again. He climbed in bed to try and avoid the spiral from before. He knew Kaya wasn’t real. Knew that the dreams reached a natural end. However natural an ending it was to promise they’d see each other again. That Kaya would show him something special.
This time his eyes grew heavy. The sleep that eluded him took hold. When he woke up he was shocked to see the forest. Feel the humid warmth and electricity under his skin. He took off running as soon as his body responded. Kaya. He had to find Kaya.
Just like the last time it felt like the world got smaller as he ran. Towering grass, trees, and wood planks lost their height. He didn’t have time to consider it. He had to find them. A scream had him freeze up. Looking around he found exactly who he was looking for. They seemed so small.
As he walked closer he saw them. So small. Shaking and cowering. Each step made the world smaller. Made them bigger. By the time he was near the tree he’d reached the height he started at. Kaya kept shaking. Fear pushed him to keep approaching until he could touch them.
“Kaya,” he said. They looked up with wide eyes before they jumped at him. Delicate and small. Adorable. He never wanted this to end. “Are you ok?”
“There was so much shaking. I saw them running around. I was so scared,” they whispered. He held them tighter. “I know we’re dreaming, but I thought… I thought one was here. I thought we’d be grabbed.”
“I’d never let that happen.” This time he wanted to believe the comment about the dream. That they shared this. That they were real. “I’d protect you.”
“You know something funny,” They pulled back until they could look at him, “I believe you. I feel safe when you’re here.”
“Sorry I wasn’t here last night.” He buried his face in their hair. They smelled of the forest. What he’d expect of someone who lived in a fallen tree. He wanted, needed them to be real.
“I wasn’t either. I had to go on a scouting run last night. I guess we were both working for once.”
They laughed. The laugh almost made him cry. This had become something he couldn’t lose. Something too special to disappear. He tightened his hold again. They were so thin he worried he’d break them. If what Corus said was true he could break them. Not that he would. He’d do anything to protect their smile.
“I… I thought I could show you my squirrel,” they said. He nodded, but didn’t let them go. If he did he worried the moment would break. He’d open his eyes in his room. Cold, alone, and desperate to see them. They’d become his solace in a busy life. Something he’d happily give up to spend time with them awake. “I think you need to let me go so I can show you.”
Reluctantly he listened. They stepped back and gave him that amazing smile. The only part of them that felt real was their face. It didn’t change. Except they could be small. Could be terrified of him. He wasn’t sure how to face that.
“You know, how I met my squirrel is kind of unbelievable,” they laughed. “It wasn’t on purpose. A scouting mission went wrong and I wound up in a bag as one of them went to a park. Honestly once I got out I thought I’d be stuck there… I’d never see Mira again if that happened.”
“You still haven’t told me about her,” he said. They took his hand and squeezed.
“Ok, that first then. You kind of make me think of her. She was always protecting me.”
The world changed. The park that had started to take form disappeared. The familiar fallen tree sat in front of them. This time Zeke looked closer. It was familiar outside the dream. Somewhere he played when Corus would stay with his grandparents. Somewhere he started to beg Kaya hadn’t been.
“One time, she saved me.” They continued. “We were young. We lived close enough to the edge that some boys played near us a lot.”
Zeke watched it change. The whole world. Too familiar. A younger looking Corus ran through. The steps were horrifying. His own came soon after. Somehow worse than Corus… Then again his friend had taken ballet by then. Deceptively light steps for a man like him.
The form of him and his friend ran through. No care for the possibility of anything on the ground. Zeke flinched back as he watched himself run right to the tree Kaya called home. Their hand in his grew tighter. His palm was sweaty. For once he wished the climate was as cold as reality. Anything besides this.
“They came around a lot, but no one was worried. They weren’t the worst in all the years. At least according to our parents, but they paid too much attention to the world. No one wanted to be out when they were nearby. We did have someone on the entryways all the time. That’s… that’s how Mira saved me.”
It changed again. He and Corus were near the fallen tree. Inspecting it. A memory he’d completely forgotten came back. One that cemented Kaya as real.
“I don’t think there’s anything in there,” his younger self said. The full weight of a child hit the ground. Then stared into the opening that seemed far too small for them to see. “Did you really see something?”
“Yeah I know I did. I think it was a fairy!” Corus said. The word made him shiver. They wanted to capture the fairy. Stick it in a bottle like a bug. He wanted to believe if they talked the two of them would have let them go. He couldn’t say it confidently. “We gotta get it. I wanna meet one so bad.”
“What are you gonna do with it?”
“I dunno. It's like a lightning bug right? Keep it til the glow is gone. Let it go after.”
“Don’t they know magic? Maybe it’ll grant us a wish.”
“That would be so cool!”
Kaya stepped closer to him. He couldn’t do anything to comfort them. Not when he was the source of this. His own hand had reached into their home. Made them need to be saved. The image shifted again. Thankfully no one was in anyone’s hand.
“I felt one!” his child self cheered. It hurt his ears. Kaya leaned against him. God did he want to comfort them, but not now. Not with all the guilt he felt already.
“No way! Lemme try!” Corus said. Zeke watched him fall to his knees. This time he and Kaya had to stumble back. Kaya buried their face into his shoulder as Corus reached into the tiny opening. Only a child’s hand could fit. He could see the second his friend’s ghost found something. “I got something!”
“He almost grabbed me,” Kaya whispered. “I’m a bit older than Mira so I’d been given the job to be on watch if the two tried to hurt the tree. I’d been so scared of the first hand and then the new one showed up. Mira… she pushed me out of the way. We’d barely spoken before then.”
He watched Corus start to pull back. Start to drag what had to be this Mira from the fallen tree. Zeke held his breath. The faint memory didn’t include what was next. He assumed they let her go, but he couldn’t be sure. For the first time he tightened his own hold on Kaya’s hand.
“She was amazing though. Somewhere she’d gotten something sharp and stabbed the hand that held her. It hadn’t gotten her arms when it grabbed her. She fell and actually landed on her feet. We were running before the hand had even pulled out.”
“Ow!” Corus shouted. His hand came out of the tree and shot right to his mouth. “I think something stung me…”
“Do you think it was a bee?” his child self asked. Kaya pulled their hand free and wrapped it around his arm.
“Maybe… I guess it might not be a fairy. Let’s go home. Gram is gonna be mad we were out here again.”
“Yeah maybe if we go now she won’t catch us.”
Zeke watched the past disappear just before the two ran off. He fell to his knees. It forced Kaya down with him. They were silent as he considered what this meant. Hazy memories, ones that could still be from his own mind. Ones that Kaya didn’t have to be on the receiving end for. Yet…
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered. They curled up next to him. For another time it registered how small and delicate they were. That day… one mistake and… “I’m so sorry.”
Zeke started to cry. He had scared them. Traumatized them probably. It didn’t matter what came of it. He had been a monster. Was still a monster next to this person that had captured his heart. He couldn’t stop crying.
“It’s ok, I didn’t think it would be that bad for you,” Kaya said. They were trying to comfort him. He didn’t deserve this. They didn’t deserve this. “I thought you were used to them by now. I mean you live kinda like them don’t you? Stairs instead of climbing right?”
“Yeah… I do live like them.” He managed to say.
“It wasn’t all bad. Mira became my friend after that. She… she was so amazing that day. Apparently some of the adults had seen, but were too scared to stop it. She wasn’t even supposed to be up there. Her hair is bright like yours.”
“Mine is bright?”
“Yeah. Mira actually has lavender hair. I was kind of jealous of it back then. I was jealous of a lot of things Mira had or was… I still am.”
Zeke forced himself to stop thinking what ifs. To stop focusing on a past he couldn’t change. Right now he could do something for them. Be something where they could always smile instead. It was the absolute least he could do after what he’d already done.
“You shouldn’t be jealous. You’re more amazing than you realize.”
They laughed again. “You’re just saying that, you haven’t met her… I bet you would like her better. She’s more…”
“I can’t like anyone better than you.”
Zeke shifted to face them. Took their face in his hands and stared into their eyes. It was easier to say they were a dream. It was normal to dismiss what he’d seen. These feelings were all because he was lonely. Afraid. Tired. Yet… Yet he looked in their eyes and the world felt right. He had to show them.
Slowly, Zeke leaned closer. He wanted to be closer to them. Connect in a new way. Someday, they’d learn who he was. What he was. Until then he’d do everything to protect that smile. And selfishly take all he could of their body near his. A breath away from meeting their lips and it was all gone.
He blinked at the ceiling. The dream was over. His phone blared on the nightstand. It was hard to remember that he’d put it there. Despite his own wants he climbed out of bed. Dressed for the day and left. His mind was preoccupied, the first few jobs didn’t go as well as normal. For the first time in a long time, he canceled his appointments.
At first he drove around aimlessly. There wasn’t anything he could do. Not like he could go look at that spot in the woods. At least not if he wanted to keep seeing Kaya. Although maybe this was going too far. He needed something to tell him if it was real. If those memories weren’t a weird dream. There was only one place he could go.
Corus opened the door clearly having just woken up. It ate at Zeke, his friend could sleep and forget what they did. Could obsess over some dream girl without guilt. While he had to realize how much of a monster he was. See it first hand.
“Zeke,” Corus said through a yawn. “What’s up? Don’t you have like five jobs today?”
“Canceled on them,” he shouldered his way into his friend’s house. The bitter feelings slipped into his words. “Not all of us can get paid to sleep all day.”
“What crawled up your ass?”
Zeke didn’t stop walking until he reached the couch. He spun on his heel and fell back. As soon as his weight hit it he was struck with the images from the night before. Careless children that could kill someone in an instant. A child that wouldn’t realize the gravity of their actions.
“Do you remember when we were kids and played in the forest?” he asked. Zeke closed his eyes, but felt the couch shift as Corus took a seat next to him.
“Yeah, we used to drive Gram mad going in there. She’d scream about how we were going to be cursed by something in the woods,” Corus said. His voice sounded wistful, like he missed those days. It only pissed Zeke off.
“Remember the old tree? The one we thought fairies lived in. I thought about this tiny girl you think is real. What if she was there? Lived there I mean. What if you terrified her back then?”
“I mean… we were kids and I doubt we were actually on the trail of anyone.”
Zeke sat up with a glare. Corus could push things away, but he couldn’t. “What if you’re wrong?! What if because of us someone was traumatized ? If she’s real, wouldn't she be nearby!”
“Zeke, did something happen? Where is this coming from? We were kids and I’m pretty sure it turned out bees lived in that tree.”
She’d gotten something sharp … The words echoed in his mind. They did think it was bees. Corus’s grandparents confirmed the idea. They’d been so mad, but never said bees until then. As a kid it made sense, but now it was wrong. Now he could only see Kaya. Wrapped around him and shaking.
“What if we were wrong?” he hissed. “What if people were there? What if this whole time there’s been tiny people and we could have killed them!? What if-”
“Zeke!” Corus pushed him and made him fall on the floor. He glared at his friend. This wasn’t unusual, but today it wasn’t going to stop him.
“What if we did Corus? What if there is someone who’s family is gone because of us!? We never looked. We never thought to look. We just ran around and tried to catch what we thought were fairies. What if we did catch them? What if they talked what if-”
“We can’t change it! There’s nothing we can do about what if’s. I don’t know what happened but there’s no reason to yell at me over it. Do you think I want to consider nearly killing someone? That we almost trapped someone in a fucking jar?! Of course we could have, but we can’t make it go away. We have to be better.”
“Not everything boils down like your stupid anger issues. Great job on them, pushing me off the couch again is a sign of amazing improvement.”
Silence. Zeke realized it as soon as he said it. He tried to think of something to say. A way to take it back. The couch creaked before he could. Steps followed by the slam of a door. He was alone and he’d definitely gone too far. He put his arm over his eyes.
“Fuck… what is wrong with me?” he whispered. He closed his eyes.
He hadn’t been tired, but he found himself in the dream. Back at the fallen tree. At this point he wanted to rip it open in reality. Find out if this dream was real or not, but Kaya’s face stopped him. If he did that he’d hurt them. Dream or reality he didn’t want to do anything that would hurt them. There had to be a way to fix this.
“Zeke, what are you doing here? I thought you were out during the day,” Kaya’s voice reached him. The humid warmth connected to his skin, the electric current started to hum in his blood. It was growing to hurt him.
“I finished early,” he mumbled. They walked up to him and grabbed his hand. A smile he didn’t deserve.
“Well I’m glad you’re here. I want to show you something.”
“Kaya I don’t…” They looked at him with the same warmth he’d always craved. Innocent eyes, curious eyes. He couldn’t say it. Couldn’t tell them the truth. “...have anything else I’d rather do.”
“Great!”
They took his hand and started to walk. He followed without argument. This time meant so much to him. Maybe Corus was right. The past can’t be changed. He could do better. Not just could. He would do better. He’d protect everything that made Kaya who they were. Even that place with people that were willing to let them get captured by children. Even though he wanted to remind them all how terrifying that would be for them let alone another child.
“So, remember what I said?” they asked. Zeke shook his head. They laughed. He squeezed their hand. “I met my squirrel at a place far from home. At first I was going to show you just her, but I thought I’d show you where we met.”
“Ok,” he said. He couldn’t put joy into his words. It no longer felt like he deserved to learn. That this was something he was stealing. All by lying to them. He never said he wasn’t human, but he should have known from the start. From the very moment he found himself in a good dream.
Kaya continued to walk. The world shifted around them. A park Zeke knew took shape. It was hard to believe he could recognize it when he was so small, but it was like his heart knew. The wide open space surrounded them. This park was used for sports and had almost no trees. There was one that sat in the middle of it though. The very one Kaya was walking to.
“So, I fell in a bag and I really thought I’d get caught, but it was put down when we got somewhere,” they started to explain. Zeke kept an eye on the world and saw the bag appear close to the tree. Far from it at this size though. “I felt them walk away and thought I could get away. It was so open I really thought I’d die instead.”
A single squeeze of their hand to show he listened.
“I was able to reach the only tree in sight, but I still thought I’d be in trouble.” The tree moved to meet them. He stared at it. A place he’d gone dozens of times after his parents died. A place that meant the world to him. “Then I found a hollow on the ground.”
The hollow formed. It was something he’d actually noticed when he had visited the tree. Sometimes he put some things he thought the animal living there would enjoy inside. Maybe it was someone like Kaya who was there. Maybe he’d already started to atone for the close call he’d done.
“I curled up in there for a full day before I tried to explore. I got terrified a few times. Some human dropped things inside. I pushed them off to the side so I could give them back if a hand ever reached in.”
The small hope he’d formed shriveled to dust. He terrified them again. That was all he’d ever do. Scare them. How could he hope to protect their smile?
“Then a squirrel showed up. I’d known how to train one, but we didn’t see many near home. I used the stuff dropped in to feed it. Eventually I could get on its back. It took a few weeks to get what I needed for reigns, but I managed. I actually got home in just two days.”
The world shifted. Still images of Kaya with a large gray squirrel surrounded them. Giving it food. Petting it. Sitting on its back as it ran. Even putting what looked like cloth around its neck. All the images merged into one as this phantom Kaya climbed on and rode off. It was something out of an old story. One that Corus’s grandparents told. Yet here it was possibly real.
“I’ve been to that tree,” he whispered. It was an opening to tell them. He could maybe be honest. Give the truth he’d inadvertently hidden.
“You have!” Kaya’s excited shout made him lose his nerve. They grabbed his hand and made him look at them.
“Let’s meet there.”
“What? I… I can’t get there for at least two days. Are you sure?”
Zeke couldn’t find the words. He should say no. Let this continue or end as it had been. Yet he couldn’t stop picturing that smile. Wondering how it would look awake. Feeling their delicate body outside of a dream. He freed one of his hands to cup their face. Only then did he notice the fear in them. He didn’t have a choice.
“Ok, in two days at the tree. You should wait in the hollow if I’m not there.”
“Ok! Let’s meet at night, so that there’s less of them around.”
Before he could answer something pulled him awake. He opened his eyes to Corus shaking him. He still had to apologize somehow. He knew how hard Corus tried to control his temper. He also knew that pushing him off the couch was normal. They’d always been a little rough on each other. Corus would even let Zeke get his way despite being stronger.
“Sorry, I had to cool off before we kept talking,” Corus said.
“I…”
“Look Z,” The nickname he very rarely used. Only Corus ever called him it and only when they had a talk . Zeke didn’t exactly want a talk now, but he deserved it. He braced himself for how these usually went. “I know why it’s hard. I… She showed me things I never considered too. Things I don’t think she meant to honestly. We can’t change what happened. We didn’t know and we could have hurt someone. That just means we do better. Work five times as hard if that’s what it takes.”
“Since when did you get so smart?” Zeke was still on edge. Corus sighed before standing up. Zeke’s arm was grabbed and he was pulled to his feet.
“Since a friend forced me to try therapy again and it’s been working.” The punch Zeke expected never came. At most he got a light push. His friend had truly changed, and he was proud.
“Cor, I’m sorry I know-”
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s say it’s payback for throwing you on the floor.”
Zeke smiled. This felt right. Felt normal. It was getting harder to think about how things had been recently. Barely talking due to work. Late nights and early mornings. It was like his life had only gotten better since Kaya showed up. If only they’d stay.
That rest of that first day passed in a blink. At night Kaya was nowhere to be seen. He could only guess they were traveling. It felt wrong to be in the dream without them. The warmth had cooled. The electricity had run out. He was in a forest that he now knew. One that he’d always known and rejected.
The next day was harder. Zeke had jobs to catch up on. He tried to focus, but mistake after mistake made them drag on. By the time the sun started to set he’d almost forgotten his promise. As if Kaya was there to remind him he swore he heard their voice. Let’s meet at night . Night, he just had to reach the park at night.
After a few more jobs, Zeke finally stopped his truck near the park. Just close enough he could see the tree. It would be easy to head over. Sit and wait for them to show up. Then they could run before he had them trapped. Not that he would trap them. Maybe then the dreams would end.
Zeke closed his eyes. No forest. No humid warmth. No electricity. No Kaya. No more guilt either. At things he couldn’t know not to do. At things he wished he could have done. A life where it would go back to him and work. He sighed.
It was time to admit to himself why he was always so busy. That it was easier than feeling and existing with what was happening anymore. He was alone. He was so tired of being alone. It felt like it would never end and then… Kaya appeared. A gift that kept giving. Something to make him feel a reason to live again. He could never lose them, but he could never force them. They had to know the truth.
Another deep sigh and he pushed open the door of his truck. Climbed out and paused. In the field there was a squirrel running across. Late at night and alone, that had to mean it was Kaya. He closed the door as softly as he could before moving towards the tree.
Each step felt too much. How softly should he walk for them? What would scare them? Would the squirrel dive out and take Kaya with them? Would they even listen to what he had to say? Could he even see their face like this? Really see it, like in their dreams.
Those mounting questions brought him directly in front of the tree. It was easy to find the hollow, although he couldn’t know if they used it. There was a rustle above him, when he looked he saw the squirrel and no Kaya. So he sat on the ground with a hope that they were actually hiding above him.
The night was cool. Winter wasn’t far off. He wondered if Kaya handled it well. All the people like them actually. Would they freeze? Maybe he could do something to insulate the tree. At least if they need it. It wasn’t like these tiny people hadn’t survived without his intervention until now.
Procrastination was getting him nowhere fast. He could think about a dozen things and the sun would rise. They’d never meet. He couldn’t let them think he’d been too scared to approach. That he would leave them in danger. He licked his lips, cleared his throat, and spoke, “Kaya?”
Zeke swore he heard a squeak from the ground. He snapped his head towards it in time to see something duck into the hollow. He’d been wrong, they weren’t above him. He wasn’t sure what was better at this point. A part of him wanted to lie on the ground and look in, but he controlled himself. It was bad enough he hadn’t told them.
“Kaya, it’s… it’s me,” he said. Nothing came from the hollow. No noise above him either. He forced down his fears and continued. “It’s Zeke… I didn’t know how to tell you. I thought you were a dream for so long and now I… can you at least talk to me?”
He waited. The quiet was painful. They probably wouldn’t trust him. Might think the person they’d known sold them out. It could be better that way. Give them a reason to hate him so he could lose all of this. All that he desperately wanted to hold close.
“P-Prove it!” their voice was quiet. A little deeper than in the dream. He liked it better. That plus the fact he was receiving some kind of chance made him smile.
“You’re Kaya, have a close friend Mira. The first time we met I froze you and when I let you go you ran. I found you crying and you told me to go away and…” A deep breath before he finally said it. “And I think I’m in love with you.”
Another squeak. It was cute. He found himself leaning towards the hollow, desperate for a chance to see them. That paid off as they climbed out. They looked even smaller than the time he found them in the dream. It took all his self control not to reach for them.
“You’re human and th-think you love me?” they said. God did he want to hold them. Promise that they were safe as long as he was with them. Instead he put a hand near them. Kaya was smaller than his palm.
“Yes and yes,” he whispered. Speaking felt like it would be too loud. They looked up at him. They weren’t quite the same. Not as delicate looking. More muscled. Still adorable. Still perfect.
“But you’re human, how did you even enter my dream?”
“I don’t know and I spent way too long assuming you were something I made up. Kaya I… I need to be honest and I really don’t want to.”
Tears slid from his eyes. They were in front of him. Someone who had brought light back into his life. Kaya and whoever met Corus had brought them both back to life. He didn’t want to lose it, and couldn't watch them run either. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for what would be the end.
“I didn’t say I’m sorry because of what you showed me,” he breathed. “I… I was one of those kids. My friend Corus was the other. He’s the one who grabbed Mira. I’m so sorry. I wish I never had. I wish it was different. I wish I could go back and stop myself from ever playing in the woods. I… I’m so sorry I scared you.”
Sobs escaped him. He had to admit it to them now that he’d seen them. Seen how small they truly were next to him. He was a monster that nearly killed them. With Corus he almost trapped them. Now they could run from him. Avoid him and take away whatever made those dreams start.
There was more he could say. Things to redeem himself. That he’d dropped what helped them train their squirrel. How he wanted to help insulate against the winter. That he’d never do anything to hurt them. The way their smile captured his heart. That he’d do anything to keep seeing it.
A cold tap on his hand made him jump. As much as he hated it he opened his eyes. Kaya had gotten closer. Ignored his hand that he offered. Gone right to the one he kept on his lap. Close to him. They looked at him with so much kindness. He didn’t deserve it.
“I forgive you,” they said. That soft voice was powerful. Broke down everything that held him still. He leaned forward to get as close as he could. His back already ached from the odd position, but he didn’t care. “You don’t have to cry.”
“How can you forgive me?” he said. He did try to stop crying, but the effort only made his sobs worse. “I could have killed you.”
“You aren’t the only one who’s done that and… I trust you.”
Zeke gasped. Kaya took the initiative to climb on the hand they’d touched. In his palm sat someone who changed everything. A person larger than life and yet only a few inches tall. All the ways he could mess up ran through his head. Screamed at him to slide them off and back away. Not to break them.
“I kind of had a feeling there was something different about you,” they said. “I looked into it and there are others with your build, but it was so long ago I couldn’t really understand how I’d meet one.”
“Can I lift you up?” he asked. Shouts at his idiocy carried through his mind. He could hurt them, break them, lose them. He wasn’t supposed to be trusted. It had already been so risky once he couldn’t do this again.
“Ok…”
And he listened. Lifted his hand up achingly slowly. Didn’t stop until his back was straight and Kaya was at his eyes. They were more amazing in reality. As he thought they weren’t quite as delicate now. Their body was more defined than in the dreams. Now solid there were no curves present. Eyes still that amazing brown. Lips so small he could barely make them out. Their hair was actually shorter. Closer to their ears.
They started to fidget under his gaze. He watched for a bit. They were cute, but he couldn’t believe they were nervous. Adorable and maybe scared. He brought his other hand up and a finger near their face. With more care than head ever used before he pushed their hair out of their face.
“Cute…” This time he got to see a blush on their face from his words. They looked away. Continued to fidget with their clothes. He’d forgotten how strange they looked, it had to be the stitching.
“R-really?” they asked. He tilted his head to the side. “You don’t have to say that because you did before! I-I know I'm not the same as the dream. I mean we were the same height. Plus I kind of looked more like Mira there and my voice was higher… It was better… More-”
“I like this you more. Cute, delicate, a voice that draws me in. I like the real you.”
Kaya blushed again. He felt like his world had finally completed. That something missing fell into place as they sat in his hand. They were shaking. A hand touched his skin again. Ice cold. He brought them a little closer. Easily able to touch his face if they wanted.
“I… can I take you with me? Corus and I, we made rooms for someone your size,” he said. “I can take you home tomorrow or back here. I…”
Kaya’s hand on his face made him trail off. They leaned forward until their whole body was against him. His eyes crossed to watch them lean forward and kiss his nose. It was the best kiss he’d ever received. Slowly, he moved them lower. Waited until they were in front of his lips. Then brought his other hand up behind them.
Zeke pushed his face forward. Kept going until his lips met their frozen body. Ice that he wanted to melt. They seemed happy to accept. Their full weight leaned into him. Zeke didn’t stop until he was sure that he’d leeched the cold off their skin. Still he kept them close enough that his breath could warm them.
“You know,” they laughed, “your breath kind of reminds me of the dream forest. I like this more. I think… I think I like the real you more too. I’ll go with you, but let me send my squirrel back first. They’ll get worried if it’s not back in two days.”
“Of course,” he said. Zeke stood and waited for the squirrel as Kaya called it. He watched in awe as they swapped out a cloth on its neck for one he hadn’t noticed. It ran off and he couldn’t stop wondering how it would know to go back. “You know I could have taken you both back. Tonight even.”
They looked away. “I… I want to go with you. I never had a room for me before.”
Zeke pressed them to his chest as he walked back to his truck. Somehow Kaya trusted him. Forgave him even. Made his world something again. They gave him back something he’d lost. Reminded him that he needed time to take pleasure in simple things. He’d covet the moments of peace from now on. Kaya would be a part of all of them.