Work Text:
News broke out in the apartment that Artemis finally got an internship in a law firm. Wally felt the overflowing proud sensation in his chest that made him want to cry and jump for joy when he heard about the internship offer. However, all the happiness faded out when Artemis told him that the offer was all the way to New York. Instead of happiness, all that’s left of Wally was doubt and fear. And for the first time in a long time, he doesn’t know what to do.
“It’s all the way to New York, Artemis.” He said as if it’s going to make the city come closer to California if he says those words.
“It’s just four months, Wally. We can do this. I’ll call you every single day, we’ll skype, and I’ll visit every time I have a day off. I have faith in you—I have faith in us.” She told him, in the usual voice she uses to calm him down whenever he’s having doubts about himself, or whenever he’s stressed about school.
A sigh escaped his lips and he felt Artemis’ heavy gaze on him, followed by a pair of thin but strong arms circling around his waist, and her head on his shoulder. He could feel her breathing on his shoulder and her arms trembling around his waist.
“I love you, Wally. Just say the word and I won’t go.”
He faltered. For a moment there, he stopped to think what could possibly happen between the two of them if he told her that she couldn’t get the internship to the law firm. He thought about how he could be the cause of her great opportunities closing, all because he was so selfish and that he couldn’t stand being away from her.
Wally knew that he’s a selfish person. Selfish for quitting the team and pressing Artemis to give up the superhero life along with him, when he knew that she loved it and that she lives and breathes saving the lives of others. He took away her chance of being a hero in combat, and now Artemis is becoming a lawyer, her own means of saving people.
His selfishness has no room in her life, at all. So he knew that this time around, it has to be him waiting for her. Trying to conceal the pain of the four months she’s away would be hell and torture, but for Artemis—he’d do everything he can just to make her happy.
“No.” He sighed. “You should go. I’m not going to be the reason why you’re held back.”
“Are you sure, Wally? I’m sure there could be a lot of law firm offers here in California. I’ll just have to look for them by myself.”
“Go, Artemis. This is probably one of the greatest opportunities you’ll ever get in your whole life. I have faith in you, babe. Just don’t find another love while you’re there.”
ii.
The day that he dropped her off the airport is the first day he has to listen to his own heart breaking into a million, tiny pieces. Her flight will leave at twelve noon and it’s already half past eleven when they got there. They both knew that there’s not a lot of time to waste.
Her eyes are filled with tears and he knew that she doesn’t want to leave him there alone with his pain and hurting. He pulled her in, kissing her like it’s the last thing he’ll remember. He’ll remember the way her lips move against his, the way she kisses in a fierce, yet gentle manner that gets him addicted to her even more. He’ll remember her long, and slender fingers entangling themselves into her hair; her grey eyes that held a lot of dreams for the both of them; her hands that would always find his whenever they’re stuck in a situation that would take a lot before they could get out of it; her hugs that seem to last forever. He’ll miss every single inch of her.
“I love you.”
“And I love you.”
“This is not goodbye yet, Wally. I’ll be back. I promise.”
He pulled her into a tight embrace, a hug that felt like it could last forever. He doesn’t want to let go, but he knew that he’ll have to pull away and watch her leave.
When he finally did, he watched as she walked away, dragging her luggage behind her. He could feel his heart become heavy on his chest as she started blending in with the crowd of people. Before he knew it, her blonde hair and her athletic figure is now invisible; covered by the sea of people trying to get to other places.
Do they feel the same way as he does? Will they miss someone back at home? Or are they going back to their loved ones?
So many unresolved questions started to formulate in Wally West’s mind as he walked back to the parking lot, carrying the pain of an empty heart.
iii.
He waited for her to call the next day, and she called him at exactly nine in the morning while he was on his way to Physics class.
“Hey, it’s six-thirty in the morning here and… I just want to tell you how much I miss you. Everything’s so different here. Settling in my apartment for four months is taking a bit longer than I thought it would, probably because you’re not here.” He heard her sigh and he knows that she’s shaking on the other end of the line.
“If anyone can do it, it’s you, Artemis. That’s going to be your ticket to completing your last year of pre-law and then you can go and continue on with Law school. I’ll be here for you all through that.” He tried his best to reassure her, seeing as he knew that Artemis needed constant motivation to get her through the things she needs to do. He spent three years trying to get her to wake up for her eight am class, and he’s willing to do it for the rest of his life, whether it’s for a class, or for her job at a really successful law firm.
(He has so much faith in Artemis, to the point where he’d let her go to the ends of the Earth for however long, and he believes that she’ll be right back in his arms when she gets back from wherever it is that she went to.)
“Thanks, Wally. Anyways, don’t you have class in about ten minutes? I’m sorry if I’m taking up too much of your time.”
No, you don’t take any of my time at all. He wanted to say, but he knows that there’s no use arguing with her.
“I do and I’m on my way to it right now. I’ll call you back in about an hour, is that all right?”
“Of course.” He heard the sound of clattering mugs and utensils, and Artemis briefly swearing before she came back to the phone. “If I don’t answer I probably fell asleep, but I’m getting my coffee charge right now. I’ll be heading to the gym at around eight, then I’ll go to work by nine. I love you, Wally. So terribly much.”
“And I love you, Artemis.”
She hung up.
Artemis didn’t call after two hours, not even in three hours. Wally knew that she’s busy, and he knew that she’s handling this better than anyone else (She’s from Gotham, after all. If she can’t handle New York, that’s like her Gotham soul is not there anymore). So he placed all his faith on her, like what he usually does.
He loves her, and he knows that his love is enough. She’ll come back to him, she always will. They’re each other’s anchors, holding the other one down in order for them to be safe on the docks. There’s no doubt in his mind about the topic of her coming back or not. He knew that they can do this, they will do this.
iv.
He met Linda Park a good two weeks after Artemis had left. By then, Artemis’ calls were reduced to a minimum of once a day. Wally understood that she’s busy and there are a lot of things she has to do in order to get her job done. He understands that perfectly well, but that doesn’t mean that there’s no pain to accompany his waiting.
Honestly, if there’s any other emotion he’s feeling right now other than pain, is emptiness – if that’s even an emotion at all. That’s where Linda came in.
One day, in the library while he was looking up some topics for his upcoming term paper, there’s this girl who came towards him with a bright face asking him if he could recommend her some physics topics. However, Wally wasn’t in his best mood that time so when he scratched the back of his neck and awkwardly said that he doesn’t know, he expected her to walk away. But she didn’t; she made herself comfortable on the chair in front of him, instead.
“They told me to come to you when it involves physics and chemistry, and basically everything that’s Science. I did come to the right person, right?” She asked, her eyebrow raised. She was looking at him with a curious expression that made Wally forget about his term paper for a moment.
“You did, yeah. You just happened to catch me on a day where I’m not in my best mood.”
“Well good mood or not, I’ll have it. I want a good grade for my research paper and if that meant dealing with your relationship problems for the whole time you’re helping me, then I’ll take it without complaints.” She stated confidently, and somehow, it reminded him of Artemis.
A sigh came out of his mouth, followed by him raising his eyebrow at the girl. “How did you know I was dealing with relationship problems?”
“I couldn’t see your girlfriend around.” She shrugged.
“She’s in an internship, we’re not really having problems. Just the whole long—“
“Long distance relationship, yeah. I’ve heard of that. Anyways, I’ll give you love advise but I really need to work on this research paper, are you going to help me or not?”
And maybe he did forget about Artemis being too busy for him during that time that he actually forgot to reply to six of her messages. She didn’t get mad, though. In fact, she completely brushed it off and said that it was fine, that he was busy and she understands that.
He felt a little guilty.
v.
“I’m glad that you met new people. That’s got to be one positive thing that has happened to the both of us.” He heard Artemis’ sigh through the phone and all he wanted to do is to come over there and place his arms around her.
“I really want to go there, but I just—“
“Stop talking, Wally. It’s all right. We’re both busy people and there’s no time for a flight to fit into our schedules. I know your schedule by heart, Wally. And I don’t want you distracting yourself from your studies just because you miss me. I have faith in us, and I know that we can do this.”
He wished that he has the same positivity and faith that she has at this point, but no, his doubts are slowly forming and his feelings are slowly shaking. He does love her, with all his heart. But he doesn’t know if they will get through four months without seeing each other and just talking on the phone and through Skype.
“I really miss you, do you know that?” He sighed, a tear dropping to his cheek.
“I miss you, too. So much to the point where it’s hurting. I knew I shouldn’t have taken this job.” By this time, he could feel her shaking her head at the end of the line, and her tears finally rolling out of her eyes.
“It’s what you’ve always wanted, Artemis! I can’t get in the way of your dreams. I’ve been selfish enough and I couldn’t do that to you!” He told her, his voice raising a little out of all the pent-up frustration in his chest, all because he didn’t see her face-to-face enough.
“I wanted it! I do want it, Wally! But I need you! And it’s torture here without you! I had to wake up at seven in the morning every day thinking that you’re still beside me, keeping the bed warm. But then I look across the sheets and I see that you’re not there, your arm’s not around my waist like it used to be, your face isn’t the first thing I see whenever I wake up. And that’s killing me, Wally! I don’t want to argue with you about what I need and what I want because we both know that it’s only you that I want.” She spoke with pain, her voice is cracking and he knew that he’s hurting her. Being without him hurts her, and being without her hurts him.
“You’re all I want, Wally! So much it's hurting! And I couldn’t think of a day without you because you’re the only person who managed to get me through every single day of my life ever since I joined the team! I can’t—fuck—I can’t do this without you and I’m holding on to every single lifeline that I have just so I can deal with this for the next four months. If you think you’re being selfish with me for the past eight years then you don’t understand how much I’ve been selfish with you.”
So why did you go? He wanted to ask. But he knew that she’s dealing with so much pressure and pain right now, that he couldn’t bear to even think about asking her that question. So he left the topic alone, he didn’t think about how selfish he has been for thinking that he’s hurting and that she isn’t, he didn’t think about how he’s been spending so much time with Linda for the past two weeks, he didn’t think about the doubts he’s been having throughout the month.
“Go to sleep, Artemis. You need it.”
“It’s eight in the fucking evening.”
“Go to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay? I love you.” And then he hung up.
And for the first time in four months, he ran. He ran as fast as he could throughout Palo Alto.
vi.
“Okay you look like shit. Have you been exhausting yourself?” Linda asked him.
He has been running every day for the past two weeks (ever since that phone argument with Artemis), and his talks with Artemis are now down to four to five times a week. And he’s not used to it, so he runs just to clear his head. But he wouldn’t dare say anything about that, especially to Linda. No one needs to know that he’s a speedster, not anymore. He’s a retired speedster. And sooner or later the speed force may be gone from him.
“No. I’m fine. Let’s work on our papers now, can we?” There’s the heavy tone of impatience in his voice as he looked at Linda with an annoyed expression.
“You’re not fine, Wally. But I’m not going to pester you on how you feel, that’s not my business. However, if you do need someone to talk to, I’m always here.” A small smile was on her lips as she looked at him with sincerity, one that’s filled with the best intentions. And he appreciated that, he really did.
“Thank you, Linda.” He spoke with equal sincerity.
That day he didn’t even think about Artemis at all.
(He’ll regret it the next day and send Artemis ten messages, telling her to call when she can, and that he’ll do his best to answer it. And she does call again, only for it to be ignored as he spent another five hours helping Linda.)
vii.
Wally doesn’t notice it, but now their talks are reduced to three to four times a week. And he actually could go on a day without thinking about her. Some nights, he would think of how bad he’s been treating her lately. Ignoring her calls without knowing, spending more and more time with Linda Park, and thinking more and more about his studies.
It wasn’t until a few days later that Dick decided to show up In Palo Alto, still in his Nightwing costume. , Of course, Wally was glad that his best friend was there to visit him, he was so glad to the point where he would jump over the sun with the amount of happiness he feels. But then Dick just had to talk about how Artemis is at her lowest peak, already.
“When do you visit her?” Wally asked, his voice bordering on blank and purely concerned.
“Every time I can. I’m a full-time superhero and I don’t actually have college, so I do what I want. I just went there last night, and I had to beg her to sleep and stop sending you a hundred messages that wouldn’t even be answered in the morning. What the hell are you doing, Wally? She’s almost losing her mind out there and you’re not talking to her?”
“So you went here just to talk about what? Artemis?” It’s unfair to Wally’s part that he’s the one seeming like a bad guy here. He thinks it’s horribly unfair. The fact that it’s been only two months and they already couldn’t take it, what else would happen? He knew this is a dead end. And some part of him is blaming Artemis for leaving him behind to pursue her lawyer dreams, but then again, he urged her to go.
Huh. Maybe he really is the one to blame. He used to feel his heart racing at the thought of her, and now all he feels is cold and hurt.
“If you don’t have the heart to respond to her calls and texts, might as well end it, Wally. She’s hurting far more than you’re hurting right now. Both of you don’t deserve that kind of pain.”
And then Dick was out the window.
Sighing, he took his phone from the nightstand and saw that there are at least twenty messages, all from Artemis. There’s the lump of guilt forming in his throat as he looked at her texts, almost all of them telling him that she’ll come home if he wants her to. There’s one that says that she couldn’t take it anymore, being alone in a sea full of people and that she feels so alone and lost without him.
He did reply to her texts. But his reply is only a mere sentence, giving false hope to a person who’s probably losing everything at that moment.
I’m sorry I was gone, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.
viii.
He talked to her the morning after Dick’s visit, and so much has changed. It’s like he doesn’t even know her anymore.
“How’s New York?”
“Fine.”
“You doing all right?”
“Yeah, totally.”
And he recognised this. Artemis is placing her walls back up because he’s done with his part of hurting her. Honest to God he does regret it, but there’s also this light feeling on his chest.
“Are we okay?” He asked.
“I have no idea, Wally. I’ll talk to you whenever.” And then she hung up.
What Artemis doesn’t know is that Wally heard her voice crack just a little bit before she hung up. And he doesn’t know if he could still do this.
What once was the space Artemis occupied is now closing. He doesn’t know if there’s a way for him to stop this, or to delay it for just a bit. But space is closing rapidly, and there was a new opening in his chest. Letting Linda Park’s bright smiles, complete determination, and her stubbornness in.
In a way, she was like Artemis. But he doesn’t dare think of Linda that way. She’s more than just a girl similar to his… girlfriend? Is that even the proper term now?
But Linda Park is more than just someone similar to Artemis. She brings a lot to the table and has managed to make Wally smile and live life a little all the while he was waiting for Artemis. He knew that he shouldn’t be feeling this way towards Linda, but it’s not like he could help it. His feelings are slowly making its way towards the end and he couldn’t stop it.
I’m sorry, Artemis. He thinks.
ix.
It has been three months and two weeks since Artemis had gone away to New York. They don’t talk anymore, and according to Dick, Artemis still cries herself to sleep sometimes. That she’s still waiting for him to return to her even if it’s all just false hope.
Honestly, he feels guilty. He wants the feelings to be there again. He wants to feel the same way with Artemis all over again because eight years is a long time, and he doesn’t want to waste it all. But what’s he going to do when he’s finally fallen in love with another girl? There’s no turning back, and he knew that this is harder for her than it is for him.
But there’s not much that he can do.
“Just… just be there for her, man.” He told Dick.
“I can see you hurting, Wally. Are you sure that you don’t want this anymore? She’s a total constant in your life and I don’t know why you two are doing this to yourselves.”
“There’s nothing else that we can do, Dick. Maybe it’s time to let go of each other. This isn’t… this isn’t working anymore. What do I do when I don’t feel the same thing for her anymore?” He asked, his questions are purely rhetorical, but Dick seemed to know better.
“You make a choice, Wally. Love is a choice, not a feeling. She comes back on the twenty-fourth. You better sort your shit out before that. I couldn’t bear seeing her hurt anymore.”
x.
Four months. It’s been four months since he saw her leaving at the airport. It’s crazy how things can change in just a span of four months. He used to feel his heart race with just the mere thought of her, but now… there’s nothing. No butterflies, no smiles. It’s like all the love he once felt for her is now gone.
For eight years they’ve been together, and it was great, it was entirely beautiful and pure. Nothing but the two of them in love, being each other’s anchors and being each other’s lifeline. It’s sad to think that it only took four months for something so beautiful to crumble down and be crushed into nothingness.
His feelings are gone, but he knew very well that Artemis’ feelings for him are still there, and there’s nothing else that could do about it. No matter how much he wanted Artemis to just move on and hate him, there’s still a lot of unresolved tension and an inevitable break up waiting to happen. Then they’ll have to sort through their things and one of them has to move out of the apartment.
“You look deep in thought.” And for the first time in four months, he heard her voice again in person. Something in him twisted, something that made him want to break down and cry and apologise. Apologise because he couldn’t wait long enough for her return, apologise because he had to go ahead and fall for someone while she’s gone.
He kept his face straight, though.
“I prefer this to be over and done with. So go ahead Wally; say it. Say it in front of my face so I know it’s real and that this is not just another nightmare.” She spoke harshly. Eight years ago, before she joined the team, that harshness was completely her. He’s not used to it. But then again, he is the one to blame for it.
“Where were you when I needed your arms around me?” He blurted out, tears forming in his eyes.
“You told me to go!” She responded, and before he knew it, she was already crying. “Maybe I didn’t think about this enough, maybe I should have just stayed here… maybe things would have been different then.”
“I never thought that I would fall out of love with you.”
“I’m still in love with you, Wally. But if we force this, it’s just going to be the end of the both of us.” Her voice is cracked and she’s trying her best not to sob in front of so many people, but that’s kind of a hard thing to do at the moment. “Your heart was the only thing I brought with me. The only thing that had me going while I was there. I thought you’d still be here waiting for me when I get back. I was wrong.”
“We can’t… maybe we’re not meant for each other.”
“I thought I was coming home to you. But now all I see is an empty house.” She sighed, wiping away the tears on her face before kissing him lightly on his right cheek. “Goodbye, Wallace West.”
End.