Chapter Text
For much of her life Go Ae-sin had felt like an unlit powder keg.
She’d first realized why after Ae-sun’s jabs at the circumstances of her birth, a child born out of wedlock from a revolutionary son who’d gotten himself killed.
Ae-sun had been punished severely after she’d revealed this truth to her seven-year old cousin, but Ae-sin had felt grateful to her. She had always wondered why everyone treated her differently, shielded her to an extent far greater than they did her cousin.
Not like she needed protecting, but like she shouldn’t be stimulated. Like the weakest flame would make her explode.
There was no point in rejecting her fate. She followed Seung-gu’s training without complaint, leapt into her dangerous missions without hesitation. Just like her parents, her own life would have to come second to the survival of her motherland.
One day she would die like her father, and fulfill the destiny her grandfather had predicted for her. Today, however, she could at least enjoy some candy.
There was no reason that today should have played out any differently than her usual outings. The candy tasted sweet in her mouth, and better yet than the sugar melting on her tongue were the reactions of Ms. Haman and Mr. Haengrang, who had never had anything like it before.
She was vaguely aware of the presence of the two Japanese men leering at her. She might have cowered in her earlier years, but after years of training there was no doubt in her mind that she’d easily be able to overpower them if it came down to it. They did not bother her much.
At least, until their blood was spilled on the dirt.
The attack had been as swift as it was deadly. In a second the assassin had leaped from the balcony to the ground below, and less than a minute later the men had fallen under his blade. Ms. Haman barely had the time to cover her lady’s eyes. Her shaky fingers did little to obscure the scene from Ae-sin’s view. She saw it all.
The elegant strokes that killed the men, the way their bodies stiffened before even hitting the ground. And, of course, the samurai clad in a crimson kimono, his face impassive even as the blood of his victims sprayed on it.
He hadn't even bothered to put on shoes.
The crowd did not make any move to stop him, and the only explanation given for his sudden bloodlust was the baker’s harried exclamation:
“Something must have irked him again.”
Ae-sin was tempted to recognize him as an ally, a fellow warrior in the fight against Japan, but right away she knew that was false. That man was not one of her comrades in the Righteous Army, nor her mysterious fellow sniper.
She had heard rumors that the leader of the gang controlling Jingogae was a legendary and ruthless fighter, but seeing it in person was something else entirely. He reminded her of a dark figure from an epic, come back from the past to wreak his vengeance.
It was only when his eyes met hers that she realized how right she'd been.
“Isn’t that the guy from the palanquin?” Ms. Haman asked, recognizing the man as well.
She could not find it in her to reply. Not while the man looked at her like that. His stare petrified her.
She felt herself shaking slightly, but could not identify the cause of her fear. Technically there was no reason for him to harm her. Unlike the people who had beaten his mother so many years back, who she was sure were already lying in early graves, she had committed no great evil against the man.
And yet she was scared. Or was it something else, some other emotion that shook her to her core? She couldn’t tell. She felt as if his gaze would burn right through her.
They had once looked at each other just like this on that fateful day when she’d saved his life. It was difficult to believe that scrawny boy had become the fearsome samurai before her, but his eyes had not changed.
She remembered how close they’d been in her palanquin, the blood on his forehead, a tear spilling from his deep brown eyes, his hand clutching the hem of her skirt like a lifeline.
She’d kept quiet when he accused her of being a foolish noble, but his words had cut deep. She wondered how many nobles were treated by their families like walking corpses. Every time she showed the slightest bit of defiance or intelligence her grandfather looked at her like she was already lying in a pool of her own blood.
She almost wanted to tell this to the boy. Tell him how from the first time she’d visited the temple where her parents were buried it felt like there was an empty spot waiting for her. Maybe the boy would understand. After all, he was also alone in the world now.
Instead she reached across to him, carefully wiping the blood away from his forehead. Almost as a second thought, she gently planted a kiss on his wound, just like Ms. Hanam did when she got injured.
He’d kept staring at her, his hand unwilling to let go of her skirt. That was the last memory she had of the unfortunate child.
The man had not once averted his gaze from her in this time. Remorseless. Violent. Thrilling.
Just like their first meeting, she was the one to look away first, letting herself be dragged away by Ms. Haman. The older woman criticized him later that night, preparing Ae-sin’s bedding while she washed up.
“That fool knows no gratitude. He has no idea who saved his life. You gave him a second chance, and this is what he chooses to do with it.”
Ae-sin agreed with her. The boy she’d saved had turned into the kind of man she despised the most. Selling his sword to Japanese invaders, not caring who fell under his blade as long as he was paid.
It was men like him, men driven only by profit, that had weakened Joseon to its current level. If she’d let him be caught back then, how many would still be alive today?
She hated him. She hated him for tossing aside her kindness like nothing, for squandering his precious life on violence and greed.
She tried not to entertain the pity that crept in her mind. The thought that selling your homeland was not so grievous when its people had killed your mother.
It didn’t matter. He stood against everything her parents fought for, everything she continued to fight for. She had to hate him.
But hatred was not enough to quiet her mind. She tossed and turned, falling into brief and uneasy fits of sleep only to wake again. She felt herself still trembling from the strange terror of their encounter, from the intensity of his gaze.
When she finally fell asleep, she dreamed they were both in her palanquin like that day, but in their current bodies. They were pressed up closer than before, the palanquin unsuited to fit them both, especially his tall stature.
He was still staring at her when he brought the hem of her skirt to his face just like he had back then, brushing it against his lips.
It seemed like he was expecting something, for her to reach out to him like she once had, but she couldn’t move. He gave her a crooked smile, narrowing the distance between them.
“What are you scared of, Agassi?”
Ae-sin woke up with a start, gasping for air. It was still dark out, early morning at most, but she felt as if she was boiling alive in the searing heat of the summer.
She grabbed at her bedclothes, fanning herself, and suddenly she understood what her grandfather had been worried about, just as she understood that any precautions he had taken had been in vain.
A flame had started, and she felt ready to explode.