Archive of Our Own ^beta

Lix woke up on her eighteenth birthday to two heavy bodies jumping on top of her.

It wasn’t the most normal birthday greeting, but nothing since she had moved to Korea to become a Kpop trainee had really been all that normal so she just learned to roll with the punches. This time literally.

“Okay, let’s see what letter you got” Minhe cried as she started to pull down parts of Lix’s pajamas to look at any inch of skin she could.

“Yah!” Lix cried as she kicked out at the two bodies on top of her. She opened her eyes properly and saw Minhe and Hyune sitting there with matching grins on their faces. They were the two trainees she was the closest to and probably the only ones brave enough to come and try to strip her in her sleep. A lot of the other girls in JYP seemed to be a little intimidated by Lix who despite her smiley, sunshine personality and penchant for wearing anything pink and frilly had the deepest bass voice any of them had heard and added a bunch of spinning kicks and flips to all of their choreographies for fun.

“I didn’t see you act this violent when Hyune got her first letter six months ago” Lix muttered as Minhe pulled the waistband of her pants down to inspect her hips.

“That’s because unnie already knew what letter I would have” Hyune sniffed proudly, jabbing her finger at Minhe’s soulmark that lay right on her collarbone.

Usually a soulmark was considered to be extremely private and people would take great lengths to cover them up, especially in the idol industry. There was a whole market of speciality foundation made just to hide soulmarks. But in the privacy of their trainee dorms, Minhe never shied away from showing off the ‘Hwang Hyune’ that was written over her collarbone in beautiful calligraphy. Just like Hyune never hid the ‘Lee’ that was currently on her ankle.

“You don’t know for sure your soulmark will be unnie’s name” Lix laughed “All it says so far is Lee. It could be me for all you know”

“Maybe!” Minhe said as she pulled down Lix’s shirt. “Maybe Hyune will have you and you’ll have me and we can all be together and live happily ever after”

Lix laughed even harder. “Sadly for you, I am unfortunately straight”

“So boring” Hyune sighed, before her eyes lit up “Look!! It’s right there”

She stabbed Lix’s arm, right next to her armpit. Lix immediately lifted her arm and squinted at the area where a very neat ‘C’ was written.

“C” Minhe repeated “So it’s not me”

“Or me!” Hyune cried, turning to Minhe happily “Which means my soulmark has to be you”

“Of course it’s me” Minhe said with a roll of her eyes “You know how rare it is for two people not to have matching marks”

“Who is Lix’s soulmate then?” Hyune asked, looking over at the C again “Maybe someone who’s last name is Choi or Choe”

“Or Chae” Minhe added “Do you know anyone who has any of those last names?”

“No” Lix said, racking her mind through all of the trainees she had met over the last year and coming up short. She even went back to people she knew in Australia. There were a couple of boys from her church and taekwondo classes with one of those last names but she couldn’t imagine that any of them would be her soulmate.

“Maybe it’s a first name since it’s written in English” Hyune suggested.

At that, Lix tensed up slightly but thankfully her two friends didn’t catch it.

“Well if it’s a first name then it’s going to be hard to guess it just by the first letter” Minhe muttered, before looking at Lix “Do you have anyone that you want it to be?”

“Of course not, unnie” Lix said quickly “You know I don’t even have time to think about anyone like that. Too busy just trying to debut”

“Speaking about that, I heard one of the training managers talking” Hyune said excitedly, immediately distracted away from the thought of Lix’s soulmate “He was saying that they were going to put the three of us in a debut concept group!!”

Minhe’s eyes widened “What? Just us? Three is such a small number for a group…”

Lix tried to follow along as the other two girls talked about this potential concept group. It should have been exciting for her as well. She had only been in JYP for half a year now but debuting was obviously the ultimate goal. And debuting with her two closest trainee friends was a dream come true.

But she couldn’t think of any of that because her mind was just completely occupied with her new soulmark. The first letter of her soulmate’s name. And the little, lingering hope of who he would turn out to be…

Seven Months Earlier

A banner with JYP Homecoming 2017 written on it hung across the wall of the room that was crowded with all sorts of trainees and staff.

Lix couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed. She had just come to Korea a couple weeks back and this was the first time she was seeing all of the trainees in one place. Up until now, she had just mingled with the girls in her dorm and in her various training classes. She had only seen the male trainees in passing and knew almost none of the staff that was going around. Even Park Jinyoung was there which was surreal.

Lix had grown up seeing Miss A and Twice and 2pm, watched grainy JYP family concert videos that people uploaded on Youtube, and she couldn’t believe she was in the same room as the head of the company. All of her friends from her dance school back in Sydney had been ecstatic when she had passed the auditions and the owner of the school had even told her that she had star material and would go far.

But it was hard to believe that now that she was here. She felt self conscious amongst all the gorgeous model-like trainees that she was surrounded by everyday. The trainers had judged every single aspect of her: commenting on her voice which was really too deep for a female or her dance style which was more technical than fluid. Even her looks—which she had never really been self conscious of in Australia—had been picked apart. Her sun-kissed skin, prominent freckles, cheeks still a little chubby with baby fat, and her natural hair: a reddish brown that fell to her back in slightly frizzy waves were very much not in line with the typical Korean beauty standards and she was reminded of that constantly as she was surrounded by tall, willowy, moon-pale girls with silky black hair that danced like they were made of water or could do falsettos with no hesitation.

It also didn’t help that her Korean was still abysmal and she could barely understand anyone. Actually, that might make it better because it meant she didn’t know half of the bad things people were saying about her.

Somedays, especially on days like today where all of the best trainees had put on a showcase and a boy group even got offered a chance to debut, Lix felt like maybe it would be best just to go back home. She missed the sunny beaches of her hometown and felt completely out of place amongst this group of trainees who had been trained in singing and dancing since they were kids. She just wanted to be back in a place where she felt accepted and loved.

Lix curled up into herself a little more as everyone mingled; high off the success of another JYP homecoming show. She was normally an extrovert but she was so far out of her element here that she could barely talk.

“Did you get any food? They just put it out so you should get something before everyone else notices it's there”

Lix looked up with wide eyes and saw one of the male trainees standing in front of her. His hair was curly and grey, as though it had once been dyed platinum blonde and then faded. He was also extremely cute, but not in an unrealistic or untouchable way that some idols were. His face was open and warm and his eyes looked kind. She immediately recognized him as Bang Chan, the trainee who was the leader of the concept group that Park Jinyoung had just announced was going to go on a survival show and debut.

Lix immediately bowed, which was a little awkward since she was sitting, and brushed away the hair that got into her face. She had no idea why this trainee was talking to her, but was glad at least someone was. “Bang Chan-sshi, congratulations on your debut”

Chan’s eyes widened at her voice and Lix shrunk back even more. Everyone always told her that her voice was way too deep for a girl.

“Woah, is that your real voice?” Chan asked as he slid down into a chair in front of her. “I don’t think I’ve seen you perform at the monthly evaluations before”

“I just came here two weeks ago” Lix said a little slowly to make sure she was using the right words. “I haven’t done a monthly evaluation yet. I don’t know what to perform…”

“You could probably perform anything with that voice and it’ll sound cool” Chan said enthusiastically. Lix couldn’t help but be taken aback. No one had ever told her voice sounded cool before and she definitely didn’t expect this trainee—apparently beloved by the company and now slated to debut soon—to say it. “What kind of songs do you like?”

“I like jazz” Lix said immediately “Like Michael Bublé or Nina Simone”

Chan frowned a little bit and Lix felt her cheeks heat up. Did she say something wrong? Did Chan think her taste in music was lame or something? His group had done a hip hop version of an old HOT song so maybe that was what he was into.

But instead Chan just said “Your accent…”

“Ah yeah, I’m from Australia. Sorry, my Korean is probably really bad…” She wanted to hide under a table. Chan was so cute and she was so embarrassed.

But instead of just agreeing with her or straight up leaving like a lot of trainees did when they realized she couldn’t talk, Chan’s eyes just lit up and his whole face transformed as he grinned. He had dimples and Lix was mesmerized.

“No way!” Chan said in English. His accent was painfully familiar. “That’s so cool! I'm Aussie too. Whereabouts are you from? I’m from Sydney”

“I’m from Sydney too” Lix choked out. She felt herself tear up, which was mortifying but she couldn’t help it. She was so homesick and this was her first time ever being away from her family. She was a pretty easy crier in general and meeting someone from her hometown in this hostile, scary environment felt like a lifeline.

“Hey” Chan said, voice and face getting soft “It’s okay”

“I’m sorry!” Lix said as she furiously wiped at her eyes “This is so embarrassing! I’m just…I’m really happy to meet someone else from back home. I’ve been missing it”

Chan’s eyes looked like they were melting “I get it. I think I didn’t stop crying for like a month straight when I first moved here. I missed my parents and my siblings so much”

“I miss my family too” Lix sniffed “I have two sisters and we would always do everything together. No one here wants to do anything with me…”

“I’ll do things with you” Chan said quickly.

Lix shook her head with a wet laugh “You’re going to be so busy with your debut! I think I’m the last thing you need to worry about”

“No way, us Aussies have to look out for each other” Chan said “Always find me, yeah?”

“Yeah” Lix said. She beamed up at Chan, her first real smile since she had got to Korea. Chan looked at her like he as dazed.

“What was your favorite beach back home?” Lix asked. And just like that, the two of them spent the rest of the night talking about Australia and their hobbies and their dreams. Even though Lix was just a new, awkward trainee and she was sure that Chan had a million things to do and people that wanted to talk to him now that he was about to debut, he still spent his whole time just with her. It was like there was a bubble around them and no one else outside mattered.

By the end of the night when Lix ambled back to the girls’ dorms, she felt giddy and lovestruck. She couldn’t stop the blush that would come on her cheeks every time she thought about Chan and couldn’t stop herself from hoping that in seven months when she had her 18th birthday that the letter C showed up on her somewhere.

✦✦✦

A year later: a few months after Lix turned 19, she found herself in a room on the fifth floor of the JYP building with Minhe and Hyune. A trainer slid over a debut plan to them with a big smile. They had all been expecting it. The three of them had been grouped together for the past 5 monthly evaluations and had even performed at the 2018 JYP Homecoming together but to see it actually all written out was different. It felt real. The plan they had been given had a timeline for their teasers and official debut date, a whole page about their intended image, and their name—Trinity.

“A little on the nose for a three member group, but it’s a cool name” Minhe said with a grin.

“I had hoped for Triforce” Lix said, trying to sound disappointed but she was too excited for it to work. What would little 17 year old Lix say if she saw her current 19 year old self? It had been a little less than two years since she had first come to Korea but she felt like a completely different person now. She was more confident in her Korean, her dancing, her rapping, her looks, and even her composing.

“Triforce like from Zelda?” The training director asked with a single eyebrow raised.

“Our maknae is a bit of a nerd, don’t mind her” Hyune said smoothly.

Lix felt her chest balloon up. A maknae….she was officially a maknae now; an actual JYP idol with two band members she adored and who adored her back.

“We will need to record and film an MV for your debut track soon” another training director spoke up. “We have a couple of demo tracks for you to look through but I believe you also have been working on something, Yongbok-sshi?”

Lix looked up. She was still getting a little used to being called her Korean name. Most of the staff here prefered to call her Yongbok rather than Lix since it was easier for them. A lot of people told her that her Korean name sounded too old fashioned or masculine but she was fine with it, truth be told. Anything was better than her actual legal name: Felicia. Not that anyone knew about that here. She had dropped it way before coming to Korea: back in 2015 when the whole Bye, Felicia thing became a meme and she couldn’t go a day in school without people saying it to her. She had only gone by Lix since then and preferred that; but compared to Felicia, Yongbok was still miles better.

“I have a demo I’ve been working on. I’ll record a guide for it and send it to you by next week”

“Make it the end of this week, we need to finalize your debut single as soon as possible” the director said, looking down at all the material again. “The whole self composed group angle has worked well for Stray Kids and we’re hoping to market you as a sort of sister group to them so if Park Jinyoung-sshi approves of your song, we can go with that”

Both Hyune and Minhe looked at her hopefully and Lix smiled back at them hesitantly. She did have a song she had been working on for months now that she thought would be perfect for them, but she wasn’t sure if it was perfect enough. This was their debut…her two bandmates would be counting on her and she needed to make it the best song any of them had ever heard.

So Lix sequestered herself in an empty studio room for the next few days and worked on it nonstop. She recorded vocals and then started on mastering what she could even though it was only a demo and didn’t need to sound professional in any way. It was the first song she would ever be showing to Park Jinyoung and the pressure felt heavy on her shoulders. Everyday people would stop and congratulate her on the news of her upcoming debut but she couldn’t even appreciate the moment because she was too worried about this damn song.

After a few days of mental torture, she decided to finally get feedback from the one person that had always helped her out the most. This time when she went back to the recording studios, she slipped into the occupied one at the end of the hall that no other trainee ever dared go into.

“Lix-yahhhhh” Jisung cried, throwing his hands up into the air as she entered the room “Congratulations on your debut!!”

Lix blushed as she came in and looked at all the 3racha members. She had gotten pretty close to them in the past year. When she had mentioned to Chan that she was interested in composing, he had immediately taken her under his wing and introduced her to Jisung and Changbin. Whenever any of them had free time she would spend an hour or two in the studio with 3racha learning all aspects of music production. It wasn’t too often as Stray Kids was usually pretty busy with they own things but they had spent enough time together that she felt completely comfortable with all three boys.

“You dyed your hair!” Changbin said happily, looking at the platinum blonde. Since she had come to JYP, the stylists had tried a rainbow of colors on her but upper management had all decided that she looked the best as a blonde. Lix didn’t really know what to think of these type of decisions being made for her so analytically by a group of middle aged executives but she tried not to reflect on it too much.

Just like she tried not to reflect on her soulmark: which now read “Christopher” in neat script leading down her arm. It wasn’t complete yet but she knew it couldn’t be any other Christopher besides the one sitting in front of her. Fate wouldn’t be that cruel.

“Management said I look the best with blonde” Lix said as she sank down into one of the chairs. “They think it’ll help us get fans if I debut like this”

“You look good with anything” Jisung said, leaning over to ruffle her hair “I liked the blue, though”

“I think the pink was my favorite” Changbin mussed. They both looked over at Chan, whose ears were red.

“What about you, hyung?” Changbin asked “Which of the rainbow of Bokkie did you like best?”

“Rainbokkie” Lix grinned, making the three boys erupt into laughter.

“I liked the reddish-brown hair you had when we first met” Chan said through giggles.

Lix looked at him with wide eyes “You remember that?”

“Of course I do, Lix” Chan said, almost looking offended that she would think he wouldn’t remember that night. Maybe he was offended. If he really was Lix’s soulmate, he should have her full name somewhere on him by now and of course he would remember the first time he met his soulmate. “The red hair looked really cool on you, but you haven’t done it in awhile. Is it hard to maintain?”

“Not hard at all since it’s my actual real hair color” Lix giggled. Knowing that Chan liked her natural looks made her heart do a weird flipping thing.

“Seriously? You got some cool genetics, Lix” Jisung said as he swiped a thumb over her freckles.

“Hey, let’s not touch her without her permission” Chan said sharply, almost glaring at Jisung.

“Hyung, don’t say it like that! You’re making me sound like a creep”

“You were literally touching her face without asking her” Chan said, that serious voice and expression still there. Lix had never seen Chan like this before. She had heard other trainees talk about it: the strict, no-nonsense tyrant Bang Chan. But she had never experienced it personally. He was usually so gentle and calm when talking to her.

“I heard some of the trainers talking about you making your debut song” Changbin said to Lix, completely ignoring his two bandmates.

“Seriously?” Chan asked, immediately forgetting about Jisung. “PD-nim asked you to compose your debut track?”

“He didn’t ask me specifically” Lix said “they just gave me the chance to. Said it would be nice if we could be self composed like you guys are. They even said that they wanted us to be your sister group”

“Wow! I’ve never had a sister!” Jisung said excitedly.

“When they said sister group I don’t think they meant it literally, oppa. They don't actually want your parents to adopt us.” Lix giggled.

“They want you to be a self composed group?” Chan asked, eyebrows knitted in worry “But that’s too much for you”

“You’re literally a self composed group!”

“Yeah, but there are three of us!” Chan persisted “All the pressure isn’t just on one person. That isn’t fair to you”

“Hyune unnie is interested in composing too so it probably won’t be just me” Lix said quickly “and we probably won’t be 100% self composed like Stray Kids. We don’t have your galaxy brain”

“Galaxy brain?” Chan coughed, turning bright red all over.

“Yeah: genius Chris, brilliant Chris, artist Chris, take your pick” Lix said. Chan started sputtering and hid his head in his arms so that only his curly hair and bright red ears showed.

“Okay, let’s stop before you give hyung a heart attack” Changbin laughed “You know he’s bad at taking compliments, especially from you. Now let’s hear your demo!”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Lix mumbled as she opened her laptop and brought up Cubase.

“What’s the song called?” Jisung asked.

“Taste. For…uh, obvious reasons when you hear it” Lix said as she pulled up the track that had become her whole life recently and hit play. The small studio room filled with the heavy beat and Lix’s deep voice soon after. Even though it was always awkward letting others hear her work, she couldn’t take her eyes off of the three boys as they listened. Especially Chan. His whole face was scrunched up like he had just smelled something bad but she had learned a while back that was a good thing.

“Woah” Changbin said as the final beats of the song finished “This is your debut track?”

“I haven’t heard a Kpop girl group do a concept like this for their debut before” Jisung added in.

“Is it bad?” Lix asked immediately. Her self consciousness reared its ugly head once again. This was the most important song she had ever made and these were three seasoned, professional composers. If they thought her stuff sucked then it was over…

“No, it’s so good” Chan said immediately before Lix could spiral further “It isn’t the typical debut song, but fits the three of you perfectly. Really makes a statement. Who did you get to do the demo with you?”

“What?”

“The falsettos in this. Who did you get to record them with you? Minhe-sshi?”

“No, I did them” Lix said, shaking her head “I needed to finish the demo up by the end of today so I didn’t have time to get additional voices on the track. Do you think I should re-record them?”

“You did the falsettos?” Chan asked, looking shocked.

“They sounded great, Lix! I thought you could only do the deep voice” Jisung cried “I told you guys, cool genetics”

“You three are going to blow up once you debut” Changbin said with certainty “PD-nim would be an idiot not to approve of Taste”

Lix luxuriated in the compliments for a little. Though her insecurity wasn’t as bad as it had been a year and a half ago when she was a fresh trainee, she still wasn’t as confident in her skills as she hoped. Both her bandmates oozed confidence in a way she admired and was envious of, but having these three boys in front of her like her song was definitely helping things: especially knowing that Chan approved of it. It could be because she admired his skills as a producer or because he was her soulmate, but either way he was always the one she wanted approval from the most.

She discussed final details with 3racha a bit more before leaving them to their own work. She walked down the hallway a bit before a voice stopped her.

“Hey Lix!”

She turned to see Chan coming down after her. Her brows furrowed in confusion.

“Oh hey, Chris. Did I forget to take something?”

“No” Chan said as he came up in front of her. His ears were still a little red “I just wanted to let you know that I really liked Taste. It’s…you did a great job with it”

“Yeah, you told me that in the studio” Lix said with a laugh “Did you come out here just to tell me again?”

“Well, I wanted to make sure that you knew how good it is” Chan said earnestly. Lix felt her heart rate double “And to let you know that you can always ask me for any help with your songs. Just send me a message anytime and I’ll help out”

“No way, Chris. You’re so busy with Stray Kids. I don’t want to bother you more than I already do”

“You can never bother me, Lix” Chan said immediately. Lix thought that couldn’t be true but everything that Chan did pointed to him being honest about it. She often reached out to him with questions about composing or to send him little videos of funny things from back home. He always responded right away. She wanted so badly to ask if it was because they were soulmates but she couldn’t bring herself to. Not until she got her full soulmark at least.

Chris smiled at her. “Promise me you’ll talk to me whenever you need help, yeah? It has to be so lonely for you having all that pressure by yourself”

“But you already help me out so much” Lix said, looking him right in the eye “I’m never lonely because you’re always there”

Chan flushed even further, stumbling over his words as he brought up a hand to rub at the back of his neck. “I…well….uh…I don’t…”

“Yongboks, is this strange man bothering you?”

Both Lix and Chan jumped at the new voice. They turned to see Minhe and Hyune walking towards them wearing matching shit-eating grins. They were both painfully aware of the name currently written on Lix’s arm and who it belonged to.

“Unnie, don’t make fun of me!”

“I think she’s making fun of me” Chan interjected with a little laugh.

“I’m not making fun of anyone” Minhe said as she slung an arm around Lix’s shoulders and looked at Chan with both eyebrows raised “What are you doing talking to my dongsaeng alone in the hall, Bang Chan-sshi? We’re debuting soon so we have to be careful about gossiping eyes”

Chan immediately bowed, looking so flustered “I’m sorry! Lix just showed us your debut track and I was talking to her about it. It was all professional!”

“You showed him our debut track before you let us listen to it?” Hyune asked with a gasp as she also draped herself across Lix “What kind of maknae are you, angel? How can you do that to your unnies??”

“Both of you stop embarrassing me” Lix muttered to the two girls hanging off of her. She looked at Chan apologetically.

“I’m…uh…I’ll just go back to my members” Chan said, pointing to the direction of the studio he had just come out of “Congratulations on your debut, Minhe-sshi and Hyune-sshi! And message me later, Lix”

“Bye” Minhe called out, not even bothering to look at the older boy as he scampered away.

“Why are both of you so humiliating?” Lix moaned when they heard the studio door closing.

“Because we’re looking out for you, Yongboks” Minhe said “You really do have to be careful. Once we debut, there’s going to be a million eyes on you and none of them are going to be happy to see you interacting with a male idol. So you have to keep it low key, even if he is your soulmate”

“Plus, we have to keep him in line too” Hyune added in “Bang Chan-sshi needs to know that we won’t be okay with him just stringing you along and not mentioning anything to you about him being your soulmate”

“He isn’t stringing me along” Lix sniffed “I think he probably feels awkward about it too because he’s an idol and I’m still a trainee. You know he’s always thinking too much about things”

“I barely know him at all” Minhe said with a roll of her eyes “But I do know that he needs to be more proactive if he’s going to be a good soulmate to our baby”

Lix looked at her with beseeching eyes “He’s a good guy, unnie. Try to like him for my sake, okay?”

“Don’t look at me like that. You know I’ll do anything for you, Boks” Minhe sighed “Even if it means I have to keep an open mind about a man”

“Now come on, we need to hear this song that you made for us” Hyune said as she led the three of them out of the hallway.

✦✦✦

Changbin had been correct when he predicted that Trinity would blow up once they debuted. Park Jinyoung had actually approved of Taste and once the trio dropped the (admittedly sexy) music video for it, everyone had gone insane. The three of them had gone viral across all social media platforms with some people calling it one of the biggest Kpop debuts to date. Even videos from their debut press conference had been circulating around getting millions of views.

Everyone was in awe of Hyune’s model looks and fluid dance moves. Minhe’s nonchalant, slightly snarky attitude during the question and answer portion was a breath of fresh air in the normally overly polished Kpop scene and paired with her impressive dance abilities and steady falsettos, she was attracting fans left and right. Lix was surprised to see that she was getting fans as well. She had always considered herself a little lacking compared to her bandmates, but it seemed as though everyone was enamored with her duality. A deep voiced rapper who looked like she came out of a fairytale with her penchant for pink lacy dresses, glitter, and hair bows almost broke the internet. She had become a living meme in every positive way.

They had all been nervous to debut a group with so few members, but it turned out that because of their small number it was easier for each girl to shine individually. By the time their music show promotions for Taste were over, they already had 4 wins and all three members had a slew of brand deals and the photoshoots to go along with it.

All of this just made the anticipation for their next track even higher. Lix found herself in the studio almost every day and more often than not, Chan was there with her to help her out or just keep her company as she traversed the world of being an idol composer. Most of the times they did have the best intentions to work through the night, but they were often derailed by one of them going off on tangents and talking about whatever came to their mind. Lix had never had someone who understood her as well as Chan did. Part of it was because of their shared homestown, but most of it was obviously because he was her soulmate. Even if her mark didn’t currently read ‘Christopher Ch’; she would know that the two of them were meant to be. There was no one else her soul connected with as deeply as Chan.

One night, she was showing him a YouTube video of a guy getting stuck in a narrow cave while exploring when a message flashed across her screen. She quickly brought her phone closer to her and opened the message, reading it with a growing frown on her face.

“Who is that?” Chan asked, looking at her screen in curiosity.

“Just someone I did a photoshoot with last week” Lix sighed as she put the phone down “I have no idea how he even got my number…”

Chan’s eyes narrowed “Last week? The only photoshoot you did was the UNICEF one. And the only guy you shot with was Faker. Is that Faker?”

“Why do you have my schedule memorized?”

“Holy shit, Faker is texting you?” Chan asked, excited “Did he invite you to come to League All Stars?”

“No. I think I probably have to get my level up from silver if I want to be able to talk about anything League related with him”

“We just got to play more matches and we can get up to gold in no time. We went from bronze to silver pretty quick” Chan said with a laugh. Then, as though a sudden thought hit him, he frowned: looking a lot less excited than he had been seconds before. “If Faker wasn’t talking to you about League then what did he want?”

“What they all want. To meet up and maybe get dinner together sometime”

“What do you mean all??”

“All the guys who text me” Lix said, looking up “You know what I’m talking about. I’m sure you have female celebrities reaching out to you all the time too. I don’t know why they think the JYP dating policy is so lenient. I’m pretty sure we’ve got the most intense one out of all the Big Three…”

“I don’t…no. That’s never…”

“What?” Lix snorted “You want me to believe no idol has ever hit on you before?”

“Not that I know of! The other kids tell me I’m kind of dense, though, so maybe I just never noticed. But I think most girl group members would expect me to make the first move anyway, so no grand confessions or anything” Chan said sheepishly. He seemed to not want to talk about this a all. But Lix wasn’t going to let him off so easily. The Christopher Ch on her arm felt like it was burning.

“And you never wanted to ask anyone out?”

“I guess not” Chan said, looking a little uncomfortable. Lix didn’t want to push him too much so she decided to drop it, but he was the one who asked the next question “Are you going to say yes?”

“Huh?”

“To him” Chan asked, nodding towards her phone “Are you going to meet up with him?”

“Oh, no” Lix said quickly “I don’t really date like that”

“Why not?”

Lix swallowed deeply. She was nervous about answering but maybe this was the step they both needed “I’m saving all of that…you know, dating and things, for my soulmate”

Chan’s eyes widened, which was to be expected. Lix had basically just confessed that she was waiting for him. It wasn’t really common for people in their industry to care much about soulmates at their age. They all knew that they couldn’t date seriously at this point of their careers so most people just chose to just date amongst each other casually and then pursue their soulmates once their careers stabilized.

But Lix knew that wouldn’t work for her. Even if her and Chan couldn’t be with each other seriously, there was no way that she could just date around knowing her actual soulmate was this close to her. She hoped Chan felt the same way.

“You care about meeting your soulmate that much?” Chan asked a little hesitantly. Lix tried to gauge his expression but he kept it closed off.

“Of course I do. Your soulmate is someone the universe destined for you. Don’t you think it’s romantic?”

“I did” Chan said, before shaking his head “I mean, I still do! But I get confused by it a lot because what if the universe is wrong? What if it destined you to the wrong person?”

Lix frowned. Was Chan trying to say that he was wrong for her? She knew that just like herself, Chan also struggled with his own insecurities. But to her he was the most perfect person in the world. She couldn’t imagine being fated to anyone else.

“I think the universe can make mistakes sometimes” Lix said carefully “And I know just being soulmates with someone doesn’t guarantee a lifetime of happiness but I think the universe did a good job with mine. He's one hundred percent worth the wait”

Chan looked stricken. He turned from her to stare at the soundboard in front of them “You…uh…you know your soulmate?”

Lix wanted to scream. She was halfway to her 20th birthday, of course she knew who he was! Well, Chan did have an unusually long name so her mark wasn’t complete like most other people’s were at her age but she didn’t know who else in the world “Christopher Ch” could be.

“I do” Lix said. She could see Chan shrink into himself “And he’s the best person I’ve ever known. Even if I have to wait decades for him, it’ll be worth it”

“He’s really lucky to have you” Chan whispered.

“I think I’m the lucky one to have him”

Chan nodded, still not looking at her “Well that’s great to hear. Now let’s get back to work on this track of yours…”

✦✦✦

In their first year, Trinity achieved more than any rookie group could hope for. Their follow up to Taste, Charmer, did just as well on the charts and online which led to a massively popular debut album a few months later. Individually, the three girls had been just as successful. Lix landed a brand ambassadorship with Louis Vuitton which in turn, gave her the chance to her walk the runway twice. She also posted an incredibly high amount of viral videos to the Trinity tiktok account and it made her one of the currently most googled idols.

Stray Kids had also had a breakout year. Their song God’s Menu went viral and their slow and steady progress skyrocketed to the point where they were selling out stadium tours in the matter of minutes.

Due to both of their current successes, JYP had decided to produce a special collaboration mini album with their two star groups. Lix had been shocked when their manager first told them about it. Sure JYP had a history of doing collaborations between male and female groups. Wonder Girls had collaborated with Big Bang in the past as had 2pm and Girls Generation. But those were mainly for one off performances or singular campaigns. They had never produced whole albums together and it was both thrilling and nerve-racking for Lix. She barely survived being in the same studio as Chan whenever she worked with 3racha. How was she going to deal with doing a whole collab project?

One small blessing was that this mini album would only have one group song with the rest being duos and the higher ups had already chosen which members to pair up for those. They had decided to go a more cliche, expected route based on their stage personas. Minhe with her falsettos and gentle tones was paired with Seungmin to do a emotional power ballad. Hyune, the sexy and sensual one, was paired with Chan to do a slow, seductive song. Lix was so thankful that wasn’t her because as much as she wanted to work with Chan, there was no way in hell she could sing anything remotely sexy with him without embarrassing herself to the point of needing to leave JYP and go back to Australia.

Luckily for her, management had grouped her with Jisung to do a rager style rap track. It was comfortable all the way around: she was singing in her range, in a style that spoke to her, with someone she was already close to.

She was in the studio with 3racha going over the lyrics of their track with Jisung. They had already written most of the song, which they were calling Truman, and were just finalizing their solo verses on it.

“I like the flow of this part of your rap” Jisung said, pointing to a section of the lyrics. Lix, who had taken up the mantle of rapper in Trinity out of necessity more than innate ability, was eager to have his feedback “The lyrics are good too, even if you put Rengar in our pre-chorus”

“You put Rengar in your song?” Chan asked with a laugh “What a nerd, Lix”

“I’m trying to get League to notice me, okay” Lix whined “How is it fair that Stray Kids got on the Arcane soundtrack when you suck at playing so much?”

“Excuse me?” Chan asked with a huff “Who’s the one who helped get you up to Gold?”

“I helped you. You were inside your jungle for ten minutes straight that last match! Plus, I was the one who got Riot to give you your account back a few months ago”

“You guys play League together?” Changbin asked.

Chan looked at him strangely “Yeah, Lix and I have been playing together since before she debuted”

“Hey, what is this line about?” Jisung asked, pointing to a part of the lyrics. He had obviously been not paying attention to any of the conversation going on around him “Who is Charles Leclerc?”

“He’s an F1 racer” Lix explained happily “For Ferrari. He’s the best!”

“Not better than Hamilton” Chan said, looking delighted at being a little shit to Lix. It was obvious that riling her up was one of his favorite things to do.

“How can you say that? Leclerc is the slow and steady racer! His career has longevity without needing all the glitz”

“Oh my god!” Jisung said excitedly, bouncing up and down in his seat like a wild thought just occurred to him “Is Charles Leclerc your soulmate?” Changbin, Lix, and Chan all turned to him with wide eyes.

“What?” Lix cried.

“I saw your soulmark ages ago, back when we first got them” Jisung said. He pointing to a spot right underneath his armpit “You only had two letters back then but they were a C and a H. That’s Charles Leclerc, right? Have you talked to him about it yet? Oh my god, is that why Louis Vuitton is sponsoring the Australian Grand Prix?? It all makes sense now!!”

Jisung had said so many insane things in that ramble but one stood out to Lix the most “You saw my soulmark??”

“It was a long time ago and only two letters!” Jisung whined.

“That’s still so rude, Han. You know you’re not supposed to look at someone’s soulmark unless they give you permission” Changbin interjected, chastising his bandmate.

Lix snuck a glance over at Chan, who was staring at his lap with a tense, almost horrified expression on his face. She had no way of knowing what was going through his mind—was he worried that Charles Leclerc was actually the name she had written on her and he would have to deal with his soulmate being tied to someone else? Or was he worried that Jisung might make the connection between them next?

Either way, she felt like she needed to defend their connection.

“Of course my soulmate isn’t a famous F1 driver” Lix said with a little laugh, looking at Jisung. “That wouldn’t even make any sense. How would I cross paths with someone like that?”

“I mean, you’re one of the most popular celebrities right now, Lix” Jisung said “And you’re a runway model. You think F1 drivers don’t date runway models?”

“I think they don’t date Kpop idols”

“But they would date you” Jisung said with a frown “Anyone would be crazy not to date you”

“Well they’re all out of luck because I’m waiting for my soulmate” Lix said with a shake of her head “Who is not any sort of F1 driver, just to clarify”

They continued on with the writing session without any more drama. By the end, all four of their tracks had been finished and they were ready to start recording demos to send to Park Jinyoung for final approval.

Jisung found Lix in an empty dance practice room later that day and basically groveled at her feet in apology.

“I’m so sorry, Lix! I really didn’t mean to look at your soulmark before—I saw it by total accident because one of the sleeves of your hoodie came down but I shouldn’t have brought it up to anyone else, anyways. That was really insensitive of me and…”

“Breathe, Hannie” Lix interrupted with a little laugh “It’s okay, don’t give yourself a panic attack over it. I wasn’t upset”

“No, I was being really rude” Jisung sniffed “Channie hyung yelled at me for like ten minutes straight after you left the studio. He said that it was totally uncalled for to talk about your soulmark with others and he’s right. I wasn’t even thinking. I’m really, really sorry Lix”

Lix stiffened a little at that “Chris said that?”

“Yeah, he was so pissed.” Jisung said “I promise that I only saw your soulmark by accident before. You can see mine as payback!”

“I don’t need to see yours!!”

But Jisung was already pulling up the leg of his pants, showing off the pretty cursive name scrawled on his calf. It wasn’t anyone Lix recognized.

“My soulmate is a family friend from back home” Jisung said as he lowered his pants again “We already talked about it and we’re both fine with waiting for now. It’s hard to be with anyone when you’re an idol and he’s still in university. But we're willing to wait for each other”

“That’s really sweet” Lix said softly.

“Yeah, Changbin hyung is the same way. His soulmate is in uni too and she’s studying to be a stylist so they’re hoping they can work together one day in the future”

“Have you seen all of your bandmates soulmarks?” Lix asked, swallowing heavily.

“Most of them, I guess” Jisung said with a shrug “I mean, we all live together and I’ve accidentally walked in on more than a few of them showering so it’s kind of hard to keep them hidden. It’s probably the same for you, huh?”

“I think the whole company have seen Minhe and Hyune’s soulmarks. They don’t exactly keep them secret” Lix said with a roll of her eyes. She hesitated a little before asking “Have you seen Chris’?”

Jisung’s eyes widened and he hopped in place a little “No! We’re all so curious but he always changes the topic when anyone brings up soulmates. So then we tried to see if we can find his mark anywhere but he keeps it really hidden. I think it’s on his wrist since he’s always wearing bands or bracelets on it. But for sure not anywhere on his chest or back since he always walks around the dorm without a shirt…”

Lix decided to ignore that piece of information for the sake of her sanity.

“Why do you want to know? Have you seen it?” Jisung asked finally. Lix looked down at the ground, debating on whether or not this was a good idea. But even though Jisung had a bit of a reputation for being a blabbermouth, as she had just witnessed, she did trust him. She knew he would never hurt her on purpose and maybe he could give her some insight on how Chan’s brain worked. Sure, her and Chan were close but there was only so close a male and female idol could get. She didn’t know him nearly as well as his bandmates did.

So before she could talk herself out of it, Lix unzipped her hoodie and pulled it off.

“I haven’t seen his but…”

She was only wearing a tank top underneath so her soulmark was on full display as it ran down the full length of her arm. Jisung took it in with his mouth wide open. Lix couldn’t help but look down at it too, the way she always did whenever she took a shower or was getting dressed. It was finally complete now: the painfully neat “Christopher Chan Bang” tattooed permanently on her skin. She felt a rush every single time she saw it. It was still surreal to believe that the most perfect man in the world was actually her soulmate.

Jisung gasped as he looked up at her. His eyes were the widest she’d ever seen them.

“Hyung is your soulmate?”

“It seems like it”

“That…makes so much sense now” Jisung said. He started laughing so hard that he slumped down to the side.

“What makes sense?” Lix asked, confused. She had expected the shock but the laughter was a little out of the blue.

“Lix-yah, I don’t think you realize how obsessed with you Channie hyung is” Jisung said, looking up between giggles. Lix immediately felt her whole body heat up in embarrassment. “He’s like…always talking about you. All the time!! It’s always Oh Lix makes the best cookies in the world, Lix just sent me this YouTube video and it’s soooo funny, or Wow Lix is such a little sunshine angel baby”

“Shut the fuck up” Lix cried, slapping her hands in Jisung’s direction “He does not say that stuff!”

“He does though!” Jisung whined “Nonstop. We thought it was just because he was excited to have someone else in the company from Sydney but now I get it!”

“He’s never mentioned it to me yet, though. He hasn't brought up us being soulmates once”

Jisung paused and frowned a little bit “Well you know how hyung is. He’s probably all caught up in his own head about things. He really loves you a lot though, Lixie. I’m sure he’s overwhelmed by it”

“You don’t think he regrets having me as a soulmate, do you?” Lix asked “Sometimes when I bring the topic up, he seems sad”

“He’s always been weird about it” Jisung said “I think he just feels a lot of pressure, especially since you’re his soulmate. He probably feels like he has to be perfect for you”

“But he is perfect for me” Lix whined.

“Just keep showing him that” Jisung encouraged “He’ll learn to accept it soon enough”

The soon enough didn’t actually happen anytime soon, though. Throughout the whole collaboration project, Lix tried her best to show Chan how great and talented and lovely he was. All it really did was make him get all blushy and embarrassed, which was adorable but not exactly the outcome she wanted.

There were some moments where she felt like Chan might be breaking a little. One day he had been tasked with finding her and bringing her to dance practice for their group song. Lix had been on the roof of the JYP building filming a tiktok dance cover to Tyla’s Water and Chan had walked in on her twerking while pouring water all over herself.

He had turned the deepest shade of red she had ever seen and then disappeared from dance practice for the first ten minutes of it. When he returned, he didn’t look any less flustered.

“He was totally jerking off in the bathroom before practice” Hyune said ever so casually when they were back in their dorm that night.

“What?” Lix sputtered.

“Yeah” Minhe agreed “I know the face of man who just shamefully beat one off to the thought of his precious soulmate and Bang Chan had that look”

“How would you know?”

“Trust your unnies” Hyune said with a grin “keep it up and you’re going to break him soon”

Chan did break eventually, however it wasn’t in the way that any of them predicted.

They had just started choreographing their unit songs and each member of Trinity, with their years of dance experience before debuting, took charge of their own tracks. That left Changbin and Jeongin—the sole unit made up of just Stray Kids members--without anyone to choreograph for them. Sure they might have been able to do it themselves, but Stray Kids weren’t exactly known for their dancing prowess with some fans even comparing them to Big Bang. The girls offered to do it but management thought they already had enough on their plates with their own songs. So instead they brought in a semi-famous Korean American choreographer to come up with something.

None of them knew the drama they were about to unleash with that one decision.

“This is the dancer we hired from America to choreograph Burnin’ Tires” the trainer said as he came in with a girl near the end of practice one day. They all bowed to a young woman in cargo pants and a crop top. She looked like a badass with piercings all along the shell of her ears and snakebites on her lips. Her hair was dyed a shocking red and her eyes had cat liner so sharp that Lix wanted to drag her aside to get pointers on how to do it.

“Hi everyone!” The girl said in very careful Korean. “I’m Felicity Kim. Which two am I going to be working with?”

Felicity Lix thought as Changbin and Jeongin walked up to her. She wondered if she should have changed her name to that instead. It was much closer to Felicia than Lix was.

She could feel Chan tense up next to her and she looked over in curiosity. He looked like he was seconds away from having a heart attack. His eyes were wide, his skin as even paler than normal, and he was biting his lips so hard he’d probably draw blood soon.

“Chris, are you okay?” Lix asked, reaching out to touch his wrist. The cooling sweat on his wristband felt gross under her fingers but she was too worried about him to care.

Chan snapped his hand away from her like he had been burned. Lix was shocked at the reaction. Chan had never been anything but gentle to her before.

“Woah hyung, what are you doing?” Jisung asked.

“Are you fighting with Bokkie?” Minhe added, coming up to stand between him and Lix.

Fighting?? Lix wondered. She looked at Chan with scared eyes. What would they possibly be fighting about? It had just been a regular, run of the mill practice day and they had just done their genshin dailies together like half an hour ago. Surely she couldn’t have done anything to piss off Chan in the past half an hour. 

Chan shook his head and they all saw his face morph into horrified guilt.

“No, of course not” Chan said in a rush. “I’m sorry! I was just…I forgot I had to do something really important. Sorry guys, I’m going to have to leave practice early”

“It’s no problem, we finished our part” Hyune said with a shrug before she narrowed her eyes at him “But you should apologize to Lix for being so rough”

“It’s fine, he didn’t do anything” Lix said in a rush.

Chan turned to her with a sorrowful expression “Sorry, Lixie. For everything”

“Everything?” Lix asked in confusion, but Chan was already gathering all of his stuff and heading out of the practice room. She turned to the others “What does he mean for everything?”

“Don’t bother to try to understand that grandpa” Seungmin said wisely.

“Yeah, knowing hyung he’s just been stressed over this collab and the next comeback. He’ll probably come to his senses soon and then beg for your forgiveness” Jisung joked.

But Chan didn’t do any of that. Instead, he continued to withdraw into himself and ignore Lix’s existence. With their schedules and the nature of being idols, they had never spent a ton of time together on their own but they always texted throughout the day: snippets of songs they were working on, suggestions about certain hooks, funny videos they found on instagram or YouTube, random Aussie memes obviously made by Americans because of how bad they were. They were usually just fun, mindless messages but Lix loved getting and sending every single one. She cherished anything that she did with her soulmate. Which is why she was so shocked and hurt when the messages suddenly stopped.

“Do you think he’s mad at me for something?” Lix asked her bandmates when they were alone in a practice room one day. They were choreographing dances for tracks that Lix had made for their next comeback.

“How could anyone be mad at you?” Hyune asked in between a series of body rolls.

“Maybe he’s lost interest in me” Lix pouted from where she was sitting on the ground “My name isn’t that long so his soulmark has probably been complete for years now but he’s never mentioned it to me”

“He’d be an idiot to not be interested in you” Minhe mumbled from where she was sprawled on the ground next to Lix “You’re adorable, Yongboks”

And Lix knew that was true. She wouldn’t consider herself vain but she was an idol and quite aware of the visual aspect that surrounded that. She had walked the runway twice and people always compared her to a whole slew of fairytale creatures. She knew she wasn’t bad looking but maybe she wasn’t Chan’s type.

“He might be into girls who look totally different than me. We’ve obviously never talked about it” Lix said with a sigh as she stared up at Hyune. “Maybe he likes girls with more curves like unnie”

Lix looked down at her own, scrawny body and then back at Hyune with her long, toned limbs and perfect set of boobs. Minhe followed her line of vision and tangled their legs together.

“No way” Minhe said with a grin “A rack like that would be completely wasted on a man”

“Especially a man like Bang Chan” Hyune added. “Besides, he’s so attracted to you that it’s embarrassing to watch”

“What do you mean?” Lix demanded.

“You have to have noticed it, baby” Hyune said with a groan “He’s always looking at you. I’m practically grinding up against him during our song but he never reacts to it at all. However I totally saw him pop a boner when he watched you and Jisung dance to Truman and it’s not even a sexy song”

“He did not!”

“He did” Minhe grinned “It’s very hard to hide something that size”

“I will never understand why the universe decided to reward such a daft and hopeless man with a soulmate as cute as you and a dick as big as that” Hyune sighed.

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with Chris!” Lix cried. Even though she was here complaining about him ignoring her, she still felt defensive over him.

But the longer that Chan decided to ignore her, the harder it got to defend him. They had gone from talking everyday to barely talking at all even during practice. And those conversations were all very surface level. It had gotten to the point where the members who had no idea about her and Chan being soulmates started questioning if something was wrong. Seungmin confronted Chan about it after practice one day and the leader just shook his head and said that everything was okay and he was just really, really busy with a bunch of projects.

The nature of one of those projects came to light when the three members of Trinity stepped into the practice room one day and found Changbin and Jeongin giggling to each other.

“I can’t believe hyung did that. I thought he was totally hopeless” Changbin laughed. Jeongin shook his head.

“Are they talking about Chris?” Lix asked Jisung, who just shrugged.

“I just got here, I have no idea what they’re yapping about” Jisung said before turning to his two bandmates “What did Channie hyung do?”

“He went on a date!” Jeongin answered happily.

Lix, Minhe, Hyune, and Jisung all froze in their spots.

“What?” Hyune asked, hands balled into fists. “With who?”

“With Felicity, that choreographer that made our dance. They went out last night” Changbin answered. It was obvious that both of them were completely oblivious to the tension going through half of the group, too delighted with the fact that their repressed and seemingly love-phobic leader had finally gone on a date.

Lix immediately turned and walked out of the practice room as calmly as she could. She made it down the hallway and into an empty studio before completely breaking down. Big, ugly tears rolled down her face as her heart felt like it was going to tear out of her chest.

Chan went on a date with someone else? Why would he do that? Was he trying to find someone else besides her? Did he hate the idea of being her soulmate that much?

The door to the practice room burst open and she immediately found herself surrounded by three pairs of arms.

“Baby, don’t cry” Hyune whispered into her hair “He’s not worth it”

“He’s my soulmate” Lix said in anguish “Why doesn’t he want to be with me?”

“He does, Lixie” Jisung said, shaking his head “I promise you he does”

“He fucking went on a date with some other girl, Han Jisung” Minhe bit out “Don’t defend him!”

“I’m not defending him!” Jisung said quickly “I have no idea why he went on a date with Felicity, he’s so in love with Lix that it almost hurts to see”

“He’s obviously not” Lix cried “I thought all I had to do was wait for him and then we’d be together. He knows I’m waiting for him, I told him that I was.”

“Yongboks” Minhe breathed out, hugging the girl harder.

“Am I not good enough for him?” Lix asked shakily as she cried into her bandmate’s shoulder “I don’t look like Felicity and I can’t dance like her either. I thought being his soulmate would be enough but he wants somebody else!”

"You're more than good enough" Minhe whispered. 

“Chan is an idiot” Hyune said “And he’s going to regret letting you go every single day for the rest of his life. Just because his name is on you doesn’t mean that he’s the only one for you. You can get any man you want, angel”

Lix nodded into Minhe’s shoulder but her mind couldn’t wrap around it. She had never wanted anyone but Chan—how could she even think about being with someone else? Just the thought of it made her feel sick.

“I really don’t know what’s wrong with hyung” Jisung said, looking angry “Something’s been going on with him for the past week but this is really shitty even for him. And totally out of character. He’d never do anything to hurt Lix”

“Well he did” Hyune said, glaring at the boy “And we’re not going to let him hurt her anymore today. Tell the rest that Lix isn’t feeling well and we’re going to skip practice today”

“And tell your hyung to go to hell while your at it” Minhe added in.

“I will” Jisung said with a nod “Take care of her, okay?”

“We always do”

The three girls went back to their dorm where they let Lix cry out all her anguish and sorrow and then maneuvered her to the couch where they wrapped her in the fluffiest blankets they owned, brought her gallons of her favorite strawberry ice cream, and watched every movie where the female protagonist ended up killing a bunch of guys. They called it a ‘fuck men marathon’ and Lix was never more thankful for them.

She fell asleep halfway through Kill Bill with both of her unnie’s comforting weight on top of her: feeling loved by them even when the rest of her world felt like it was crashing down around her.

The next day, Lix went to a practice room by herself to run through the steps of Truman while her two bandmates went to group practice. She wasn’t quite ready to face Chan again yet or see Jisung’s pitying face but she also didn’t want to be alone in their dorm. A solo dance practice was exactly what she needed to momentarily get her mind off of things, even though it was pretty impossible to do.

She was halfway through her tenth run of the song when the door to the practice room opened and Chan stepped in. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before: the dark circles under his eye so pronounced she could see them from the other side of the room.

Lix kicked at the ground in frustration. He was the last person that she wanted to see in this moment. She hadn’t even thought about what she would say to him and she was in no mood for a confrontation right now.

“Are you feeling okay?” Chan asked as he walked closer to her. Lix felt herself tense up.

“No”

“Your members said you were sick”

“I’m not” Lix said shortly. Chan stopped a few feet away from her, looking completely lost.

“Han told me that you were mad at me” he said. He looked so sad and it pissed Lix off even more. What right did he have to be sad? “He told me a lot of things, most of which I can’t repeat, but that worried me the most. Are you mad?”

“Of course I’m mad, Chris” Lix yelled. It was the first time she had ever raised her voice to him and it shocked them both “You’ve been completely ignoring all of my messages for the past week; you barely acknowledge me whenever I try to talk to you, and now I found out you went on a date with the choreographer??”

“I’m sorry” Chan said in a rush “I didn’t mean to ignore you. It’s just been hard…”

“What’s been hard?”

“It’s always been hard to be around you, Lix” Chan whispered “But this past week has been even harder. I keep trying to ignore what I want, but I don’t know how to anymore”

“What do you want?” Lix asked, stepping forward and closing the gap between them slightly.

“Things I can’t want”

“Like what?”

“Lix…”

“Like what, Chris?”

A tense silence fell between them for a few seconds before Chan groaned and surged forward, kissing Lix with an intensity she hadn’t been expecting. She was taken back for a brief second before she grabbed the back of his head and kissed him back just as hard. It was her first kiss and maybe his first kiss too so it wasn’t perfect: just a harsh pressing of their lips, but it was everything that Lix had ever wanted.

She moved her head back slightly and Chan followed her lips with a desperate whine that sent shivers down her whole body. She pressed their lips together again and he ran his tongue across her lips until she opened them with a light moan. His tongue immediately entered her mouth as his hands slid down to her waist. She grabbed onto his curls with one hand as the other laced on top of his as he traced her hip bone with his thumb over and over.

And yes, Lix could think about how this was her soulmate—her fated partner, all that romantic crap that she normally loved. But in this moment all she really cared about what the fact that the hottest guy she had ever known was kissing her and it was the best feeling in the world.

They continued to deepen the kiss as Chan’s hand slid up, tracing over her ribs until it got to the swell of her breast under the cropped hoodie she was wearing. Lix bucked her hips against his on instinct, feeling that he was already half hard just from kissing her. It send a thrill down her spine.

That movement was enough to shock Chan back to reality and he immediately moved away from Lix, panting wildly and looking at her with huge eyes.

“I’m sorry” he breathed out, backing away as quick as he could.

Lix’s mind was still in another dimension “What?”

“I’m so sorry, Lixie” Chan muttered again. “I don’t know why…I couldn’t stop myself. Fuck, this is why I tried to stay away…”

“What are you talking about, Chris?” Lix asked. She also wanted to ask why he was even talking at all and not kissing her again but he seemed to be in the middle of some sort of panic attack.

“You told me that you were saving it” Chris said, closing his eyes “That you wanted it to be with someone special”

“I wanted it to be with my soulmate” Lix said, confused.

“I know, and I took away that special moment from you” Chan said sadly “I’m a monster for that, aren't I? I wanted you to have that beautiful, special moment because someone like you deserves all of that and more and I just ruined it”

Fuck. Was Chan about to go on a rant about how he didn’t deserve to have Lix as his soulmate or whatever his beautiful yet frustratingly insecure mind was always telling him? Was this going to be where he explained that he wasn’t going to be a good soulmate to her?

Well, Lix decided, she could beat him to the punch and tell him that he was exactly what she deserved and wanted.

“That moment was everything I dreamed of, Chris” she whispered. He stopped and stared at her. “From my eighteenth birthday it’s all I wanted”

This time it was Chan that looked confused “What?”

Lix sighed and started to take off her hoodie. If Chan didn’t want to bring it up then she would. She was tired of them dancing around each other and she needed to let him know that she wanted him as her soulmate. Loved having him as a soulmate, actually. Loved every single wonderful, brilliant, and aggravating thing about him.

She tossed the hoodie to the side and held her arm up for him to see “I waited for you. And no matter what’s going on in your head, the moment was still special to me"

Chan looked at her arm in wonder, fingers coming up to brush over his own name on her skin. His touch was tentative, delicate. It was a little amusing how gentle he was being after what they had just done but it wasn’t surprising at all. That was just Chan; overly careful and always so, so gentle with Lix. Even when his fingerprints were most likely bruised into her hip.

“It’s me” Chan said finally. His voice sounded choked.

“Of course it’s you, Chris” Lix said with a laugh “I knew it had to be you when that C showed up on my eighteenth birthday”

Chan continued to stare at his name, his own neat handwriting, as his face crumpled in misery. Lix immediately went into panic mode. This wasn’t the reaction she had been expecting. She had thought that maybe Chan had just been waiting for her to bring it up first, but now that she had he didn’t seem happy at all. Was Chan hoping she had someone else’s name on her? Had she read all the signs wrong? He was obviously attracted to her, but was that all he felt?

“I’m sorry” Chan whispered. He finally looked up at Lix and there were tears in his eyes.

“What…what are you sorry for?” Lix asked, trying to make her voice just as soft even though she thought she sounded a bit like a demon this way “Do you not want to be my soulmate?”

“Of course I want it” Chan said “I…Lix, you’re the only person I’ve ever wanted. But I was really hoping you had someone else’s name on you”

Lix felt her heart break. There it was. It couldn’t get any clearer than that. “Why?”

“Because I don’t have your name on me” Chan said, sounding so miserable.

Lix just stared at him. It felt like all the air in the room had disappeared. How could that be possible? Of course she had read all about the horror stories, people who were destined to be with someone who had another soulmate. But she had been so sure that couldn’t be her and Chan. Everything about them felt destined. She couldn’t think of anyone the word soulmate applied to more than them. They were two people who had grown up ten minutes away from each other, went to the same arcades and beaches when they were children and then finally met thousands of miles away as idols in the same company. They had the same taste in music, shared the same passions, were each other’s home away from home. How could they not be fated to be together? It didn’t make any sense at all.

“I stopped looking at my soulmark after I got the first three letters” Chan said. His voice sounded thick. “I didn’t know anyone who’s name started like that and I was too busy with everything else going on anyway. My main priority back then was forming Stray Kids and making sure we all debuted together. I thought my soulmate would just come when they did and I didn’t want to distract myself thinking about someone I didn’t even know yet. Then I met you at that JYP get together right before our survival show…”

“You felt it that day too?” Lix asked, eyes wide. That night was so engrained in her memories but she never thought it would be the same for Chan. She had felt so unmemorable and self conscious back then and figured Chan wouldn’t have remembered much from their first meeting, especially since that was the day JYP told him he was going to debut.

“I never felt more connected to anyone before in my life” Chan said with a sad little chuckle. “That first time I saw you, with your reddish brown hair and all those freckles…Lix, I felt like I was coming back home. It was the first time since I was 13 that I didn’t miss Australia at all.”

Lix’s breath came out in a stutter. So they had both felt the same way. How could they not be soulmates?

“It wasn’t your name on me, so I tried not to make a big deal out of it” Chan continued “But I couldn’t help it. Every time you came to work with me in the studio or when we texted…hell, even just seeing you walk down the hallway or listening to your voice made me ache, Lix. I still have a hard time watching any of Trinity’s MVs, you know, because it’s just really hard seeing you and knowing that I can’t have you in the way I want”

“Is that why you went on a date with the choreographer?” Lix asked quietly.

“I thought she might be my soulmate” Chan answered, sounding so sad it made her ache “But it can't be her. I didn’t feel any connection with her at all, not like I do with you.”

That made Lix pause for a second. Chan thought that Felicity was his soulmate? He said he had only seen the first three letters of his soulmark before he covered it up so that meant that it had to be Fel which also meant that…

“Can I see your soulmark?”

Chan looked at her, stricken “What? Why would you want to see that?”

“I want to see the name that’s written on my soulmate” Lix said, feeling antsy.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

“Please, Chris. If I have your name on me forever, I deserve to see the name that’s on you too.”

Chan sighed and he closed his eyes as he took the sweatband off his left wrist: the one he always covered with chunky bracelets or bands or his wrist brace.

And there in messy scratchy handwriting that Lix was suddenly pretty embarrassed about were three words:

Felicia Yongbok Lee

“You stupid cunt!” Lix cried, half yelling and half laughing.

Chan had thrown himself into some sort of weird existential crisis—thrown Lix into the same crisis—just because he didn’t know what her legal name was. He did know what her Korean name was, though, so if he had bothered to look at his mark after he had gotten those first three letters, he would have known.

Chan looked at her in shock “Are you yelling at my soulmate or…”

“No, I’m yelling at you, you absolute nong. How come you’ve never looked at your soulmark again?”

“Because I didn’t want to be disappointed!” Chan cried “And it was unfair to you and whoever she is. She doesn’t deserve to have a soulmate who’s in love with someone else”

In love

Chris was in love with her. Of course he was. They were fated.

“I think she deserves everything you want to give her” Lix said. Chan stared at her, confused. “Look at your mark, Chris”

Chan immediately looked at his wrist and froze as he read over the name again and again. His other hand came up to trace the letters.

“I…you…your name is Felicia?”

“It’s my legal name” Lix said, laughing at the absurdity of this whole thing “I haven’t gone by it in years so I never mentioned it to anyone here”

“You should have” Chan said. His voice sounded high and giddy “Could have saved me years of heartbreak”

“Or you could have just looked at your soulmark earlier and seen my Korean name there” Lix pointed out.

“Since you’re half of my soul maybe you can take half of the blame for this one” Chan said. Lix blushed from her head down to her toes.

“You can’t just say things like that!”

“Are you going to stop me?”

Lix grinned and she leaned forward and brought their lips together again “Never”

They laced their fingers together and she glanced down, seeing the Felicia Yongbok Lee on his wrist brush up against the Christopher Chan Bang on her arm.

Soulmates. It couldn’t get any better than that.