Chapter Text
Thursday September 1st 1977
Today was a good day for Regulus. It was the first day of the school year, meaning he could stop pretending to idolize things he hated and be himself (at least until December). Boarding the Hogwarts Express after kissing his mother goodbye immediately relieved him of about 60 pounds of stress.
He was the first of his group of friends in, so he chose the best cabin and waited patiently for the others to arrive. Although he would never admit it, he missed them during the summer at his ancestral home.
To pass the time, he opened a book on potion-making. He had bought it in the hope that it would help him out a bit. Potions had nearly been the death of him. He had barely passed the previous year, which had led to one hell of a summer. He couldn’t afford to go through that again. Just thinking about the consequences of failure made him wince, mainly because this year he’d have to take his O.W.L. potion exam in June. Not only would it be bad at home, but also for his future career, whatever that would be.
Despite his brother leaving their home two years ago during the summer, Regulus’ mother, Walburga, still seemed to favor her eldest son. She would never admit it out loud, of course, but something in the way she would say, "Even Sirius had better grades!" or "You look like your brother, that makes me sick," told him she actually missed him in her own twisted way.
Funny how the tables had turned since Sirius had left. When both Sirius and Regulus still lived under the same roof, their parents often compared them to each other, creating competition between the two. But it generally worked in Regulus’ favor. Comments like, "Come on, don’t be a baby, even your little brother didn’t cry!" or "Regulus learned it much faster than you, Sirius," constantly pitted them against each other.
Regulus couldn’t say he and his brother had a good relationship, but he couldn’t say they had any relationship at all, either. Two years apart, two different houses, and two very different lives. Now they merely exchanged polite conversation and useless banters here and there.
It always felt strange to Regulus how everything changed so suddenly, but he understood why Sirius probably didn’t want anything to do with him anymore. Out of the two of them, Sirius resembled their father the most, while Regulus looked more like their mother and Merlin knew their mother was the worst. She was a constant reminder of the miserable days they spent at Grimmauld Place. He too would not speak to himself if he ever managed to escape that place.
Leaving crossed his mind often, but the thought was too terrifying to entertain. All he had ever known was this life, and he wasn’t like his brother. He wasn’t courageous or brave like a Gryffindor. He just had enough self-preservation to survive.
The first of his friends to join him was unsurprisingly Barty. The one thing they had in common was their complicated family situations. Regulus supposed Barty had kissed his parents goodbye quickly to escape his father’s bad temper. Luckily, Barty had Evan to escape whenever things got too overwhelming with his father. Evan had told Regulus many times that he was welcome to visit whenever he needed a break, but Regulus found comfort in his routine, for better or worse. He also doubted his parents would allow him a vacation away, not after one of their two sons had already escaped their grasp.
"Hey, Reggie! My man! Did you miss me as much as I missed you?" Barty’s arm slung around Regulus’ shoulders, and the leather seat beside him creaked slightly under the added weight. Regulus wasn’t the type to show much emotion through physical touch, but Barty was. For his friends, he'd make an exception. The warmth wasn’t unwelcome either. It was a comforting reminder, a confirmation that, for a little while at least, he was free to live as he pleased, free from the suffocating grip of his family and loved by his found family.
"Come on, Ice Prince, hug me back! I know you want to!" Barty teased with a grin that spread across his face like wildfire.
"Don’t call me that," Regulus muttered, but didn’t push his friend away. Instead, he just rolled his eyes and leaned back, letting Barty do what he did best; make him uncomfortable in the most endearing way possible.
"I saw Ev outside with his sister," Barty said casually, his tone shifting to something more inquisitive. "What were you reading?" Without waiting for an answer, Barty snatched the book from Regulus’ hands and flipped it open. "Ew, Reggie! Why are you studying already? We haven’t even had our first class yet! Get something more fun instead. Even your weird Muggle literature looks more entertaining.".
"First of all," Regulus said, rolling his eyes with a theatrical flair, "I never asked for your opinion. Also, I need good grades in Potions this year, or else I’m a dead man."
"Nah, you’re the only heir. They can’t afford to Avada Kedavra you," Barty said with a smirk, clearly amused by his own joke.
"Perhaps," Regulus said, his voice laced with sarcasm, "but they can certainly make my life bloody difficult."
"Would that be any different than usual?" Barty quipped.
"Maybe, maybe not. I don’t want to find out," Regulus replied, shrugging.
"Fair enough. You may continue then." Barty leaned back in his seat, his eyes scanning the cabin as though it held the answers to all his questions.
"It’s fine, I’ll keep reading later," Regulus muttered, flicking through the pages with an absent-minded gesture. "How was your summer?"
"I thought you would never ask!" Barty’s eyes lit up instantly, the enthusiasm in his voice impossible to miss. "Ev, Pandora, and I, we went to this place during the summer. What was it called already…?"
"Doesn’t matter," Regulus interrupted, amused by his friend's inability to remember anything for longer than a few seconds.
"Right," Barty continued, not at all put off. "Well, it had all kinds of fun attractions! We played those rigged carnival games, and I was literally so good at them. I got Ev a giant bear plushie with all my wins. It’s almost his size! I hope he brought it so I can show you."
"Brought what?" Evan’s voice interrupted the conversation as he appeared in the cabin door, as if he had been summoned by the mention of his name. He slipped into the seat across from them, offering a casual wave to his sister as she disappeared to join her own group of friends further down the train.
"The stuffed animal," Barty clarified, grinning widely.
"Oh, yeah, I had to use an extension charm on my luggage, but it finally fit. You can borrow it if you want, Reg," Evan said with a teasing glint in his eye. "It’s seriously amazing to sleep with. Feels like you’re being hugged by a big bear."
"And Ev won’t need it since he’s got another big thing to cuddle now anyway," Barty said with a wink in Evan’s direction. The two had been flirting relentlessly since their very first encounter. Regulus wasn’t just suspicious of their growing attraction. He knew. He had seen it for what it was, even when they were just exchanging subtle looks or murmuring in the corners of the room.
At first, it felt strange to Regulus. The idea of his friends becoming something more for each other, especially when they were both male and their families would never approve of such a relationship. It had been something of a challenge to wrap his head around. But in the end, they were his friends, and if they were happy, that was all that mattered. He’d cover up a murder for them if they asked. Gender and preferences were nothing compared to the bond they shared.
Regulus had questioned his own sexuality a few times since his first year. It was still a bit of a murky alley in his mind but he did have some crushes on both genders here and there. His most embarrassing one had been on his brother’s best friend, James Potter, but that had definitely died since Sirius moved out. Regulus wasn't often invited to hang out with his brother's friends anymore, which made it hard to hold onto those feelings. Although they did pop up again here and there through the years. He and Evan had a fling for a short time. Enough for Evan to be Regulus’ first kiss, but it was clear Evan’s heart wasn’t his, and Regulus couldn’t say his heart belonged to Evan either.
The only thing he could gather about his preferences since his first year at Hogwarts was that he had a thing for blondes and glasses. His crush after Evan? His sister, of course. His crush after Potter? A redheaded Gryffindor with a defective eyesight.
The cabin grew quieter as the conversation shifted to lighter topics. Barty was still grinning like a Cheshire cat, and Evan was fiddling with a charm on his wrist, a look of mild concentration on his face. Regulus let his mind wander for a moment, the gentle hum of the train almost soothing. The soft clatter of the tracks beneath them was comforting, like everything was in its place, at least for now.
"So," Barty said, his tone light, "What do we think the first class will be? Transfiguration? Defense? Potions?"
"Please, no more Potions," Regulus muttered, still thinking about the long, grueling year ahead.
"Potions isn’t that bad," Evan interjected, looking up from his wrist. "I think it’s all about finding the right rhythm. Besides, you’ll have us to keep you from stressing out."
Regulus raised an eyebrow at him.
"Since when are you an expert in stress reduction?"
"More like stress multiplication," Barty chimed in with a laugh. "But we make it work."
Regulus rolled his eyes but didn’t respond. Instead, he leaned back in his seat, staring out the window. The scenery was a blur of green and brown, the Hogwarts Express cutting through the countryside on its way to the castle. It was comforting to know they still had two more years after this one, that the end of Hogwarts wasn’t imminent. For a moment, it felt like the days ahead stretched forever.
"Almost there," Evan said, glancing at the clock above the door. He stretched, the familiar crack of his back echoing through the small cabin. Barty, ever the restless one, had already started bouncing his leg in anticipation.
"We should make a grand entrance. Intimidate the first years a bit. They get the whole boat ride and the sorting ceremony drama . Us? We just get to walk in. Boriiiiing!"
"You know," Regulus said, his voice quieter than usual, "Sometimes I wish I could still be one of them. It must be exciting, starting all over again."
Barty gave him a skeptical look.
"You’re not serious. The sorting ceremony? That’s the worst. Everyone is staring at you, judging you before you even say a word."
Regulus gave a dry laugh.
"Yeah, I remember that."
There was a brief pause, the air thick with unspoken thoughts. Then Barty broke the silence, his usual grin reappearing.
"Well, whatever happens, we’ve got this. We’ll make this year unforgettable—"
"—or at least make sure no one forgets about us," Evan finished with a smirk, looking out the window as the towering shape of Hogwarts came into view on the horizon.
"Exactly," Barty said, sending finger guns in Evan’s direction. "It will be much easier to get away with our pranks on the Gryffindors this year. We’ll have a prefect on our side!"
"We don’t know that yet." Regulus answered.
"Oh, but I know! There’s no way you aren’t chosen to be."
"Alright, time to get moving," Regulus said, pushing himself up from his seat, a final, reluctant glance at the book still lying forgotten in the corner of the cabin. The train slowed, and the familiar sound of the wheels grinding to a halt filled the air.
The doors to the cabin slid open, and a rush of students spilled into the aisle, eager to exit the train. Regulus felt his heart give an uncomfortable lurch. The feeling of being swept along with the crowd was always a little overwhelming, but he had learned to deal with it over the years.
Barty slapped him on the back as they made their way down the aisle. "Let’s make this year count, Reggie. No more pretending to be someone you’re not."
Regulus nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The familiar churning of anticipation mixed with dread filled his chest. This year was going to be challenging. O.W.L.s were looming, but it would also be a year to define who he was, to stop hiding behind expectations. And maybe, just maybe, he’d find out who he wants to become.
Barty and Evan were already moving toward the carriage, but Regulus lingered for a moment longer. He wasn’t entirely sure what he was waiting for, but he knew something about this year would change everything and that deserved a moment to breathe.
After a moment more to himself, he felt ready to face this year. His friends had stopped and waited on the side a few steps ahead. He joined them and stayed close from there on, ready to face whatever this year had in store for him.