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Snape stood before the class in a muscle tank that read Swolytherin and neon gym compression shorts. His usually greasy hair was pulled back with a sweatband, and worst of all, Sirius stood beside him, casually sipping a protein shake in matching shorts.
"Why have I returned from an intense bulking session in the Forbidden Forest only to discover I've been replaced as Potions Master? I was gone for one sabbatical to focus on my gains, and this is how I'm repaid?"
"Heya Harry. Yeah, me and Sev have been spotting each other for years." Sirius said, slinging an arm around Snape’s toned shoulders.
Harry Potter the Boy who Detected made a strangled noise, his brain short-circuiting, and promptly fainted.
The end.