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I leave Violet's room with a blank mind. No. More like a whirlwind of emotions. Relief, betrayal, hope, more betrayal, disappointment, betrayal.
My siblings don't trust me.
Violet doesn't trust me.
I walk down the stairs to the exit and leave. No guard crosses my path. They have the wisdom to step aside as soon as they see me and walk away. Good for them.
My thoughts dig like hot daggers into my chest,
Increasing the rage and pain from the recent revelation, while the cold outside chills my bones as soon as I step outside.
Xaden is a Venin.
I could have expected it from anyone but him.
They killed all his people because of them, and he became one of them.
He promised to look after my sister, and now he's their greatest danger. How ironic.
And my sister... she had to know everything. As always. And she didn't tell me...
And she chose to defend him when I...would have killed him for her. To keep her safe. To keep the entire continent safe.
We're losing the war. We're going to lose it to him, to the enemy. With Violet clinging to him.
I can recognize that he's strong. But now, with power stolen from the earth. He'll be unstoppable.
Against all of us.
And my sister...oh gods, they'll hunt her down when this gets out.... Because it won't be long. I feel it in the core of my bones.
Doesn't she realize she must leave him forever, that she needs me? Doesn't she realize that I... need her to need me? This thought of a mesmerizing thought.
All my life, all I've wanted was to help her and defend her when she wasn't capable.
Perhaps it's time for her to fight her battles alone.
Alone, like I've always been.
Alone.
Another concept that resonates in my bones.
My footsteps crunching the sand is the only thing that resonates on the path.
I don't recognize the vibration in my chin when it suddenly arises, nor does the small tear escape me.
I feel alone.
Like I've never felt before.
A loneliness that takes my heart and squeezes it in ways I didn't think I could feel.
That tears down my walls and my shields like dust blown by the wind.
I stop on the cold, lonely path as I use my fingers to pick at the moisture running down my cheek and look at her, puzzled. I can't remember how long it's been since I last cried.
Tears don't solve anything, I tell myself. And yet, another one escapes.
-You have me forever, my little beast.
A pang of guilt joins the other aches in my chest as my dragon tries to comfort me by sending love and pride through our bond.
Teine is still resting and recovering in the valley. I've asked her not to come, but even so, I want to get away from this house, from my brothers, from everything. To go anywhere, wherever my feet take me.
I try to quicken my pace when I finally enter the lonely path that leads up the wooded hill toward the airfield, but my body won't cooperate.
Every step I take as I delve deeper into the thick undergrowth that lines the path feels like my strength is leaving me, like a toy with its windup gone. I have nothing left.
For what reason or motive would I fight now if I have nothing left…?
I don't have a home to defend. I've never had one. Always wandering between one outpost and another.
I lost my parents.
My father, who left everything to Violet as if she were the only child in existence.
I'm not jealous. I love Violet unconditionally, too.
But what about me? Did my father really love me?
Those thoughts eat away at me.
And I feel them reflected in the growing power of my skin.
And my mother, who could never hide her feelings from me, the ones she hid so well from everyone else. She trusted me and pushed me to be the best I could be. For myself and to take care of Violet. To be better than her and her storms, her… who also sacrificed herself for Violet. She was my compass and my north. And she's no more.
And now I'm losing my brothers. My sister, actually. I've never fully forgiven Brenn. He was my best friend, and he abandoned me. He abandoned us when we needed him most. I never fully got him back.
He was a coward. He still is.
At least Violet isn't. She's just weakened by the loss of her dragon and foolishly blinded by love…
A love that will lead us to ruin if we don't find a solution soon…
Maybe if I'd ever had what Xaden and Vi have between them, I'd have something to live for.
But no. I don't have any of that either.
For once, loneliness begs me to escape, and I have nowhere to go. And I suffocate in a crushing feeling of loneliness. And for more than a second, I contemplate the possibility that perhaps they should have left me to bleed out there on the battlefield…
That was less painful than what I feel right now.
A pain so deep it seeps into every cell in me, and I fall to my knees. Defeated.
Defeated by loneliness and the pain of the profound betrayal of my own blood.
My hands also fall to the ground.
They clench into fists that pound the gravel of the path. Once. Again. And again.
I ignore the blood on my knuckles and the grinding of my teeth.
I ignore the deep gasp that escapes me when I finally allow myself to… cry.
Tears run down the side of my nose and drip from the tip, falling thickly to the ground. One after another.
I don't care.
Nothing matters anymore.
Only the anger exploding from me with every punch I throw at the ground.
Damn! Why!!!!
Small wisps of dust rise as I raise my fist, only to bring it down again and again.
I hate all of this.
I hate where we've come, only to glimpse impending defeat on the horizon.
I hate knowing I've given everything, only to gain... nothing.
My hands have become covered in a shell of dirt and blood.
I don't know how much time has passed.
I don't care.
Maybe after hitting the ground so many times, it no longer wants to surrender its rotten power to the dark beings.
I stop before hitting the ground again. My knuckles drip uninterruptedly, darkening the beaten floor.
A soft orange tail wraps around me and brushes against my thigh, calling for my attention. Seeking my caresses.
Broccoli.
That damn cat.
I stop and look at it, puzzled by its presence, so far from its home.
While the tiny creature darts back and forth, rubbing against my legs to be picked up.
I can't lift my head to check if its annoying owner is behind me.
I don't care.
Nothing matters anymore.
It looks at me with those tender little eyes, and I break down. I can't stand it.
Even this tiny animal has someone to care for it.
And I... And... I...
I take the tiny creature in my broken hands and lift it up to cuddle it under my neck. Where I curl up with him and break. The tears burst from me as if I were the tiny creature.
I struggle to close my eyes tightly to prevent more tears from escaping, but I lose too.
And I cry.
I cry for everyone I've lost.
For everything I've fought for.
For everything I've avoided for the sake of others.
And I cry... for myself.
There's no one who cares if I fall anymore.
No one who sees my defeat.
I've lost.
Everything.
Heartbreak and loneliness flood through me, devouring any other hint of feelings, good or bad.
I am sadness and loneliness personified.
Nailed to the ground. Held in place by my sobs that echo in the forest around me, silencing all bird song and insect buzzing. Silencing every breeze and rustling of leaves. And the cautious footsteps that approach me cautiously.
I'm barely aware of the man kneeling beside me. And yet I'm fully aware of him.
I barely recognize the touch of his strong, calloused hands gently encircling my arms, afraid of frightening the wretched animal as he envelops me with his own warmth.
I'm barely aware of the soft kiss he places on the top of my head before pulling me towards him and cradling me silently against his chest, where his heart beats strongly near my ear, enveloping me like the armor and shield I didn't know I needed at this moment, radiating his peace. How he respects my cries with his understanding silence and strokes my back, delivering some kind of unattainable comfort, enveloping me in a gentle fire filled with the scent of forest and honey, becoming the oak tree I cling to.
I'm barely conscious when he lifts my bloody hands and brings them to his chest, where he holds them protected and hidden.
Almost unaware of how long I've been crying in his arms, or how he gently slips his arms under my legs and lifts me, leading me away from the path into the woods to give me more privacy.
Almost unaware of the stream that opens before us, narrow and silent, moving gently over small, multicolored pebbles, or of the tiny daisies and wildflowers that cover the ground like a soft carpet where he reverently lets us fall, holding me wrapped once more in his arms. Cuddled with my face against his chest, barely soothed by the rhythm of his breathing. His respectful silence. His body heat. His hands gently running down my back.
His mouth tracing a soft path of delicate kisses on the top of my head, on my forehead. On my cheeks. Over each of my abundant, endless tears.
A glimmer of consciousness, noticing the path of his hand ascending to my jaw, and his soft, slow caresses with his rough thumb, giving me without asking for anything in exchange for what no one else has given me.
My sobs still haven't stopped.
He doesn't demand it either. He just stays there.
With me.
For me.
His caresses don't stop. They calm me.
His caresses don't stop. They anchor me to the ground. To him.
My hands cling to his shirt and to his little cat, already asleep between our bodies.
His lips don't leave my face. They kiss me reverently, with the softness and elegance of a tiger in the grass avoiding the sight of its prey, collecting the last tears at the corner of my lips.
I don't move away.
I can't. I no longer have the strength to fight.
Nor do I want to move away.
It's funny how a wounded animal attracts its predator.
And how sadness attracts consolation.
And how absolute solitude attracts company. Company I hadn't dreamed of, and yet... I longed for deep within me.
His warm lips fall again on the corner of my mouth, and his breath of mint, tobacco, and honey brushes my skin. It lingers there.
My eyes close. My body shudders at the sensation.
It's...pleasant.
My damp eyelashes brush the skin of his face, tanned and weathered by years of struggle, partly returning his care like the fluttering of tiny butterflies.
A heavy, melancholy sigh escapes me.
A wave of feeling I've never felt before overwhelms me.
—Relax, Mira.
You're safe. I'll take care of you.
His low, vibrant voice murmurs near my ear and unleashes things inside me that I can't suppress. New tears run down my skin. This time silently.
It ignites and soothes my being like nothing has before.
This time my head nods and agrees with his words, betraying the little pride I have left.
He stays there, with me. Giving me everything I expected from others but him. Security. Space. Comfort…
Love…
Love. That word that resonates inside me like the echo of swords, shattering my beliefs and needs. Always unattainable. Always destined for others but me. And now it comes to me without me even asking for it. Wrapping me in its strong arms. Patching up every unfathomable void left by so many in my battered heart.
Bringing light to my absolute darkness. Air to my lungs.
Slowly bringing me back to reality.
A beautiful golden-feathered griffin flies over us, its soft, sinuous wingbeats barely breaking the silence, guarding our perimeter. Its calmness as it flies is reflected in the man who envelops me, who pierces it with his mere presence. Tying me even more to the ground. And for the first time, making me need to be tied to someone. To him.
Finally, after endless and at the same time tiny moments, I regain some courage to open my eyes and look him in the eye. I can't stand someone seeing me as weak, and yet, I know I owe it to him.
I take a few deep breaths and struggle to get the words out of my mouth, while his beautiful brown eyes capture me. They don't judge me. They don't pressure me. They just watch me. Waiting. Giving me the space I need. Settling into my own place.
—Thank you, Cordella.
My voice is raspy in my ears.
—Don't thank me. He whispers softly as he presents a handkerchief to my eyes.
I take it without taking my stunned gaze from his and use it, ignoring that I'm still in his arms. Ignoring the slight blush that's forming on my cheeks.
—I thought you only knew how to kill venins.
— can also rescue damsels in distress and rude lieutenants. Only a lieutenant, by the way.
The frankness in his words surprises me. Not that he's a gentleman, but the certainty and confidence with which he says them.
It hasn't escaped me to notice that I've observed him in meetings and war coordination sessions. He is wise and fierce. Prudent and observant like few others. A brilliant and sharp strategist. And possessed of an infinite and utterly irritable kindness that normally prompts me to throw daggers at him, but which today is received like water in the desert.
His gaze remains fixed on mine, unfathomable, deep, and transparent.
Beautiful. Captivating and overwhelming. And above all, serene.
And I absorb it and remain within it, thirsty for its serenity to fill my empty soul.
I approach like a moth drawn to a flame. And he approaches me. Drawn like forces of nature. By an invisible bond that crystallizes between us like a diamond, strong and invincible over time. A bond that envelops the pieces of my heart and reunites it into a single piece. Harder. Firmer. More filled with something unknown and warm, settling in its center and taking strong roots with every breath stolen from one another, with every inch shortened.
—You know, you really would be the perfect man... Captain, but...
—"I am your perfect man. You know that." —He interrupts me.—"I know what you need, Mira. I know what you like and what you don't. I know what hurts you right now. What has hurt you. Because we've both been fighting this war for so long. We've both lost loved ones, and we're still here. Standing.
I know which pie is your favorite, there just aren't enough blueberries to prove it to you.
Believe me when I tell you I know everything about you. Because I can't take my eyes off you for a minute when you're around. Not here, not in battle.
You're like a magnet to my heart. The rock that draws the tide.
—Do you cook too? Surprised by his statement makes me wonder how you're doing. A wry smile escapes me like a slight snort.
—Of course... beautiful warrior. I am everything you need right now. I am everything you could ever need in the future.
I am yours.
You have trapped me and enchanted me in ways you cannot imagine, Sorrengail.
I saw you fight at Streatmore, like the fearless warrior goddess.
I saw you defend your brothers on Cordyn.
I saw you on that island.
Gods. I almost died when I learned you were caught...and I was desperate to reach you...and I almost lost you, Mira. And no, I can't. Right now, I can't even stop the words, because I won't waste another second away from you.
If you allow me.
His last words are whispered close to my skin.
Sowing fire with every touch of his breath. Asking my permission for whatever is being born at this very moment.
—"Let me watch over you. Be your shield and your sword this time." Take care of you like no one else will.
You know me as a warrior and you know how fierce I can be in battle.
I don't want any more wars against you. I want to fight with you, by your side, forever.
His words take my breath away.
I don't know what to say in reply. For once, he's left me speechless. Stunned by his complete and firm confession and by everything I've experienced in the last few hours that overwhelms and overwhelms me.
—"I can't, Captain. I don't..."
—"Drake." Call me Drake, Mira. Please. To you, I'm Drake. I'll always be Drake."
I look at him, still lost in the well of his beautiful eyes. Trying unsuccessfully to comprehend each of his words.
I'm no longer fighting. I have no strength. He has stolen my words like no one ever has. I'm only capable of one.
—"Drake..."
His name whispered against my lips sounds sweet like salvation. Like a prayer raised to the gods. Like a caress on my palate.
A small smile appears on his mouth and my gaze lingers on it, as if the sun had risen again just for me, contemplating his full lips that once again call me by name: Look.
His gaze moves back and forth from my eyes to my lips, asking permission to come closer.
My eyes respond for me. A yes.
Gently, he cradles me in his arms and closes the distance until his lips rest on mine, slowly. Soft. Sweet. Making all the bitterness of the last few hours disappear, like a balm that lulls me to sleep and makes me forget everything around me. Everything except him.
Drake.
My Drake.