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"Uh Draco, I don't think we're in the UK anymore…" Harry and Draco stood, dripping and shivering near a lake.
"Don't be ridiculous Potter, where else could we be? I did a perfect job." Draco attempted to nonchalantly brush off his newly-ripped leather pants, but shivered so much he mostly just hit his legs.
"I'm pretty sure air is usually considered it's own element, and even though there's water in it, there isn't ice in the air."
"And yet I commanded the air and brought us here! I'm a natural, and Radion is going to be very impressed with me."
Harry rolled his eyes, "Sure sure Malfoy, now could you use your natural talent to figure out exactly where we are?"
"I can't do anything like this," Draco huffed, holding his hands out, "Warm me."
Harry smirked and conjured a small fire in his hands to warm both Draco and himself with.
"Make sure you don't singe me." Draco complained.
"My shirt is the only one I burnt, I'd never burn you. You'd complain too much."
The elementals spent a few minutes warming themselves after their long hurricane-like journey.
"Alright Draco, let's figure out where we are."
"I already told you, we're near Thantos and- uh Harry? Are you ok?"
Harry had frozen in the street, staring. "Draco, is that…" Harry pointed at a dark-haired man walking on the street.
Severus returned home from his grocery shopping, striding through the door. He lazily put them away, letting his thoughts wander. It had been quite some time since his supposed wedding, which of course he didn't show up to. He glanced at the article recounting the occasion, which he'd framed and hung in his dining room.
Former Hero and Disgraced Author Stood Up At Wedding
Under the headline was a sobbing Lockhart in a very well fitting suit. Whenever he looked at it, he felt a twinge of… some kind of emotion. But whatever emotion it was, it wasn't important.
Another article had Lockhart running away from a horde of fans. Severus knew exactly what kind of emotion he felt when looking at the man's shapely ass. It was truly a tragedy to the world that such a sexy body was attached to such a moron.
Fortunately, Snape could feel such emotions in the privacy of his own mind. There was simply no way that beautiful sexy idiot would find him here.
Of course, he previously thought that there was no way anyone would let him into Hogwarts again, but this was different. No-one from Hogwarts knew he was here.
Severus retired to his reading room, and picked up Dangers with Dragons, which featured a younger Gilderoy with a torn shirt and pointing his wand at a Hungarian Horntail. He'd read this book many times in the past year, to laugh at Lockhart's failure.
A few minutes in, he was interrupted by a knocking at the door.
Naturally, Severus didn't answer it, and returned to his reading.
Again, he was interrupted by a more insistent knock.
Again, Severus ignored it.
On the third knock, Snape huffed. He considered silencing the door, but he did need to know if anyone from Hogwarts found out he was here.
Reluncantly he went to his front door and peeked outside using his magical home security system. Knocking at his door was Harry Potter in a slightly burnt shirt which was the same colour as his eyes and a shirtless Draco Malfoy.
He flung open the door. "Potter? Malfoy? What on earth are you two doing here? How did you find me here?"
"We've been trying to get to Thantos ever since we finally escaped from Patrick in September. Did you transfer to Thantos?" Draco enquired.
"No," Snape drawled, "I believe Thantos is in Northern England, not Brazil."
"Brazil?!" Draco exclaimed, "Surely we aren't in Brazil! No, I insist that this is Northern England, and Thantos is just around the corner!" Draco stamped his foot indignantly.
Harry put his arm around Draco's bare shoulders, rubbing them comfortingly while he replied to Snape. "We've been quite lost and had quite the journey to get here. You see, after we discovered we were elementals on my birthday, we-"
"Potter I do not care. Get out of my sight."
"But sir!" Harry exclaimed.
"But sir, you can't leave us here, we need to get to Thantos. If you don't help us, then my father will, he'll ruin your house!"
"Why can't your father take you there." Snape asked drily.
Draco sputtered, "Well, he, he's very busy, but he would! He just-"
"We haven't been able to find him. Please sir, we'll leave you alone if you help us."
"Fine. There's an underground floo network nearby. I will take you, and you won't tell anyone that you saw me here. No-one can know I'm here. Am I understood?"
"Yes sir," they replied in unison.
Snape paced a little in front of the boys, who struggled to keep up.
"That's the lake we arrived at," Harry pointed out.
"And we're never going to see it again."
"But your magic brought us here! Maybe it's important, or powerful, or-"
Harry was cut off by a rumble from the lake.
Snape turned around, "Potter, what did you do."
"I didn't do anything!" The water trembled, ripples getting bigger and bigger.
The trio stood frozen, eager and terrified of what could come out.
A giant creature, smooth and long, erupted from the lake. A squid! And not just any squid, but the Hogwarts Giant Squid!
"STAY AWAY FROM MYYYYYY SEVVVYYYYY" screamed a voice from the lake. Harry and Draco glanced at each other, wondering Could the squid talk? And what was it talking about?
But Severus paled. He could not break from his stupor, staring transfixed at the squid. As the squid swam towards them, he could see the figure riding it. The golden locks were unmistakable.
The squid approached the shore, and Lockhart yelled "Sevvy, I'm coming to save you!!!" He jumped off the squid and pointed his wand at the two teenagers, "Unhand my beloved immediately, or I will make you as miserable as I have been waiting for him!"
Harry put up his hands in submission, and kicked Draco indicating for him to do the same. Lockhart squinted at them until he was satisfied they wouldn't do any sneaky businesses, then ran to embrace Snape.
"Oh Sevvy I've been so worried about you! Ever since you missed our wedding I knew something terrible had happened to you, did those terrible boys do anything to hurt you? Oh I'll make sure they never see daylight again if they so much as touched a hair on your head-"
"I'm fine. Now go away."
"Sevvy I've missed you so much! I left Silverann with Dumbledore so I could come rescue you, and here you are with your perfect voice and sexy mouth, and now you're safe we can have our wedding!"
Snape wanted to reply telling the stupid sexy blond that he missed the wedding on purpose, he'd specifically moved out here of his own free will specifically to never see him ever again, and there was no way they would ever get married.
Instead he looked the blond up and down. He was wearing a paisely patterened waistcoat over a lavender shirt that was only halfway buttoned up. His tight black pants showed off his well-shaped legs.
Lockhart smirked at Severus' gaze, "So you are happy to see me!"
"Am not." Severus murmured with no conviction at all.
Draco opened his mouth, but Harry quickly covered it. "Don't get involved in this bullshit." Harry hissed.
Gilderoy winked at Snape. "It's been so long, let's have a lover's reunion to celebrate your rescue."
Snape sighed. "Only once. I will never talk to you again after today."
"Oh our wedding will be so romantic, we'll have the biggest cake-"
"Shut. Up."
Gilderoy truly looked at Severus' eyes, and for the first time in a long time, actually stopped talking. While Snape would say Lockhart could only have seen anger, that wouldn't have been enough to shut up the blond and make him blush.
Harry and Draco watched incredulously as the world's most unlikely couple walked away to Snape's house. Harry glanced back to lake, where the squid was waiting.
"Hey Draco, how did the squid get here?"
"And how would I possibly know that?"
"You're the one insisting you know everything about the water! But that definitely is the giant squid from Hogwarts."
"If the squid came from Hogwarts, he'll probably go back there," Draco paused in thought, "I have an idea, let's catch a ride on the squid and tell Dumbledore to take us to Thantos."
Draco dashed to squid to mount it before it could swim away without them. Harry rolled his eyes before he got on behind and gripped Draco tightly. Draco took a deep breath, cast a Bubble-Head charm, and tapped the squid.
The squid plunged underwater and swam faster than either of them thought squids could swim. Maybe this time, they could finally get to school.