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Most of the time, life was already hard enough as it is. For Bokuto Koutarou to be in love with his unconditional best friend, his cosmic twin, his brother from another mother…it was even rougher than the customary struggles of life.
Indeed, Bokuto would always remember the moment when Kuroo burst into his—relatively dull—existence. The fatidic meeting happened during the volleyball training camp, the summer of his first year of high school. At the time, he was known as the agitated kid, who talked too loudly and didn’t know his own limits. He was everyone’s comic relief, someone his teammates could go chatter to when they wanted to laugh things off. However, Bokuto had always wanted to create deeper relationships in which he could truly be himself. He had made plenty of acquaintances, but no one was willing to support him through his ups as well as his downs. He listened to others, but no one ever returned the favor.
In reality, the teen was emotionally unstable. His good moods were all-consuming whilst his bad moods revealed themselves to be exceptionally devastating. Since he didn’t have authentic friends to confess too, he normally cried alone in the bathroom when that happened. He only came out when he felt like he would be able to fake a smile without bursting in tears once more. After all, that is what people expected from him: to be a high-spirited and rhapsodic person. No one cared about his worst days; they basically wanted him to relieve their own sadness.
That is, until he met Kuroo, a tall black-haired middle blocker from a rival team named Nekoma. He gave off the impression of being in control of himself. He was down-to-heart and constantly there to support his teammates, but he also was, undeniably, a troublemaker. Later on, Bokuto would learn that that self-regulating façade only hid plenty of insecurities. Kuroo’s life goal was to get into a prestigious school, and the dark circles under his eyes were cautiously dissimulated by roguish smirks.
As soon as they first talked, they instantaneously clicked. It felt like meeting an old friend after years of being apart. It felt safe and natural; as if they had known each other all their lives. Their personalities fit together perfectly. They knew how to have fun and spent the majority of their time goofing around, but they also knew when to stop and simply have a discussion. Bokuto reminded his lengthy talks with Kuroo. They discussed various topics, going from their worst fears to the way they thought belly buttons were odd. They were free of everything, letting lose to their most secret questionings.
The years went by and the two boys kept getting closer. Between them, casual touches had always been natural. They often held hands under the table, cuddled while watching a movie or teasingly kissed the other on the cheek. Furthermore, hugs remained their favorite thing in the world; Bokuto simply loved feeling Kuroo’s warm chest against his, which smelt like a strangely well-balanced mix of sweat and cinnamon. It was an odour he had gotten used to throughout years of being next to his companion.
Soon, Kuroo’s parents became just like his second family. He entered the house without knocking, greeted his mom with a wild grin as she told him how much she had missed seeing him around. During vacation, he could sleep there a whole week without feeling out of place. Half of his clothes were already thrown all around Kuroo’s room anyway. Bokuto had stopped thinking about his horrifying mood swings, noticeably enjoying the other’s reassuring presence. He knew he would always be there for him if he fell again, and that thought alone helped him not to do so.
The only negative aspect of this whole friendship was, well, the fact that Bokuto had never actually stopped crushing on his best friend. It had all started at some point in his first year, but he had tried his very best not to pay any attention to it. He looked past the frantic pounding of his heart every time Kuroo brushed his hand against his. He ignored the fluttery feeling inside his chest when the black-haired teen mischievously tickled his belly, laughing into his neck, something he often did with carelessness. Kuroo certainly hadn’t noticed his friend’s everlasting love for him. Bokuto thought his infatuation would surely endanger their friendship, and that was a thing he couldn’t afford to lose. Even if he had to hide his own sentiments and suffer in silence, he would do everything in his power to keep Kuroo in his life.
Bokuto remembered coming out to his friend. They were in second year at the time. It had gone without a hitch, since he already was aware of the fact that they would never judge each other, no matter what. The most unanticipated thing was that Kuroo also had a romantic thing for boys. Weirdly, it had lifted a huge weight of the older boy’s chest, and he couldn’t help but sense a new hope sparkling in his heart. Perchance his love wasn’t totally unrequited. Of course, he still never had the guts to confess.
All of this to say that the two of them were currently huddled against each other, still seeking warmth even as they were covered in two blankets. Bokuto’s leg was lazily rested around Kuroo’s thighs, encircling them and bringing their bodies close. He was so intimately nestled in the other’s arms that their torsos were touching. Kuroo’s arms were enveloping Bokuto’s stomach and back, nuzzling him. The black-haired teen deepened the embrace, as if to alert his friend that he was still awake.
Just before, they had been going on about mysterious philosophical topics. As the conversation turned into something more humoristic, Bokuto kept making Kuroo laugh until he cried. The boy clutched at his friend’s shirt, looking for air as he wheezed. That sound was the final blow for Bokuto, who started to snort and frantically bang his hand on the bed to try and calm himself down. It was funny how they could go from a deep and intimate dialogue to plain hilarity in less than five minutes. Now, they were in a sort of half hugging, half nestling position, massaging each other’s back and hair.
Obviously, one of the guys’ current struggles was to try and stop his heart from plainly bursting out of his chest. Kuroo’s head lay motionless directly above Bokuto’s pulse. He was almost sure that the taller boy could sense his heartbeat going crazy. He tenderly caressed his friend’s dark feathery locks, wondering what he had done to deserve this. He simply wanted to place his hand under Kuroo’s chin to lift his face and kiss his lips as affectionately as he possibly could. He needed to touch him so bad, to tell him how much he loved him, he wasn’t sure he would be able to handle another soft touch on his lower back. Suddenly, Kuroo pushed Bokuto’s body slightly away from his, concern veiling his brown eyes.
“Bo, are you feeling good? I think you’re having palpitations,” he whispered, not wanting to wake his parents up. That night, he was wearing the oldest and grossest boxers in his closet. A few pimples had popped on his skin due to all the junk food they had consumed. He was covered with sweat and his hair was exceptionally chaotic, but Bokuto still considered he was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. That was how he treasured his best friend; flawed, yet perfect in his own inimitable way.
“Bo?” Kuroo repeated, bringing his friend’s forehead to his lips to verify his body temperature. Bokuto’s face was burning, but it definitely wasn’t from a fever. His amber eyes, full of a fondness he couldn’t manage to hide anymore, were resting on the other’s lips as they left his face.
“You know, if you have something to tell me, I’m all ears,” the teen continued, speaking softly. Their legs were still intertwined and Kuroo’s left hand lay motionless on Bokuto’s lower back. The air felt heavy and the distance between their two faces seemed to be way, way too big.
Bokuto weighed the pros and the cons. His best friend, the one who had always been by his side, had it been during the better or the worst moments of his existence…Could he possibly love him back? It seemed impossible, like a faraway fantasy. He wasn’t an extraordinary person. However, all those faint caresses and stolen glances conceivably meant something more. He recalled all the times he dreamily contemplated the feeling of being loved back, of being able to kiss Kuroo every day, of touching him and not feel like he had trespassed.
He blinked, exhaling slowly as he decided to go for it. “I’m in love with you, Kuroo.”
As Bokuto was opening his mouth again to tell him to forget it, the concerned unexpectedly spoke up. “Can you…kiss me, then?”
At those words, the white-haired boy’s heart completely gave up. His eyes were as wide as saucers as he tried to take in the new information. Bokuto unhurriedly and carefully ran his hands through Kuroo’s black hair, holding his movement halfway so he could draw his face closer. He slowly approached his own lips, his heartbeat so loud it resonated in his ears, and closed his eyelids. It was 3am, his skin was sticky, he was wearing the ugliest pyjama he had ever seen and he hadn’t washed his hair for at least three days but there he was, finally kissing his crush.
The kiss wasn’t similar to the ones in rosewater movies. It was sloppy and maladroit, with Kuroo bumping his nose against Bokuto’s and chuckling into his mouth. His lips were chapped and they both could still taste the popcorn they had eaten earlier that night, but it was all they had ever asked for.
“I can’t believe I’m kissing you,” Bokuto confided as he caught his breath, his thumb tenderly brushing against Kuroo’s cheek. He smiled and accidentally hit his teeth on the other’s lower lips, earning him a faint laugh followed by a groan.
“I thought you would never do it,” was his answer. Kuroo cupped his face and kissed him again. This time, the kiss was heated and more passionate. Bokuto opened his mouth wider, allowing Kuroo to awkwardly explore it with his tongue. He could feel the light touch of eyelashes on his skin, making him frisson. It was the first time they had done something like this with anyone, but it wasn’t bad at all.
The embrace was delicate and amorous, unlike some of the several tickle fights they had had in the past. It was another brand of emotion, touching your best friend in a way you had dreamt about for years. Surely, it wasn’t faultless, but it didn’t matter. They enjoyed running their hands all over the other’s body, exploring new places, occasionally eliciting a pleased moan. They kept pausing and kissing again, getting more and more comfortable as time went by. At last, Kuroo ended up sitting on Bokuto’s lap, his legs surrounding his waist and fingers stroking the base of his neck.
They went to sleep ten minutes later, breathy and shaking with utter happiness. The satisfaction of having your love returned truly was a feeling unlike any other.
“I’ve always wanted to tell you how much I loved every part of you; your untameable hair, your weird and wonderful interests, your ugly t-shirts, the way your laugh is even funnier than the joke itself…” Bokuto’s mushy speech was put on hold when Kuroo planted a finger over his lips.
“I never knew you had so much sappiness in you, Bo,” he mocked while ruffling his white hair. “I guess now I need to put an end to this terribly corny speech by kissing you again.”
Maybe, just maybe, being in love with your best friend wasn’t that bad of a struggle, after all.