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DECEMBER nights brought teeth chattering cold and stomach twisting nightmares.
Hermione did not mind the cold so much, she actually enjoyed the winter, it was the nightmares that troubled her. Being back at Hogwarts was bittersweet; there was warmth and familiarity, but she would never forget the blood soaked stone or the scattered bodies. Hogwarts had always been home for her. Now, she wasn't sure where to call home.
Things were different this time around. One of the biggest things was that she didn't stay in Griffyndor tower anymore. Instead, she shared a common room with the other returning 'eighth' years. McGonagall trusted they'd be responsible, so their dormitories weren't separated by gender but grouped randomly. Her room was at the end of the hallway to the right after ascending the staircase.
During the day, she got along as best she could, and it was even better now that it was Christmas time. Hermione had always loved the holidays and even with all the loss, it was hard for her not to succumb to the cheery atmosphere. It was during the night came when reality set in and she was haunted by the war even in her sleep.
One night it had become too much for her to bear alone.
It was midnight. The sky was full of twinkling stars and the moon shone bright and full. For most, it would be a peaceful night but for Hermione it would be one full of terror.
Usually the topic of her nightmares stayed consistent; Harry dying, Bellatrix carving into her arm, or running from snatchers. This night was no different. She had been transported back in time to the Manor again. The only difference was that she couldn't see nor hear anyone else in the room with her. There was no comfort to be found within stormy grey.
She awoke screaming and thrashing, her duvet thrown off of her along with her bedsheets. Her throat felt raw, as if she'd been screaming for a long time. She had broken out into a sweat despite it being freezing and her body trembled with fear.
She sat up immediately, scanning the room, assuring herself that she was still at Hogwarts. Everything was as it should be; her nightstand, her desk, her chest and her wardrobe. She brought her knees up to her chest, circling her arms around her legs to bring comfort. It only worked in the slightest because she still felt like she couldn't breathe.
Her room was silenced for this very reason. She had no worries that she had woken anyone, but part of her wished that someone knew what was going on. There was an ache in her chest, a feeling of utter loneliness, and she couldn't help the tears she shed. She tried her hardest to forget the pain of the cursed blade. In her nightmare, she'd been completely alone, with nothing but darkness surrounding her and a mad woman on top of her.
She glanced over at the door that led to the shared bathroom. She always kept her's cracked open just a slither, just in case. It reminded her that she wasn't on her own, that someone was in the next room over. This reassurance didn't seem to be enough to calm her racing heart.
She wiped at her tears, contemplating on her next decision. He was likely to be in deep sleep by now and she didn't wish to disturb him. On the other hand, she didn't want to be in this room by herself any longer.
Without anymore thought, she grabbed her pillow and climbed out of her four-poster bed. She dragged her feet across her soft plush rug and headed for the bathroom. Pulling her door open, she didn't bother with turning on the light but instead moved quietly toward his entrance to the shared room. She was surprised to find the door cracked open just as her's had been.
His door was typically kept shut and locked. He was big on privacy, she respected that. Her brain ponders the limited interactions they've had so far this year, and which one could've prompted him to leave the door open. The only thing she could think of was just the other night; She'd found herself in the common room after having a nightmare and to her surprise, he'd been sitting on the couch watching the dying flames in the fireplace.
When she'd hesitantly sat down in the available space next to him, he hadn't said a word or even looked in her direction. He'd quietly gotten up, made her a cup of tea, then sat in silence with her until she dozed off. He had looked just as exhausted as she felt, no doubt experiencing night terrors just as she was.
Had he decided to crack the door open for her in case she ever was in need of company? Maybe she was reading too far into things. This was Malfoy she was thinking of, and there was no way he would ever care that much about her well-being.
Still, she would rather face ridicule than spend another minute in her room alone.
Clutching her pillow to her chest, she quietly peeked her head into Malfoy's room. She was immediately struck by the soft green glow of Christmas lights. It seemed that Malfoy had strung up light to run along the walls within his room. There was also his ceiling that mimicked a night sky full of stars, his constellation being the center of attention.
She smiled to herself, pulling her eyes away from the pretty display to locate Malfoy. He lay on his stomach, facing away from her with his arm dangling over the side of his bed. His curtains weren't drawn, but it seemed he was fast asleep. She bit her cheeks in contemplation.
She hated to wake him really, but he was the closest to her, and she had her reasons for not wanting to seek out Harry or the others. Malfoy held no preconceived expectations of her, therefore it was easier to be vulnerable with him. It was odd but it was the truth.
Careful not to make a sound, she tiptoed into his room until she was only a few feet from the door. She paused, wondering if she should turn around. This was completely inappropriate and she was sure she probably looked like a total creep, but she was scared.
"Malfoy?" She whispered.
Nothing. She got no response other than his steady breathing.
"Malfoy." She tried again, but louder this time. He stirred a bit.
"Mmm?"
"Can I...Do you mind if I just sit in here?" She couldn't very well ask to sleep with him, so just sitting in his presence was the next best thing. As long as she knew someone else was there with her, she would be fine.
There was a pause before he made a sort of grumbling sound. She could hardly count that as a response, but she would take it as a yes anyway. She was sure that he probably thought he was dreaming and wasn't even fully aware of the short conversation. It was no matter to her. She would be out of here before the morning.
She chose to sit on the floor up against his bed, near where his arm hung over the side. She could've sat in the armchair he had in the corner but she'd be tempted to fall asleep there. Once settled, she focused on trying to match her breathing with his, so that her heart rate would slow down. It worked, eventually.
When sleep returned and began tugging at her eyelids, she got up from the floor with as little noise as possible and left Malfoy's room as if she'd never been there in the first place.
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It became an odd routine for her whenever nightmares plagued her. Every night she'd carry her pillow with her, tiptoeing her way into Malfoy's room and taking her spot on the floor. She made sure she asked him each time, even though she questioned if he was actually coherent. He never brought it up the next morning, so it was either he didn't care or had absolutely no idea that he was her refuge from the shadows that chased her in sleep.
Some nights she admired the stars upon his ceiling. She found it funny that the one constellation she'd always favored as a little girl sort of belonged to someone who was her supposed enemy. When she sat there in his room, he didn't feel like much like one. In fact, he hadn't felt like her enemy in a long time, ever since that day she'd been on his drawing room floor.
Other nights she tried counting how many bulbs were actually on the string lights. She always ended up having to restart.
The thing that always calmed her most though, was his presence. She took comfort in the steadiness of his breathing. He was concrete, tangible, and she could rely on the fact that he would be there should she ever fall victim to her night terrors. She questions if the peace she found with him now was because she'd found it in him all those months ago.
Malfoy had been the only familiar within that room. After awhile, she'd forgotten Harry's pleas and she could no longer hear Ron's desperate cries. Grey was her only anchor, her only motivation to keep from going under. The torture was happening to her, but she wasn't the only one going through.
In that moment, they were in it together, even if they were on opposing sides. He was as much a prisoner as she was. He was just as scared as she was. He wanted it to end, just as she did. There were truly no winners in war, only those who survived to tell their truth. It dawned on her that it easily could've been him in her position. Later on, she would find out that he was disturbingly familiar with the end of his aunt's wand.
The night before Christmas eve, she'd made the mistake of falling asleep before she left his room.
She hadn't known she'd fallen into a slumber before someone was waking her by shaking her shoulders. The hand was gentle but firm, and at first she tried swatting them away. It wasn't until she heard Malfoy's voice that she jolted awake.
"What-why, what is it?" She hadn't fully awoken yet, and had forgotten that she was on the floor next to his bed.
"Granger, what are you doing? Why are you on my floor?" He was crouched over her with a look of bewilderment on his face.
When she remembered where she was and who's room she was in, she sat up immediately. Her cheeks flushed a bright red and she scrambled for an explanation. It was still the middle of the night; his room was still blanketed in darkness with the exception of the lights.
He looked at her expectantly and she realized how awkward this situation was. She had never seen Malfoy in anything but his usual all black attire, so seeing him in pajamas, no matter how fancy they were, was just bizarre.
"I didn't mean to fall asleep here, I-...nightmares and-, I'm so sorry. I'll leave now." She stumbled over her words and got up as quickly as she could. Abandoning her pillow, she left the room without a glance backward. "Goodnight, Malfoy."
The next morning she found that her pillow was returned, but that was the least of her worries. She was sure Malfoy would be angry with her. He would probably tell everyone that Hermione Granger was a creep who snuck into people's rooms then fell asleep on their floors. It'd be even worse if he mentioned it was because of nightmares.
She had fought Voldemort, come face to face with a mad woman, but couldn't handle nightmares.
To her pleasant surprise, he didn't bring it up at all. When she stepped into the common room, he greeted her with a polite nod and even a small smile but that was it. Maybe it was because it would be Christmas the next day, or maybe it was just that he understood her need for comfort. Hermione was grateful for his silence either way.
She had taken it upon herself to get everyone a gift they could open early, and the rest they'd save for tomorrow. Christmas Eve was always almost as good as the actual day for Hermione. She could be quite obnoxious when it came to the holiday; baking cookies, singing songs and doing as many holiday related activities that she could.
Her friends, along with Malfoy and his lot, indulged her without a fuss. It seemed that she wasn't the only one in need of some extra cheer this time around. It was hard with all they had lost, but Hermione was determined to make sure that they felt the warmth of the season.
She would again be surprised to see that someone had thought of her in the spirit of gift giving, and it was from Malfoy of all people. He hadn't put his name on it, but she recognized his handwriting after going to school with him for several years. It was a blanket with a pattern that resembled the one on his ceiling. The stars embroidered on it actually sparkled. He left a short note with it.
Hope this midnight brings you comfort.
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She could not resist sleep forever, and even though she'd had quite the festive day, shadows loomed in the corners of her mind.
The blanket smelled of lavender, most likely for a calming effect but she also detected a hint of him. It did the job because when she inevitably awoke screaming, she calmed quicker than she ever had in the past few months. Yet, her eyes still locked onto her bathroom door.
Unable to break the habit, she found herself crossing through the bathroom again. She expected his door to be shut this time after he discovered her on his floor, but just as it'd been every other night, it was cracked open. She brought her blanket along with her, wrapping it around herself like she was in a cocoon.
This time she would make sure he was fully awake to ask if she could stay awhile.
When she reached his bedside, her eyes locked onto the open space next to him, but she quickly dismissed whatever idea was forming. Instead, she gently poked him in the back to see if he would move. As usual, she got nothing, so she tried again, whispering his name as well.
"Malfoy." She opted for tapping him lightly and she nearly jumped ten feet in the air when he whipped his head around to look at her. He'd only cracked one eye open, but she knew a glare when she saw one. She stood frozen, clutching the blanket he'd gifted.
He stared for a moment before sighing.
"Either take the chair or lay down in the bed, Granger, but quit hovering and tapping me or else you'll have no fingers to tap with."
He turned back around and settled back into his sleeping position without another word. Hermione stood stunned for a moment, before her eyes darted between the chair and the bed several times. The bed would be much comfier, warmer, and she would be closer to her source of comfort.
He obviously didn't mind, so why should she? It wasn't a big deal, and she honestly was too tired to worry about how such an act would look. Besides, if she hovered any longer he might throw her out.
With resolve, she walked to the other side of the bed so she wouldn't have to climb over him. She tried to fight her awkward embarrassment when she noticed with sleepy eyes that he was watching her get into bed. He pulled back the blankets even though she already had one and rolled his eyes at her attempt to keep space between them.
When she was all settled in, he pulled the cover up to her chin then threw his arm over her without care. It took only seconds of feeling his warmth to melt away any lingering apprehension. In no time, her lids felt heavy and she found she did not care to refrain from snuggling into him.
Just before she fell asleep, she heard him speak quietly.
"Merry Christmas, Granger."
She felt something bloom within her chest. "Merry Christmas, Draco."
This midnight had indeed brought her comfort, and she fell asleep with a smile.
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