Chapter Text
Karamatsu combed his hair for what had to be the 20th time during the past hour while scrutinizing his reflection in the window of a sushi shop.
Heh. There was no excuse for laziness. His Karamatsu Girls only deserved the best, so he diligently checked his reflection every few minutes to ensure the impeccability of his look at any given moment of the day. He admired the silkiness of his hair one last time (shining beautifully in the afternoon sun) before he turned around – deeming himself ready to hunt his precious Karamatsu Girls.
What he called 'hunting' ended up being a much more passive activity than it sounded like – mostly it was him leaning against the wall of a building of a busy shopping street and discreetly glancing over the rim of his sunglasses, on the lookout of potential 'Karamatsu Girls'.
And... looking good.
The power of destiny would do the rest.
Another half an hour passed like that and he had already exchanged two meaningful looks with what he was sure were his soulmates, who were sadly too shy to really approach him (it was fine though, because patience was a virtue, and the path of many guilty guys like him had been laid out with thorns before they could taste the sweet syrup of success), when his phone suddenly buzzed. It was a text message from his older brother, Osomatsu.
hey karamatsu where are u??? come back home ineed ur help
Heh.
Karamatsu sighed.
His Karamatsu Girls had to wait. Destiny had twisted his path yet again, and as much as it hurt him to leave his fans hanging when they needed him the most, he had a duty to fulfill. Osomatsu had to be in deep trouble – maybe in danger from an unknown supernatural force, with no one other than Karamatsu there to rescue him. (Or maybe he had lost at horse betting and needed a shoulder to cry on?)
The noise coming out of the Matsuno household didn't surprise Karamatsu at first, living with 5 brothers and his two parents guarenteed coming home to a very lively household more often than not. However, when he opened the front door and slipped out of his shoes he had to stop in his tracks.
Did he just hear someone crying?
No - it was a whole mix of crying voices, followed by a loud crash, sound of tumbling and a shriek.
Following the chorus of noise to the living room, he opened the door... and found it a complete mess.
“Osomatsu, what are you...”
He had to look twice to actually find his brother amidst the mess – lying between piles of clothes, socks, blankets and strewn around papers. Karamatsu gaped. Crawling around the mess was the source of the crying: babies – one, two... no, three... wait, a fourth one was coming out behind a cupboard.
“Karamatsu, help meeee”, Osomatsu whined pitifully, while one of the toddlers trampled over his face.
One baby grabbed hold of Karamatsu's leg when he tried to make his way towards his older brother. “Ah, uh, hello mai enjeru”, he cooed nervously to the heavy slobbering weight on his leg. He digged out one of his spare sweets for Jyushimatsu and held it out in an attempt of bribery. “I will give you a lollypop if you let go of me, aruraito?”
The baby bit him in response.
Karamatsu and Osomatsu managed to escape the living room (of hell) and quickly shut the door behind themselves, sinking back against it heavily so none of the tiny monsters could possibly escape. That way the destruction was limited to one room, at least. Keeping casualties low.
“I...”, Karamatsu breathed out. “I didn't know we had …uh, visitors. Whose kids are those? Will they be staying long?”
As much as he appreciated the beauty of all life forms, regardless of... which development stage they were in, he was worrying that getting his clothes slobbered all over with saliva would start to become a regular occurrence. His beautiful sequin jeans were already wet and sticky from being nibbled on earlier.
“Uhm... well.” Osomatsu looked away innocently. “Actually, they are... our brothers.”
There was a moment of quietness, only broken by the low drumming of apocalyptic-level destruction that was going on inside the living room.
“Mai burazza.” Karamatsu sighed and gave Osomatsu a look of reproval. “It is no good to be drinking when you have been bestowed the duty of looking after little fledglings.”
“I'm not druuunk”, Osomatsu wailed in exasperation. “It's true. They've... kinda shrunk. It was a potion of Dekapan's.”
Oh... Karamatsu couldn't really argue with that. The scientist had a surprising talent for developing unusual gadgets, the sextuplets all had been witness to that more often than they had liked to. But he hoped for the sake of his brothers it was one of those potions that didn't leave any damaging effects and wore off after a while...
It was still hard to believe though, that four of his brothers weren't the same age as him anymore.
“Why, oh why, did you have to subject our dear brothers to this?”
“Ah, well”, Osomatsu smiled sheepishly, scratching his cheek. “I ran out of money for pachinko and on my way back home I came past his lab and saw this sign saying he was hiring test subjects for his newest invention. And there I went! He paid quite well, but then he was going blah blah blah so I just took the potion to try it out at home. By that I mean, I let the others try obviously. You see, if anything went wrong someone had to be there to, y'know, let the prof know about the results, right? Haha, it was all for science.”
“Just as I would expect from my dearest older brother. Always looking at the big picture.” Karamatsu smiled fondly at his brother's thoughtfulness. Wait, what am I saying?! Didn't he just take advantage of them?!
He shook his head, getting rid of those sinful thoughts. No, that was wrong. Osomatsu always only had the best in mind when it came to their brothers, …right. Right?! Pachinko just had that kind of effect on a person. Driving you slowly into a corner, making you penniless and pushing you into a deep abyss of despair...
“But then they ended up like this and... well...” Until now Osomatsu had rattled on his story happily, but then the atmosphere around him suddenly changed and his lower lip trembled. “But who could have known that this would happennn??”, he whined, flapping his arms like a fish. “The prof said that it should wear off in a couple days, but what am I supposed to do now?! I'm too young to take care of children!! This is horrible, bwahhh...!!”
Karamatsu quickly started patting his brother's shoulder in a reassuring manner. “It's okay, niisan, I know you have been facing some harsh trials, but now that I'm here, fear nothing anymore-”
“And they.. they don't even know when it's appropriate to poop. They just keep shitting and barfing without warning, it's so gross, bwahhh!!”, Osomatsu kept crying, burying his head into his brother's shoulder for comfort.
Karamatsu patted his brother's hair, while trying to get rid of the mental image of pooping babies. (He wished Osomatsu had a better way of wording things.) “Shhh, niisan... Where are our parents though? They should know what to do!” He smiled brightly, while giving Osomatsu a thumbs-up.
His brother sniffled, and shoved a letter into his face. “I told them, but later I found this on the table.”
Karamatsu grabbed it and read.
Dear Osomatsu,
Ah, look at that, we just found unused
discount coupons for an onsen.
Your Dad and me are going on a quick
vacation! Wow, how inconvenient.
Love,
Your Mom
They totally ditched him!!!
Karamatsu started to sweat nervously. They couldn't even take care of themselves, could they really be trusted with not one... but four babies?!
No. He couldn't lose hope while his older brother was in so much distress. Osomatsu had called him and shared this burden with him. It was his job as the second oldest to stay by his side in these trying times, being steadfast-
“I have an idea”, Osomatsu whispered ominously, straightening up. “We just drop them at Iyami's house and run away.”
“But isn't he living under a bridge?? They are going to die!!”
Was this supposed to be the fate of his brothers? How long could babies survive in a setting like this?
...But how high were the chances they would survive in the Matsuno household?!
“Well, true... AHHH”, Osomatsu pulled at his hair in frustration. “Maybe we could sell them?? They are people who love these poopers. Or maybe Chibita accepts them in exchange for clearing our tabs??”
Osomatsu looked so hopeful, Karamatsu almost couldn't bring himself to tell him that babies weren't an accepted payment method in any part of Japan...
No, he was sure, they could manage taking care of the babies themselves. It couldn't be too hard, right...? Just giving them food, bathing them... brushing their hair... giving them a bowl with milk...
Wait, wasn't he just describing taking care of a cat?!
He hadn't even done it himself, just watched Ichimatsu do it.
…
Hmm, Ichimatsu would probably enjoy being taken care of like a cat.
Nonononono. Karamatsu shook his head. There were still ways, not all was lost... With new-found resolve he grabbed his older brother by his shoulders and gave him a serious look.
“Dear brother, I know you are confused and frightened, but with the humble me at your side we can face every obstacle laid in our path. Also we are not alone, for the vast knowledge of the world can be ours by a single snap of a finger.”
“To be honest, what truly confuses and frightens me is your way of speaking. Painful!! I need a translation!”
“I meant we still have Google, burazza.”