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Kenny McCormick was no stranger to bad luck. It happened to him all the time.
He was the poorest kid in South Park with parents who were addicts and constantly job hopping. On top of that, he had been cursed with a cycle of death and rebirth for as long as he’d been alive. To make matters worse, his deaths were never remembered by anyone. So instead of being able to vent about the trauma of having his average Tuesday be going to hell and back, he just got the reputation of a slacker who skipped classes.
It truly, truly sucked absolute balls. But Kenny had grown used to it. It was the cards he’d been dealt and no matter how much it sucked, Kenny couldn’t change it. The blonde conceded that as long as he lived, he would face nothing but bad luck.
At least, that was how he used to think.
Kenny’s view of the world changed– if only by a small margin– one Monday morning near the start of his junior year.
Really it wasn’t anything special. He got up, got dressed, walked to school with his sister, dropped her off at South Park Middle, before walking over to South Park High.
Even when he arrived inside, nothing felt all that out of the ordinary. He waved hi to a couple of people while walking down the hall and, as per usual, Cartman was leaning against the locker next to his.
“‘Sup poor-boy!” Eric snickered, Kenny just rolled his eyes but replied, “Nothing much fatass, same old same old.”
They began idly chatting away as they did every morning. The two didn’t share any classes but their lockers were right next to each other and they had the same lunch period. Besides it was really a no brainer that they’d hang out, being as they were Best Friends. Plus, Cartman had begun to mellow out a bit over the years, or as much as someone like Cartman can mellow out. He was still an asshole through and through but more of an equal opportunity insulter kind of asshole then grinding up a kid's dead parents into chili asshole.
“So how are things going with that one chick, um what’s her name?” Kenny questioned, pulling out books from his locker as he did so.
“Yentl, and fucking amazing!” His friend exclaimed, a prideful yet dreamy expression on his face. Kenny smiled as his friend continued, Eric now trapped in an endless stream of praise about Yentl.
Yentl was the name of a girl that Eric had met about three years back through a mutual server. They both began e-dating sophomore year which was largely met with either ridicule or disinterest from most. While Kenny still had concerns over his friend getting catfished he couldn’t deny that this ‘Yentl’ girl seemed to have a positive influence on him. Plus, Eric had shown him a couple pictures of the girl and he didn’t get any matches when reverse image searching.
“She’s just so kewl. Also don’t tell anyone else yet, but…” Eric drew out the last syllable as he leaned into Kenny, “We’re seeing each other this weekend.”
Kenny nearly slammed his locker door shut, a wide grin on his face, “Dude! No way!” The blonde’s grin slightly dimmed as he remembered an important detail Eric had shared about this Yentl girl, “Wait, I thought you said she lives in Illinois?”
“She does,” Eric nodded before quickly continuing, “But! She’s got family in Castle Rock that she's visiting, so I’m driving up on Saturday to see her.”
“Well congrats dude, I’m happy for you.” Kenny spoke genuinely. Yes, he still was on the fence over this girl’s authenticity but that was to be expected with any online relationship really. Besides, they’d been through crazier in their childhood. No doubt Eric would be able to handle himself if things did go awry.
“Yeah, it’s seriously gonna be so sick.” Eric smiled to himself before casually brushing off his lovesick face.
“But like I said, keep this on the down low Kinny. Last thing I need is for Kahl to get on my ass about how ‘dangerous and stupid I’m being’ and ‘why would you agree to meet a complete stranger, do you want to get kidnapped Eric?’” Cartman said those last two lines with air quotations while pitching up his voice to sound like their red-headed friend. It was about the worst impression anyone had ever done of Kyle, but Kenny couldn’t help but laugh.
Suddenly Kenny’s phone buzzed. He dug around in his pocket before pulling out the device, Eric not so subtly leading over his shoulder.
“Well speak of the Jersey Devil.”
Messages
Kyley-B 💚
Are you by your locker?
That’s kind of weird. The other two usually just met up with them anyway. Kenny wasn’t sure why Kyle felt the need to text him about something so routine.
Kenny quickly unlocked his phone before typing his response.
Yea lik usual. U good?
Less than a second went by before another text was sent
Kyley-B 💚
Good. Omw, don’t move.
Just then another buzz went off, this time a ring coming from Eric’s phone. He pulled it out, seeing who was calling
Stan the Man 🐾😎
Ok, this just went from being kind of weird to officially weird. Stan never called unless it was an emergency. Cartman and Kenny gave each other a look before the larger teen hit accept. Immediately, Stan’s voice could be heard.
“Hey guys, have you heard from Kyle?” Stan's voice came out sharp, with a hint of panic in its tone.
Kenny was the first to speak up, “Yeah, he texted me a little before you called. Told me to stay at my locker.”
Eric then interjected, “Wait a second, shouldn’t Kahl be with you?” It was honestly a very valid question. Stan always picked up Kyle and drove them both to school. It was a little out of the way for the black-haired teen to do but stuff like this was just what Super Best Friends do.
“Oh yeah no, he was. Like a minute ago.” Stan supplied before continuing to ramble off, “My car engine… thing went off. It’s fine now but he got kinda antsy and sorta… rolled out of my car.”
“He what!?” Kenny and Eric exclaimed in unison.
“Yeah… he’s kind of running to school now. I’m still behind him but not by much. I’ve tried to get him back in but he looks really determined.” The two could hear a honk, in the background and a shout from Stan, no doubt still trying to get his friend in the vehicle. There was a moment of silence before he spoke up once more, “Yeah… I don’t think I’m getting him back in here.”
Alright this day was definitely going from weird to absurd at this point.
Eric sighed, “I guess it was only a matter of time before Kahl lost his mind. I thought he’d be able to wait it out until graduation, but I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Kenny just elbowed his friend before talking to Stan again, ignoring Eric’s shout of betrayal, “Do you have any idea why he’s acting like this?”
The two could hear some faint movement before Stan spoke up, “Nothing,” then there was a pause and some hesitation, “…well it might have something to do with this morning… Or maybe last night… Probably this morning though.”
“What happened?”
“Last night or this morning?”
“Both?”
“Well last night Kyle and I were talking and I kind of told him something about how his feelings for-“ Stan quickly caught himself before continuing, “someone. Weren’t exactly friendship feelings or they didn’t really sound like friendship feelings I guess. Anyway, I didn’t think about it much but then he told me this morning that…” Stan trailed off, obviously hesitating on whether or not he should share the next information.
“What’d he say?”
The two were only met with the sound of a running car. Stan was still undergoing an internal debate of some kind.
“Stan, what happened?”
Another pause followed before finally, “So Kyle, uh, said he kind of… came out.”
“What? Like out of the closet?”
“Yeah?”
Kenny blinked in surprise at the statement. Or more accurately, the question as Stan didn’t seem too sure of it himself, “Kyle’s gay?”
“Apparently?”
“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” Eric spat.
“I mean he kind of just… decided all of this after we talked last night.”
“ Decided to be gay?” Eric snorted, his voice flat with disbelief and a drop of sarcasm, “So he just woke up and went, ‘you know what? Let’s be gay today!’”
“I don’t know dude! Kyle’s never mentioned anything like this before, whatever this is.” Stan seemed to stutter over a few words with his rambling. “I mean, I guess he did last night, but he didn’t even seem to be considering that as a possibility until we talked and now he came out as gay and we’re almost at school where he has still been running outside like an idiot!” Stan shouted the last point with an emphasized car horn, obviously directed at the red-head rather than the two on the phone.
Eric gave Kenny a playful nudge, “Well if Kahl’s a raging homo now, then maybe you’ve got a shot Ken!”
Kenny’s face immediately changed hue, pushing his now cackling friend away. Kenny hadn’t been hiding the fact that he wasn’t straight. He came out as bi during the summer of seventh grade. What was a secret however, was that Kenny had a crush on a certain red-headed Jew. He’d had it since middle school. Although crush was a bit of an understatement, it was more like a completely smitten, down-bad, lovesick, infatuation for his friend.
“Wait Kenny likes Kyle?” Stan questioned, before muttering, “Well I guess this won’t be as awkward then.”
Before Kenny could question the teen’s statement, Stan let them know that he was now officially at the school and quickly grabbed Kyle before hanging up.
Eric just looked at Kenny, the traces of a smirk still on his lips. Eric was the only person in South Park who knew about his crush. At first he was extremely against it, stating how they were incompatible for mostly very bigoted reasons. But as time went on, Eric’s reaction turned more positive. Now he just made jokes about how Kenny should go ahead and ask him out and hopefully get some of that sand out his vagina. Kenny just pulled the strings of his parka tighter which made Eric cackle more.
Suddenly, the hall was interrupted by a very sudden burst from the front doors. Kyle quickly made his way towards Kenny and Eric’s lockers. He appeared somewhat out of breath, evidence of his morning run to school, but determined nonetheless. Stan was at his side, walking alongside him and somehow appearing even more exhausted.
Before they knew it Kyle and Stan had joined up Eric and Kenny. Kyle’s gaze was unwavering at Kenny.
“Nice of you guys to join us,” Eric jested, “Did you have a nice morning jog Kahl?”
Kyle uncharacteristically paid no mind to the fatass, staring directly into Kenny. The blond was starting to feel the tension heighten. The silence was awkward and Kyle’s eyes felt like lasers that were nearly done digging through his head. Hell, knowing his luck he wouldn’t be surprised if that very thing happened. Before Kenny could mutter out a hello, trying to ease the atmosphere, Kyle’s voice sharply cut through.
“Do you want to be my boyfriend?”
The words were loud enough that many passersby stared at the main four, or specifically, at Kyle and Kenny. Kenny just stood there, mouth agape in a slight smile that screamed of absolute disbelief. Don’t get him wrong this was a dream come true for the orange clad boy, but the delivery of this all was so sudden that Kenny found the words couldn’t leave his lips. Despite the somewhat awkward situation, Kenny and Kyle’s eyes stayed locked on one another. It was after a pregnant pause, that Kyle cleared his voice and spoke up again.
“I’m… Um, I’m gay now and I think I have a crush on you– or, uh, I have feelings for you, Kenny,” Kyle's voice faltered as the words came stumbling at a pace faster than his mouth could process. No doubt a combination of both the rather large audience and the slowly dying adrenaline. “So… Will you be my boyfriend?”
Kenny’s mouth finally closed, he took a deep breath before finally answering, “Yes.”
A few cheers and claps were heard from the crowd and Kyle’s face quickly grew into a smile. “That’s— okay! That’s great! Perfect!” Kyle laughed out and Kenny couldn’t help but join in. God, he felt like he just died but in a good way as his body felt like it was in heaven’s fluffy clouds rather than the fiery pits of hell he’d grown accustomed to. Kenny felt himself draw closer to the red-haired teen in front of him. His now boyfriend his mind supplied giddily. But instead of being rewarded with a kiss or even a simple hug from the man he was now dating, Kyle straightened his back and spoke to the rest of the group.
“Alright, so we should head to class now. Bell’s about to ring.” Kyle readjusted the grip on his backpack straps, “see you guys at lunch.”
Eric and Stan just stared at each other as Kenny was left dumbfounded. Kyle just asked him to be his boyfriend, in front of a good chunk of the school and very directly he might add. And now what? He was just gonna walk away without something as small as a peck on the cheek. Yeah, not on Kenny’s watch.
He ran over to Kyle, harshly turning him around with his face mildly flustered. Staring back at Kenny, Kyle’s head tilted slightly in that aggravatingly cute way that he did whenever he was confused. Kenny hesitated for a split moment before snapping back with full determination in a single command.
“Kiss me.”
The red-head quickly obliged. Soon they were locked in a sweet but short kiss. Kenny could hear some shouts and hollers but paid them no mind. This was everything he’d ever wanted and more. His heart was swelling up with every second. Kenny was now debating whether or not this was reality or just some blessed post-death dream. He was going to savor it either way.
Finally, after a few seconds, but what felt to Kenny like a decade of eternal bliss, the two broke apart. The parka wearing boys face was flushed with a dopey smile, causing Kyle to smile in return and thus Kyle and Kenny were officially boyfriends.
After confirming that no, this wasn’t a dream and was in fact very very real, Kenny burst with the most pure form of joy imaginable. He was dating Kyle Broflovski, and his life couldn’t be any better.
Him and Kyle would spend their breaks together. The red-head teen loved to plan all the dates, scheduling times where they could go out for coffee, take a walk in the park, or even take a drive outside of town. Kenny cherished each of these and more. They texted near constantly, keeping each other company even at night. Whenever Kenny spotted Kyle out in the halls, he would hug the taller teen from behind, attempting to plant a kiss as far up as he could which never failed to make his boyfriend laugh.
And that’s exactly what Kyle was, his perfect boyfriend. Oh the word alone was enough to make Kenny burst. He absolutely relished the feeling of it. Who knew that a word so simple and used near daily could have the most wondrous effect when spoken.
For the first time in his life, Kenny felt that maybe he wasn’t all that unlucky.
After all, everything about him and Kyle’s relationship was perfect.
Just completely perfect.
Yep, nothing not perfect about their relationship. What-so-ever.
Okay… so maybe there was this one thing…
It didn’t start out all that bad. It didn’t even occur to Kenny at first that it might be an issue. Until he started noticing it more and more.
Stan had brought up the concern first, way back when him and Kyle first started dating. Stan called Kenny, wanting to meet up at the library for study help. Although when they both sat down it became clear that Stan had ulterior motives.
He said while he was happy Kenny and Kyle got together, he was about whether or not they were rushing into things too fast. Kenny couldn’t help but scoff at this. He had a crush on Kyle since the sixth grade, and even then he had a few inklings of feelings before that. If anything this had been due for a long time.
But Stan just sighed and explained himself further.
“It’s nothing to do with you dude,” Stan continued, “but I think Kyle might’ve asked you out way too soon.”
“Me and Kyle are fine Stan,” Kenny brushed off with a flippant tone.
“Look, I talked to Kyle the night before you guys started dating. I don’t doubt that he loves you but I’m not sure he really has himself figured out.”
“I don't think you have to have yourself figured out before you start dating someone.”
“Kenny, dude, he came out as the gay the day after his first ever sexuality crisis.”
“I think that might be an exaggeration.”
“I was on the phone with him through the entire thing.”
“Okay, but how do you know he didn’t have a crisis like this before?”
“Because he would’ve told me. We tell each other everything.”
“Maybe he decided not to this time”
“We’re Super Best Friends dude, that means we don’t hide anything from each other.” Kenny bit back his response that there surely had to be things Kyle didn’t tell Stan.
Stan sighed, “Look dude, all I’m saying is that I’m afraid Kyle’s jumping into this without really thinking it through. Plus he’s never really had the best track record when it comes to relationships…”
Kenny raised a brow at this, “Stan that was in elementary school, I doubt our relationship will turn out anything like that.”
“I hope so,” Stan muttered to himself before turning his attention back to Kenny, “Look, I’m not against you and Kyle dating. I just don’t want it to end up like before. You’re different from any of his other crushes.”
“Probably ‘cause I’m not a chick.”
“Because you actually mean something to him.”
Stan quickly left after that giving Kenny some time to process his words. Obviously, Kenny meant something to Kyle, they wouldn’t be dating otherwise. But it was something in the way Stan said it. A heavier weight to the words. Kenny meant something to Kyle in a way different than anything he’d ever felt before. After that it did leave Kenny to wonder, maybe they did jump into this too soon?
But that was quickly pushed to the back of his mind. No way! Kyle was an honor roll student and one of the smartest at their high school. He knew what he was doing. Besides Kenny had been down bad for Kyle so long, how could that ever be considered rushing into something?
Yeah, no. Him and Kyle were completely fine. Maybe Stan was just worried because of his own relationship with Wendy being on-and-off. Yeah, Stan was totally just projecting and him and Kyle were fine.
But that didn’t stop the thought from lingering in Kenny’s mind. It came up once more on one of their dates.
It was late and Kenny's hand was interlocked with Kyle’s, the two sitting on a bench right by Stark Pond. Currently they both were admiring the ever lowering sunset.
“I never knew this place could actually be pretty.”
“I know right? Took me forever to figure out which spot has a genuinely nice view.” Kyle said, “If we moved even a little to the right then we’d be getting a face full of trees.”
“Hey, a forest view can be pretty romantic.”
“Yeah, nothing says romance like a couple of dead trees.”
Kenny just laughed where Kyle followed suit. After a soft moment, Kenny finally settled down, his gaze turning from the sunset to his boyfriend. Kyle looked absolutely radiant in the sun. The rays perfectly captured his skin, making his father faint freckles appear more noticeable. His eyes also appeared to sparkle in the light, their usual hazel color turning into a soft sage green with mere hints of brown.
After admiring his complexion for what felt like hours but was in reality less than a minute, Kyle turned to face Kenny. He smiled, soft curves forming with an expression of pure endearment. Kenny couldn’t help but smile as well. He leaned towards him, before sitting up slightly and pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Kyle softly pressed the area, that same expression on his face. Kenny then leaned up against Kyle, the taller one adjusting himself from Kenny’s lighthearted complaints.
It was peaceful.
But it was also quiet.
And that led to some thoughts.
Which then led to other thoughts.
Which then became words.
With those words then being spoken.
“When did you first figure out you were gay?”
“Don’t laugh, but it was the day before I asked you out.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“But you at least thought about it before, right? Like you had some sort of feeling or I don’t know, something? Right?”
“No actually, I uh,” Kyle hesitated, “I kind of figured it out, figured it all out right there.”
Kenny disconnected their hands, scooting back till he could see Kyle’s face clearly. The blonde squinted his eyes, scrutinizing every detail he could make out. After much deliberation, he concluded, “You’re fucking with me.”
Kyle laughed at the accusation, holding his hands up in surrender, “I swear I’m not. I didn’t even consider that I might not be straight until I talked to Stan that night.”
“What did you and Stan talk about?”
“Nothing much really, he was telling me about something with Wendy? The details are a little hazy but somehow, you came up.”
“I did?”
Kyle laughed softly, the smallest hint of embarrassment peaking through, “Yeah. I was talking to Stan about us… I guess. I mean not us us, but like, the four of us type us. How I’m glad to have you guys in my life.”
Kenny raised a slight eyebrow, a mischievous grin peaking out, “Even Cartman?”
Kyle made a dramatic show of rolling his eyes, “Let’s not push it.” The annoyed act was ruined by the corners of his mouth twitching ever so slightly upwards. “But uh I don’t know it got a bit sentimental and I started talking about you, a lot.”
“Like?” Kenny lightheartedly bumped Kyle’s.
Kyle just chuckled, knocking Kenny back, “Like how smart you are.”
Kenny felt his face heat up slightly, but quickly grinned and tried to deflect the compliment, “Dude, I think you’re supposed to like stuff about me that’s actually true.”
“But it is!” Kyle gushed, voice full of admiration, “You’re one of the smartest people in our school, probably this whole town. You like to act like you’re not, but I’ve seen the way you talk about physics before.” He paused as a small smile began tugging at his lips, “I remember this one time, back in freshman year, you got really excited over this one science project we had to do. The one where we had to build those mini race cars with mouse traps.”
Kenny laughed along at the memory, “Yeah because those were sick as fuck.”
“That’s what you told everyone else.” Kyle snickered for a moment before turning more serious. He cleared throat a bit before continuing with his admission, “But I uh… I saw your notes for the project. They were detailed, like, really detailed. And not about stuff like the designs, but like the actual science behind it all. How to make everything work. The whole thing was covered in equations, formulas, everything! Honestly? I couldn’t even understand half the stuff you wrote.” His voice sighed with the type of awe Kenny usually never saw in Kyle.
“Wait– Am I hearing right or did Kyle Broflovski just say that I was smarter than him?” Kenny joked, his voice fully playful with mock disbelief.
Instead of any snarky comeback however, Kyle softly beamed, “It’s because you are.”
His eyes met Kenny’s for a brief moment before quickly looking away, slightly embarrassed after having processed what he said. Kenny felt the color rush to his cheeks and averted his gaze to his lap just as fast.
After a moment Kyle awkwardly coughed out, “So… yeah… I told Stan all that and more. And then he just said, ‘Dude, I think you like Kenny. Like, really like him.’” Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a short and awkward laugh.
Kenny sat in silence for a moment, taking time to process Kyle’s words. “I thought about it more after he hung up,” Kyle stated, his cheeks warming up with slight embarrassment. “I never really thought about that before… that I may like you more than a friend.” Kyle tone dropped at the statement, as if the weight of what those words meant were just now sinking in.
“So anyway, I thought about it all and decided that I was gay.”
“Decided?” Kenny asked, a bit caught off guard.
“Well yeah. I liked you and you’re a guy and so yeah, gay.”
“What about being bi?” He questioned further. “Didn’t you have crushes on all those girls back when we were kids?”
“Not really?” The ginger’s words hung in the air for the moment, like he was still questioning everything as the words came out, “I think I thought I was supposed to have crushes on them? Like everyone else. But… I never felt that. Not really.”
Kenny could partially relate to that. He never hid his crushes for girls as a kid, it was expected. But having a crush on a boy? That was unacceptable. So he used loopholes. As a kid he would dress up as a princess just to flirt with the other boys. It wasn’t really about who he liked. He was a kid trying to figure himself out. But he made sure to do it in a way that stayed safe within the lines of what was and wasn’t allowed. Boys went with girls. Girls went with Boys.They don’t even tell you that both are an option when you’re a kid.
“I just never really had those feelings for someone, but also never really thought about it either. Not until that night. I thought of you, and I guess ‘gay’ made sense.”
Gay made sense.
The words echoed in Kenny’s head. He wasn’t even sure why the words bothered him so much. Something about the words stung. Maybe it was how quickly it all came to the redhead, like less of an awakening and more of an afterthought. Like the decision wasn’t as genuine as it should’ve been.
“So why come out?” Kenny asked, voice a mixture of frustration and concern. There was a quiet urgency in the way he said it, “Why not take a minute to think about it?”
Kyle’s brow furrowed slightly, “What was there to think about?”
Kenny had so many answers to that question.
Maybe Kyle shouldn’t decide to start and end his first sexuality crisis in the span of a few hours. Maybe they both had jumped into this entire thing far too quickly. And maybe-just maybe-Kyle wasn't even really feeling attraction to him in the way that Kenny wanted.
Instead, Kenny answered, "I don't know."
The two sat in silence after that. Kenny's head was swirling. Kyle liked him. Kyle liked him! But what did that even mean now? Did Kyle even know?
They left soon after, the sun officially disappeared from the sky. At first they walked side by side just enjoying each other's company. Or Kyle was enjoying Kenny’s company. Kenny’s brain was still spiraling downward through a funnel that looped into itself.
Eventually Kyle noticed the shift in Kenny’s demeanor, “Kenny, dude? You ok?”
The blonde’s head snapped up, “Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” His voice didn’t quite fit with his words. Nevertheless, he had forced a smile on his face
Kenny fingers twitched about as he contemplated his next question. “Can we…” he glanced at Kyle’s empty hand before gazing back at his own, “can we hold hands?” The question felt so vulnerable, more than it had any right to feel. Holding hands was more than a simple gesture— it felt like a lifeline. Something that could ground him amidst all the confusion.
Kyle smiled, fulfilling the request wordlessly. Their hands slid into each other’s perfectly and Kenny’s prior intense thoughts dissolved. He was happy again. He was happy with Kyle. Holding his hand. This was exactly what he needed.
The two of them walked side by side, talking about anything and everything and holding hands all the while. The tension from earlier had faded, replaced by the simple joy of being together.
Eventually, they reached Kyle's car— more accurately, his dad's car— and slid inside. The engine began to hum as Kyle put the car in gear.
Kenny leaned head up against the window, watching the stars light up above. He rested one hand on Kyle’s, the other teen not making any move to remove it. It was nice, it was quiet, and with this quiet crept the previous troubling thoughts. Kenny’s brow furrowed, and the resting hand turned to a soft grip.
They arrived at the McCormicks soon after. Kenny opened the door and started walking towards the house. He paused and turned.
“Love you Kyle!”
But the car was gone, its faint rumbling in the distance.
He didn’t leave on purpose, did he?
No, no, of course not.
He loves Kenny.
Kenny loves him.
He just didn’t hear him, that's all.
But, why would he leave so quickly then?
Curfew duh, of course. Kenny was overthinking this so much.
It all makes sense.
It had to make sense. They both loved each other. That was enough. Right? Gay made sense. It had to.
Kenny threw himself onto his bed, about close to passing out. Before he could embrace the comfort of sleep however, his phone buzzed. Kenny grumbled to himself but begrudgingly took out the phone nonetheless.
Kyley-B 💚😘
Love you too Ken :•)
Kenny smiled brightly at the message.He typed a quick heart emoji in response before tossing his phone aside.
Of course they were fine. Everything was fine. Kenny was fine. Kyle was fine. He loved Kyle and Kyle loved him.
Although that night, the drops of doubt were starting to creep in. Stan’s concerns… Kyle’s quick sexuality crisis… There was a lot on Kenny’s mind.
It all came to a head on a seemingly ordinary Friday in the school cafeteria. Although more accurately, Kenny had noticed a concerning pattern occur in Kyle’s behavior that he only truly pieced together its scale on a seemingly ordinary Friday in the school cafeteria.
The main four sat at their usual table, the usual chatter of the cafeteria surrounding them. Kenny was joking around with his friends, although there was a part of Kenny that wasn’t fully in the moment.
Kyle laughed at something Stan had said and Kenny found himself hypnotized by the action. He watched as Kyle’s hand moved instinctively to cover his mouth which had landed somewhere in the awkward mid-between of open and closed. It was lively and it was natural and best of all, it was Kyle.
Eric quickly made a gagging noise, being the first to notice Kenny’s starry eyed expression. Kyle of course defended him, calling Eric a fatass and telling him to shut his fucking mouth. And they fell back into the usual rhythm.
Except Kenny’s mind was still on Kyle, just not for the previous infatuation just moments ago. Instead he was contemplating Kyle’s action.
When Kyle laughed, he held his hand up to his face, like a shield. When he yelled at Eric, he shot him a pointed finger, followed by the inevitable middle finger. But after that? His hand fell to the table, just inches from Kenny’s—but not touching. Not once.
Kyle knew Kenny was sitting next to him. After they started dating, Kenny made an effort to always sit beside him. And yet Kyle’s hand didn’t fall on Kenny’s. It was an action so simple, he wouldn’t even have to think about it. Kyle would just simply have to rest his hand mere centimeters to the right and there would be an overlap. So why weren’t their hands touching?
Kenny had to shake his head to clear his thoughts. He was overthinking things again. It had become a really unfortunate habit at this point and he hated it. What he really needed was a distraction. So he began looking around for anything he could to distract himself.
Fortunately a place like the school cafeteria was ripe for distraction galore. Everywhere he looked, there was some sort of frenzy. The floors squeaked sporadically with the steps of students' sneakers and the sound was cacophony of people yelling and silverware clashing. But as much as he tried to focus on the chaos, his gaze solely centered on the School’s IT couple, Tweek and Craig.
They were both seated next to each other at the table furthest against the wall, their usual spot during lunch. In all honesty they weren’t even doing anything remotely different. Which is what made Kenny’s current fixation on them so bizarre. Although Kenny didn’t hold any ill will towards Tweek or Craig, he also was never really obsessed with the two as a couple. Other than the story of how they started dating, everything about the couple was extremely boring. They kind of just did what any couple would.
Craig’s hand slid over to Tweek’s, intertwining their fingers with an ease that made Kenny’s chest tighten. Tweek proceeded to lean slightly on Craig’s shoulder in a move that was subtle yet intimate. Kenny couldn’t tear his eyes away. They’re actions were made with complete synchronicity. The couple’s hands squeezed against each other, causing Kenny to instinctively do the same. Only Kenny wasn’t holding anyone’s hand, so instead his fingers just curled in on themselves.
Craig made it look so easy to slide his hand within Tweek’s. Kenny could do that. Just slide his hand into Kyle. Kyle wouldn’t stop him. But then Tweek was the one that leaned in. Kyle doesn’t lean in. At least he’s never leaned into him. It’s always Kenny. And what about their hands squeezing together? Was it Craig? Was it Tweek? Was it both? Kenny could squeeze Kyle’s hand but would Kyle squeeze his?
He liked to think the answer was yes, but was it? Kenny had been doing everything, hadn’t he? It was always Kenny who reached out. Kenny who kissed his cheek, Kenny who hugged him tight. Kenny who said “I love you.” Not Kyle. Never Kyle.
Kyle would plan their dates but he was always in charge of doing that sort of thing. Back when they were just friends, Kyle was the one organizing events. Was he invested in their relationship or just being nice? Kyle had been the one to ask him out, but did that really mean anything? It had meant the world to Kenny but did Kyle feel the same? Has Kyle ever felt the same? Or was this all just… something that made sense, like Kyle said before. What if it was more than that for Kenny? What if he needed it to be more?
“Kenny?” the blonde’s head popped up seeing Kyle stare back at him, “Are you alright dude?”
Kenny blinked, pulled from his spiraling thoughts as Kyle’s voice cut through. The sincerity in Kyle’s eyes should’ve been reassuring, but it only deepened his confusion.
Maybe he could dump it out all right here. No Kyle, I’m not okay. I’m questioning whether or not you have feelings for me or if you’re just going out with me because it “made sense.” I’m struggling with the fact that I seem to be the only one treating this relationship like a relationship. And I’m starting to wonder if Stan was right when he said that we were jumping into this way too soon. Maybe you should’ve figured out yourself a bit more instead of jumping into all of this and taking me down with you.
“Yeah I’m alright. Just got stuck in my head,” Kenny replied. The words were very easy to say but very hard to believe.
“Are you sure?” Kyle’s worried expression faltered slightly, "Do you wanna talk about it?”
Yes.
“Nah, I’m good Dude. Let’s just get out of here. You’ve got Pre-Calc next right? We could walk together?” Kenny offered, using all his might to force out a casual tone. Based on Kyle’s shift in demeanor, it seemed to have worked.
Kyle's initial worried expression officially switched to one of relief. He was wearing a soft smile, one that Kenny absolutely adored.
They both stood up. Kyle stretched for a moment, his hands clasped and reaching upwards. When he was done, they once again fell directly to his side. Never once did they touch Kenny’s.
As they walked out together, Kenny spotted Tweek and Craig. Their hands were still entwined. Kenny so desperately wanted that. He could easily have it. All he had to do was slip his hand into Kyle’s and he wouldn’t object. But the blonde didn’t want to have to reach out again. He refused to always be the one having to reach out.
They walked together towards the pre-calc classroom, waving goodbye as Kenny continued towards English. Their hands never touched.
At that point Kenny decided that he had to talk to Kyle about this. So he decided then and there that they would talk later that night.
Movie night was the weekly event they had begun shortly after they first started dating, just the two of them. Every Friday after school they’d laugh at the some stupid b-‘o I’d schlop they picked, throw popcorn at each other, and occasionally end up tangled in blankets.
But tonight? Tonight felt different. They were about 45 minutes into the movie and yet Kenny couldn’t just turn his brain off for one second. All he could think about was the space between him and Kyle. How he could just so easily squeeze next to Kyle and pretend that everything was fine. But everything’s not fine, and they aren’t squeezed together because Kyle doesn’t initiate anything. It's always on Kenny, and he was tired.
After some hesitation, Kenny finally spoke up, “Hey dude, can I ask you something? It’s um, it’s kind of important.”
Kyle turned from the screen towards Kenny and immediately sensed that something was off. He paused the movie before directing his full attention towards Kenny.
“What’s up dude?”
Kenny took a deep breath and continued, “It’s just we… Well, we’ve been dating for a while now.”
“I know, can you believe it’s been 6 months already?” Kenny let out a pleasant hymn at that.
“I know right?” Kenny chuckled before he furrowed his brow, needing to get back on track, “Well since it’s been so long I think we should— well I’ve kind of wanted to ask this for a while now…”
Kenny slowly trailed off as Kyle tried to read his expression. After a moment the color of the ginger’s face matched his hair, “Dude! No way! Ike is home!”
“What?” Kenny was left confused before realizing the implication, “NO! No! Not that! I promise!”
“Then what?”
Kenny shifted uncomfortably, his fingers nervously playing with the hem of his shirt. “Look— it’s nothing bad, I don’t think… or something we can’t work through, but really we probably should’ve had this conversation two months back.”
“Ken, you're starting to freak me out here.” Kyle awkwardly chuckled at his boyfriend's rambles, trying and failing to appear nonchalant, “What is this exactly about?”
Finally Kenny blurted out, “Do you like me?”
“What?”
“Do you like me?” Kenny repeated, “Like, like-like me.”
Kyle sat in place for a few moments before a smile cracked through, “Pfft, dude seriously?” He cackled, “That’s the question you’ve been needing to ask me?”
“Just answer it.” Kenny huffed out.
“No Kenny, I just asked you to be my boyfriend because I was bored.” Kyle teased, his voice laced with sarcasm. “Of course I like you dude!”
Kenny gave a very forced chuckle, “Uh yeah… of course! Duh, I mean why would you…” He cleared his throat before speaking, trying to ease the tension now. “…yeah we should just finish the movie now.”
But as he reached for the remote to unpause the movie, Kyle suddenly pulled it away, “Kyle seriously?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Look I’m fine dude,” Kenny attempted to deflect his boyfriend's concerns, albeit very poorly. “I was just joking around okay? Now can we please—“
“You’re lying.”
Kenny immediately froze, his lips pressed together in a thin line, suddenly feeling very exposed. His eyes locked with Kyle’s for just a moment before dropping, his hands fidgeting in his lap. He really wished he was had his parka on, just so he’d be able to retreat into its comfort.
“Ken, please tell me what’s wrong.” Kyle leaned over more, his voice softer and laced with concern. “I can tell something is up. Did I do something?”
“No or I guess, kinda?” Kenny hesitatingly admitted. Though he quickly shrugged off the answer. “Look, it’s just really stupid, okay? So can we just drop it and watch the movie?
“Not until you tell me what’s going on.”
“Kyle seriously?” Kenny complained, “I just said it isn’t a big deal.”
“It obviously is if you won’t even tell me what it is!” Kyle countered, his voice softening as he continued, “Please Kenny, if I did something I want you to tell me. The last thing I wanna do is hurt you.”
The blonde put his head in his hands, just wishing desperately that his boyfriend would drop this. He regretted ever bringing it up in the first place.
“Oh Jesus, look dude you’re not hurting me okay?” Kenny groaned, “I don’t even think you’re doing it on purpose.”
“But I am doing something.”
Fuck, of course Kyle would pick up on that.
“It’s more like you’re not doing something.” He mumbled.
Kyle tilted his head slightly, “What do you mean?”
“It’s just…” the blonde hesitated for a moment, “you never initiate anything?”
Seeing the still puzzled expression on the ginger’s face, Kenny continued. “I mean whenever we do anything. Like when we’re out and being a couple y’know? I have to be the one to make the first move.”
Kyle’s brow furrowed in confusion, “I don’t understand. I always plan out our date.”
“Yeah, but you did that even before we were dating. I’m talking about the more intimate stuff like— kissing and cuddling and holding hands.”
Kyle's head tilted further, “But we do that stuff.” He was trying to understand what Kenny was talking about but nothing was quite clicking.
“Yeah, because I made the first move.” Kenny stated, a slight frustration evident in his tone. “You never just come up and hug me from behind or grab my hand when we’re walking. I always gotta do that stuff for you. Even when you asked me out, you didn’t give me a kiss or anything. You just said, ‘Will you go out with me?” and left. I had to chase you down and ask if I could kiss you.”
“And we did.”
“Because I asked! Not you, me!” Kenny blurted out. “Don’t you see the problem there?”
Kyle’s head shook with hesitant uncertainty. “I don’t understand. Did you not want to be kissed?”
“I did! I wanted to kiss you so badly, Kyle, that I ran down the hall to do so!” Kenny’s chest tightened, his voice rising with a mixture of irritation and sadness. “The problem is, I don’t think you wanted to kiss me!”
Kyle bit his lip, considering his next words, before finally confessing, “I didn’t not want to kiss you.”
What the hell?
Kenny’s attention immediately spiked at that. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what I said, Kenny.” Kyle hurriedly explained before continuing. “I’m really confused right now. What exactly am I doing wrong here?”
But Kenny didn’t answer. Not when he now had a question of his own.
“Kyle, did you want to kiss me that day?”
“I just said—”
“I know what you said dude, and I’m asking you again.” Kenny interrupted, his voice unwavering. “Did you or did you not want to kiss me after you asked me to be your boyfriend?”
Kyle sheepishly shrugged his shoulders, “I- I guess it depends.”
“Depends?” Kenny huffed. Honestly this conversation was beginning to frustrate him. “Depends on what?”
“What you wanted!”
Kenny stared at him, baffled. “What I wanted? You asked me out, Kyle!”
Kyle's face flushed at the point. “Yeah and I kissed you because you wanted it.”
“But did you want it?”
Finally it was Kyle’s deemed it his turn to be frustrated, “Why does it matter?”
“Because I want you to want to kiss me!” Kenny admitted, his voice cracking. “I want you to want to hold my hand and hug me. I want you to want that stuff just as much as I want it!”
“I do want it Kenny!” Kyle grabbed the blonde’s hands, holding them in an attempt to comfort the other. “I want to do everything you want to do!”
Kenny just shook his head, pulling his hands back. “But I don’t want that!”
“Then I won’t do that.”
“But I want to do it.”
Kenny felt the anger rising at Kyle’s words. What the fuck was he talking about? Why did it seem like nothing was connecting with his boyfriend's mind?
“So I’ll do it then!”
Finally, the blonde snapped. “DAMNIT KYLE STOP DOING THAT!!!”
The room froze as Kenny breathed, trying to collect his composure. Kyle just blinked back, caught off guard by the outburst. His eyes widened in surprise, but confusion quickly replaced his initial shock. His mind was still trying to wrap itself around what he’d done wrong.
“Stop what?”
“That!” Kenny shouted, his hand vaguely gesturing towards Kyle as if to emphasize his point. “Just doing things because I want it or ask for it. I don’t know why I’m always the one doing everything, why I always have to ask.” He really tried to stop, but the dam had been broken and it caused all the words to finally spill out. “Just tell me what it is that you don’t like. It’s not like we’re exactly anti-PDA here. You always hold my hand when we’re together, and we’ve made out at Stark’s Pond more times than I can count. You show me affection but I always have to pull it out of you! I just wanna know why Kyle. Why I’m the only one putting in the effort here.”
Kyle’s heart hammered in his chest. The words felt like a punch to the gut, but it was clear that Kenny was hurting, and the last thing Kyle wanted was to be the cause of it.
“You’re not—” Kyle paused. “ Look, I love you Kenny, and I’m so sorry that I made you feel like I didn’t. God I feel like such an asshole now.”
Kenny’s gaze softened at that. “You’re not an asshole dude. Well you’re not an asshole to me at least, half of the time.” He let out a light hearted chuckle, trying to ease the tension if only slightly.
Kyle smiled at that and Kenny matched his expression before continuing, his tone holding nothing but concern. “Can you just, please tell me what I’m doing wrong?”
“You’re not doing anything wrong Ken, I promise.” Kyle sighed. “I love you so much you could never do anything wrong.”
“Then why?”
The request was so simple yet so impossibly important. Kyle looked down, biting his lip as he wrestled with the words.
“It’s nothing you’ve done I promise,” he repeated before continuing, “it’s just when it comes to that stuff, I’m kind of just indifferent to it.”
Kenny blinked. That… wasn’t the answer he expected.
“Indifferent?”
He didn’t even understand how a word like could apply to something so personal.
“Yes..?” Kyle hesitated. “I, probably could’ve worded that better. I just don’t really care about it? No shit that’s even worse.” He let out a nervous laugh, trying to ease the tension. “Look Kenny. The reason I don’t start that stuff is because I just don’t feel any interest towards it, y’know?”
Kenny’s brow immediately furrowed, “No I don’t know.”
“Sorry, it’s just hard to think of the right words I guess.” Kyle ran a hand through his hair, letting out a frustrated sigh. Although he couldn’t articulate the words he wanted to say, it didn’t mean he didn’t want to share them. This was just… hard. “I just don’t really think about doing that stuff with you because I’m just- fine with them.”
Kenny kept quiet as he tried his best to understand Kyle’s perspective. Kyle continued, gesturing weakly toward the space between them. “Like, I don’t really care if we do that stuff or not. So I can sometimes forget that that’s something couples do. I didn’t think you had an issue with it, but obviously I was wrong. I promise to be better about it, and I can start initiating some affection if you’d like. What the fuck am I talking about? Of course you want that! That’s what this whole thing’s about.”
Kenny held his hands out and shook his head, his mind still processing the words, “Wait, so you don’t like those sorts of things?”
“What?” Kyle paused, his own confusion mirroring Kenny’s. “No, I just said I was fine with it.”
“You said you were indifferent about it.” Kenny bit back. “People who like to kiss and hug their boyfriends usually wouldn’t say they’re ‘indifferent’ to it.”
Kyle winced at the accusation. “I just meant I don’t feel anything towards those acts. I don’t like kissing you, but I don’t not like kissing you.”
Kenny’s head continued to spin. The whole thing was a mess but most of all.. he was beginning to feel rather hurt. “This is starting to sound like a really roundabout way of saying you don’t actually want to kiss me.”
“Dude no way!” Kyle’s head shot up in alarm. “How many times do I have to tell you, I’m okay with it!”
“But you don’t love it! And that’s what I’m asking for.” Kenny cried out. His chest tightened as the confession made its way out. “I love hugging you because it makes me feel safe and secure. I love holding hands because it makes me feel like we’re connected, like we’re tethered. And I really love kissing you because you got a sweet pair of lips and as cliché as it sounds, whenever our lips touch I can feel fireworks going off in my chest, but like the good kind, not the blowing up to bits out in the sky type. That’s why I’ll hold your hand, why I’ll hug you every chance I get, and why I make sure to kiss you everyday.”
Kyle stood there, his heart feeling a great mixture of surprise and affection. “And I love that. I love you, and I love knowing that that’s what you feel.”
The ginger reached his hand out but it was pushed away just as quickly. “But you don’t feel the same.”
“Why does it matter if I do?” Kyle asked, still confused about the growing distance between them.
Kenny shook his head, a swirl of disbelief and sadness settling in his chest. “Maybe Stan was right.” he mumbled before directing his gaze back to Kyle, “You rushed into this way too fast.”
Kyle’s face fell, “Kenny–” The ginger tried to reach out once more but was cut off by the other boy gathering his things.
“I’m going home Kyle.”
Kyle’s stomach sank, “But what about movie night?”
“You can finish it by yourself.” Kenny didn’t even look up as he zipped his parka back up. “I’m not interested anymore.”
“You were going to stay the night…”
Kenny just continued to ignore the other teen, packing up his bag and headed out the bedroom door. He was stopped momentarily by Kyle’s hand on his arm, but he just shrugged it off while continuing his exit.
“At least let me drive you back?” Kyle pleaded. “Your house is a mile away and it’s dark out–”
“I can walk,” Kenny interrupted. “I traveled through worse anyway.”
His words felt like a slap in the face that stung on Kyle’s cheek. It was awful. “Kenny, wait. Kenny. Kenny!”
But Kenny was already out the door. This didn’t stop Kyle, who ran out after him, not bothering to even put on his shoes. “I’m sorry Kenny– I didn’t– please don’t–”
“It’s fine Kyle,” Kenny sighed and turned to face Kyle, cutting off the other’s desperate pleas. “I just want to go home.”
The two of them stood there for a moment in the snow capped front yard. A painfully awful silence stood like a great chasm that neither was entirely sure of how to cross. Despite this, Kyle tried his best to build a bridge. The ginger spoke up,
“Are we still on for tomorrow?” The ginger spoke up, his voice soft and dipped with the slightest hint of hopefulness. “I got us a table at that one burger joint downtown. It’s not supposed to be good, but it’s right across from that one ultra-fancy place so we can make fun of those guys while we eat.” The smile on his face as he spoke would almost make some believe he was trying to tell a joke of some kind, but the facade was ruined by the sheen of desperation.
Kenny’s expression remained unchanged. The hopefulness in his own heart had become as cold as the snow he was currently standing in. Kyle’s smile dropped more and more with every second that passed.
“Kenny?”
Kenny sighed, his shoulders dropping as the grip on his parka strings tightened. His voice came out soft as he forced himself to turn away from the warmth of the Broflovski house. Turn away from the comfort of the way things were. Away from Kyle.
“Goodnight Kyle.”
Kenny walked away, the sound of crunching snow cutting through the otherwise silent night. He didn’t turn around. He couldn’t. If he did, he knew Kyle would still be there in the yard, frozen in place, and hoping that his boyfriend would turn back around. But of course he wouldn’t.
The snow under his feet seemed endless paired with the dark and silent cold. The buzz of his phone in his pocket broke through the quiet, vibrating over and over. But Kenny didn’t bother to check.
He was just so tired. Not only that, he felt awful. But not in a way he could exactly describe. At least not now when it was damn near midnight and he still had about 10 minutes of his walk left. He halfway considered just laying on the road and letting a car run him over, he always regenerated in his bed anyway so it’d be like going to sleep. Ultimately he decided against it, there weren’t any cars on the road at this hour. He’d just be laying on the road for naught.
Finally Kenny arrived home, walking past the grungy kitchen and his passed out parents on the couch. He just went straight to his room and fell asleep as soon as his body hit the mattress.
For the first time in 6 months, Kenny was reminded of just how unlucky his life is. Of how unlucky it had always been. And how unlucky it would stay.
“Ooookayy,” Eric spoke from over the phone, elongating his words as he gathered his thoughts, “So obviously there’s a lot to unpack here.”
Kenny sighed in resignation. It had been two days since he and Kyle had their argument. Despite being the one to walk away, Kenny was the one suffering. He had spent the whole weekend in a fog of self-pity, curled up in bed as he shut out the entire world. It wasn’t until Eric called him that Sunday afternoon that Kenny opened up. More specifically, it wasn’t until 25 missed texts, 30 missed calls, 50 more missed texts, and finally a threat to call the police on him that Kenny finally opened up.
“I shouldn’t’ve even said anything to him,” Kenny mumbled miserably, “I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. At least then I’d still have a boyfriend.”
“Oh don’t say that!” The silence was interrupted by a sweet and feminine voice. “Sharing your feelings is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship!” The slightly nasally tone was hopeful, but also unfamiliar.
Kenny pulled back his phone, very much confused by the very not Cartman voice, “Who…?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. I’m hanging out with Yentl today,” Eric said, “Say hi to Kenny Yentl!”
“Hi Kenny!”
“Hi Yentl…” Kenny fell back onto his bed, staring up at the cracked ceiling. “I guess that’s true, it probably was for the best that I told Kyle everything but it just… it all still feels wrong. Part of me thought that if I told him everything, maybe I’d be able to fix it y’know? But then he says these things and… I don’t know. I felt like an experiment or just an afterthought.”
Kenny let out a deep sigh and covered his face in his hands. Despite the silence, he could feel the concern radiating from the other end. Practically screaming at him.
“I don’t even think I really know how I felt. It just… wasn’t good,” Kenny confessed, “Maybe Stan was right. Kyle totally rushed into this.”
“Oh Kenny, you can’t let yourself think like that.” Yentl hummed on the other end, “Relationships are hard, and you had no idea how your conversation with Kyle was gonna go down. All you can do now is just focus on yourself, don’t hold yourself back by what happened.
“Thanks Yentl.” Kenny muttered, grateful for the advice.
“Of course Kenny!” Yentl responded, before turning her attention to her own boyfriend. “Hey, I was gonna heat up some of my Aunt Esther’s leftover cholent, you want some?”
“Of course I want some, that food was fucking delicious!” Eric chimed, his voice as loud and obnoxious as usual. “Hey you don’t mind if I stay and chat with Kinny a bit longer, do you?”
“Not at all, take as much time as you need!” Yentl said, her voice fading as she began walking away from the phone. “It was nice talking to you Kenny. I hope you feel better!”
“Thanks Yentl,” Kenny gave a little wave before remembering, with slight embarrassment, that he was on the phone. “Nice talking to you too.”
Kenny could hear Yentl give a small cheer in acknowledgement before the sound of footsteps walking away began, officially leaving him with just his friend on the other line.
“I still can’t believe that Yentl is your girlfriend dude.” Kenny exclaimed, “She’s so nice.”
“Yeah… she’s the best.” Eric purred before returning to his usual abrasiveness. “But also totally wrong. The last thing you wanna do is just let this go. You gotta fight for your man bitch! Not stand down!”
Kenny let out what felt like the umpteenth sigh of that evening. “I don’t know man, I kinda think she’s right. Kyle still had a lot to figure out and it’s probably best if he does that on his own.”
Eric’s opinion however, did not waver in the slightest. “Oh cut the bullshit Kinny,” he chastised. “Do you know how insufferable Kyle’s gonna be trying to figure this shit out on his own? Making him do that is probably the worst thing you could do.”
So Cartman maybe had a small point there. Kenny had to admit Kyle probably would get… philosophical… about this. But if it’s what he needed to do then he needed to do that. That wasn’t up to Kenny.
“It’s gonna alright Cartman,” Kenny lied, “Plus he really did just rush into all of this way too quickly, just like Stan said.”
“Stan, really?” Eric the disbelief evident in his voice, “Are we seriously taking romance advice from the guy who’s been on and off again with the same girl since we were ten? The same guy who would puke on her because he got nervous? Is that seriously who we want to be listening to?”
Ok, fine. As much as Kenny didn’t want to admit it, that was a pretty fair assessment. Stan definitely had been in a relationship the longest but that didn’t necessarily make him the best when it came to advice.
Eric sighed, “Look Kinny, you know the reason Kahl asked you out? It’s because he liked you. A lot. He liked you so much that he decided that he wasn’t gonna sit and wait around. He literally came out as gay and jumped out of a car just so he could be your boyfriend.”
“And maybe he shouldn’t have!” Kenny argued back sharply. “Look I know he technically came out for me, but I don’t know if he even really likes me. Fuck, he didn’t seem to know if he liked me! He doesn’t try to be affectionate, but he also said he doesn’t not want to be affectionate. He said he felt indifferent about the things we do, Cartman! Why the fuck would anyone say that? Why would Kyle say that?!”
“Because Kahl’s a fucking idiot Ken!” Eric shouted back, continuing his point with an irritated mutter. “Jesus, you’d think that after dating him you’d manage to figure that one out.”
Kenny sat there for a moment, really chewing on Eric’s words. He really missed Kyle and what his friend was saying did make sense. Still, there was that heavy weight of doubt making itself home at the bottom of Kenny’s stomach.
After a moment of nothing, Eric continued, huffing out his next point.
“Look, I’m not gonna sit here and pretend that I understand any part of what Kahl did. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know how your little fight went down. And sure, let’s say that Kahl did rush into this way too soon. Hell, that’s probably exactly what he did. However, I don’t think anyone would make those kinds of decisions if there weren’t some real feelings there. Even if he doesn’t have the words for it, there’s something there. And I think you know that too.”
At that moment, a phenomenon which only occurred once in a blue moon happened on that very call. A circumstance so rare that some, hell probably most, might even deem it to be impossible. Kenny himself had only seen it occur a handful of times, but there was no mistaking it at this very minute.
Eric Theodore Cartman was right.
“I need to get Kyle back.”
“FUCKING FINALLY!” Eric cheered, his voice so great that it peaked the mic on Kenny’s phone. “For a second there I thought I was gonna have to reserve a gymnasium for you two.” Eric rambled, “Do you know how much rent and catering cost Ken? ‘Cause it ain’t cheap.”
Kenny hung up the phone and quickly got to work. With a surge of energy and determination, he got up and shook off the exhaustion that had been holding him down this weekend. He threw his parka on and took out his phone, shooting Kyle a quick text.
we need to talk. Im coming over now
He took a good look at himself in the mirror. Honestly, he looked like complete shit but there was no time to worry about that. He had to talk to Kyle. So after dragging a few fingers through his hair, Kenny set off, now officially out of the house and on his way to make things right.
…Somehow.
A soft buzz came from Kenny’s pocket, the blonde immediately pulling out his phone.
Fatass
Thx 4 hanging up on m asshole 🖕
Kenny rolled his eyes at the text but sent a response back nonetheless.
Srry was in a rush
Thx for the hlp
Fatass
Yea yea jus go get ur man
And dont fck it up!
Kenny just gave a light snort at the message. Opening his phone he checked his other chats. Still nothing from Kyle. Kenny felt a slight hurt but quickly picked himself up. He was a man on a mission. A mission to hopefully get his boyfriend back.
The trek to Kyle’s house was by no means short, but at the moment it felt like a near impossible task. The road just seemed to drag on as the cold wind nipped at Kenny. It felt like an eternity before Kenny finally arrived at the front door. With a deep inhale, Kenny marched up the steps, knocked on the door and…
Nothing.
Frowning, he knocked again.
And again.
And again.
And about ten more times before he realized there was likely no one coming to the door.
“Well, fuck,” he muttered, a mist of frost leaving his mouth as he spoke. It wasn’t like he had a backup plan. If Kyle wasn’t home then Kenny was out of options.
His phone buzzed in his pocket. Pulling it out, he was greeted with a message from Eric, and an image attached.
Fatass
KahlRoomEntryPoints.png.
Use the brown ladder by the garage to get up there. But be careful, the 5th step is a lil loose.
Kenny stared at the message in complete shock before texting back.
dude wtf ???
y do u have this???
Fatass
If it helps, I have one for all u guys.
thats sm worse, y did u mke these???
Fatass
Omfg don’t u have a bf to win back? Get off my fckin back poorboy.
Kenny groaned, shoving his phone away. He didn’t want to acknowledge anymore of Cartman’s insane ‘Cartmanisms.’
Although he did see the ladder.
And the window did seem to be open just a crack.
Against any and all better judgment, Kenny found himself dragging the ladder over. It creaked under his weight as he climbed, and when he hit the fifth step, sure enough, it wobbled. “Goddamn it, Cartman,” he muttered, gripping the side of the house for stability before hoisting himself up onto the ledge.
The window wasn’t locked, thank god, and Kenny was able to push it open with little trouble. He looked inside and immediately took notice of Kyle.
The ginger was sitting on his bed, engrossed in some kind of schoolwork with headphones over his ears. Although, after getting the odd feeling he was being watched, he looked up and locked eyes with the very familiar intruder.
“…Kenny?”
Kenny stood silent for a moment before awkwardly waving at the ginger. “Hey Kyle.”
“What are you doing?”
“I feel like it’s pretty obvious.” Kenny answered, his hands vaguely referring to the area around him.
Kyle sighed, rubbing his temples before waving him inside. “You could’ve knocked, y’know?”
“I did.” Kenny responded, climbing over the window and landing on the ground with a soft thud. “Like, ten times.”
“Oh.” Kyle frowned. “Sorry.”
“Nah, it’s fine.”
Kyle closed his textbook and set various pencils and papers back into his backpack. Kenny hesitated, considering whether to sit beside him. But after everything that had happened, that felt… weird. Instead, he settled on the floor, crossing his legs.
Silence settled between them, thick and heavy.
Kyle cleared his throat. “So, uh… how have you been?”
“Good,” Kenny said automatically. “You?”
“Good.”
“That’s good.”
“Yeah…”
More silence. Kenny shifted uncomfortably. Kyle glanced at him before sighing. “Dude, you don’t have to sit on the floor.”
“Oh, yeah, I know,” Kenny said quickly. “I just thought— y’know— I mean, you’ve got a nice rug, so…”
Kyle gave him a look.
“Okay, I’m coming up.”
Kyle scooted over to make room, and Kenny climbed onto the bed, leaning back against the wall. It was still awkward as hell, but somehow… nicer.
Kenny took a deep. “I’m sorry about movie night.”
“It’s fine.”
Another heavy pause.
“I shouldn’t have walked away like that.”
Kyle tried shrugging the blonde off. “Dude, it’s fine. Really.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I mean… yeah, it hurt. Like, a lot. But I got to think about stuff, so that’s good.”
“Like what?”
“I guess… everything?”
Kenny could tell there was more, but Kyle didn’t seem ready to say it. So, instead of pushing, he changed the subject, giving Kyle an easy out. “So… how was the rest of Sleepaway Camp?”
“Oh my God, Kenny, that movie was awful.” Kyle groaned, rubbing his face. “And not even a so bad it’s good sort of thing. That movie genuinely sucked ass.”
“Damn.” Kenny tsked, the tension in the room starting to ease. “And here I was thinking I’d missed out on a cinematic masterpiece.”
“It was so bad, dude.” Kyle huffed. “Plus the killer made absolutely no sense.”
Kenny raised a brow, now settling more comfortably into the bed’s comforter. “Who was the killer?”
“Angela. The main chick.”
“Really?”
“Yeah! Apparently the reason she killed a ton of people was because she was actually a dude.”
Kenny blinked. “That’s really stupid.”
“It was a really stupid movie, Ken.” Kyle replied.
Kenny snorted at the other, an action that made Kyle break into a genuine smile. The air between them felt lighter. The fog still wasn’t clear, but it was easier to breathe. It felt… good.
Kyle’s smile soon faded, his expression shifting back to something more conflicted. This time, though, he didn’t stay silent. He had something to say.
“We’re still together, right?” Kyle asked hesitantly.
Kenny paused, really thinking about the answer. He wanted to say yes immediately, to push aside everything that had happened and go back to how things were before Friday. But that wasn’t right, was it?
“I don’t know,” Kenny admitted. “But we can be. Still together, I mean.”
Kyle nodded, a shy smile gracing his face once more. “I’d like that— A lot, actually.”
The two sat, in an only somewhat awkward silence before Kyle spoke up. “I’m sorry I got weird about it all.”
“You weren’t being weird.” Kenny comforted him before thinking a bit more about it. “Well, actually, you were, but it wasn’t like, bad-weird. More like a confusing-weird.”
Kyle chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, it was pretty confusing for me too.”
A short silence fell between them before Kyle spoke again.
“Hey, Kenny?”
“Yeah?”
“…Do you think I could, like, de-come out of the closet?”
Kenny couldn’t stop the cackle that left his mouth. “Dude, we’re publicly dating. I think it might be a little late for that.”
“Ha! Yeah, probably.” Kyle scoffed, giving a half-hearted laugh of his own. “It’s just… I had a lot to think about this weekend. And you were right— I might’ve jumped into all this way too fast. I’m sorry.”
Kenny immediately shook his head. “You don’t have to apologize for anything, Kyle.” He already felt like he fucked this up once before, he wasn’t going to do it again. “Look, I should’ve been more understanding. I won’t pretend that I understood what you were talking about, or that I even get it now. But I should’ve tried to. I just got so stuck in my own head about our relationship not feeling right that I completely ignored how right it felt. I don’t wanna do that again. I wanna be your boyfriend. I like being your boyfriend. And I wanna understand how you feel, even if I don’t fully get it.”
Kyle’s eyes paid rapt attention to Kenny, really ingesting the words Kenny said. They meant more to him than anything he could even describe. After a moment, he finally spoke up. “I’m not gay,” he confessed. “At least, I don’t think I am anymore. But I’m not straight either. I think I’m just… not anything.”
“Okay…” Kenny slowly nodded to himself, making an effort to really understand Kyle’s perspective. “So what does that mean?”
“I’m not sure.” Kyle hesitated. “But I think it explains a lot?”
“Like how you’re indifferent to romance?”
“God, I really need a better way to describe that.” The ginger cringed. “But yeah… that.”
“So… no romance?” Kenny asked carefully.
Kyle frowned in thought. “It depends. Maybe none initiated. At least not without me thinking about it first. But if it’s something you want, then I’ll do it.”
The blonde considered that. “Well… what do you want? In general.”
“I just want you to be happy being my boyfriend.” Kyle responded with full earnestness. “So… I think, affection-wise, I’ll do what you want, because I don’t really have wants in that regard.”
“Okay, I think I’m starting to understand.”
Kenny nodded slowly as he spoke but was met with a flat expression from the other teen.
“You don’t get it, do you?”
“Not at all, dude.”
Kyle let out a noise, halfway between a sigh and a groan. Why did emotions have to be so damn hard? “Alright. Maybe it’s kinda like… laundry?”
“Laundry?” Kenny blinked.
“Yeah, like, I don’t have a big thing about doing laundry. There’s nothing super exciting about it but I don’t hate it either. It’s just something to do. But I do it because I really like the outcome— I like having clean clothes, y’know?”
“So I’m the clean clothes?” Kenny questioned, the faintest hint of a smirk on his lips.
Kyle winced. “God, that sounded so fucking stupid, didn’t it?”
“It did.” He agreed. “But… I think I get it now. A bit.”
The ginger sighed in relief. “It’s okay if you don’t fully get it. I don’t even really get it. I mean… is it even possible for someone to just not experience anything towards affection?”
“Sure it is.” Kenny shrugged. “You just said that’s how you feel, so obviously it’s gotta be possible.”
Kyle turned to look at Kenny and everything felt perfect. “Thanks, Kenny.” He whispered. There was something soft in the way he said it. It made Kenny’s heart soar. “You’re an amazing boyfriend.”
“I know.” The blonde grinned causing Kyle to roll his eyes.
“Actually, never mind, I take it back. You’re the worst ever.”
“Nah, you already said I’m amazing, can’t take it back now.” Kenny cackled. “You’ll just have to live with the fact that I’m the best boyfriend forever.”
“I said amazing, not best.” Kyle scoffed.
“Yeah, but I’m the only guy you’ve dated, so that’s pretty much the same thing.”
Kyle let out an exasperated laugh before giving Kenny a light shove. They fell into a fit of giggles and for a while, the two sat there, teasing and bickering until the weight of movie night no longer felt so heavy.
Eventually, Kyle turned off the lights and the two laid next to each other under the covers just staring at the ceiling. Kenny decided to stay the night, borrowing some of Kyle’s pajamas. They were a little big on him, hanging loose against his thin frame, but they stayed on and that was good enough.
For the first time in days, Kenny felt content. He still didn’t fully understand Kyle’s feelings about romance. But neither did Kyle. For the first time… it didn’t matter. Maybe it never should have mattered.
Kenny felt a hand slip into his.
He glanced down, surprised. Kyle wasn’t looking back, his face still turned toward the ceiling. But his grip was firm and intentional. The gesture didn’t mean anything deep to Kyle. At least not in the way it did to Kenny. It was just a thing he did because Kenny liked it.
But for once, that didn’t bother the blonde teen. Not like it did before.
Because despite everything, they loved each other. Even if it was in a way that didn’t make sense. Even if it was a way that didn’t have the words to describe it. Even if it wasn’t easy to explain. The love they had was real.
Kyle gave his hand a small squeeze and for the first time, maybe in his entire life, Kenny McCormick felt lucky.