Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sun: Uncaring Monarch

• He uses bureaucracy to run the Solar System, having them need to submit requests in order to do anything substantial.
• He stays out of their business for the most part, but everyone respects his say and treats his word as the law.
• He really doesn’t care about orbits… or anything really, the Solar System is just something he HAS to run, so he does. 
• Rarely interacts with anyone unless they approach him.
• He thinks parties are stupid, and if a planet wants to host one they have to have a good reason. (And the Sun still won’t participate)
• Mercury used to try to talk to him, the Sun was so disinterested he just stopped.
• Of all the groups, the group he does favor the most is the dwarf planets, approving Pluto’s petition to leave the Planet Club and giving him free reign of the Kuiper Belt.

Mercury: Cocky, Chill Combo of Ganymede and Pre-Redemption Earth

• Very loud about his feelings, he could care less about being the smallest planet.
• He just kinda vibes, it doesn’t matter if he’s a planet or a moon or a dwarf planet. He’s just there to have a good time. 
• Recently being a planet has gotten a bit stifling so he’s tried to find an out by joining Pluto’s gang (they rejected him).
• Gets involved in everyone’s business.
• Wears sunglasses at all times because they make him “lit”
• If Mercury was a human, he wouldn't ever wear a shirt because he finds clothes "restrictive" (he likes showing off his assets! And giving Venus easy access!)
• Horrible with emotions. If someone was having a crisis he’d just go “nope, I’m out-” and dip. Says things that can be thoughtless at times (think pre-redemption Earth).
• Also definitely has an ego.
• He and Venus didn't get along back in their very, very early era, but they slowly became friends (despite their conflicting personalities) and later became romantically involved. (Mercury likes himself a big, pretty woman).
• He says “babe” a lot.

Venus: Sweetheart of the Solar System

• She’s happy with herself and her status in the Solar System, finding her orbit in between her lover Mercury and her "brother" Earth to be perfect.
  • She adamantly insists that she and the Earth are siblings.
• Very quick to check in on people, she likes to make sure people are doing okay and doesn’t like to see people upset.
• Enjoys collecting pigments and minerals to make makeup with.
• Trans-fem
• Open about her own feelings because she believes honesty is the best.
• Shows off her atmosphere because she thinks it looks pretty (and because it covers up her jagged surface.)
• Can be a bit TOO optimistic at times (think Anna from Frozen-) (“I’m gonna marry him, Earth!” “You can’t marry a planet you just met.”)

Earth: If Proto Never Died

• Annoyed by his life.
  • Only stays in his orbit because the Sun requires him to.
• Pretty smart, and kind of the brains and realism to balance out his sister’s heart.
• A lot like Proto-Earth tbh
• Jerk who is content to mind his own business, although he has a soft spot for his sister.
  • Thinks Mercury isn't good enough for Venus.
• In the past he tried to connect with his moon but Luna brushed him off at all attempts so he stopped. Now they just orbit without saying anything.
• The frequent target of Mars’ aggravation, but Earth gives zero craps.
• Content to go into the background, doesn’t want to be the center of attention or make a fuss.

Mars: Resident Bully

• Likes getting people riled up, he’ll just target whoever is closest and seems the most sensitive.
  • Earth and Venus he has tried to pester but they rarely respond in the way he wants them to. Mercury and Mars beef a lot but since Mercury has gotten with Venus he’s mellowed out, making him “less fun.”
  • Jupiter is always high out of his mind and Mars finds him pathetic, leaving him bored on what to do since the rocky planets aren’t fun.
  • The discovery of Ceres brought much joy to Mars’ life. When he heard there was a small, mild-mannered object in the asteroid belt he was over the moon, and frequently torments the other.
• He doesn’t consider himself to have moons. Phobos and Deimos rarely do anything so Mars ignores them and thinks they’re asteroids. And when he does notice them there is always the conversation: “Who the fuck are you?” “We’re your moons? Phobos and Deimos” “Wait what- no you aren’t you fuckin asteroids.” And then he proceeds to forget about them again.
• Secretly wants life because he thinks it break up the monotony of his existence. Plus Earthlings make damn good music.
• Loves heavy metal. Tries to have an irl mohawk via usage of Olympus Mons and buildup of lava (and using pigment he stole from Venus to make it purple.)
• Fucking LOVES purple! LOVES MOHAWKS EVEN MORE.
  • Challenges anyone who says his do is ugly. 
• Violence!
• Swearing!
• Always acts like he hates the Earth (and everyone really), but actually can be weirdly supportive at times. 

Jupiter: The Wash Out

• He took on a responsible role early on in the Solar System, trying to act as the “big brother.” But he was eventually included to comet dust by Planet X, and the two vibed, before Planet X and Saturn got into an argument that ended with Planet X getting yeeted into the Sun. Jupiter didn’t do anything to help and was complacent, and didn’t see the point in saying anything. 
• In response to the trauma he does drugs and has really just given up on life. 
• Saturn hates his guts because Jupiter is larger and born first. Early-Jupiter argued back in response, but Jupiter now is so out of it he doesn’t even care about Saturn’s retorts.
• He has moons… he thinks. Maybe. He never talks to them (unless it’s to offer them drugs when he’s extra-doped up, or when he's in a partying mood). And many have left his orbit to do their own thing as a result. 
• Shitty with names. And facts.
• The rocky planets think he is a joke.
• Doesn’t see the point in trying hard because he is the biggest, thus the Sun needs him and won’t get rid of him. Talks down to smaller objects, but it’s not intentionally malicious. 

Saturn: The Meanest Planet in the Solar System

• At the very beginning, when there was only the Sun, Jupiter, and Saturn, Saturn was the smallest. And he hated it. He was grateful for the ice giant and rocky planet formations in that sense.
• Planet X called him out on his bitterness and jealousy. Planet X was then yeeted into the Sun.
• Uses any opportunity to elevate his status, loves pushing others around and knocking them down in order to make himself “better.”
• Jealous of Jupiter for his size. Jealous of Uranus for his relaxed personality.
• Uranus got rings first. Saturn saw them and went “you know what bitch-” and ripped up the first moon who looked at him funny (sorry Chrysalis) so he could outdo him.
• Saturn purposefully degrades Jupiter so if Jupiter ever spilt anything everyone would doubt the gas giant’s credibility.
• Knows all of his moons despite having so fucking many. He picks one each week as his “least favorite moon” and tears into them in every way. The ones that cry he keeps in mind for future reference.
• Frequently threatens to kill his moons.
• Despite Saturn’s abuse many of his moons like him and actively try to garner his respect but Saturn isn’t having any of that.
• So far the only moons he has any respect for include Rhea and Tethys, who Saturn seems himself in to an extent (although Rhea can be a bit too combative at times.)
• MAJORLY hates Titan because the moon’s size and atmosphere takes attention away from Saturn to this “possible-future Earth.” Titan doesn’t even want life but Saturn doesn’t care. 
• Titan left and usually hangs out with the Jovian moons (since Jupiter doesn’t pay any attention to his moons and gives them free reign.)
• Does not care about atmosphere care and thinks self care is for PUSSIES. He likes his rings not because they make him “pretty” but because they make him scary when you realize where they came from.
• Has beef with literally every planet. Call Mercury pathetic for his size. Thinks Venus is a try hard. (Also Vercury is gross). Annoyed by the Earth being “special” despite the Earth not even wanting to be. Frequently gets into arguments with Mars, who Saturn thinks has too much ego for his size (the two are banned from being around each other.) Jupiter is pathetic. Uranus is too fucking confident and one of the most well-liked planets (Saturn is jealous). And Neptune… Saturn usually just forgets about Neptune, but when he remembers he thinks the dude is a fucking asshole since Neptune always acts like a know-it-all.

Uranus: Fun-Loving Clown

• Thinks his name is fucking HILARIOUS. He originally was named “Caelus” but when he heard about the Earthling’s Greek equivalent he went nuts and was like “SIGN ME THE FUCK UP.” Argues with anyone who says it’s pronounced “Ur-in-us.”
• Will tell Uranus jokes any chance he gets, to the annoyance of nearly EVERYONE
• Joke? Uranus is a joke. He loves being a joke.
• Not Australian, speaks in the most Standard American English voice ever.
• He’s a chill guy, but the word “mate” actively triggers him for no discernable reason.
• Despite his clowniness, he is very intuitive when it comes to his moons. They have a really good relationship (especially Titania, who brought over her girlfriend Europa for Uranus to meet.)
• Taught Umbriel how to perform.
• Has learned how to do the ice-giant shifting thing that SolarBalls Neptune does and does it for the bit (he loves making himself shaped like ass cheeks.)
• Likes his current orbit, doesn’t care much for drama. 
• Tries to reach out to his brother-cousin Neptune frequently, although Neptune usually pushes him away. That doesn’t stop Uranus from returning though.
• Well-liked but doesn’t really care, he’s just there for a good time and will talk to anyone.
• Saturn hates his guts but since they orbit so close together Uranus frequently bothers him, although Uranus never sees it as such (and just doesn’t care.)
• Horrible at art. Atrocious color combinations.
• Can not shut up.
• Got coked up one time with Jupiter and accidentally ran into a surfacefirst into a giant-Earth sized object and now it sideways (and thinks it’s fucking hilarious)

Neptune: Cold and Bitter (Planet X is that you?)

• Did not want his orbit. But he lost a game of rock, paper, scissors to Uranus and has been bitter ever since.
• He spends his time thinking about how he will one day craft the ultimate rock paper scissor game and get revenge on Uranus once and for all.
• He has moons. But he couldn’t give a fuck about them because he’s so busy plotting R E V E N G E.
• As a result the gremlins are off to do their own thing. Which is usually torturing Triton (who does not have sunglasses, although all of Neptune’s other moons do.)
• Triton was a dwarf planet who left and asked Neptune if he could “pleasepleaseplease” be his moon (he thought Neptune was fucking AWESOME), Neptune said “no” but Triton stayed and now Neptune is stuck with him.
• Triton loves the small, demonic Neptunian moons with all his core and lets them abuse him because that’s what family does <3
• Neptune’s other moons think Triton is a fucking loser.
• Neptune watches the events of the Solar System unfold and plots how he’ll use them in his masterplot to best Uranus in rock, paper, scissors
• Neptune hates Uranus who is seemingly oblivious to Neptune’s loathing… although Neptune thinks Uranus is just trying to get the jump on him.
• Knows all the Solar System tea, but stays in his own corner and refuses to participate. He does like watching the drama unfold though.
• Does not shift like SolarBalls Neptune does because Rev! Neptune thinks it’s fucking weird. He does have his irl color though, rather than SB’s vibrant blue because he thinks that it doesn’t go with his vibe.
• The wet cat brother-cousin to Uranus’ golden retriever. A black cat who is hoping to push the golden retriever off a roof.
• Might be as powerful as SB! Neptune but is unaware and NOT enlightened. SB! Neptune can use him as a conduit between realities though, but Rev! Neptune is unaware.
• Respects Uranus’ name change because it’s not his fucking business (he may hate the guy but he has STANDARDS.)

Chapter Text

Theia: Owes A Lot of Child Support

• Was already hesitant about the Solar System when she found out rocky planets could have life, but her one night stand with Proto and the subsequent Luna born as a result was the last straw.
• She said “fuck this, I’m out” and left the Solar System, running off to get space milk.
• Total pessimist. “The future is dark and cold and dead.” “Theia, I just asked what kind of sandwich you wanted-”
• Played with a lot of asteroids (and got high off some of them) with Mercury, because she didn’t give a shit about her surface.
• Proto would always talk about wanting life but Theia was like “fuck. No. I’m not a mommy.” 
• When Theia left Proto started hating the idea of life as well, blaming it (and himself) for her leaving, and subsequently dropped the “Proto” to become “Earth” because he wanted to be someone different, he stopped caring (current Rev! Earth has adopted a lot of Rev! Theia’s traits.)
• Runs a McDonalds at the rest stop between the Solar System and the Alpha Centauri System

Planet X: Tragic Victim

• Was friends with Jupiter and the two frequently got high together. 
• Planet X could be a bit reckless but Jupiter would try to reign him in (since this was before Jupiter gave up on life.)
• Disliked the way Saturn treated Jupiter… and everyone really. During a particularly impulsive moment he called Saturn out, things got messy and he got tossed into the Sun as a result.
• It was an accident on Saturn’s part and the gas giant is horrified, but refuses to admit it. He’s also scared he will be found out and how the Sun will react if he does.
• If Planet X was alive he’d forgive Saturn because Planet X was all about forgiveness.

Ceres: Mild Mannered Stanford Professor

• Teaches Physics and Philosophy at Stanford (don’t ask how-)
• Does NOT eat paper. Is horrified by the idea of anyone doing so. Paper is for READING not for EATING!
• Has a british accent.
• Lives in the asteroid belt but doesn’t like it… they find asteroids creepy.
• Is also scared of the dark.
• Usually a really chill person who you can have tantalizing conversations with about any topic.
• Never actively tried to join the Dwarf Planet group, but they got a letter in the mail saying “WE DONT WANT YOU! FUCK OFF YOU ASTEROID!” and Ceres took it as such.
• Due to this and their orbit, they are viewed as a possible ally by the moons in the war efforts. Although it has been hard to recruit Ceres due to their distaste in violence (and Charon scares them.)
• Close friends with Venus and briefly acted as her moon, before the Sun said “no” and sent Ceres back to the asteroid belt.
• Lives in fear of Mars, who orbits close to the asteroid belt and whenever he’s bored he’ll go in there to torment them.

Pluto: Dopeass Mafia Boss

• He was a planet, but it started to get too lame for him (all the other planets are boring and on the same plane) so he petitioned the Sun for him to leave the Planet Club to start his own Dwarf Planet Gang.
• The Sun agreed, but only because Pluto was able to argue that they should come up with a rigid definition for a planet… which included clearing your orbit.
• This definition also maybe intentionally excluded Mercury from the Dwarf Planet Club but that’s because Pluto doesn’t like his vibes (please dude, put on a shirt.)
• Charon was not happy about this change, wanting to orbit a real planet. So she left. Pluto was originally hurt because he didn’t even see her as his moon, but as his dance partner/double planet, but he filled that sadness by recruiting other dwarf planets into his gang.
• Mercury recently petitioned to join the Dwarf Planet Gang, Pluto said “No, you’re ugly.”
• The Dwarf Planet Gang is exclusive™, he heard whispers about a dwarf planet in the asteroid belt and said “No. Not one of us.” because he didn’t want to let in a foreigner who is half-asteroid (Pluto is xenophobic and hates immigrants).
• His actions have caused some moons to form a group of their own (lead by Charon) to become planets, which Pluto finds stupid because who even wants to be a planet? 
• He hates the South. And people who say “Y’all.”
• Charon and her moon gang have been spending A LOT of time in the Kuiper Belt, which is dwarf planet turf. So Pluto thinks they gotta go.
• He smokes 8 packs a day. And if he was a human he’d have buzzed hair and wear a pimp coat.
• He will cut you up and feed you to the fishies.
• He put his faith (and once his love-) in Triton and the other betrayed him (to become a moon). Triton is dead to Pluto and Pluto will never love again.

Haumea: Violent Right Hand Man

• He loves using his rings and wideness to intimidate others.
• He hates dumb questions (and subsequently hates Makemake.)
• He tells everyone his rings were from someone who pissed him off too much (it’s actually just donut powder.)
• Secretly planning to betray Pluto to the moons, in exchange for becoming a planet.

Makemake: Dumb, Low Level Underling

• No thoughts, head empty. He does whatever Pluto asks with little question.
• He doesn’t even know what they’re fighting about.
• Is frequently paired up with Haumea because Makemake cannot be trusted alone.
• Haumea has suggested the possibility that he is hollow and doesn’t have a core.
• When he does realize Haumea is insulting him, he’ll get on the defensive.
• The word “science” sends him running for the hills.

Eris: Cheerleader!

• She’s just happy to be here!
• She was alone until Pluto showed up, and he asked her to join her gang and of course!!!!
• She does whatever is asked, no questions asked, and she’s Pluto’s real right hand.
• “We all did great, guys!” “We lost the fight and Haumea is wounded.” “But we did it together! That’s the real win!”
• She gets excited around new people, because either new friends or she gets to tear them limb for limb, and both are fun!
• Can get manically violent to nearly the degree of Solarballs! Ceres.
• A bit dense. She sometimes doesn’t see that she’s annoying Pluto.
• Haumea thinks she’s fucking annoying.

Chapter Text

Luna: Sullen, Rebellious Teen with Mommy Issues

• Blames Earth for the absence of Theia (who Mars lore dumped about one day just be an asshole), and wishes he orbited her instead. He knows Theia didn’t want life and wonders if Earth’s life is part of why she hasn’t come back.
• Hates life as a result, although he found it kinda stupid beforehand.
• Thinks Earth is weak for not leaving his orbit, because who cares what the Sun says.
• Find the Earth bland and wishes he got the “fun parent.”
• Earth tried to connect to Luna in the past, but Luna said: “If you want to make me happy, shut up or hurl yourself into the Sun.”
• In general he finds the hierarchy of planets stupid and doesn’t get why he has to orbit the Earth since Luna is not that much smaller. 
• After an argument with Earth he left for a bit, where he met Charon. The two of them started the Moon Alliance and are working to go against the planets (and dwarf planets) to become planets of their own. He goes back to orbit the Earth in order to gather intel and to avoid suspicion.
• Wants to be a planet because maybe if he is he’ll be good enough for his mom to come back.
• Hates being called “Luna” because it’s just an Earthling way to say “Moon.” He’s a fucking moon so just call him “Moon.” 
• This won’t make sense if he succeeds and becomes a planet but he doesn’t card.
• DESPISES SolarCards. With all his heart. Thinks it’s a cash grab and hates how he’s depicted. It’s one of the few things he will actively say he dislikes more than the Earth.
• Has a “far side” who is really sweet and wants to talk to the Earth, but the few times they’ve tried Luna has quickly shot that shit down and gaslit the Earth into thinking it was some joke. 
• Far side isn’t allowed to come out because it ruins his image
• Threw a fit when the Earthlings landed on him.

Phobos and Deimos: Tired, Middle Aged Men (who just want to retire/die)

• Usually spend their time sleeping.
• Kind of just mutually agree with each other on everything because who has energy to argue?
• When they do talk it's slow and monotone.
• Don’t care about any of this bullshit.
• Luna roped them into the war, dragging them from their orbits while they were sleeping. They went along with it because they were promised SolarCards to complete their collection by Eris (to Luna’s horror) and because they needed a ride back (and they just wanted Luna to take them because no way were they moving all that way by themselves.)
• Couldn’t care less about Mars. They mostly just find him annoying because his constant rages and heavy metal makes it hard for them to sleep.
• Mars also sometimes accidentally dyes their surfaces purple when tending to his mohawk.
• They think his mohawk is mid. And that Mars is mid.
• Know they’re eventually doomed and really just waiting for the end. (And hoping it comes soon.)
• Wishes they were asteroids sometimes because then they wouldn’t have to deal with living.

Ganymede: Gentle Giant

• Soft spoken, he’s scared of ending up like Jupiter (or even worse, Saturn) since he’s the largest of the moons.
• He’s happy with being a moon, and actively tries to listen to the smaller moons who often go unheard.
• Really sensitive, if someone gets mad at him he will cry.
• Is convinced he has hands.
• Does NOT want violence.
• Is dating Titan, although he questions how that is sometimes. But Titan just loves how sweet he is.
• Titan, while Ganymede hides behind him: He asked for no pickles.
• Gave Titan a home when the moon ran away from Saturn.

Callisto: Chaos Incarnate

• Girl has zero chill and WAYYYYY too much energy.
• There for chaos and chaos alone. If there is something she can say that will set someone off she will say it. 
• Thinks Triton is a fucking loser.
• Likes spending time with Io because he’s so easy to get riled up.
• Has all her craters because she will challenge literally anyone to asteroid dodgeball (but kinda sucks at it.)
• Likes to cause chaos, chuck asteroids, AND laughs maniacally a lot… is she SolarBalls! CERES?!?

Io: Explosive Hypochondriac

• DO NOT FUCKING COUGH ON HIM!
• Or touch him. He doesn’t know where your surface has been.
• Terrified of getting sick (he used to get sick a lot when he was younger and it finally stopped, but he’s terrified that if he catches something again his volcanoes will go crazy and he won’t stop.)
• Definitely immunocompromised, and avoids illness like the plague.
• When he heard about Ganymede and Titan they had to talk him down from being worried about AIDS, because bro is highkey homophobic. (NOT ALL GAY PEOPLE HAVE AIDS IO, AND NOT ALL PEOPLE WITH AIDS ARE GAY!)
• Thinks Ganymede is a sissy.
• Having to orbit so close to Jupiter makes him have a low tolerance for any bullshit.
• Takes everything literally.
• Zero chill. Constantly freaking out and yelling at someone.
• Scared of children. Even more scared of the asthma.

Europa: Makemake as a Lesbian

• She just kinda abandoned Jupiter’s moons to hang out with her gf Titania.

• Forgot the little moons existed tbh. But they’ll probably be fine.

• Wears glasses, geeking out about everything.
• Especially obsessed with Titania’s weird sister Miranda, who she finds a scientific curiosity.
• Ignores all drama in favor of hanging out with Titania.
• Finds the moon war against the planets (and dwarf planets) stupid, she just doesn’t see the point.
• Valley girl voice is gone, replaced with a higher-pitched squeaky voice.
• Triggered by the word “like.”

Titan: Saturn’s Disappointment

• Left Saturn after the planet’s constant abuse and berating due to his size and atmosphere that he DIDN’T EVEN WANT!
• Saturn was also highkey homophobic when he found out about Titan and Ganymede.
• All the other Saturnian moons were sad to see him go. But he keeps in touch with them and they regularly send letters/meetup.
• Doesn’t want to be like Earth. Life looks annoying and painful. He and Earth have had (rather cordial) discussions about this, which left Titan even more sure he doesn’t want life.
• Content to just vibe, doesn’t want to get sucked into any drama. He thinks Earth’s moon is whiny, and doesn’t get why Luna acts like that since Earth isn’t abusive like Saturn is.
• Dating Ganymede, who Titan will protect with his whole core. Stands up for him and beefs with Io often as a result. 
• Doesn’t care about his status. Even though he is one of the most poorly treated moons.

Enceladus: Silly Salad Man

• He has a Spanish accent.
• He really likes salads. Something he bonds with Tethys over.
• He wants to be called Ensalada but everyone forgets that :( 
• He also wants to be president.
• He thinks Saturn is just misunderstood.
• He is frequently seen wearing a salad costume.

Dione: Saturnian Sweetheart

• Soft spoken, she often tries to keep the peace.
• Afraid to tell the truth because she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Rhea: Badass Gladiator

• Snarky queen who doesn’t take shit, as Saturn’s second largest (first largest now that Titan left) she has taken over.
• One of the moons disillusioned by Saturn, thinks any of the moons who try to vie for his love are delusional.
• Started a fighting ring (with Tethys) as a way for moons to come together and prepare for whatever future chaos is to come.

Iapetus: Sensitive Soul

• Kinda dumb.
• Cries about everything.
• Embarrassed about his surface being two distinct colors.
• Just wants to make Saturn-senpai happy.

Tethys: Violent Vegan

• LOVES drama. And loves violence even more.
• Used to be part of the moon brawl ring with Rhea, but then Arbys happened.
• The Sun signed a petition for an Arbys to be opened, despite Tethys (and Ensalada’s) rallies against it. Arbys has the meat and Tethys hates meat. 
• As a result of this policy disagreement, Tethys has lost all faith in the system and joined the moon gang as a result.
• He and his bro Oberon take their anger out by chasing after and attacking dwarf planets, and just doing whatever Charon asks tbh.

Mimas: Trekky

• Thinks Star Trek is the best.
• Only talks about Star Trek.
• Forces everyone to watch Star Trek.
• Cares about little else other than Star Trek.
• Thinks Star Wars is unrealistic.

Titania: Uranus’ Most Loyal Moon

• Team Uranus all the way!
• Refuses to join the moon war because why would she?! Uranus is great!
• Doesn’t gaf about the other Uranian moons.
• Frequently spotted bringing her girlfriend Europa to Uranus’ comedy shows to hype the dude up.
• Will fight anyone who says Uranus isn’t the best planet.

Ariel: Pissed Off Emo

• Always angry about something.
• Has beef with Rhea because Rhea beat her in a fighting match and now she wants a rematch.
• Thinks Uranus is pathetic. Thinks Titania’s loyalty is even more so.
• Covers herself in dark makeup (from Venus) because she thinks her surface ruins her rep.
• Has fought children before.

Umbriel: Pop Singer who Shines

• Got the performers genes from Uranus
• Her singles are constantly #1 on Spaceify
• Covers herself in glitter and does Lady Gaga level performances
• Is she singing? Is she not? We’ll never know. (There have been several allegations about her lip synching, allegations that were followed by Ariel murdering the complainers.) 

Oberon: Mr. Senseless Violence

• Joined the moon gang just because he wanted to fuck shit up.
• He hazes every new moon discovered by blindfolding them and leaving them alone in the Oort Cloud.
• Thinks Uranus is fucking annoying. And is pissed off at Titania.
• Also homophobic.

Miranda: Frankenstein’s Moon

• Lives up to the Earthlings descriptions of her being like “Frankestein’s monster”, she is unpredictable and sometimes volatile.
• Like how her jagged surface seems to be made up of several pieces, Miranda cycles through different personalities. 
• Also can talk to the dead?
• Kind of that “weird girl in the corner” who nobody gives enough credit, but is seriously powerful.
• Is watching SolarBalls with us.

Triton: Neptune’s Loser of a Fan Boy

• Has always looked up to Neptune, hearing about the planet as a dwarf planet since Neptune orbits so close to the Kuiper Belt. He found the planet’s influence over the Kuiper Belt inspiring. He left the dwarf planets (and Pluto) to become one of Neptune’s moons.
• Long ago he petitioned Neptune to make him a moon in the past but Neptune said no… so in a fit of rage (and with hope that if Neptune didn’t have any other major moons, he’d want him), he destabilized the orbit of Neptune’s forming moons, killing them.
• Neptune still didn’t want him, oddly enough.
• Triton, after killing Neptune's moons: NOTICE ME SENPAI!
• Pluto and him got into frequent fights when they were together because Pluto felt like Triton cared more about Neptune (someone who doesn’t even want him!) than Pluto.
• Triton eventually tried again, Neptune said no again, but Triton stayed. Eventually developing an orbit so Neptune couldn’t really get rid of him. 
• Neptune theoretically could kill him, but thinking of murder requires him to think about something other than plotting revenge against Uranus for that rock, paper, scissors match. And Neptune isn’t doing that.
• Neptune also just doesn’t care that much.
• All the other Neptunian moons think Triton is an outsider and a wannabe, and they bully him as a result.
• Triton stays because HE STILL GETS TO BE NEPTUNE’S MOON!

Proteus (+ Rest of Neptune’s Moons): Gangsters

• Violent gangsters who love abusing and beating up Triton.
• They all wear sunglasses.
• Hate friendship. And friends. And even each other.
• They would not hesitate to stab one another in the back.
• Got a love of revenge from Neptune, but they aren’t attached to their planet and prefer to do their own thing.
• Swear frequently. Will call you slurs.

Charon: Most Traitorous Moon

• When Pluto wanted to leave the Planet Club Charon thought he was being stupid, and warned him that if he did leave she would leave him. (She was already a moon of a planet, so she was looked down on. Imagine how nonexistent she would be if she was the moon of a dwarf planet.)
• Pluto left anyways, and Charon did as she said and left him.
• She realized with the system of inequality the Sun set up that maybe there was a way to make change, and when her petition to become a planet was denied (due largely because of Pluto’s definition of a planet) she decided to take another direction.
• She hides out in the Kuiper Belt, gathering moons together to make a moon army, hoping to protest for a status as a planet.
• Not against violence towards planets, and due to Pluto’s group interfering with her recruitment activities (and chasing them from the Kuiper Belt on numerous occasions) she is very pro–dwarf planet violence.
• Tethys and Oberon are fucking insane but she keeps them around because this is the kind of energy she needs.
• Looking to recruit Ceres for the cause because of their proximity to the inner planets and insider's knowledge. Ceres is scared of her.
• Happy to have Luna/Moon as a partner, who has his own separate beef with his planet, although she sometimes questions his commitment to the cause.

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