Work Text:
“I screwed up… I screwed up… I screwed up…”
Oliver watches him, at a loss for what to do besides wrap the blanket tighter around the freezing man. He had removed Connor’s smoke filled jacket as soon as he came inside, and dragged him over to the couch. The man underneath was shivering and silent. The wide eyed panic was starting to fade, though bits of it were still visible. Tears continue to stream down his face as he gasps softly, still struggling to calm his quick and uneven breaths.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“Connor…” Oliver starts, but doesn’t even know what to say next. There are so many questions he wants to ask. The man that he kicked out of his life over a month ago, suddenly shows up at the crack of dawn, looking a ragged mess, clearly having some sort of panic attack. What exactly is he supposed to do right now? “Connor… what the hell happened last night?”
The other man shakes his head. His hands shake as well as he tries to pull the blanket tighter around himself. Briefly, Oliver wonders if he’s still cold.
“I screwed up so bad…”
Oliver swallows the lump in his throat. A certain connotation results from that simple statement. But he has a feeling Connor isn’t talking about them–about the event that ended their past relationship. So something else must have happened. He hesitantly scoots closer on the couch. Maybe it’s to be comforting, maybe it’s to get the other man to open up. But either way, the voice in the back of his head tells him he’s making a big mistake.
“I shouldn’t have come here,” Connor whispers. “I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have brought you into this.” His breath hitches. “You don’t deserve this.” He takes another ragged breath as Oliver throws his hands out, gripping the other man’s arms.
“Connor, calm down… it’s okay,” he tries to say soothingly.
But Connor shakes his head frantically and the tears continue to stream down his face. “You’re so good,” he mumbles between shaky breaths. “You’re so good. You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve my crap. I shouldn’t be here…”
Oliver steadies himself, preparing for the possibility that the other man might try to take off at any second, but Connor stays put. He bows his head, crying softly, and continues to take quick, uneven breaths.
“I’m guessing you haven’t slept all night.”
A moment passes, Connor finally looks up. He looks so tired, so broken and wretched. It’s not a look Oliver has ever seen on him before. Connor finally gives a small shake of his head.
“You should get some sleep,” Oliver says softly. “Things will feel better after you sleep.”
Connor seems to visibly deflate in front of him. The tears seem to have stopped, and he finally quiets down. But he doesn’t move for a while, instead he sits hunched on the couch, arms tightly wrapped around him, and stares blankly at the coffee table in front of him.
Oliver watches him, not sure what to do. Another moment passes, and the other man just sits, zoned out and completely out of it. He starts to get concerned.
“Connor?” He gives his arm a small shake. “Connor?”
“I ruined it,” he finally murmurs softly. “I ruin everything. I shouldn’t be here… because I’ll ruin you too…”
“Connor…” Oliver licks his dry lips. “What happened tonight?” He tries again.
“I can’t,” Connor whispers. He finally turns to look at him and Oliver can see sparks of panic in his eyes. “I can’t tell you. I can’t–” He breaks off, pulls his arm out of Oliver’s grasp and pulls his knees up to his chest.
Oliver’s eyes widen at the sign of yet another panic attack.
“Connor! Connor, calm down! It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything.” He gently wraps his arms around the other man, pulling him closer. Connor’s hair tickles his nose, and the man buries his face in his neck. Oliver hesitates at their sudden closeness. But he doesn’t pull away. He just holds him as Connor tries to get his breathing under control again. “Just take a deep breath, slowly… slowly… It’s okay. It’ll all be okay, I swear. Slow breaths… that’s it…”
“I’m so sorry,” Connor whispers after a moment, when he’s finally stopped gasping and shaking. “Why are you doing this? Why are you being so nice to me?”
Oliver chews on his bottom lip as he asks himself that same question. Honestly, he’s not sure why he’s doing it. By all means, he should hate the guy. But he doesn’t. And he can’t. “I mean… you’re kind of falling apart here. What kind of person would I be if I kicked you out right now? You-you’re kind of freaking me out, Connor.”
The other man nods slowly, but doesn’t otherwise move.
“You should get some sleep,” Oliver whispers. “I’ll wake you in a little bit, I promise.”
“You’re so good,” Connor murmurs against him. His voice starts to sound a bit sluggish, like he’s about to drift off. Subconsciously, Oliver tightens his grip around the man in his arms.
“You’re so good… I’m sorry… that I ruined us too.”