Chapter Text
His anxiety only seemed to get worse after that night.
It was nerve-wracking and infuriating how Pluto’s recent interaction with Eulalie continued replaying in his exhausted, substance-addled mind. Shuddering ever so slightly, he sighed tiredly, holding onto his pillow tight and curling into it. The emotions he was experiencing in his desperate attempts to unwind were extremely intense and suffocating, and the fact that he could still hear her voice was unbearable.
Pluto’s heart felt like it was on fire. It couldn’t be possible that he’d fallen in love with Eulalie. He was pretty sure that this wasn’t what that was supposed to have felt like. If that’s even what falling in love was supposed to feel like, anyway. He didn’t understand why he craved Eulalie’s presence while also wishing to avoid her completely. It wasn’t like him to feel this way about anyone. He wasn’t the type of man to give a fuck about much, especially after all that he’d already been through.
Yet, there was just something about the girl’s lingering energy that had suddenly set Pluto’s darkened soul completely alight. The memory of Eulalie standing so close to him in that abandoned library under that strangely romantic moonlight taunted him, causing him to squeeze into his pillow a bit harder. Pluto felt completely tormented by the imprint that this mysterious girl had spontaneously made on his heart.
Thinking of how her lips had been parted while she listened to him speak that night, her deviously curious eyes glimmering like the ocean on a sunny morning…
These thoughts were more than enough to completely do him in.
I hate that she has this effect on me, he thought bitterly. Squeezing his pillow and releasing a frustrated huff, Pluto tried his best to ignore the growing bulge in his pants. This is not okay. I should not even be thinking of Eulalie in this way.
Awareness of his intense desire for Eulalie shocked Pluto’s system, embarrassment and feelings of shame flooding into the depths of his vulnerable psyche upon the realization that he was becoming consumed by his attraction to her. What scared him about all of this was how it had come completely and seemingly out of nowhere.
Seriously, what the fuck! He hardly even knew Eulalie. This was uncalled for. Why was his body even reacting like this? So many questions wracked his brain for what felt like hours on end, his chest tightening as he curled further into himself.
Tears of shame inevitably trailed down Pluto’s cheeks as he quietly turned around on his mattress and burrowed further into his blankets. He made every possible attempt to think of anything other than Eulalie, hugging his pillow still. Pluto was desperate to not feel like he was defiling someone he was deeply fond of with what he perceived as meaningless carnal desires not worth indulging.
Eulalie, in his mind, was too precious to Pluto. It wasn’t that he worshiped her, but rather that he respected her. To lust after her just felt wrong, especially after a rough night where he’d chosen to stay up late sitting in his deep-seated angst as he pondered the world around him.
But could it even be all that bad? Does she ever think of me in this way? Pluto found himself wondering. Yet, he didn’t want to get too far ahead of himself. He stopped himself from indulging in such thoughts and buried his face into the pillow. Dark hair flopped over his bad eye, and a few choked anxious sobs escaped Pluto’s lips.
I’m sorry, Eula.
It took a while for his mind to eventually calm itself enough so that his heart rate could slow down, but in the end, he fell into a deep sleep. All Pluto could hope for when he awoke later on was that all this body stuff causing his panic was nothing more than just a nightmare.
After all, he knew deep down that there was no real reason to fear Eulalie. He just didn’t know what to make of his sudden lust for her. That was something he’d have to sort out.
The following morning was a shitshow in the making.
Pluto groaned as he rolled out of bed and dragged himself across the room. He did his best to ignore his headache, avoiding the light of the sun and grumbling tiredly to himself. Exhausted still, he was glad that his roommates were nowhere to be found. He knew that they were most likely gallivanting about and getting themselves into trouble.
Had those assholes seen him crying over a girl, they would never let Pluto hear the end of it. The knowledge of this truth alone was enough to make him feel gratitude for the peaceful solace of not having anyone in the shared dormitory with him. He wasn’t in the mood to listen to his friends’ endless gossip this early in the morning as it was. I’d probably slap someone for even mentioning Eulalie if I’m being honest with myself.
Pluto swiped his lighter and an ashtray from the desk beside his bed. He immediately noted the empty cigarette box on the desk he’d grabbed the ashtray from and frowned, disappointed. Great, nothing to smoke. Sucks. Because it was a new day and he knew that his friends would show up at some point to check in with him, he didn’t want to think or feel anything related to Eulalie.
The lustful feelings he’d experienced out of the blue the night before weren’t something that he wanted to trigger, let alone experience again. That whole experience had already spooked him enough as it was. There was no reason for another repeat. Sure, Eulalie was pretty, but Pluto just wanted to drown out all the loud noises in his brain. He was suddenly thrilled when he found a cigarette inside his jacket pocket. It had been draped over his desk chair.
“Thank fuck that everyone’s gone,” Pluto said, sighing contentedly after lighting the cigarette and taking a drag. He savored the taste of the tobacco as he breathed the smoke out of his lungs and into the room, watching on quietly as the haze wafted through the open window.
“Mornin’ Sunshine~” said a voice.
“GAH. Fuck’s sake!” Pluto cried, startled. This quickly became irritating, however. Right when I think I get a moment to sit back and enjoy my morning in peace…
He’d flinched so hard at the sound of Berenice’s voice that he’d slammed his desk chair, nearly knocking it over and falling on top of it. The cigarette was still lit in his left hand, smoke wafting from it as some of the ash fell onto Pluto’s shirt. Frowning, and now wide awake, he cautiously crawled back into a standing position and tossed the cigarette on the ashtray.
“I don’t know where you are,” Pluto spoke, his voice low. It contained a hesitant but dangerous edge. “But I will find you and–”
“Whoa, whoa. Cool it, Catboy,” snarked the voice in response. “It’s just me.”
“Of course,” Pluto said flatly, glaring at Berenice. He reached over for the cigarette again and lit it, placing it in his mouth before taking another huff. Exhaling smoke, he cleared his throat and found himself feeling like a complete and total asshole. Of all the people that he’d gotten to know at Nevermore, Berenice was the one individual who he knew did not deserve his wrath, no matter how awful he felt.
Better her than Duke, innit. Pluto made a face, displeased at the sudden thought. He was not in the mood for Duke and his sassy shit talk. This was the one man who would never let him rest if he knew about the Eulalie thing, and that was a reality that he wholeheartedly wanted to avoid. Pluto’s tired shoulders sagged as he folded his arms over his chest, now leaning against the window frame. If he was being completely honest with himself, he wasn’t too thrilled about being startled like this.
Berenice, for her part, couldn’t resist snickering at Pluto’s intense emotional reaction to her presence. Though she truly hadn’t meant any harm, Berenice didn’t want to make her friend’s anxiety worse than it already was. She knew that he was trying his best to hide his discomfort, not wanting to seem weak.
“Hey, I get it,” she said, aware of Pluto’s anxiety. She winked as she held out a hand to help him up. “Sorry to frighten ya, babes.”
“S’fine. Maybe warn me next time?” Pluto griped, rolling his good eye and taking another drag of his cigarette. His anxiety was still through the roof and he was far too fucking tired for this shit. An exhale left his lips, followed by more smoke. He looked over at Berenice, watching as she sat on his bed and placed an unopened bottle of wine beside her.
“So,” Pluto said. He tried to get a good look at the bottle next to Berenice. “What are you even doing here?”
“The Deans were talking about a bunch of dumb shit we don’t care about, so.” Berenice shrugged nonchalantly and plucked out her pocket knife, picking at her fang with it for a brief moment before folding it and putting it away.
“What’s in the bottle?”
“Oh, that?” Berenice snickered. She smiled deviously as she reached into one of her pockets for a corkscrew. Then she realized that she’d left it behind, having used it as a weapon in a previous fight. “Merlot. Duke and I got bored and decided to steal it from the Deans.”
Pluto stopped giving a shit within five seconds of his closest friend opening her mouth. By this point, he’d already dropped the cigarette onto the ashtray and rushed toward his bathroom. Thunder pounded in his mind as he stood in front of his bathroom sink with his palms gripping against either side.
One, Two, Three… Pluto counted as he breathed deeply, trying to regulate his anxiety. He stared at his reflection in the mirror, exhaling deeply as he noted his anxious expression before looking away and glancing down at the sink drain. Pluto shook his head, his hair flapping about as he regained his focus. Turning on the faucet, he quickly rinsed his face, hoping that the cold water would wake him up and alleviate some of the discomfort. Then he sighed and ran a hand through his hair before leaning forward against the sink again.
“Pluto, did you hear me?” Berenice asked, her head poking into the bathroom doorway. She was holding up the wine bottle. She’d shown up originally to keep him company. It wasn’t like her wine-drinking buddy to turn down a yap session. “I said I poured you a glass. It’s by your ashtray.”
“I heard you, Bee. Shite,” Pluto finally snapped, glancing up with a frustrated expression and turning away from his sink to face her. Although his attempt to regulate himself did not work, he was secretly relieved to have a reason to forget about Eulalie for a while. He grabbed the bottle from Berenice’s outstretched hand and began to uncork it. When he noted that it was a screw cap rather than a cork, he shrugged and took an impulsive chug.
Berenice repressed a chuckle as she held her hands up with her palms facing him as if to placate him. Stepping away from Pluto to give him some space, she noticed the intensity with which he’d walked right past her. She could not resist the way her eyebrows raised as she watched him sit on the edge of his bed. He looked pitiful.
Berenice was not used to this side of her friend. Pluto was normally very quiet and withdrawn, the type to only speak when he felt it necessary. More often than not, he preferred to keep a distance from others and regularly observed his loved ones from afar, not particularly wanting to be involved in what he felt were mere trivialities.
Pluto looked at the bottle in his hands, eyebrow furrowed as he felt himself becoming a little hazy from the wine. He grabbed the bottle by the neck, holding it like a bowling pin between his parted thighs. Looking at his window, he swung the bottle back and forth as he leaned forward from where he sat on his bed. That was when he suddenly noted that damned raven that Lenore was always running off to perched on a tree outside.
“The feck’s he doing out there?”
“Who?”
Pluto nodded toward the window next to his bed. “That feckin’ bird Lenore’s always on about,” he replied. He took another swig of the wine and considered that he might not even be seeing anything at all. After all, alcohol had a bit of an effect on his rather small body. He was also still exhausted from the night before. At this point, Pluto was quite certain that he was already drunk. He tried to not think about it too much.
Berenice stood up, curious as to what Pluto saw. It was hard for her to see the branch the raven had been perched on from where she was. Furthermore, the bird had already flown away when it saw Pluto staring at it. Was the raven spying on them? Neither of them had any idea.
“Could just be some other bird,” she offered.
“If ye say so,” Pluto snarked, inwardly sighing in relief when he found an unopened carton of cigarettes in the top drawer of his nightstand. He grabbed one from the box and lit it, taking a drag before exhaling with a cough.
“Gimme that bottle,” Berenice said. She noticed that Pluto never even touched the glass of wine that she’d poured for him while he was freaking out in his bathroom. It was still there on his desk, still and bloody red. Just like their hands during the pact.
Pluto, catlike as always, leaned away from his window and toward Berenice, who stood to reach over for the bottle of wine. He flopped back with his cigarette in his mouth, one knee crossed over another one as he exhaled and played around with smoke rings. All he could think about as he heard Berenice’s casual drinking sounds was that book.
He’d originally gone to that library to find that fucking book.
Everyone knew that Pluto was a bookworm. If he wasn’t reading something, he was usually staring at everyone with disinterest and quietly sizing them up. Besides, why bother with socializing? Pluto did not see the point in meaningless chit-chat. There were too many interesting books for him to read in that abandoned library, for one…
Ah, shite.
The memories of his brief moment with Eulalie in the library got to him again. Pluto groaned loudly, frustrated at the sudden unexpected reminder. He was foolish to have ever thought that he’d sleep this one off.
“You’re not right today,” Berenice said, breaking him from his reverie. She sat on the edge of Pluto’s writing desk, sympathy in her gaze.
Pluto took another drag of his cigarette and groaned miserably, aware that he was unfairly being an asshole. “I am not okay,” he said, disappointed in his confession. “I am so not fucking okay.”
“That’s obvious, love,” replied Berenice, eyebrow still raised. She took a swig of the wine and shook her head with an amused expression, the alcohol already starting to get to her. Although it was ultimately none of Berenice’s business, she started wondering about what might have gotten her friend so upset and out of sorts. She had never really seen this side of Pluto before.
Pluto shook his head and held up a hand when she quietly offered him the bottle. “No, drinking in the first place when I’m anxious was stupid of me,” he said, rolling over and draping his arm over the edge of his bed, cigarette still in hand. He was careful not to drop it. “I don’t need more.”
“...Did someone say alcohol?”
Oh, feck.
Pluto was not up for dealing with this noise so early in the morning. Out of the people at Nevermore, Lenore was the biggest shit-talker and her constant scheming with Duke was at times exhausting. Though Pluto loved his friends dearly, now he found himself wishing that he’d kicked out Berenice. He was drunk, tired, cranky, and horny as hell for Eulalie, the latter of which made everything so much worse. Ugh, can’t these buggers feck off for a bit and let a man rest?!
“He’s pretty pissed off this morning for some reason,” Berenice cheerily explained, drunkenly waving a hand and smiling at Lenore. “You’ll have to overlook it.”
Pluto just rolled his eye in response to this. “Oh, shut it, you,” he said. Then he sat up and pounced toward Berenice to reach for the wine. “Give me that.” He snatched the bottle from her again and handed it to Lenore.
“What’s this for?”
Pluto gave her a pointed look. “Go pour it out or something.” It was his way of trying to get everyone to leave. Giving someone a menial task was a way to politely send them off, right?
Lenore raised an eyebrow and made a face at Pluto as she grabbed the bottle of wine by the neck. Holding it up and inspecting it to see that it wasn’t even half gone, she shrugged. She then looked at Berenice and Pluto once more, then back at Berenice before folding her arms over her chest and sighing. Closing her eyes, she shook her head. “Nah, the vibe is off. I’m gonna go find Duke.” Then she held up the bottle as she grinned and walked away. “Thanks for the booze. Cheers!”
Pluto stuck his middle finger up at Lenore’s back as he shooed her out of the room, not caring at all that Lenore was laughing hysterically when he closed the door sharply behind her back. It’s not like she cared, either. That crazy girl was always on some other shit, wreaking chaos and making power moves for the sake of keeping them alive, all while yearning for her blonde lover queen with the heart-shaped hole in her chest.
Despite his harsh opinion, Pluto loved Lenore. He trusted her far more than Duke, but sometimes he just wished that she’d find better ways of going about things. She was too impulsive. Pluto didn’t want her recklessness to get them killed; they’d already risked themselves and each other more than once by now. With him being neutral, it was a given that Pluto felt the need to maintain the social balance of his group by ensuring that everyone was held accountable when fucking up.
Of course, it’s not like Pluto had any room to talk when it came to the concept of accountability. Especially not when he had just lost control of himself and willingly and impulsively chugged a bit of booze to cope with his inability to deal with his feelings for Eulalie. As he sat back down on his bed, Pluto thought to himself, I am such a hypocrite. Nobody should ever take me or anything I say too seriously.
The lack of sleep due to Pluto’s earlier panic attack had made it far too difficult for him to sleep too deeply; he was also already more than certain that he was half-dead. If one could be half-dead when they were already dead in Nevermore, that was. Berenice’s presence was helping him ground himself, at least. That, in his point of view, was ultimately a good thing. What also helped was that Berenice was still just being her usual self. Despite her comments, Pluto knew that she wasn’t judging him.
That was when Pluto decided to tell Berenice what was going on. Sighing deeply and putting his cigarette out before placing it back on the ashtray, he leaned back against his bed again. He stared at the ceiling for a short moment, the silence somewhat deafening.
“So,” he started, the feeling of hesitation making itself known in the tone of his voice. “You know Eulalie pretty well by now, right?”
“Yeah, why?” Berenice asked, confused by the question. She found it odd that he’d ask about Eulalie. Though it was true that she and Eulalie had already become fast friends during their first day at Nevermore. It was no secret that they’d often meet after classes to make little hex dolls together. Others thought that this shared activity was weird, and some were frightened enough to avoid picking fights completely. Some felt it neat that the two girls had genuinely bonded over their mutual appreciation for witchcraft, especially as Eulalie didn’t consider herself to be close to anyone in the group, either.
What Berenice had observed a long time ago was that Eulalie and Pluto both happened to share a tendency toward solitude. She was confused as to why he’d ask about her, though. Did something happen between them that she didn’t know about? If so, why couldn’t Pluto talk to Eulalie himself if he had a problem with her?
“Pluto, did something happen between you two while I was out practicing my manifesting with Lenore and Morella?”
That question forced Pluto to sit up in his bed. His face was beet red as he glared at Berenice. “I…” He paused, swallowing and clearing his throat before looking away from his friend’s entertained stare. “I like her. I like her a lot, and I have had some thoughts about her that are terrifying me,” he finally managed to say.
For his part, Pluto thought Eulalie’s interest in using her arcane gifts for good rather than for evil purposes made her far more interesting than any of the others. He thought of how he felt when he was with Eulalie in group settings. The energy was different than when they had their brief moment in the library, but the constant was that he always felt safe with her around. When Eulalie was around, he noted that he felt more relaxed.
What neither of them was aware of, though, was the fact that Eulalie was eavesdropping on the other side of the door.
“I…” An anxious throat clears. He speaks again after a brief silence. “I like her. I like her a lot, and I have had some thoughts about her that are terrifying me.”
Oh. Oh, my. I was right, Eulalie thought as she quickly stepped away from the closed door with a startled gasp. She’d had her ear pressed against the door, eyebrow raised as she eavesdropped on the private conversation between the two friends. Now she was flat against the wall behind the door, trying to calm herself.
To hear Pluto tell Berenice that he was crushing hard was certainly not on Eulalie’s list of expectations for the day. Of course, she always suspected that there was some sort of reason underlying his overall skittishness. After all, he wasn’t like that with anyone else. Though she often played coy, she always felt that there was something more to his behavior.
Eulalie was both shocked and confused upon overhearing Pluto’s confession. She wasn’t sure how to play it off as though she’d heard absolutely nothing, but she knew that she’d have to do exactly that to not frighten him off. Pluto surely had to feel vulnerable and nervous while confessing. It stood to reason that he might even have had moments before now where he felt so conflicted about his emotions.
Crushes have a way of making people do things they normally wouldn’t do, someone once told Eulalie. She couldn’t remember who it was that had said this to her, or if it was linked to something about her past life. All she knew was that it often was a phrase that proved to be true in most cases. With everything that was already happening at Nevermore, there was no reason for her to assume that Pluto’s crush was rooted in some sort of delusion.
“That’s it?” she heard Berenice say to Pluto. “What’s wrong with having a crush on someone?”
Eulalie could still hear them from where she stood. She imagined Berenice giving Pluto the most aghast expression, fangs protruding and eyebrows furrowed in disappointment. Berenice was the sort of person who never felt any shame about having platonic crushes.
Because of the wall that separated them, Eulalie couldn’t see Pluto stand up to walk to his bedroom window. She couldn’t see the hopelessness in his body language. Surely Pluto was beyond grateful for the fact that she wasn’t in the room with them. She didn’t think that Pluto would ever openly confess his emotions aloud.
“It’s been like this for a while,” she heard Pluto say, his voice soft but distant. It was almost a whisper. Eulalie had to press her ear against the wall again to hear him more clearly. “She’s been on my mind a lot.”
“For how long?” Berenice asked him.
“Since a month ago,” Pluto replied. He sounded tired, almost disappointed. “I just.” Pluto paused again, groaning in embarrassment and muttering to himself, “I just feel like it’s wrong for me to want her.”
Eulalie shoved herself away from the wall and ran back to her dorm, face reddened thoroughly due to what she’d just heard. There was no one in the hallway to notice her, thankfully. Once she got to her dorm, she opened the door and locked herself in. Then she threw herself atop her mattress, grateful that her roommate was gone.
If she was being completely honest with herself, Eulalie’s feelings toward Pluto were mutual. But she also wasn’t sure how to approach him in that way, especially given how easy it was to startle him. That was why she had never bothered to flirt with Pluto, or even treat him in a way that made him feel singled out. We should be handling him with care was the common sentiment that everyone had toward the young man.
Just the other night during their brief moment in the library, Eulalie saw the way Pluto had been watching her. She remembered how she’d felt the intensity coming off of him in waves, and how she’d even felt it in his gaze. But she also knew, deep in her heart of hearts, that he would not dare harm her. She couldn’t explain it with logic or reason, but she knew that Pluto would be the one person in all of Nevermore to handle her with utmost care.
Yet, Eulalie wasn’t fully prepared to move things in that direction with him. She felt that she needed more time to figure things out, at least emotionally. She needed to look inward to figure out where exactly she stood. To merge with Pluto was a risk. She needed to weigh the pros and cons. But why am I overanalyzing this? Eulalie asked herself, sighing deeply as she stared at her ceiling. If he likes me, and I like him, too, then shouldn’t it be the logical next step that I try to talk to him more?
But, then, what would happen if she couldn’t follow him to their second chance at life? What if they got split up again? She had already nearly lost him once; Eulalie did not want to risk falling in love only to lose them. The thought of that sort of abandonment hurt her heart. She’d already been through this more than once already and did not think that she could bear to withstand that kind of pain again.
She turned over onto her side with another tired exhale. Closing her eyes and allowing sleep to claim her, she thought one last thing. I should try to get to know him better. He won’t hurt me. I know it. So, instead of being weird about his confession, I need to stop running away and face this challenge head-on.
All she could realistically hope for, in the end, was that he wouldn’t know that she’d been eavesdropping outside his dorm. She knew that she was going to have to play it off somehow.