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Helen Sharp has always been a reserved person, Madeline is reminded of this during their first few months together. Of course, this is something she’s always known about Helen, it’s just that she was under the impression this would no longer be an issue when it came to their relationship. She’s already done this once. She’s already marched right into Helen’s spiky little shell and dragged her out by her heels. She didn’t expect she’d have to do that again. In fact, she’s not even sure she can do that again. There’s something different about their relationship now, something that tells Madeline she needs to tread carefully.
Things are almost like they used to be in college. Madeline still spills her every thought to Helen, who’s still always there to listen. Madeline still asks Helen for her opinion on all of her outfits before she wears them out. Madeline still dresses Helen up in her clothes and does her makeup to match when they’re bored and there’s nothing better to do. Madeline still pines for more.
Only this time she understands what, or rather who, she is pining after.
Things are also entirely different to how they used to be in college. For one thing, they’re both having much better sex, because it’s each other they’re finally having it with. So, why should Madeline pine for more than that?
“What are you doing?” Asks a soft, low voice, as Helen comes up behind her, shaking her from her thoughts and lightly placing a hand on her lower back, making Madeline stand a little taller.
“I–” She stutters, skin tingling at the cool feel of Helen’s hand pressed against her through the fabric of her t-shirt. “I chipped a finger. I’m just filling it in.” She tells her, briefly turning to her with a smile, so as not to allude to anything being wrong. Because nothing is wrong.
“Want me to help?”
Helen’s hand dips just the slightest bit lower as she lets it relax a little and Madeline almost melts into a puddle on the floor. In fact, she’s pretty sure the only reason that doesn’t happen is due to her sheer determination not to scare Helen off.
“No, thank you!” Madeline replies, bordering on sounding overly cheerful, forgetting what normal conversation is. “I’m done now anyway.” She says, placing the lid back on the paint, not heading over to the faucet with her paintbrush just yet, not wanting to disturb this moment.
But it’s too late anyway.
“Alright.” Helen says, sliding her hand back to herself. “I’m going to the bookstore, wanna come?”
“Yes.” Madeline replies, far too quickly.
Helen tilts her head to one side, taking a step back as she stares at her through slightly narrowed eyes. “Really?”
“Sure, why not?”
“You hate books.”
This is true. Out of all the times Helen has asked her if she’d like to come to the bookstore, Madeline has said no. And yet, Helen never stops inviting her. And now, judging by the look on her face, Madeline is beginning to think she only asks out of politeness. But Madeline, back still tingling, can’t bring herself to care.
-
Madeline isn’t entirely sure why she’s been able to trust Helen again so easily. After all, Helen was the one with the murder plot. But the more she thinks about it, the more she can understand how her own actions would’ve driven Helen to that point. What she still struggles to explain is why she acted that way in the first place. And if she can’t understand it, how can she expect Helen to?
As a result, Helen is careful with her affection. Sex is one thing, the intimacy that comes with being in a relationship is another. But slowly, Madeline seems to be coaxing her back out of that spiky little shell oh hers.
Still, she aches for more. Every soft touch, every gentle kiss from the other woman only ever leaves her wanting more. She craves to be held whilst doing something as casual as watching a movie together, hungers for soft kisses that don’t lead to anything but more kisses, yearns to hold Helen’s hand when they’re out together at Sephora or the hardware store or the… Bookstore?
Once Helen has parked the car, they begin their walk into town and Madeline’s hand is just itching to make a move. But would it be too much? She knows she should just be patient. Let Helen take the lead. Respect her boundaries, not ambush her like this.
-
Helen makes a conscious effort to make sure their pinkies brush together as they walk.
There was a time when things like this came easily to her. Hugs, kisses on cheeks, a soothing touch of the shoulder. There was a time when Madeline was on the receiving end for most of it. And if she’s being honest, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to open herself back up again like that, least of all to Madeline. But as it turns out, loath she is to admit it, that’s exactly who she’s been reserving her affection for all these years.
At least Madeline finally seems to know what she wants this time. Because in the months they’ve been together so far, there’s never been even the mere suggestion of anyone else. Madeline never wants to go anywhere, do anything, unless it involves Helen. She can’t even go to the bookstore alone anymore apparently.
With each passing day, Helen feels Madeline’s magnetic pull grow stronger. And with each passing day, the harder it is to keep away. She’s pretty sure she doesn’t want to anymore anyway.
Madeline’s pinky finger tentatively wraps around Helen’s and the redhead can’t help but look at her and smile. Madeline looks caught off guard, like she was hoping Helen wouldn’t even notice.
“Everything alright?” Helen asks her, giving her pinky a tug.
“Mhm.” Madeline nods.
“Alright.” Helen nods too. “Mind if I?” She asks, as she fully slides her hand into Madeline’s.
“Nope. No. Nuh-uh.”
“Good.” She gives her another smile and they keep on walking.
-
Madeline follows her around the bookstore like a lost puppy, always on her tail, trailing right behind her refusing to let go of her hand, always peering over her shoulder, pretending to look interested in whatever book Helen is trying to one-handedly read the blurb of.
When she struggles to wedge the current book she’s holding back into its original place on the shelf, she decides she needs to say something. The truth is, there’s nothing better than shopping for books alone and she never actually expected Madeline to say yes to coming here today, though it’s not been as terrible as she thought it’d be. It’s not like Madeline is intentionally trying to ruin the experience. It’s not like she’s being rude or too loud or expressing her boredom every five seconds like Helen expected her to. And when she turns to face the blonde again, Madeline is looking back at her like she’s the sole reason that the sun is shining.
She grabs a Chanel book, one that’s all pictures, and leads Madeline through the store to the big, comfy reading chairs.
“Stay here and look through this, I’ll be right back.” She tells her.
“Okay.” Madeline replies with a nod, seeming a little unsure of her very simple instructions, but Helen simply kisses her on the cheek and guides her into a seat.
“I’ll be right back.”
“Sure.” Madeline continues to nod, watching Helen walk away, feeling the lipgloss mark left behind on her cheek.
When Helen returns, she purchases three books for herself and the Chanel book for Madeline.
-
Later in the evening, Helen puts on her comfy clothes, including a t-shirt that says, Running late is my cardio, slumps down on the sofa and gets under a blanket. It’s only then that she realises her mistake.
“Ugh, baby, could you pass me my book please?” She asks.
Madeline stiffens, biting her lip to keep from squeaking.
“Mhm.” She manages to reply, grabbing the book from the counter and passing it to her.
“Why are you so weird today?” Helen asks, a hint of knowing smile on her lips.
“I don’t know what you mean.” Madeline says with another nonchalant shrug, not willing to admit that the casual term of endearment has her on the verge of tears.
Helen narrows her eyes for just a moment, before dropping it. “Thank you.” She says, tilting her chin up, waiting for Madeline to meet her with a kiss, which she does, before joining her under the blanket at the other end of the sofa, donning her own t-shirt (gifted to her by Helen) that says, Life isn’t perfect but I am.
-
A squeal of excitement causes Helen to look up from her page.
“What?” She asks, as Madeline beams at her phone screen.
“We’re trending!” The blonde exclaims, turning her phone screen so that Helen can see.
She begins reading aloud, “Two time Oscar nominee, Madeline Ashton, and New York Times bestselling author, Helen Sharp, spotted holding hands whilst out and about in Beverly Hills.” Helen lets the words register for a moment, before asking, “Why is this news?”
Madeline scoffs, before snatching back her phone and continuing to read, “Gal-pals or girlfriends? The stars were seen hand in hand, sharing a giggle on their way into Barnes and Noble earlier today. Hel, people on twitter are shipping us!”
“First of all, I don’t giggle, second of all, people are what?”
“First of all, yes you do, it’s adorable.” Madeline says with her most obnoxious pouty face. “Second of all, we’re lesbian icons now. Isn’t this wonderful?”
“Is it?”
“If it keeps us in the headlines it is.” Madeline continues to beam, scrolling through the endless sea of tweets about them. “This girl posted a photo of us with the caption, “Mothers #Madhelen”. Aw, get it? Because it sounds like Madeline but with your name too.”
“Hold on, why’s your name the one that gets to go first?”
“What else do you propose? Heleline? That’s just ridiculous.” She says, secretly thrilled that it’s her name that comes first as she reads more posts, “Madeline Ashton coming out in her fifties was not on my bingo card.” And another, “Wait, who is Madeline Ashton’s redhead girlfriend and why is she such a milf?”
“Can I still be classed as a milf if I have no children?”
“Milf is a state of mind, Hel.” Madeline tells her and Helen seems very pleased with that answer, as she reads on, “People are just now discovering Helen Sharp, but I was here when those pics from her book party got released. We are not the same.” Helen laughs at that one. “This one has a photo of us from a different angle and the caption is just a string of nonsensical letters in all caps.” She shows the screen to Helen again.
“Yeah, I don’t know what that means.”
“It means people love us! Lesbians love us! God, if I knew coming out would make me this popular again, I’d have done it years ago.”
“You did not come out, for all these people know we really are just gal pals.” Helen points out with a teasing raise of her eyebrow.
Madeline mirrors the look on her face, before tossing her phone to the side and crawling over to Helen’s side of the couch, leaning in close.
“Do gal pals do this?” She asks, as she closes the distance and kisses her softly.
Helen smiles into the kiss, gently pulling Madeline into her lap, holding her by the waist.
“Wanna watch a movie?” She asks between kisses.
Madeline’s eyes light up and she kisses her again before asking, “Which one?”
“You choose.” Helen tells her, maneuvering the blanket so they’re both underneath it again, this time sharing the same end of the couch with Madeline wrapped in Helen’s arms.
Which is how they spend the rest of the night, laughing together and quoting every single line in Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. And Madeline can’t help but think, maybe Helen will always need to retreat into her shell now and then, but at least for now, all spikes have been retracted.