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Honami is pretty good at remembering things. It’s a useful skill to have. For example, when she goes to Kanade’s apartment for caretaking and she has to remember what her tasks were, be it cleaning, cooking or buying specific groceries. Unfortunately, her good memory didn’t go both ways, and she found it hard to forget about some things. Everytime she feels an itch on her neck or notices the scars on her wrists, she can’t help but remember what happened on those two nights. How she failed, twice.
The first attempt, admittedly, was a bit sloppy. But in her defense, it was also during middle school, when she didn’t know how to handle the bullying. She remembered the night — it was the day after she had pushed away Ichika when she asked if anything was wrong. It was a Friday night, and her parents were out on errands, leaving her alone in the house. It was the perfect opportunity, which made it even more embarrassing when she failed. The rope wasn’t the strongest, and it hadn’t been fully attached to the ceiling, so it almost immediately snapped when she stepped off the chair. She had disposed of the rope a few minutes after falling onto the ground and crying. Nobody other than her even knew anything happened.
The second attempt almost succeeded. It was the start of her first year at Miyamasuzaka. She was paranoid, and despite the friendly classmates, she felt completely alone. It hadn’t helped that she, Ichika and Shiho had almost completely separated at this point. It was another Friday night, and she had planned almost everything. She, however, didn’t plan for her mother to walk into her room at midnight and find her lying on the floor, arms covered in blood and an empty bottle of pills beside her nearly dead body.
But she survived. It took the entire weekend in the hospital, and on Monday the brunette showed up to school wearing a long-sleeved shirt to hide her thick bandages. She had worn sleeves and/or arm warmers ever since, even after her wounds had healed into scars, so nobody asked any questions. It worked for a while. But one day, she did something that surprised her: she forgot.
It happened on a Saturday afternoon — only a few days away from the first anniversary of her first attempt. Leo/need scheduled another practice session in the studio. Honami was happy…she had been happy for the last few weeks or so. She and her childhood friends had finally gotten back together again, thanks to Shiho’s honesty, the sheer willpower of Saki, and the conversation she had with Ichika up on the rooftop of SEKAI. It was everything she had wanted and more. In fact, she was so happy, she had showed up to the studio wearing a T-shirt that exposed her bare arms in public for the first time in nearly a year.
When she opened the door to the studio, Saki and Shiho were already inside. Saki squealed and ran up to Honami, diving in for a hug. “Hona-chan!!! You finally made it!”
Honami giggled. “Good afternoon Saki. Have you eaten already?”
Saki pulled back, grinning. “Yep! My brother makes the most delicious dishes, how could I not?”
Shiho introduced herself by clearing her throat. “Ichika said she’ll be a bit late. We’re just waiting for her.” She had a stoic expression, her fingers fiddling with the keys of her bass.
Honami looked at Shiho and nodded. “Okay. Shall I go set up my drums then?”
Shiho nodded back. “That’d be great.”
Saki opened the door. “Yay! Oh, I’m gonna go get some water in the lobby, I’ll be right back!”
Before either of them could respond, Saki had shut the door and Honami could hear her footsteps down the hall. She didn’t know if it was on purpose, but now she and Shiho were left alone in the studio, again. She recalled the last time they were alone together. It was really awkward for a bit, seeing how it was only a few days after they had reunited, and both of them still vividly remembered how the silver-haired girl had torn into the brunette in the school hallway. Honami had suggested following Shiho’s lead in rhythmic practice, but that’s when Shiho said something that surprised her.
“Don’t let me lead. It would only make our music sound dull. It’s you settling the tempo for the entire band.”
In hindsight, it sounded pretty obvious, but in the moment, Honami realized she still had issues adjusting herself to others instead of taking charge and finding the courage to do the best thing for everybody. Shiho didn’t immediately solve that, but she helped push Honami in the right direction. She was grateful for Leo/need, but maybe…no, especially for Shiho.
“You’re wearing a T-shirt.” Shiho suddenly said matter-of-factly, snapping Honami out of her train of thought.
“Huh? Oh, I guess I am…” Honami replied. “Is something wrong?”
“It’s nothing,” Shiho said, quickly darting her eyes back to her bass guitar. “Go set up your kit, Ichika’s almost here.”
“Oh, okay…” Honami walked over to her corner where the drums were and started preparing for practice, like she had already done many times before. She wasn’t aware of her scars at the moment — in fact, they haven’t even crossed her mind for a day or two. So she wasn’t thinking about whether or not Shiho had noticed them.
Before Honami knew it, it was already time to say goodbye for the day. They had gathered at their usual spot in Scramble Square after another good day of practice. The sun was setting, painting the sky in a light orange as white clouds drifted above.
“Hehe, Shiho praised me so much today!” Saki beamed. The positive energy radiating off of her was almost overwhelming.
“Alright, that’s enough…” Shiho rolled her eyes. “Everybody, good work today.”
“You just did it again.” Ichika pointed out, smiling. "Again, sorry we couldn't practice as much as we wanted because I was late..." The guitarist turned out to be more than a few minutes late, as she had an emergency to attend to earlier that day. She had apologized profusely when she finally arrived at the studio. Make that one more time.
“It's okay. And it wasn’t on purpose.” Shiho crossed her arms, frustrated.
Saki giggled. “You’re so adorable when you pout like that, Shiho!”
Shiho’s face turned red. “Am not! Seriously, quit it!”
When Saki finally relented, Shiho cleared her throat. “Honami, can I walk home with you tonight?”
Honami smiled. “Sure!”
Saki gasped. “Oh, perfect! I was just going to ask Ichika if I could tag along with her to that new shop that opened up on Main Street!”
Ichika nodded. “Sounds like a plan. We’ll see you two later, alright?”
Shiho nodded back. “See you later.”
Honami waved goodbye as Ichika and Saki walked away. “Please pay attention to the road!”
Saki looked back and waved. “We will! See ya!”
When the two of them disappeared from eye sight, Shiho tugged on Honami’s short sleeve. “Right, let’s go.”
As the two of them began the walk back home, Honami was a bit confused by something Shiho said. “Why did you specifically ask to walk home with me? That’s what we usually do anyway.”
Shiho suddenly stopped in her tracks. They were in a smaller alleyway, somewhere near Kamiyama Street. “Give me your hand.”
“Huh?” Before Honami could ask why, Shiho grabbed her hand and observed it, a grim expression quickly appearing on her face. It was then when Honami finally realized what was happening. “Oh, Shiho, I…”
“Jesus, what happened to your wrists?” Shiho asked in a quiet voice, holding up Honami’s other arm and looking at the deep, ugly scars. “These couldn’t have been that long ago…”
Honami opened her mouth to come up with an excuse, but nothing came out. She had chills from the sudden contact, and she felt a wave of cold over her skin.
“It’s nothing serious…”
“You really expect me to believe that?!” Shiho exclaimed, looking up at Honami with angry eyes. “Why would you do this to yourself?! Did somebody coerce you into doing this?”
Honami shook her head quickly. “No, nobody forced me! It’s just…I…” She looked down in shame. This time, it was the sudden confrontation that had triggered it. All the memories of not just that day, that era of her life, started flooding her mind like a tsunami, again. Her lips quivered. Tears began forming in her eyes.
Shiho softened her grip on Honami’s arms, but didn’t let go. “You were never the type of person to harm yourself. Was this because of…?” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t need to.
Honami started sobbing. “Shiho, I…I’m so sorry…”
Shiho sighed. “Why are you saying sorry? If anything, I should be the one apologizing.”
Honami continued. “No, I…t-this was all my fault. I did something that only hurt myself and the others around me. I-I made my family worry so much over something that didn’t even work!” She heaved with each sentence, trying to catch her breath as the tears just kept falling. “A-and I didn’t want to tell you three because I didn’t want you all to-”
“Honami, look at me.” Shiho suddenly said, her affirmative voice slicing through the air and prompted Honami to lift her eyes up to meet Shiho’s. They weren’t angry like it had been a few seconds ago — they were soft. The green eyes got through to the blue ones.
“Why do you think Ichika, Saki and I thought Leo/need couldn’t exist without you? You’re our friend, Honami. You’re my friend, too. Did you think we would let you suffer alone again?”
Honami shook her head. “No…no, I-”
Before she could muster anything else, Shiho let go of Honami’s arms and enveloped her in a hug. Honami was so shocked she had temporarily stopped crying. She could tell it was uncomfortable for Shiho — even she could feel Shiho’s body physically cringing at the full body contact, but she didn’t let go.
“Shut up,” Shiho muttered, her voice distant yet piercing in the silence. “This wasn’t your fault, alright? It never will be. I’m here.”
All Honami could do in the moment was start crying again and over Shiho’s shoulder. Shiho gently patted Honami in the back.
After a while, Honami lifted her head up and pulled back, just enough so she could look face to face with the silver-haired girl. She had her arms wrapped around Shiho’s waist. “I still think about that night. It…it should have worked.” Honami said quietly, her voice still raw.
“Well, I’m glad it didn’t.” Shiho replied, a small smile forming on her face. “Now promise me you won’t do that again.”
Honami nodded, smiling a big smile. “I won’t. Because now I have you three again.”
The sky had turned dark by the time they arrived at the front door of Honami’s house. Shiho had walked Honami all the way there, despite Honami’s pleas. It was still a bit early, but the stars were already starting to shine.
“Is tonight supposed to be a good night for stargazing?” Shiho asked, looking up. “Even with all the light pollution, the stars are still there.”
Honami pondered it. “I think the prime time for stargazing is tomorrow night.”
Shiho looked back down and grinned. “Then, maybe we could tell Ichika and Saki about it?”
Honami smiled. “Maybe, yeah. We can’t meet up though, we’ll all be busy…”
Shiho shrugged. “We can do it over Nightcord, if you want.”
Honami nodded. “That sounds great.” For a while after that, neither of them said anything, instead looking up at the sky as more and more stars appeared and shone seemingly out of thin air. The silence was relaxing for Honami, or maybe it was being in Shiho’s company that was calming her down.
Shiho cleared her throat. “I’ll see you tomorrow over video chat, then.”
Honami beamed. “See you!” After Shiho left, Honami was still on the front doorstep. She was still looking up at the sky. There weren’t any meteor showers forecast for tonight, but she thought if she stared long enough, she could maybe see a shooting star pass by.
Maybe some things were worth remembering.