Chapter Text
Elphaba had woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
Quite literally, seeing as she immediately tripped over one of Galinda's obnoxiously large bright pink suitcases. Since their night at the Ozdust, the girls had moved past unadulterated loathing, but each still had a few little quirks and mannerisms that the other found incredibly aggravating.
Elphaba tried in vain to catch herself on the bed as she fell, but succeeded only in sending a tattered yellow blanket she kept hidden under another flying towards the middle of the room.
“Oooooooh, sorry Elphie!” an infuriatingly well rested Galinda squeaked out. Elphaba grumbled a response, scrambling to obscure and remove the blanket from her roommate's view, but it was too late.
“What's that?” She asked, “I've seen you holding onto it in your sleep but once you wake up you always shove it under a pillow or something,” Galinda's inquiry made Elphaba's face flush. She really thought she'd hidden it better than that.
Elphaba stammered out a deflection as tears inexplicably pricked at the corners of her eyes, “it's stupid anyway.”
Galinda turned slightly and knelt down to face her, “it's not stupid if it brings you comfort.” Her words were gentle but very matter-of-fact at the same time, as she hovered a hand over the blanket.
“May I?” she asked, and Elphaba gave a hesitant nod.
The blanket was only about a quarter of the size it would need to be to cover her body. It seemed to Galinda to have started off a soft yellow color, but had faded over the years to more of a beige. Elphaba's name was embroidered into one of the corners, but upon closer inspection it used to say Frexspar II, parts of the letters having been tacked on in a slightly different color and the tiny holes in the fabric where stitches had been ripped out still visible. Larger holes that had been carefully sewn closed could also be found around the embroidery. The border was a frayed satin that had clearly been stitched back on several times by someone who didn't really know how to sew, and the whole thing was so threadbare Galinda could cover the palm of her hand with it and still count the lines. She still didn't think Elphaba's embarrassment at the blanket was justified, but she definitely understood why.
“My mother made it for me a little while before I was born. Dulcibear tried to fix it so it said my actual name, but embroidery is hard with claws. The border fell off a few times when I was older and I tried to reattach it myself but… I didn't do a very good job.”
An awkward beat of silence hung in the air between them before Elphaba stood up, “we should get ready for class now, it's already pretty late.” Galinda nodded and carefully set the blanket down on Elphaba's bed before finishing getting dressed.
The two were halfway out the door before Galinda rushed back inside and grabbed a small wrapped box, “Pfanee’s birthday is today,” she explained. “By the way,” she asked, “when is your birthday?”
Elphaba faltered a little before answering, “oh, it's on the tenth.”
Galinda's eyes widened, “The tenth? That's less than two weeks from now! You've left me basically no time to prepare!”
Elphaba smirked, “prepare for what? It's just a day.”
“Celebrating your birthday of course! And it is not ‘just a day’” Galinda gasped with dramatic air quotations. “Why didn't you tell me sooner?” she asked, looking genuinely offended.
“Some combination of the unadulterated loathing from a few days ago and… the fact that I've never really celebrated my birthday,” Elphaba geared up for Galinda's shocked interrogation, but she just stared at her, brows furrowed.
“Does Nessa?” she asked. Elphaba raised an eyebrow in response.
Galinda sighed, “does Nessa celebrate her birthday? And does your dad?”
Elphaba nodded, eyes fixed on the ground. Her father's favoritism was never something she liked to talk about, but she especially didn't want to discuss it with Galinda.
In her mind, Elphaba would only ever approach the subject through a purely analytical lens. It was hard for him to love a green child, especially given that it also led to Nessa’s health issues later on. Even if it was her father's decision to feed his pregnant wife milk flowers. The logic always fell apart after only a few moments of thought, but Elphaba still chose to believe that she was inherently harder to love than her sister. That there was something fundamentally broken inside her, beneath her skin. That perhaps the skin that everyone else seemed so fixated on was but an outward manifestorium of her twisted nature. She still tried to be good, she cared about Animals and other people, she constantly did whatever she could to help others, even if it wasn't ever received well.
She couldn't believe that it was all because of her skin, no, there had to be something deeper wrong with her. And there was, because if there wasn't, being good would come more easily. She wouldn't have to put so much effort into figuring out what other people needed, she would just know. She'd be able to control her emotions better, instead of throwing things around with her mind every time she was upset. There was something fundamentally wrong with her, the green skin simply gave people something to blame it on, because the actual problem was subtle, indescribable. It was less one singular bad quality and more everything about her being just ever so slightly off.
Galinda, if allowed to, would try to unpack how that all affected her emotionally. She did want to talk about how it felt, but like most things she wanted to do, Elphaba simply didn't know how.
It was a recurring issue for her, especially when it came to Galinda. She wanted her, perhaps more than she'd ever wanted anything, and it certainly didn't help that Galinda was willing to give her the affection she also wanted without any sort of prompting. She wanted that love, that wasn't the problem, and even if it were she didn't know how to reject it. No, the problem was that she didn't know how to receive love either.
“You know, Elphie,” Galinda started, “the more you tell me about your childhood… the more it seems like you didn't have one.”
Elphaba slid her thumbs into the pockets of her jacket and pulled down, a habit she'd formed shortly after moving into the dorms with Galinda. The fabric created an even pressure around her body that felt almost like a hug. It kept her grounded, made her feel less like flying off the handle.
She rolled Galinda's words that felt almost like an accusation around in her head. They felt forceful, like an attempt to get a rise out of her, to make her confront those feelings. She wasn't ready to talk about them, especially not right before class, but at the same time Elphaba couldn't bring herself to argue.
“Well, it's too late now I guess,” she muttered.
Galinda looked at her quizzically, then down at the ground, as if contemplating something. She really wasn't as oblivious as she pretended to be, but rather than trying to subvert people's expectations of her, Galinda would instead use it as a tool to get what she wanted. It was a trait Elphaba found strangely admirable.
Galinda's eyes flitted back over in her direction, prompting Elphaba to avert her own.
“Maybe…” she began, “maybe it doesn't have to be.” Elphaba glanced back up at her, confused.
“I mean, you missed out on a lot of things when you were a kid, but it's still not too late to have those experiences. And since your father wouldn't give them to you… maybe I could.”
Elphaba stopped in her tracks, “you… want to treat me like I'm a little kid?”
Galinda took a step back and stared up at her, slowly reaching out toward Elphaba's hand, “if you're okay with it, then yeah.”
Elphaba’s brain felt like it was short circuiting. The idea of being taken care of, being loved, was something she couldn't fathom, and yet she found herself wanting it more than anything.
Like most things she wanted, though, Elphaba simply didn't know how. Something even more defensive than usual took hold in her and she snapped back, “that's stupid,” before continuing through the courtyard.
She pulled down harder on the pockets of her jacket, not noticing the shoulder seams start to give. As Galinda caught up, Elphaba caught a glimpse of her face, thoughtful and concerned.
“Why do you think it's stupid?” she asked.
Elphaba slowed back down, almost to a halt. She didn't know. It was a ridiculous idea on the surface, but when she thought about it more, there wasn't anything wrong with Galinda's suggestion. Weird, maybe, but it wasn't reprehensible in any way. She pulled down even harder on the jacket as she tried to formulate a response. She still didn't notice the strain on the stitches, even as they started to rip.
“I–” she mulled it over again, “I don't know.”
Galinda reached out a hand towards Elphaba's, still pulling down on the pocket, the force making her arms shake. Elphaba wanted to take that hand, but she just pulled down in the jacket even harder, until the shoulder seams finally gave out with a series of popping noises.
The sudden rip made both of them jump, and Elphaba slumped down to the ground, putting her head against her knees and trying not to cry.
Glinda knelt down beside her, hesitantly running her fingers along the ripped seams of the jacket to assess the damage. There had been some strain on the fabric due to Elphaba's incessant pulling, but it was definitely repairable. She paused, and placed a hand solidly on Elphaba's shoulder, giving her ample time and space to move away if the touch wasn't welcome, but to her surprise the other girl seemed to lean into it. Galinda slid her hand down to hold Elphaba's and shifted slightly, hugging her from behind with her chin resting on a green shoulder. She ran her free hand through dark, swept back hair and exaggerated the sound of her own breathing in the hopes that Elphaba would slow hers down to match.
Elphaba calmed down far more quickly than she cared to let on. She didn't have much experience with physical affection, but this, Galinda hugging her, the weight pressing down around her body, the hands intertwined with hers or combing through her hair, the sound of her breathing and whispering various affirmations in her ear, was not something she was willing to give up right away.
She glanced over at her watch, heart sinking at the realization that they were already late for class, “we should go.”
They stood back up, and Galinda slipped the ripped jacket off Elphaba’s shoulders as she prompted her to raise her arms so it could be tied around her waist. “Are you sure you still wanna go? We're both doing good in that class anyway, I'm sure skipping one lecture won't hurt.”
Elphaba nodded, and they walked the rest of the way hand in hand. It probably wouldn't have made much of a difference if they had skipped, since neither seemed to have gotten much done. Elphaba's normally comprehensive notes were sparse as she thought harder about Galinda's proposition, and the more she did, the more enticing it became.
The rest of the day went by in a blur. The girls only had the one class together that day, and went their separate ways afterwards, only reuniting at dinner time. Galinda rambled about her various upcoming projects on their way back to the dorm room while Elphaba tried to absorb what she could. The question she was planning to ask weighed heavily on her mind, but she couldn't say the words out in the open. As the door to their room clicked shut, Elphaba stilled.
“Hey Galinda, about what you said earlier…”