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Nerves shook her as she caught sight of her brother, high on her Lord Fathers seat. No longer a Lord's seat, but a Kings. The din of the hall was deafening after so long spent travelling alone. Arya heaved a shaky breath. I must not falter now. She stepped through the crowd and knelt before his seat, breath trembling and presented her sword. needle
"I would pledge my sword to your cause Your Grace." she said, and waited, head bowed, too afraid to raise her face. What if he does not know me? she thought, her heart in her throat. I have been no one for so long.
The hall had gone quiet now, only hushed whispers were around her. Slowly, she raised her head and saw that Jon had stood and was staring at her, face a still mask. Her palms were slippery with nerves as she waited for him to speak - but then Ghost was beside her, nuzzling her face and she felt as though she could have wept from relief that he, at least, knew her still.
"Out." came her brother's voice, firm and unyielding. "All of you, out now."
"Your Grace.." came one of the Lords voices. "We still have much of import to discuss."
"And we will. Later." his tone brokered no argument, and so the Lord shuffled out with the rest of them - all casting curious gazes upon her as they left.
She looked down again as they left, heart still hammering in her chest. Still as water. she told herself - but her bravery had fled. She felt smaller than she had in years and cursed her weakness. It is only Jon. she told herself He will know you still.
The door thudded close at the same moment she felt a hand lifting her chin. She closed her eyes and let out a shuddering breath. "Arya." came his voice, now thick with emotion. He knows me. she thought, and opened her eyes. Gone was his Lords mask. His gaze, though just as intent, had gone soft and sad. "Gods. It is you for true." he said, as his other hand came up to stroke her hair gently. So differently to the way he had mussed her hair as a child, yet so familiar that it tore a ragged sob from her throat.
"Jon." she gasped, and pressed her head to his thigh where she knelt, her shoulders shaking. Then Jon was on his knees before her, taking needle from her hands and pulling her closer, murmuring her name over and over again. Her hands came up and grasped at his tunic. Now that she was back with him after so many years apart, it was as though she could not be close enough. She breathed in his smell, so familiar even after so much time had passed.
"I missed you every day" she said between sobs, "I tried so hard to get to you Jon, I swear it. I knew you would never turn me away. I'm sorry it took me so long."
Her brother let out a watery laugh at that and moved back enough to cradle her head in his hands. "Gods Arya, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am the one who should be sorry. Twice I have tried to bring you home to be, and twice I have felt my heart break when it was not you at all. After we marched on Winterfell and Jeyne said you were never in the Red Keep after Father... I feared the worst." at this, he rested his forehead against hers. "I am half afraid this is a dream.. so long have I dreamt of this moment."
She raised trembling hands to cradle his face too and gazed at his familiar face again. "It was the same for me. Sometimes it was all that kept me going. 'Jon would know and love me still' I told myself." She could not look into his eyes as she continued. "I have done so many horrible things... Seen so much. My Lady Mother always said I was a poor excuse for a lady - but now I fear I am more monster than human."
She felt his thumb move on her cheek. "Look at me Arya." She raised her gaze to meet his eyes, and hers filled again with tears to see him looking at her with so much love and tenderness. "Listen to me now Arya. There is not a single thing you could do to make me love you less. I swear to you."
Tears fell freely down her cheeks as she let the truth in his words sink into her. Her eyes tracked his face as she moved her fingers over the scar under his eye and brow.
"You are so different now." she murmured "and King of all the North. But you are still Jon. I was worried you would not know me."
He smiled softly in reply. "Aye, who would have thought our paths would lead here. Me, a bastard King. And you, so changed." He brushed his thumb across her cheekbone as he continued in a low tone. "In my memories you always stayed a skinny, half feral little girl, now you have come home to me, a woman grown and a beautiful rose of the North."
Her face flushed with pleasure at that. Jon has always called me beautiful. Even when I was Arya Horseface. Him and Father both. "Shut up, stupid" was all she could think to cover how flustered his words had made her. A smile spread across his face then, bright as the sun. It was so like her memories that her heart clenched in her chest.
"I have missed you so dearly." she whispered, and leant her forehead against his once again, sliding her hands into the curls at the back of his neck. She felt one of his hands move to cradle the back of her head as the other cupped her cheek more firmly.
"Arya, I..." she felt his trembling breath against his face. "I missed you so much that I cannot imagine how I am to let you go ever again."
"I don't want you to." came her swift reply. "I have no wish to be parted from you again... Please Jon."
She felt him heave another shaky sigh and reply, voice thick with emotion, "I love you Arya"
She felt fresh tears fall down her face to where his hand sat on her cheek. "And I, you" she whispered back "So much." And then she began to pepper his face with kisses, as she had done the last time she had seen him, though it did not feel the same now. Not with the tears in their eyes and the desperation with which they clung to each other. Gone were the green children who had farewelled one another so many years ago. She poured as much love as she could into her kisses. Placing one last lingering kiss on his brow before resting her face against his again, their noses brushing, breathing in the same shaky air. How long had it been since she had felt so comforted? It is not enough. she thought, and nuzzled her face against his. She felt his hands tighten where they had fallen to rest against her waist and felt his breath stutter against his cheek. It is not enough. she thought again and brushed her nose against his before lowering her lips to his in a chaste kiss. There.. she thought, contented and brushed his lips with hers a second time. She heard his hoarse voice whisper her name. "Jon" came her whispered reply against his lips, where she pressed her lips more firmly for a third time.
A wounded sound came from her brother and this time it was his mouth that met hers, making her heart thud against her ribs as his hands cradled her face and pulled her closer, closer. Quickly, gentle presses became more desperate and Arya scrambled into his lap, pressing as close as she could one leg on either side of him. It felt as though she could not be near enough to him, but her body sang at being allowed to hold him so closely, the joy and safety of it drowning out any doubts. She pulled him ever closer and felt his hardness beneath her. Her hips rocked into him of their own accord and she gasped out a moan to feel him pressed against her so intimately. White hot heat shooting through her, even as she felt Jon's hands shoot to her hips to still them. He wrenched his head away and buried his face in the curve of her neck. "Fuck." came his muffled gasp. "Fuck."
Arya felt a wash of cold fear flood her body as Jon began to shake with sobs against her. She hesitantly lifted her trembling hands to stroke his hair. Her voice came out weak and thin "Jon, I am sorry. I..." She hesitated, unsure. "I only wanted to be close to you. It.. it was not enough. Jon... I did not mean to make you feel as though..." she was crying wretched sobs now. "Please do not be wroth with me. Please don't send me away." She could not remember the last time she had been so weak. "Please, I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I just wanted to be close to you. Jon... Please, please don't send me away."
As she spoke she felt her brother shake his head against her shoulder. "Never" came a muffled voice. "I will never send you away."
Her body sagged against his in relief. "Thank you," she sniffled. "I'm sorry Jon."
He raised his head, his eyes bloodshot and wet. "Stop Arya. It is me who should be sorry. I should not have acted so unworthy. You... you are my little sister. Even after so long apart. That has not changed. I..." here he stumbled, his eyes lowering. "I had only thought to be closer to you too. I should not have done that to you."
Arya bit her lip, "I started it. I.. I was glad when you pulled me closer. I would not have stopped if you had not stopped me." She breathed deeply, readying herself. "I would never stop you. Nothing has felt so safe and good as this to me. I told you I was monstrous. I would not stop you even now."
His face had a queer look to it now that she could not read and her courage fled. I should not have said that. He must be disgusted in me now. she thought, and scrambled off of him to stand, cheeks burning. "I should not have... I apologise Your Grace" she said stiffly, before turning to flee the hall.
"Arya, stop" came a voice from behind her, as she felt his hand grasp her wrist. "Turn around, please."
She turned to face him, holding herself still and taut. Jons face still had that queer look to it that she could not read. "You are not monstrous Arya. No more than I." He ran a hand through his hair, agitated. "I do not want you to think... Arya, I..."
His face shifted once more. The queer look melting into one of steely determination as he stepped forward, taking her face into his hands and kissing her deeply. Her hands raised to clasp his where they lay against her cheeks and she pressed herself into him, feeling herself melt at his touch. "I would prefer to be called a monster than to have you leave my side again." He whispered against her mouth. "There is no one I love more in all this world."
Warmth flooded her at his words and she leant in to kiss him again, with all the gentleness she had left in her. "People will not understand" she murmured "we will have to be careful."
His eyes searched her face, solemn. "And so we will." He kissed a tear away from her cheek and smiled at her, so heartbreakingly sweet. "I still cannot believe you are here with me."
She turned her head to kiss his hand where it laid upon her cheek. "Someone once told me that different roads sometimes lead to the same castle." she said, smiling. His smile brightened in turn.
"Aye, so they do." He leant then to place a kiss upon her brow. "Speaking of castles, my Lords will be waiting. We must inform them of your return formally." He continued regretfully, "And they did not lie, we do have matters of deep import we must discuss. I'll be as quick as I can, I swear it. Then we shall visit the Godswood and say prayers for Father, the boys and your Lady Mother."
Her heart ached then - at his kindness and memories of the Godswood as a child. Her father sitting beneath the heart tree, his solemn face would always have a smile for them as he would watch them play. The memory made her throat feel tight. "I would like that. I've been too long away."
He wore a soft look on his face as he gazed down at her. "You are home to me now. Home to hearth and heart."
"Aye" said she, leaning up to place a lingering kiss to his lips "I am home with you."
He smiled again then and raised her hands to kiss them. "I will be done as soon as I'm able."
He gave her one last, achingly soft kiss before turning to face the door, squaring his shoulders and putting on his solemn Lords face.