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It was snowing in the Godswood. Winters chill bringing down gentle drifts that rose in steam from the warm earth where the springs lay just underneath the surface - giving it an otherworldly appearance. Arya stood at the heart tree, her face flushed with cold. She looked into the tree's solemn face and wondered at the events following her arrival at Winterfell's gates. She had half expected to be received as a stranger. Four years felt like a lifetime with all that had passed since she last stood beneath the trees crimson leaves. She young to many- she knew, despite returning home a woman flowered, but she felt old beyond her years. It felt as though lifetimes had passed since she had been home. She had aged under the weight of grief and heartache.
She could not find the words to explain the weight that had lifted off her heart when Jon had said her name, nor the feeling of being in his arms. The lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. her father had said to her, so many years ago. But their pack was gone now, they were the last of the wolves and they must stick together, no matter who would try to tear them apart. She sighed heavily as she thought back to her encounter with the Brotherhood before she reached Winterfell. About Robb's Will... Jon, now a Stark, made legitimate by royal decree and named heir. Well and good but for the stipulation that if his sister Arya was found living, she would be the trueborn heir. She knew Robb must have thought her dead. That foolish notion could have only come from her Mother's insistence. Her Mother, who tried to place Robb's crown upon her brother. Whatever was left of her... no, I must not think of her. I must put her from my mind. That was not my Lady Mother. she thought, and shuddered - against the cold or memories, she could not tell. She knew the Brotherhood would be on her tail, with evidence of Robb's will. She had seen the gleam in some of her brother.. her Kings Lords when they saw a trueborn Stark had returned. It had made the food Jon had insisted she sup on start to curdle in her belly, so she had excused herself and found herself here.
It had been long since she had prayed to any God but he of many faces, but these were the Gods of her Father. And she knew they had power in the North.
"Gods of my Father, please do not let them play their game of thrones with us. Let us be Starks both, let us strengthen the North for the coming Winter. Let our people stand together." Her mind drifted to Jon's hands on her face, and the feel of his lips against hers, and she felt a chill of fear. She had heard what people said of brothers and sisters together. She was afraid too, that Jon would not let her be close to him again. Nothing had felt so safe in years. "Old God's, I know what is said of brother and sister who love one another. But let us not be cursed. Surely, we have been cursed enough. Let us love each other. Please. We have known punishment enough. He is all that is left to me, and I to him. He is who I loved best, from when I was old enough to know what love was. Please.. do not let us be parted"
She opened up her eyes and looked again at the solemn face. It did not seem less approving than before her prayer. When she was a child she had sworn it would scowl at her when she misbehaved. Childish nonsense, no doubt. The thought brought a smile to herself and she reached out to touch the solemn face. 'Arya...' came a soft whisper, as a breeze stirred her hair. She snatched her hand back and inhaled sharply. The God's are always watching. came her Father's voice in her mind. They hold power here child. She felt a shiver go through her at the memory, and hoped that whatever was watching loved her well.
So caught up in her musings was she, that she jumped when she heard her brother's voice call her name. He closed the gap between them with a small smile on his face, stopping a safe distance away from her. "You must have been deep in thought sister, to not hear my coming."
"I was praying for the wellbeing of the North Your Grace." She decided to be brave in this "And asking the Gods to look kindly on a sister loving her brother."
He looked troubled at that. Eying the heart tree warily. "I'm not sure Father would think much of that prayer. He would not want me to dishonor you so."
She closed the gap between them and held his hand. "Do not go getting all honourable on me Jon Snow. You are all I have in this world, and you are who I have always loved best. I know it is the same for you." She kissed his fingers. "We deserve some happiness Jon. It does not do to think on what Father, or Robb or any of them would say of us. They're lost to us now. I thought I was lost too, but not with you. Please, do not push me away."
"I don't want to Arya. Believe me, I want nothing more than to hold you close to me, day in and out. But all the North knows you as my sister, they know you as Ned Starks girl... I have no wish to dishonor your name or Fathers. If someone knew... It would ruin you."
She made an angry noise in her throat at that, her temper flaring. "Ruin me for what?! Selling me off like a prized pig to the highest bidder? You must be misremembering me brother, to think that I would allow anyone make me do that!"
"No, Arya.. I would not even try to make you do such a thing!' he exclaimed, eyes pleading. "I just could not bear to dishonor you like that."
"Gods be good Jon, I am not asking you to strip me bare and bed me in the hall for all to see!" Ignoring his scandalized expression, she ploughed on, "I'm not even trying to get you to bed me at all. By some miracle I am still a maid and believe it or not, I'm not rushing to change it." Her temper faded then and she grew quieter, "I just want to be by your side. I want to be held by you. I want to share your confidence and your kisses. I have not felt safe since the day we first left Winterfell. I'm not foolish enough to think we're safe now, but Jon, in your arms I feel safe. I feel home. I swear to you I know how to avoid prying eyes. How do you think I got into Winterfell and before you today, without anyone noticing anything? No one will think it strange if we seek each others company after so long apart. Please, Jon."
He sighed heavily and cupped her face, leaning down to give her a chaste kiss. "We must be careful. We cannot touch each other in the presence of others, not ever."
She gazed up at his face and smiled, steel in her eyes. "Father always said it was the two of us who had the most of the North in us. I can be ice too." She bit her lip, her eyes softening. "I know I must seem terribly soft and weak to you. But I have not been soft with anyone since I saw them kill our Father. I haven't been safe enough to be soft. It's you." She placed a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. "I can trust you with all of me. No one else."
He kissed her deeper then, and she relished the feel of him against her. When he pulled away, his eyes held fathomless love. "It is the same for me. And I swear to you, I do not think you're weak. Not even like this, though I am thankful to have your trust still. I remember you running to me with your doubts and fears, even as a child. You were strong even then."
She beamed up at him, remembering all the hurts he had healed in her childhood. "And I know you have the North in you. I glimpsed it in that brief interaction with the Lords. Winters lady." He said with a smile.
"A worthy Lady of Winterfell then?" she laughed. "Were my Lady Mother here, she would be shocked to hear it."
There was no laughter from Jon though, his face was solemn. "Aye, a worthy Lady of Winterfell. You were always a worthy Lady of the North. Maybe not an insipid Southern Lady, but a wild Northern beauty and strong as steel."
She felt heat rise to her cheeks at that. Pleasure buzzing in her belly. Jon smiled sadly at her "I would make you Queen."
Her heart stuttered at that. She replied, breathier than she would like, "You sound like you've been listening to some of Sansa's stories now."
But his face was serious again. "Some of the Lords will want you crowned. I will step aside, if you ask it of me."
"I will not ask it" she replied fiercely. "I don't want it. Not if it means not having you. Surely my will in this will be respected. We cannot fight battles amongst ourselves. There are Lords who want you still, and certainly the Wildlings seem to follow you. They seem loyal after you gave them safe passage through the wall."
"It's not a matter what we want Arya. These Lords all have agendas and ambitions." He wore a look of disgust on his face at that. Then let out a heavy sigh. "Besides, there are plenty unhappy to see a bastard ruling the North."
She turned his face to her and laid kisses along his jaw. "Don't. Don't say that."
"It is true Arya."
She gazed up at him, eyes beseeching, "Look at me Jon. You are a Stark. You have always been one of us. Never less. And I don't care who is unhappy about it. We are Starks. We know our words. We just need to remind them all. Winter is coming. We will present a united front. We will remind them of what they have forgotten. Winter cares nothing for Kings and Queens and Thrones. We get their attention focused on what matters."
A smile had settled on his face as she spoke. "A true Northern Lady, to be sure. And a sound plan. We will remain united, you will sit by my side and we shall focus on the Winter and all that comes with it."
She searched his eyes. "That sounds rather ominous.."
He closed his eyes and pulled her to his chest, nuzzling into her hair. "More than you know," he murmured. "But time enough for that talk later. Let me have a moment to enjoy having you home in my arms. I still need some convincing that this is not some cruel dream."
She smiled against his chest and burrowed deeper. "I am really here" she whispered, "I promise."
His only reply was to tighten his arms around her. They stood like that awhile, listening to the rustling of leaves about them.
After some time she raised her head to trail kisses along his jaw and felt him shiver against her. "Will you sit?" she whispered against his throat. She felt him swallow and nod, before he stepped away and sat down beneath the great tree.
"Come here" he said hoarsely, reaching for her.
She seated herself astride his outstretched legs and saw colour splash across his cheeks, giving her the absurd urge to giggle.
He cleared his throat "You should sit beside me. This is.."
She gave into her urge then, giggling as she had when she wore Mercy's face. "I know what this is Jon, I saw plenty of whores at their work over the years. But never fear, I don't plan to remove any clothing and despoil you."
He groaned and leaned forward to place his head upon her shoulder, speaking into it "Gods. I will have to get the full story of where you have been and what you have seen one day. I wasn't intending to compare you thusly. I only meant.. if someone were to come into the Godswood, this position is not so easy to explain."
She tugged his head back up gently. "Where is Ghost?"
"Just outside the Godswood."
"Will he warn us?"
He sighed. "Probably, but Arya, it's not the most reliable. And no doubt someone will be out to inform us of dinner not too far from now."
She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "They know I've only just arrived. Surely a few moments won't be amiss? Just this once, I swear."
His eyes searched hers. "Only this once Arya."
She leaned forward until they were sharing breath. "Just once" she whispered and pressed her mouth against his.
Immediately she felt his arms go tight around her and smiled into his mouth. His kisses were gentle, not as desperate as before. But even still she felt warm all over. Feeling shy, she parted her lips to brush her tongue against his lips, the way she had seen Lanna and Merry do many times with men at Happy Port. She heard Jon make a pleased noise against her mouth, so she tried it again. This time, his tongue brushed softly against hers too. It was a strange feeling, but somehow it made the warmth in her grow hotter and she pressed herself against him more tightly, shifting her hips against him. As before, his reaction was instantaneous - groaning low in his throat. Though this time he did not pull away but pulled her closer, fitting his hands to her hips and moving his mouth to her neck making her whimper against him. Instinctively her hips rocked against him, again and again. His hands guiding her hips in their movements, breath hot against her neck. Her body felt like it had been set alight now, foreign sensations overwhelming her. Kissing had never felt like this before. She pulled his face to hers once more and kissed him fiercely, all the while making mortifying noises against his mouth. "Jon" she gasped against his lips. "I can't.." but she didn't know what she wanted to say. Immediately he slowed to a stop and brought his hands up to brush her hair out of her face.
She felt flushed and shy. "I'm sorry" she said, face burning. "I had not... I didn't..." She tried, but the situation had turned her brain to mush. Her face burned even brighter. "Gods" she groaned and burrowed her face into his shoulder. "I did not know it would feel so overwhelming" she said into his chest "I felt like I was going to light on fire and burn down the Godswood"
She felt his chest move in laughter and sat straight, offended. He saw her face and immediately pulled his face into a more serious one.
"I am not laughing at you, truly." his expression turned sheepish, 'I should have insisted you sit beside me. It.. that is.. when you are astride me there are ah, instinctual behaviours that tend to be harder to ignore. I'm sorry."
"If you weren't laughing at me, what were you laughing at?' she asked, suspiciously. "I have never... Never done anything like this. I'm sorry if I acted foolish." her face was still burning from embarrassment.
Jon's face suddenly looked intensely serious. "Arya, I was not laughing at you. And you did not act foolish."
He traced her face with his fingers and pulled her back down for a deep kiss that left her gasping. "I was laughing at myself, I swear. Here you were, describing all your experiences as new. And I laughed because I felt the same way. Like some green boy who had never touched a woman before."
"Have you lain with a woman then?" she asked, curious.
He nodded slowly. "Aye, a wilding woman. She was fierce and willful, like you."
"Hm" Arya nodded thoughtfully. "I have only kissed before. But never because I wanted to."
His hands tightened at that, his face growing dark.
"It's not what you think!" she explained rapidly. "Oh, please forget I've said anything." she kissed him. "I don't want to be sad right now. This is the happiest moment I've had in four years. Let's just be happy."
He heaved a big sigh and his fingers loosened where they held her against him. "I do not like to think of it." he muttered. "It kills me to know you had to survive four years alone, and think of what you must have had to do. But I will leave it for today. You are right. Let's just be happy for this day."
And with that he leant forward and kissed her slowly. They parted and she smiled at him, swinging one leg over to sit beside him, rather than astride him. She grasped his hand in hers and studied them, scarred and burnt as they were. He had his own stories to share too. She lifted it to her mouth and kissed it gently. Looking up at his face. He was staring out at the pool beneath the heart tree, face as still as the pool itself. And then, as if he felt her stare, he turned his head and gazed at her, a small smile on his lips. "I still cannot believe your home."
She felt tears well in her eyes, her heart lighter than it had felt in so long. "I love you so much" she said, her voice coming out strangled. "You are my home."
His jaw clenched with emotion at that and he pulled her to his chest and whispered words of love to her, over and over.
Arya closed her eyes against his chest, breathing in relief. home. she thought I am home.