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Dick loves Wally. Not a big deal, no earth-shattering revelations there. They’ve been friends since Wally joined Barry as Kid Flash, and they’ve been glued to each other’s side ever since. He’s always known that his friendship with Wally felt different, too; not like with Donna, where he feels they may as well be two halves of the same soul, and not like with Roy, where they’ll be tearing each other apart one moment and building each other back up the next. No, this is something… well, different. A familiar echo of the kind of love he’s felt before, a love that blossoms in vibrant colours; not any larger, or any deeper, but shifted into a new form.
He’d been content to hold it close to his chest. He keeps all his cards close, so what’s one more to his hand? Except, Dick keeps catching Wally’s gaze lingering on him longer and longer, and when the rest of them are out of costume Dick swears he can see Wally’s face flush when he’s caught. His smile also seems softer, fonder in a way Dick knows is reserved for whoever Wally has fallen for. And it’s him. Wally has fallen for him. A perfect alignment of their care for each other that he should have leapt at the second he pieced the puzzle together, but…
But he can’t. Any time he thinks of taking this chance, a small voice in the back of his head reminds him you’re too scared. It’s not fear of watching another relationship crumble, though, or of being left alone in the aftermath. No, he’s terrified of telling the truth.
All of the other Titans know who they are outside of the costumes. They told each other a few years in, a secret shared in the trust that grew between them. Except for Dick. At the start, it was simply a rule of Batman’s that he followed. A necessity of the trade, a safety net for himself and his loved ones. As he grew older, as he experienced more, as he was used, that rule became his own, ingraining itself into his very being.
Sometimes the rule wasn’t enough. Sometimes (one time, but it was more than enough) someone would find out and use that to break him. Sometimes someone would simply know Dick Grayson and hope for some perks (and use him, use him, they all want to use him). Sometimes it wasn’t enough, but it would be one of the only things he could hold on to when his world spun wildly out of his control.
The others never pressed. He knows they’re still curious even now, but they never press. They still trust him with their secrets, their lives, their love, and never ask the same of him. They say it’s respect, that they don’t need to know who hides under the mask to know that he would do anything for them in a heartbeat. That simply knowing that is enough. Clearly, it’s enough for Wally to have fallen for him.
Something being accepted doesn’t mean it’s fair, though. Especially considering everything and everyone ever has told him ‘openness and communication are vital for relationships’. And, well, Dick desperately wants to ask Wally out. But he deserves better than someone constantly hiding who they are from him, deserves to know who he’s with fully. It’s only fair.
But telling him means abandoning his rule. It means not only baring his heart, but putting himself at risk. Every person outside of himself that knows increases the likelihood of his identity getting in the wrong hands and getting himself or his loved ones hurt in the process. It’s happened before, it can happen again, so he has to calculate every risk he’s willing to take in this regard.
The Bats knowing is non-negotiable, unavoidable since they have all either been taken in by Bruce or figured out who was under the mask anyways. Outside of the Bats? He knows the other heroes, trusts many of them, but paranoia hangs heavy over him, whispering what-ifs into his ear that he just can’t ignore even if he wants to. It makes him sick. With fear, with himself, he can’t quite tell, but he feels nauseous either way, which is why he finds himself in Donna’s apartment, spilling his guts to her.
“What do I do?” Dick drops his face in his hands, slumping forwards against the countertop.
“Tell him,” Donna says, entirely unbothered by the pathetic display Dick knows he’s giving.
“You say that like it’s easy.”
“No, I say it like it’s the most direct solution to your problem, which it is. Doesn’t mean it’s easy." She reaches across the counter, taking his hands in hers and giving them a comforting squeeze.
“It really isn’t.” And isn’t that an understatement? He had a panic attack when he told her who he is. Months of psyching himself up and getting himself ready to face the paranoia head on, and he ended up curled up in a corner hardly able to breathe. But he wanted to tell her, even more than he wants to tell Wally now. It was eating him up inside that he was scared to tell even her, and he still could barely handle it. He barely handles it now, but…
“No. But you’ve done it before, and you can do it again.” But Donna’s confidence in him is a buoy in stormy seas. A reminder that he always pushes through even when it feels like he can’t.
“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.”
“You want any help planning it out? Need me as back up?”
“I think I’ll be good. Thanks, though. Really.” He shoots her a smile, weak but genuine, and she smiles back, her eyes crinkling at the corners ever so slightly and shining with the warmth they hold.
“Of course. Happy scheming,” she says, her smile turning into a smirk.
“Hey! I don’t scheme!”
“Uh-huh.”
“I plan! It’s very different.”
“Right, right, very different.” He huffs, but his smile is stronger now, playful as he falls into the familiar banter. Yeah, he can do this. He can do this.
~*~
Dick slinks into Titans Tower, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as best he can as he makes his way to the main room. It’s not often that any of the original Titans stop by the tower, so when he heard that Wally and Roy were taking a quick rest there after their own missions, Dick knew he had to at least stop by to see them, even if that meant only taking a quick nap after a late night that turned into an early morning. He had to make sure he caught them before they left, and it’s not his fault the criminals in Blüdhaven were rowdier than usual. Besides, this is his chance to get his plan underway.
He can hear Roy before he even enters the room, clearly in the middle of animatedly telling a story. Dick slips in silently, leaning against the wall and staying out of sight from the two seated on the couch. He watches with a smirk as Roy regales his audience of just Wally—and now Dick, but he hasn’t realised that yet—with a story Dick remembers well.
“–so he comes back with the cable, and he shows me the way to a computer room we can use to hack into the speaker system. I hook up my laptop, and voilá, music for the party is ours to choose.”
“Really?” Wally asks, laughing.
“Oh yeah. Dick said I should find a Weird Al parody, but I had a better idea.” Dick still thinks his idea would have been hilarious, but he admits that what Roy did was stupidly funny. “I put 9-5 into the playlist and set it up so it was the next song to play. We took the laptop and cable and booked it out of there and back to the ballroom. Fuck, I wish I’d taken a picture when the song came on, all those pretentious bastards looked so scandalised, and I swear Luthor was about to pop a blood vessel.”
“I’d have paid good money to see that. Were you guys caught?”
“Technically no, but Bruce and Ollie knew it was us. Ollie scolded me for all of two minutes before saying we should have found a more direct and scathing song and giving me recommendations. Dick told me that Bruce just gave him a disappointed look and told him not to use his stuff for pranks.”
“That was it?”
“They hate Luthor, of course that was it. And it was brilliant.”
“Mm. I think a Weird Al parody would have been just as funny though.”
“Oh, of course you do.” Wally flushes, but doesn’t try to defend himself. There’s no point to, Roy’s made fun of him countless times for his well-known celebrity crush on one Dick Grayson. And yeah, that fact is definitely a bonus for Dick’s current situation, but celebrity crushes are different from falling in love with someone, so it wouldn’t have mattered if Wally hadn’t been obviously falling for Dick. Well, Nightwing, as far as Wally knows, but them being one and the same is great for Dick now.
“I don’t know what you expected, man,” Dick says, deciding to finally announce his presence and get started on his plan before the paranoia crops up.
“Oh Jesus!” Roy startles and whips around to face Dick. “Why are you always sneaking up on everyone?”
“I wanted to surprise you two.”
“More like give us a heart attack. Fuck, man.”
“Hey N! Good to see you,” Wally says, waving at him and giving him a warm smile. Dick smiles back, even as his nerves start to get to him.
“Good to see you too. You guys staying around much longer?”
“I dunno about Wally, but I was gonna head out now anyways. Just needed a place to crash for the night, I wanna get back home to Lian. The story was my parting gift to Wally.”
“That’s fair. Tell her I say hi.”
“Will do.” Roy gets up with a stretch before walking over to the doorway. He claps Dick on the shoulder as he passes him. “Seriously though, glad to see you, even if it was just for a minute and you scared me half to death.”
“Only half to death? I’ve gotta up my game.” Roy barks out a laugh at that.
“Yeah, you’re slacking off here N. See you around. Or not, I guess. If I see you, then I’m getting on your ass for not being the stealthy bastard you should be.”
“I’ll hold you to it.” He gives Roy a wave as he disappears down the hall, leaving Dick and Wally alone in the main room. Anxiety starts to crawl up his back, sharp and icy as it settles in.
“I’m probably gonna head out too. Still have a job to get to,” Wally says as he gets up. Shit, he has to talk to him now, or else he’s never going to.
“Actually, I was wondering if you had a minute?” Wally pauses, but his face lights up.
“Yeah, yeah, of course! Didn’t realise you wanted to talk, I’m always down for that. What’s up?” Just go, just speak, say it, say it, say it now!
“I’ve… noticed how you’ve been acting around me lately.” Great going, Dick. Real smooth.
“Oh, uh, really?” Wally’s face flushes, his face nearly as red as his suit.
“Yeah. And if I’m reading it right, then I feel the same.” He can see as Wally’s brain trips over what he’s said, shock quickly morphing into excitement and hope as he speeds through his thoughts. Adorable.
“Wait, really? Really really?”
“I love you, Wally.” And the hesitance hits, with all the force and grace of a truck. He knows Wally picks up on it, and the way his expression falls ever so slightly twists his heart. As if he needed that on top of his nerves begging him to bolt and never show his face again, masked as it is.
“But…”
“But, I want… well, you deserve to be with someone you know. Actually know. Not someone hiding away who they are, hiding a whole part of themselves from you.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He feels sick, but he has to get it out now. No more hiding. Not if he wants this. He opens his eyes and fixes his gaze on Wally. “So, I want to tell you who I am. Then, when you know, you can decide whether you still want to, y’know, date me.” He trails off at the end, and it takes every ounce of willpower in him to stay here and wait to hear what Wally says.
Wally, for his part, seems thoroughly dumbfounded. He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, trying and failing to get any words out. It feels as if it drags on for an eternity, every second excruciating, but Wally finally manages to speak.
“I… so, you do want to date me?”
“After I tell you, yes.”
“Really? I mean, you don’t have to, it’s not like it’s a deal breaker for me or anything, it’s–”
“I want to, Wally. I want to be… I want you to know who I am. I want to be able to go to your place—or bring you to mine—and go on dates without all the trouble that comes with being in costume. I want to be fully open and honest with you.” God, he’s going to throw up after this, he knows it. But maybe, hopefully, it’ll be worth it.
“I won’t tell anyone, I promise. I… thank you, for trusting me.” All Dick can manage is a nod, but the way Wally smiles, all soft and gentle and admiring, soothes him. Not much, he’s far too keyed up for that, but enough to get a few more words out.
“Promise me one other thing? It’s small, I swear.”
“Anything.”
“Don’t freak out?”
“Done. No freaking out.” Dick nods again. “Guessing you’re gonna tell me another day though? Cause I’m pretty sure you’re like two seconds away from keeling over.”
“Y-yeah. I’m–” A wave of nausea washes over him, and Wally takes half a step forward, concern knit into his brows as his mouth pulls into a small frown.
“Jeez, I was exaggerating, but you really do look terrible. Need to sit for a minute?” Dick shakes his head, fighting down the nausea as best he can. He doesn’t blame Wally for not looking convinced by his poor performance. “N…” He isn’t winning against the nausea now, he knows it.
“Blüdhaven, Friday, 6 o’clock, I’ll send you the address, meet on the rooftop,” he says as quickly as possible. If he opens his mouth again, he’s almost certain he’ll throw up.
“Wh- yeah, okay, you–”
“Sorry.” He runs out of the room, Wally calling out behind him but thankfully not following. He makes it to the bathroom just in time to empty his stomach into the toilet, but it doesn’t leave him feeling much better. He focuses on his breathing, taking careful but deep breaths as he waits for his stomach to finally settle. He doesn’t know how long he spends kneeling on the tile before he feels he can move without feeling sick again, but when the nausea does finally subside, he’s quick to flush the toilet and wash up.
Despite having gotten past the worst of the nausea, he still doesn’t trust himself to open his mouth, so he shoots off a quick text to Wally to let him know he’s fine before he slips away to the zeta. He’ll text the address of where he wants to meet him later, when he feels more like a person and less like a ball of anxiety vaguely shaped like a human. Now all he can do is wait for Friday and hope it doesn’t backfire spectacularly. God, it’s going to be a long week.
~*~
Now or never. It’s now or never. It doesn’t make him feel any better, but it’s the only thing getting Dick up the steps to the rooftop. He knows Wally’s already there, he saw the familiar blur of a speedster racing up the side of the building. He waited for it, because if he had gotten there first, he would have just leapt down to the fire escape and bolted before Wally ever saw him.
Not that he’s doing much better now. He doesn’t feel too nauseous, but his chest is tight and it’s hard to breathe. It’s just Wally, he reminds himself. You trust him. He won’t risk anything, he won’t use you. He’s safe. You’re safe.
He pauses once he’s at the door to the rooftop, the panic rising and rooting his feet to the floor. So much for the reminders. But no, no, he can’t stop here. He has to keep going. He has to see this through to the end.
He takes a deep breath before he opens the door, closing it gently behind himself and turning around to find Wally shifting anxiously on the far side of the roof. He’s dressed casually, keeping this to their civilian identities just as they’d agreed, his hair shining like a fiery halo in the early sunset. Even from a distance, he’s stunning.
And Dick can’t move. Again. His heart is beating far too fast, and fear coils in his chest and throat, ready to spring him up into the air and away from Wally if he so much as twitches. But he said he would do this. He promised. And if all goes well, and Wally isn’t either too mortified with himself or too furious with Dick, he’ll maybe, hopefully, have a boyfriend at the end of the day.
Another deep breath, and he walks over to Wally, making sure his footsteps can be heard. He doesn’t think he can bear calling out to get his attention. It works, because Wally turns to him as he gets closer, the anxiety seeming to fall away from him instantly.
“N! I was worried I got here too early–” Wally pauses, his jaw dropping and his eyes going wide. Dick fights down a nervous laugh, even though in any other situation he absolutely would have made fun of Wally for the face he’s making. “Holy shit… holy shit.”
“Hey.” Dick does his best to stay confident, giving his best casual smile as he rocks subtly in place. Keep it light, keep it playful.
“Oh my god oh mygodohmygodisthisrealthisisrealohmygoddudewhat–”
“I thought you said you weren’t going to freak out.”
“I didn’t think you’d be, you know, you. I think I’m entitled to a freak out.” Dick can’t help chuckling at that, watching Wally as he continues to ramble and pace. “Ooooooooh my god. This is like, the most, the best, the, I don’t even know. Oh my god.”
“I’m guessing this is a good kind of freak out?”
“Amazing! Holy shit, and you love me! The Richard Grayson loves me, some, some random midwest guy, this is a dream come true!”
“You’re calling the Flash ‘some midwest guy’? Really downgrading yourself there.”
“Dude, you’re famous in and out of costume. Like, ‘thousands of people’s celebrity crush’ famous, you’re–” Wally freezes, his face flushing a deep red before he hides it in his hands. “Oh god, and I said you’re my celebrity crush. To your face. So many times.”
“If it makes you feel any better, I was very flattered. Still am.”
“Still embarrassing.” Wally lets his hands drop, but doesn’t meet Dick’s gaze. “I guess it’s good you’re not upset about it, though.”
“You’re very respectful with it. And cute.”
“You can’t just say that!” Wally squawks.
“Pretty sure I just did.”
“Dude!” And that, that gets Dick to laugh. A real, heartfelt laugh that bubbles up out of him and floats into the air. For that brief moment, all his worries leave him, and Dick basks in the joy of it. It’s… nice.
As his laughter fades, though, his anxiety creeps back in, coiling uncomfortably around his spine. He tries to keep the smile, weak as it feels, because god forbid he completely ruins the moment because of his nerves.
“Sorry, sorry.”
“You’re fine.” An awkward silence stretches between them, neither of them making a move to break it. It’s not exactly like there’s an easy or graceful way to redirect this conversation where it needs to go. Best to just get it done, right? It’s not like he’ll get any more anxious, at least not in front of someone else.
“So, now you know,” Dick says, letting his eyes drop to look at the rooftop.
“Now I know.” Wally pauses, and Dick hears him take a few steps closer. “Does that mean I can kiss you?” His words are a shock to the system for Dick, a bolt of hope that snaps his gaze up to meet Wally’s. He can only see an earnest want in his eyes, and Dick has never felt so relieved.
“Yes. Yes, please.” Wally is quick to close the distance between them, bringing a hand to gently cup his cheek as he leans in and presses their lips together. His other hand settles at Dick’s waist, and Dick wraps his arms around Wally’s neck as he leans into the kiss. It’s gentle, tender, something soft and sweet and warm. Comforting. Like finally coming home after far too long.
Wally soon pulls back, but he stays in Dick’s arms, looking at him with such warm affection that Dick thinks that he’ll melt.
“I’m the luckiest guy alive,” Wally says reverently.
“Funny, I was thinking I was.”
“I’ll share the title.”
“Yeah?”
“Only ‘cause it’s you I’m sharing it with.”
“What a charmer.” Dick smirks, but it’s soft at the edges, filled with the same warmth he feels.
“All for you. Speaking of, how does going to dinner sound? My treat, of course.”
“Sounds wonderful.”