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1.
It never gets easier to visit Odasaku’s grave.
The five children are silent as they huddle together under Dazai’s black umbrella. The rain unrelentingly pours around them, the noise of the pitter-patter against the cheap plastic material making the scene all the more melancholic. When one of them starts crying, the others follow. One by one, they fall back into that pit of despair that Odasaku had tried to save them from.
Dazai included. He doesn’t show it, however.
He’s not a child anymore. Odasaku’s death hurt more than anything in his life ever did, but the tears won’t come out even if he wanted them to. Instead, his grip on the umbrella’s handle tightens as the loud sobs of the children mingle with the sounds of raindrops.
“C—Come back…” One of them—Yu, if Dazai remembers correctly—is muttering over and over again.
“Odasaku…” Sakura whimpers.
“You promised you would take care of us, didn’t you?” Kousuke screams at the grave in a flash of both rage and grief mixed together. The nine-year old boy furiously wipes at his eyes with the sleeves of his jacket, though it does little to avail the wet streaks on his cheeks. Face red and snot running down his nose, the boy continues to yell, “Why? Why did you have to break that promise, old man!”
“Hey.” Dazai taps on Kousuke’s shoulder. Kousuke gives Dazai a frightened glance when he sees the eighteen-year-old’s eyes, blank and devoid of any emotion. It’s the dead eyes that always scare the children the most. “None of that.”
People live to save themselves.
Even now, Dazai doesn’t quite understand. He thinks he does, but he’s not sure if he fully comprehends what Odasaku meant. Or rather, he doesn’t know what Odasaku expects from him.
What should he do now? What would Odasaku want him to do?
Dazai lifts his head from the grave to stare at the stormy skies in the distance hovering over a gray sea. He wonders if Odasaku is peeping at them from above while they stand in front of his grave.
Oh, how foolish the man must feel knowing he died for nothing. Although Dazai would never admit it aloud, he wishes that Gide had truly finished off the children in the first place.
Maybe then, Odasaku’s death wouldn’t feel like one big insult to all of them.
2.
The apartment’s barely fitted to accommodate two people, let alone six.
Dazai lets all of them go into the shower one by one, though he puts a time limit on how long each child can stay in the bathroom so that the rest aren’t left to miserably drip water onto the wooden apartment floor like sopping wet cats. The only thing he has in terms of entertainment are a few books (and a cabinet full of cheap beer, which he doesn't open for obvious reasons).
When all the children have all taken their turns, Dazai himself takes a quick shower. Under the spray of the warm water, he doesn't let the panic settle in his heart, to his credit.
Dazai comes out of the bathroom to find the children whispering amongst themselves, quickly clamoring up at the sight of the former Port Mafia Executive. Well, such is to be expected. He’s not exactly the most trustable of men, neither in appearance nor actual credibility.
Dazai ignores the pointed looks the orphans give him to look out the window, opening the blinds to find that most of the rain from earlier has subsided. Ah, how perfect.
“Let’s go,” Dazai announces, to the confusion of everyone else in the room. He doesn’t explain, merely pulling his coat on and opening the door, gesturing vaguely for the children to follow suit.
***
While the children are munching away at pizza, Dazai excuses himself to the bathroom. He hides in the hallway keeping a keen eye on the children to dial a familiar phone number on his new burner phone.
The call barely dials before it’s picked up. “ Hello? Who is this and how did you get this number?” A distrustful voice says through the line. Dazai has to suck in the bile that automatically threatens to claw its way up his throat.
“It’s me, Ango-kun,” Dazai says tersely. He sneaks another peek at the children with a trained eye. “I’ve found myself in a predicament.”
“ Dazai? ” Ango’s shocked voice follows. “Why—never mind that, what are you calling me about? What have you done now?”
“I haven’t done anything. Mimic left me a small present in the form of five children~” Dazai says. “Put the pieces together yourself, hmm?”
“What?” Ango chokes. “Corpses?”
With an annoyed sigh, Dazai grows more impatient by the second. “Try again.”
“They’re alive, then,” Ango says, this time his tone is gentler.
If Dazai hadn’t known better, there might even be an inkling of pain in that voice. He chooses not to think about it further, focusing on the task at hand.
“Very much so.”
“I’ll see what I can do,” Ango quickly adds. “At the very least, we should be able to take them off your hands by tomorrow. Please, just don’t do anything rash with them in the meantime.”
“Fine, fine, I understand,” Dazai pettily replies. As if he had any devious plans for Odasaku’s last memory in the first place. “Make sure they go to good homes, alright? It’s the least you could do for him after everything.”
“I know, Dazai.”
The call hangs up. Dazai snaps the burner phone closed, sufficiently satisfied with the outcome of the situation.
That’s the end of it. Or so, Dazai had thought at the time.
3.
Katsumi is the first to come back.
He knocks on Dazai’s door, clothes slightly ripped and a petulant expression on his face. Dazai has to rub his eyes to make sure it’s not some sort of ghastly apparition that’s appeared before him.
It’s not.
“Can I come in?” Katsumi asks, a scowl on his face.
Dazai’s immediate reaction would've been to answer, “no”, and slam the door in the kid’s face. Except he doesn’t, because it’s Odasaku’s kid and any ill will harbored towards him would feel like a spit to his old friend’s memory. Just because Odasaku is dead doesn’t mean Dazai’s allowed to further disappoint the only man who’s ever looked at him as anything more than a monster.
So, he opens the door wider as a wordless gesture for Katsumi to come in, and the boy does.
“Thanks,” is muttered in a low voice and the boy curls in on himself in the corner of his dingy apartment. Dazai takes the time to clear away some of the empty beer cans that had been stacking themselves in the other corner of the room.
When he’s done with his task, Dazai sits crisscross on his tatami bed located in the center of the room while positioned parallel to the boy. With a bored expression, Dazai asks, “Why did you run away?”
“None of your business,” Katsumi says.
Dazai huffs. Brat , is the first thing that comes to Dazai’s mind.
“Fine, be that way,” Dazai grumbles childishly. “I’ll figure out the reason eventually, anyways.”
“I’d like to see you try,” Katsumi sticks out his tongue while pulling down his bottom eyelid. Dazai doesn’t bother acknowledging the taunt.
“I’ll order takeout again,” Dazai says. “What do you want?”
“…Really? You’re not going to ask more questions?”
Dazai waves Katsumi off dismissively. “Don’t need to. Just answer the question already, we don’t have all day.”
Katsumi looks at Dazai in disbelief. “You’re different from Odasaku.”
“Duh,” Dazai sighs.
Tell him something he didn’t already know.
4.
Dazai is not amused. No, not in the slightest.
“Ango-kun, do something about these kids already!” Dazai complains loudly into his cellphone. He’s standing outside by his apartment door since it’s the only semblance of place he can have any privacy from the kids. “I thought I told you to put them into good homes! So, why did they all come back!”
“ All of them? ” Ango asks incredulously.
“All. Of. Them. The last one showed up this morning.”
Ango has the absolute gall to sigh when Dazai’s the one who has to deal with five stubborn, energetic kids running around in his tiny apartment!
“I don’t want them here,” Dazai whines. “One of them’s already tried to break into the liquor cabinet!”
“Did they all come to you out of their own volition?”
“Apparently,” Dazai says. “Even though I never once said that they would be welcomed back.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean ‘why’?” Dazai snaps. “It’s obvious that they’re not happy about being separated. Even an absolute corporate monkey like you should be able to infer that.”
“It’s not exactly easy finding a household willing to take all five children in at once,” Ango replies.
“I don’t care about that,” Dazai says. “I just want them gone already!”
Dazai’s eye twitches when he hears a distant crash coming from inside his apartment.
5.
Dazai stands in a threatening pose, somewhat imitating an aura of intimidation that he used when he was a Port Mafia Executive not too long ago. Except, this time, he’s standing in front of five children who absolutely do not respect his authority unlike the mafia recruits who would’ve been terrified enough to soil their pants by now just from the look Dazai is giving them.
Kousuke, standing front and center of the group, mirrors Dazai’s pose by crossing his arms as well. His scowl is much less refined than Dazai’s cold stare.
“You brats,” Dazai grouses. “This is the third time you’ve done this. I don’t care where you go; just stop coming back here!”
Odasaku’s last will be damned, even Dazai knows that he’s the least suitable candidate for taking care of orphans. He can’t even take care of himself, for goodness sake, and taking responsibility for a bunch of kids was possibly the last thing he had in mind when leaving the mafia.
Being on the “side of good” is one thing, adopting five kids all at once at age eighteen is another.
“Are you kicking us out?” Kousuke challenges.
“If that’s what it takes, then yes .”
Kousuke smirks. It irritates Dazai. “You’re bluffing.”
“Kousuke—” Sakura tries to interject but Shinji grabs her shoulder while shaking his head. Sakura looks shyly at Dazai, clearly affected by the older man’s scowl, before turning her gaze back down to the floor.
“If you wanted to kick us out, you would’ve done it already,” Kousuke continues. “And Odasaku was your friend, right?”
Dazai doesn’t flinch from the words. “What does Odasaku have to do with anything? He’s dead.”
“Exactly,” Kousuke says. “Whose fault was that? That man in the glasses said you were the ‘Demon Prodigy’ or whatever in the Port Mafia, so why couldn’t you save him?”
Dazai storms to the entrance of his apartment, violently flinging the door open. “Get out. I mean it this time.”
***
It’s raining again.
Dazai walks down the wet streets with black umbrella in hand. The water on the ground is tall enough to thoroughly soak his shoes. Disgusting.
For what? A fool’s errand?
He careens his way through back alleys, specifically passing by spots he knows that used to attract the homeless crowd in Yokohama. The fact that it’s raining makes it all the easier since only a select number of those spots would be able to provide sufficient shelter from the rain.
His footsteps are hollow, almost completely drowned out by the sound of water hitting the ground. Eventually, he stops when he finds what he’s looking for.
“Found you. You all look miserable.”
Odasaku would be disappointed in him right now. He wishes his old friend would stop living rent free in his head. Maybe his days would be easier if he had forgotten about Odasaku entirely, somehow. Yet, on the other hand, the thought of forgetting Odasaku is painful as well.
“Thanks,” Kousuke dryly remarks. Sakura’s already running up to Dazai to cling tightly to his leg. Dazai kneels down to comfort the girl by running a hand through her wet hair. Well, that was a mistake. Ew.
“What now?” Shinji asks, surprising Dazai. That boy is usually quiet compared to the others, observant yet distrustful eyes always stuck on Dazai but lips never moving once to voice his opinions.
“Home,” Dazai simply says. He gestures for the rest of the kids to crawl out of the pitiful excuse of a cardboard box they had been trying to hide in.
“I’m hungry,” Katsumi whines. “Can we have pizza again?”
“Me too,” Yu says.
“Whatever,” Dazai says with a roll of his eyes. “Can we go already? Or are you brats planning to stay on the streets?”
“We get it!” Kousuke yells over the rain, pulling Katsumi out of the cardboard box with a grasp of the boy’s wrist. Yu and Shinji reluctantly come out on their own, eyeing Dazai with unsure expressions. “It’s better than staying out here, I guess.”
“’I guess’,” Dazai mocks. Sakura finally lets go of his leg. The children huddle together close near Dazai again, just like that other day from weeks ago. The feeling of déjà vu dawns upon Dazai. “How troublesome,” he remarks with the faint traces of a smile on his lips.
6.
The children burst in running at the supermarket before Dazai can even manage a step through the door.
He takes his time to get a shopping cart and everything, continuing at a leisurely pace despite his rather rowdy company. Soon, the kids start piling up some things into the cart without his permission—cookies, boxes of chocolate and strawberry popsicles, a variety of chips, a few boxes of pocky…
Dazai doesn’t spare a glance at the cart while this is all happening. He ignores the stares of passersby who are probably sending him judgmental looks for not being able to control five children. He doesn’t have the energy nor want to expend the energy to put forth the effort.
He grabs a pack of beer cans. Maybe some canned crab. He’s not sure if he can even afford all of what’s in the cart with what money he has in his wallet at the moment.
Turns out he can’t. The kids get into an argument right in front of the store clerk about what should stay in the cart and what should go. The clerk sends a mix of both a glare and a sympathetic glance towards Dazai.
7.
Dazai stops calling Ango. He only called when it was convenient for him, and he has no desire to listen to a traitor’s voice. A long, nice break from having to hear it would be nice. Even better if he never has to hear it again at all!
He’s not exactly happy when the man himself shows up to his apartment unannounced.
“Intruder!” Kousuke shouts. Katsumi takes the toy gun and starts shooting foam pellets at the man in uniform. Dazai smiles goofily with a mixture of pride and amusement at the sight.
“Idiots, it’s just four-eyes,” Shinji says, not looking up from his book. Katsumi stops pulling the trigger of his toy gun. Sakura remains in her corner, brushing the hair of her new plush tiger with a brush. “Don’t tell me you guys already forgot what he looks like.”
“Oh yeah, that guy,” Yu says before letting out a loud groan when fiddling with the buttons of his PSP. “No, no, no! That was so rigged!”
“Kousuke wasn’t wrong though,” Dazai sings. “Ango-kun isn’t welcome here! Katsumi-chan, shoot him again.”
“Don’t,” Ango warns.
Katsumi does so anyways.
Ango holds out a hand to block the soft bullets from wrinkling his neatly ironed suit. He takes a look around the tiny apartment, unimpressed and borderline horrified.
“You live like this?” Ango asks, nose wrinkled. The apartment was much too small to be housing five children. The entire place is a mess with various toys and emptied packets of junk food strewn about the floor. “This is a far from a suitable environment for raising children.”
“It’s all your fault,” Dazai says. “They just kept coming back to me, Ango-kun! I told you to do something about it, but you didn’t! Katsumi, aim for the eyes.”
Ango forcefully discards the toy gun from Katsumi before the boy can start follow Dazai’s instructions. Katsumi immediately pouts and bangs his fists again Ango in protest.
“Hey!” Dazai yelps.
“I tried my best,” Ango states. “I’m tired, but I’m glad to see that the kids seem to be doing… marginally well with you,” placing a dubious emphasis on the word marginally .
“I’ll keep looking for someone take them all in,” Ango says. “It might take some time—”
“No!” Sakura yells, tiger plush in one arm and the other arm hooking around Dazai’s leg. The move surprises both Dazai and Ango. She looks at Ango with a fierce glint in her eyes. “You can’t separate Dazai-san and us! Mr. Stripey won’t forgive you if you do!”
“Mr. Stripey? That’s a dumb name,” Kousuke scoffs.
“No, it isn’t, Kouchan!” Sakura hisses.
“Err…” Ango sighs and kneeling down to meet Sakura at eye-level. “Sakura, was it?”
Sakura nods.
“You see, Sakura-chan… Dazai-kun here won’t be able to take good care of you like the man Odasaku left you with,” Ango explains. “You can still see Dazai-kun, but you’ll get to live in a better house with nice people. Doesn’t that sound nice?”
“Ango-kun’s so soft with children,” Dazai teases with a shit-eating grin.
Ango shoots an annoyed glance at his (former) friend.
“But Dazai-san understands us!” Sakura argues, tears springing in her eyes. She tightens her grip on Dazai’s leg. “I don’t wanna go!”
Ango pinches the bridge of his nose. “Dazai-kun…”
Katsumi snatches the gun from Ango’s hands only to start rapid shooting at Ango’s back.
“The eyes, Katsumi! Now!” Dazai rowdily encourages the boy.
“You’re a horrible shot! Give me the gun!” Kousuke tries to grab the gun away from Katsumi, much to the other boy’s displeasure. The entire fiasco turns into a mini fistfight between the two boys.
Katsumi grunts, face in a twisted scowl. “I’m not , his head is turned away!”
“Get him, Mr. Stripey!” Sakura yells while shoving the plush tiger’s mouth against Ango’s sleeve. If his suit wasn’t already wrinkled, it is now. “Eat him now!”
“I’m calling cleaners,” Ango announces to Dazai. “They’ll get here in the morning. Though, I would suggest looking into upgrading your current living accommodations.”
“Ango-kun, as if I have the money for that!”
“You’ll be getting a monthly stipend, of course,” Ango says. He stands up from his kneeling position. “At least until we can find a suitable home for these children where we’ll be certain they won’t run away after the first three nights.”
“Sounds counterintuitive,” Dazai says. “If these arrangements are meant to be temporary in the first place, then why should I be paying to get a bigger flat?”
“It’s going to take at least a few months, I predict.”
“And?”
“You can’t possibly hope to live like this for months,” Ango says as if it is common sense. “Please don’t tell me that’s what you were originally planning.”
Dazai’s lack of an answer is enough for Ango’s mouth to set firmly into a frown.
8.
“I want the big house.” Katsumi takes a sip of his soda.
“Too bad,” Dazai says. He bites into his burger, ketchup sloppily marring the tips of his lips. With a full mouth, he continues, “It’s way out of our price range.”
“Shouldn’t you have money saved up?” Shinji inquires.
“I don’t have access to it anymore,” Dazai grumbles. “Ango-kun told me I would be blowing my cover if I took anything out from that account. What a buzzkill~”
“We could be living like kings right now if it weren’t for him!” Kousuke agrees.
“I liked the big house,” Sakura comments shyly. “But I also don’t. It was too big. It feels lonely.”
“I want to have my own room already!” Yu says. “I can’t take Kousuke’s snoring anymore!”
“What did you say—?” Kousuke rolls up a sleeve and stands up from his seat, as if ready to fight Yu at a moment’s notice but steps down in defeat when he sees the pointed look Dazai gives him.
“Don’t fight while we’re eating. Settle it on the playground,” Dazai says.
“Can we go play laser tag again? That was fun,” Katsumi says. “Then Kousuke can shoot Yu as much as he wants. It’s perfect, right?”
“If we play laser tag again, Katsumi has to be on his own team this time. Otherwise, it’ll be unfair. He’s way better than all of us combined,” Shinji adds.
“He’ll still beat us anyways,” Dazai remarks dryly.
“I don’t like laser tag,” Sakura pouts.
“And it won’t stop Kousuke’s snoring,” Yu says.
“Stop bringing it up already!” Kousuke exclaims, punching Yu in the arm. Yu punches Kousuke back and it becomes a punching match of sorts.
Dazai and the rest of the kids choose to ignore it.
“Idiots,” Shinji mutters distastefully under his breath.
“Does this mean no laser tag?” Katsumi asks.
“Not today,” Dazai answers.
“ Man ,” Katsumi whines.
9.
“Hello, Dazai-san,” the clerk greets him. “The kids with you again?”
“As if I’d leave them home alone,” Dazai says accompanied by a loud yawn. He grabs out his wallet with barely opened eyes, trying to fish for the dollar bills needed to pay for the groceries. “I don’t trust them. Not in the slightest.”
“I think I understand that,” the clerk sheepishly replies right before a loud screech in the background is heard. It sounds like it belongs to Katsumi.
“Don’t worry, miss clerk-san,” Dazai says. “Soon, we’ll be out of your hair. You won’t have to see us anymore since we’re moving to another part of the city.”
“Oh. That’s too bad. I was starting to look forward to your visits. They’re always so lively.”
“Say, if you like us so much, you could always go out with me!” Dazai exclaims with a sparkle in his eyes. “Then we can commit the perfect double suicide together!”
“Please don’t say something like that when you’re responsible for the wellbeing of five children,” the clerk deadpans, not a drop of amusement to be found anywhere.
“Wait, Dazai-san! I need to put in one last—” Katsumi is shouting while running towards Dazai but is stopped by Kousuke who rams straight into him.
“Stop it already! I already said I was going to—”
“We’ve already hit the budget limit for this trip,” Dazai explains. Sakura comes from around the corner, begging Dazai to buy her one last lollipop to no avail.
“Trouble in paradise,” the clerk hums.
Dazai raises an eyebrow. “What paradise?”
10.
“Stop it, Ango-kun!” Dazai whines. “Did I say you could come in?”
“Do we have to go through the same song-and-dance every time I check up on the kids? You know I’m here strictly for business.”
“Then send someone else!”
“Stop being such a child, Dazai-kun,” Ango says exasperatedly while taking off his shoes and placing them neatly against the wall with the others. “I have to say, however, I am satisfied with your choice of the new apartment.”
“The kids voted on it.”
“Ah, that explains it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Never mind,” Ango quickly says, turning away from Dazai to inspect the apartment further.
Sakura sits on the couch in the living room (a big improvement from having no living room at all), hugging her plush tiger while a magical girl anime plays on the television. Shinji is against the wall of the living room, sitting in a comfy spot right up besides the miniature bookshelf. Ango’s eye twitches at seeing the complete guide to suicide lined up right next to innocuous children’s books.
“What?” Dazai asks, the twitch of Ango’s eye not escaping his notice.
“Nothing.” Ango walks past the kitchen and down the corridor. Dazai follows closely behind with light steps.
He takes a good look at the bathroom and is pleasantly surprised that it’s still clean. He glances into the kids’ bedroom and notes how similar the layout of the room is to the one the kids were staying in before.
“It was the easiest way to fit them all in here,” Dazai explains when Ango’s eyes rake over the bunkbeds. There’s various stickers already decorating the wooden support beams of the beds. He turns around to see Dazai playfully pressing a grumpy kitten sticker on his forehead. He snickers, adding, “It suits you!”
“Why do I even bother to visit?” Ango sighs, ripping the sticker off much to Dazai’s disappointment.
“Look, Ango-kun, the kitten even has glasses just like you! All that’s missing is a storm cloud over your head!”
Yu peeks his head from over the top bunker bed. Ango hadn’t even realized that one of the children is present in the room with them. “Can you guys keep it down? I’m trying to concentrate on my game here.”
“Did you finally beat the dungeon you were stuck on?” Dazai asks.
Yu shakes his head. “This stupid snake boss keeps killing me right before I hit the last switch. If only Katsumi hadn’t overwritten my save file… I swear, this is the last time I’m ever letting him borrow my game.”
Dazai outstretches an arm with a lazy smirk on his face. “I could beat it for you, if you want.”
“No way!” Yu snaps. “Go away, old man!”
“Ah, they grow up so fast,” Dazai says, mimicking the motion of wiping a tear from his eye.
“I’m quite convinced that you haven’t even grown up yet, Dazai-kun,” Ango states. “Where are the last two?”
“Dunno,” Dazai shrugs.
“What?”
“They ran off earlier. I was too lazy to go after them,” Dazai clarifies.
Ango looks at him with alertness in his eyes. “What if something happened to them? They could be hurt, or worse, kidnapped and held—”
“They’re fine,” Dazai says, crossing his arms. “The neighborhood’s safe.”
Ango jumps at the loud unexpected sound of glass shattering. Dazai doesn’t even flinch at the noise. Yu peeks his head curiously from over the bed in time to watch Dazai open the window. Ango follows Dazai to the window, peering his head out to see Katsumi and Kousuke on the patch of dirt besides the apartment complex. Kousuke sheepishly waves at Ango with his baseball glove while Katsumi looks embarrassed to be caught red-handed with a baseball bat in hand.
“Oh, Ango-kun, look,” Dazai points to the neighbor’s broken window. “Looks like Obasaan from next door won’t be lending us her sugar anymore.”
“Dear god,” Ango says.
“Could you pay for that window, by the way? We’ve been running low on funds.”
11.
It’s not raining this time.
It doesn’t make it any less easy to visit his grave. They all silently crowd around Odasaku’s grave. Sakura lays out the bouquet of flowers they picked up on the way there.
“It’s been a wild year, Odasaku,” Dazai softly says. “It’s all your fault,” he adds with no blame in his voice.
“Don’t be rude,” Kousuke tells Dazai off.
“Be quiet, both of you,” Shinji says, hands clasped and body in a praying pose.
They stay for a couple more minutes before Dazai decides they’ve stayed long enough. Dazai spares one last glance to the grave with a genuine smile, hoping Odasaku would be proud of him if he could see them now.
12.
Ango’s not sure what to expect when he knocks on the principal’s door. He walks in to see Dazai and the principal of the school locked in a stare down of sorts, exchanging passive aggressive glares at one another.
Ango sighs. “So, what’s the emergency?”
Dazai points accusingly at the man in the suit. “He’s threatening to report me to child protective services!”
“Tell me something new,” Ango mutters with fatigue.
“Ango-kun!” Dazai whines.
The principal eyes Ango curiously. “Are you his father?”
“ No ,” Ango says sternly while Dazai yells a much more childish, “ No way! ”
“I’m his friend,” Ango corrects. “And technically the worker in charge of overseeing the kids in his custody.”
“He’s only four years older than me!” Dazai argues.
“If only you acted your age,” Ango dryly says. “Maybe this misunderstanding wouldn’t have happened at all.”
Ango leans back in his chair, legs crossed. “So, what happened?”
“One of the students was found with this book,” the principal opens the drawer and pulls out the— yep, the complete guide to suicide. Why is Ango not surprised?
“Let me guess,” Ango says. “It was Shinji.”
“How did you know?” Dazai gasps with fake awe.
Ango wants to punch him in the face right now.
“You would be correct,” the principal says. “I tried contacting Oda Shinji’s guardian and this man shows up instead, claiming to be his caretaker.”
Ango’s eyes widen in surprise. “E—Excuse me, I’m not sure if I heard you wrong, but did you just say ‘Oda Shinji’…?”
The principal is bemused by Ango’s reaction. “Is that not his name?”
No , but Ango doesn’t say it. “I—I see…”
“I am his caretaker!” Dazai insists. “Tell him, Ango-kun!”
“He’s telling the truth,” Ango confirms. “I can even pull up the papers if you need proof. He’s been taking care of the…”
“Oda siblings,” Dazai interjects.
“…Oda siblings for more than a year now,” Ango says. “I know it may seem unlikely, but Dazai-kun has proven himself to be a somewhat capable guardian for the children, Shinji included.”
“This man said that this book belongs to him then asked me if I’d read it before,” the principal says dubiously. “Then he asked the secretary if she would—"
“I said somewhat ,” Ango cuts the man off. “Circumstances are difficult to explain, but they are what they are. Don’t report Dazai-kun to the authorities, it’ll give everyone an unnecessary headache.”
“Can I have my book back now?” Dazai asks, hand out.
***
“You gave them Odasaku’s last name,” Ango says, expression remaining neutral.
“Of course,” Dazai huffs. “They’re his kids, after all.”
“They’re your kids now.”
“We both know one Dazai is enough for this world.”
13.
Dazai has gotten quite used to his stay-at-home dad role. He’s gotten marginally better at cooking, though that’s not much of an achievement considering he had a hard time managing to not burn rice just two years ago. It feels weird going back to having an actual job.
“Wake up, you slacker!” Kunikida slams a stack of paperwork in front of him. “You haven’t even gotten started on anything today yet!”
“I’m tired,” Dazai complains, blinking open his eyes.
“You’re always tired!” Kunikida snaps. “I bet you spend most of your nights out at bars drinking. You seem like that type of troublesome person.”
“Well, you’re not wrong about the latter part…” Dazai sings.
“Don’t disgrace the name of the agency any further than you already have!” Kunikida shouts. “And get started on your work already! We have deadlines to meet.”
“Don’t wanna…”
Dazai spares a glance at the clock. He’s jealous of the kids, who all must already have gotten out from school by this time in the afternoon. Why do they get to go home early while Dazai has to get off at work later? It makes no sense!
He misses those port mafia days when he could slack off whenever he wanted and get paid ten times as much as his current pitiful salary.
His phone rings in his pocket. Dazai’s alert now, back straightening and eyes narrowed in suspicion. Ranpo spares a knowing glance towards Dazai.
He picks up the phone. “Kousuke? What is it?”
“Uh… D—Dazai-san…”
Dazai listens to Kousuke explain the situation. He sighs, from both relief from having an actual excuse to get out of work and fatigue from hearing about the newest troublesome circumstance. He nods his head. “Understood. I’ll be there right away.”
He hangs up the call, adjusting his beige coat.
“Leaving early?” Ranpo curiously inquires, though he probably already knows the answer.
“Dazai! Where are you going?” Kunikida shouts.
“The hospital,” Dazai says. “An emergency came up.”
Kunikida reels at the revelation. “An emergency? What kind of emergency?”
“You might want to take the agency car instead of a taxi,” Ranpo lazily states. He pushes a chip into his mouth. “The others are still at home. You should pick them up first, they’ll want to come.”
“Good idea!” Dazai exclaims. “Then, I’ll be taking the agency car—”
“ Not on your life ,” Kunikida says. “Or did you happen to conveniently forget what happened to the car last time you drove?”
“But Kunikida-kun, it’s a family emergency~” Dazai whines.
“Just let Kunikida-kun drive you guys,” Ranpo says. “Your driving will scare the kids, anyways.”
Dazai pouts. “Fine. Let’s just go then, Kunikida-kun. We don’t have all day.”
“Wait, you still haven’t explained anything—!” Kunikida argues after Dazai when they both exit the office. Ranpo smirks before grabbing another chip out of his bag to munch on.
***
“Sakura-chan, please stop crying,” Dazai gently pleads of the girl. He pats the small girl still in her school uniform on the back trying to soothe the girl. “We have a guest, see?”
“He has glasses, too,” Yu remarks. “But we already call the other guy ‘four eyes’.”
“Just call him rat tail instead,” Shinji says. “His fault for having such a lame hairstyle.”
“Sakura, stop crying so we can go to the hospital already!” Kousuke yells at Sakura. “Don’t you wanna go see if Katsumi’s okay or not? You’re holding us back!”
“ Kousuke ,” Dazai says, slight inclination of a warning tone in his voice. Sakura sniffles in Dazai’s grip.
“You were crying earlier, Kousuke,” Shinji says. “Don’t pretend like you were any better off.”
“T—That was earlier!” Kousuke says defensively, face turning red. “Anyways, let’s just go already!”
“Shinji, you ride shotgun,” Dazai orders. “I’ll stay in the back with Sakura-chan.”
“Sweet!” Shinji grins while Yu yells, “No fair! I want to sit in the front! Why does Shinji always get shotgun!”
The three kids race down the hallway, past a shellshocked Kunikida who stands frozen in front of Dazai’s doorway. Dazai lifts Sakura with one arm, who has her face buried in the crook of Dazai’s neck, and uses the other arm to lock the apartment door. He turns to Kunikida, innocuously waving a hand in front of the man’s face. “Kunikida-kun? Are you there?”
“I—” Kunikida chokes before shaking his head. “You— what? ”
“Didn’t you know, Kunikida-kun?” Dazai grins. “I’m a father of five! And they all have different mothers! If only I could’ve been successful in convincing any one of them to commit a beautiful double suicide with me—”
“Dazai, shut up ,” Kunikida snaps out of his trance to snarl.
Dazai pulls out a flower-patterned handkerchief from his pocket and hands it to Sakura, who gracefully accepts it to wipe her tears and blow her nose.
***
“Yoohoo, Katsumi-chan!” Dazai hollers (perhaps a bit too happily to be considered appropriate) from the entrance of the hospital room.
“Dazai-san,” Katsumi weakly greets. The other kids run up to the bed, trying to get a good look to see if the boy is alright. Kousuke stands on a chair to rest his chin right above the railing of the hospital bed. Kunikida stays near the room doorway as Dazai casually saunters in. There’s a large cast over Katsumi’s leg—my, my, what trouble has the boy gotten into now?
“I heard from a little bird that you did something stupid again,” Dazai says. “Ango-kun will be disappointed in you.”
“It was a bet!” Katsumi argues.
“It was a stupid bet then,” Dazai says.
“You wouldn’t understand!” Katsumi huffs.
“Don’t worry, Dazai-san, you’re right,” Shinji tells Dazai. “It was stupid.”
“So stupid!” Sakura sobs, tears streaking her face.
“You made Sakura-chan cry,” Shinji adds. “Hope you’re happy.”
“Kousuke cried too,” Yu adds with only a smidge of smugness.
“O—Oi! Don’t bring it up!”
Dazai barks out a short laugh before he remembers Kunikida is waiting at the door. Still keeping his smile while dropping his carefree nature, he excuses himself before slipping out the door with Kunikida. The moment he closes the door is when Kunikida immediately engages to confront his coworker.
“What the hell, Dazai?”
“What? Is it really that surprising?”
“You mean to tell me that you’ve had complete custody of five children this entire time since you’ve joined the agency and you’ve failed to bring it up even once?”
“It’s personal family matters,” Dazai lazily says. “You wouldn’t have believed me, anyways.”
“Five children!” Kunikida repeats it in disbelief. “Five. ”
“Is it really that unusual?”
“Whe—where did they even come from?”
“A friend. He was taking care of them, but then he died,” Dazai’s voice is tense when he explains. “I took over instead.”
“But—”
“I was eighteen at the time,” Dazai adds. “They insisted on staying with me. Really, it’s a lot of trouble I didn’t ask for but… I guess if nobody else is going to take them in, then I might as well.”
Dazai looks away. “That friend was very important to me.”
“…Just learning you even have friends would’ve been a surprise on its own,” Kunikida dryly comments. “I would’ve never expected it from you.”
“Which? The kids or friends?”
“Both.”
“Kunikida-kun, don’t be so mean~” Dazai pouts.
“You better be taking good care of them, you hear me?” Kunikida shoves his face in Dazai’s. “If I hear even one complaint of mistreatment, you’ll be damn sure I’ll be the first one to personally report you to CPS.”
“Kunikida-kun is such a protective mother hen,” Dazai coos. “Don’t worry. They’ll be alright.”
“No wonder you refused to take a room in the dorm. It’s all starting to make sense now.”
“I make sense?” Dazai gleefully teases. “For once in your life?”
“I’m going to kill you,” Kunikida states.
“No! You can’t do that, or else they’ll all become orphans again! Then Ango-kun will have to take care of them in my place!” Dazai places a hand over his forehead in a dramatic fashion. “Besides, if I have to die, I’d rather it be at the hands of myself, preferably with another beautiful—”
Kunikida pulls out his phone, mock-dialing a number. “Hello? Is this the Yokohama Child Services department?”
14.
“Rock paper scissors,” Katsumi declares.
“Fine,” Shinji says.
Katsumi chooses rock. Shinji chooses paper. Shinji smirks triumphantly in victory. “Strawberry it is!”
“Come on, Shinji. Nobody except you and Sakura likes strawberry! Not even Dazai-san!” Katsumi complains.
“I don’t like strawberry anymore,” Sakura says. “I want vanilla!”
“It’s my turn to pick. Deal with it.” Shinji opens the freezer door and grabs the carton of strawberry ice cream to toss it in the shopping cart that Katsumi begrudgingly pushes.
“Unbelievable,” Katsumi says.
“I won fair and square,” Shinji states.
“Guys!” Kousuke shouts in a somewhat hushed volume while he and Yu run together towards the three. “You’ll never believe what we saw!”
Sakura tilts her head. “What?”
“Come see for yourself,” Yu says. The five children inch towards an aisle of the supermarket where Dazai seems to be deep in conversation with a young fashionable lady. Sakura covers her mouth in the sight.
“Is this… love?” Sakura asks.
“Dazai-san, in love?” Shinji echoes dubiously with a scrunched nose. “Or more unbelievably, a woman willing to love Dazai back?”
“No way! Not possible!” Katsumi exclaims.
“They’ve been talking for ten minutes now. Kousuke can vouch for me,” Yu says. Kousuke nods in confirmation.
“You’ve been watching them talk for ten minutes? Talk about creepy,” Shinji says with a shudder.
“Does this mean there’s a possibility that she could become our new mommy?” Sakura notes.
“Don’t even say something like that!” Katsumi says. “She’s gonna dump Dazai-san like every other woman ever has!”
Dazai laughs at something the woman says.
“He laughed!” Sakura squeals. “He’s in love!”
“It’s only been ten minutes. It’s not that long at all,” Shinji says.
“Ten minutes is longer than Dazai-san’s ever lasted with any woman,” Kousuke says.
“I hate that you’re right,” Shinji groans. “Maybe the idiot’s finally figured out not to propose double suicide until at least the third date.”
“Dazai-san… having common sense…” Kousuke says in horror as if the mere concept is too inconceivable to think about.
Dazai turns his head just slightly so his visible eye can meet with Shinji’s for a split second. Shinji’s eyes widen in realization before he puts his face into his hands in shame and defeat.
“He’s toying with us,” Shinji concludes rather quickly.
“Eh? How can you tell?” Kousuke asks, squinting his eyes.
“I knew it!” Katsumi screams.
“Aww…” Sakura groans disappointedly.
“What do you mean ‘Aww’? You wanted her to become our new mom?” Yu asks.
“She’s pretty,” Sakura argues.
“She looks too good to be with Dazai-san,” Kousuke says.
“Who is she, then? Do they know each other?” Yu asks.
“I think we’re about to find out,” Shinji says pointing to Dazai and the odd lady walking together towards the group. They collectively step back except for Kousuke, whose feet remain firmly planted in place.
“It seems that I’ve raised a bunch of eavesdroppers,” Dazai says, hands stuffed in the pockets of his beige coat.
“They’re cute, at least,” the lady says.
“Aren’t they?” Dazai excitedly agrees. “They’ve arrived at rather wrong assumptions when they spotted the two of us talking.”
She smiles haughtily at the thought. “Oh?”
“In case any of you were wondering, this is Yosano-sensei,” Dazai gestures to Yosano, “She serves as the Armed Detective Agency’s doctor!”
“I must say, it’s a pleasure to finally meet Dazai’s kids,” Yosano says. “I hear stories from Ranpo-san every once in a blue moon. If it weren’t for Kunikida-kun’s confirmation, I would’ve kept believing it was some kind of on-going joke around the agency.”
“Nobody believed me when I said I was a father of five,” Dazai whines.
“So… you guys just work together, right?” Katsumi asks. “That’s it?”
Yosano snickers. “That’s it.”
“You don’t like like each other?” Sakura adds.
“I’m afraid my standards are too high for that,” Yosano even put on a slightly apologetic tone just for show. “My apologies, little girl.”
“Yosano-sensei, you could’ve answered her question without belittling me!” Dazai complains. “By the way, Katsumi-chan, where did you put the cart?”
“What do you mean? It’s right here…” Katsumi trails off when he realizes said cart has disappeared.
“ I’m pushing the cart next time,” Kousuke announces.
15.
Dazai doesn’t bother to hide the fact that he hates dogs. He despises them, both literal and metaphorical, of all shapes and sizes with no exceptions.
He stares straight into the eyes of the soulless animal while kneeling, eyebrows furrowed, and body strung like a bow as if he’s ready to fight with the golden retriever at any given moment. The five kids watch apprehensively, not for the first time questioning their legal guardian’s sanity.
“What is he doing?” Yu asks in a hushed voice.
“How should I know?” Kousuke snaps.
“He’s not mad. That’s a miracle on its own already,” Shinji observes.
“That means we’re not in trouble, right? Right?” Katsumi whispers.
“Quiet! He’s concentrating!” Sakura says.
Dazai hums. He inches forward a little, not breaking the gaze he shares with the dog. The dog doesn’t back away.
“…Concentrating on what, exactly?” Shinji adds.
“I think this is just a Dazai thing,” Kousuke says.
“It has to be,” Yu agrees.
“Foul beast,” Dazai says, ignoring the kids’ ogling stares. “Thou should not have entered thy territory. Leave at once, mongrel.”
The dog blinks at Dazai’s words. Another moment passes where neither the animal nor the tall lanky man move, completely frozen in their positions. All five kids wait in anticipation for something to happen, until—
The dog rushes forward in the instance of a second, biting Dazai’s arm. It bites hard enough where Dazai can’t simply shake the mouth latched onto him but not hard enough where its teeth pieces his skin.
Dazai, unamused and arm still stuck in the dog’s mouth, turns to the kids.
“You’re all grounded for a week.”
A chorus of groans. Kousuke cries tyranny. Katsumi may have started trying to pin all the blame on Kousuke in the moment in a desperate last attempt to weasel out of punishment. Sakura approaches the Golden retriever and tries to latch it away from Dazai’s arm, to no avail. Eventually, Yu is able to lure it away from Dazai with a stray piece of meat as per Shinji’s idea, who has no intention of helping Dazai especially if Dazai is going to indiscriminately punish them all.
16.
Somehow, even after a week, the dog is still around.
Dazai blames the kids. He wanted to take the dog to the pound, but of course, all the kids objected with screams of the cruel treatment and the unnecessary euthanizing that happens in those horrid places. Dazai figures it’s more trouble than it’s worth, so he sets the dog free near the park where the kids had found it in the first place.
He feels a sense of déjà vu when the dog is sitting by the entrance of his apartment complex, tail wagging until Dazai gets close enough. Then it jumps on him, trying to bite as his arm again . Dazai lets out an annoyed “tsk” at the creature, face morphed in absolute disgust.
When Dazai slams his door in the dog’s face, he’s further bothered by the whimpering it makes. It’s only further escalated when it starts barking, most likely realizing whimpering doesn’t do anything, and oh lord does he get an earful from the next-door neighbor grandma (who was already on bad terms with them ever since the window-shattering incident) who threatens to complain to the landlord.
That cycle repeats. Three times. The landlord actually does get involved the third time when granny goes through with her threat, with Dazai trying to explain the situation, and the landlord ignoring everything in lieu of simply telling Dazai to “find a solution” or “find a new apartment to lease”.
Of course, this all leads to Ango using what little spare time he has to hear out Dazai’s request.
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” Ango says mirthlessly at the sight of the dog. “This is the ‘emergency’ you called me here for? You know I was dealing with something important, right?”
“This is an emergency!” Dazai cries. “It’s done nothing except harass me time after time! I want it gone already, Ango-kun! Do something about it!”
Ango’s eye twitches. “It’s a dog.”
“I hate dogs; you know I hate dogs!”
“No, I didn’t.”
“Still! It keeps coming back here after I leave it anywhere in Yokohama, even near the border, and I don’t know why! Shoo already, mutt!” Dazai uses a leg to motion for the golden retriever to leave, but the dog merely wags its tail in response only moving slightly to avoid being hit by it. “Begone, demon!”
“Do you think one of the kids is behind this?” Ango asks, pushing up his glasses.
“I also thought so at first,” Dazai huffs, “but I checked the stupid mutt for a tracking device, and couldn’t find anything. Plus, they’ve been grounded all week. I’ve been keeping a close eye on them.”
“So, it’s somehow already memorized your address,” Ango muses with a slight bit of humor in his voice.
“Maybe I need a memory-wiping ability user to help me,” Dazai grumbles. “Hopefully, it would work on dogs too.”
“Why do you even hate dogs? Is there a particular incident that made you hate them?”
“They’re annoying and they’re much harder to deal with than humans! I don’t need any more reason than that. This one tries to bite me at every opportunity, too.”
Ango raises an eyebrow at Dazai before wordlessly kneeling down. The dog, curious, approaches Ango and sniffs the man’s uniform. Ango, body completely relaxed, reaches out a hand with his palm up. His hand slowly comes up to rub the Golden retriever’s chin before gently brushing by the side of its head to pet it on top. The Golden retriever raises its head to lick Ango’s hand in response. Dazai doesn’t even try to hide the blatant surprise written all over his face.
“Maybe because you haven’t been treating it well,” Ango retorts. “You really don’t know how to handle a dog of all things.”
“Great idea, Ango-kun!” Dazai exclaims. “You’ll take it off our hands and—”
“You know my job makes that impossible,” Ango interjects. “Honestly at this point, I would if I could. However, I’m already pushing it with my visits here. I refuse to take on responsibilities I know I won’t be able to manage.”
“Ango-kun,” Dazai whines. “Please?”
“I’m not taking the dog in, Dazai-kun.”
“Boo,” Dazai complains. He reaches out a hand towards the golden retriever. The small creature barks in response and Dazai retracts his hand so that the neighbors don’t get alerted. Again.
“Here,” Ango sighs. “Don’t make eye-contact. Reach your hand out, but from a distance. Relax your body. It’ll be scared of you if you’re scared of it.”
“I’m not scared of dogs,” Dazai snaps. “It’s just a lowly mutt, who would even be scared of it?”
“Just do it,” Ango says.
“…Fine,” Dazai sneers, “but don’t make it a habit of ordering me around. It pisses me off.”
“Well, I wouldn’t even be here if you knew what you were doing,” Ango says offhandedly.
With some trial and error as well as a little help from Ango, Dazai finally gets to the point where he’s able to touch the Golden retriever without the dog trying to bite or growl at him every second. They’re still not on the best terms, but it’s marginally better than before.
“See? That wasn’t so hard,” Ango comments.
“It was,” Dazai says. “I had to submit to a dog . A mongrel, Ango-kun! My reputation is ruined!”
“You’ll survive,” Ango dryly counters.
17.
Dazai gets a strange feeling he’s been duped one way or another when he sneakily catches Kousuke and Shinji exchanging a high five in the hallway after announcing the Golden retriever’s more-than-likely permanent stay at their residence. The kids are getting cleverer while under his rule.
“What should we name him?” Sakura asks.
“We don’t even know if it’s a girl or boy yet,” Shinji points out.
“I’ve already set an appointment with the vet tomorrow morning,” Dazai declares. “Nobody at the agency cares if I show up late anyways, so it’ll be alright~”
“Can we come?” Sakura asks with excitement in her eyes.
“Denied,” Dazai singsongs, “everyone has school at that time.”
“This is a ‘family matter’ though,” Katsumi says, slight hope in his voice.
The look Dazai shoots Katsumi shuts the boy right up.
***
“Pochi! Fetch, Pochi!”
Katsumi throws the frisbee, but the dog sits in place with his tail wagging and mouth open. Dazai thinks about how much of a disgrace it is that their dog is this stupid.
A stupid dog that can’t even recognize its own stupid name.
“Come here, Pochi!” Yu holds up a dog treat and waves it. “Pochi” approaches Yu slowly, but surely. Yu seems convinced that maybe, just maybe the dog might’ve gotten accustomed to the name “Pochi”. Unfortunately for Dazai, he knows better. Oh, how nice it must feel to be ignorant.
It was meant to be a completely harmless joke. Dazai swears it on Odasaku’s grave. He didn’t mean for… it to happen.
“Pochi, come back!” Kousuke calls out when the Golden retriever runs after another dog while off-leash. “ Pochi!”
“I,” Dazai hisses under his breath, “despise this mutt with all my being.”
A prank! Why does the golden retriever have to torment him like this? No, he refuses to call it by the name it wants to respond to. The kids will be disappointed that he, apparently , named the dog himself with no input from them.
As if he ever meant to. Which, he didn’t! Dogs are stupid, too stupid. Dazai regrets giving into the kids by letting them keep the damn thing.
“Pochi!” The kids are screaming repeatedly. People are starting to stare. Tch.
“Chuuya! ” Dazai yells only once. The golden retriever comes running back. The kids are staring at him now: two of them in awe, one with an are-you-serious-right-now kind of expression on their face, the rest in confusion.
All of them watch as the dog leaps at Dazai, its teeth grabbing Dazai’s sleeve and ripping it as if it knows that the nickname had initially been given in spite.
Dazai wants to die.
***
They can’t do much about it.
“Chuu-Chuu!” Sakura calls when she finishes filling up the dog’s bowl. Chuu-Chuu sprints to gobble down the dog food in bowl. Is this really happening? Or has Dazai succeeded in committing suicide and this is all just his personal purgatory?
“What kind of name is Chuuya, anyways?” Kousuke asks, arms crossed and discontent with the fact that Dazai named the dog without them. Just as predicted.
“It’s a name fit for a mutt,” Dazai says without skipping a beat.
It’s true.
18.
“Nice apron, Kunikida-kun. You look like a housewife, but it fits you,” Yosano comments. Kunikida draws a sharp deep breath in an effort to control his temper, and it somehow works.
Ranpo unhelpfully relaxes in a chair by the dining table, tipping himself back and forth using two of the chair legs. He’s sucking on a lollipop that was donated courtesy of Sakura, who apparently has a secret stash somewhere around the house that Dazai hasn’t found yet. Of course, Ranpo knows where it is, but he’s not a snitch.
Dazai, banned by Kunikida to help even cut up vegetables, has been relegated to cleaning duty.
“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Kunikida seethes.
“Should I have recorded it to play back for you, then?” Ranpo gleefully asks.
“What are you making, anyways?” Yosano adds.
Kunikida turns on the stove with frantic hands, trying to multitask but just barely succeeding in doing so. “Curry. Dazai-kun says it’s a favorite of the kids. I’m trying to follow the exact recipe he gave me. I need to make a large enough portion that will be able to feed everyone.”
Yosano raises an eyebrow when Kunikida almost knocks over a bowl of sliced peeled potatoes when trying to cross from one side of the counter to the other. “Need help?”
“Please,” Kunikida grits out, shame completely thrown out the window. Yosano smirks but pulls out a clean knife from one of the drawers and gets to work on some of the piled vegetables on the kitchen counter. Dazai flitters in and out of the kitchen, only stopping to occasionally joke around with Kunikida much to the man’s absolute fury, but otherwise dutiful in his chores.
Ranpo takes out the lollipop, or what used to be one, displeased to find nothing on the end of stick anymore. He could pester Sakura for another, but he decides not to. He saunters over to the note taped near Kunikida’s head, analyzing the so-called recipe that Dazai has saved.
“How sentimental,” Ranpo muses, understanding the importance of it with only a few seconds glance at the messily sprawled note.
The doorbell rings. There’s a bit of skittering around, sound of footsteps and paws against the hard-wooden floor drowning out the movie playing in the living room. Chuu-Chuu begins to bark which is then followed by Dazai berating the dog, calling it a stupid mutt, and exacerbating the Golden retriever further.
Ranpo’s not surprised when Naomi and Junichiro pop into the kitchen a second later, both bemused initially at the mundane situation.
“Dazai-san has a dog?” Junichiro asks.
“He acquired it recently,” Ranpo answers. “Two of the kids tricked him into keeping it. Quite impressive work.”
“That means two of them are turning out to be just like the suicidal maniac already,” Kunikida hisses. “If we’re lucky, the other three won’t follow.”
“Sakura-chan’s already picked up a lot of Dazai’s habits. You just don’t see it because she’s good at hiding it,” Ranpo laughs.
“What are you guys up to?” Naomi curiously inquires.
“Kunikida-kun’s making curry for everyone,” Yosano hums. “I’m helping so he doesn’t feel overwhelmed.”
“I’m having the time of my life,” Ranpo declares. “You guys won’t believe how much blackmail material I have on Dazai now.”
Kunikida mutters under his breath how blackmail is unbecoming of an agency member. Ranpo chooses to ignore that.
“Oh yeah, I already told Dazai-san, but the President said he’d be running a little late. He apparently got caught up with something along the way,” Naomi says.
“Stray cat. Typical,” Ranpo says flatly.
Chuu-Chuu starts barking in the background again when the doorbell rings. Ranpo shakes his head in disappointment, already knowing the cause without a second thought. “Haruno-san shouldn’t have brought her cat with her.”
***
The apartment isn’t suited to fit a large party, but they somehow manage. There’s not enough chairs to go around, which is alright since some of the kids like Shinji or Yu don’t mind sitting on the floor in the living room, having gotten used to it in their lazy habits of being too wrapped up in a book or a game respectively.
Fukuzawa does arrive in time when they’re ladling generous portions of the curry Kunikida made into plastic bowls. He sits gracefully on the couch in the living room, squeezed in between a sleeping Chuu-Chuu and a Sakura whose attention is solely focused on the movie playing on the television screen. Dazai has to deliver her bowl of curry for her because her investment in the film is apparently greater than any desire to eat curry. Most of the agency members lounge around the dining table, with Kousuke at the helm capturing everyone’s attention with his storytelling.
When everyone is seemingly settled, Dazai sits on the other side of Chuu-Chuu, not disturbing the dog in its slumber. He takes a bite of the curry and tries not to smile at the bitter reminisce of Odasaku. He instead focuses on the movie, despite not having watched the first half of it, or on the warm weight of Chuu-Chuu against his leg.
Happy anniversary, Dazai thinks to himself. It’s a day easier to celebrate than his own birthday, Dazai finds.
19.
Atsushi stands in front of Dazai’s apartment door, not having bothered to change into casual clothes from his fancy suit.
He knocks on the door. He’s not sure what to expect, but he definitely doesn’t think that a small eight-year-old girl with a party hat atop of her head would answer the door.
“You’re not Momo,” Sakura states.
“I—uh—s—sorry!” Atsushi bows deeply. “I think I must’ve gotten the wrong address!”
“Oh, Atsushi-kun?”
Atsushi squeaks at the sight of his mentor with his own party hat on his head. Dazai’s still wearing the full suit attire that would’ve fit far better in the fancy venue that they’re both missing out on at the moment. The contrast of the sharp outfit with the silly hat makes Dazai look laughable. They both look out of place right now.
“I, uh—” Atsushi’s mind is scrambling at a hundred miles per hour right now. Not in any organized manner, however. “I heard that you didn’t show up to the party…”
“You—! Come back here, Kousuke! ”
Two boys—one with cake smeared on his cheek and the other with a frosted-covered hand—run laps around Dazai’s feet. Dazai looks expectantly at Atsushi, pretending as if everything is completely normal, to continue explaining his reasoning.
“You—I mean—” Atsushi takes a deep breath to recollect himself. “I just wanted to talk with you,” he says with burning red cheeks.
“Atsushi-kun, turn into a tiger right now,” Dazai commands.
“What? Y—there are children here—I mean why are there even children here but it’s dangerous either way—!”
“Atsushi-kun, now .”
Atsushi reluctantly makes tiger ears pop out from his head, a tail appear from his pants, and fur generate over his face and hands.
“Look, Sakura-chan, doesn’t he remind you of someone?” Dazai amusedly whispers to Sakura. Sakura’s jaw drops and her eyes twinkle in amazement. She runs up and hugs Atsushi, much to poor Atsushi’s yelp of surprise.
“Mr. Stripey!” Sakura exclaims.
“Wha—” Atsushi turns a brighter red.
“Would you like some cake?” Dazai offers. “We have plenty enough to go around.”
“I want to feed the man tiger!” Sakura insists. “Can I, can I, please Dazai-san?”
“That depends on the ‘man tiger’ himself, I’m afraid,” Dazai says with a smile wide upon his lips. “What do you think, Atsushi-kun?”
“Absolutely not!” Atsushi refuses, blushing harder.
Sakura starts crying and Atsushi feels hot shame crawl on his back when the other kids start shooting him a judgmental look. After Atsushi, flustered completely red with humiliation, denies the girl’s request for the umpteenth time, Sakura walks away with slight sniffles. He’s mortified until Dazai informs him that it was all a ploy, and that Sakura’s become quite well-versed in the art of crocodile tears.
Only after Dazai explicitly confirms that she’s his “daughter”, in the legal sense, is when Atsushi finally understands the old addendum of “like father, like daughter”.
***
Atsushi looks at the photograph of Dazai together with five children. Now, he understands why Kunikida-kun tried to stop him from going to Dazai’s apartment. He’s sure Kunikida-kun didn’t specify the exact reason because Atsushi wouldn’t have believed it unless he saw it with his own eyes.
“They’re quite lovely, aren’t they,” Dazai remarks, rubbing a thumb against the frame. “It took eleven tries before we finally got the perfect shot.”
Atsushi tries to imagine how the photo shoot must’ve went, with Dazai standing in the midst of five rowdy children running circles around each other. No, the girl must be well-behaved enough to stay still as well as the boy in the sweater who looks completely relaxed in the photograph while the other three are more prone to be labelled troublemakers. Atsushi’s gotten decently well at identifying what traits a kid might have based on only appearance from his days at the orphanage.
“This is all so surreal…” Atsushi says.
“Isn’t it?” Dazai sings with a chuckle. “It’s not something you would’ve ever expected, right?”
“Not at all but… in a way, it kinda makes sense in hindsight,” Atsushi explains. “I wouldn’t have expected you to be good with kids, but you’ve always been very kind to me, Dazai-san, since we first met. And you’ve always been kind to Kyouka-chan too. So, maybe it’s not all that surprising.”
Dazai gapes like a fish. Atsushi can’t stop the awkward smile on his face at his mentor’s dumbfounded expression.
“…Thank you, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai says sincerely.
Atsushi’s smile turns from awkward to genuine. He stares at the photo as he brings a forkful of cake to his lips. Dazai’s eyes in the photo look… real . That’s the best way to describe it. He looks actually happy for a change, nothing like the goofball smile he usually put up. He can’t stop looking at the photo to analyze his mentor’s face.
“Would you like to see the whole photo album?” Dazai asks with a grin. Atsushi nods wordlessly, perplexed.
Dazai pulls a thin yellow book out from the bookshelf, handing it to Atsushi. “I’m gonna go see what the kids are up to,” he says. “Feel free to leave whenever you like. Unless you’d like to meet the others for yourself. No need to be shy~”
Atsushi watches Dazai turn to leave. “Oh wait,” Dazai says, pausing. “By the way, if any of the kids comes up to you and offers you a cookie, it’d be in your best interest to turn them down. Same thing if they ask you to help them tie their shoelaces. Don’t ask. Other than that, have fun!”
Atsushi, naturally, wants to ask but his burning curiosity of the contents of the photo album overwhelms any questions he may have had. He gingerly opens it, fully understanding how important it must be.
A photo of two boys smiling at a batting cage. Another boy is off at the side with his arms crossed, disinterested and most likely unaware that the photo was being snapped at the time.
A girl and a boy posing with the fish at the aquarium. Three other boys have their backs turned from the camera, but they seem to be making faces from what little of their reflections on the glass could be made out.
Dazai and one of the boys looking thoroughly immersed in the shooting game at the arcade. The photo is so perfectly timed so that a cup of soda could be seen halfway through falling (presumably from Dazai’s intense swing) from its precarious position atop of the neighboring arcade machine.
A group photo of Dazai and all five kids at an amusement park. Dazai’s helping Sakura hold up a large bear plush toy. One of the boys is caught halfway through a sneeze. Another boy has cotton candy stuck all over his mouth. It’s far from a perfect shot, but it’s… open. Candid. Shows exactly what the moment must’ve been like.
Nighttime. Dazai’s wrapped in more bandages than usual. The girl is wearing a bunny onesie for a costume. One of the boys is dressed up like a baseball player. Two other boys are wearing matching black suits and carrying what Atsushi will presume are toy guns painted black. The last boy is wearing a detective suit. Is that Ranpo-san in the shot with them? He’s posing with the detective boy, the actual detective looking unbelievably smug while staring straight at the camera.
Fireworks in the river’s reflection. The girl’s fast asleep, her head resting on Dazai’s shoulder as the man carries her in his arms. One of the boys has his ears covered with his hands. Two other boys are looking up at the sky with awed expressions. The last boy is looking straight at the camera with a dumbfounded expression. Atsushi realizes after a couple of seconds of looking at this picture that the one who must’ve taken this picture would’ve had to done so from a boat since all six were standing over the edge of a bridge facing the direction of the river.
Dazai. It’s just Dazai. No children can be seen in the shot, though various toys can be seen scattered amidst the grass. His mentor looks peacefully young, for once, while leaning against the trunk of a tree with his head lolled forward. He must be resting, Atsushi realizes. He looks ephemeral under the shade of the tree, speckles of light sifting through where the leaves’ shadow didn’t shelter him from the sun. The picture is taken at a weird angle, but it shows off how nice of a summer afternoon that day must’ve been. In the corner is a blurred shadow—a finger accidentally covering part of the lenses, perhaps.
Atsushi gently closes the photo album. It’s silly because he knows Dazai is the one who handed it to him to look through in the first place, however…
Atsushi feels as though he’s just witnessed something deeply personal to Dazai-san that he shouldn’t have. He gulps, feeling slightly shaken and perhaps even overwhelmed from the information he’s processed in such little time.
“Wow…” Atsushi whispers. He feels a strange new respect for his mentor in ways he hadn’t before. “Dazai-san…”
“Cookie?”
One of the recognizable boys from the photo is holding out a cookie platter, smiling innocently at Atsushi. Atsushi goes white as a sheet, remembering Dazai’s words clearly, jumping back a little. “N-No thank you…”
“Just one,” the boy pleads.
“D—Dazai-san!” Atsushi yells while scrambling on his feet to run away. He squeals when he trips over Chuu-Chuu, tumbling onto the ground on all fours while the vicious barks of Chuu-Chuu mix in with the background noise of music, chatter, and laughter.
***
Another knock on the door. Dazai answers it this time, knowing Sakura’s currently preoccupied with opening presents with her friends.
He opens it to see nothing but a minimally wrapped package laying on the door mat. An elegant red ribbon sits on top of it. Dazai lifts it to inspect the tag attached.
Sorry, I couldn’t make the party this year. Too much work right now. Give Sakura-chan my best regards. Will try to make Kousuke’s birthday. – Ango
“Ango-kun, you sly dog,” Dazai huffs. He adds it onto the pile, nonetheless.
Maybe next year.