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Why do you always look at me like that?Your frozen eyes always stare at my own dull ones,as a reminder...A reminder...A reminder that,according to you,I'm supposed to love and respect,but in all honesty,I despise.Perhaps you are right,though...you are always right...After all,I trust you blindly,don't I?Now that I think about it,you can't possibly be wrong in our case...
Expecting me to train endlessly,no matter what,forcing me to slaughter as many titans as possible..it's only natural.I deserve this kind of treatment.I'm nothing more but the broken,filthy machine you picked up from that shithole...the toy that you had to assemble,clean and dress up to your liking..the toy that you turned into a human weapon...no,not human.I lost the privilege of being a human being years back.I'm only a weapon.Nothing more...But I still don't get it.You did turn me into the monster that you wanted.So,what am I doing wrong?Oh,wait...I forgot.I still haven't mastered every task that you gave me.I don't rest good enough in order to fight the titans better.Since I'm too busy finishing off all of your paperwork or sleeping on the frozen floor instead of a bed...you say that it's for my own good...to make me stronger...rougher...emotionless.Right?Sometimes,I find myself envying you.I apologize.I really do.Will you beat me up,again?I haven't received a good beating in a long time.I guess you missed seeing the blood run down my pale ski.I remember the satisfied smirk you had everytime you heard me scream my heart out because of the pain.Was it a beautiful sight?I'd love to make you smile like that again.That's why I'm heare,after all.To satisfy you,psycologically and physically.Oh,perhaps that's where I failed you the most,right?It's quite amusing,actually,isn't it.The fact that I,one of the dirtiest and most experienced whores withing these walls can't even reach the lowest amount of pleasure you expect me to offer.I decided to kick the ball to your court.I allowed you to use me in any way you please.Not that I had much of a choice,anyway...
I remember all the times that you returned back from your fancy meetings,frustrated and drunk.You always grabbed my hair and pulled me into your room despite my pleas and crying.You kept shouting that if I didn't shut up,worse things would come.But I couldn't mute my depression.It was too painful.I wasn't strong enough...I remember how madly you tried to injure me.It seemed as if you were desperate to fill my body with bruises and scars.You had the habbit of beating me up 'till I couldn't form a single word..That's when you always grabbed the chance to take advantage of my skills as a prostitute.It was then because you knew I was unable to scream for help...Did it feel good touching me?Fucking me?Were my skills good enough?No...I'm sure not.The words that escaped your mouth were "weak","waste of time","filthy"...."worthless".I'm so...s-sorry...for not being perfect...for constantly disappointing you...for not being the 'object' you craved for me to turn into.But now,after being entirely disappointed by me,you are here.I failed you,for once more.
My body is crumbled.Every bone is broken.I can't be used anymore.My white as snow skin is dressed in crimson.I'm even filthier than before...disgusting...repulsive...I can't even keep my emotions hidden anymore.I'm crying...my face looks horrible,already.The tears make it even worse....So,why are you looking at me like that?So differently?I haven't seen a look like that,directed towards me,in ages.Your eyes..they don't have the same frozen look anymore..instead,they own a dark blue,filled with pain and sorrow color.Why?Aren't you supposed to punish me?You shouldn't hold me so gently...Even now...at my last moments...I made a mistake.
I can't take this anymore,I-I...Why do I always have to fuck up everything?What did I do wrong?What the hell do I always keep doing wrong?I...I think I know now...I fell for you,hard...Fell for those crystal blue eyes that are now filled with similar tears as mine...They say that when you die,the last sense that you lose is your hearing.As my eyes close,I see your begging form desperately staring back at my lifeless one.The last thing I get to hear is your broken voice,constantly asking for forgiveness.
I got reborn thanks to you,Erwin Smith...and now,I get to lose myself into your warm,comforting embrace.It gives a beautiful warm sensation,that's running through my veins before my body turns as cold as a stone...I guess living a life by your side,despite the torture,was not bad...not bad at all...