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Obi-Wan was offended still. His look of constant annoyance was so funny it made Qui-Gon chuckle—but only when his padawan was not gazing in his direction. He allowed his dear one to bury himself some more in his aggravation but walked over to him to take the heavy bag the younger man was heaving out of their transporter.
“Don’t think that everybody around you acts out of ill intent, my Padawan,” he finally tried to soothe his companion.
“I am not,” Obi-Wan lied or made himself believe his words. He followed him with his arms crossed in front of his chest and his head shaking to underline his claim. His frown got even deeper. “Don’t you think it is very odd that we were sent on this mission that literally is no mission at all?”
“Enlighten me, Obi-Wan! What is your definition of the term ‘mission’ and why does it render our stay on this planet unfit to be called as such when wise masters like Master Yoda and Master Ki-Adi-Mundi believe it to be important enough to send us here?”
“That’s exactly it!” Obi-Wan had followed him into the dwelling that would be their home for the next two weeks. It was a building made out of glass and steel mostly but the abandoned research facility reminded one more of a solitary refuge than an establishment of science. “Look around you, Master!”
“I already did.”
They were situated on top of a mountain surrounded by jagged peaks and unusual rock formations that looked like the next storm would blow them over with ease when research had proven them to have existed like this for various tens of thousands of years. Deep below them valleys of rich flora curled themselves around the crags like colourful veins hiding the many rivulets underneath their manifold of thick leaves upon leaves. There was no sentient life to be gazed upon, though.
“Then you have to wonder,” Obi-Wan continued to defend his opinion, “why we were sent here. There are no wars to be prevented, there is no dispute to be solved, there are no pieces of advice to be given or any investigations to be done! There is not even some kind of research to be conducted!”
It was all true and yet it was not. Therefore, he reminded Obi-Wan of Yoda’s words. “Your claims are only half the truth. Remember! We were sent here to check on the logs concerning the seismic activity on this wondrous planet.”
“Which can be read via direct communications!”
“Indeed, but once in a while somebody has to check if the gear is still recording correctly.”
Obi-Wan looked at him like he did not at all care if his explanation was true or not. It was a pity that his young companion did not see the importance of worlds like this. They may not have been influential to the larger scale of the universe, but they were a miracle in themselves and worth being protected and loved.
“What would we even do if there was a volcanic eruption?” Obi-Wan did not admit defeat ever, which was a quality Qui-Gon appreciated in any Jedi.
“We don’t know yet if beastlike life has developed since the last humanoid has stepped foot on this planet.” He dropped the bag on the seat next to him and turned to put a hand on his padawan’s shoulder. “But we are about to find out! See? We indeed are scholars of the living right now.”
“That’s only one way to put it, Master.”
Qui-Gon noticed that his fingers were still resting on Obi-Wan’s shoulders, but since the younger man did not seem to mind, he let them stay there a little longer. It made a smile appear on his features. “And how would you put it, my Padawan?”
Obi-Wan’s lips turned into a thin line and his frown deepened. To Qui-Gon he looked more cute than alarming like this. “They wanted us gone! It’s as simple as that! They think that we need to rest after the troubles we experienced on Badogg… that we are not strong enough to do proper work after a single protracted mission!”
“And you don’t grant me that rest even though I got exhausted to the brink of breaking physically?”
Obi-Wan stiffened, his eyes going wide like in shock. He even made a step back like their touch was suddenly offensive because of his mistake. “Master, I… I was not aware that you begged for some downtime!”
“Well, I did not. My former master must have picked up on my state and talked to the council on my behalf.” Qui-Gon hated to see his dear one feel guilty like this—a lower lip being bitten and an already pale face turning almost colourless. He closed the distance between them again and allowed himself some more weakness. He took Obi-Wan into his arms. “Don’t feel bad about it! I did not want you to see my fatique.”
“That makes it even worse!” Obi-Wan declared with such passion that Qui-Gon expected the young man to push him away. He did not. Actually, he threw his arms around his shoulders and drew him even closer. “I am your padawan! You should have trust in me! You have to have trust in me! How else am I supposed to be able to aid you when needed?”
“I do trust you more than any other in this universe. If somebody truly knows me—the good and the bad—it is you.” He loosened the grip around him and jokingly tipped on the cleft in Obi-Wan’s chin that Qui-Gon found so endearing. It had the desired effect: His padawan stared at him even more annoyed then he had been a moment before. “This does not mean that we are on a holiday, mind you! I expect you to lend me a hand when I go through the recordings and check on all the technical devices here that are manifold and may need some preventive mending. Understood?”
“So, this is a real mission after all?” Obi-Wan asked.
“The council is not cruel but they don’t appreciate idleness. Nor am I! So, let’s hurry up and settle in properly, so we can have a proper meal for midday!”
*****
It was not too bad an idea. Outside the air was clean, almost scentless and unchanged by human greed… but it was also thin and unbearably hot at this hour of day even though they were up in the mountains. The plateau the facility had been built upon was the only one as far as the eye could see and therefore the only place where even the smallest of ships could land safely. Getting rid of hindrances there was the first thing Obi-Wan did before his master could even ask it of him. He did it because he had the feeling that Qui-Gon would have tucked up his sleeves to help if he did not finish it as fast as possible himself. After he had been informed about his master’s state, he did not wish for that. He bit his lip again, thinking of how negligent he must have been not to notice it. Even though Qui-Gon had tried to hide it from him, he should have seen it. He must have seen it! How could he tell himself in his hours of desperate longing that he loved this man, when he did not even sense him breaking apart—and there was no other explanation for Qui-Gon to have accepted a mission so clearly designed for him to rest and rebuild strength.
Obi-Wan stopped raking and leaned on the grate to think firmly.
Had Qui-Gon gotten physically hurt as well? Being exhausted was one thing, being wounded a completely different one. It actually had been a while since his master had shown himself to him naked or even half naked as he normally did without a second thought when they had to share a fresher or washed themselves in some river or lake. If he had hidden one piece of information from him, what else had he chosen to keep from him?
His heart ached—a lot. It felt like it tried to implode. How often had Obi-Wan wished to gift it to Qui-Gon by now? He knew that his affection would be looked down on by others but he only cared about what his beloved would think if he told him about it. Obi-Wan had often wondered what moment would have been best to confess his feelings to his master. Not because he expected his love to be reciprocated… No! Not at all! Obi-Wan had simply felt the need to inform his dearest person because he had wanted them to know everything about themselves and to never keep anything from one another. He had waited, changed his mind again and again… and maybe had missed his chance. With the knowledge of Qui-Gon keeping secrets, his own did not feel as bad anymore and far less of a betrayal. There was no reason to force his own secret out in the open anymore.
Obi-Wan looked around himself and figured that his job was done well or at least satisfactorily enough. He carried the rake back to where he had found it and entered the not really homey building. Nearly every wall was transparent which allowed a breathtaking view of the endless skies and mountains. With the weather being good it was a beautiful sight indeed. But how would this station feel when heavy rain or hail poured down on it without end? How depressing would the view be when dark clouds surrounded the building or fog creeped up the mountain?
Obi-Wan blinked in confusion when he noticed that he had not even checked which weather conditions were normal for this planet, especially this part of the continent they were staying at. Catching up on that now was as good a time as any. He only had to find the computer with the archived findings of their predecessors stored in its cold intestines. It would be easy enough to find it.
The living space was illuminated by the ambient lighting that shifted with the run of this solar system’s sun. As expected of a research facility, the furniture was sleek and mostly made of different metals with smooth surfaces and seamless edges. A long workstation now almost empty still dominated the left side of the room, while the right one was lined with multiple screens flickering with streams of data. The biggest machine in the middle of the room hummed steadily but quietly, allegiantly monitoring the seismic activity happening deep inside the bowels of the planet. Amidst this frigid space only two pieces of furniture stood out with their coziness: Against one wall there was a tall wooden shelf filled with many books whose spines told of how frequently they had been in use. Not far from it stood an old chair with an upholstery once showing flowers and circles that had faded because of the sunlight having been hitting it without protection for many years. Obi-Wan did not at all care for the reminder that once somebody had actually made himself at home in this building. He could not look away because his master was sitting in it—fast asleep. Obi-Wan tiptoed closer and went on his knees in front of Qui-Gon to study him.
How had he not seen it before? His master’s face was haggard and so much paler than a prolonged stay at Badogg would allow. Had he been blind? Or had Qui-Gon done his best to hide his exhaustion from him? No, Obi-Wan told himself. It did not absolve him of his neglect even if it was true. He was supposed to be an aide to his master! He should have cared more, must have been more observant. How could he still claim to love this man when he did not even notice his most basic needs?
Obi-Wan wiped his face when he came to the realisation that he had missed the very visible changes in his master’s face because he had tried not to look at him out of fear that he would be caught gazing at him longingly.
Was his love for Qui-Gon endangering the very man he had sworn to protect with his life?
He pressed his hand over his mouth to keep the sob sealed that was threatening to crawl out of his throat. His eyes stung. Feeling sorry would not change anything, though, if it did not motivate him to do better in future.
Obi-Wan straightened but did not get up fully before he had not pressed a lingering kiss to his master’s forehead.
“I’ll do better in future. I promise by every breath I take.”
*****
When Qui-Gon woke, the quality of the sunlight had changed considerably. Since he was not used to being on this remote little rock in the infinity of space, he had no clue how long he had really slept, but he felt refreshed, so it must have been some time. He stretched his limbs and noticed with relief that the pain he experienced with this movement got duller ever day. Soon he would be able to fight without any impairment again.
Qui-Gon stood up and walked around the seismograph to see what scratching blended into the steady hum of the machine. He stopped in his tracks when he saw his padawan on his knees scrubbing the floor with a passion fitting his perfectionism. Qui-Gon had to force himself to concentrate on the sweaty face when he noticed that his partner had loosened his clothes to pull the fabric down to his fastened belt, leaving his upper body completely bare. The light glistening in the pearls sitting on perfect skin like ornamental jewelry must not be of his concern. Not any longer. Instead, he let his gaze roam around the room they were in.
“You’ve got so much done while I took a nap.”
It had hardly been just that, but his padawan was gentleman enough to not correct him on that. He simply sat back on his heels and looked up at him with a smile. “I wanted to manage as many chores as possible before you bury me in assignments of a different kind.”
“We have to start comparing the available data sooner or later.” He nodded. “But not today. We should make ourselves at home first.”
“That’s what I am doing.” Obi-Wan cast him another smile that was just on the right side of satisfaction, yet close to self-righteousness. “It’s not easy to feel comfortable at a place that is untidy or even dirty.”
He was proud of his padawan. This feeling was nothing new, though. It was more of a permanent thing sitting at the back of his mind that swelled once in a while to be more prominent in his consciousness. It never faded. Maybe it was not Jedi-like to feel like this, but Obi-Wan had to be the best padawan a master could wish for. He was thankful to have him.
“You are right. Let me lend you a hand then!”
“Sure thing! Please, do brew some tea for me, would you Master? Clean water over here tastes strange.”
Qui-Gon chuckled but walked over to the little kitchen limit, not surprised to find their supplies placed their orderly already. “I haven’t tried it myself yet, but I guess, this is how water is meant to taste… or not to taste at all. This world is pure. I am sure this is how all water is supposed to be everywhere in the universe.”
“Or the pipe has been compromised by extended disuse.”
“You are right. I shall take a closer look at it this afternoon. But now let us have a cup of tea. You deserve this treat.” He was not surprised to hear Obi-Wan go on scrubbing for a while longer. Only when he called his padawan, did he stop his work and got up. “Tea is ready.”
Obi-Wan wiped sweat from his forehead and smiled when he looked around himself, obviously satisfied with how much work he had managed to finish before his feeble master had called him over.
They decided to carry their cups and the kettle outside and sat on perfectly cleaned tiles. It was almost too hot to stay until the end of their tea break, but they enjoyed getting some air and listen to the breeze composing melodies with the rustling of uncountable branches. Qui-Gon noticed with no little satisfaction that Obi-Wan had made his peace with this planet and enjoyed the sight abundant with beauty of all forms and seizes. Yet Qui-Gon was the one blessed with the most brilliant view he could imagine: warm sunlight playing on Obi-Wan’s lashes, chopper hair coloured almost golden, pale skin illuminated like a saint’s statue at a place of pilgrimage… and his smile shone brighter then the sun when he made a joke about how easy it would be to vanish into the jungle beneath them to never be found again. Qui-Gon was shocked by the intensity of his feelings when he imagined it.
“We should get back to work,” Obi-Wan said after a while and gathered their belongings.
“Let them be for a moment!”
The younger man blinked at him but obeyed the unusual order to stand up and come to Qui-Gon’s side who had walked over to the railing to take a closer look at the green labyrinth of valleys snaking around the mountains. The air was still thick with heat but soon enough the night would tear even its memory away and put a blanket of frost over all they could see. It would be yet another sight to behold.
This world was so silent! Without animal life there was no buzzing, no singing, no chirping, no hoofed thundering on the ground or roars of predators… It was lonely, yet did not feel like it. If Obi-Wan was with him, he could have lived in loneliness without ever feeling lonely once. One day he would try to pinpoint the moment when he had fallen in love with this young man, but it did not matter currently. He was allowed to enjoy peace once in a while.
“Alright,” he said after a moment that could have been half a minute or a whole lifetime, “Let’s get back to work!”
*****
It was not too long before this world’s midnight when the two Jedi finished their tasks for the first day and allowed themselves to just appreciate the beauty of nature. The sky was illuminated by three beautiful moons reflecting their sun’s light in slightly different colours. Obi-Wan had been surprised by the lack of lamps and flood lights before but perfectly understood their scarcity now. With their Jedi abilities they could see quite well as it was. The wind in the valleys had shrunk to a soft breeze not strong enough to move branches or heavy leaves anymore, which left the only constant sounds to be heard the rivers deep below and the soothing hum of the air conditioner filling the station with the whisper of an artificial breeze in this place where otherwise only nature ruled.
Obi-Wan chose to leave the cool building to join his master on the observation deck even though being outside meant being confronted with the day’s heat that had not yet faded. Obi-Wan leaned over the guard railing but watched his sole companion on this foreign planet. Qui-Gon looked exquisite in his sleeping gown of nude-coloured cotton. But he looked good in almost anything, as Obi-Wan had found out early in their shared master-padawan relationship. There were moments when Qui-Gon looked especially attractive, though. Moments like this, when his shirt was half undone and its fabric clung to the damp skin of his muscular chest.
The heat surrounding them was relentless, but Obi-Wan was not sure if this was the only reason for his body seemingly gleaming. He tried to get his mind off of the body he considered perfection by staring down the abyss. Once again he wondered how a place that had created a myriad of plant life had not given birth to any animals yet. But maybe this was one of the reasons the council had sent them to this place. To his knowledge there was no one more sensitive to the Living Force than his master.
“You are hurting.”
Obi-Wan stiffened. He had known that Qui-Gon would become aware of his ache sooner or later, but there was no way he would tell his master that he, who was such a fine duelist, had almost broken his arm by stumbling over a broom. So, he smiled as brightly as he could, knowing fully well that it had to look miserable. “It is nothing really.”
Qui-Gon was such a fine reader of people’s emotions. He did not even have to dive into their bond to know that his padawan would have felt shame if he had asked any more questions. Instead, his fingers ghosted over Obi-Wan’s wrist, tracing the faint pulse there before sliding up his arm, slow and deliberate. The touch sent a shiver through the younger man despite the suffocating heat licking at his body. It was magical, wondrous… And suddenly the pain was gone.
Obi-Wan turned his head to stare at his master then.
When had they gotten this close? They were standing so close to one another, he could feel his beloved’s breath on his skin. He had not allowed himself to study the lines of Qui-Gon’s lips before, now he could not stop himself from staring…
He would have given his life for Qui-Gon to kiss him this moment, but he knew that this wish could not be fulfilled. The man he loved and desired so deeply was his master. He would never do such a thing. Never!
It hurt! Did Qui-Gon not feel his despair? Why would his remarkable empathy be flawed in his case only? Had he himself perfected his shields to the point that his beloved had no chance to know? Was it that? Had he surpassed his master in this field of Force mending?
“Master, I…”
“Yes?”
“I am…” No! He could not confess his feelings. Not now. It would ruin what they had, and what they had was utterly beautiful. He would not risk it. “…so very glad that you are my master, that you have chosen me, that you allow me to be at your side even though I am lacking in so many things.”
“Not as many as you think.” Qui-Gon’s smile was so gentle and brimming with affection, it made Obi-Wan’s heart jump. “I believe that you are faring very, very well. Having you at my side makes my life easy… I don’t notice my age at your side.”
This was the best he could hope for and before he was even aware of it, his heart seemed to have grown so big it thundered against his ribcage.
“Thank you for your kind words, Master!”
“Don’t thank me for them! They also mean that I will rely on you even more in future.” It looked like there was sadness appearing on the austere features. “You are almost ready. Soon you will be fit for the trials.”
Obi-Wan beamed. He did not even know why he felt so content. “I still have a lot to learn, though.”
“As do I.” Qui-Gon cast him a smile, and the silver light of the moons made it shine. “We will grow together some more.”
A breeze was stroking them and picked up his master’s hair. The myriads of leaves rustles again, and one of the rivers below sweeped lowly. Qui-Gon was so close, Obi-Wan could feel his body heat radiating while his smile was so soft and loving…
This was happiness, he thought. Even if he got to be a hundred years old, this night underneath the moonlight would stay with him forever and give him the strength to bear anything. He only hoped that many more like it were to grace his life before he melted into the Force like it was the destiny of all things that existed.