Work Text:
Alastor whistled to himself as he tidied up around the front desk. He picked up a crumpled piece of paper and was about to throw it away when something caught his attention. It appeared to be a handwritten letter, but it had been torn. He smoothed out the piece the best he could and scanned the page.
My dearest ch
perhaps it’s easier to write
bumbling fool in your presence
never know what to
deeply in love with you
red suits
angel, I haven’t
don’t return my afffe
settle for being your friend.
chance to show you
hold my heart in
Yours, Sir Pen
Alastor’s jaw dropped. Of course he dumped the trash out and frantically searched for the other pieces. He was shocked. Sir pentious was in love with CHARLIE?!
More importantly, why did that piss him off? Charlie could certainly date whoever she’d like, but she could do far better than that scaley scumbag. Should he tell her about the letter? It really wasn’t any of his business, but Charlie was his partner, so it sort of involved him. Well, business partner. But still! They spent a lot of time together, so if she began seeing the serpent, he would be around more than he already was. No, he couldn’t stand the thought. Besides, Charlie should be with someone who knew what a treasure she was, and Sir Pentious was far too stupid to ever fully appreciate her.
“What happened here?!” Angel spoke as he looked at the spilled trash. He noticed Alastor was clutching a piece of paper. “Strawberry? You ok?”
“I….don’t know.”
“You’re freakin’ me out, man. What’s going on?” Alastor handed him the paper scrap. “Woah, guess he finally got the balls to tell her! Though maybe not, since he tossed this.”
“You were aware of his feelings?!”
“Well yeah, it’s pretty obvious. He looks like a lovesick puppy every time he sees her.”
“This is…this is…” Alastor was scrambling to put his thoughts together. “This is unacceptable.”
“What? Why?”
“Because she deserves better!”
Angel looked surprised. “Since when do you care?” He looked at Alastor’s pained expression. “Wait. Do you have feelings for her?”
“I…feel terribly confused. Excuse me.” He took the letter and vanished. Angel was more confused than ever, but couldn’t wait to text Cherri and tell her what had happened.
“Hey, Al! I brought you some coffee!” Charlie entered their office with a smile the next morning, only to find Alastor looking upset. “Oh my god, what’s wrong?”
He looked up at her and she was shocked at how rough he looked. His eyes were bloodshot and he had dark under eye bags. “There’s something that you should know. And I wasn’t sure if it was my place to tell you, but I can’t keep this information from you, if it would make you happy.” He sighed and sat up straighter. “Sir Pentious is deeply in love with you.”
Charlie dropped her coffee. “I’m sorry, what?”
“While cleaning the front desk, I found part of a love letter he’d written you and torn apart. Here.” He handed her the letter and she quickly scanned it.
“Oh…..my god.” She looked shocked. “Why would he write this to me?”
“Clearly he has feelings for you. I thought you should know.”
“I have to go. I need to talk to him about this. Thank you for telling me. Excuse me.” Charlie looked upset as she left the office. Alastor wondered if it was too early to begin drinking.
“Heeeeey Pentious! Good morning!” Charlie gave him a strained smile.
“Good morning, Charlotte!” The snake beamed at her from his doorway. “Would you like to come in? My eggies and I were having breakfast. You’re more than welcome to join us!” He was wearing a frilly apron.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Um, I needed to talk to you about something, but I can come back.”
“Don’t be silly! What is it?” Pentious smiled warmly.
“I…just wanted you to know that I really value our friendship.”
“As do I!”
“And because of that, I don’t think we should do anything to endanger our friendship.” She hoped that if she used the word “friend” enough that he’d take the hint.
“Alright?” He looked confused.
“So I’m sorry if you’re disappointed, but I hope that this doesn’t affect our friendship.”
“Ooooook?”
“So you’ll be alright?” Charlie felt so bad!
“Yes?”
“Ok, good. Again, I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone now.” She gave him a sad smile and left. Pentious wondered if she’d had a head injury.
Charlie came back to the office and exhaled. “Well, I did it. I told him I just wanted to be friends.”
“Oh! You…did?” Alastor was trying not to let his glee show.
“Yeah. I don’t know if I somehow gave him mixed signals or something. This totally blindsided me.”
“Well, one can’t blame him for being enchanted by you.” Alastor smiled.
“I just feel so bad. I hope he’s ok.”
“I’m sure he will be.” He gave her a soft smile. “Cheer up, now! I fixed your coffee with your obscene amount of sugar and creamer.”
“Thanks, Al. You’re the best!”
Alastor was working at the front desk once again when he heard someone enter. Ugh, it was the porn Star and his mouthy friend.
“Hey big red! Look who’s here!” Angel grinned.
“Ah, yes. Hello Miss Cherri bomb. I trust that you haven’t brought any explosives into my hotel?” He gave her a smile with a somewhat threatening undertone.
“I’m always packing!” Cherri grinned and tossed a bomb up. When Alastor looked angry, she caught it and put it away. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Cherri leaned on the counter with a seductive smile. “I’ve given it some thought, we can fuck, but I don’t do commitments, alright?”
“I beg your PARDON?!” Alastor was stunned!
“Angie said you had the hots for me.”
“I most certainly do not!”
“Oh come on! I asked if you had feelings for her when you read the letter. You’re in love with her!” Angel wasn’t going to let him back down from this.
“I’m afraid there’s been a misunderstanding.”
“You were a wreck! You said she deserved better!”
“I wasn’t referring to Cherri!”
“Then who were you referring to?”
“Oh, hi Cherri! Great to see you!” Charlie came down the stairs with a smile. She looked between the three with a confused expression. Cherri was smirking, Angel was practically giddy, and Alastor looked like he wanted to die. “What’s going on?”
“Hoooooly shit! I shoulda seen this coming!” Angel grinned. “We’re talkin’ about the letter.”
“Guys, listen. I already talked to Sir Pentious and let him down easy. I don’t think we should discuss it again.”
There was a heavy silence. “What?” Angel finally asked.
“His letter to me. I told him we were better off as friends.”
Both Angel and Cherri began laughing. Alastor still looked ready to bolt, his ears flattened back against his head.
“That wasn’t to you! It was for Cherri!” Angel finally got the words out.
“What are you talking about?”
“Pentious has a hard on for Cherri! He was writing this to her!”
The puzzle pieces snapped into place for Charlie. “Oh my god.”
“Miss Cherri Bomb! I’m glad you’re here!” Sir Pentious was smiling brightly as he came down the stairs. He looked at the group, then the letter in Angel’s hands. “What are you doing with that?! The contents of that letter were private!”
“Ok, y’all are making too much damn noise, so let me spell it out for you.” Husk looked up from the bar. “Pentious is in love with Cherri. He wrote her a creepy ass letter, and I told him not to give it to her. Alastor found it and assumed it was about Charlie. Then he got real upset thinking somebody was gonna take his girl. He gave the letter to Charlie, who also thought it was about her, she talked to Pentious to let him down gently, but he didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. Angel told Cherri that Alastor has the hots for her, so she came here to talk to him, and everybody just figured out what I’ve known for half a damn year. Alastor loves Charlie. Pentious loves Cherri. There. I’m going on my lunch break.”
The lobby was dead silent. “Pentious, could you maybe fill in the blanks for us with this letter?” Charlie asked.
“Of course. Now I can tell Cherri of my great love for her in person!” He smoothed the paper and held it up.
“My dearest Cherri,
Perhaps it’s easier to write these words down, because I am a bumbling fool in your presence. I
never know what to say, so I’ll just say it here. I’m deeply in love with you. I love everything about you, from your angelic voice and the clothes you wear. The red suits you perfectly, both for your name and my beating heart. Due to your friendship with angel, I haven’t told you because I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. It’s alright if you don’t return my afffections. I enjoy being near you in any capacity, and I would happily settle for being your friend. But dear Cherri, if you ever give me a chance to show you how devoted I am to you, I promise I will do everything I can to make you happy. You hold my heart in your hands, so I ask that you be gentle with it.
Yours, Sir Pentious”
“OOOOOOOOOOH THAT MAKES SO MUCH MORE SENSE!” Charlie finally broke the silence. “Phew! I’m relieved. Not that you’re not great, Pentious, I just…kind of have my eye on somebody else?” She looked at Alastor, who seemed to be having a staring contest with a stain on the floor.
“Wait, is that what you were doing when we spoke? Rejecting me?!” Pentious looked wounded.
“I just wanted to make sure we could still be friends!”
“Well, you were very kind about it.”
“Aw, thanks!”
“Uh, HELLO?! Are we all just skimming over the fact that the strawberry pimp is in love with Charlie? Hey, where’d he go?”
Alastor was completely mortified. He’d only just realized that he had feelings for Charlie. He hadn’t planned on acting on them or telling her! And now it was all out in the open. Faaaaantastic. He’d escaped to his radio tower, and turned towards the door as he heard something unusual. An envelope was being crammed under his door unsuccessfully. He sent his shadow to open the door and found Charlie on her hands and knees. “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“What on earth are you doing?” Alastor walked over and helped her to her feet.
“Um, well, I was just gonna stick this under your door for you to find, but it got stuck.” She handed him the hefty envelope.
“My goodness! What’s in here?”
“I wrote you a letter, but then it got out of hand. It’s 27 pages.” She chuckled uncomfortably. “I didn’t want to be here when you read it, so I was just going to leave it here. Um, I’m gonna go now. Bye!” Charlie practically ran down the stairs.
He closed his door again and looked at the envelope, which was stuffed to the gills and held closed by a unicorn sticker. He chuckled and walked over to his desk chair, kicking his feet up. He had some reading to do.
Charlie stumbled out of bed and over to her door, jerking it open. “Al?”
“Hello, dear! Sorry to disturb your rest, but this certainly wasn’t going to fit under the door. Goodbye!” He handed her a stack of paper an inch thick and she blinked at it in confusion. She was gonna need coffee to read this.
That evening, Alastor was waiting on pins and needles. He hoped he hadn’t crossed the line. He hadn’t seen her all day and had no idea how she’d respond to his letter.
Letter was an understatement. When he’d received Charlie’s 27 page letter (front and back) about her feelings for him and pages upon pages of things she loved about him, he knew it would be difficult to reply to. Not because of a lack of things he loved about her, oh no! He was merely afraid he’d run out of paper and ink. He wasn’t even sure what the final page count was on the hefty manuscript he’d given her.
He was on his feet in an instant when his shadow told him that she was coming. He whipped open the door, making her clutch her chest.
“Jesus Christ, Al! You scared the crap out of me!”
“Apologies. I was eagerly awaiting your response.” He swallowed nervously.
“Here it is!” She handed him a small post it note with a smile. He glanced down at the note and a genuine grin broke out on his face.
“Yes!” Was all she’d written. And it was perfect. He pulled her in and kissed the daylights out of her. She giggled as she shut the door behind them, then flipped the lock for good measure.
He’d asked one question in his letter. Could she love him? Of course this was merely the tip of the iceberg. What he was really asking was how she could love someone like him. Could she look beyond the things he’d done in his past? Could she tolerate his teasing, which he so loved to do? Most importantly, she held his heart in her hands. Could she love him?
All of that was answered with a post it note and a kiss.