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(They Both Just Know)
When he was 5 years old, Derek Hale met a boy named Stiles Stilinski. Stiles was a small thing, about the size of a bug, Derek would say. Maybe a roly poly because he was spry and could easily curl into a ball, but Derek thought maybe more of an ant. Ants were smart and deceptively strong; they could carry more than 50 times their own weight! And while Derek didn’t think Stiles could carry that much, he knew he was stronger than he looked.
Derek knew because when he first saw Stiles he was being pushed face first into some dirt. Stiles stayed down until Jackson Whittemore walked away, and when the coast was clear, Stiles made a ball of mud and threw it at Jackson. Jackson turned around screaming and was about to attack Stiles, but didn’t count on their teacher being outside.
Derek noticed that Stiles threw the dirt when the teacher couldn’t see it and situated himself so when Jackson turned around yelling, it would be entirely in the teacher’s direction. He was smart, patient and fast. Derek liked him.
Which was a feat in and of itself because Derek didn’t much like anyone. If he were to classify himself as a bug, he thinks he would be a dung beetle. Large, but unobtrusive. Most activity happened around him and he didn’t mind it. It meant bullies like Jackson left him alone and smaller people like Stiles were too scared to bother him.
Well, other people, not Stiles himself, who wasn’t really scared of anyone. Derek liked Stiles, but Stiles liked Derek and that’s who decided that they would be friends. It started shortly after the Jackson incident. As Jackson was made to sit in the corner at their daycare, Stiles approached Derek with a bag full of apple slices.
“They’re green, like your eyes sometimes are.” Stiles said as he bit into an apple and promptly squirted himself in his own eyes. Which were bright, sparkling brown, Derek noticed.
“Sometimes?” Derek asked the boy. He was prepared to ignore him, but this line of conversation caught him off guard.
“Yeah, sometimes they’re blue or grey depending on what you’re wearing. And sometimes they have specks of gold in them. I asked my mom and she said they were called hazel. My gramma’s name is Hazel, but her eyes are plain ole brown like mine.”
“They’re not plain!” Derek insisted suddenly, shocking both boys. Stiles simply smiled as Derek passed over his milk carton for Stiles to take a drink. From that moment, they were best friends until Derek turned 6 and it was time for him to go to Kindergarten.
“No!” Derek sobbed as he dragged snot and saline across his cheeks, his eyes reddening with rage as his mom told him the news.
“Honey, yes!”
“No! I won’t go! You can’t make me!” Derek demanded with a pouty stomp and a resolute cross of arms over his tiny chest.
“Yes!” Talia roared, flashing her eyes their authoritative alpha red.
“No fair!” Derek cried as he tried to stop the submitting gesture of bearing his neck, but found his young self unable to not cower beneath his mother’s gaze. “You shouldn’t be able to do that when it’s something that will hurt me!”
“Derek, I know it’s hard to understand, and I get that you’re hurting now, baby. But when you get there, you’ll love it, I promise!” Talia tried to soothe the offense by petting Derek’s head sweetly and kissing him on the forehead. He pulled away, full of hurt and distrust.
“I love it where I am! Finally! You know how long it took me to fit in and now I have Stiles and we were going to go to school together next year! Real, actual school!”
“I know, honey.”
“Then why are you trying to take me away from him? He’s my best friend. Why are you trying to make me feel sad again?”
“Derek.” Talia sighs and crouches down to Derek’s level, rubbing her hands up and down his arms. “You’re a special boy, just like how dad and I are special. But humans… like your friend, Stiles- they won’t understand the needs that special beings like you and I have.”
Derek shook his head petulantly, “Stiles would understand! If we just explained it to him and maybe the other teachers-”
“It doesn’t work like that, my love.” Talia tried to explain through growing frustration. She could advise and lead thousands of were creatures daily, but one conversation with her only son was enough to make her rethink this decision, “I was hoping you’d be able to accept this sooner, but I guess if you need to be upset for a while, now is the time. I’m sorry, Derek, but this decision is final.”
“I’ll never forgive you!” Derek spat out, tearing himself from Talia’s grasp, “I hate you, I hate you!”
“Go to your room, Derek!” Talia points to the stairs and Derek glares at her before running away.
“I’ll never forgive you! You didn’t even let me say goodbye! I hate you!”
Talia watches as her heartbroken son stomps up the stairs. She feels a warm hand on her shoulder and without looking, nuzzles back into the strong embrace.
“It’s never easy, is it?” Broderick whispers into her ear. Talia sighs.
“Even when I know it’s right. Hell, sometimes especially when I know.” Talia turns around and melts even further into her husband’s arms. She wishes there was a way she could make Derek understand, but she knows his age is a barrier she can’t wait to get over. She sighs and goes to her study to work while Broderick prepares dinner.
Derek does go to the Preserve Academy School for Gifted Beings and tries to find something that reminds him of his original plans with Stiles. At the daycare they’d gone to the elementary school as a field trip and saw where their new classroom was to be. Derek remembers smiling when he learned Stiles already picked out which cubbies were going to be theirs. Unfortunately, Derek doesn’t smile looking at the gleaming metal lockers this new school has. All he can see is what’s different. The halls here aren’t lined with student art and brightly, colored mats or carpet. Instead there are inspirational posters with far too many words and cold, ceramic floors. He has to wear a uniform here and it’s a drab kind of plaid with subtle khaki variations.
Derek hates it, but mostly because he knows Stiles would hate it. Stiles, who would never really match, but somehow made it work. He always wore two different kind of socks and a graphic print tee with some sort of superhero on it. Derek used to look forward to how ridiculous Stiles would look, and for some reason he liked when Jackson would try to make fun of Stiles’ clothes so Derek could growl at Jackson and push him round a little bit.
Mostly Stiles could take care of himself, but sometimes he’d let Derek growl just to get it out of his system. He didn’t know Derek was a werewolf, but he could tell Derek’s quiet intensity would need an outlet. That was another thing Derek liked about Stiles, that he just seemed to get him. Stiles just seemed to know.
As time goes on, Derek starts to settle. He’s still quiet and withdrawn, but as his body and demeanor start to change, he begins to understand that he’s in a school specifically for werewolves. He understands the inherent need for aggression and competition and is thankful he can work those issues out without being a hazard to humans. He meets three other kids that he likes. Not as much as Stiles, but it’s a start.
Boyd is quiet, but observant and smart and thoughtful. He doesn’t mind that Derek doesn’t talk a lot or that when he does it’s mostly about his old daycare and some kid named Stiles who went there. Erica is a mess of blond hair and rollercoaster temperament. She can’t stay still to save her life and Derek initially accepts her because trying to get rid of her would take too much effort. As she mellows they see how kind and sweet she is. Specifically to Boyd. Lastly there’s Isaac, who wears the demeanor of someone in constant need of a leader. For some reason he’s chosen Derek and Derek doesn’t have the heart to push the kid away. Derek can’t imagine that anyone would.
Together the three don’t run the school, necessarily, but they become notoriously known as the group not to fuck with. Well, as much as a group of 7 and three quarters kids can. When they turned 8, they also saw the progression from 1st to 2nd grade and Derek finally forgives his mother for ruining his life.
It’s none too soon. One day Talia and Broderick drive upstate to go to a conference. For Derek this simply means they’re going to work in the way that adults do. To the world of weres at large it meant attending a rally at which Talia Hale would be the keynote speaker in defense of were rights as more started to come out of hiding.
Those rights would come later as a public decry to the assassination of the power couple, but Derek wouldn’t understand that. He wouldn’t understand why they didn’t come back the following Tuesday like they were supposed to. He didn’t understand why Uncle Peter only told him that they were in a special place, waiting for him. He didn’t understand what a “funreal” was or why he had to go.
The only thing Derek understood in that moment, where he was surrounded by his family and several people he didn’t know, all dressed in dark clothing and talking sadly about his mom and dad, was Stiles.
Stiles, who stands next to his dad, the county Sheriff, and waves at Derek sadly. Derek is about to walk over to him, but is stopped by a firm grip on the shoulder. Derek glares up at Peter, but when he looks at Stiles he sees just as firm of a grip on his shoulder by his dad. Derek sighs until he sees Stiles doing a hand signal. It was a secret language Stiles created. Derek tried to pretend to understand it, but he never did. Thankfully Stiles always mouthed what he wanted along with the hand signal and Derek clearly saw him mouth “talk later”.
Derek nods quickly and can’t help his giggle. Later they meet at the repass. Everyone else is trying to get him to eat, but he’s not very hungry. He runs up to Stiles who stops in front of him and they stare at each other for a moment, sparkling brown into seafoam green. It’s been less than a year, but Derek can’t help but notice how Stiles looks the same and different at the same time. He does notice how his heart flips now that Stiles is near, he can hear the same in the boy’s heart.
Stiles grabs Derek’s hand and pulls him into the hallway and outside on the lawn where they sit under a tree. It’s far enough away that it gives the illusion of privacy, despite the fact that there are so many weres around.
“So you’re a werewolf?” Stiles asks suddenly. Derek starts a bit and then grins, he’s missed how Stiles can catch him off guard.
“Yeah. That’s why they made me go to a different school. I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have to.” Derek tries to explain to Stiles’ dancing eyes.
“Oh, well that’s ok, I mean, I missed you a whole lot, and Jackson’s a jerk, but if the new school helps you be a good wolf then I guess it’s okay. I wish I were a wolf.” Stiles says with a squeeze to Derek’s hand that he’s still holding. Derek shrugs.
“I like that you’re human. There’s still some stuff I can’t really control and that makes it hard.”
“We can’t control much of anything, can we? Might as well be strong and howl at the moon, right?” Stiles says before erupting into giggles. Derek joins him and wonders how Stiles found out about werewolves. He’s not really surprised he did, Stiles was always curious and could always find out things he wants to know.
“Do you know where my mom and dad are?” Derek asks. He keeps getting told that they’re in a better place, and sometimes in his heart. And there were two boxes that people kept putting flowers on back at the church, but he doesn’t understand why they would be in there. He misses them and doesn’t understand why they can’t come home.
“They’re in Heaven.” Stiles answers with an assured nod. Derek believes him.
“What’s Heaven?”
“Heaven is where you go when you die. It sucks for us that haven’t died because we don’t get to see them until it’s our turn to go, but overall it’s gonna be okay because we will see them again and in the meantime the others that go can keep each other company. Like, my mom is up there, and when I heard your parents were there I prayed that she would find them and be best friends and now they are.”
“They are?” Derek asks completely awed by this new development. His heart aches as it slowly creeps towards the understanding that he wouldn’t be seeing his parents for a long time, but he felt a dim glimmer of hope that Stiles’ mom was keeping them company. But wait, Stiles’ mom? “Your mom? When did she go up there?”
“Last year. She got sick and went to Heaven. I thought you knew, your mom was at the funeral.” Stiles says as Derek shakes his head. His mom hadn’t talked to him at all about Stiles. He wants to be mad at her, but can’t. Not if he won’t see her for a long time.
“Can we visit them in Heaven?” Derek wonders. Uncle Peter said they’d be going back with his grandparents to the mountains. Maybe they could stop at this Heaven place and see his parents? Stiles shakes his head.
“No, it’s not on Earth, it’s way past outer space, you can only go there when it’s your time.”
“When’s that?!” Derek asks, wide eyed.
“I don’t know, my dad still won’t give me a clear answer on that one.” Stiles says resolutely.
The two sit under the tree quietly and Derek introduces Stiles to Erica, Isaac and Boyd. Stiles introduces Derek to Scott whom Derek doesn’t like, but Stiles seems to and there’s nothing Derek can do about it so he just nods at the boy and corralls Stiles off to himself. He’s only placated when Stiles seems happy to go.
“My dad said it was okay to give you my phone number and that you could call anytime. He said it might help since both of our mommies are in Heaven. Maybe… maybe you can even come and see me and we can play? I don’t have a jungle gym, but it might still be fun. I don’t know, I guess unless you don’t want-”
“I do!” Derek says, his heart nearly bursting with glee. He laughs wildly, completely immune to the inappropriateness of the situation as he nods excitedly. “I’ll do that. Tell me the number and I’ll call you!” Derek nearly bounces and tries to clear his mind to make room for the number. Stiles looks at him as though he’s missed Derek’s intensity and smiles big.
“Or… I could just write it down?” Stiles suggests. A blush covers Derek’s face as he reaches into his pocket for a scrap of paper and Stiles proffers a pen.
“I took my dad’s pen so if you said yes, I’d be ready.” He says as he mumbles some mnemonic device and scrawls his number as competently as possible. When he’s done he shoves the paper into Derek’s hand and hugs him tightly.
“Call me anytime, Derek.” He says, and before pulling back he plants a kiss to Derek’s neck, reminding him of his dad. Stiles waves at Derek before being ushered away by his dad as Derek is pulled in the opposite direction by his uncle. He clutches the number in his hand and doesn’t let go until he’s at home in his room.
In some ways things get better. He and Stiles go back to being best friends, but since they don’t have a lot of time to be together, it means that Derek has to start using his words. He fumbles a lot, but Stiles is patient and doesn’t get mad when it takes him longer to say what’s on his mind.
In other ways things get worse. Peter laughs when Derek asks about renting a rocketship to go to Heaven and the damage of it echoes in Derek’s head before Peter can correct himself. It starts to hit him that his parents aren’t coming back and it makes him angry. At school he lashes out, even going so far as to beta shift and roar at Isaac. He’s ashamed, but his anger won’t let him back down. He’s close to being kicked out of school and Peter doesn’t know how to contain him.
He comes home one day and Peter tells him to get his act together or he was going to a military academy for wayward boys. Derek can’t process his anger and therefore he can’t control it. He can’t explain to Peter why he’s hurting and why he lashes out and Peter doesn’t seem to understand. The only person who gets it is Stiles, and so with the trail of Peter’s roars on his tail, Derek runs.
He runs down his driveway, through the preserve, into the city past the school that never was, around the sheriff’s station and to Stiles’ house. He’s only been taken there a couple of times, normally they meet and play at the school, but he could go there anytime, it called to him like a beacon.
He climbs into Stiles’ window where Stiles is laying on the bed. Without a word he opens his arms and Derek crawls into them and allows the tears to finally stream down his cheeks as he clings to the boy, rocking through his pain. Stiles holds him as tightly as he can, he’s still small, but stronger than he looks. He runs his hand over Derek’s head, scratches at his scalp the way Derek remembers his dad did for him in a mimic of the way Stiles’ mother used to. He sways Derek back and forth and whispers at him.
Nothing trite like how okay it will be, but instead that truth; that it sucks and that Stiles misses them too even though he didn’t know them. But he’s sure if he had he would miss them just as much as Derek. And Derek nods and says that Stiles would have liked the way his mom read stories. She always felt silly reading voices, but always did for Derek and her red face would make Derek laugh. Or how Broderick made the best peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ever. And Derek had had a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but no one could make them like his dad.
And Stiles tells Derek about how his mom was not very good at sandwiches, his dad was good at that, but his mom made these things called perogies. She learned how to make them from her babcia which was like a grandma but in Poland which was in Europe which was the world’s second smallest continent both in size and population.
Derek told Stiles that they had family in South America and one time during a visit Derek wanted to have a capybara as a pet. His mom explained that the capybara was for food and Derek thought that was gross and sad.
They traded stories for what seemed like hours until a soft knock rapped on Stiles’ door and the sheriff opened it, letting Derek know that his uncle was there and it was time to go home. Derek nods politely and waves at Stiles before leaving.
Derek did get better and Stiles was a part of it. When he became overwhelmed with grief he would run to Stiles’ house and Stiles would talk to him about any and everything until Peter came by to pick Derek up later. It becomes such a habit that Derek can barely remember how it started. He’s 13 now and instead of unintentional therapy, going to Stiles’ house becomes more about talking about kissing celebrities and playing video games.
Derek meets Paige while walking to Stiles’ house one day. She goes to Stiles’ school and he likes her because she has big, brown sparkling eyes like Stiles. That day he doesn’t make it to Stiles’ house, instead he sits on the swingset and tries out his flirting. By the end of the afternoon he has a new phone number and a girlfriend. He calls Stiles later that night and tells him about her. He’s happy for him and asks if they’ve kissed yet. Derek tells him she kissed him on the cheek and laughs when Stiles says he’s sending a mental high five. He holds his hand up until Stiles says it’s there.
When Derek gets his first real kiss he tells Paige he loves her and Paige tells him she’s moving away. He says their love can survive, and she agrees, but they’re of an age where “out of sight, out of mind” is too much of a reality and so she leaves and Derek misses her. He runs to Stiles who tells him that it wasn’t meant to be and there were plenty of other fish in the sea. That he was young and meant to sow his wild oats! This makes Derek laugh because he’s not sure what oatmeal has to do with a broken heart, and Stiles finally admits it’s something he heard on an old episode of Dawson’s Creek. They laugh until Paige becomes a fond memory.
Derek is 15 when he meets Kate. Derek is a sophomore and a new integration mandate has transferred him to the public high school along with Erica, Boyd and Isaac. Stiles came to the school as a freshman and hung out with Scott, their new friend Lydia (whom Stiles was admittedly head over heels for), Jackson, Scott’s new girlfriend Allison and Kate. Well, not Kate exactly, she was a student teacher and subbing in for Derek’s English Lit class. She was also Allison’s aunt and she was hot!
“She’s not so hot.” Erica pouts perched on top of Boyd’s lap eating an apple. Jackson laughs outright.
“What are you talking about? She’s smoking!” Jackson insists, earning him a glare from Lydia, the girl he was courting and Stiles, the boy who wished it was him instead of Jackass Dimmore. It was a name mostly said in private, but Derek grinned knowing full well Stiles was saying it in his head. Stiles looks at Derek sadly, but perks up when Derek shoots him a little wink. They talk about it later and Derek asks Stiles why he likes Lydia.
“She so pretty! Like, gorgeous levels of pretty! And her hair is strawberry blond, everyone says red, but it’s not, and her eyes are green and she’s left handed. Those are three genetic anomalies Derek and she wears them all gracefully and dammit I just… I love her. I want to be her is how much I love her!”
“You mean be with her?” Derek asks, cocking an eyebrow as he watches Stiles get carried away with himself.
“Yeah, whatever, you know what I mean, dude.” Stiles waves Derek off, both his question and his bristle at the moniker of ‘dude’. Derek has always hated the word for some reason, probably having more to do with it being a habit picked up from hanging out too much with Scott, but Derek didn’t dissect that too closely. What he does think about is Kate.
Kate has blond hair and gray eyes and she’s right handed. Derek couldn’t think of any way that would make her a genetic anomaly, but it worked for her. And she was so mature and smart and she always seemed to pay attention to him, like… extra attention. He’s sure it’s just a crush.
It’s not just a crush. After school one day, Kate asks Derek to help her take some books out to her car. There she gives him a kiss and he gives her his virginity and his heart. She’s still young herself and not prepared to deal with the ramifications of either. He tells her he loves her and she tells him how sweet it is of him to think that. They get caught “making love” in the teacher’s lounge one night during a jazz band performance and after a flurry of activity from his uncle to keep the incident quiet and the dismissal of Kate from the school and into the local jail system, Derek finds himself with nothing but the fragments of a broken heart.
He runs to Stiles’ house and sees Stiles and Scott playing video games. Only Stiles knows anything of what happened, but Scott can sense something is wrong. He wants to stay and help, he’s the son of a nurse and caring by nature, but Derek’s gaze pierces at him until he gets the hint that he’s not wanted. Scott seems to know what it means, as though he’s confirming something his mother told him. He thinks he may even know before Derek and Stiles, but it’s clear. He excuses himself despite Stiles’ insistence that he should stay, and as he’s leaving he looks back and sees Derek crawl into Stiles’ arms.
The moment Scott is out of sight, Stiles steps into his role. He rocks Derek, tells him that Kate was a manipulative and evil bitch, and he knows Derek loved her, but she wasn’t worth it. That night Derek falls asleep and wakes up with Stiles snoring softly into the back of his neck. They’re still holding hands when he hears the door squeak open. It’s the sheriff who nods and closes the door again. It’s the weekend so they sleep in and the next morning they have cereal and play video games until Peter comes to pick up Derek. Derek hears the sheriff talk to Peter about getting him some help, but Peter balks and says that Derek will find his way.
Derek finds a way. Unfortunately into too many other arms, too many beds, too many spread legs. He’s getting a reputation and he’s become louder to block out the gossip. They say that he’s a dog who is always searching for a bone, but he’s only looking for love, he just can never seem to look in the right place. The girls don’t mention the he always asks for their numbers. They don’t report when he calls and says he wants more than just sex. They just want their turn with the basketball star and to be young and to have fun. Stiles is the only one who knows the truth. Knows that Derek doesn’t want that, he wants love and acceptance. He plays sports and he’s great, but the accolades that seem to stick the most are his post game performances with the cheerleaders from the other team, or sometimes even the band.
Jennifer plays the flute for Beacon Heights. She has long brown hair and arresting brown eyes. Derek has always liked brown eyes. Stiles always complains about how plain and brown his eyes are, and Derek never agrees. Derek thinks that if Stiles saw Jennifer’s eyes he’d change his mind. Derek asks Jennifer to be his girlfriend in hopes that the rumors about him will die down and for a few glorious weeks it’s okay. Then there is an away game and Derek brings back a trophy and a rumor from a head cheerleader saying that Derek cheated on Jennifer with her. It was a lie and Derek tried to explain to Jennifer, but the girl was distraught and wouldn’t listen. She cuts the brakeline, slashes his tires and spray paints obscenities on his car, an old Camaro that belonged to his dad. Everyone thinks he was crying because he was shallow, everyone but Stiles.
Stiles ushers him into his Jeep and then calls a tow truck and waits until it arrives. Derek and Stiles sit in his car as other students walk by and point and mumble at Derek. Stiles is scrolling through his phone.
“Who are you texting with?” Derek asks, suddenly curious about Stiles’ social life. So much of the boy’s attention has been directed to Derek, he notices he hasn’t really caught up with Stiles lately. Stiles just shrugs.
“Just this kid in Social Studies. His name is Lucas and we have a project together about our family trees. He’s actually half Polish and half African American, so some of the stuff overlaps and it’s pretty interesting. He’s gonna make us some sweet potato perogies, isn’t that cool?” Stiles asks looking over at Derek. There was something in his eyes, his sparkling brown eyes, that Derek had never seen before and didn’t quite know how to take. He nods politely.
“Yeah, umm.. Which one is Lucas? Who does he hang with?” Derek asks, wishing he could grab Stiles’ phone and see what they were saying to each other that made Stiles grin that way.
“Uhh.. I guess me, dude.” Stiles answers, poking Derek’s knee, “Scott’s been so busy with Allison and Isaac and everyone else is kinda paired off so we started hanging more together. Oh, he’s also on Lacrosse and Cross Country. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him. He’s a nice guy.”
“Nice.” Derek can’t help but notice the descriptor. Lucas wasn’t cool he was nice. Derek wasn’t sure what, but he knew it meant something.
“Yeah nice. Like you.” Derek snorts at Stiles who grins and goes back to his phone.
“Stiles, this sucks.” Derek says after a while, searching out the window for some sort of peace. He feels a strong, warm grip on his shoulder.
“I know, du- Derek. I know it does. But you’ll get through this okay? And if you don’t, well, I’ll be here.”
Derek feels Stiles shift and turns just as long capable arms are wrapped around him. As they pull back, Derek kisses Stiles on his neck, just like his dad used to do to him when he was a boy. They look at each other and wait for the tow truck to arrive.
Derek goes back to school and he’s angry. He’s angry at the rumors, he’s angry at his heart for being so vulnerable, he’s tired of holding back and he just wants to give up. He starts fights now, slams underclassmen into lockers and beats up anyone who looks at him differently. Weeks pass and people talk, but this time it’s from a distance. They hate him and they avoid him and it gets to the point where the only people who tolerate his presence are his pack of Erica, Boyd and Isaac. And even Isaac is starting to defect to Scott whom Derek is sure will ask his Uncle Peter for the bite.
Derek hides in the library for lunch and goes home and locks himself in his room after school. Sometimes he texts with Stiles, but mostly he closes himself away. Peter yells at him more and more. One night he tells him his grades are falling and he’s going to be kicked off of the sports team if he doesn’t get them back up. He tells him how disappointed Talia and Broderick would be by his behavior and Derek throws a glass vase at his head causing it to shatter when it hits the wall.
Peter roars at him and he runs, following the path etched into the landscape of Beacon Hills towards his savior. He gets to Stiles’ house and sees the Jeep is gone and the lights are out. He remembers Stiles telling him that he would be at Scott’s house that night while his dad worked a double. Derek deflates. He’s come so far and he’s tired and he needs his best friend. He thinks about going to Scott’s, but then thinks of another solution.
The next morning Stiles makes it home and sees his dad coming towards him with his gun drawn and a finger over his lips. He grabs Stiles and walks him quietly over by the garage as he continues to check the perimeter.
“I went inside and noticed a draft and your door was open. I didn’t go in, but I could see glass on your floor. I’m going to call the station so they can send another car and-”
“Dad, no, wait!” Stiles says as he pulls his dad carefully around the house. He points to his window and as he looks up he can that it’s broken with a piece of denim clinging to one of the shards of glass. Stiles turns to his dad. “I think it’s Derek. Please, can we check before calling?”
The sheriff clears the first floor and makes his way quietly up the stairs with Stiles on his tail. he slowly and quietly opens the door to Stiles’ room revealing the young man, curled into a ball under Stiles’ blankets, snuffling his pillow. The sheriff sighs a long sigh, pockets his firearm and motions for Stiles to wake Derek up.
“Derek? Hey buddy!” Stiles says, softly shaking the boy. He doesn’t want to scare him, but his dad is standing there watching impatiently. Derek’s eyes slowly blink open to a wondrous view of Stiles’ eyes burning bright in the morning sun.
“Stiles? Are you saving me?” Derek asks sleepily. Stiles grins.
“I guess you could say that, though nothing’s gonna save you from my dad.”
“What? Oh!” Derek’s eyes go wide and he sits up slowly turning his head towards the door. He then looks down at the trail of blood from the window to Stiles’ bed and then at his hands which are healed, but streaked with dried blood and embedded with chips of glass.
“Jesus, Derek your hands! Dad, the yelling is gonna have to wait, let me clean him up first, okay?”
“No it’s not okay, Stiles! I’m sure both can be done at the same time.”
“Dad!” Stiles pleads with his dad for a little time while he gets the first aid kit. The sheriff throws up his hands and points at Derek.
“I’m going to call your uncle and the second Stiles is done cleaning you up, you and I are going to have a very long talk about boundaries and personal property, do I make myself clear, son?” The sheriff gives Derek a moment to nod dumbly before taking his leave. Stiles walks back in and right onto the bed where he settles in front of Derek.
“Now give me your hand and tell me what happened last night.”
Derek doesn’t know what to say, but finds himself talking anyway.
“I came by last night because Peter said I was a fuckup that failed my parents and now I needed to see you but you weren’t here and yes, I remembered you said you would be out, but not until you were already gone and it was too late and I was just so frustrated and scared and I needed to get close to you and to your scent, but I didn’t want to go over to Scott’s so I thought I would just come in but the key wasn’t where it usually is and I freaked out and jumped up to your window and punched the glass and-”
“Derek, fucking breathe!” Stiles says as he digs another piece of glass from Derek’s hand. Derek winces, but breathes in, noting the burning in his lungs He feels like that’s the most he’s ever said at one time.
“That’s the most you’ve ever talked in your fucking life, shit!” Stiles laughs. Derek gets lost in his grin and Stiles slowly sobers. “But you’re not now, nor have you ever been a fuck up, Derek Hale. Just because Peter doesn’t know how to help you doesn’t mean he gets to take his shit out on you, okay?” Stiles’ eyes dance at him, demanding an answer so Derek nods. He looks down at his hands which have been wiped clean and cleared of all glass. The tiny scars knit back together leaving his hands rough, but healed. He looks back at Stiles.
“Maybe I should just leave it with you?” He says, causing Stiles’ brow to wrinkle in confusion.
“What? I mean, you can leave anything with me, but what are you… what?”
Derek grins, “My heart. You always take such good care of me, maybe if I left my heart with you, it wouldn’t get broken?”
“Derek…” Stiles starts to say but stops. Instead he says his peace through the light in his molten eyes and Derek understands.
Uncle Peter pays for the window and makes Derek work it off in chores for the Sheriff and back at the Hale house. Derek’s grades go back up and he graduates. He gets a couple of partial athletic scholarships, but decides instead to take a gap year. He travels to Mexico and meets a girl named Braeden. She’s human and part of a group known by the Hale Pack Emissary, Alan Deaton.
She’s got dark, cocoa colored skin and bright brown eyes to match. She’s ambidextrous and is nice and uncomplicated. She doesn’t hurt him, but she also never lets him close enough to try. He appreciates that for some reason. They travel the countryside and things are okay. They break up in the way you do when you’re not really sure if you were ever together. They part ways and wish the other well. Derek does have pictures of her boobs in his phone, but not her phone number, and the same can be said for her and his ass. And it’s okay.
Derek decides to go home and the first stop he makes is Stiles. Phone service is weird in Mexico so they hadn’t talked a lot outside of a rogue Facebook message here and there. Stiles was doing a two year transfer program at the local community college and thus, staying at home until he could transfer to UCLA or USC, hell, maybe even Stanford. Derek knows Stiles is busy, but is sure he’ll be home so he goes to the old familiar house and jumps swiftly on the roof towards the open window. He’s about to hop inside when the vision there shocks him.
Stiles is on the bed with some guy. They’re asleep, but Derek is sure he’s a handsome guy, he looks vaguely familiar. He’s got short, curly brown hair and skin the color of cappuccino. The boy is laying on his back and Stiles is lying on his side with his head resting on the boy’s shoulder. He idly purses his lips to kiss the kid’s neck. Derek bolts.
He goes to Scott’s house and is surprised when Isaac answers the door.
“Derek, hey, nice to have you back!”
“Where’s Scott?” Derek asks impatiently. He knows he’s being rude, but he can’t get images of the boy from his mind.
“Oh, nice to see you too, Isaac! Is what normal people would say, Derek, but hell, you’d have to notice me to think it was nice to see me, wouldn’t you?”
Derek has too much to say, but he can’t right then so he doesn’t. Instead he pushes past Isaac and heads upstairs to Scott’s room. He opens the door and sees the boy in beta shift looking at himself in the mirror. His Uncle told him he’d given Scott the bite and evidently Scott was taking to it well. Derek rolls his eyes.
“Is Stiles dating somebody?” Derek spits out as Scott changes back. Scott gives Derek the once over and shrugs.
“Dude, why don’t you ask him yourself?”
“I went over there, Scott and he’s in bed with some guy.”
“Lucas, yeah. That’s his boyfriend.”
“Lucas? The kid from highschool? How long have they been dating?”
“Since highschool, Derek. Why don’t you know this? You two have been friends longer than he and I have, I’m sure he’s mentioned something about him. Unless you know, you just blocked out those details for some reason.” Scott says with a cheeky lopsided grin. It was something he’d picked up from Stiles.
“What are you even talking about?”
“Since when don’t you know something about Stiles, Derek? Like, look dude, I’mma be frank here, but it’s pretty obvious that you’re stupid in love with him. You just get so caught up in your own shit that you lost him. You expected him to always be there, which he tries, but you fucking left and someone else came and got up on that. Stiles is awesome, did you think he was just going to wait for you?”
Derek glares at Scott who looks back at him in that Scott way where you can tell he just doesn’t understand why it’s a big deal. Or maybe he does and it’s Derek who’s the idiot?
“Is it serious?” Derek asks, dropping any airs to nonchalance. Scott shrugs.
“I mean, it’s Stiles. Who ever knows how serious he’ll really let it get, especially with you?” Derek refused to think about what that meant, but listened as Scott continues, “But he’s trying, they’ve been together for a while, it might be serious. It might be love.”
Derek turns to leave, but stops at the door.
“Tell Isaac I’m sorry, okay? I know he’ll forgive me, but I… I’m sorry.” Scott nods and Derek leaves and goes home. He spends the night and most of the next day in before making his way back to Stiles’ house. This time the boy is at his desk when Derek crawls into his window. He’s older, his hair is long and he’s wearing glasses. He takes Derek’s breath away.
Stiles looks up from his work and his bright smile disappears at the look on Derek’s face.
“Derek, what the fuck, are you okay? Was it Braeden? I told you, her uncle was way too detached for that apple to fall far from the tree. She broke your heart, didn’t she? That bitch!”
“Stiles.” Derek says, now fully inside the old room and leaning against the window sill.
“No, Derek! You don’t deserve that! You’re so good and so strong and she’s not worth your time. You’re amazing and you can do better, you are better. I keep telling you that, and I know it makes you uncomfortable, but I’m just going to keep saying it until I know for sure you believe me! So just deal with it, buddy!” Stiles has stood up and is poking Derek in the chest. This close Derek can smell him, past the faint smell of Lucas in the room, past the stale smell of text books and dirty laundry, there’s his Stiles; bright and energetic, like the air before a rain storm.
Derek looks at the fiery righteous anger on his behalf and doesn’t have the heart to correct Stiles. He grins and places his hands on the boy’s smooth waist, regarding him gently.
“I know, Stiles.” Derek says as he runs his hand up Stiles’ side and thumbs his bottom lip. His pouty pink, lower lip. “You’ve always been there for me.”
And then he kisses him. Sweetly at first, just a light pressing to lips and it feels like coming home in a way that Derek has only felt when he comes to Stiles’ house. Derek tilts his head slightly, running his tongue along the seam of Stiles’ lips until the boy gasps and Derek slips inside. They both get lost in the kiss… almost.
“Derek, what the hell!?” Stiles hisses out. He seems to have lost the feeling in his knees and is leaning against Derek, nearly swooning, but shaking his head. “What was that? I… I have a boyfriend, Derek! I… oh my god!” Stiles pushes Derek back slightly, narrowing his eyes,
“You were here last night weren’t you? You saw me and Lucas in bed, I knew it!” Stiles pushes off of Derek, throwing his hands into the air. “I heard you were back and Scott and Isaac were acting weird earlier today. I knew you were here! Shit… how did I know you were here?”
“Because you’re mine. You’ve always been mine, Stiles. It’s always been you.” Derek says with a finality that’s as much of a revelation as it is a declaration. Derek is calm and collected when he says it, but the coolness belies the pattering of his heart and the frenetic energy of Stiles’ panicked demeanor.
“Derek, what the fuck are you talking about? I’m yours?!” Stiles yells, pulling slightly at his hair. Derek reaches up and grabs Stiles’ hands as Stiles tries to work out whatever the hell is currently happening. Derek nods.
“I love you, Stiles. I’ve always loved you, I think I just didn’t love myself enough to admit it. But I’ve always needed you and wanted you.”
“And what, it took gallivanting your dick through the greater Beacon area and then to fucking Mexico to figure that out? You get to sleep with every other wayward buss in this town before you figured out you loved me?” Stiles seethes at Derek. Derek’s not worried though, he knows Stiles is hurt, but they’re still holding hands and Derek knows he fucked up by waiting too long.
“I kept looking for love and it was with you all along, I just knew I wasn’t good enough for you so I didn’t even consider it.”
“But you are good enough, Derek! For fucking me? Hell yeah, you’re perfect. I’ve-” Stiles stops and tries to pull his hand back, but Derek won’t let go. He won’t ever again.
“You’ve what? Tell me.” Derek insists, once again wrapping his arms around Stiles’ waist, fitting him close to him where he believes the boy belongs. Stiles looks at Derek and exhales, placing both hands on the boy’s chest, finally ready to tell his truth.
“After Lydia, all I ever wanted was you, Derek. And I thought maybe you felt the same until you met Kate. The way you spoke about her, I just… I never thought that I would have a chance. And I gotta admit, to hear that you love me back is fucking amazing; however-” Stiles wraps his arms arms around Derek’s shoulders, placing one hand on the back of Derek’s neck and rasping his knuckles along Derek’s beard with the other, “-I’m not a homewrecker, Derek. Especially not of my own damned home!” He adds, no unkindly.
“And I’m not a rebound. Just because Braeden broke your heart doesn’t mean you can just run and slot me in.”
“Braeden didn’t break my heart.” Derek says quickly. Stiles looks at him confused, and then suddenly resigned, as though he knew all along, but his brain was just now closing the case.
“You let me assume. You let me say all those awful things about her!”
“She deserved them.” Derek says with a small chuckle. Stiles rolls his eyes and Derek grins, “Ok, maybe not, she’s a cold hearted bitch, but she’s mostly okay. She didn’t hurt me or anything. No one has, they haven’t been able to.”
Stiles cocks an eyebrow, “Oh really, why’s that?”
“Because you have it.”
“Have what?”
“My heart.” Derek explains. Stiles’ mouth pulls into a little ‘Oh’ and then melts into a bemused smile. Derek takes Stiles’ hand and kisses the back before placing it over his heart. “Remember the night I broke into your house and you pulled the glass out of my hand? I left my heart here that night for safekeeping so I couldn’t get hurt.
“Stiles, you heal me more than werewolf powers ever did. Every time I got better it was after I came to you. I was sick, Stiles, and I was taught that wolves didn’t get sick, but I was sick, and you? You’re the remedy.”
Derek pulls Stiles into a hug and before pulling back he kisses his neck sweetly, like he remembers seeing his mom do to his dad. He leads them further into the room and they sit on the edge of the bed.
“You think you love Lucas? Okay, if you need that, I’m willing to wait.”
“What does that mean, Derek?” Stiles whispers, hoping against hope.
“It means that I understand that you need to see this thing through with Lucas. That you love me, but you don’t fully trust me, I get that. And if earning that trust means I have to be there for you, the way you were for me, then I can deal with that. So go off with Lucas, and when that fails comes to me. And if you meet someone else, try with them and when that ends, I’ll be there.
“And when you’re ready, and you’re sick and tired, come to me. I’ll be waiting with your dose.” Derek kisses Stiles again and goes to the window hopping out and running back home. He feels lighter than he ever has.
The next two years go by in a whirlwind. Stiles and Lucas break up and Stiles goes to Derek’s loft and cries in his arms. Derek assures him that there are other fish in the sea and that he’s too good for Lucas. He holds Stiles through the night and the next day Stiles goes back to school. He does well, completing his transfer program early and gets accepted into Berkeley. He comes home every other weekend and on breaks. He meets a TA named Cal who disrespects Stiles’ boundaries and that weekend it takes all of Stiles’ strength to keep Derek from traveling to Berkeley himself to dispose of Cal. Stiles can’t help the smile as Derek catalogs the many -frankly disturbing- ways he would have done it.
He goes back to school and breezes through his program, amassing enough credits to graduate in 3 years instead of 4. He comes home in the break before his final semester and goes straight to Derek’s loft where he lies in the bed until Derek gets home. Derek takes off his jacket and instantly spoons himself behind Stiles.
“Broken heart again? Who is it this time?” Derek asks, already running his hands through Stiles’ hair. Stiles just chuckles and shakes his head.
“I haven’t had my heart for a long time, Derek. Are you still keeping it safe for me?” He looks over his shoulder at the man’s arresting hazel eyes. Derek nods.
“Yeah, you ready for it back?”
Stiles doesn’t answer. He just lays his head back and closes his eyes as Derek envelopes himself around him. And somehow they know.
They both just know.
*
*