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Magnus was still smiling. Long after Alec kissed him in front of everyone, long after his mother had stormed out in a rage, and long after his siblings had congratulated him. Magnus was beautiful, but Alec had never seen him glowing with as much beauty as when he smiled like that at him. His smile was radiant, wide and bright and happy. His smile was infectious, whenever Alec saw it directed at him he couldn’t stop himself from smiling back, and he didn’t want to. Alec had seen Magnus smile before, but this was different. This smile was the most gorgeous thing he’d ever seen, his heart sped up when he looked at it, the crinkle of Magnus’ eyes as he beamed at him making him look so adorable and stunning. His happiness warmed Alec, dashed away all his concerns. Nothing mattered anymore, he didn’t give a single damn, because Magnus was happy and looking at him like he was his whole world, and Alec couldn’t get enough of it.
Whatever his concerns, or the concerns of his family, he knew he’d made the right decision looking at Magnus’ smile. He was beaming and shaking his head in disbelief, unable to even process what had just happened between them, and Alec felt immense pride (and no shortage of smugness) in having put that dazed look on the warlock’s face. He looked up at him with a smile so beautiful it stopped his heart still and made it hard to breathe. The thought that he almost gave up this man made his heart clench in fear. He wanted so badly to kiss him again. He could, technically, they were alone, and after what had happened he could kiss him whenever he wanted. Could touch him when he liked. He didn’t have to hide anymore, and that freedom was so liberating. But his usual awkward shyness was holding him back, that ounce of courage that had surged through him at the ceremony from Magnus’ appearance was gone, and his nerves were firmly back in place. How could he express what he wanted from Magnus if he couldn’t even bring himself to do it in private?
“I should probably get out of this dumb suit,” he found himself muttering, not knowing what else to say in the silence that was filling the room.
“You do look rather dashing in it, but perhaps that would be best,” Magnus grinned, reaching up to loosen his bowtie.
His hands so close to his chest made Alec’s heart race, and he was sure Magnus felt that, if his smile was anything to go by. He opened his mouth to speak as Magnus’ hands disappeared from doing their job.
“I have to ask...” he said.
“Yes?” Magnus’ eyes twinkled with mischief, something Alec found himself liking.
“You’re wearing black…that’s on purpose isn’t it?”
Magnus smirked smugly. “It’s your colour Alexander, the colour of the Shadowhunters. But of course with my own flare added to it,”
He motioned to the highlights in his hair, and the red velvet blazer he was wearing over the black top. Alec smiled. For the first time since they met, Magnus was the one in black and Alec wasn’t. The fact that Magnus had deliberately planned that made him happy, probably happier than it should have.
“It looks good on you,” he commented. “But you look best in blue,”
“You think so?” Magnus smiled. Alec just hummed in response. Magnus chuckled, shaking his head fondly.
“I’m going to…go change I guess.” Alec muttered. “You…wait here? I’ll be back.”
“Of course Alexander,” Magnus nodded. “So long as your parents don’t find me and try to murder me before you get back,”
“They wouldn’t do that…” then Alec frowned. “Would they?” after all, his parents had been part of the Circle.
“Well it certainly wouldn’t be the first time,” Magnus said mildly. “But enough of that, you go change. I’ll be here.”
So Alec shuffled off to his room to change into more comfortable clothes, and Magnus sat down at the table that was still covered in Ragnor’s belongings. He reached over and picked up a goblet, one of Ragnor’s favourites. He twirled it in his hands, thinking about the advice he’d given him, and thinking of Alec. He kissed him in front of everyone, everyone that mattered to him. That had to have been terrifying. And all Magnus had had to do was show up, fully convinced he’d be turned away. He hadn’t been expecting that kiss, not in a million years would he have expected Alec to kiss him in front of everyone at his own wedding. How did they go from “you don’t have any clue of what I feel, so back off.” To kissing in front of everyone in the span of two days? Magnus frowned.
Had he…done the wrong thing? Alec had been adamant in denying he had any feelings for Magnus, but Magnus hadn’t believed him. What if he was just refusing to believe he wasn’t interested? But he kissed him. That had to say everything right? Who kisses people they’re not interested in? At their own wedding to another person? In front of their judgemental parents? Judgemental parents that would never accept Alec for who he was.
“This is all just a game to you, isn’t it? You flirt, you laugh, you use magic, but at the end of the day what do you risk?”
Alec was right. What did Magnus risk at the end of the day? Nothing. His feelings for Alec were no game, he was not playing some elaborate cat-and-mouse game for fun, they were genuine feelings, but that wasn’t the way Alec saw it.
“Even if I feel something for you, you want me to give up my life for you? I have to do what’s right for me, I could lose my family, my career, everything!”
In that kiss Alec had given up everything for Magnus. He had thrown away his life, he’d put himself out there in the open, open to ridicule, rejection, and worse. Magnus had no right to ask that of Alec, none at all, and never would he ask him to give up anything for him. But he had. Magnus just wanted Alec to be happy, it didn’t have to be with him. But Alec was smiling now, despite the problems presented because of the two of them, surely in the end that made it worth it? Alec’s happiness was worth everything to Magnus, but at what cost was it achieved?
“Hey,” Magnus felt Alec’s hand on his shoulder, warm and gentle in its presence. “Magnus are you okay?”
Magnus caught his reflection in the silver goblet in his hand – he looked miserable. He glanced up as Alec took a seat next to him, hand still on his back, eyes filled with concern. Bless this man, no one could ask for a better man.
“Alexander…no I’m fine it’s…it’s nothing…” Magnus again looked down, staring absently at the goblet he was playing with.
“It’s something Magnus,” Alec said. “Tell me. What’s wrong? Do you…do you regret kissing me back…?”
“No!” Magnus looked up sharply. “Never!”
Alec gave a small smile, but it lit up his entire face, his eyes lighting up like lamps. Magnus felt himself flush as he realised how loud he’d shouted, and he looked away as though embarrassed.
“It’s just…” Magnus sighed. “Are you…am I…I mean d-did I…ugh…”
Magnus trailed off, not knowing how to ask what he was thinking. This made Alec more worried. Magnus never stuttered, he was never self-conscious like this, and he never avoided looking at Alec while he spoke. He tried to cheer him up and lighten the mood a little.
“Magnus Bane, stuttering? Unheard of.” He smirked. “Got to write this down on my calendar,”
Magnus gave a weak smirk back. “Don’t get used to it, you’ll never see it again.” He said.
“Aw but I was starting to like it,” Alec moved his hand to take the goblet off Magnus while he chuckled quietly, placing the cup back on the table and taking Magnus’ hand in his. “Just tell me what’s wrong Magnus, you don’t need to worry you can tell me anything,”
“Anything?” Magnus smirked. “I doubt that Alexander, the things I’d like to say to you would make your pretty cheeks turn bright red and you’d scamper out of the room,”
Alec did in fact go red at that, but he grinned at Magnus. “I don’t scamper,” he said.
Magnus laughed breathlessly. “Of course not.” he agreed quietly.
He glanced down at their joined hands, and his smile faded. Alec squeezed his hand gently, forehead furrowing into a frown, wishing Magnus would speak his mind so he could help.
“I’m sorry,” Magnus said eventually.
“Sorry? For what?” Alec’s eyebrows rose in surprise.
“For forcing you to throw everything you’d worked for away.” Magnus wouldn’t look at him, he just kept staring at their hands.
“Magnus you’ve never forced me to do anything,” Alec frowned. “You just gave me the strength to do things I couldn’t have without you.”
“Your parents hate you because of me Alexander,” Magnus looked up desperately. “You chose a Downworlder over them. If I hadn’t have turned up tonight you would have married Lydia –”
“And been miserable.” Alec finished firmly. “You said it yourself Magnus, neither of us deserved it. And neither did you.”
“Your happiness has nothing to do with me Alec,” Magnus murmured. “It’s not my place, I never wanted to come between you and what you wanted,”
“And you didn’t. Magnus you are what I want,” Alec insisted. “You think I’d kiss you like that if you weren’t my choice?”
“But I…” Magnus looked at Alec hopelessly. “You’ve given up everything…”
“I’ve lost nothing that matters,” Alec said, squeezing Magnus’ hand. “I’ve got my siblings, I’ve got you. Yeah it hurts that my parents are against it, and yes it upsets me that they can’t look at you as anything other than a warlock, but I’m tired of living a lie. Nothing you ever said or did has ever forced me to do anything Magnus, you just helped me find the courage to make my own decisions, to do what I wanted for once. That’s all.”
Magnus looked down, unable to reply. Alec finally caught on to what was bothering him.
“You’re thinking about what I said yesterday,”
Magnus nodded dejectedly. Alec sighed, and leaned over to press his lips against Magnus’ forehead, the only thing he was brave enough to do.
“Magnus I was lying,” he whispered. “I was just scared of what you made me feel, I never meant…I hurt you, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Magnus said immediately. “It’s not as if you were wrong,”
“No, it’s not okay.” Alec argued.
“You were willing to give up your life for me, what have I done? Pushed you and acted as though everything’s about me,” Magnus muttered, looking angry at himself. “I don’t risk anything at the end of the day,”
“You risked everything.” Alec said simply.
Magnus looked up dubiously.
“You, a warlock, walked into an Institute filled with Clave envoys and other Shadowhunters, none of which are too fond of you in the least, to stop me making the biggest mistake of my life. You stood there and you offered me your heart to take or to break. I could have sent you away, I could have rejected you and gotten married anyway. You risked being humiliated and heartbroken in front of everyone just to see me happy. I chose happiness Magnus. I chose you.”
“I…” Magnus didn’t think about that. He didn’t really think of anything at all when he stormed his way into the Institute. All he was thinking about was Alec and his happiness.
“When I said you risk nothing, and that I could lose everything, I meant that because I was angry. But then when I saw you standing there…taking that risk for me, I knew I could live with losing everything.” Alec went on.
“I don’t deserve you,” Magnus blurted out, unable to believe this gorgeous Shadowhunter thought of him that way after so short a time of knowing one another.
“Magnus.” Alec looked at him like he was the entire world, and Magnus shivered. “No one has ever cared about what I wanted, about what I needed, before I met you. No one but Izzy has ever cared about my happiness. You make me able to live as I am without being so terrified of it. I’m a little scared right now, and I’m a little overwhelmed, especially by the way you make me feel, I haven’t felt like this before so it’s…a lot to take in. But I’ll get over that in time,”
Magnus leaned his head upwards, as if to kiss Alec, but stopped before he reached him, letting Alec decide. Alec leaned down to meet him and they kissed like there was no tomorrow. Alec liked kissing Magnus, though he had nothing to compare it to it was the best feeling in the world. Magnus kissed him hungrily, but gently, always moving step-by-step with Alec, never pushing further or going faster than what Alec did. He appreciated that. Eventually the need to breathe became too hard to ignore and they pulled away from each other, panting heavily. The beautifully bashful smile reappeared on Magnus' face, and Alec loved being the one to have put it there.
"Alexander, if I gave you something, would you keep it?" Magnus asked quietly.
"Yeah, why?" Alec asked slowly, tilting his head slightly to one side.
He watched curiously as Magnus blushed, something he never did, and withdraw his hands from Alec's. He took off one of the rings he wore, a simple silver band in the shape of two winding serpents wound around each other in an infinite circle. On his left hand he wore an identical ring, but he held out the ring from his right hand to Alec.
"You don't have to wear it if you don't want to," Magnus began. "But it would give me piece of mind if you kept it,"
Alec carefully took the intricate ring from Magnus, turning it over in his fingers. It was beautiful, and he felt magic in this cold metal.
"It's beautiful," he murmured.
"Ragnor gave it to me, for my birthday about 300 years ago," Magnus smiled fondly. "It's an old warlock tradition, the serpents are wound together an in infinite loop, together forever. It matches the one I have, they usually come in pairs."
"What does it mean?" Alec asked.
"Warlocks give them to those they care about," Magnus said quietly. "So no matter how far life takes them, they'll always be together. I once almost gave one to Camille, but Ragnor told me she was unworthy of such a gift. For some reason I believed him, deep down I knew he was right,"
"But you loved her, why would you believe him?" Alec frowned.
"Because Ragnor was always correct about these things, I took his advice and kept the rings to myself. He told me to only give it to someone worthy of my eternal affections."
"And you think...I'm worthy of that?" Alec raised both eyebrows. "You really...you think that?"
Magnus smiled sweetly. "Alexander I know so. No matter who I might have loved in the past, none of them have ever made me feel like this. So yes, you are worthy of my love and devotion."
Alec smiled shyly. "You love me? Already?"
Magnus chuckled. "Ragnor always said I fall for people very quickly, and love very fiercely. So yes, I do love you Alexander."
Alec felt his whole body tingle hearing that Magnus loved him.
"But I don't expect you to love me just yet," Magnus went on, his head tilted to one side and he smirked at Alec. "We've only just met after all, and this is all very new to you."
"It is a bit...much to take in..." Alec admitted embarrassingly. "But I know I want to love you...and I want to be worthy of this ring."
Magnus smiled softly as he slipped it onto his finger. He was already worthy of it, but Magnus didn't comment.
“Take your time Alexander, I have all the time in the world to wait for you. We could slow things down, I don’t want you getting too overwhelmed.” Magnus said.
He suddenly grinned. “In fact, you know what I just realised? We still haven’t gone on our first date yet,”
Alec smiled. “You’re right, we haven’t. You wanna…I dunno…get a drink, sometime?”
Magnus beamed. “I would love that,”
“Great,” Alec breathed. He grinned suddenly, and stood up, pulling Magnus with him. “How about right now?”
Magnus grinned, tempted to tell him that now was not a good time, but he nodded, and let Alec pull him out of the room. They’d be okay. There were going to be okay. Magnus had to believe that. And with Alec’s hands in his, his body warm against his as he leaned against him as they walked, it was an easy thing to believe.