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His vision blurred, his mind gelatinous. He swam in pure subconscious, a pool of his own thoughts. Jun wandered through, not seeing himself nor much in front of him. Everything around looked like a smudged oil painting, thick and melded as the colors did no favors in shaping any sort of landscape in front of him. Trying to ball his fist, his arms felt weak, raw. Exhaustion pooled through his body, as he floated through the cacophony in front of him.
Flames tore through his vision, an image of the Alaya Shrine engulfed in flames. He saw a familiar girl there, trapped inside as the fire consumed her very flesh. She shrieked for him to run. “Jun! J-Jun run!” Her cries were strained, her voice hoarse and raw from the smoke. Jun tried to move his legs to save the young girl, but he was stuck. It was as if his feet were lead, anchoring him down to whatever end. He certainly couldn’t see the bottom.
Maya! Maya! Maya! Jun tried to call out to her, but no sound emerged from him. He felt a hand grab his face, twirling him around roughly. “You couldn’t save her. He did this to her. Now your big sister is dead,” the voice cackled. Jun’s eyes widened in horror as he saw his other self before him. Joker’s smile was unhinged, dripping with hostility. He wanted nothing more than to run to Maya, a selfish part of him hoping for her embrace, but she was gone, along with the shrine and the fire. With his body frozen, only Joker surrounded him as his own voice mocked him.
“And you love the one that killed her. It’s all his fault you know…” Jun's voice was still absent, his arms glued to his sides. He attempted to close his eyes, to no avail. “But you can atone for this sin,” Joker continued. He raised an arm slowly, pointing in front of them. Tatsuya stood before Jun. It was almost impossible to distinguish, his frame mere blobs forming into a shape that barely resembled a person.
But Jun knew Tatsuya.
“Go on,” Joker’s voice urged. “Atone.”
Without warning, Jun’s arm shot up, as Chronos appeared behind him.
No. No. No.
Jun pleaded in his mind, but he couldn’t control his own body. “Cross Fortune,” he finally said. The last thing he saw were his love’s panicked eyes before he shot awake.
Jun’s breathing staggered. He heaved and heaved, nails digging into his scalp as he steadied himself.
Next to him, Tatsuya stirred. “Y’okay?” he asked, sitting up. Jun waited a moment to catch his breath, “Sorry, Tacchi. Another nightmare.” He felt calloused hands on one of his own, gripping it tightly. “‘s okay, we’re safe,” Tatsuya said, rubbing an eye with his free hand. “I’m here.” Jun’s chest ached, he’d hoped that being with Tatsuya would alleviate his nightmares but they still seemed to haunt him every so often. He felt even worse that they woke Tatsuya up more than they did him. “I hate to ask, but can you stay up with me for a bit?”
Tatsuya nodded, sitting upright. “Of course,” his voice was still dripping with sleep.
He rubbed circles on Jun’s thumb, humming. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“It’s the same as always,” Jun sighed out. “I just wish a part of me didn’t see us like that. The look in your eyes each time, i-it--” Jun’s false memories still infected the very depths of him. Fear gripped him, thinking one day he may very well lose himself once more in his dream state. If Joker convinced him enough, he was afraid he’d turn back into the entity and if that happened–
“T-Tatsuya, I’m sorry.” Hot tears rolled down Jun’s face, his body convulsing. Tatsuya pulled him into an embrace as Jun’s tears spilled onto Tatsuya’s skin. “I’m-I’m sorry,” Jun’s voice hiccupped. Tatsuya hummed lowly, rubbing his back. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
The two sat in their bed in comfortable silence. Jun’s breathing regulated as he allowed himself to melt more into Tatsuya. He was happy to have Tatsuya by his side, as he wasn’t always so lucky. Even now it didn’t feel earned. It was as if they were sticking it to fate, knowing realistically they shouldn’t have been given this luxury. Perhaps that was why his dreams haunted him. “Maybe I didn’t do enough at Xibalba,” Jun began. “Maybe this is my punishment.” Tatsuya sighed through his nose, “It could have been worse. At least we’re alive.” Jun nodded slowly into Tatsuya’s shoulder, breaking their contact after a moment. Jun stared at him fiercely, his face serious and unmoving.
“This is real, right?” Tatsuya squeezed his slender hand, cupping the other man’s face. Wordlessly, he placed his lips onto Jun’s own. Tatsuya pulled him closer, his arms enveloping the other's body. Jun sighed into Tatsuya’s lips, relief washing over him like a tide.
This is real.
Jun always appreciated how reassuring Tatsuya was. Even without words, he always knew what Jun needed. We’re here. Jun entangled his fingers in Tatsuya’s hair. We’re safe. Tatsuya’s hand traveled to the small of Jun’s back, warm and secure. I love you. Jun clutched Tatsuya’s chest, feeling his heart beating rigorously. I will always be here.
Tatsuya’s skin was almost feverish to the touch, always searing, yet comfortable. Jun relished the warmth he provided and thanked his lucky stars he could be with Tatsuya. Most days it didn’t feel real, if his nightmares proved anything. But he was here. Tatsuya was here. They were here together. Fate was cruel and tried to rip them apart. Fate meant nothing, even if it brought them back together. They found each other again. No gods or higher beings did so, even if they claim to have. Jun would denounce it all, selfishly, because he knew they were all safe. He would denounce it all, knowing Tatsuya would do the same. Even if this wasn’t real, it was his reality.
And he was going to hold onto it until his hands were raw and bleeding.
Jun drew Tatsuya down slowly, as their heads met the pillows below them. He burrowed close to Tatsuya, as close as he physically could. Any closer and he’d phase right through his arms. Tatsuya purred like an engine, a low hum in his throat. Jun scoffed out a laugh against the other man’s shoulder. “Tickles,” Tatsuya says, sleep dripping in his voice once more. Jun couldn’t help but smile against his skin. He silently wished for no more dreams about Joker. No more dreams about Maya being hurt. No more dreams about him hurting his love. With Tatsuya’s grip unwavering even well into sleep, Jun settled himself.
“Goodnight, starlight.” Jun pressed his lips against Tatsuya’s cheek one last time before drifting back to sleep.