Chapter Text
The way it began was innocuous enough. Their legs intertwined, Hide pressed small, tender kisses on every bit of Kaneki's exposed skin, from his cheeks to his forehead to his nose to the backs of his hands.
The longer they went on, however, the more heated it became. Hide's kisses became hot and desperate; he sucked fervently on Kaneki's neck, then slipped his tongue into his mouth and his hand down his pants, and—
—it was too much. It was just too much for Kaneki to handle. It made no sense. Hadn't they literally had sex just last week? What was wrong with him now? Why was he so uncomfortable, so panicked? His body was tense, shaky, not responding the way he wanted it to. He was supposed to be enjoying this, but he was—well, he was scared and it made no sense. Confused, upset, and unable to move, he found himself unable to ask Hide to stop for fear of him being disappointed or angry with him.
And—thank god—Hide seemed to take notice of his discomfort almost immediately.
"You—you don't want this, do you?" he mumbled hastily, worriedly, his hands stilling and eyes fluttering open.
Biting his lip nervously, Kaneki nodded, and at once, Hide pulled away, his eyes wide with sympathy and worry. "Oh—oh god, I'm sorry, Kaneki, I'm so sorry. I should've asked... We don't have to do this. It's okay."
"A-are you sure? I don't—I don't want to disappoint you, Hide, I—"
"No, no, no, that's fine! I won't force you." He smiled brightly, no trace of anger or disappointment to be found in his expression. "Consent is key, my dear 'neki. Do you just want to cuddle?"
Despite the fact that tears were gathering in Kaneki's eyes, he cracked a timid smile and nodded quietly. Hide pulled a blanket from over the couch and settled it gently over his trembling shoulders, rubbing them tenderly before pulling him close.
"It's important to me that you're comfy, 'kay? If you don't like what I'm doing, you need to tell me," he murmured, running his fingers through Kaneki's hair.
"But...?" He looked up at Hide, confused yet tremendously relieved and grateful. "What about what you want?"
"What I want doesn't matter if you don't feel safe and comfortable," he replied, firm but calm.
Tears spilled over the brim of Kaneki's eyes, and he buried himself into the fabric of Hide's shirt, placing his head on his chest, and mumbled his gratitude over and over again while Hide gently stroked his hair and murmured an equal amount of reassurance.
Eventually, Kaneki pulled away and met his eyes. His face was a bit of a wet mess from crying, but he tamped down the urge to hiccup and apologized, "I'm sorry, Hide... I-I don't know what came over me, I know I should've been enjoying it, but I, um, I just—I didn't w-want—" He cleared his throat, collected his thoughts, and continued, more coherently, "I just... I got overwhelmed, I guess? I don't know how to explain it," he muttered, kicking himself over yet another aspect of his personality that he couldn't just be normal in.
"Shh, Kaneki, it's fine," reassured Hide, quieter and more gentle than his usual boisterous tone. "It's okay to not feel up to it all the time and it's okay to say no if you're uncomfortable. I never want to make you feel unsafe, okay?" He lifted Kaneki slightly into a sitting position and pressed their foreheads together. "I just want you to be happy and comfy."
Hide followed the tender statement up with a goofy grin that did a terrific job of lightening the mood and bringing a soft smile to Kaneki's own face.
"I love you so much, Hide."
"Love you too, 'neki." He nuzzled Kaneki's nose with his own before allowing him to curl up on the sofa, his head in Hide's lap, resting against his soft stomach.
If there was anywhere he felt safe, it was here.