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Mahiro stirred in his bed, groaning as the fresh, morning breeze woke him early. He squeezed his dakimakura and tried to catch a few more snoozes before Mihari inevitably came to force him to get up. Except, wasn’t his daki supposed to be softer than this? And did he even go to sleep holding it last night? Also, did it just make a cute sound, kind of like a cat?
“Onii-chan!” Mihari shouted as she entered the room. “Time to get up! C’mon, we’re burning daylight!” Mihari pulled the covers off of Mahiro, and froze. “Onii-chan? Care to explain?”
Mahiro opened his eyes and looked at what he was holding. It was a girl. A little girl, with long, blonde hair. A little girl who looked just like him when he was in his girl form. Speaking of which, he was in his male form right now!
“W-What’s going on?!” he shouted, releasing the girl and sitting up.
The girl yawned and also sat up, rubbing her eye as she looked up at Mihari. “Morning, Mihari,” she said, before looking over her shoulder at Mahiro. She blinked a few times, then looked just as shocked as he did. “Ehhhhh?!”
“So, somehow, it seems your boy persona and your girl persona have separated,” Mihari surmised. “I wonder if the medicine could have mutated in some way? Hmmm, this is very fascinating indeed.”
“Who cares how it happened?!” Mahiro shouted. “What are we going to do now?!”
“Yeah, now there are two of us running around!” Mahiro agreed, slamming her hands on the table.
“Now, now. First off, let’s make things less confusing.” Mihari pointed to the girl Mahiro. “You can be Mahiro-chan from now on.” She pointed to the boy Mahiro. “And we’ll just call you Onii-chan.”
“I don’t even get my name,” Onii-chan griped.
“Anyway, isn’t this good for you? Now you don’t have to worry about acting like a girl or going to school. You can just go back to your old life again!”
Onii-chan scratched his head. “Yeah, I guess you have a point. It’s certainly better than lying to everyone about who I am, right?”
The doorbell rang, and both Mahiros jumped to their feet. “Ah, the girls-” they said in unison.
Mihari sighed. “Mahiro-chan should answer. Onii-chan, pretend like you’ve never met them.”
Mahiro-chan ran to the door, and in walked Momiji, Miyo, Asahi, and a confused-looking Nayuta.
“Oh, is that your big brother?” Momiji asked. “He’s back from college?”
“Y-Yeah, guess he’ll be living here from now on,” Mahiro-chan replied.
“What are you all doing today?” Mihari asked.
“Going to the park,” Onii-chan answered. “Er, I mean, I assume?”
“Yep!” Asahi answered. “We’re gonna watch the cherry blossoms!”
“Sounds nice,” Mihari said. “Mind if we tag along? We won’t get in the way.”
“Not at all,” Miyo said. “The more the merrier. It’s nice to meet you, Onii-chan.”
“L-Likewise,” Onii-chan replied. ‘We’ve already met, though.’
“Well then, let’s go!” Mahiro-chan cheered, the other girls joining her. Onii-chan felt like he wanted to cheer, too, but he restrained himself.
“So, I guess that’s it then,” Onii-chan said, sitting beside Mihari on a bench, as the two watched Mahiro-chan and the others enjoying their picnic. “No more school, and no more hanging out with Momiji and the others.”
“Ehhh? Are you sad?” Mihari asked.
Onii-chan smiled. “It’s better this way. Now I won’t have to worry about abandoning them when I stop taking the medicine.”
“You were worried about that?”
Onii-chan nodded. “I know friendships don’t always last forever, but when a friend just stops hanging out with you, and you don’t even know why… that’s the worst feeling ever.” He hung his head. “It can make you stop trusting in people altogether. Or you might wonder what you did wrong, and how you could’ve been better, but by then it’s too late.”
“Well then, this must be a relief for you,” Mihari said. “Now you don’t have to worry about them abandoning you. You can go back to being a loner again, with no fear of being left behind. Isn’t that what you really want?”
Onii-chan looked over at the girls playing. Mahiro-chan was laughing so loud that he could almost hear her. “Yeah. I guess so.”
Onii-chan grabbed his controller and sat himself down, pumped and ready to go! It was time to catch up on all of the missed gaming from being back in school!
The hours passed as Onii-chan worked his way through his backlog, only pausing to watch anime or post online. As the room became darker, he put down the controller and stared at the white screen before him. “This… feels less fun without the others.” No Momiji cheering him on, even if she didn’t understand the game. No Nayuta admiring his gaming prowess. No Mihari bursting into his room, telling him to take a break.
Onii-chan paused the game and got up, deciding to see what Mihari was up to. He walked to the living room, where he found Mihari and Mahiro-chan folding laundry together. They probably hadn’t heard him enter, since neither even so much as glanced his way. “Hey, you need a hand?”
“Hm?” Mihari turned to him, smiling. “Oh, it’s okay. I know you don’t like doing this kind of thing, and I have Mahiro-chan now. We’re having so much fun together, aren’t we?”
“Yeah!” Mahiro-chan confirmed.
“You can just go do whatever, Onii-chan,” Mihari said.
Onii-chan felt an uneasy pit in his stomach, and for just the briefest moment, he could’ve sworn he saw Mahiro-chan grinning at him, before she turned back to continue folding the laundry.
Since Mihari didn’t need any help, and he didn’t feel like gaming at the moment, Onii-chan decided to go for a quiet walk outside. Something he’d never have thought to do before taking the medicine, but right now, being at the house just made him feel uneasy.
As he walked, he noticed somebody familiar walking towards him. “Hey, Kaede-chan!”
Kaede stopped and tilted her head. “Hm? Have we met?”
“Ah.” He remembered that he was no longer a girl. “I-I’m Mihari’s older brother, um-”
“Oh, Onii-chan!” Kaede clapped her hands. “So this is what you look like. I’ve never seen you before.” Onii-chan let out a nervous laugh. “Well, it’s nice to meet you. Take care.”
And just like that, Kaede passed him. She wouldn’t even spare a second to humour him with a conversation. As he watched her leave, he saw Mahiro-chan further along.
“Mahiro-chan!” Kaede ran up to Mahiro-chan and gave her a warm smile, patting the girl’s head. “How have you been? Would you like to stop and chat for a bit?”
“Sure,” Mahiro-chan said, staring directly into Onii-chan’s eyes. “I’ve always got time for people, Kaede-chan, unlike someone.”
Onii-chan felt a shiver down his spine. He wanted to argue that he’s not like that anymore, but he realised that he was going to be late for school.
Onii-chan opened his closet and took out his uniform, only to find that it was much too small for him now. “Oh, right…” He put the uniform away and left the room in his pyjamas. Inside the living room, Mihari was packing a lunch into Mahiro-chan’s bag, while Mahiro-chan straightened her uniform and put on her shoes.
“Have a good day, Mahiro-chan,” Mihari said, handing Mahiro-chan her bag.
“Thanks! See you later, Onee-san!” Mahiro-chan glanced at Onii-chan, and gave the same grin as before, before leaving the house.
“Mihari,” Onii-chan began, “If you have time, you wanna-”
“Sorry, I’m busy right now,” Mihari said, walking past without even looking at him. “I’ve left lunch for you. Do whatever you want, just don’t disturb me.”
Onii-chan heard Mihari’s door close. He walked over to the couch and threw himself onto it. “I was gonna offer to help…”
Hours must have passed, because it wasn’t long before Mahiro-chan returned, together with Miyo, Asahi, and Nayuta. They were laughing as they walked into the house, and Mahiro-chan sighed as she looked at Onii-chan. “Don’t tell me you’ve been like that all day. Honestly.”
Miyo giggled. “What an unreliable big brother.”
“A real loser,” Asahi put bluntly.
“I overestimated him,” Nayuta said, jotting down a note.
“Is he going to watch us all day?” Momiji asked, a grossed-out look on her face.
“Onii-chan, we’re going to my room. Don’t disturb us,” Mahiro-chan said, and then she ushered the other girls through the house, to their shared bedroom.
Onii-chan walked through the streets, hoping to clear the unpleasant memory from his mind. He wondered what Mahiro-chan and the others were doing now, and how much fun they were having. “Oh, right, there was a group project today, wasn’t there? I was looking forward to that…”
As he walked, Onii-chan passed by Momiji, Miyo, Asahi and Nayuta. They were talking about something, and seemed to be having fun. He spun around, confirming it was them. “Wait, weren’t you guys just at my house?”
They stopped, turning back to him with blank stares.
“Who’s he?” Asahi asked.
“I’m not sure,” Miyo replied.
“Is he talking to us?” Momiji asked. “How creepy.”
“We should report him,” Nayuta said, taking out her phone. “Mahiro-chan, hurry!”
“I’m coming!” Mahiro-chan replied, running past Onii-chan. She stopped and turned to him, and said, “They’re not your friends anymore. Don’t talk to them.”
Onii-chan took a step back, feeling eyes on him and voices whispering in his mind. He turned and ran, the voices were replaced with mocking laughter.
He kept running until he saw a door in the road, and he swung it open, yelling, “I’m home!”
Onii-chan walked into the living room, and saw Mihari and Mahiro-chan in the kitchen, preparing dinner. “What’s for dinner tonight?” he asked, but they didn’t respond. “Oi!” Mihari turned to him, looking annoyed.
“Oh, you’re up? I’ve already left you dinner, feel free to eat it in your room.”
Onii-chan frowned. “I’ll eat in here, with you.”
Mihari let out a sigh. “You don’t have to do that. I’m eating with Mahiro-chan, and there’s only enough space for two.”
Onii-chan turned to the table, and sure enough, it only had two spots available. One was occupied by Mihari, and the other by Mahiro-chan, and they were both enjoying a pleasant conversation without him.
Mahiro-chan turned to Onii-chan as the world turned black around him. “Don’t you get it yet, Onii-chan? She’s not your sister anymore. You’re just the lonely loser that never loved anyone, so why should anyone love you?”
Onii-chan shook his head. Momiji, Miyo, Asahi and Nayuta approached the table, filling the four empty spaces it had to join Mihari and Mahiro-chan.
“Are you still here?” Mihari asked. “Since when did you care about spending time with me? Only Mahiro-chan and I bonded like that.”
Mahiro-chan chuckled. “Go back to your cave, Onii-chan. There’s no room for you here. They all love Mahiro-chan, not you.”
“Why is he still here?” Miyo asked. “Does he think he belongs?”
“Creepy!” Asahi said.
“I’m no longer obligated to like you, Onii-chan,” Nayuta said.
Momiji glared at him. “Why was a man like that trying to get close to us? I hate him.”
Mihari turned to him, staring blankly into his eyes. “I don’t need you anymore, Onii-chan. I’ve got a little sister now, and she’s way better.”
Mahiro called out, but his voice was silent. He tried reaching out, but his legs wouldn’t move, and they drifted further and further away he sunk into the black abyss, until he was back in his room, dark and dank, with steel bars lining the walls.
“Loser.”
“Trash.”
“Useless.”
“Unreliable.”
“Not cute.”
“Pathetic.”
“Why couldn’t you just stay as a girl?”
“You belong here.”
“No one cares about you, not really.”
Mahiro crouched, holding himself and shivering as the familiar voices of his friends and family bombarded him. “Please,” he said, hyperventilating. “It’s not true, I’m not like that anymore. Give me another chance, I’m begging you.”
“Why?”
“No second chances.”
“You’ll never change.”
“You had your chance.”
“Just die here alone.”
“Please!” Mahiro ran for the bars. "Please don't go! Come back!" Mahiro panted, his face stained with tears. When he had stopped screaming, the quiet of the night pierced his ears. He was back in Momiji's room, where he, Miyo, Asahi and Nayuta were having a sleepover. His heart raced and his breathing increased.
"Mahiro-chan?" Momiji asked as she stirred awake, sitting up and rubbing her eye. "What happened? Did you have a bad dream? ... Mahiro-chan?" She could see the shape of Mahiro sitting in the dark, but she couldn't make out any specific details. Getting up, Momiji turned on the lights, and saw Mahiro curled into a ball, rocking and taking deep, unsteady breaths as she sobbed. "Mahiro-chan?!"
Miyo, Asahi and Nayuta also started to wake. "What's going on?" Miyo asked.
"Issit morning already?" Asahi asked with a long yawn.
Nayuta woke up quickly, and watched as Momiji held Mahiro in her arms, stroking his hair and trying to comfort him. "Mahiro-chan?"
Miyo and Asahi also noticed, and they quickly joined Momiji in holding the panicking Mahiro. "Mahiro-chan, I don't know what's wrong, but we’re right here. You're not alone," Miyo said.
"Right! You got us!" Ashai affirmed, but that only seemed to make Mahiro tremble more.
"I'll get Kaede-neesan," Nayuta said, picking up her phone and hurrying out of the room. As she walked down the hall, she texted Mihari, urging her to come by quick.
"I'm really sorry, Mihari," Kaede apologised, looking worried. Not for herself, but for Mahiro, who was now holding onto Mihari’s arm with both hands, and still hadn't said a word since the panic attack.
"It's not your fault, Kaede," Mihari said. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm glad you and the others were here. Thank you for doing all you could and keeping her safe."
"Yeah... Lemme know how it goes, okay?"
Mihari nodded, and turned her attention to Momiji and the other girls, standing behind Kaede. "Thank you for looking out for Mahiro-chan."
"N-No problem," Momiji said, her hands clasped together as she focussed on Mahiro. "Mahiro-chan, whatever's wrong, I'll be here when you're ready."
"Me too!" Asahi declared.
"Me three!" Miyo added.
"I'll help," Nayuta said, staring at Mahiro as if trying to analyse his condition.
Mahiro simply stared back at them. ‘I ruined everything. They hate me, I know they do.’
With a bow, Mihari left with Mahiro, and as they walked down the street, she tried speaking to him. "Onii-chan, are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" She received no response. "Okay, you don't have to talk yet. But you know I'll always support you no matter what, right? Whatever's wrong, we can work through it together."
‘Only as your little sister, though. If I were your big brother, I’d look pathetic and you’d be mad at me for disturbing you with all this.’
When they reached home and stepped inside, Mihari made her way to the kitchen, when Mahiro finally spoke.
"Hey, Mihari?" he said, and she turned quickly, holding her breath. "Tomorrow... do you wanna redecorate my room with me?"
Mihari blinked. Where did that come from? "Your room? But it's fine the way it is, right?"
"W-We could make it pink, and add cute flower and heart decals. Maybe make the curtains more lacey?"
"Onii... chan?"
"No!" Mahiro snapped, making Mihari flinch. Mahiro raised his head, a forced, twisted smile on his crying face. "Not 'Onii-chan'. I'm Mahiro-chan, right? Your little sister."
Mihari held her hands over her mouth, tears starting to form in her own eyes. "What're you talking about?"
"Onee-chan, I'll be whatever you want me to be..." Mahiro began to sob. "I'll be your little sister. I'll go to school and make lots of friends, I'll be somebody's bride one day. So please... please don't stop loving me."
Mihari felt the bile rising up her throat as she started to cry, her sobs muffled by her hands. “Stop it…”
"Onee-chan? Onee-chan, do you not want me, even as your little sister? I promise to do better. I'll never change back, I'll throw everything away. You can burn all of the old photos of me, and we can take new ones to your liking!"
Mihari hurried to the bathroom to vomit. Mahiro simply stared at where she was, and fell to his knees. "Onee-chan... doesn't love me? Then there's no place for me even like this, is there? I'm done for..." ‘I’m not good enough. I need to be better. A little sister, that’s what everyone wants.’
When Mihari was finally finished, she splashed some cold water onto her face and looked into the mirror, consulting herself. "What's happened to Nii-chan? Is this a side effect of the medicine? Or did I... take everything too far?" Mihari felt herself getting sick again. "For now, I have to calm him down. I'll consult Senpai first thing tomorrow, and I'll put the medicine away for good."
Mihari walked back to the living room, not sure of what to say, but she knew she needed to say something. When she got there however, there was no sign of Mahiro. "Onii-chan? Onii-chan, where are you?!" She heard the sound of something crashing onto the floor behind her, and she raced through the house, following the sound to her room. "Onii-chan!" Mihari's blood ran cold.
Mahiro was on his knees, still smiling as empty vials lay strewn about around him. About fifteen of them, a sixteenth in his hand. He gave a drunken laugh and met Mihari's gaze, though whether he could even see her through those glazed eyes was a mystery. Colourful liquid dribbled from his mouth, and his speech was slurred as he said, "See?"
"Onii-chan, no!" Mihari sprang forward and snatched the next vial from Mahiro's hand before he could drink it. His eyelids fluttered and he hung his head, and Mihari caught him before he could fall. "Hold on, I’ll call Senpai! No, an ambulance first!" She took out her phone, rapidly dialling.
"Mihari," Mahiro said, his voice faint. "This way, I can be your little sister..." His eyes felt heavy, so he closed them. "Forever..."