Chapter Text
From the very beginning, Tan had planned every single detail once he moved to his new apartment.
There’s nothing he wanted more than to have his own collection of figurines from comics he has been reading since childhood, walls full of posters and, summarising, make his new home a portrayal of his personality. Of course, all achieved with his own money. In this economy, Tan knew that he couldn’t aspire to a bungalow just like the dramas his mother always watches before going to bed, so a modest apartment is the deal. It isn’t that bad, is it?
Well, it is. At first, the only flaw he could pinpoint was the distance between his workplace and back, but things went downhill on the third day of living there. Don’t get him wrong, he is quite satisfied with how his apartment is looking, although he isn’t halfway done with the sealed boxes stuffed with his belongings. There’s just this teeny tiny problem that, if not treated properly, will cause him great headaches in the future. One might guess it’s something related to roof leaks or, maybe, clogged pipes, but it’s very far from being an object. Objects aren’t pretentious, bad-mouthed or even have the ability to speak.
“Move your boxes somewhere else, will you? I can’t enter my home.”
There it is, his walking problem, his opposite neighbour who is always pissed with anyone’s presence. Khaofang was his name, yet he didn’t know it because he presented himself in front of Tan’s apartment with a gift of welcoming, that would be too kind from him. Tan overheard it, that’s how things were with him. However, Tan is determined that, no matter what his comments are, he won’t be passive with him. If Khaofang goes low, he will go lower.
“I am trying to enter my home, too, if you haven’t seen it,” Tan puts his hands on his waist once he locates a big box in the hall of his apartment.
“Your problems,” Khaofang picks a box from the pile and comes near Tan with an intimidating posture. “Are none of my business,” he drops it almost to his feet and Tan thanks God the box had ‘clothes’ written on it, so he wouldn’t grieve any valuable loss.
“Dickhead,” Tan muttered under his breath with gritted teeth. It’s not that difficult to be kind with people, so why was his neighbour making a fuss over something so irrelevant? Before he could continue with what he was doing, Khaofang needed to have the last word, of course.
“I heard you,” the gaze was murderous, followed afterwards with a loud bang from his own door which startled Tan.
He tries his best to not let these kinds of situations affect him, he’s quite an emotional sponge, but how is he supposed to pretend Khaofang’s attitude hasn’t ruined his mood? He just met him days ago! With a loud sigh, he decides that it’s best to make some space inside his new home, as hard as it is, so someone named Khaofang won’t file a lawsuit against him for piling boxes near his door. Is that even possible?
However, things aren’t that bad. Tan is a simple man, with simple thoughts. What can help him boost his mood? Obviously, the man who’s been winning his heart over and over, the man who is one confession away to be not only his lover, but his fated person.
In a world which works solely for entwined souls, Tan is aware there might be low chances of him and Beer being actual soulmates, yet he feels it in his fingertips everytime they both look at each other’s eyes. Has he seen the soulmark that connects them both to confirm this?
To his dismay, no.
That doesn’t mean it throws away all the little hints he’s been collecting in each interaction, as insane as it sounds. In no way is he letting Beer escape. At least, not until Tan encouraged himself to tell him his feelings. Deciding to leave the topic for another moment, he kept coming back and forth for his boxes until he spotted an old woman coming near him with a mold. If he remembers correctly, she’s the neighbour from the fourth floor.
“Aow, auntie! Do you need any help?” He cleans his hands by rubbing them against each other, creating a faint fog of dust.
“No, no,” she smiles. “I brought you an apple pie, you’re our youngest neighbour in the building!” She extends her arms and Tan doesn’t really know how to react. It's quite a surprising gift, so he simply does a polite ‘wai’ and lets her know that he can hold the mold instead.
“Thank you, auntie!” but he sees her looking at his neighbour’s door with concerned eyes. “Uhm, Khaofang went inside a few seconds ago, if you’re looking for him.”
She shakes her head. “Be gentle with him, youngster,” that is surely a weird thing to say considering he’s the mean one always, from Tan’s point of view.
“As if he’s giving me reasons to be,” the change in Tan's voice doesn’t go unnoticed. Khaofang should be the first one to be gentle with him if he wants to be treated with the same respect.
“He can look cold and rude, but on the inside, he’s a sincere boy. He is just unlucky, he goes person after person because he thinks they are his soulmate, but he’s hurting his heart! Don’t you think so?” Tan furrows his eyebrows at the explanation. What does he do now with that information? Yes, it’s a pity he is still struggling to find his soulmate, but Tan is already on cloud nine with Beer. As Khaofang had just said some moments ago, his problems are none of Tan’s business.
“He should seek help if that hurts him,” Tan only answers, earning a look that clearly screams he’s being bad-behaved. Before any of them could speak, the woman’s old telephone rings, indicating she should go back home. Both bow at each other and, once again, Tan finds himself with more stuff to arrange. With no other option, he decides to call it a day and close the door with his leg. That apple pie shouldn’t be left to waste.
Few days later…
“When I end my shift, I’ll go and see Beer. I can’t wait to see you jealous,” Tan sits in his car with one hand holding his phone and the other closing the door.
“Oh, you’re so annoying about him,” Q says with indifference through the other side of the call. Tan only rolls his eyes. “For someone who hasn’t dated anyone, you’re very brave.”
Tan scoffs. “Are you mocking my love situation? I’ll block you, I’m serious.”
“I care for you, buddy! You should date someone you actually know they’re your soulmate, not an unconfirmed crush. It will hurt you,” though he can’t really notice it, Tan’s mood gets down with his words. He understands his intentions, but why is everyone doubting them? Isn’t he too deserving of loving? He truly believes Beer has a liking towards him too, because they’re soulmates, a fact that will be revealed tonight. End of.
“I know what I’m doing, Q, no reminders needed. I have to drive, I’ll text you later,” Tan almost hung up the call when he heard Q still talking.
“Okay, man, but if he dumps you, don’t come crying because you’ve been warned.”
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, they say. Q can now be considered an enemy under these circumstances.
In the end, Tan had troubles concentrating on the road, which made him get later to work and earn a few scolds from his superiors. It’s not his fault, anyway, they need to understand that Tan is going through a love dilemma! Nothing is more important than the confession he’s been planning since he developed feelings towards Beer, around two and half years ago. All he needs is to get his things done and rush to the local fast food where he usually goes dining with his friends. He bets Beer is just as excited as him, so everytime Tan is given a task, he resolves it in no time without caring if it’s well-done or not. At least it’s done.
When the night comes, Tan is the first one to get out, ignoring the many callouts from his coworkers. He texts Q saying that he’s never been this confident about his feelings and, then, Beer just to let him know he’s on the way. If that tarot video he saw on social media was right, then, they would start dating when he least expects it and who is Tan to miss such an opportunity? It seems luck is on his side, for the road is clearer compared to other days, as if the world was really awaiting their meeting. A few turns and Tan parks near the place, taking his time to do it well so as to not get a fine.
When he spots Beer from afar, his face begins to blush. There are times he can’t seem to understand how a single person can disbalance his thoughts and feelings in a blink of an eye. All control belongs to Beer and he can’t do anything but comply with him.
“Hey, Beer,” he comes to him, almost hopping like a cartoon character. “Long time no see.”
“Yeah, I could say the same,” just by hearing his voice, he feels his heart racing at unhealthy speeds. Did he miss Tan in the same way he missed Beer? That thought was too good to be true. “I already ordered for the two of us.”
He sees a few plates on their table, understanding right away that food was now served. As always, a gentleman. Tan’s heart doesn’t ease its pace. When he sits down, he can’t help but to analyse Beer’s features, from head to toe until he’s satisfied for the moment, as if he hasn't been doing it over and over all this time.
“Thank you, less time spent ordering then! How was work?” It didn’t matter if Tan were talking to strangers or people he liked, he would start any kind of conversation to make things looser.
“Man, it’s ass. I almost got into trouble today because of a customer, I can’t believe crazy people like these exist. It makes me want to quit,” Beer shakes his head and Tan smiles, like he does everytime Beer opens his mouth, even if what he’s saying is not appropriate for laughs and smiles. He can’t avoid it, his mere presence delights Tan.
“Knowing you, I’m sure you handled it professionally,” Tan takes a spoonful of his plate, which Beer imitates. The hum the other lets out is a confirmation.
“What about you? You barely called me these days, am I not your friend anymore?” Tan almost choked when he heard those words. Did he dare to say ‘not’ and ‘friend’ in the same sentence? That’s a needle straight to his heart.
“I was busy, independence is no joke,” Tan replies as he slaps his chest continuously to let the food go down. “You could have called me too, phone works both ways.”
Beer laughs and Tan is whipped. “My bad, I just didn’t want to disturb you.”
Just like that, they both engaged into the usual conversations they shared. From time to time, Tan had developed a liking to Beer's voice telling him anything, without brushing off the topics to let him know he’s being listened to. Tan had started to favour the presence of men more than women, which could explain why it wasn’t that hard to develop deeper sentiments for Beer. As the night went by, they noticed the customers were slowly going back to their respective places, only Beer and Tan were left there, laughing and remembering moments they shared back then, when they just met. One of Tan’s luckiest days, admittedly.
Once the cool air of night becomes present is when Tan notices a shift between them, which encourages to tell him what he’s been keeping inside of him. It’s not a reason for shame, Beer is perfect. Who else if not him could be considered his soulmate? How can Tan explain the connection he feels towards Beer if not fateful?
“Beer,” Tan calls him out, as Beer takes a sip from his cup.
“Tell me,” he places one hand under his chin and the other is resting above the table, fingers lightly tapping the surface.
It’s now or never.
“I know we’ve been friends for a long time and you’re this… cool and amazing person. It’s easy to make people be drawn to you, like bees towards pollen,” Tan starts to ramble his thoughts. Saying it out loud is much more difficult than he expected and he’s mentally cursing at himself for sounding so awkward, when he practiced his speech day and night nonstop.
“Thank you,” at least, Beer is laughing and not calling him an idiot straight to his face. “Why are you telling me this all of a sudden?”
“The thing is,” Tan reaches out for Beer’s hand and the other is startled at his action, yet he doesn’t move. “I can’t see you just as a friend, if you know what I mean. After knowing you, I’ve been thinking about you in a deeper way and I can’t get you off my mind even if I try to. I remember every single moment we have together and, ever since, I believe you're my soulmate. I like you, Beer, I really like you.”
Tan starts feeling a knot on his throat the moment he observes how Beer’s face started to change from calmed to disbelieved. This is going to turn out bad, isn’t it? Did he do wrong to tell him everything he’s been wanting to get off his chest?
“Tan,” Beer puts his other hand above Tan’s, as a way to comfort him from what he’ll say afterwards. All he needs is not to burst out crying in front of him and it’ll be okay. “You know I’ve always appreciated you. I’ve always had good feelings for you because you’re one of my best friends, but they’re not the same as yours. I’m sorry, I can’t reciprocate you. I already have a soulmate.”
In that moment, Tan could swear hearing his heart breaking in little pieces, smeared in each corner of his body and impossible to collect them again. He should have predicted a rejection, he was so full of enthusiasm that the whiplash of actually listening to it will probably be unforgettable.
Tan withdraws his hand in a quick maneuver and massages it under the table with his other hand to soothe himself from the upcoming anxiety. He gulps and tries his best not to let his voice break.
“I’m happy for you,” no, he wasn’t. “That’s good to hear, really,” why couldn't it be him instead? “Let’s just forget about it. You know? I’m kind of tired and it’s also late, so I'll go back home first. Okay?”
Escaping, that’s what he’s doing right now. What else can he do, if he barely has the strength to face Beer right now after such a harsh truth? The last thing he wants is to see anyone, much less Beer, who is probably wondering about his well-being. He can’t even bring himself to start hating him when he was so gentle about it, there’s no single flaw in him and yet he can’t be Tan’s soulmate.
On the ride back home, Tan spent the entire drive biting his lips and tasting the slight blood coming from them with the amount of pressure he’s putting on them. He couldn’t cry while driving after all, the tears would cloud his vision and get him into trouble. He doesn’t even notice the speed in which he parks his car just to enter his apartment as fast as possible, this time without holding the cold tears streaming down his face and his chest hurting as if it were on fire.
If his night couldn’t get worse, he bumps into a pissed Khaofang, who was on his way to throw out the trash bag.
“Look where you walk,” Khaofang, who always wore an angry frown on his face, changes his expression once he sees Tan’s crying face. Normally, Tan would bite him back and start another quarrel as they’ve been doing since he first moved but, just for once, he lets him be. He has no energy for fights, when all he needs is a tight hug and something to make him forget all those months he spent liking someone unapproachable.
For some reason, it upsets Khaofang too, as if it were unavoidable.
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥
“Take it as a sign that there’s someone better waiting for you,” Q says with an arm slumped around Tan’s shoulders.
Tan is tired of hearing the same comment over and over. He knows if Beer isn’t the one, his actual soulmate is roaming around but God knows if they’re from Thailand or any other country, lost in between the continents. Moreover, Tan is tired of being the pursuer, the one who chases a shadow of minimal love and not the other way around. Soulmates shouldn’t be one-sided. If the bond is so special as they say, shouldn’t it work as a gravitational pull? Why is he the one always gravitating?
From now on, things won’t be easy for anyone who dares to come closer to him.
“Whatever,” Tan simply says, his mood has been ruined once again. “I don’t care.”
“You sure do, your eyes deceive you,” Q pokes Tan’s cheek with his index finger.
“Can we change topics? I don’t want to cry anymore,” Tan huffs. Even if he tried his best to endure Beer’s rejection, it still stings him because how does one forget such a sweet death? Tan stopped replying to his messages, but he doesn’t have the heart to delete his chat. They were still friends, at least Beer considered him one.
At the request, Q’s eyes begin to scan the whole apartment. As friends, he was more accustomed with the house Tan grew up in with his parents, since it holds more memories. He thinks he’ll need a little bit more time to get used to the new environment that surrounds his friend. It sure looks like it’s impregnating itself with Tan’s essence, with little figurines and old books sprawled everywhere. It doesn’t matter if his friend lives alone or not, one thing about him is that he’ll always be a messy guy. He still loves him, though.
“You talked about an annoying neighbour, who is it?” At the mention, Tan thinks he’ll have to switch friends because why is Q talking about sore points? It hasn’t been even a week!
“Anything except Khaofang, please. He gets to my nerves,” Tan massages the bridge of his nose and Q is quite amused with the expression.
“I thought you stopped fighting with people long ago, Tan,” Q frowns his brows. To say that Tan used to be a troublemaker was an understatement, especially when they were going through puberty and Tan had a liking to not listen to what people say just to get driven by his own impulses. Not that things have changed drastically with the passing of years, but at least he’s matured and now considers things twice before taking important decisions.
“I’m not fighting anyone, it’s him. He truly despises me and I didn’t even know him until I moved in here,” the exaggerated sound Tan lets out made his friend shake his head. Tan can be many things, but he’s likable enough with his outgoing nature. If he didn’t have more positive points than flaws, Q would have left him long ago. However, Q seems to have discovered something.
“Wait, you said Khaofang?” Tan nods his head affirming. “Oho, I think I know who your neighbour is.”
Tan rolls his eyes. “A menace, I know that.”
Q purposefully ignores his comment. “Be honest, how many Khaofangs do you actually know?”
“Zero, I guess,” Tan scratches his head with such a question. “Why does it even matter? He probably has anger issues and I’m the perfect victim, it’s not my fault.”
“But it is your fault, though,” at the affirmation, Tan takes Q’s arm off him and he’s at the verge to tell him to go out of his apartment.
“Now what the hell is wrong with you?” what could have possibly happened between them, if they ever met of course?
“Tan, Khaofang is Phum’s elder brother,” Q tells him with a serious expression.
“Who is Phum?” Tan blinks once, twice, thrice and his friend looks at him in disbelief.
“Dude, the Khao brothers. Don’t you remember them? They are three, just like the Musketeers: there’s Khaooat who’s the oldest; Khaofang, your beloved neighbour and Khaopan, but he likes to be called Phum better as far as I remember,” as he numbers the brothers with his fingers, Tan tries to put a face on them, but he can’t really imagine them.
Until the memory of a tall, slender and grumpy teenager comes to his mind.
“Don’t tell me Khaofang is Fang the cheerleader,” Tan falls back to his couch once Q nods with his newly-met discovery. Well, the bitterness is kind of justified now, but Tan is amused with the way Khaofang still holds grudges over something that happened years ago to the point he still faces Tan with coldness. He has completely forgotten about it!
“I’m surprised that you two are neighbours now, truly a match made in Heaven,” Q snickers, finding a new fact to tease him about, but before Tan could smack him in the head — someone rings. How fortunate.
As he stands up from the couch, Tan warns him with his finger to not do anything that might cause trouble and Q throws his hands in the air to show defeat. When he twists the knob, the sight in front of him makes Q laugh in the back while Tan suppresses the need to close the door. It was the most realistic form of speaking of the Devil.
“Do you have a minute?” It was no other than Khaofang, this time with a relaxed semblance.
“It must be really big if you had the need to ring at my door,” once outside with the door half-opened, Tan crossed his arms at the unwelcoming presence of his opposite neighbour. There, he notices Khaofang was handling a plastic bag, though he can’t recognise what he carries there. Unexpectedly, that same plastic bag is being shoved to his face which makes Tan hold it instead.
“Freshly brought from Chiang Mai. Wailing like a wounded animal will leave you dehydrated, so I’m giving you some fruit. Fine?” Kind actions don’t match well with mean words. Tan doesn’t know what to do better, to yell at him for treating him so badly until now or to thank him for the endearing gesture.
In the end, none of the options were taken into account because Tan just smiled in complete disbelief and giddiness at once, ignoring Khaofang’s concerned expression. What’s so funny about a bag of fruits? He did it because, one, there were too many fruits and it would be a pity if they were left to waste and, two, he wanted to get rid of the other’s apathetic state. No misinterpretations allowed, yet.
In reality, Tan himself is clueless about why he’s smiling. The chances of his mood being lifted by someone who has loathed him since youth were low, but never zero and that’s what is happening right now. The awkwardness, the lack of comfort between them, the unusual conversation, how can Tan not smile when all of this feels surreal? For a minute, he allows himself to forget about his terrible relationship with Khaofang that goes way back from their teen ages.
“Fruit. An entire bag of fruit, am I supposed to eat all of this alone?” He raises the occupied arm and Khaofang shrugs his shoulders.
“I don’t know, someone as messy as you must have a soulmate already,” Tan puts on a dirty face with Khaofang’s ironic voice. He’s just had his heart broken, how dare he talk about soulmates! With that, Khaofang has lost his only chance to put aside their differences and start anew as cordial neighbours.
In a span of seconds, the atmosphere between them changed to their usual cold one. Khaofang knows he messed up when the other didn’t maintain his smile for longer and that made him a little nervous, though it never happened before with Tan. As a consequence of his own actions, Tan pushes the bag again to Khaofang's chest. Tan might need a sign above his own head that highlights ‘sensitive topic: soulmates.’
“Okay, minute reached. Get lost with your tangerines,” the harsh contact from Tan’s fist towards his chest makes Khaofang wince slightly.
“Haven’t you learnt that gifts can’t be returned, you brat?” Khaofang raises an eyebrow, teasing with his words, and it seems to work because Tan doesn’t answer immediately.
“I didn’t say anything at all!” He answers with gritted teeth whilst taking back the now considered gift. Tan steps back, entering again his apartment and holding the door with his spare hand. “Thank you,” he whispers almost with difficulty and closes the door fast enough to not let Khaofang see his mouth twitching upwards for the second time.
In the warmth of his apartment, Q looks at him mischievously and he knows that Tan will be interrogated for the next two hours. Well, at least he could enjoy gossiping whilst eating healthy food with his friend.
Right?