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Feathertail feels like she’s being haunted by a ghost.
Sasha seemed like a nice cat, and her kits were cute but there was a familiarly about them. A familiarly that still walked the she-cat’s nightmares.
It was the small things she noticed. For one, both kits had stripes while Sasha had none. For two, while Hawkkit was almost an exact copy of his mother, Mothkit wasn’t. She was a big, fluffy tabby and had the most beautiful amber eyes that did not come from her mother.
She of course couldn’t be sure. Tigerstar wasn’t the only tabby to ever exist in or near the Clans but…
“Hey!”
Feathertail was startled by the call. Speak of the shadow, she thought as she looked over to reveal Sasha’s kits. Hawkkit had been the one that called. “Can you pass us that?”
Feathertail looked at her feet. Sitting between her toes was a piece of moss. She swatted it back to the excited kits.
The she-cat continued to watch them.
…but the timing adds up. They’ll be apprentices soon. She doesn’t know exactly when Tigerstar was thrown into exile, but she bet if she asked her father or Brambleflower, they’d say it was close to the time the kits were conceived.
She hopes she’s wrong. For their sake.
***
Feathertail’s relationship with StarClan is strained at best. Between her mother’s death, father’s banishment, and her clanmates’ betrayal and murder of Stonefur due to their half-clan blood, the silver tabby couldn’t help but feel as if her ancestors had a vendetta against her.
At this point she shouldn’t be surprised that they found a new way to affect her life. It was Hawkkit and Mothkit’s apprentice ceremony day. And Leopardstar had just named her Hawkkit’s mentor.
Feathertail didn’t know what to feel as she moved her way over to the kit. She would of course train him properly but WHY would Leopardstar do this?! She’s heard the whispers around the camp. Mothkit looks like a golden fluffier Tigerstar! There’s no way Leopardstar hasn’t suspected something!
“Feathertail, you are ready to take on an apprentice,” Leopardstar starts to recite. “You have received excellent training from Mistyfoot, and you have shown yourself to be courageous and compassionate.”
Those things didn’t matter to you when you allowed Tigerstar to imprison me. Nor when he threatened to kill me, she thought bitterly. “You will be the mentor of Hawkpaw,” the leader continued, “and I expect you to pass on all you know to him.”
Feathertail looked down at her new apprentice. The little tom looked about as nervous as she felt. The she-cat’s features softened as she brushed noses with him. Even if he was Tigerstar’s son, she would treat him fairly. Tigerstar’s sins were not his, just like her parents’ weren’t hers.
***
Hawkpaw was trying not to panic. Feathertail was nice to him. She didn’t whisper like their other clanmates. Didn’t make him feel like he didn’t belong. Was nice to Sasha and Mothpaw too. But he feared that was going to change today.
Hawkpaw didn’t like water. Not since…Not since…
“Hawkpaw?” Feathertail’s voice briefly snapped him out of it. Not for long though, he thought miserably. Looking around, Hawkpaw realized they arrived at the river that divided ThunderClan and RiverClan. She was already standing in the shallows. She was planning on teaching him how to swim. “Are you alright?”
“I’m ok. Let’s just get this over with.”
Feathertail watched as Hawkpaw waddled into the river after her. She had known her apprentice to be quiet, but something about him was off today. Right now, he looked like he wanted to be anywhere else but here. But he had to learn. It was a staple part of RiverClan.
“So we’re just going to be staying in the shallows. You can put your feet down at any time and I’ll be right here next to you the entire time. Ok?”
Hawkpaw hesitantly nodded his head, never keeping his eyes off the water.
It started ok. True to her word, Feathertail stayed by him the entire time. He even managed to keep his feet off the bedrock. Unfortunately, their luck ran away due to a misstep. Hawkpaw put his foot on loose gravel and slipped. He hadn’t fully went underwater, but he wasn’t expecting it and was now panicking.
Feathertail grabbed the apprentice by the scruff and started pulling him towards the shore. He wasn’t making it easy. It was like he was somewhere else. What had happened to him that would get this sort of reaction out of him?
He was still breathing heavily as they made it back on dry ground. His eyes were hazy. Watching him hurt. It reminded her of shortly after Stonefur’s death. Where everyone was an enemy, and it felt like eyes were always on her. If it wasn’t for Mistyfoot, Stormfur, and her kin and friends in ThunderClan, she would still be that jittery mess of a cat.
Feathertail laid down next to her apprentice, resting her tail on his back as she purred in his ear, hoping it would soothe her. After a while, Hawkpaw’s breathing evened out and his eyes became clearer as he looked at his mentor.
“I’m sorry,” he whined. The silver tabby licked between his ears. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“It’s just water.”
“Obviously not to you.” Feathertail looked across the river into ThunderClan territory. “I won’t force you to tell me. StarClan knows I have things in my past that still haunt me.”
“Like Tigerstar?”
Feathertail’s head whipped back around to look at the tom as he shrunk in on himself. “Sorry. You make this weird face every time he’s brought up.” Looking back at his mentor, he asked, “Who was he to you?”
Feathertail debates telling him. It isn’t his business. But, if he is Tigerstar’s son, she doesn’t want him to go down the same path as the tyrant. And she wants him to be able to feel like he can come to her with anything.
“Tigerstar was…” she pauses. She takes in a deep breath before she continues. “Tigerstar was my tormentor. He wanted to rule all the clans. And apparently half-clan cats like myself and my brother and Mistyfoot weren’t apart of his vision.”
Hawkpaw continued to look at her. “He held us captive and underfed for days on end. He would eventually plan to have us put to death. Mistyfoot used to have a brother.”
“What happened to him?” her apprentice whispered.
“He died in a fight against two warriors to protect us.” Feathertail had to close her eyes to stop the tears. Stonefur could have had a place amongst Tigerstar’s most inner circle. He could have had the world at his feet. Instead, he chose to save her and her brother. He thought their lives were more worthy of rescue than him.
“I’m sorry.” Feathertail looked back at her apprentice. She nuzzled his head. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she repeated. “You weren’t even born than.”
Hawkpaw closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he too was trying to fight tears. “I used to have a brother too.”
Feathertail pulled him close. He didn’t need to tell her. She could put the pieces together. When Hawkpaw finally stops crying, Feathertail promises him she won’t bring him in the water again. Not unless he’s ready. She’ll teach him to fish, hunt, and fight. But she won’t teach him to swim. She wouldn’t be his tormentor.
Not when he’s already his biggest one.
***
Sasha told him not to tell. That he’d be endangered if anyone knew who his father was. He thought he’d be able to keep that promise easy.
But that was before Feathertail.
Feathertail was more than nice. She was so kind and patient. She genuinely cared about him and went out of her way to make his life easier. Hawkpaw was grateful for her time and care and honestly that just made him feel worse.
She deserved to know who Tigerstar was in relation to him. Especially since…
“What’s on your mind?”
Hawkpaw startled. They were currently near the wade pools to practice his fishing skills. Water still made him nervous, but Feathertail kept her word they wouldn’t go in until (if) Hawkpaw was ready.
“I…” he started. Would she keep being kind to him if she knew? Did she already know? He’s heard the whispers. He knows other cats already suspect who his father is. “I need to tell you something.” He looks at his feet. “But I’m scared of how you’ll react.”
Feathertail licks between his ears. “You don’t need to tell me. You know I’d never make you tell me anything.” She pauses. “Well, unless it puts you or someone else in danger.”
Internally, Hawkpaw winces. Does his nightly visits with Tigerstar count as putting himself in danger? He hopes not.
“You deserve to know though.”
Feathertail shrugs. “Maybe I do and maybe I don’t. But this is your secret. I don’t get to decide whether you get to share it.”
Hawkpaw looks down in the pool again. That makes sense. But it still doesn’t feel right not to tell her.
“Would it make you feel better-?” Hawkpaw’s ears twitch at his mentor’s voice. “-if I shared a secret with you?”
“You don’t have to,” he mumbled.
“I don’t. But it might make you feel better if you aren’t the only one to share something.”
He looked at the silver tabby out of the corner of his eye. He shrugged as he said, “If you want to.”
Feathertail looked around to make you no one else was around. The she-cat moved closer to her apprentice as she spoke in a whispery voice. “I hate Leopardstar.”
The tabby watched as her apprentice’s eyes widened. “I know. It’s an awful thing to think about your leader.” The small smile she had dropped from her face as she continued. “But I can never forgive her for allowing Tigerstar to almost destroy our clan.”
Hawkpaw leaned into his mentor’s fur. The more he learned about Feathertail’s past, the more his heart ached. He wished there was something he could do to make her feel better.
What he was about to admit probably wouldn’t. Taking a deep breath, he says as quietly as possible, “Tigerstar is my sire.”
Feathertail hummed before licking him again. “Thank you for telling me.”
He looked up at her. “Did you already know?” She nodded. “And…?”
“And what?”
“And does that change anything about us?”
“Oh Hawkpaw.” She nuzzled his head again. “Never. What Tigerstar’s done wasn’t your fault. I hate him, but how I feel about him will never change how I feel about you.”
Hawkpaw continued to press his face into her fur. In that moment he made a decision. No more Tigerstar. Too many cats had betrayed his mentor’s trust. He wouldn’t continue to be one of them.
***
Feathertail made her way over to the newly made warriors. Something was wrong. Hawkfrost and Mothwing should be ecstatic. Right now, they both looked miserable.
“What’s wrong?”
Hawkfrost opened and closed his mouth several times before ultimately deciding to push himself into her former mentor’s fur. Mothwing was the one who replied. “Sasha left.”
Feathertail blinked in shock. “When?”
“During our vigil.”
“What’s going on?” Feathertail’s expression went neutral as she turned towards Leopardstar. The siblings shared a nervous look with each other. Would Leopardstar punish them for Sasha’s leaving? Would she think they’d leave too?
“Sasha left last night during Hawkfrost and Mothwing’s vigil,” Feathertail answered for them. The silver she-cat had positioned herself between her leader and the new warriors. She didn’t think Leopardstar would do anything, it wasn’t Hawkfrost or Mothwing’s fault Sasha left. But Feathertail would be lying if she said she trusts the golden tabby with them right now.
“I see,” the leader mumbled. “I’m sorry to hear it. You two go get some food and some rest. You two can take the rest of the day off.”
The older she-cats watched as the siblings make their way over to the fresh kill pile and then the warrior’s den. They remain silent until the young warriors were out of sight.
“Feathertail-.”
“I don’t know why she left. I can only tell you what they’ve told me.”
Leopardstar hummed. “And would you tell me if you did know something?”
Feathertail glared her leader. Leopardstar hummed again. “I’ll take that as a no.”
“You can take it however you like.”
Leopardstar sighed. “Feathertail-.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” the silver tabby interrupted. “Whatever you have to say it, keep it to yourself. You lost your right to be friendly with me the day you let Tigerstar imprison me. When you let him treat me like a lesser being. When you let him-.” She chokes on her words. Taking a deep breath, she continues. “When you let him have Stonefur killed.”
With that, the silver molly spun around and made her way over to the warrior’s den. As she entered, she spotted the siblings off in the far corner. Feathertail made her way over to them, pressing herself up into her former apprentice’s fur, a purr rumbling up her throat and into his soul. It would have to be enough.
***
“What are you doing?”
Hawkfrost nearly jumped out of his fur at the question. Spinning around towards the entrance of the medicine den revealed Feathertail. What a great question. What was Hawkfrost doing?
“I have a question for Mudfur.”
Feathertail’s eyebrow rose. “And you needed a-What? Is that a butterfly?”
“A moth,” the Siamese-tabby corrected, looking at his feet.
Feathertail paused in her inspection of the dead insect. She glared at her former apprentice who was now shuffling his paws, as he always did when he was nervous. “A moth?” Hawkfrost hesitantly nodded. Looking back over at the bug revealed what she already noticed. “It’s just the wings.”
Hawkfrost nodded again. Feathertail groaned. “Hawkfrost-.”
“Can you please lecture me anywhere but here?” the tom interrupted. “I don’t need Mudfur finding me with this.”
Feathertail’s glare didn’t really lessen, but she turned around and headed out of the den with the other warrior close behind her. The two warriors didn’t stop walking until they were far away from the camp.
When she decided they were far enough away, Feathertail turned towards her apprentice again. “Explain.”
Hawkfrost started shuffling again. “Mothwing wants to be a medicine cat.”
Feathertail’s brow rose again. “And you decided to fake a sign why?”
“Because StarClan will never pick her.”
Feathertail’s glare returned. “And why do you think that?”
“Because she doesn’t believe in them.”
“She doesn’t believe in who?”
“StarClan.”
Feathertail blinked in, well, not quite shock she supposed. “That…admittedly explains some things.”
Hawkfrost looked at his former mentor in confusion. “Stormfur may have mentioned a couple of odd conversations with Mothwing.”
It was Hawkfrost’s turn to groan. “I told her to keep her mouth shut.” He sighed as he looked at the older warrior again. “Are you going to tell anyone?”
“About your sister’s lack of belief? Or you faking a sign for her?”
“Both, I suppose.”
Feathertail bit the inside of her mouth. “No. No I don’t think I will.” Feathertail bumped into the tom. “I decided long ago I was going to protect you no matter what. If keeping two more of your secrets does that, so be it.”
Hawkfrost bumped back into the molly.
A couple of days later, Leopardstar announced to the clan that Mudfur would be taking Mothwing on as his apprentice. From across the camp, Hawkfrost shared a knowing look with Feathertail.
***
“I’m coming too.”
Feathertail blinked in surprise as her former apprentice snuck out from the underbrush. Feathertail, along with Brambleflower of ThunderClan, Tawnypelt of ShadowClan, and Crowpaw of WindClan, had all received visions from StarClan, telling them they had to hear what midnight had to say at what they called the Sundownplace.
Feathertail had of course told Stormfur about the dreams. He was her brother, she told him everything. She hadn’t known though that her former apprentice knew somehow.
“Oh, great, there’s another one,” Crowpaw muttered. Besides Stormfur and now Hawkfrost, Squirrelpaw, Firestar’s daughter and Brambleflower’s younger sister, had all but decided she was coming too, going as far as to threaten telling the ThunderClan leader.
“What do you mean you’re coming?” Feathertail questioned.
Hawkfrost shrugged. “Exactly what I said. I’m coming too.”
“We’re already kind of crowded, Hawkfrost,” Stormfur grumbled. Feathertail rolled her eyes. Feathertail and Hawkfrost were close. Made sense given the secrets the two cats shared and Feathertail becoming a pseudo guardian to the tom. Unfortunately for them, Stormfur (and several others) thought there was something more between the two. Bleh. He was her apprentice. It would be highly inappropriate if she tried anything with him.
“I wasn’t asking you, Stormfur,” Hawkfrost snapped back. “It’s up to Feathertail.”
Feathertail looked back and forth between the two toms, then at the others. “I’m not opposed. But why exactly do you want to go?”
“You’re home.”
Feathertail, and really every other cat in the clearing, blinked in confusion. “What…Exactly does that mean?”
Hawkfrost shuffled in place. “Do I have to discuss this front of everyone else?” he whispered to the silver tabby.
“It might help them understand why your so gung-ho about coming.”
Hawkfrost looked around at the other cats before sighing. “I just…You know how RiverClan is. They’re judgy. They’re already suspicious of me because of…” He trailed off. Feathertail and Stormfur shared a look. Because of Tigerstar. It was never confirmed to the rest of the clan, but that never stopped the whispers. Honestly, Feathertail was just happy he didn’t blurt it out. She isn’t sure how Brambleflower and Tawnypelt would react to the news they had a pair of half siblings in a whole other clan.
“It’s mousebrain, but I feel safer with you around, Feathertail. If you’re gone…” he trailed off again.
“You’re aware they judge me too, right?” the molly pointed out when he didn’t finish. “I’m only half RiverClan. And that’s the whole problem with me.”
“And there isn’t a single cat in RiverClan that would dare try something with you,” Hawkfrost rebutted. “Not after what they allowed to happen to you.”
“What about Mothwing?” Stormfur pointed out. “Aren’t you worried someone will try to mess with her?”
“Who’s mousebrain enough to try something with a medicine cat?”
Feathertail closed her eyes in thought. When she opened her eyes again, she had a small smile on her face as she spoke. “I did promise I’d always protect you, didn’t I?”
“You did,” Hawkfrost agreed, a shy grin appearing on his own face.
Feathertail nodded as she turned towards the others. “He’s coming too.”
Feathertail and Hawkfrost watched as the others argued and complained, but neither really cared. The tom was coming with them, whether they liked it or not.
***
“You didn’t have to stay.”
It was just her and Hawkfrost now, waiting with the Tribe of Rushing River, while the others returned to clans to try and convince them to leave the forest.
Feathertail should be there! She was one StarClan chose! But she had severely injured herself in the fight against Sharptooth. It was honestly a miracle she’s even survived.
(“Don’t you ever do something that mousebrained ever again!” Stormfur yelled when she finally was conscious. “I can’t afford to lose you too!”)
(“We can’t wait any longer,” Tawnypelt bluntly pointed out. None of them wanted to leave Feathertail, but if they waited any longer it might be too late for the clans.
“I won’t leave my sister, Tawnypelt,” Stormfur growled. He’d been a wreck since Brambleflower’s death. Hawkfrost thought the tom was being a little insensitive. Yes, Stormfur had a crush on the deceased tom, but he was Squirrelpaw and Tawnypelt’s brother. He still had his sibling and they didn’t.
“I…,” Crowpaw nervously started, Squirrelpaw leaning sullenly against him. The two apprentices had come along way since the start of their Journey. Hawkfrost couldn’t be prouder. “I don’t like this. And I don’t say this easily. But maybe one of us should stay.”
“I’ll do it!” Stormfur immediately volunteered, though everyone took note of the nervous tone in his voice. Asking him to stay here after everything the Tribe did would be cruel.
“I’ll stay.” Everyone turned to Hawkfrost. He pointed at Tawnypelt, Crowpaw, and Squirrelpaw with his tail. “You three need to go back. We can’t guarantee the other leaders will come if you’re not there.” He turns to Stormfur. “And you’ve become too hostile and too scared of the Tribe cats to stay. I promise,” Hawkfrost interrupted as the gray warrior went to argue, “that I will keep her safe under my care.”
Stormfur stared in silence for what felt like moons. Until finally he relented. “Alright.” He bumped. “Please just don’t let her die.”)
“Yes, I did.” Hawkfrost doesn’t know what kind of cat he’d without Feathertail. But he knows he owe’s the life he has now to her.
***
“Feathertail?” The silver tabby peeked her eye open at the tom. “Are you mad at me?”
Was she? Honestly, she wasn’t sure. The night had been strange. Feathertail, as well as the remaining living Journey cats minus Hawkfrost, had been summoned by Brambleflower on the border of StarClan and the Dark Forest. Tigerstar had been training Hawkfrost back when he was an apprentice and was evidently furious that tom rejected him. Why he had waited so long to drag the tom back to him was beyond her, but at the time Feathertail hadn’t cared. What she cared about getting Hawkfrost back from her worst nightmare.
Currently the two RiverClan warriors were curled up together, back safe and sound in their new home by the lake, their sleeping clanmates none the wiser to the night’s events.
Feathertail sighed. “I don’t know, Hawkfrost.” She watched as his face drooped at her answer. Curiosity got the best of her as she watched him. “Why’d you do it?”
It was Hawkfrost’s turn to sigh. “I didn’t know anything about him back then. Just that he was my father, and he promised to make me the best warrior in all the clans. I hadn’t known just how dangerous he was at the time.”
The tom rested his head on top of the silver tabby’s as she asked, “What changed your mind about him?”
“Not what. Who. And I think you already know the answer to that.”
The molly purred into her former apprentice’s fur as the two warriors drifted off back to sleep, where neither of them were disturbed by the dark tabby.
***
The newly appointed Featherstar returned back from the Moonpool with Mothwing close behind her. The entire way back, the medicine cat had tried to weasel out of her new leader who she planned on making her deputy, even making her own suggestions. As much as Featherstar appreciated the medicine cat’s input, she already knew who she wanted as her deputy.
Featherstar bounded up onto the Highstump calling to the rest of the clan. ““Let all cats old enough to catch their own fish gather around the Highstump for a clan meeting!”
The Great Battle had been taxing on all the clans and RiverClan was no exception. Along with Mistystar, they had lost Stormfur, Dapplenose, Hollowflight, Robinwing, and Troutstream. Despite the great personal loss, Featherstar considered herself and her clan lucky. ShadowClan had lost the most warriors out of all the clans.
“Before we continue,” Featherstar started to say as her eyes travelled over her clanmates as she searched for the cat she was looking for. “I would like to give thanks to the many cats who gave their lives for us during the Great Battle. I say these words before them and the rest of StarClan, so that the spirits of our warrior ancestors may hear and approve of my choice.”
Finally, the new leader found who she was searching for. A large grin broke on her face as she called, “Hawkfrost!” The Siamese-tabby startled as his name was called. Featherstar watched as her former apprentice hesitantly walked forward. “You will be the new deputy of RiverClan.”
“Are you sure?” he whispered as he reached the silver tabby. There were so many reasons for him to not be. So many more capable warriors. But none of that seemed to matter to the she-cat as she lowered her voice to speak to the tom. “There’s no other cat I trust to have my back more than you.”
A soft smile graced Hawkfrost’s face as he touched noses with his leader. “Then I happily accept,” he said as the clan called both their names.