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JJ sheds her coat as she walks into the conference room, draping it across the back of a chair. There’s no one here except for Spencer, who turns around at the sound of her footsteps.
Marker in hand, he gives her a little wave. “Hi, JJ.”
“Hi, Spence.” She lingers as he turns back to the evidence board. He’s busy reordering the pictures and maps, clearly having had an epiphany of sorts. From the looks of it, it’ll take him a minute to sort out his thoughts. “Where are the others?”
“Hotch and Rossi are talking with the latest victim’s sister,” Spencer says. His pointed finger glides across the board as he switches two of the crime scene photos. “Morgan is grabbing us all dinner.”
JJ glances at her watch and sighs. She hadn’t realised it was already this late. “What about Em?”
“In the family room.”
“Thanks.” JJ turns on her heels and steps back out into the hallway, leaving Spencer to it.
They’ve unfortunately been in this precinct long enough by now for JJ to easily find her way to the family room. With every step she takes, she shakes off some of the unease that came with chatting up her old media liaison contacts at the press. Though she’s met some kind people through her work at the BAU, these particular people are more akin to vultures who value the shock value of their work more than having a singular shred of human decency. JJ has managed to buy the team some time, but her picture perfect smile quickly turned strained and the conversations have left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth.
But at least it fades a bit, now that she’s back here. There are other tasks to be done, more investigating to be pursued, but JJ is allowed to take a second to herself. A second she is using to lay eyes on her wife and remind herself that at the end of the day, it’ll all be okay.
It hasn’t even occurred to her to have questioned why, exactly, Emily can be found in the family room, but the reason is revealed when JJ rounds the corner and is met with an open door. It hits her, then, the reminder of the latest victimology report they had built, and the fact that it included a description of two young kids who the victim’s older sister helps to take care of during the day.
JJ stops in her tracks, heart catching in her throat.
Oh.
Emily is sat on the couch, a baby safely held within her arms. She leans forward, pointing out something on the colouring sheet a girl no older than four is working on. A soft, patient look radiates from Emily’s face as she speaks lowly, one hand mindlessly rubbing soothing circles on the baby’s back. The girl giggles and shakes her head at Emily’s words, before rooting through the colouring supplies to hand Emily a blue crayon. Transferring the baby to her lap, Emily lowers herself to the floor next to the girl and obediently scratches the crayon against the colouring sheet where the girl points her to.
It’s not the first time JJ has seen Emily around kids. Unfortunately, they’ve seen plenty of cases that somehow – directly or indirectly – involve children. Then there’s Jack, of course, and the neighbourhood kids who seem especially enamoured by the ‘FBI ladies’ who live in the house up the road, as well as the odd child from their respective friend groups.
So, it’s not the first time JJ has seen Emily with kids. But it might just be the first time where she has truly been left to her own devices, and the usual self-consciousness that sticks to Emily when it comes to handling kids around others, is gone like snow before the sun. There are no nerves in sight, no worries of doing or saying the wrong thing. Instead, Emily’s calm and confident presence has a visible effect on the children in her care.
When the little girl pauses her colouring to look around the family room, as if suddenly remembering where she is, Emily redirects her right back to the task on hand, restarting the conversation to keep her mind from wandering. Minutes later, the baby starts to fuss and the girl’s brows furrow in concern. Emily simply shifts the baby to allow them to rest their head against her chest, quieting them right down.
JJ wets her lips, her mouth suddenly dry. She doesn’t know where this is all coming from, all these strong emotions that threaten to knock her over. Her chest aches as she continues to observe the scene playing out right in front of her, unbothered by the world that keeps spinning around her, around them. After this whirlwind of a day, and during this whirlwind of a case, she allows herself this moment of observing her wife.
Allows herself a moment to dream.
They’ve talked about it— having kids. It had come up around the time that their relationship had morphed into something permanent, and wishes and hopes were shared freely. JJ had known with certainty, for years, that she wanted to be a mom someday. Emily’s relationship with motherhood and pregnancy was – and still is – more complicated, but she had admitted that raising kids with the right person fit into her vision of the future. Throughout the years, it’s a conversation they’ve had a handful of times as their future grew clearer and clearer.
JJ is reminded of it all, now, as she watches Emily care for these two children with such gentleness. Reminded, of the conversations where they pictured what it might look like for them. Reminded, that there might be a future, someday, when…
JJ blinks. Because-
…Does it have to be a distant future?
JJ crosses her arms in front of her body, the back of her hand pressing against her mouth as her mind floods with possibilities.
They’ve been in a committed relationship for years. They have a house with plenty of space in a friendly neighbourhood. They have the money to bring a child into the world and raise them. They’re at relatively stable points in their careers and they can figure out how to shift responsibilities so they have the time they need to be a family.
Is now not as good a time as any?
High-pitched laughter floats out of the family room, lingering in the hallway where JJ is still rooted to her spot. An unbidden smile tugs at JJ’s lips. Emily’s voice follows as a response, low and warm, and though JJ can’t hear what she’s saying, it makes the little girl burst out into uncontrollable giggles that infect Emily with joy that plays out across her features.
God, JJ is so in love.
So in love, with this woman who can go from serious to silly just like that. This woman, who might not always be as confident in her abilities as she’d like others to believe, but who moves around naturally with these two kids she barely even knows.
They’re going to need to have a talk and revisit a certain past conversation of theirs.
“JJ?”
JJ’s head snaps to the side. Hotch stands in the doorway of an office a few doors down, looking at her curiously. She clears her throat, willing her limbs to turn and move in his direction, though it shouldn’t be this hard to push herself to move away from the scene that had caught her off guard.
She pushes the thoughts and reawakened dreams aside for now, knowing the case needs her focus. The second she gets Emily alone, though… Well, there’s no telling what will happen then.
…
Hotch calls it a few hours after they’ve eaten dinner at the precinct, and they pile into a set of SUVs to drive over to the hotel. Now that work has been put on the backburner for the night, JJ finds herself vibrating with a different kind of energy. Emily catches on to the shift immediately, throwing JJ a questioning look as they cross the parking lot.
JJ is still stuck on seeing Emily with a kid in her arms.
The second the men get out on their floor, leaving JJ and Emily alone, the emotions that had flooded JJ earlier are back with a vengeance. She bites her lip to contain the unintelligible rambling that threatens to tumble past it and pulls Emily, somewhat forcefully, out of the elevator the second it dings open.
“Jayje?”
“Come,” JJ demands, nearly breathless by the time they reach their room down the hall. It takes her shaky hand three tries to unlock the door with the keycard. Emily trails inside behind her, the door falling shut with a soft click.
“Jay-“
JJ drops her bag to the floor and spins around, pushing Emily back against the wall, eliciting an “Oof!”. Before Emily can say anything else, JJ tangles her fingers in her dark hair and kisses her, trying to wordlessly communicate the whirlwind of thoughts that rush around her brain.
The passion catches Emily off guard, if the startled noise says anything, but she melts into the contact and returns the kiss with fervour. Her hands find the back of JJ’s shirt, fisting the fabric and pulling her impossibly closer.
God, JJ could drown in this feeling and not even be mad about it.
Eventually, they do have to come up for air. JJ opens her eyes, chest heaving as she sucks air into her hungry lungs. Emily’s hair is all messed up, a rosy blush colouring her usually pale cheeks. The startled look still lingers in her warm brown eyes and JJ presses her lips together to contain the smile that threatens to split across her face.
Emily laughs, surprised and bright. “What has gotten into you?”
JJ steals another kiss before she rests her forehead against Emily’s, soaking up the closeness and love that lives in the space between them. The excitement from earlier, when the thought had first occurred to her, never diminished, but now that the words are on the tip of her tongue, it entangles itself with nerves and endless possibilities for a nearby future she’s dreamed of ever since she was a little girl.
“What?” Emily prompts again.
“Kids,” JJ says. She pulls back just enough to be able to scan Emily’s face, needing to see her reaction. “You and me. We should have a kid.”
Emily’s lips pull up and dimples appear in her cheeks. A traitorous part of JJ’s brain can’t help but picture a tiny face with those dimples and features that shift as the possibilities run wild. A mashup of both of them; a kid that doesn’t share their looks at all but is full of Emily’s mischief and JJ’s sass – whatever it looks like, JJ knows this is what she wants with Emily.
“A kid?” Emily asks quietly. That beautiful smile is still stuck on her lips.
JJ nods and finds everything she has bottled up pouring out like a waterfall. “A kid. Not in a ‘likely in the future’ type of way, but now. Or, well, soon.” She swallows heavily around the lump of emotions that forms in her throat as she allows herself to hope. It’s terrifying. “What do you think?”
A myriad of emotions cross Emily’s face– surprise, fear, joy. “What brought this on?”
The memory JJ recalls is nearly as vivid as the real thing had been. “I saw you, today,” she admits. “With the baby, and the little girl.” She cups Emily’s face, thumbs tracing across the soft, embarrassed flush that creeps up Emily’s cheeks.
“I didn’t see you,” Emily murmurs.
“I was planning to come and say hi,” JJ says. “But then I saw you, taking care of them and… It stopped me in my tracks. You were so good with them.”
“They were cute kids,” Emily says, deflecting as she casts her eyes down.
“You will be such a good Mom.”
Emily’s gaze instantly locks with JJ’s.
“I’ve always known it, but today I saw it and… Now I can’t stop picturing it.” JJ swallows. “You, me, and a kid of our own. We have stable jobs, enough space in our house and a family who will support us through all of it.”
Emily releases a shaky breath and hums lowly, and JJ has the privilege of witnessing the possibility bloom in Emily’s eyes. She can see Emily seeing it— a near future, where they’re not just wives, partners for life, but moms as well. Raising a kid who will have no shortage of love and affection, because between them, they have so much love to spare and pour into this little life that might be more than just a concept, more than just a dream not too long from now.
“We…” Emily trails off.
“Yeah?”
“We could.” Realisation colours Emily’s words, and JJ nods so fast she worries her head might fall off. “We could start a family. You and me.” Emily’s voice is soft, her red lips mouthing those words again. You and me.
“You and me,” JJ confirms. She can’t help herself and gives into the urge to kiss Emily again, tasting Emily’s hope and excitement as it mingles right in with her own. They have to break apart when they can’t stop smiling, their joy infectious and bright.
It takes a good few minutes, but eventually, a more serious air settles between them.
“We’ll sit down when we’re back home,” Emily says quietly. “To figure out the details. But… I want this.”
“Yeah?”
Emily bites her lip and nods, once. “Yeah.”
JJ tightens her arms around Emily and hides her face in Emily’s shoulder. Emily’s returning embrace is just as tight, as they bask in the wake of this big decision. JJ lightly presses a kiss to Emily’s shoulder. “I love you.”
The words are no more than a whisper, but in the quiet hotel room, they easily reach Emily’s ears anyway. “I love you, too.”