Chapter Text
It wasn’t a confession.
Just a moment. A memory. A lullaby between silences.
~ 🦢♛ ~
Hordes of people gathered in the vast room, leaving only the centre aisle clear. Everyone dressed to the nines to watch as Regina Mills was recrowned - without the ‘Evil’ tacked on. She made her way down the long aisle, the same one she had vowed to destroy Snow White and Prince Charming’s happiness. Her dress was a powder blue, silver encrusted collar and a beautifully long train.
Casting her gaze around, a hesitant smile on her lips as she searched the mass of people all here to see her but a pool of lead formed in her stomach, and if her heart had feet it had just tripped over them. She gave Henry (both of them) a brighter smile but they could still see that it didn’t quite reach her eyes. Snow White took Regina’s hands and helped her up the steps of the dais and she leant into the other woman.
“Is everybody here?”
“She’ll be here.” Snow assured her with a squeeze of her hands. “I believe there was a difficulty getting the baby to sleep.”
Regina was about to respond when the heavy, vine-carved doors opened and everyone spun around to see who was about to disturb the ceremony - a sense of deja vu washing over them.
“Sorry I’m late,” Emma smirked as she sashayed down the aisle, straight towards Regina. She wore a short, baby pink dress with her signature red leather jacket and her golden curls tumbled around her shoulders. Hook followed behind his wife, the tiny baby resting on the arm with the hook.
“Emma,” Regina breathed her name like she was the most precious thing in the world. In every world. The lead pool in her stomach dissipated and the crazed flutterings of intoxicated butterflies replaced it. She stepped down off the dais but waited at the bottom of the steps and her eyes refused to blink and lose the connection that had formed between them.
“What, you didn’t think I’d miss this, did you?”
Before Regina could answer and tell her that a part of her feared her absence, Emma had finally reached her and she held her arms open. The savior walked into the open arms and hugged Regina’s shoulders, careful not to crumple her regal gown or knock a dark curl loose from her updo.
“Now what are you waiting for?” The blonde whispered so only Regina could hear and she pulled out of the hug, her hand trailing down the silk gloves her hands were ensconced in. She returned to stand by her children and her husband. Regina flexed her fingers against the trail of warmth left there by the savior.
Regina cast her eyes to Henry again and they nodded once. Emma was here so everyone was here. Regina let out a breath she hadn’t realised she’d been holding and climbed back onto the dais.
The crown sat heavy on her head and yet it was so much lighter than the last time she had adorned it. Now there was nobody pulling the strings, orchestrating every moment of her life to put her on a throne she didn’t want. There was no King to make her feel inferior and unseen and the red stains on her hands had faded. Not forgotten, but not a reminder everyday of her bad deeds.
“Regina - the Good Queen!” Snow announced and Charming announced. The queen turned back around to face her people and found Emma’s green eyes, so filled with pride but they both had to force themselves to stifle a laugh at the new moniker bestowed on her.
~ 🦢♛ ~
Emma visited often. Over the weeks that followed, she returned to the Enchanted Forest to see her family. Hook often followed but not always. She dropped in as if she was merely a neighbour asking for a cup of milk before she could run to the shops.
Past:
The party had dwindled into the early hours of the morning and Regina had finally managed to excuse herself back to her room. She sat down at her vanity table after changing into a black silk nightie and washing her face. She painstakingly unpinned every dark curl until they tumbled around her shoulders, brushing against her skin.
Her eyes flashed in the mirror as a figure appeared in her doorway. Emma stood watching her, bouncing the tiny baby in her arms, her head tucked into her neck. She still had on her dress from the coronation but she had switched her heels into a pair of white pumps and she’d lost her jacket at some point. Regina spun around at the sight of the blonde causing Emma to snap out of her temporary daze.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I should go–”
“You don’t need to go!” Regina called out, reaching for Emma’s hand but not making contact. “Please, stay.”
She flashed Regina a grateful smile and sank into the chaise lounge, adjusting Hope as she began wailing again. When she still didn’t settle, Emma apologised to her friend and made her way back to the door but Regina stopped the woman again. “I just can’t get her to settle tonight and I don’t know if it’s because she can tell we’re not at the house or if she’s coming down with something–”
“Or maybe she can just sense that you’re a bit tense and she’s reacting to you.” Regina washed her hands and returned to the mother and baby and held her hands out in a silent question. Emma handed her daughter to the other woman who settled Hope in her arms, chuckling softly at the way her little legs scrunched up beneath her.
Cocking her head to the side, she watched Regina taking turns around her room, the brightest smile and wide eyes as she beamed at the baby. She returned to the chaise lounge and leant back against the plush cushion, her eyes never leaving Regina.
“Where’s Hook?”
“I told him I didn’t mind if he stayed at the party. He’s been looking after Hope most of the day for me so it’s only fair.”
“I’m so glad you could make it, Emma… I know it’s not been long since you had the little one so the travel and the length of today must have been draining.”
“It was worth it. I’d have never forgiven myself if I missed your big day. Are you happy being the queen again?”
“Honestly? Yes. It feels like I’m queen in my own right and I’m not getting stuck in all of the darkness and I don’t have anyone forcing me to be it this time.”
“Happiness is a good colour on you, Madam Mayor.” Emma winked at her friend and her smile bloomed when it drew a deep laugh from her. The pair settled into a warm silence, as Emma continued watching Regina cradling Hope so tenderly. The words had escaped like a breath of air before she even registered them. “Was Henry like this?”
Regina’s eyes widened and she glanced across the room to her. Emma’s eyes were down-cast, her shoulders grazing her earlobes and her fingers digging into her bare arms. Sitting beside the saviour, Regina ghosted her index finger over the baby’s dainty nose and over her plump cheek.
“He cried a lot for a time and I thought it was my fault, that I’d done something wrong. And then I thought it was because he knew I wasn’t his mother. And then, I talked to Dr Hopper and he helped me see that it’s perfectly natural for babies to cry a lot and it’s even more natural that we panic.”
“I tried so hard to cling onto the memories you gave me of Henry during Pan’s curse but they just kept fading and I couldn’t stop it… I want to know when he first spoke, first walked, I want to know everything about him but I don’t deserve to have those memories to begin with.”
“When will you stop punishing yourself for letting Henry go? You couldn’t have looked after him without a job or a home and he was happy with me. Besides, you gave me a chance to be a mother when I’d lost that chance.”
“I’m glad you had him… And I’m glad he had you,”
~ 🦢♛ ~
Present:
“Emma? Aunt Regina wants to see you down in the state room.” Robyn informed her as she made her way back in from the kitchen.
“Am I in trouble?”
“With you it’s never a massive leap to assume you are.”
“Gee thanks, kid.” She half scowled and headed over to her dad, asking for him to look after Hope whilst she went to find the queen. David beamed at his granddaughter and took her in his arms. Her parents adored spending time with Hope.
Emma sauntered through the palace and down the winding staircase, frowning until she found the room she had been sent to. Paintings lined the walls, some were brightly coloured illustrations of the land whilst others were swirling storms of darkness that felt so familiar to her as if she’d seen those depths herself and felt their pain.
“Do take your time, Emma, it’s not as if I don’t have duties to fulfill.” Regina drawled. Craning her neck up, Emma could see the woman leaning over a bannister three stories above her. She climbed the first two sets of stairs and then the rickety ladder that Regina rolled across to her with her magic. She heaved herself up, the muscles in her arms flexing.
“What can I do for you, your majesty.” Emma dropped into a curtsey, green eyes locking with brown ones. A smirk tugged at her lips.
“Sit.”
Regina pushed down on Emma’s shoulders and the woman lowered herself onto the bench, frowning up at Regina and then at the huge noose-like shape. However, inside of the rope was a spider web of fine gold thread. She sat beside Emma and the blonde shot her a raised eyebrow.
“I have a little gift for you. Your own magic must have counteracted the memories that I gave you when Pan cast his curse but I can show you my memories…”
“What? You’d do that for me?” The brunette scoffed softly but shuffled closer to Emma, maintaining her poised posture. The makeshift dream catcher trembled and shimmered until they could no longer see the paintings through it, instead faces appeared in the ring.
A series of memories flashed through the dream catcher. Some were just a second long whilst others were longer than a minute.
Henry being cradled in Regina’s arms in the adoption office, kissing his little plump cheek as he scrunched up his legs. His first night at the mansion, his babbling, more cuddles.
There was a longer memory of Henry bouncing up and down before calling out ‘pince’ as he couldn’t pronounce the ‘r’ and Regina also jumped in her seat, eyes widening and glowing as her smile cracked open into a grin bright enough to rival the sun. “My little prince,” she affirmed and he repeated the word again seeing the positive reaction it gave her before giggling to himself.
The memories changed again, flashing through quicker with him stumbling into Regina’s arms as he took his first steps and then proceeding to toddle after her everywhere on unsteady feet. Again they flashed through his first cuts from running in the garden, gathering apples in his little basket matching the one Regina held in the crook of her elbow, his first day at school and helping to make desert in the kitchen, colouring together, Henry standing on stage for his school play, dressed in shepherd's clothing…
One of the final memories lasted longer than the rest and it was dark as the woman rushed through the darkened room and the hallway until she was sitting on her son’s bed, cradling him against her chest as he sobbed, trembling from the nightmare he had.
They had started out of nowhere and had lasted for a week but every night, Regina rushed to his side and held him. Regina didn’t make him talk about what happened in the dream as he shook his head pleadingly and instead she dabbed at his clammy skin with a cloth and handed him a small cup of hot chocolate to help sooth him.
Once he finished his hot chocolate, she lay down with her boy, who must have only been six or seven in the memory and he fell asleep in her arms just as he had done as a baby.
It was this final memory that drew a strained whimper from Emma’s throat but she didn’t hear it. As a child, Emma had been plagued with nightmares and instead of being met with the warm comfort of a loving mother, she was met with anger and threats as she had disturbed their sleep once again. It wasn’t long before they sent her back as the nightmares showed no signs of letting up.
Regina snapped her head around at the sound that echoed in the savior’s throat and her brows shot up at the sight of her. Her cheeks were glowing red and splotchy, her eyes were bloodshot and the light reflected on the tears cascading down her face. Emma’s teeth sunk deep into her lip and she was certain that she could see a bead of crimson formed there. Her chest shuddered so slightly that she could see Emma kept trying to draw breath rapidly whilst also stopping herself from inhaling. She had never seen the woman so broken and wretched.
“Emma! I’m sorry, I never meant to hurt you! I thought it would be a nice thing, not something to torture you–” Regina shot up from the bench and cut down the dream catcher before reaching for the door handle but Emma caught her hand and jumped up too. She still didn’t say anything, desperate to keep the air trapped in her lungs, hoping the tears would stay inside too but they were free-falling. Her arms flew around Regina’s neck and she clung to her. Regina could feel the seismic waves rolling through the woman’s body as she wrapped her arms around Emma’s back.
“It’s okay, everything is okay…” She whispered but then she felt Emma’s knees buckle and the woman let out that pained whimper again as if someone was physically dragging it from her very soul. The pain was ancient and yet so raw as the day the wound had been inflicted. With Emma leaning so heavily on Regina since her knees had given out, and the woman being taller, Regina lowered them both to the ground and Emma followed her without hesitation as they sank to the ground.
Trailing her fingers through the blonde curls, Regina held Emma tightly, stopping her from floating away in a tide of her own tears. Her sobs were audible now and so wracked with agony that a tear trickled down the brunette’s cheek.
The queen didn’t count the minutes they were sitting on the floor, it could have been five minutes or it could have been five days caught in this moment but she couldn’t care less. Emma’s sobs eventually faded but the cascade of tears had merely slowed into a steady trickle, not ready to stop yet.
“I’m so sorry you had to deal with me breaking down on you. Literally… It won’t happen again.” Despite the tears still falling, Regina could see the bricks setting back into place, reforming the wall that had just toppled around her and she grabbed Emma’s hand before she could lay another brick.
“You don’t ever have to apologise, Emma. I’m here to support you as you have supported me. I’m just so sorry that I caused you so much pain. If it was the me you had first met, she’d be revelling in your suffering but I’m just sorry.”
Tugging roughly on Regina’s hand, Emma cut off the woman’s apology and stared deep into her mahogany eyes with such ferocity that the brunette’s breath hitched in her throat.
“I don’t know how I could ever express how grateful I am to you.” She breathed, her voice hoarse. “It killed me to let Henry go but you gave him such strong unconditional love, a stable and happy home and you made him into the beautiful, kind and loving boy that he is.”
“He made me feel more whole again, like he filled the hole that the curse left in my heart.”
“But you gave him a home, somewhere that he felt safe and loved. I never had that, I never felt secure that one of them would last because they never did. The number of times I was sent back because they had kids of their own or I wasn’t good enough, or because I’d been bad. Seeing the way you cradled him when he had a nightmare instead of screaming at him or punishing him for disturbing your sleep like I had to deal with… You saved him from a fate that could easily have been the same as mine.”
Twisting and burying itself in her heart, Regina felt the pain bloom through her chest at the thought of what Emma had to suffer through, such callousness towards a small child who was just afraid.
“I didn’t deserve to get a second chance with Henry.” Emma added bitterly, a darkness washing over her as her body calmed to a stillness that she only seemed to show when she was the Dark One. “He was everything to me and I gave him up, not knowing if he’d find someone to give him a permanent home.”
“Hey! Everybody deserves a second chance. Didn’t you teach me that, Emma? Not only was Henry so thrilled to have you in his life, but you brought Henry and I closer together. Helped him to see that I wasn’t just ‘evil’.”
Emma bit down on her already cut lip and let out a weary breath. Regina twisted her body so that she sat beside the saviour instead of opposite her and rested her head on her shoulder. She smiled when the blonde rested her head on top of hers.
“Thank you, Regina…”
“Thank you.”
~ 🦢♛ ~
After the queen and the saviour finally left the state room, they parted ways so that Emma could go and clean herself up whilst Regina dealt with some of the issues out in some of the villages. By the time they saw each other again, it was tea time.
There were already most of her family sitting around the long table but the head of the table was vacated. To the left of the seat, Emma sat there looking much better than when she left her and Hook was beside her, cradling the baby in his arms as he fed her a bottle. They were in some sort of conversation that she couldn’t hear but then everyone stood up at the sight of her and only sat back down once she had.
“I bet you love that, don’t you?” Emma smirked at Regina, flashing her an amused expression.
“It’s the best part of being a queen. I can even make you all kneel at my feet.” She sent her a smirk back and revelled in the blush that graced the apples of Emma’s cheeks and the tip of her nose.
The servants brought out the dishes and set them on the table in front of the close court. Henry sat on the other side of Regina, opposite Emma, Robyn sat beside him and Zelena sat opposite her daughter with Snow David and Neal on the other side. They all sank into their food, Charming and his children and Henry all attempting to satiate their huge appetites.
“How are Ella and Lucy doing?” Emma prodded her son’s shin to snap his attention back to his mothers.
“Aww they’re fantastic, Lucy is so big now.”
Emma and Regina both beamed at their son. Neither of them were ready for the news that they were grandmothers but they were both so proud of their son. He showed them photographs of his little family and saw the love radiating from him. Regina’s fingers brushed against Emma’s and if their pinkies linked together then no one had to know…
~ 🦢♛ ~
“Anyone fancy a nightcap?” Regina asked the table as she did most nights. David and Snow were usually too tired, though David often joined Emma (and consequently Hook) for a drink at the tavern. Zelena always joined her sister - and Emma more often than not - for a drink or two and then left them to it.
“You know me, Madam Mayor.” Emma teased and Regina rolled her eyes. “Let me just go help Killian put Hope to bed.”
“Aye, alright, your majesty. Just the one though, your stuff is lethal.”
“That’s the aim.” Regina cocked her brow at the pirate and he chuckled.
Emma lifted Hope from Killian’s arms and Regina brushed her hand over the infant’s dark hair. Before they left the room though, Henry jumped up and offered to take his baby sister so his mum and stepdad could spend more time having fun together. Pressing a kiss to her daughter’s head, Emma lay Hope in her brother’s arms and kissed Henry’s temple.
“I love you both,” She cooed but then drew Henry into a hug, careful not to squash the bundle in his arms and spoke quietly, her lips brushing his temple again. “I love you so much kid…”
“I love you too, mum. Are you alright?” He laughed curiously at her and left the room when everyone started leaving the table.
David sidled up to his daughter and cupped the back of her head with his hand and she leant into his touch. Even after having Neal, Emma was the apple of her dad’s eye and that thought alone almost reduced her to tears. “I’m so proud of you, Emma.”
He kissed the top of her head and released her, following his wife and son down the corridors until they reached their rooms. Robyn went to sit with Henry whilst he got Hope to sleep, leaving Emma, Hook and Zelena following Regina to her living chamber that was connected to her bedchamber.
The four of them took varying seats in the open room. The couple took the sofa whilst Zelena sat at Regina’s vanity table, rifling through her jewellery as she always did. Regina however, draped herself across the chaise once she’d passed them their drinks. The fitted velvet dress she had on lazed over the edge of the seat, falling like water.
Emma focused on Regina as she spoke, even with Killian’s distracting hand coasting up and down her side and the small of her back. She focused on Regina’s face; the darker makeup really suited her, as did the deep wine velvet stretched effortlessly across her body, hugging the curve of her hip and her chest, the black lace covering the deep v-neck. Her dark curls were pulled into a slicked back ponytail with a single curl at either side of her face and two curls pulled out to fall onto her forehead.
She was so poised and elegant at all times. Fighting, screaming, crying, loving and leading, even relaxing, she just imbued elegance. She was, and always will be, a queen. A goddess, something whispered in her head.
“Belle wants us all to go to Rumple’s castle too and Ruby will hunt us down if we disappoint her.” Zelena informed the others.
“Ah, yes, Belle did surprise me with my invite.”
“Why? You’re not the person you were.” Emma asked him curiously. He just shook his head and smiled at his wife, drawing her into a kiss until Zelena hurled a hairbrush at them. Regina stared intently at the bottom of her glass, the ridges in the base and the crystal patterns.
“Aren’t you heading home soon? ” Regina spoke to her glass so she didn’t see the way Emma deflated, how her smile dropped but Killian did. As did Zelena. She heard it though, in her voice. Whilst Emma’s voice remained it’s usual pitch and it didn’t waver, there was a forced brightness to it that didn’t quite fit her and it made Regina look at her friend.
“Sorry, Zee - we’re gonna have to skip this one or delay until we can visit again.”
“Don’t make Belle delay it on our account though. We have jobs and friends back home, don’t we love?” Hook said, nudging Emma with his elbow playfully.
“I mean I can’t work yet but yeah. I suppose it’s weird for us to just disappear into thin air after having a baby.”
The blonde stood from the couch and walked over to the alcohol bar, tilting bottles to see their names in the light until she found one she wanted and poured a fresh glass. The alcohol was already buzzing beneath her skin and making her a little hazy, like it was moving in slow motion as she hadn’t drank since before she got pregnant.
“Want one?” She asked over her shoulder.
“No ta, love, I’m gonna head to bed.”
“Me and all. As much as I’d love to see what drunk Emma looks like, don’t drink too much, eh?” the redhead warned her, squeezing her elbow before leaving. Killian kissed his wife’s cheek and wished the remaining two a good night.
Regina swivelled her legs off the chaise and sauntered towards the saviour, leaning beside her at the bar. Emma picked up the same bottle she’d poured for herself in question and Regina handed over her glass in answer. She poured the amber liquid into the glass and handed it back, her fingers brushing Regina’s long pale ones. Both sets of eyes fixated on the glass they both held and then cast their eyes upwards.
“I was going, you know…”
“What?” Emma admired the little crinkle that formed between Regina’s eyebrows and her whispered voice caused hot springs to erupt in her stomach.
“When you gave me the poisoned turnover, when I told you I was leaving, I really was.”
“Why are you bringing that up now?” Regina’s voice held a sharpness Emma hadn’t heard for a while and her eyes flashed but Emma shrugged and stared at the whisky.
“I spoke to Archie and ‘Miss Blanchard’, two people who would know Henry properly. She said that Henry was troubled and lonely but that you loved him and you’d never hurt him. Archie basically said the same thing and that Henry was happier before I came back into his life… ”
Regina’s eyes darkened and her jaw clenched, her fingers tightening around the glass in her hand. Emma stepped away from her and held up her hands. “It was before I knew you Regina! It was actually one of the first lessons I learnt. You have to realise that given my own history with adoptive and foster parents I just had to make sure he was okay–”
“You were going to let that cricket send you out of your own son’s life? I swear I’m going to stamp on h–”
“Hey! Need I remind you it was a hell of a long time ago now, Regina. And thanks to you, I stayed. I got my son back, and you and my parents, friends, Killian…”
“I just hate the thought of those two driving you away. And even if you had left or eaten the turnover, Henry wouldn’t have been any happier. It wouldn’t have made him trust me or love me again and it would have crushed his heart to think you’d abandoned him again.”
Emma flinched at the final words and threw the drink down her throat.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to sound so harsh. You didn’t abandon him, you gave him his best chance. And you did… Look at him now, he’s got two amazing mums, grandparents, he got to meet his dad and got a pirate for stepdad!”
“Guess that’s true,” Emma finally smiled and it made Regina beam, her heart crashing into its cage as it tried to reach out to the other heart, not too far away now.
“I realised I never even thanked you for breaking the curse I accidentally put on Henry… I’ll never forgive myself for that but at the same time, I’m glad you broke the dark curse because I’ve never been happier than I am now. It’s all down to you, Emma.”
“Are you kidding? You fought like hell to get where you are. I just broke a few curses and carried you out of a burning building.”
She glanced at the queen out of the side of her eyes and a smirk unfurled over her lips when she saw the dead-pan expression on her sharp features.