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Stevie wasn't hearing a singe word Nancy was saying.
Something about metaphors. Or.. similes, or something. Whatever it was, it didnt matter, not really. Not when Nancy Wheeler was sitting cross-legged on her bed in an oversized sweater, chewing absently on her pen cap like she hadn't just shattered every coherent thought in Stevie's brain.
Nancy's hair had fallen into her face again, and Stevie watched her tuck it back behind her ear with the kind of grace that made her stomach twist. Not in a bad way, though. In a way that made her feel like she was floating, that made her understand why people loved being in love.
"Are you even listening?" Nancy asked, glancing up from her paper with a teasing smile.
Stevie blinked. "What? Yeah. Totally."
"Then what was I saying?"
Stevie couldn't help but realize how beautiful Nancy's eyes were. Especially right now, when they were on her. "Uhhh.. something about… symbolism?"
Nancy laughed lightly, so unlike the way she laughed when they were at school. "Wow. You suck at lying."
Stevie laughed, but it sounded nervous, even to her own ears. "Sorry. You're just–" She stopped herself before she could finish the sentence. You're just too pretty to concentrate. That was the kind of thing you didn't just say, not to other girls, not even when it was late and they were the only two in the room.
Nancy tilted her head, still smiling. "Just what?"
Stevie swallowed. Her heart was doing that weird thing where it got really loud again. She could barely hear her own thoughts over the too-fast thumping. "Just… smart, I guess. Really smart. Smarter than me."
Nancy rolled her eyes. "You're not dumb, Stevie."
"I didn't say I was dumb." She dropped her gaze to the open notebooks in front of them. "I said you're smart. Entirely different things."
Nancy shifted closer. Close enough that their knees brushed. Close enough that Stevie stopped breathing for a second. "You're a terrible liar," she said again, quieter this time. Almost fond.
Stevie couldn't help the grin tugging at the corners of her mouth. "Yeah, well…"
There was a pause. One that hummed with possibility.
And then, Nancy reached for her hand.
Not dramatically, just, slid her fingers over Stevie's like it was no big deal. Like it wasn't the first time. Like she wasn't going against everything Stevie's ever believed. Everything she's ever been taught.
Stevie's pretty sure her breathing actually stopped this time.
Nancy's fingers were warm. Soft. She was fiddling with Stevie's fingers a bit, like maybe she wasn't as calm as she looked, but she didn't pull away. And neither did Stevie. She couldn't. Not when her heart was slamming against her ribs like it was trying to break out, to lay itself in front of Nancy and show her what she was doing to her.
Nancy glanced up at her. There was something in her eyes Stevie couldn't quite read. And then, in a quiet voice that barely qualified as a whisper, she said, "You know I don't just do this with just anyone.. right?"
Stevie nodded too fast. "Yeah. No. I know."
"Okay," Nancy replied.
She leaned in.
Stevie could've sworn there were fireworks, even though she knew that feeling could probably be attributed to the fact she suddenly felt dizzy, light headed. Still, it felt every bit how the movies described it.
Nancy's lips were soft. She was so careful. Stevie was almost certain this was her first kiss. And she really hopes she's doing it justice. A girl like her doesn't deserve a shitty first kiss. Doesn't deserve a shitty anything.
When they broke apart, noses brushing against one another, Stevie sighed. "That was…"
"Yeah," Nancy said, blushing, "It was."
They didnt say anything else for a long while.
Then Nancy pulled back.
She didnt move far, just enough to sit upright, putting a little more space between them, like she just remembered where they were and what they were doing and who they were supposed to be.
Stevie already knew what was coming. She knew exactly what she was about to say.
Nancy's hand slipped from hers, fingers curling into the blanket instead. She looked down at it like it had betrayed her. "We–you're not gonna tell anyone, right?"
Stevie forced a smile. She was good at that. "Of course not."
"I mean it, Stevie. No one can know. Not Tommy, not Carol, not Barb. No one."
She said it with this kind of urgency, like she thought Stevie might've already bragged to the entire school.
Stevie leaned back against the headboard, shoving her hands in her lap so Nancy wouldn't see them shaking. "I know."
Nancy finally looked at her again, eyes wide, searching. "Its just–its not that i dont want–" She stopped, sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Its just complicated."
Stevie nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat. "Yeah. I know."
Because she did. It was.
And Stevie was already bracing herself for how temporary this was. How fragile. How easy it would be for Nancy to wake up one day and decide it wasn't worth the risk. She wasn't worth the risk. And Stevie wouldn't even blame her. Not really.
She pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her chin there, trying to keep her voice light. "I know, Nance. It's okay. You're–You've got a life ahead of you. And im… Queen Stevie. We can't just…"
Nancy nodded. She moved closer again, resting her head on Stevie's shoulder. "You okay?"
"Yeah." Stevie smiled, pressing a kiss to Nancy's head. "Dont worry about me."