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It was only after Butters had blabbed a vent to Kenny over the phone that he regretted it, because now Kenny was coming over…sneaking through his window just so they could get one final night together. He’d told his partner everything, about how his father had somehow caught them kissing a few nights ago, and then confronted him in front of a whole group of people, and then pressured him into agreeing on attending a conversion therapy camp…(not that he really had a choice, anyway. If denied, his father probably would’ve just hired people to ‘kidnap’ him and take him there forcefully.) He swore they were being discreet about it, but maybe not discreet enough. He was only able to primarily feel guilt ever since he was confronted. He felt like he didn’t deserve to see Kenny after that. Kenny deserved waaaay better, he was sure! Right?
But still, despite all of his doubts, Butters knew there was no point in stopping Kenny from coming over, either. He was actually quite stubborn. Who knew what would happen between either of the boys within the next year or so anyway? How long was Butters even going to be there for? All these questions lead to almost no answer, and even if they did it was more-or-less ambiguous.
A knock at the window made itself known. It shifted the blonde from his dazed, crying state and Butters scrambled out of his fetal position as fast as he could, rubbing his eyes whilst before moving to open the window. He didn’t want Kenny to notice…at least immediately… that he’d been sobbing on and off for the past hour or so. When he did open the window, Kenny was all over him in an instant as if they hadn’t seen each other in years. It’d only been a little over a day. Kisses littered the older blonde’s face, and before he knew it, Kenny was rubbing a gloved hand across his cheek and then tracing his scar with a single finger. Butters knew Kenny had felt guilty about the whole ninja star incident ever since it had happened, but constantly reassured him that it was okay. Kenny never listened, unsurprisingly. Focusing on rubbing his face, and then his eyes was when Kenny noticed the red-ness and puffiness.
“Hey, you’ve been crying”
“Nuh uh.”
“Shh. I can tell, Leo. I’ve known you for yeeeaaarsss.” He really did, there was no lie there. Butters gave up on hiding his misery almost immediately. Why hide from his boyfriend anyway? He deserved to at least know how he was feeling.
“I’m sorry.” Butters choked out an apology before immediately breaking back down into tears. The two curled up beside each other on Butters’ bed, Butters having buried his face into Kenny’s neck. Motherly instincts kicked it, thanks to having a younger sister, and a hand was immediately rubbing his beloved’s back and holding him closer than ever. “Don’t apologise. It’s not your fault that your dad is a self-hating gay…oh, and a piece of shit. He’s just…reflecting on you. Punishing you is his way of saying ‘oh look at me I’m not gay at all because I send my son who is also a homosexual to toxic conversion camps’.” It wasn’t very surprising that Kenny liked to take advantage of and make fun of the fact Stephen was in fact very, very gay. A homo, if you will. Butters couldn’t help but laugh at this comment, despite the fact his laughing just spiralled back into sobs and chokes not even a minute later. Kenny grabbed Butters by either side of his face, getting him to return eye contact before speaking again. This allowed both to take in the view of each other’s faces. Butters was so used to it - the eyebrow piercing - that becoming hyper aware of it felt weird. It reminded him of when Kenny first had it done. It got infected, unsurprisingly, so Butters tended to it (with a little help from Stan who’d began taking up piercing as a hobby, mainly because he wanted to pierce his own nostril, but whatever).
‘“You know, I had a random guy down a back alley do it.”
“That’s a little unhygienic…”
“I know.”’
The memory made Butters smile, though only slightly before the guilt began to drown everything else out again.
The next thing he took notice of was Kenny’s lips. They were very chapped…seriously chapped, obviously in need of some vaseline or something. His lips were usually always chapped, occasionally splitting too. It was whatever. Butters grew used to the feeling too: they’d been together for months now. Butters then took notice of blemishes. Not that he cared or that it grossed him out or anything, but he liked to take into account the little details, especially considering they probably wouldn’t see each other for a while. He had acne scars scattered across his face in various places, mixing in with quite pale freckles. He had a fading black eye, one received from a domestic brawl with his father, and Butters remembered tending to that at least two weeks prior. Before they were caught. He felt sick again. Kenny finally spoke up, thankfully.
“I will wait for you. I hope you know that. I’d do anything to see you again. Even if it takes days, months, years… fuck, even DECADES. I will always be thinking about you. You’re my soulmate, I’m 100% positive.”
Silence followed, but it was more of a comfortable silence than something awkward or embarrassing. Kenny reached down for one of Butters hands, taking notice of the fact it was shaking. He brought it to his face, kissing the dorsal before moving to kiss his lover’s pinky finger. A small smile arose across the other’s face. “I love ya.” Butters mumbled, unable to find his voice completely after such a heavy crying session. 3rd of that night, actually.
“I love you, too.”
A kiss was on cue, wet and sloppy. Lips locked amidst heightened emotions, mainly because of how traumatic everything had been within the past few days. Butters stilled, initially, but warmed up to the sudden slop of a romantic gesture. Neither cared about the off-putting moist-ness of what they were doing, really. They were doing everything they could to make up for the missing time that was to come. If they got caught now, nothing worse could really happen, apart from the risk of Butters’ dad swatting Kenny out the house and then having him return home to a drunken father informed about the little moment both had shared. Kenny made it very clear that no threat was going to ruin their last night together. He was a very careless boy. Butters couldn't help but say it was definitely something he liked about the other.
“I’m gonna miss ya loads.” The older of the two spoke between heavy breaths as they broke apart. It was probably his first full sentence of the night, ignoring his little ‘I love you’ prior.
“When you return,” Kenny started to mention, hoping to lighten the mood slightly. “I’ll be all over you like a rabbit. Maybe we’ll be old enough to get into each other’s pants then.”
“Ew.” The other laughed, acknowledging his partner’s attempts to raise his spirits. At least it gave him something to look forward to. “Don’t say it like that, Ken.”
“Hm, okay,” The other just shrugged, a smirk present that soon faded as he spoke again. “but maybe we could run away together. Not now, I know.”
“It’s too late.” Butters agreed, despite reluctance to believe.
“I can work while you’re gone… and add what I earn into a savings jar, or something. We can live together, away from the shity-ness of South Park.”
Butters just smiled and cuddled up to the other, flourishing within his lover’s body heat. The built-up joy of the atmosphere was soon killed again when Kenny had to break the news of his departure.
“I have to leave soon, you know.”
“Mhm.” Kenny could hear Butters’ voice crack, even through just a hum.
“Please don’t cry. Or blame yourself. Or try to run. It’ll only make your situation worse.”
“I know.”
The waterworks returned, and they said goodbye with a final kiss. Kenny could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. No one else understood him like Butters did.
Climbing out of the window felt gross…gut-wrenching…disheartening. Mainly because Kenny knew this wouldn’t be the last time he would feel himself slip away from his lover.
‘Leopold ‘Butters’ Stotch, I will love you for as long as I live.’
It just took a while for Butters to actually believe it.