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Kaveh's head grows heavier with each drop of now tasteless wine sliding down his tongue to the back of his throat with the necessary burn to keep his tired mind awake. It's a slow day after an even slower night — he needs to keep his eyes open for just a little more. All for the alcohol to settle in his system and ease the tension in his shoulders, but it's getting harder and harder to push anything in.
He still tries, having nothing better to do or a better place to go. He had a rather bad fight with his roommate last night after drowning in work, leaving him incredibly mad and practically homeless for a couple of days. Even if the one that wouldn't let him go home was not Haitham, but rather a stubborn idiot named pride. He's still going to stick with it, anyway.
His plan goes crashing down anyway when he spots her three glasses in.
A disturbance in the usual tavern crowd of male patrons and questionable fragrances, she steps in with a graceful lightness that can only be carried by a dancer. No, really, can only be carried by Nilou.
She always had an aura of her own, owning every room she walked in like a stage built just for her. Of course, people paid attention. Kaveh, in his defense, was but a person.
A person that Nilou happens to know the name of when his careless stares are caught with a spark in her eyes and strangely enthusiastic voice. “Kaveh! Hey there.”
He wants the floors to split under his feet and swallow him whole. “Ah, Nilou. Nice seeing you… Here.”
Kaveh winces with the buzz of embarrassment that cuts the end of the awkward greeting, but Nilou doesn't seem to mind his misery one bit. “Can I sit here?”
“Sure.” He shakes off the alarms going off somewhere inside the shells of his ears and glances away from the warning signs painted on the back of his eyelids. It's not a time and place for her to be, not ever. Especially not with him in such a pathetic state of mind, but there's no reality when Kaveh can say no, for some reason. “Are you here for..?”
“Drink? No, actually.” She takes a moment to take the chair across him, dusting off her skirts when she lowers down with the clink of jewelry over her head and neck. “I actually came to pick up the food my troupe ordered for tonight's dinner, but it seems I'm a bit early.”
“Oh, I see.” Kaveh feels the immediate want to grab the nearest bottle and send it straight to his face. Why would Nilou ever fall to his lows? Such a grotesque scenario of getting drunk to the point of unconsciousness can only get close to his reality. “You have to wait for it now, huh?”
“Mr. Lambad said it's just a couple of minutes.” Nilou smiles, tapping the wood of their tables with the tips of her colored nails. A light blue with a touch of pink. Kaveh doesn't have the time to catch himself staring when her eyes suddenly shift to the half-empty glass near his hand. “Are you going to drink that?”
“Huh? Oh, well, not really.” Kaveh lets a sigh escape him between these words, making a move to slide the cup further away from his side and wincing at the return of the headache squeezing his temples. “I… I think I'm done for tonight.”
Nilou's eyes shift from the glass to his face and back to the glass again. “I see. Can I have a sip then?”
“Really?” His brows fly up. The request seems to come out of the blue, but Kaveh has no reason to deny it when surprise settles down. “Oh, alright. Go ahead.”
Her hand rises from the table to wrap around the glass with gentle force, bringing the rim to her lips and letting the red liquid flow. Kaveh watches her, unable to tear his eyes off the gentle line of her throat trembling with each tiny sip. So much it goes over his head that his lips were just here a few minutes ago.
“M-m-mhm. It's nice.” Nilou's voice rips him out of the trance, forcing him into the realization of her already finishing the drink and looking right at him. He's not sure how much time exactly he wasted in this half-sleep, but he's not ready to lose any more.
“Oh?” He laughs a bit, feeling the lightness of it untangle the invisible wires in his shoulder as it moves to prop up his cheek, enough to dissolve the stiffness that often comes with days of sleep deprivation. Nilou’s giggle is drowned out in his cup. Kaveh finds it much more distracting than it should feel. “Didn’t think you would be the type to enjoy it.”
“Oh? Why so? Do I look like I can't hold a drink?” She smiles, tilting her head to the side akin to a curious dog. The effect might just be the same — disarmingly charming.
“Wha…” Kaveh's mouth opens without warning to himself, causing a nervous flinch in his arm muscles as he lifts a hand in defensive motion. “Wait— No, no that's not what I meant at all.”
A sudden giggle coming from her pushes all the air from his lungs with a heavy blow. “I know. I’m just teasing.”
The choked cough that comes out of Kaveh is a bit too strong to hide inside his fist, but Nilou either doesn't notice or doesn't bring it up. “Uh. Right. Okay.”
Nilou’s deep eyes shine under the gentle lights, drowning all of the outside world in the darkness. “Are you alright? You seem a little nervous. Or, maybe, tired?”
Kaveh takes a pause to rip his eyes off the soft glow.
“You got me… A bit of both.” He tries, but she doesn't shift a bit from her place. Somehow it's more effective than any pressure. “Okay. Fuck. I'm kinda— Well, not kinda. I’m totally trying to get wasted.”
She brings a finger to her chin, knitting eyebrows together. “Well, that won't be the best solution.”
“I know.” Kaveh bites his lip, trying to hold the embarrassed burn on the sides of his face under control. “Sorry.”
Nilou’s eyes widen a little. “Sorry? Oh, you don’t have to apologize. Especially to me.”
“I know. Sorry.” An annoyed hiss breaks through his teeth right after the misstep, causing him to drop his face into his hands. “Damn. I'm really bad at this.”
To his surprise, she lets a laugh escape her lungs. He might just be dreaming. “It’s okay. Things can be hard to unlearn in just one try. That's why we need practice, after all…”
“Nilou!” A new voice rings out, bouncing off the walls of the tavern as they turn their heads to Lambad by the counter holding out a bag of food. “Your order is ready.”
Nilou's chair creaks softly under her weight when she rushes to stand up, holding a hand on the complicated construction of her headpiece as she makes her way to the tavern owner. “Ah, just in time. Coming!.”
Kaveh puts the distraction to use with a wake-up call to himself, straightening up in his seat and running his eyes across the room with the wild determination of proving it to not be a dream. Maybe he's already wasted. Maybe the Nilou that was just sitting next to him was merely a hallucination, a random addition to the already strange dreamscape. That draws a relieved sigh from the depths of his chest, before it dies down in his throat when his eyes meet hers again, standing in front of him with a couple bags in her hands and her head tilted to the side in a gesture he can only read as expectant. “Kaveh?”
It takes him half a second to jump in his seat. “Yeah?”
Nilou shrugs to the counter. “I… I was just saying how I didn't know there would be so many bags in the order, and I can't fit them all in my hands... If it's not hard, could you maybe help me take them to Zubayr thea—”
“Sure.” Kaveh says, immediately.
“Oh.” Nilou blinks, taking a moment to register such a fast reply before a smile blooms on her face. “Thank you. I hope it's not a problem.”
“Not at all.” His seat creaks as he stands up, taking a few steps to the counter while his hand already reaches to his pocket in search of the familiar lightness of his wallet. “I will take the rest, just let me—”
There's a weight on his shoulder that stops him mid-air. “No need.” Nilou says, somewhere near his ear, leaving a path of shivers falling down his neck as the grounding warmth of her hand leaves his shoulder. “I already paid for your drinks.”
She turns on her heels, heading to the exit door. Leaving him frozen in the very center of what, he starts to think, might just be his personal nightmare.
The evening is warm and light on its feet, swirling around them in the gentlest of breaths when they step out of the tavern. It's rare for him to witness the sky gracing him with a softer weather these days, as he stays cooped up inside and locked in embrace with another blueprint days and nights alike. He almost forgot it's already evening.
“Zubayr theater is not that far away.” Nilou says, fixing her share of bags in her hands before setting the pace for their walk with the first steps. “It shouldn't take long.”
Kaveh follows closely behind, not quite bridging the gap. “I know. I've been around.”
“You have?” She turns her head, making it harder to not even out in their pace now that she's looking at him with a big smile. That however, soon turns into a smaller one. “Right, silly me, you definitely have been to Grand Bazaar before.”
“I did.” He responds, balancing the weight of bags hanging from both of his hands now. There's no better excuse than the one offered by Nilou herself, but he still feels the overwhelming need to be truthful. Even if she thinks the other way, something about her eyes responds differently to the shameful, dark part of his heart. Kaveh sighs, tearing his gaze away from her and ro the nearing doors to the Grand Bazaar. “But I’ve been at Zubayr theater for a show. Multiple shows, that is.”
He can almost hear Nilou's mouth opening into a surprised, round shape. “You’ve—”
Kaveh swings the door open. “Careful here.”
Grand Bazaar is as lively as it gets today, with chatter of older ladies and overly enthusiastic squeals and giggles of young children running around barefoot and trying to get the local dog to sit on command. Nilou steps out from behind Kaveh, seemingly forgetting all about his reckless confessions when her eyes meet the grounds of her home and a gentle smile touches the corners of her lips. “Ah, Swoof really learns fast. Last time I tried to tell him to spin around, he jumped on me just to lick my face.”
Kaveh follows her up the stairs with a chuckle. “Do all the animals love you?”
“I hope so. But I know that at least I do. We're here! Just leave the food over here..” She pushes the door open, letting them inside. The hushed lights take him a moment and some rapid blinking to get used to, but soon the lines and silhouettes start to make sense. Nilou gestures to the nearby table by the wall, nodding at someone from the troupe passing by. Kaveh tilts his head away, hiding a part of his face behind a curtain of hair from the horribly hidden curiosity in their eyes. “Thank you for the help.”
“It’s no problem, really…” He says, carefully placing the bags down, not turning to face Nilou yet. “After all, I owe you one.”
It's almost laughable how familiar the following touch feels to him, considering the only time he ever was earned this grace happened just minutes ago, but Nilou's hand is already warm and dangerously grounding on his shoulder. “Don’t say that, Kaveh. I don't want you to feel any debt before me. Or anyone.”
Kaveh’s body grows still. The burning betrayal stings his eyes and builds up in his throat, making it harder to breathe without gasping or letting the bottled up hurt flow through. He's not sure why he stays, confronted by the one feared the most. Compassion.
“You’re too kind, Nilou.” He breathes out shakily. “I don't think I deserve it.”
Nilou's hand reaches away from his shoulder, but touches the side of his cheek before he can regret the loss or celebrate the reunion. She guides his face down, gently and carefully. “I don't believe kindness should be earned.”
Kaveh's heart grows heavy with blood. “I still— I don't know, Nilou. You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable on my behalf.”
“I’m not uncomfortable.” She says, with a strange gentle seriousness that clears the fog in his mind for just a moment. The warm weight of her hands on his cheeks grounds him more than anything could ever — and it scares him. “But I don't want you to be.”
Kaveh’s train of thought crashes right between his eyes from the inside, sending his vision into white and wobbly mess of stars and flashes. “What do you mean?”
Nilou pauses, absorbing all of the littlest sounds of the outside as the heavy silence rings in Kaveh's ears with building pressure. Hr doesn't know how long it takes, probably just a second, but the feeling is worth eternities to come. He can feel her fingers grow tense on his face, a light tremble against his skin. Then, finally, she raises her head to meet his eyes. “Kaveh. Can you help me with something else?”
The urge to swallow the sun that grew so big inside his throat is overwhelming when he nods. “O-okay.”
Her hand finally falls away from his face, letting the colder air kiss his heated cheeks. Kaveh shudders. It's almost like he lost an arm of his own.
Luckily, Nilou doesn't leave him stranded when her fingers wrap around his wrist, leading him deeper into backstage. “Just something small in my dressing room. We have some time while others will take care of the table, okay?”
Kaveh does have the time or maybe strength to respond until she pushes another, smaller, door open and steps inside.
The room is nice and bright, gentle blues and pinks covering the walls and all the surfaces. This is, by all accounts, a dressing room. With a shelf full of performance attires, different accessories and make-up settled on the dressing table and a big, round mirror on top. Kaveh stops right in the doorframe, face to face with his reflection for the first time in days. He looks… Like he would be kicked off the stage.
“Make yourself at home.” Nilou says, reaching behind him to close the door and gesturing towards the couch on the other side of the room. “You can take a seat here.”
Kaveh complies. There's still a tremble in the ends of his fingers when they meet the soft fabric of the blanket, but he tries to keep his breath steady. Not the easiest task by definition quickly becomes impossible when Nilou lands next to him, brushing her thigh against his by accident. Unaware of the string of invisible butterflies born in the path of her touch.
“So what did you need—” He attempts, but crumbles under the weight of the sheer proximity they're now sharing. Been sharing all evening. But now they're truly, really alone. Without a soul to stand between theirs, not a single foreign eye or thought. So when she looks at him, she sees everything, and Kaveh catches the reflection of himself in her eye. “You didn't need any help, right?”
“Not at all.” Nilou's face softens at the confirmation. “But I do want a favor.”
“A favor?”
There's a pause. Nilou shrugs something he can't quite catch off and reaches her hand out in front of his startled expression.“I want you to take a break.”
Kaveh blinks.
Then blinks again, slower.
Then the heat coming from his neck creeps up, exploding all over his face. “A break?”
She looks back at him, with a smile that seems a little nervous but eyes clear and bright. “Yes, a break. I’m sorry to step in like that, but if you allow me… You've been looking rather tired. It seems you would use some sleep.”
Kaveh's face drops. “I can't.”
“Why?” Nilou lifts her face up again, now without a drop of fun in the gentle seriousness stored in her knitted together eyebrows. “Is something wrong?”
“No, no. Not at all. I'm all good. It's just…” Kaveh pauses, dragging a hand across his hair and gathering the remains of any courage he can still use up. “I… I can't go home now.” He whispers. “It's a, uh, a long story. And a complicated one. I don't want to burden you with my problems anymore.”
“You can stay here.”
What.
“What?”
Nilou turns her head away, but he catches a glimpse of pink dusting her cheeks. “I… Yeah. This couch is rather comfortable. I’ve slept this too quite a few times.”
That's not helping!!!
Kaveh's mind, now totally a mush of warm liquids and maybe explosives, barely manages to blurt out a response. “Oh. Alright.”
Nilou's smile that follows immediately after is enough to melt away all the weak protests the rational part of him still had. If there were really any left. Or if they were even here to begin with.
Her hand continues its flight to the side of his shoulder, bringing him closer. “Is it okay?”
He nods on a whim, blissfully unaware of what's coming for a split, beautiful second. But the weight of her hand and the closeness of her face is enough for his mind to act on its own in a trance-like state, leaning in without hearing any word that comes out of her lips as she's explaining something probably important.
Nilou blinks, for some reason just an inch away from his face.
Kaveh’s eyes go wide in horror as he yanks himself away with all the force he can find to avoid crashing into her, but stumbles with the edge of the couch that almost sends him flying to the floor.
He distantly hears Nilou's gasp and sees her hands moving in an attempt to catch him before he loses balance. But it's too late. When he manages to pull himself away from the edge, Kaveh's body falls forward with the impact, landing itself face flat on her thighs.
The silence is deathly loud.
“I’m so, so sorry…”
Nilou’s voice stops his embarrassment. “It's okay. I don't have a pillow to offer anyway.”
He doesn't know if she's joking. There's a tiny, flickering hope she isn’t that he mortifyingly finds apparent in his mind. But when her hand travels to the top of his head in a soothing motion, he knows she's never been more serious.
Kaveh takes a few breaths before shifting in place to lay down more comfortably.
They sit in silence for a moment. But then Nilou breaks it.
“You know, it's rather silly. Reminds me of the time when we stayed late at the theater and ended up sleeping on the floor.” She laughs softly, her hand mindlessly wandering around the strands of his hair. Kaveh's face burns bright, eyes wide open and directed to the mirror across the room. He sees them laying down, his own awkwardly long legs hanging from the edge of the couch and the red drop of his face settled in her lap, steady and unmoving.
It takes him a moment to lift his eyes and face the inevitable weight of Nilou's eyes on him, but he finds her looking up. Lost in the story that he doesn't catch a single word from when he's too busy trying to survive the crash happening on the outskirts of his mind.
There's no tangible timeline between it and her eyes finally meeting his in the reflection.
“So I— Ah, sorry.” Nilou cuts herself short with a sigh escaping Kaveh's lips. The motion of her fingers in his hair abruptly stops, forcing a wince out of him. “Should I stop talking?”
“Don’t.” He mumbles, holding his eyes closed and gravity centered around the sun of her lap. “Your voice is very soothing.”
“I— Ah.” She falls silent, hushing out the rare sound of footsteps behind the wooden doors and silenced chirps of birds outside. He can't see, but can feel the weight of her widened eyes on him with an intensity that sets his insides on fire. Oh. Right. These words were not made for being spoken into existence, let alone into existence of Nilou's lap resting right under his cheek.
Kaveh is suddenly all too aware of his surroundings, uncomfortably wincing as the air feels hotter and the room seems smaller without the reserved flow of her voice. The walls closing on him now present a much more terrifying possibility when he's unable to see them. It's not too long until Nilou speaks again, sparing him from the fate of burning alive. “Ahem. Right, right… How about I tell you how the rehearsal went?”
“Yes.” Kaveh lets his eyes grow heavy again, this time without a looming shadow of regret. The soothing weight of her fingers returns to its slow dance in his hair, untangling the tension of braided strands and combing through the waterfall of gold. “I would like… To hear about that.”
He can't see her face, but he's certain it’s graced by a gentle smile. “Okay.”
A ghost of touch on his forehead and the sound of her voice are the last things Kaveh feels before the world around him fades into nothingness, blissful and tender.
“Thank you, Nilou.”
The motion in his hair stops with Nilou's hand brushing against Kaveh’s cheek as he falls into a deep sleep. “Anytime.”