Chapter Text
Eren’s face throbs with pain and his eyes sting with tears and exhaustion while his mind wanders tirelessly, awaiting Armin’s recovery and for him to awaken from his slumber.
The small group of soldiers had set up Sasha and Armin in their sleeping packs on the top of the wall of Shinganshina, along with their pile of supplies. There were no other sounds or sights other than the few remaining humans on top of the wall, so by Captain’s orders, everyone other than the two teenagers were to assist in scouting for other possible remaining soldiers. It was yet again, another tough battle Eren had to fight because he had completely planned on staying right by Armin’s side until he woke up and sat on his very own.
Of course, Levi had said nothing other than that he would give Eren another punch to the face in the same exact spot as earlier, as to rub more salt in the wound. Mikasa put a hand on Eren’s shoulder, which he was tempted to shake off in annoyance, but instead embraced the small gesture and Mikasa’s warm hand. Eren bit the inside of his cheek really hard, nearly threatening blood as he watched the rest of the soldiers tread after Levi without a single argument as usual. Mikasa nudged Eren, signaling that they should follow suit.
Mikasa stood still for a moment, hesitating with an internal debate on whether or not she should say something. Glancing at Eren’s furrowed brows and clenched fists, she decided to. “I’m worried about Armin, too, but there’s nothing more we can do but wait. We can help out here. It’ll be okay. He’s alive.”
“I want to be here when he wakes up.” Eren replied, his gaze directly on Armin’s face. Determined.
“I do too, but we’re in enough trouble as it is. We don’t know how long we’d be sitting and waiting for.”
Eren’s shoulders released somewhat of their tension. “Yeah, I guess so. But still. What kinda friends are we if we aren’t here when he wakes up?”
Mikasa hovered her hand over Eren’s shoulder again, but chose to retract it this time. “We will be.”
“How are you so sure?” Eren’s vivid green eyes gazed into Mikasa’s dull blue ones, a look that felt the equivalent to a stab to the chest, even if it was unintentional (which it was). On occasion, Eren was very well known to have an intimidating stare.
She didn’t answer, but can see that Eren had taken her word for it regardless-- Either that or he had heard the squad’s loud yelling at the two in the distance, along with another stern glare from Captain Levi.
Eren focused on Armin’s sleeping pack, observing it as it slowly rose and fell while taking in Armin’s unaware, peaceful look. It reminded him of when the trio used to doze off by the ever looming tree that laid on the hill at the edge of their village when they were kids.
They’d tell stories, hold races and talk until they all eventually exhausted themselves, resulting in surprise naps. Sometimes they wouldn’t even wake up until the sun was setting. It was a much simpler time that Eren had grown to become incredibly fond of after joining the Scouts. Now he could understand why Armin had that look in his eye back then. He, too, was catching the moment as it happened, taking mental pictures that he could frame and proudly place into his hallway of memories. Eren wished he would have done the same.
“Eren…” Mikasa starts off as the boy crouches down to their friend’s level.
Silently, Eren started to take off his jacket and gently put it on Armin. Mikasa stood by and observed the attention in Eren’s face. His eyebrows were still creased along with a look that was still very clearly full of worry and anger…but also care. A lot of care.
It was very rare for Mikasa to catch these glimpses of Eren’s other side of who he is, but when possible, she finds herself staring each and every time. It’s been a number of times that Mikasa can confidently point out that most of these moments have involved Armin Arlert in them.
“He looked cold. And it’s just in case we’re not back then.”
Mikasa lightly smiled and nodded in agreement as the two soldiers ran to catch up with the others. Eren peeked back and watched the two sleeping packs and supplies get further away until it’s out of sight. Once the group is all together again, Levi rewarded Eren with a light slap to the back of the head, who responded with nothing other than his hand rubbing his hair on the back of his head. Eren slightly lagged behind with Mikasa by his side, as always.
During the entire four hour search for other breathing Survey Corps there was not a single one. Not one soldier remained alive.
Eren feels numb about it all…even though he wishes he could feel more upset. He instead thinks about how he was going to have to explain everything to Armin, and how his friend would very likely feel sick to his stomach. It wasn’t until that moment that Eren felt a twinge of pain in his heart, even if he had unconsciously tried to distract his mind for a bit.
For Armin to wake up only to nothing but further dread and hopelessness on top of everything else, just feels like some sort of sick joke. Eren already knew, too, that Armin was going to blame himself for Erwin dying. And Eren can do everything in his power to make sure that Armin can see that, that’s not true, but knowing his best friend, he’s not exactly sure how much of that Armin will really believe, even if he outwardly says that he knows. That’s just the sort of person Armin Arlert is.
As much as Eren wishes for more things he can and cannot feel, one thing is for certain. That he does not feel bad about Levi’s overall decision. Not in the slightest.
As soon as Eren was dragged away from Levi, screaming his throat dry and pleading his case desperately to his Captain, the weight in his stomach along with the one at the bottom of his heart was almost too much to bear. For a moment, Eren grieved the loss of his friend and felt nothing but utter melancholy. The taste of blood in his mouth was starting to sink down to his stomach, threatening bile. Eren chokes back a pretty ugly sounding sob that would’ve broken free had he been alone.
Then, minutes later, a blonde haired small titan with a bob-cut appeared, gripping and tearing apart pieces of a building to get to Bertholdt who was laying smack in the middle of the roof that Captain Levi had been standing on moments ago.
An overwhelming feeling of terror but also relief had started to swell within Eren’s body. Tears continued to drop out of his eyes like an endless waterfall, even though he felt as though he was severely dehydrated at this point and it hurt terribly. The feeling of bile was no longer stuck in his throat at the very least, but in its place came a trembling that broke out through Eren’s body that was uncontrollable.
Bertholdt probably was screaming with the same level of loudness that Eren had been yelling towards Levi just moments ago, the same pain and terror woven into his voice too. Bertholdt had yelled, bawled and begged for mercy in his final moments, but all that awaited him in the end: was Armin’s titan snatching the lanky body and crushing his skull in between his massive teeth.
Eren remembered thinking: Really, though, what did he expect? That everyone would have a change of heart and completely disregard everything that just happened? Not a chance.
For someone who started a war all those years ago and completely uprooted his and his friends’ lives, amongst many others’...Eren felt it was what Bertholdt had coming for him. That it was the bit of justice that Eren had been craving for so long ever since Reiner had spilled the two’s secret in the open air. He deserved to die, after slaughtering so many innocent people. Bertholdt had his chance to turn a new leaf and compromise but he utterly blew it and that was on nobody else but himself.
Although it was an event of equity, Eren could admit that watching his former friend and enemy being squeezed in between a titan’s jaw was a bit rough to stomach. All his emotions had been spent on pleading Armin’s case, so all Eren could find the energy to do was stare and be incredibly thankful that his best friend was going to be alive.
Even with titan powers, Armin wouldn’t have to worry about being alone because a human harnessing a titan's power was no longer a new thing.
Eren thoroughly remembered the first days, weeks and even months when his titan form had been revealed. It was a complete mystery to everyone, including himself. Some people treated him more like an animal than they would to a human being, some people spread rumors of a traitor and even some places wanted to take the boy as a science experiment. No longer was this new information, even if all strange with unclear answers. Eren would make sure that Armin will never have to feel like he once did.
Shaking his head of the terrible memories, he starts to try to piece together an unsolvable puzzle of what caused Captain Levi to change his mind about Commander Erwin’s life…but nothing particularly comes to mind. Nothing Eren would possibly know about, anyways. Despite being confused and being frankly surprised-- he wasn't going to oppose it in the slightest. Eren thought about asking the Captain about it while waiting for Armin to wake up, but after seeing that it would take longer than a few minutes plus then the new mission of scouring for soldiers…there wasn’t really a time that felt appropriate.
Eren could swear he continued to taste the distinct and familiar sensation of coppery blood in his mouth, even though his injury from the Captain’s punch to his face had long since healed, thanks to his titan powers. It never got any easier or less odd feeling the many bones that Eren has broken over the last couple of years fix or pop back into place. In this case--Eren had grown a new set of teeth due to a couple of them being knocked out by Levi’s fist. Though his injuries had been repaired, it failed to get rid of the soreness on his cheek from the impact. He was grateful for the fact that his recklessness hadn’t driven him to his grave yet due to the powers, but unfortunately pain from a punch is not something that can be healed, so he sucks it up.
Eren wouldn’t be surprised if it left some sort of bruise- Captain Levi is much stronger than he looks despite his stature, and even though he is the most feared soldier by enemies and well, probably anyone who isn’t a Scout, Eren feels like he forgets this fact until moments like these. He raises his arm to rest his cheek into his palm, lightly putting pressure on his face to search for a possible bruise. It’s pointless because it’s still slightly throbbing from earlier, but a lot less lighter than hours ago, so it probably didn’t leave its mark. Thankfully.
It definitely was not Eren’s first time receiving a punch to the face by Levi Ackermann, and it probably will not be his last. The times before, Eren has walked out alive with no bruise so he supposes it shouldn’t be such an odd thing--But as a child he used to live with the consequences of his thoughtless actions. Many times Carla had to disinfect his cuts and scrapes, bandaging them up with a kiss. Armin even had his fair share of patching Eren up, too. Sometimes when Eren was sure he was going to be scolded by Carla for his actions, he’d sheepishly ask Armin for help instead, to which he never declined, even if the blood was to excessive at times and Eren could clearly see Armin grimacing at the wound way more than Eren was.
For one, Eren was glad he wouldn’t have to go to Armin to patch himself up. Maybe he could even skip the details about the punch all together because in hindsight after the whole event was over, it was a little embarrassing. He’d be chewed out by his superior officers and Armin at that point. The thought sent a chill up his neck. He really hated when Armin was upset.
Snapping himself out of his thoughts by Levi’s shouting in the distance during the fourth hour of the search, Eren jogged over alongside everyone else. Captain explained that they were now going to take a break…even though Eren’s sure that he knew damn well at this point that there were really no more living soldiers. It’s a tough pill to swallow, knowing that so many comrades were gone…Eren’s sure that this is the most soldiers that they’ve lost in all his years being a Scout. He’s not sure if Levi could say the same.
Heading back up the wall, Eren has never been more grateful for time passing much faster than he anticipated, because when he reaches the top, in the distance Eren can see a small figure sitting up. The boy squints, jogging to catch the details faster. As he gets closer he can point out the yellow hair and brown jacket that he had placed on his friend. It’s Armin, alright. It’s Armin Arlert and he’s awake and alive. Sitting right in front of him.
Eren wastes absolutely no more time, going from a jog to a full sprint. His legs and feet ache while his eyes start to sting with tears once more. He feels absolutely drained and exhausted from the long couple of hours, but he doesn’t let it slow him down. His heart is pounding so loudly that he swears he could hear it outside his body as he skids his knees on the floor, squeezing Armin into a very tight hug.
Armin doesn’t get a chance to speak a single word, sitting dumbfounded as his best friend is sobbing into his shoulder. He can feel Eren shaking, and when Armin doesn’t think the hug could get any tighter, it somehow does. This was probably the record for the longest and intense hug he’s ever received in general and especially by Eren.
Eren nuzzles his face into Armin’s neck, his tears dampening the borrowed jacket and sticking to Armin’s skin. The memories of earlier replay over in Eren’s brain, making him never want to let go. He can’t stop himself from crying or shaking, which he’ll find embarrassing later, but right now he doesn’t have a care in the world.
Though Armin continues to remain very lost and confused, he raises a free hand (one that isn’t being smothered by Eren) and rubs his hand gently up and down his best friend’s back in his best attempt to comfort him.
After who knows how long, Eren finally manages to squeak a sentence that further astonishes his friend. He says: “Welcome…back.”
“Huh…? Back…?” Armin blinks, leaving his hands on Eren’s shoulders to rest as he tries to mentally piece some events of an empty puzzle, but nothing comes to mind.
“So, he’s up.” Levi’s voice rings from the side of the wall, the sounds of the ODM gear following suit. He dusts himself off and heads toward the duo.
Eren doesn’t want to let go of Armin in the slightest, but he can feel Armin slowly leaving his grasp to face their Captain, so Eren has no choice but to move, too. He leaves a hand on Armin’s back, however. It was much too soon to let go, he thinks.
Eren’s green-blue eyes gaze to look at the jacket where his hand rests and how underneath it is bare skin. Bare skin with a beating heart. It’s nothing abnormal (or so he thinks) because guys take off their shirts all the time, but for some reason at this moment he desperately wants to touch Armin’s back to feel his skin and to watch his hand move up and down as Armin breathes. His fingers itch to pull at the jacket, but he stops himself before he can further continue with his thoughts. This wasn’t the type of impulsive thought Eren needed to act on.
Eren brings his attention to the Captain and his best friend. He tries to catch himself up on the conversation he was missing due to spacing out, but it turns out that ultimately Levi left it up to Eren to fill in the blanks anyways.
Here it was. The moment Eren had been dreading the entire four hours, even though he had also been anticipating it, too. If anyone was going to break the news, Eren’s glad that it’s him…though, he really wishes he didn’t have to. He grimaces, biting his lip as he imagines Armin’s facial reactions.
After a swift (but gentle) kick to the back from their Captain, Eren drags the words out from his throat and weaves the story that Armin had missed during his recovery.
By the end of the story, the rest of the scouts had arrived, sitting around Armin. As Eren predicted, Armin absolutely felt sick to his stomach and at a loss for words. Repeating the gist of the events out loud felt so surreal that it nearly felt like it was made up. Armin was waiting for the punchline, for anything that could take back the information he heard, but of course there’s nothing. Armin gags, feeling bile travel its way up through his throat and threatening to spill out onto the wall, but luckily one of the soldiers offers a water bottle which he takes hastily. He chugs a large amount of the liquid, the drops of water sliding down his jaw.
Armin drops the bottle, clutching it in his hand. “Why…” He speaks, his throat forming a lump in the center. It’s making it difficult to continue to speak, but he presses on. “Why did you choose me…?”
Eren’s eyes lay on his best friend, his eyebrows creasing and body overwhelmed with the feeling of sadness. He called it. That Armin would feel it was the wrong choice. Eren opens his mouth to jump into the conversation, ready to defend the decision all the while consoling his best friend, but before he can speak Levi gives Eren another kick to the back. He’s thankful for it not being Levi’s full strength.
“I said to tell him everything.” Levi sighs, then goes on with his reasoning. How Eren and Mikasa had gone at him with their blades, how Levi chose this place as Erwin’s resting grounds. He even reiterates that it was completely his own choice which Eren is thankful for.
Armin’s eyes burn, the sick feeling in his stomach just continuing to grow after Hange joins in and admits that even they thought Levi was going to give the injection to Erwin. For the cherry on top, they also add on how from now on everyone would be expecting more from Armin because of that decision.
Eren and Mikasa share the same look of solemnity as they watch the events unfold before their very eyes. This is what they wanted, sure, but was it worth the price of the neverending weight on Armin’s shoulders that he has no choice but to bear? Eren was all too familiar with that feeling…He remembered being furious about it when his titan form was revealed the first time.
Armin tugs at his hair, tears threatening to spill out of his eyes as he stares at the concrete for a distraction. Any eye contact, especially from his friends and he’d officially break. “Am…Am I supposed to be Commander Erwin’s replacement…? I…I can’t be! That’s absurd!...”
Eren’s eyes glance to Captain Levi, and just out of the corner of them, he swears he can see Levi’s lips tug slightly in a nearly frowning manner. Anyone who doesn’t know Levi would have never caught that in a million years. It’s so miniscule that even Levi probably wasn’t aware he had done it either.
“Don’t get me wrong. You could never replace Erwin. But…it is true that you now have a power that no other human has. Don’t let us regret it. Got it? Not me. Not these two--” Levi bends over to ruffle Mikasa and Eren’s hair. “--And not anyone else. Not even yourself. Make regrets impossible. That is your mission.”
Armin repeats the words in his head. Not even myself. Not…even myself… His sickness eases slightly hearing these words from his Captain, but his eyes are starting to blur from the tears that nearly come out from his eyes until--
“Shut…up…” Sasha grumbles, teeth clenched and still wrapped in her sleeping pack.
Everyone quickly faces the girl. Connie’s expression shows a bit more concern but also a speckle of relief, Armin and Eren’s mouths are open in shock, Levi, Jean and Mikasa just stare but Hange lets out a chuckle in response, a small smile on their face. “We’re no match for Sasha.” They look to Armin, who immediately catches their gaze. “As Commander of the Survey Corps, I suppose you and I are in the same boat now. That just means that you and I will have to be prepared for whatever comes next.”
Their look and words feel somehow both icy and comforting to Armin. He stares for a moment, unsure of how to respond, if he even should. His heart is pounding and his throat threatens bile again. “...Okay.” Is all he manages.
The next couple of sentences are nothing more than muffled voices to Armin, his eyes once more locked onto the concrete of the wall while his hands grip the sleeping pack with a greater force than necessary. The thing that snaps him out of it is Eren’s name being spoken into the air. Although Armin misses the context completely, he sees Eren grab ahold of the once gold, but now more of a worn bronze, key by the thread around his neck, squeezing it in his palm.
He sees Eren crease his brow, his eyes lit with anger once more as they usually are. It’s not a look that Armin enjoys seeing on his friend, even though he knows there are so, so, so many reasons for Eren to be angry, so he’s grown to accept it. Eren’s always been the kind of person to anger quickly anyhow so it’s not like it’s out of the ordinary. It’s just that more often than not, it’s a look that Armin exclusively sees nowadays. He wishes he didn’t have to. He misses when Eren would listen to Armin talk for hours on end about his books of the outside world, with a twinkle in his blue-green eyes instead.
Now, anything relating to Eren Jaeger’s father was a sore spot that Armin hardly poked at. It involves too many things that neither Eren or anyone else knows about so it feels a bit pointless to try to talk or ask about. Armin’s tried before, quite recently actually-- out of consolation when Eren was having a particularly troublesome time with the subject of his Father.
After being rescued from Rod Reiss, sometime later Eren had spilled his feelings of his father to Armin just before bed time. Armin remembers being shocked, watching Eren grip the key around his neck with a new type of anger he’d never seen in Eren’s eyes. He remembers seeing Eren’s eyes glossy, his lip twitching and his fists clenched.
It was pretty tough to find words that Eren would feel better hearing, especially with Armin as confused as he was. He just couldn’t see how it was possible or reasonable for Grisha Jaeger to do such a thing to his own son. Armin’s met Grisha before and even been to the Jaeger household quite a bit. During that time he never found the man to be threatening. The mystery of where he went during the hours of Carla’s death and the Titan outbreak were a bit odd--But Armin could never have imagined anything like that.
In an attempt to help, Armin shared a secret of his own, admitting that during their distraction around the same time Eren was taken-- that some guy was being really creepy towards him and it often stuck to the back of his mind, making his skin crawl and stomach feel sick. It was a demanding thing to admit, and though Armin attempted to say it casually…he didn’t expect it to be a thing that would be so hard to say.
Armin watched Eren’s face somehow get angrier. He wasn’t sure if he should’ve said anything at that point because he didn’t want it to be a big thing and frankly Eren’s face was starting to get a bit scary, especially knowing the type of person Eren was and what he would threaten to do. Armin shakily tells Eren it’s okay, and just that Eren knowing was enough to make him feel better (which was the truth) and that he had only admitted to it because of Eren’s secret, to make them even.
Eren grabbed Armin’s hands and placed them in his own, rubbing his tan thumb over Armin’s pale hands. His look was no longer nearly as angry as it had been and in fact it had started to soften, which Armin was immensely grateful for. The warmth of Eren’s hands on his own were extremely comforting and Armin found himself crying a little, apologizing for seeming like he had made the conversation about himself, but Eren shakes his head fast in disagreement, now tugging his best friend into a hug.
“It helped. To know I’m not alone, ya know.” He had said.
“I’m here for you always.” Armin replied.
“Same.”
“I’m sorry about your dad.”
“...Yeah. Me too.”
It was a very short conversation pertaining to his Father that Armin didn’t have time to press more on because the rest of the boys from the Corps had walked in on the two being so close and had started to tease them about being boyfriends or something. It was an occurrence that happened more than either of them would like, but they never fully seemed to dismiss it.
Seeing Eren grab his father’s key around his neck and remembering that one of the major reasons they had returned to Shiganshina in the first place was to finally reveal the secret in the Jaeger’s basement, meant only one outcome was left.
Armin watches Captain Levi, Commander Hange, Mikasa and Eren stand up. Connie and Jean stay put next to Sasha. Armin looks at Eren specifically, the anger in his eyes not wavering. He reaches his hand up, grasping for Eren’s and successfully achieving his goal. Armin blinks, now realizing he’s holding Eren Jaeger’s hand between his own and that he grabbed it without even thinking twice. He’s not very sure what he should do next, but at the very least it had dragged that angry face off of Eren and replaced it with a surprised one.
“I…” Armin starts to say, unsure of what he actually should be saying, but Eren finishes his sentence for him.
“I’ll be okay.”
Armin nods, their eyes meeting. Glistening green clashing with dazzling blue, the sun allowing them to twinkle. Armin grips Eren’s hand, his eyes stinging and warning him with possible tears. He feels Eren tighten and squeeze Armin’s in response.
Then, Eren lets go and starts to walk off, leading at the front of the group with Mikasa glued to his side. He wishes Eren would look back just to see him once more, but he doesn’t.
Truthfully, Armin really wishes he could’ve gone too. He’s known Eren longer than Mikasa-- Is even closer to him than Mikasa, and yet he’s forced to sit and think about everything that happened just hours ago. It’s not even been half an hour and already, Armin is so tired of thinking and remembering and sitting doing nothing.
Watching the four walk off without him feels like yet again another punishment. He doesn’t know what he’s even done to deserve it. He’s once again left behind while his friends go on ahead.
Armin clenches the sleeping pack once more, observing his knuckles that go white and return back to his normal skin tone when he releases his fists from the blanket. He can sense Connie and Jean overwhelmingly stare but he can’t find the strength or energy to even try to attempt to have a conversation, so Armin leaves it be.
All he can do is sit and wait. Just as Eren did for him.